FIRST TIME WATCHING EVERY TWILIGHT MOVIE

hello my name is Eric my name is Jacob and we are going to watch a series of films that is as of now a surprise to Jake what is it we're gonna find out shortly aren't we [ __ ] as soon as you know what it is tell me I've never given much thought to how I would die it's Twilight are you ready you've seen some of this one I don't remember watching yeah I'm sure because he started making out and I regret making out with this woman for three reasons number one it wasn't a positive experience overall no - I could tell out the corner of my eye that a dope scene was going down the baseball scene yeah the best scene in the movies if you make out with me all right yeah ladies and gents I'm excited for watching all the Twilight movies this movie was made before the hype was as big as it was so the movie helped build the hype absolutely interesting it's a much smaller scale movie it's almost more of like an indie movie also Catherine Hardwicke directed this one and I gotta tell you I'm not going to be a social justice warrior but once it was big big big they gave it to a bunch of dudes all the rest of them I just I mean like I can't help but notice well what are you trying to promote women's equality a big fat piece of [ __ ] no I'm not I'm not trying to say that it's Jacob with the wig in the parlor oh my god wait yes says hair who which one Jacob's windriver or Jacob oh that's a guy hair oh my god ankle oh [ __ ] nothing more conscious than a man in a wheelchair don't oh my god the way he's you've seen the back or any falls out of the [ __ ] is going on back there oh I got to tell you I'll never forget seeing this movie in theaters like that right like for these scenes everyone was like everyone was so excited I love it yeah the seats they actually there was a thing where they had to like mop up the seats because they were moist after the movies mostly from me oh I'm open to loving who's that yeah come on in baby okay I don't give a [ __ ] this is a conic it's like this was a huge thing like [ __ ] it I don't care he's a [ __ ] iconic but tell me more about your school now what are the kids like there's one hot ass [ __ ] there's one Vermont and take it hard he hasn't any blood mom dead room I assume that if he knows he's going to become aroused he has to stick up a bike pump in his urethra and then pump it slowly that's a whole chapter of the second book yeah it is I [ __ ] love this dude that's her first thinking that he's [ __ ] bizarre obviously right could they smash right now how did you get over to me so fast I was standing right next to you bill always gaslighting it don't tell me he's [ __ ] gaslighting her across the lot no I wasn't oh you piece of [ __ ] this is our domestic abuse begins you stop the van you crushed that vehicle you pushed it away with your hand well nobody's gonna believe you oh [ __ ] yo squad gonna pull up at your house break your knees if you speak a word about this [ __ ] she's like I wasn't gonna tell me I will get all my pale eyes brothers to run up on your dad don't worry Edwards gonna run up on a few rapists oh my god here we [ __ ] go here we go retribution [ __ ] in the car yeah baby kick their ass I was very dangerous wait no don't only I want to see you fine and then I'm fighting he's too cool that's the whole damn it how did you know where I was I didn't I was doing donuts all right it's already doing donuts you just happened to be where I was doing sweet [ __ ] doughnuts in the hospital parking lot because girl I got a sick whip like that good M&M what we going I'm gonna eat you up a mountain out of the cloud bank you need to see what I look like in a sunlight oh [ __ ] yeah that's cookies [ __ ] oh my god yeah god bless him god bless actually the best shots are when it's like really quick and you can't see him like that shot was cool because it was quick but every time they were like hangs on them it looks insane it's a wide yeah it looks insane they really should have done that it could have done that differently he would know we're different you know what happens in the sunlight right he gets all glittery yeah I don't think they did it enough you tell me what you think I think they could have gone a little more overboard with it personally [Music] this is what I am like I almost don't even know that I would notice it it doesn't look oh damn - so they're having sex no no no no no no with the camera went up toward the sky that's what that mean cannot yo if they came all to people this [ __ ] field the others had sex ins fee nope dude they just I'm telling you know just maybe oh my god dude they are relatives again but they're always about to have sex pretty much they earn estate a constant state of about to [ __ ] I'd better see them smash or at least know that it happened you got to wait a few books for real dog [Laughter] Benton 18 Carlisle found me his name is Carlisle its dad that's a dope name Carlisle Cullen [ __ ] that's all good dog wait why couldn't he just keep his last name from his last life like Edward just alter whatever Edward Johnson so he was like I gotta change I can change this is ridiculous impressive vampire jump well it's just a regular jump there's like a parkour video yeah for what it's worth this is a pretty good this is a pretty good like I mean I feel like Twilight fans were pretty pleased with this scene they had to be right like this is pretty good I feel like this is probably the sexual awakening of every kid yeah I'm just saying like I think they nailed his scene the tensions pretty good oh I remember that that was so like anyway dude there's the new island I [ __ ] love this scene I'm not apologizing to anyone I'm gonna apologize to a couple no no when the song starts calm is the scene though okay it's so [ __ ] cool this is where I started smooching she's time I love it [Music] [ __ ] yeah no this is awesome so they have to play during thunder they can only play whenever it's gonna thunder they can play baseball because they crack of a bat such a great idea yeah it's awesome I don't care it's a great idea Oh James go snack today you brought a snack [Music] do not eat the person just like out of respect right like are they that for me yeah like James you know this is the worst James since Corden but I can change that we can do more stuff together oh I love him like what like watch baseball on the flatscreen oh she has to be an [ __ ] to get out of there ah so that's you That's not me [Music] oh god yeah and you know if I don't get out now I'm just gonna be stuck here like mom oh [ __ ] I'm a big fan of scenes like that it reminds me of something from Cirque de freak which I know I've mentioned before we need to start a book club right yeah I'm down for that we need to start a [ __ ] book club man comes to it for just and just for Cirque du freaked out and then it will stop that's it I literally want to like lay you down in bed and I will excuse me huh I can't bring myself to regret the decisions that but hey you should pay me alright nevermind no I've never seen a taxi driver get paid in a movie never it's real unfortunate it's real sad sad industry does she ever chase her [ __ ] pepper spray wait oh no garlic Carl I was gonna say pepper is a thing but no its garlic is the vampire thing they like that they sell garlic spray they like vampires love pepper yeah no I won't stop sucking your blood classic suck that [ __ ] venom in uh his face is [ __ ] awesome yeah uh-huh I agree he's acting the hell out of this Oh the out-of-focus I love that so she's gonna die get her blood soaked my vampire not even turn into a vampire bum [ __ ] deal yo mom I gotta come clean I got sucked off by two dudes today I got sucked off by one dude while the other held me down and two others own Oh noon moon is it gonna be New Moon okay moon what else what else we got W moon no interesting oh you moon moon moon it's like Jordan you moon no no new moon oh your birth that's definitely something sober okay you made a wind chill out mom immediately it's super weird you're freaked you're creeped 18 is a little young stop worrying about that oh yeah I think it's a little young to know that you bring that up Edward you 80 year old [ __ ] I guess if you say quick were the same age 80 hey old are you I pull the microwave how old are you 80 80 no one seem so drastic you flew out is he actually Native American you know he's a shark you're right oh my god that was a rat it's a dead rat uh I don't think it goes to this school by the way I'm almost positive he just rolls up and says hello and Lee we've never seen him in an interior I don't Edward he can't go indoors meat and we're getting biblical for her thank you but the Lord our God is party thank thank you fella you however [ __ ] pignon about it however Jesus Christ does dictate vampires go straight to hell that's actually one of the Beatitudes she's got a [ __ ] Polaroid printer that she's folding it just you could have cropped that yeah breyer digital it's awful this is all happening manually this is like the reverse of a twist in a ghost in like a haunted house movie where like they uncurl the photo and it's like uh-oh but instead it was the opposite in the first part when they right right right this is the prequel oh wait a minute she was behind the photo the whole time wait so that was her at those at different loli she's like his old whoa his accent just bled through a majorly you're welcome come to tickle me come and take a walk with me one line she's like and she's like pounds like Bella she's a kiss me like Oh Bella I'm a [ __ ] vampire Miraval Kim vampire come and take a walk with me is British like yeah I cut it brother oh it's getting dark no I mean the film Oh spooky scary skeletons the least he could have done is Shore the way back - yeah right you just brought me to the Father backyard what did you need to bring me to the middle of the woods for this kid you [ __ ] get me home didn't you just say like be careful yeah your first mission is to escape the forest he was like be good stay cool we out be good stick don't ever change have a great summer I had a mechanic friend to help me out oh my god uh-huh me I guess oh you talk about me holy [ __ ] cut your damn hair I'm so oh damn oh yeah he's younger oh so then he's like 14 this is weird fur because used to dating senior [ __ ] citizens and now she's dating second classes okay for Native Americans to keep them in I think yes yeah to trap I remember this when he's like she keeps going past him I love that that's kind of cool yeah he's just watching her he's just like nice this series is way better and more interesting ooh oh damn right in the womb he also crashes he's never ridden more you guys to try to help everybody [ __ ] crashes right into her he okay he just [ __ ] kills what if he also passed Edward like Edwards like hey look [Music] touch her no just like leaving her in the woods I heard about the time he left you in the woods and then you tripped she's looking at his [ __ ] mouth this isn't fair [ __ ] you do they officially it's it's a wolf anything sure wolf says it's a wolf I feel like I'm gonna disappear I don't werewolf thing it's a big thing don't worry it's a wolf pig what is that god-awful wet dog smell it's a wolf baby can we use that for the rest of the series please [ __ ] wolfing you use your newfound freedom to see some of your other friends to like like Jacob oh he's going through a really tough time right now his dad's really worried dad fYI he is trying to [ __ ] me dead dog you want a bone dad you don't understand Jacob is a werewolf first off we're all surreal wait what honey wait slow down okay so does one take it take it back Edward my boy stop stop I want to talk about you vampires I want to but they do want to kill each it hold on they're vampires and werewolves to do so there's a pact right no there's a Blood Pact any go to your room they're trying it okay Oh what is she seeing if I could see the future I would go see whether or not there a furry sparkly threesome so I know whether or not I should even keep mr. sees you asked that at the ticket counter before your like before I buy a ticket excuse me there's no werewolf [ __ ] the vampire the vampires otherwise where am I wasting clicked I brought you something graduation present I made it myself Mena's it's a wolf thing oh it is look it's literally a little wolf it's a wolf things a little water call him swine SWAT swollen if she that's our wedding hashtag swollen swollen swollen more swollen cheek steak that was like a dog joke I think was a good boy yeah it started to get more in the nose she's like Jake just fetch heel bad dog excuse me this is [ __ ] amazing as [ __ ] I'm asking you to kiss me that's bad is bad he has like he has like no self-awareness like that you shouldn't you know I mean this is bad this is bad what's going on his bed what's happening on screen is bad he has no self-awareness if a girl was crying and it was like fine kiss me like she was terrified of you and it's like nice yeah when this was written in the book it was bad when it was adapted for screen it was bad any when we watched it years later it was bad it was still bad I mean it's hot don't get me wrong don't get me wrong my penis is out and I'm sure furiously but artistically I'm disgust if you're easily and fast oh damn oh damn oh damn crack that [ __ ] head crack that [ __ ] head oh come on that was a badass awesome wait a minute Oh oh my god that's pretty cool that's cool I hope that something happens to redeem Jacob because at the moment I don't love Edward cuz he's boring as hell but Jacob kind of creeps me out kind of creeps me out yeah that was that kiss was the problem well it's then that's then repeatedly after he was like you know you want me hey I know you want me hey cuz you're a bell uh you know he's kind of I thought that novel was in quotes based on the novel by where's this the bachelor party without saying anything who the [ __ ] are you that's the author that was Stephanie Meyer she's my immediate thought was who the [ __ ] are you [ __ ] are explain yourself or get out you she attended the wedding of her own creation this is her [ __ ] dream her wet [ __ ] dream though I think that when she wrote the book she had this in mind yes exactly they invited one a Native American it's a little racist telling a real honey that's a sick joke you are joking what while you're still human you can't be serious now like tell me you're not that stupid he's talking about her letting him [ __ ] it's really none of your business you're talking about his vampire penis listen to me let me go what it's the exact problem here the problem is that he will thrust too hard and shatter her whole bones but if he has the ability to walk I guess also if he comes it might be like a shotgun blast I don't know that must be this body produce [ __ ] like what's happening these are questions you're not meant to ask I will so you have to because it's literally it's so important it's really important to the pool so he definitely can't get a hard-on I don't know if they mentioned that [ __ ] door or [ __ ] me please Edward [ __ ] me I would die for it I'd like to see if I can take it do you think you could this movie came out you know they do like to pop up sometimes at IMAX theaters from you know like little things there was there was at the Lincoln Square I'm actually on time mm-hm there was a the Breaking Dawn experience set up like a like a booth and you pulled it like you they pull the curtain over and you sit on a dildo that pounce excuse me at what point did this stop being true yeah well I hasn't yet the I'll tell you when I'm stuck when I start telling you lies and it pounds the shitty when it was called the Eduard experience and in parentheses it said scream when you want to stop and that's the part that's not true because everybody died cuz everyone died nobody screamed everybody creamed what did you say screamed yeah oh no yeah you scream I scream I think I appreciate that you were very clear with me when that was false huh try the first one did you imagine if he had a micropenis he's just [ __ ] embarrassed he's so ashamed of his tiny tiny DAC she's like this was the problem all the time he's like yeah what's wrong with your voice oh all of a sudden he retreats to boyhood so they did it they did it okay so what were we worried about this whole time they couldn't have done that before they had to be married okay well they're gonna have to pay for that earnest of me to say no it's Carlisle's place member they said it okay well still relevant who owns this guy hi we just crash we'll hand it on your eye oh here you go here's your debt to pay they come running back in you [ __ ] you [ __ ] as our you did really bad yeah you [ __ ] each other not bad your [ __ ] bad do you [ __ ] each other I see up beers on the bed surprises we bring new bed we bring in newer but do not know not [ __ ] bed will you do I do at least find a bigger hole the last one was so small I was like choice racist yo this been gone to the mainland [ __ ] you and I've taken the only boat oh my god really really oh that's where this is headed we focus so much on the sex stuff because she is gonna have a [ __ ] demon baby oh my god okay sure sure I got a few questions hit me how's vampire homework with the QA hey 70 really quietly into the night but just like feedback speak up I'm so sorry Stephanie how does a liar come work okay here's your first problem don't use Yahoo Edward Cullen uses Yahoo is he hot anymore Anna Castro he's on like TV and our god immortal children wait wait wait you're gonna make her drink that wait what the [ __ ] is going on we have to test the theory and I can't team that oh oh my god it was anything they're gonna make her drink blood to get it to the baby what the [ __ ] I love this yeah this is amazing [ __ ] goddamn straw the straw that's disgusting through a straw are you [ __ ] kidding me god it's like she got his room into my nose and gulp it you know it's like she got free oh that's why they did it so we could see oh my god what animal is that from she's like it's pretty good it's actually even way better than I thought it would be tastes she looks [ __ ] insane good she literally looks like an old witch she looks terrifying Oh oh my did she break her [ __ ] back oh my god Oh she broke her knees oh my god holy [ __ ] Wow [ __ ] christ this movie's crazy oh my God look at her she literally I've literally think I'm watching alien yo this is Twilight we could easily reddit this but the more sensible there's no time he's dying oh [ __ ] whoa Wow whoa whoa holy [ __ ] she wants to eat you she wants to eat it she wants to eat it oh my oh my oh my god this is so [ __ ] insane oh my god I can't know what's down there I only chick is the craziest movie a reason you got a change he's giving her a mouth c-section holy [ __ ] every dad in a theater just like it's like what well I guess I don't have to talk with my kids this is it kids this is what it's like what's happening oh wow shit's crazy I cannot believe we're the same oh no she better eat both event she can eat that long too right oh wow that was a crazy sure not even close to being a human baby that's obscene [ __ ] you couldn't tell that's pretty easy to tell that's a CG [ __ ] baby in it oh yeah that's why good lord god oh oh my god yeah that looks really bad holy [ __ ] [ __ ] ya best keep it at for him Wow my baby no he's good he plays this well I think Wow just finished complimenting him and now what did he just do that was indeed a cackle I can't do it because my voice is up but you do it and then he pointed with all his do you ever watch Colbert you ever watched Newt the new show his new show yeah sometimes yeah you know how the you can hear the bandleader laughing in the background sighs tell me doesn't sound like Jared Leto's Joker is in the audience he giggles I'm always like what the [ __ ] is that horrible sound I think Andy signor is the best sidekick in history in talk show next really no oh [ __ ] did I say Andy I oh [ __ ] wait [ __ ] Andy Richter all right you ready for the big ending battle Wow he's capable he never came back she's like I'm out oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] I'm really close we're fighting here we go cool Wow no one else is gonna fight with him huh you're gonna flip it's summer some crazy [ __ ] it's like some Superman Batman [ __ ] you know what this is so monger oh yeah baby yeah none of this is in the book this is all insane I [ __ ] you not the book literate like I said the book literally ends with him saying my bad you're right and and they go home I'm not exaggerating that is I mean that's terrible in the books part two there cuz like don't have this subletting oh [ __ ] over to go of funny Seth I guess it's her brother oh okay there's no time for this oh no Jacob heard [ __ ] so now he's running any sad don't we know how that happen to Bernie Sanders Oh God quick with that one Thank You Jacob she's doing great yeah let's not push it though it's appointment oh boy do tell her Jacob this should be good oh I can't wait I can't wait you guys know how to say it it's thank you very much for checking out this sample of our commentary track for the entire Twilight Saga if you'd like to get all five full-length tracks you can get them at pretty much dot it's slash shop or you can go to pretty much dot it's slash pals to get brand new commentary tracks every single week hope you enjoy the tracks and that's pretty much it

Channel: Pretty Much It

Views: 4,105,912

Keywords: Edward, Vampires, PMI Commentary, Bella Swan, Pretty, Jacob Shao, Breaking Dawn, Edward Cullen, Twilight, Eric, Commentary Track, Eric Striffler, Reactions, First Viewing, Eclipse, It, Jacob, Much, PMI, First Time, Jacob Black, Commentary, PrettyMuchIt, Bella, Werewolves, Striffler, Twilight Marathon, New Moon, Pretty Much It, Marathon, Team Edward, Team Jacob, Part 1, Part 2, Twilight Saga, Netflix, Re-Release, Twilight Tour, 10 Years Later, 2018

Id: 2YHov3CJon0

Length: 30min 52sec (1852 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 14 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/Lixsymone97]

Omg I LOVE this video! They aren’t mega fans but you can tell they genuinely like a lot of stuff about the movies and they’re hilarious