First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage? - A Biblical Dating Process

let's see if we can go to the word of the Lord if UNH won't want you to start if he in order to a real I want you to stand if you're on line I want to send anybody stand let's really Cleese yesterday's Chapter four and let's see what God has to say to us today my point today is the significance and the importance of community in your decision-making Solomon the wisest man that's ever lived here's what he says about this issue called community everybody let's read it together here we go read it with me to see what he says hey yeah to maximize your work to are better than one next verse for who falls when there is not another to lift him up in other words when you're walking and one of you fall if you're by yourself nobody did lift you up come on now the reason you need a community of people around you is to help you make wise decisions and for them to help you along the way versus verse number 11 furthermore if - the imagery is here in battle the imagery is you're in a foxhole so to speak and to keeps you warm in the wintertime if you're by yourself you're worried about the enemy coming and you're also not worried about you being cold that's the significance of - last verse here we go and if one ladies and gentlemen I want to remind you you're always in a spiritual battle singles are the number one weapon of choice for the kingdom of God because you get to live an undivided life the enemy wants nothing more nothing more than ruining your life then creating division then creating confusion for singles and the reason why it's significant for every single to realize this is because God wants to use you to accomplish his purposes but if you get distracted by the philosophies of this world and the dating concepts of this world it will always keep you distracted you may be seated if you missed last week's sermon just get the tape if you can't afford it it's or gift to you or you can go online and pick it up you can do that easily as well all right number one we have a divorce problem because we have a dating problem ladies and gentlemen we have a divorce problem because of how people get together usually people get together because of their desperation and because of that to enter into marriage ill-prepared and because you do it's only a matter of time before you get a divorce many people believe that you get married for what you can get you don't you get married for what you can give the biblical process of why you get married is not for what you can get it's for what you can give nobody tells you that but it's the truth and listen you will be tested not maybe you will be tested in marriage as to whether or not you got married to get or you keep oh you got married to give ladies and gentlemen let me remind you again the reason people get married is to get used to be happy ladies and gentlemen the reason they get a divorce is to get happy and therefore the only reason it the reason that's the case is because I want what I want that I want it now so before you get married I want to get married I want what I wanted I want it now it make me happy so therefore you get married the reason what soon as a person get on your last nerve I want what I want they don't want it now I don't want to be married anymore because I still want to be happy and we have traded happiness for holiness ladies and gentlemen this plagues or culture and we got to stop it somewhere because their kids are being influenced about it because when you throw in the towel you have now given them an option to throw in the towel to therefore make your decisions wisely dating marriage second most important decision you'll ever make which is why you need to make sure ladies and gentlemen that you're making a wise decision in light of that let's see what God has to say to us on today the current dating wisdom has caused broken hearts cohabitation rates to increase now out of wedlock births divorce rates skyrocketing promiscuity like you've never seen it before date rape sexual preferences changes all because of the current dating system it's broke you just don't want to admit it it comes from I care more about my feelings than my face that's where it comes from I care more about my preferences than my purpose that's where it comes from and I'm trying to suggest to you today that we've got to ask God God how do you want us to do this that's the question we're trying to answer today and in order to get to that answer we've got to look at just some of the things that how it's caused major damage in our culture today here are some of the faults modern-day relationship ideologies that you have convinced yourself and you believed it and they're all false here it is number one ideas six of them then I'm the number one you have to have it all together before you get married you couldn't tell the last generation that they didn't have all the stuff you got today who says you have to start making six figures have your own house before you get married come on you don't want to get married and cuz they might be man you for the wrong reason you want to get mad when you broke now you know the following you for the right for the right reason I tell y'all this all time when I got married I was I know my wife loved me you know I know my wife loved me because I was making ten dollars an hour she was making forty thousand you know I know I love it she loved me cuz I was driving a brokedown Toyota Corolla that you have to wind the windows up and she had to come out of her house without her makeup get to the destination put her makeup off cuz I had no AC in the summer in Dallas I know this girl loved me she ain't following me I was a brokedown Jamaican that didn't have a haircut she had to teach me joking you need it ain't no man gonna follow a man black man that is without a haircut you got to get a haircut Joker you got to get some edges somebody gotta add something I'm from Jamaica I'm not anybody no edges that's $30 I'm paying $30 I'm good I ain't lying I'm telling you the truth and she had to be really messy listen if you if you're going to Jamaica do whatever you want with your hair but if you're gonna live in America you better realize there's nothing to it you know why cuz I'm not gonna be I want to make sure that she liked me because of me not because of what I got she had to have vision for the future to be with me she did she had that vision God you might want to do something with this one she had to convince her dad a vision cuz their dad heard that literally said why do you want to marry somebody broke she says cause he loves God okay anyways come on I gotta go tell y'all now uh-uh let me do it never do do do do yes you have to have sex before you get married current modern-day relationship ideology number three we have to live together before we get married number four I can initiate ladies I can initiate I don't have to wait on no guy to approach me if I like you I'm gonna get him let me explain something no problem you can do it all you want but just remember for the rest of your life you gonna lead them and don't ever complain don't ever come to Joseph he not leading me he never was you loved him that way let me say it a little better you don't want to be led that's why you got what you wanted number four we have we have to date for three years before we get married you're any man that want to date you for three years before you get married is not a leader leaders know what they want they go after it get it and move on no no leader have two three what am I waiting for three years for so what Joker you don't need three years you need about a good six months that's it you can know just know the right questions to ask ask me off line that's what do I need to ask I'll tell you you can know all you got to do is look at who she hang out with look at her Facebook friends or her Instagram for the ones that you talk all the time just go look at them go look at their pages you'll see a mess and I'll tell you you marry a mess anyways I'm going on a walk I can change the person after we get married that's the do you see that little girl that's married people right there to be like there's not one here's no no I need listen I need someone who has lots of our sexual experiences okay just remember you gonna be compared just remember you're gonna be compared here's another one here's another one I need somebody I need somebody who they don't really have to be Christian they just have to be spiritual okay all right let's see how that goes for you these what I'm telling all of these are false modern-day dating / relationship ideologists I am Telling You be very very careful so what does God has to say last week we talked about who you are and how do you work through some stuff I'm telling you right now if you don't understand the stages of waiting go get it blow it up put it on your wall so you never forget it that's what we talked about last week this week my number one question was hey how do I find the covering let's talk about that for a moment on the left side of your sheet it tells you am I ready for covering here's how you know you're ready for cover is Jesus my best friend somebody came up to me last night talking about hey I know Jesus Jesus is my best friend this is my best friend don't tell nobody that you're showing that you're unaware you have to die daily to yourself I want Jesus to be my best friend every day but he ain't he's not cuz cuz sometimes I don't want to talk to Jesus I want to talk to somebody I can see sometimes I don't want to share my stuff with Jesus first I want to show Jennifer I want to show somebody I want you to love my boys that's because I like to take it to somebody else before I take it to Jesus I asked her how much time you spend with Jesus yesterday I mean I mean I prayed okay you don't talk to your best for you you don't take your best friend like that hey a friend of means you're spending time with them so yeah hold up every month I'm not going to stand here and tell you I spent 31 days with Jesus meeting my best friend on a good month I might get 15 when honestly honestly Jesus is the one that I go to for everything and I yearn for him every single day of my life I don't get I'm not there so that's not one that I ever that I ever achieve it's a constant fight I want Jesus to be a mother but it's not that easy number two I love my life and I'm living on purpose are you kidding me yeah I love your look you can't believe you get to live you look okay what's your purpose I don't know you got to know why God left you here for you to really love your life you got to love the fact that I pastor I am truly content this all review from last week here's a this is how you know you're ready for a conference don't come tell me pastor I need a covering when you have not been laboring over these are you serving faithfully somewhere no I'm not I just go to church you're not ready whoo-hoo you gonna have to cover you then somebody that's you just gonna walk home don't say oh yeah cover me Yoko don't know you from nowhere that's your problem the same thing you want to do you want to just go to someone and said be my carpenter you want to go to something dude I said marry me don't work you got to know somebody you got to observe them you got to see if listen your covering is the person who speaks wisdom into your life you got to make sure they got wisdom to impart I've observed here we go you want to cover in then you need to observe them the couple or the individual for three to six months next one come on quickly by actively dealing with my own baggage do you know what your baggage are am i ready to practice what suggested will I value their time and what I always have a spirit of gratitude with my covered if you're not then then quit playing games let's go to the next corn the next one okay how do I know how do I find the right person then you're asking these questions of yourself you're asking is he or she it's he or she do they have a healthy marriage do you want to emulate their marriage I didn't say perfect marriage because nobody have one of those just a healthy one one that's where they're trying to do what's right next one just for tomorrow has has Jesus has Jesus been their best friend how do you know that are they faithfully serving somewhere do they understand people who this is important do they understand people you got to understand who the person is that you're dealing with you gotta understand their temperament get answer why they do what they do you got to understand people you can't just tell them what you want or what you would do because your temperament might not match theirs you've got to do what's in their best interest not what's in your best interest do they do they are they pursuing the fruit of the Spirit next one come on let's go are they connected to a group here we go is the person self-aware by the way signals them tell you the best way to be self-aware don't miss this if you're single scoot up listen best way to be self-aware go get her go get you our roommate mmm-hmm we'll get you one what what you mean I don't like living with nobody then don't get married but you're the roommate does a roommate will show you all the things that you don't like and they will do what a husband or a wife will ultimately do oh well they're so nasty they don't clean about it what do you think your starts gonna do well okay so they're gonna do everything your spa and then your your future mate should thank your roommate for working out all the baggage that they don't have to ultimately work out I'm helping somebody today some of you married people wish your spouse I had a roommate cause it would I showed you some it would I showed you some stuff you did not know I'm the best thing for you why because once you live in close proximity with somebody else stuffs gonna happen and you're gonna be forced to walk in the spirit and it will show you whether or not you're ready for marriage it will show you because you are deceiving yourself to think well when the chemistry is right and when the feeling is right it will work everything out it ain't gonna work not now just because she cute by the way you noticed we dressed alike today anyways just because she just because she killed just because she got a little tail and she got a little legs and all that listen let's just go and drop this one drop I mean I mean I mean yes sir listen listen listen listen listen listen man I'm trying to help somebody today y'all want me to be fake around here don't you it's going to happen so don't get so enamored based on that what matters is her character it really does matter and if you make decisions based on how she looks and not based on her character I am sorry for you because you're going to find out her character and I hope you made the right decision authentic living and they have to have discernment and wisdom here we go let me show the next chart on the right-hand side of your page listen this is so huge I want you to show you how ladies think I don't want to show you how guys think when it comes to dating this is how the work the world says all of this is part of the dating experience up until here the Bible says all of this from here on it's part of the courtship experience so the Bible says the world says all of this is dating experience listen but I want you to watch one concept and it's so huge this is how God made woman and man watch this everybody starts with social we're interacting hey casual acquaintances talking getting to know each other a little bit it was social right we're doing that in groups whatever then you flip it and ladies go emotional and guys go physical do okay trying to be a distraction but he ain't gonna win I'm gonna show you this truth guys you meet her you're hanging out with all and then you go physical you want to start touching teresi kissing I need to stop doing that with man all that all that all that all that already all that ready so you're going down a path no she's thinking listen so you had an interaction with her and you guys were close you hugged or you held her hand you guys walk in oh my gosh and you didn't even see Padonia you just hold her hands hugging her kiss her on the neck good night that's what's happening to her gentlemen that's what's happening - I'm not making it I'm telling you this so she's thinking emotionally oh my god oh my heart's racing yeah what are you doing I'm trying to help you all today the guy is thinking he has a stopwatch of his heart he goes out with her meets her hey let's hold hands let's see what's up stopwatch is on cool man yeah he's so kind and you're really awesome man I love you here your eyebrows your lips man you do that thing man all that all that and then he kisses you on the next day okay good night stop he's good he's going home chilling chilling you ladies you you oh my gosh when he held my hand and then he kissed my neck I'm not gonna bathe my babes everything else but not right here no you're laughing but emotionally it's going on that dude is chewing he gone through his work he doing something I probably hang with another girl chilly you you looking at your phone every day what detects what it checks what a good night hey hope you got a good night hey reached home safely same thing nothing did you comes all the time I'm telling you it sounds all the time this is why guys know how to wait you out you know guys do that right they wait you out they ain't calling you on Sunday because you just got the word from the Lord so you're walking in the spirit yeah they're gonna start texting you on Thursday because you're into Bible study on Wednesday and they don't want on Thursday they really want some Friday night but it's starting Thursday morning Hey just thinking about you Thursday evening hey you got plans for this weekend Thursday morning no I picked up something have a little surprise for you Friday morning I have a little surprise for you they know game when they see game they trying to respond see what you go respond to see what their chances are and if you don't respond right then they gone to somebody else a lot of these Nuggets will do to five different people at the same time while your heart doing this they belong all right I'm not asking you I'm telling you it happens all the time and then this one flips and then don't sleep with them don't sleep with them right here are you kidding me cuz now and some of you ladies just love some little one-night stands quit looking at me like you don't love and some of you do and you just you just throw yourself at somebody because you're so desperate why it's only the men saying preach all right you got this let's go to the last one so let me show you something that I think we should be pursuing in short you this is this is a biblical dating process I'm just saying come up with one that works for you but make sure it's driven by the Bible listen now listen down listen men let me start with you here's what a godly man is supposed to do he's supposed to be I'm not covering then he's supposed to identify some character traits that he's looking at in this woman he needs to identify these traits he's gonna identify them and once yet their character qualities then he's going to say okay let me observe to see what a fine in this girl listen man one of our members I called me last weekend sir pastor please preach this sermon real hard I said why what's going on she's about she's about 60 some years old and she says fast you don't understand to me I gotta serve my husband right now my husband he can't he can't pee on his own he can't clean up his stuff he can't do nothing I got he just is there and I've got to bathe him I got to clean him up after he poo I gotta clean up after he pee I got a man all of this time pastor he's talking trash to me she says that's a preach please let him know that they're going to be tested if they're in this just for what they can get or if they're in it for what they're there to give I'm telling you ladies and gentlemen you don't know many of us get sick mad because yeah give me give me oh my gosh there's my trophy wife oh my god listen the stakes are too high man when you get the chance you this lady right here my man your job is to mister is to protect her heart she's your sister my Bible says so since she's your sister you don't just roll up you know how she is and when she when you started talking to her you know if you if you zoom in on her her heart's gonna start to flutter so why would you want to do that if you don't have a plan gentlemen you're got godly man once you identify the traits that's what you're looking for then you don't talk to her until you see some of these traits don't just look at how she look anybody can pad something anybody can wear any kind of here you can get anything you want Brazilian here you want what anybody can get that I'm trying to I promise you man listen listen gentlemen if you're not ready then don't step to her if you have baggage and you just want to get close to a girl just because you wanted to be your best friend then go get help with your baggage but don't try it on these ladies just so that you know I ain't perfect I can show you I can tell you a bunch of ladies I messed up because here's all I'm grateful to God for so yeah you've jacked it up before that's cool then from today forward just realize that when you when you just go as a knucklehead and just play with somebody's heart it hurts them for years to come so then you go find any make contact with now you engage your heart but here's the good news you can get you to heart because you've seen her before so now you're saying hey I know I respond better to a broken heart than you do so I'm saying that I'm about 60 percent sure having observed you what's going on and that I like you you don't know me so you now get to observe me and if you reject me I'm good because I can recover quicker than you can that's what men do men step up and be open and say you get to reject me if I'm not your type you don't play the game with her heart you don't do that and by the way men don't go over do it now so next time you see somebody I want to be in it again touch you guys I don't want to engage your heart sir hey hey hey don't be a dodo now don't be weird with it now yawns hey good to see you sis what's going on sis good to see you sir and you keep it moving no be like well just be a weirdo with it anyways here we go so then so then after she gets observe you determine whether or not you want to go and by the way man set clear boundaries hey I want to do this for about the next six months to just see after six months we'll make a decision and you can either be in or out same with me we good you just not going on forever I'm setting clear direction for you cuz that's what leaders do clear there's no ambiguity there's no let's define the relationship you don't need that because all the time you're giving her clear direction can the real man stand up please then you get down there and get mad ladies ladies ladies I gotta go ladies listen ladies then you be undercover then when he shows up then you identify your traits you're looking for remember now don't play the game ask people about it and whenever they say something bad blow it up blow it up times a hundred blow it up because it will come back at you then you introduce them to your coverage then both of you try to figure out who this do this then you observe for a while then you're going back and forth you having dinner with whoever you're covering is so on and so forth why because you're making the decision in community and not isolated and then you make the decision together then you enter into a courtship and then you determine what the marriage is gonna be and then you find a minute and listen to me don't you make marriage the goal there are too many single people well it's like you in jail and you're just dying to get married and once you get married no you start telling the world oh my gosh we're going to the shoe pickin then we're going to the SHA cricket then we're going to the cake picking that we're going to and you're showing everybody as if as if you just got out of jail I want you to be excited about it but just remember you still have all the single friends to and you used to hate when they did it so then of course you can show some stuff but not every day keep that for your little community have your own little page for for the people that you care about that wanna see it quit put everything on display because they're people that were where you are and quit making it be like singlehood is the jail singlehood is the preferred life because you get to live undivided for the sake of Jesus Christ somebody need to tell you so here we go just watch the movie the other day what most people miss about the movie is that both stars were so in love with the kingdom and their mission that they would not marry each other unless the other was fully committed to the kingdom and the mission they said you will not disrupt what what my king is calling me to do you will let's not disrupt the mission that my king has called me to do is there for you I mean we're talking some but I ain't going down your path until you decide that you can come online with me and we can see what your mission is your mob mission is so that we make sure we're going down the same day I wish the King of Kings had some Christians who understands that they ought to make their master first and after their master then they ought to know their mission clearly and I am not fooling with you until you see how my mission and how we together can create something greater than we could Oh ladies and gentlemen we're trying to help somebody today I really have so here we go as we continue in our series we're doing this all the way until Easter I'm pleading with the men in the house will you please lead will you please lead your sisters in the Lord so that even if you approach her and it doesn't work out she don't have to change churches because he didn't lead her well she don't have to she don't have to say well but I can't stand seeing him because you treated her with dignity and with honor and you cherished and guarded her heart of course she's supposed to guard her but you have the responsibility if you're gonna love somebody more than you love yourself then you have this responsibility to model for her what it looks like when you just don't exist for you and existed getting her pants but you exist because you know she's gonna be a better Christian because God crossed our path together and then ladies don't throw yourself for people there waiting for you and your desperation just simply give up God's called you for purpose find out what their purpose is and live according to it for his glory and for his honor father will you help us please do what only you can and that is help us to bring all of life under the lordship of Jesus Christ and to love you and to live for your kingdom not our own to live for an audience one that's Jesus then help us to embrace the concept of of courtship that that's in concert with your word and not in concert with how we feel our preferences train us in godliness I love the older woman to disciple to the younger woman and the older men to the south the younger man so we know the stakes are to raise up a generation that will live differently because of all that the master has done for us we pray this in the matchless name of Jesus everybody said no movie no movie up here's what I want to do two things men remember what the breakfast is coming up and men remember what Bibles started coming up singles remember as we continue in this series remember singles now we're going to do this on the lounge evening and you get to ask any questions Cheddar's gonna take the 40 and over I'm going to take the 18 to 40 and when this here goes you're gonna your your section is gonna be illuminated in a moment when it is then you can go no listen listen listen you can go get the handout everybody gets one as you leave there been those doors they'll be in those doors they'll be everywhere you can get them as well thanks so much for being here as your section illuminator you can leave if you want prayer singles only if you want prayer then when everybody else is going out or when your sins not illuminated just come on down we would consider it an honor to pray for you thanks so much for being here god bless

Channel: One Community Church

Views: 15,302

Rating: 4.910913 out of 5

Keywords: marriage, dating, relationships, relationship, courtship, dates, blinddates, wedding, sermon, christians, christian dating

Id: 5qDsAgUneac

Length: 34min 25sec (2065 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 01 2018