2016 Singles Conference - Q&A Panel

all right I've always wanted to do what we're going to do we're going to go into this session which is a different session than we ever had before but I'm going to go into it right after what you're gonna do chosen and you'll get all our people that did that yesterday they'll come back up and we'll select a winner but on today I always wanted because I'm a little a DD I always wanted you know just like just like the nuggets of a talk don't set it up then tell me then then kind of line to play just tell me the deal right that's kind of who I am so on today we're gonna try that if it works really well then we're gonna do that all our conferences but so I have three people that have met with thousands hundreds of singles and of couples and I've talked to them and I just want them to give us their best shot in five minutes best shot five minutes so pastor Eric stuff that tons of people tons of couples some crazy so I'm not so crazy JD has talked to hundreds of thousands of women and and I want both of them to come here and then I'm gonna be up here and and and I just want them to tell you your best shot the best advice best thinking that can help all right one of the things I did for my for my doctorate work is I asked leaders who had an influence of more than a million what would you what would you do differently if you're starting out today a fascinating project and so that's where I got the idea from let's just go five minutes and that would be five to ten minutes however long the one at not 15:05 to five or so and it should be like a 20 minute talk between all three of us and then but you hear from three different people ain't that kind of cool I've always wanted to do so let's here it goes and we'll see if it's good or not if it's not then we won't do it for the next one but we're gonna try and see how it goes so I'm gonna start with we're gonna start with Eric and he's gonna give us is that wrong about who would go first hundred thousand so we'll progress and then you've seen Millions including unborn children so here's a good new it's a fast X go and go first and then we're free to stop him in the middle of it and say I don't get that tell me a little bit more about that okay so we're gonna do that by the way they're hearing the rules right now they haven't heard before so so he's gonna go first so go past Erik you got five minutes and and then we'll see how it goes went from five to fifteen back to five interrupted minutes well we'll just kind of go for a little while this is such a setup for failure so yeah tell-tell singles the one thing they have to know and here's what I know is gonna happen whatever I choose they're gonna be a big portion use this like really that's what all the things you came up with this is it so but but here's my thing I didn't get it made a point yet I know he has so here's the question I gave you two last night Kimber one goes to work if you don't know I gave you two last night that you need to know so tell me what those two were and then we're gonna jump on to Eric after that so I gave you two big ideas my best thoughts number one is make God your best friend create a habit of going to God and not going to everybody else and then number two is I don't know what you're saying so let me tell you I don't know what's y'all say so I'm gonna tell you you need to you need to have a covering you need to have somebody before you start dating that covers you because in dating you're full so you need somebody covering all right good good okay so I got part of my intro and interrupted so all right so so here's my ears here's my big idea and I'm gonna give you I'll give you two thoughts on the end of it but but my big idea that I think really every single has got to master is is simply this undress your mess okay say that with me say undress your mess we're gonna do it one more time and if you're uncomfortable with the word undress you can say address if you want but we're gonna do it one more time undress your mess so here's what I mean Galatians 5:1 Paul tells us that it is for freedom that we've been set free and so he says stand therefore and no longer subject yourself to a yoke of slavery what I find when I talk to singles when I talk to couples is that Christ has given us freedom if you're a Christian but so many of us continue to walk in bondage and I think the reason that we continue to walk in bondage is because we're unwilling to undress our mess because here's the problem so many of you are trying to undress your mess by yourself because you don't want to be exposed and I get it nobody wants to be vulnerable nobody wants to live with shame nobody wants to have people see the inner stuff that you deal with on a daily basis but the problem is if we undress our mess by ourselves we'll never find freedom and so I got a couple thoughts around that but but Paul exhorts us and and there's a lot of people in this room right now that are stuck in addiction maybe a sexual addiction maybe it's drug alcohol maybe it's greed issues maybe it's pride issues maybe it's anger issues but there's something that owns you there's something that owns you in the Bible's clear that we can't be both a slave and a servant at the same time and too many of us are slaves when God's calling us to be ones obligatory the others voluntary and God's calling us to be a servant that means we submit and we yield our lives all of our lives as we talked about last night under his lordship and and as Bobby said yesterday as this I think that conference is setting up very well to address this across the board he said it last night but your issues you have right now will not be satisfied in marriage they'll actually be magnified I know my issues issues I didn't know I had came out when I got married and then other issues I didn't know and my wife didn't know I had came when I had kids and so the the deeper in I get the more my stuff is exposed and the problem is I never addressed it I never undressed it before I got into marriage and so here's the scary part the only way to undress our mess is to do it in community and some of you right now in your head your pushback to me is but wait a minute I got hurt in community which is true and that's the irony and paradox and difficulty of life is that even though you got hurt in community the only way you find healing is in community and so we've got to be willing to find places I would say beyond willing we've got to be proactive to find places where we can expose our mess where we can lay on the table our sins our struggles the deceit of our heart the depth of the darkness within us and we don't want to do it because we believe lies I think what was most powerful about what we just did in worship is we are telling ourselves truth and too many of us spend our whole lives listening to ourselves and we've got these repetitive lies telling us all this stuff that we aren't that we shouldn't do that we can't do that we're alone in this that nobody else is dealing with what we're dealing with and instead of telling ourself the truth of God's Word we're stuck in lies and the the Bible across the the whole of the Bible we see this idea of brokenness right right there there's a there's a verse that says that unless the seed falls to the ground and is broken it'll never bear fruit so we actually have to die in order to bear fruit that's a biblical principle that that brokenness produces fruitfulness and there's too many of us that if this picture of a seed falling and breaking open we're putting that seed back together and we're taping it so that it won't be broken but it also has no ability to sprout and bear fruit so hey so here's my my two thoughts and then I'll give you 2 questions rhetorical questions and then Jada will wow us setting the bar up for you here here's my two thoughts number one as it as it comes to undressing your mass is don't live alone with your lies there's a lot of us that live alone with the lies that run through our heads and I don't know whether it's from past abuse or hurt or this I'm not worthy this I can't share this if I really share my stuff I'll be loved less nobody will really love me or understand me if I share my stuff and so I know from my own experience we're capable of doing some pretty foolish stuff if we stay alone with our lives for too long and we believe those things so that's number one number two is just get good at telling on yourself often get some good people around you we need community around us that we can tell on ourselves often that's the only way we find freedom we don't leave anything in the darkness and don't get tired of telling on yourself I remember distinctly I don't know if any of you remember Ted Haggard who was the pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs but he had quite a moral fall a number of years back and he wrote a letter to the church and this is stuck with me one thing he said in there is that he had always struggled with the same-sex attraction which ultimately is kind of what took him down out of his ministry and he always had accountability but he said in the letter that at some point he got tired of going back to the same people and telling him he was failing and struggling at the same thing and so he just stopped telling on himself and that's when he fell and so don't live alone with your lives get good at telling on yourself and here's my two questions for you do you know what your mess is if you don't your friends around you do ask them to let you know and do you have a messy place you need to find some people you can be a mess with listen there's not a person in this room including us sitting up here that are not messes at times and if you don't have a place to be a mess that stuff will keep you in bondage so undress your mess that's what I got we need to just say Amen and have an altar call by the way I didn't see any white bands up here yeah y'all have your white bands on y'all got it alright remember now if you ain't going do it if you're gonna follow Jesus just just any time during the session just bring them up and drop it right here any time looks like about half of them fell off last night I only saw guys lose them last night all right that's good that's good that's good what's past there it's a big idea come on what's faster eggs big idea tell me mom i undress your mess all right Jada's turn your turn okay so let me see mine one of my favorite passages is first Corinthians chapter 7 and I'll just read a few verses from it and share a couple of thoughts from that first Corinthians chapter 7 you can read it on your own it says now concerning the things about which you wrote it's Paul talking to the Corinthians church it says it's good for a man not to touch a woman but because of the moralities each man is to have his own wife and each woman is to have her own husband so he's setting up the stage for marriage and in verse 6 he says but I say this by way of concession not a command that I really wish all of you whereas I am basically single however each man has his own gift from God in 1 in this manner and another in that and he says but I understand that it he says but if you don't have self-controlled and let them marry for is it better to marry than to burn with passion and he skips down in verse 32 in the last part of 1st Corinthians 7 is very powerful he says but I want you to be free from concern one who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord how he may please the Lord but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world how he may please his wife his interests are divided the woman who was unmarried and the Virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and spirit but one who was married is concerned about the things of the world how she may please her husband this I say for your own benefit not to put a restraint upon you but to promote what is appropriate and secure undistracted devotion to the Lord and in 1st Corinthians what was happening is that there was a church that they had a little bit of truth because the gospel had been shared with them but they also had some old habits they hadn't let go of and they had some old truth that was mixed into their new truth and Paul was trying to help them understand what he what the command really was what the what the preferred life really looked like and when I think about that I know that a lot of times as an unmarried person desire is just a theme in your life whether it's desire to be married or desire for sexual intimacy or desire to have what somebody else has and and the lie that the enemy wants us to believe is that somehow all of our desires will be satisfied once we get the next thing and it's just not true because there's gonna always be something else on the list it doesn't matter how long you've waited for that thing soon as God blesses it or soon as he answers that question you're going to be excited for a few minutes and you're going to move down to the next thing God now I want this because I can tell you right now nobody that's been married five years is still celebrating their wedding day they're not they're not they may still be paying for their wedding day but they are not still as enthralled as they were on the day of their wedding they're not talking about their cake in their dress and their engagement photos and where they went on that's not what they're talking about they're dealing with today because that desire was met but then reality sets in and one of the things I think that challenges us just as believers is that sometimes desire can dilute our truth so the first thought I would say is don't let desire dilute your truth don't let desire dilute your truth because what was happening in the Corinthians Church is that they were trying to have sexual freedom and so because of that those that were married we're trying to get divorced those that were engaged people were saying no don't really marry because it you need to be sexually free and those that were single were like yes I've lived his life this is where I want to be because they wanted sexual freedom so it what happened was their their desire diluted their truth in that day being single was the real preferred life in that society because it gave some benefits of sexual freedom you might say that in our day in this country or maybe if you're in the church being married seems to be the preferred life but the point is you don't want church culture societal culture or anything external to drive what truth is truth comes from the Lord God says I decide what's true not what becomes popular because one season is going to be being single and the next season is going to be married and one season is going to be climbing the corporate ladder and the next season is going to be starting your own business whatever it might be you don't want your desire to be something that dilutes your truth so that means being aware of God's truth for yourself I talk to people all the time and sometimes I hear things that sound like a piece of the Bible is mixed into something else that was maybe a good quote and sometimes God's truth don't look good on the graphic sometimes they don't you don't get a lot of likes on Instagram but it's the truth and it might not rhyme and it might not have alliteration and it might not not have a great layout but you have to know what the truth is because otherwise you let your desire drive what's true for you and as soon as God city design just should he decide to meet your desire then your truth will change based on what you want next and God says our truth has to be undiluted it has to be pure it has to be absolute so my challenge is what what do you do to make sure your truth is absolutely in solid how much time do you spend understanding the Bible for yourself I was talking to somebody that we were talking about a popular song that's out and I'm not gonna call out any names but she was asking me about this particular song and I said help me understand the theology of the song because the song is talking about you know claiming something and putting a praise doing some stuff right and and we really got in a long discussion about well you know the Bible says that these things are out for us to claim and we just need to decree and declare because you know you we love a good alliteration you know decree and declare we need to download and discern you know whatever the thing might be because that's that's the thing right now right and so I said I don't I don't remember God telling me I need a decree in to clear anything I think he declared everything at Calvary I'm supposed to walk in what he's already declared to be true so I said when you create truth that that shapes your that meets your desire then you're saying okay god I know better than you and then you create truth that's on a sliding scale so what you thought was true in 1990 is not true in 2000 anymore because your desires have changed and if you follow that you're gonna be headed for disaster and so don't let your desire dilute your truth understand what God's absolute truth is that it's not changing even when it's not popular and the second thing that comes out of this passage is that you know Paul is challenging them on really who God's called them to be and he says look I prefer that you stay single because if you choose to marry then God calls you to other things and he says if you stay single you have an undivided devotion I'll say undivided devotion I know some of y'all are like I need some divided devotion I wish you like no no but really Paul knew exactly what he was talking about he's saying when you have an undivided devotion you really can go hard for the Lord because once you get married your priorities are gonna shift and and if you let your desires dilute your truth the second thing is your desires might distract you from your purpose don't let your desires distract you from your purpose what what is the thing that God's called you to in this season and remember I said whatever it is that you want soon as God meets it you're gonna want the next thing on the list right so when I'm going through a Saturday and I have 20 things to do and my husband says well what are you doing today and I'm like errands you know that's just that's the umbrella foot just trying to get my life together just add a million things to you know errands and so it doesn't matter how long that list is and things i've been thinking about for two weeks got to do this return this buy this go to the cleaners get this cook this as i'm going through my saturday as I check off each one of those things I don't celebrate that I went to the cleaners for 20 minutes I'm on to the next thing I'm not like man I did go to the cleaners I think I'm good and anyone come with this how was your day I'm like you know what I went to the cleaners can we can we just talk about that for a minute because what happened at the cleaners was the Lord met me I mean that's not what happens right what happens each one of those things no matter how badly I need to get them done how long they've been on my mind once they're done they're done it's out of sight out of mind I'm on to the next thing and our desires work the same way and you've had things on your checklist and it might have been to make a certain amount of money to have a certain job to live a certain place and marriage may be the next thing on your checklist and I'm telling you don't think that just if God decides to knock that thing off your list that you're gonna celebrate any longer than you think you are you gonna move on to the next thing because when Conway and I got married we did not think that we would wait 12 years before we decided to start a family and so after you get married and then everyone saying well when you're gonna have kids they're not they not excited about your marriage anymore they already wanted to win they bought your gift is done then they're like oh we're not gonna have kids and then there's another desire you and even think my kids before but now you have a new desire and sometimes God will give you desires not necessarily because he's gonna meet it in that moment because that becomes your offering to him and you start to say you know what god this is what I want but I trust that you know what I should have and so for 12 years while we wanted children and I wanted children and all my friends were having children and I was complaining I was like Lord I've been obedient kinda I mean I read my Bible I read my Bible you know I'm good days you're trying to be nice we're gonna buy attitude a little bit you know what in the world and so you start going through this list because you want your desires met but had God given me my son then it would have distracted us from my purpose because we could not have planted one invested in one poured into one giving it blood sweat tears for seven years had we had small children and so I had to realize much later that my desire could have distracted me from my purpose I could have gotten so caught up and what I wanted then we could have been in a whole different situation than what God has for us now and so now I just deal with the reality then we'll be one of those moms and my kid is in kindergarten all my friends kids are in college and it's just as gonna be this has gonna beat and they're gonna be like oh is it Grandparents Day like know that it's my son don't worry about me you know so you just you just get over it after a while and you start to say you know what I would rather you know why because now there's no burden with the blessing right now I'm not struggling trying to figure out is this what God wanted and all the stuff when you try to force the hand of God when you try to fast-forward what God has planned for your life I know somebody out there already knows that was supposed to be a blessing becomes a burden so I'm saying today number one don't let desire dilute your truth don't let this world tell you that if you've been celibate X number of years then you get a free pass one weekend don't let this world tell you that if you've been single long enough that all you need a man is someone with potential and he kind of loved Jesus and the work the rest is gonna follow they lying to you they lying to you and me and don't let this world tell you that that if she is hard to handle and you like her cuz she's got all of this gusto and attitude but when she comes on to you is gonna be reined in don't let them lie to you don't let them lie to you because what happens in your desires can dilute the truth and so secondly don't let your desire distract you from your purpose because I promise you if you go to meet the Lord today he's not gonna say hey did you get married he's gonna say hey did you do the thing that I left you on earth to do because purpose don't come at the altar are you going to live today the way God has called you to live where does he want you to go it can be anywhere it can be anywhere and so don't let your desire dilute your truth and don't let it distract you from your purpose if you anybody had come to ones and that woman's Bible study I'm seeing honey people I promise you that's what they get every single second and fourth everyone I'm just oh is it for something oh he tried a job he trying it out counting Millions first a third first and very present for real for real my landlady homes in my life she drops it every week don't you I know that's right I don't know to say after that that's too good I gave you two yesterday let me figure out two more let me tell you let me tell you no more let me get one more no one nagi to my get to my got two more here's a mistake I see happen all the time I think this one breaks my heart really does because I see it over and over again I say I think because often times we have a desire as Jada just suggested I think we then settle I really do and it breaks my heart and if somebody ever asked me to tell me to tell them the truth I tell them but very few be last but but I think I think I think because of the cultural pressure people settle with people that they shouldn't be married to and it's because you get to the age of 35 36 37 40 45 and you be like I do not want to be lonely and I do not want to die by myself and the truth of the matter is I think what happens next is you just say this is as good as it's going to get and I don't want to pass it up so let me just deal with it and then they find out on the other side that no I need I need out and I really do I think to think that's why it goes well was the first one which is the one I gave you first which is the idea of having somebody that you really asked to tell you the truth because I a seat from guys just settling and a seat from ladies just settling and and the reason you're settling is because you think this is the best out there and that goes with my other one which is which I think the enemy has masterfully masterfully deluded us into thinking that really the single life is not the preferred life is the reason why we named the conference the whole thing because I really am convinced that that we really believe were in jail and and the get out a free card is marriage and so we we don't live to a full potential and we don't fulfill what God has us to do and ultimately the problem is that we really really don't love God with all our hearts let me tell you what I mean by God he saw our affections ought to be for God what we eat early look forward to the most ought to be us seen Jesus face to face but the truth of the matter is we really don't want to see that's not the first thing we got some other things on the list above that and I think because the enemy has uniquely convinced us that that we're in some kind of bad scenario and he has made single equals bad it means that we're not living to the fullest now the reason I'm so passionate about our singles of initiative is I'm so passionate about about giving singles first cuz I really AM convinced at the enemy once you to believe that there's some wrong and by the way let me let me show you how much he wants you to believe the fact that some of you were man of the fact that there are three married people up here and some of you can't even receive truth from married people and the enemy has convinced you that that but well it's easier to talk about when you married yes he really really has convinced of that and he has because your argument is I can't learn truth from somebody who is not experiencing what I'm experiencing now let me tell you how stupid that is which means which means Jesus can't talk to nobody marriage which means Paul can talk to nobody America well there goes half the New Testament rip it out of the Bible but we have convinced ourselves with that lie and ice hear it all the time it means here's another one here's an hour when you come to a conference the stuff people talk about is there ain't enough guys well you don't say that out loud cuz when you say that out loud what you're saying is I only come here to meet somebody which means you just disqualified yourself if there's a good guy around so be careful when when you say check your own heart and say I didn't come here for a day I really came here to get what God has in store for me and I am NOT going to complain about the vessel he wants to use today if the vessel is single like you're gonna hear from Michelle then that's great if the vessel is is merit then that's great it don't matter god I just wanna hear from you but when we position it and we get all tough oh no they go and tell me are they gonna tell me be careful when you say that because it's showing the own condition of your heart and your heart saying I only want to hear from people who can do and live the way I feel and the way I live and I'm like be careful cuz when God has something for you he will use whatever it takes to get that information to you so so the first thought is don't settle just to get married the second thought is remember this is the preferred life it really is if Jesus lived this life if Paul lived this life it means it's the prefer light so the fact that the fact that you might think it can't be means there's something wrong with your theology not not not not not with how the truth is it is the preferred life so you need to figure out how do I live this to the fullest for the glory of God so that I want Christ more than I want anything else and I promise you most of the time when you zoom in on Christ that's when he will give you the desires of your heart because he says seek ye first the kingdom of God but we want to seek Him second third fourth fifth six and seven and the guy dia is we gotta seek him say with me alright we're done let's head for these guys come on well okay you wanna be questioned we'll take three questions any questions you have any one all you got to do is stand up and share the question and then we'll try and answer any question you have no question is off limit let it rip come come we got some cause look at God we got three nobody else tied up we got three one two three here you go give her this man you gonna be my little can you can you be my runner please is that alright to me named Kelsey Thank You Kelsey go here first and then where's the number two Oh number two and then we're number three number three well what if I I have a child already so that makes me think in my head like well it's the prefer life for Jesus and Paul but they weren't they didn't get as involved to produce a child out of wedlock so I have this out of wedlock how do I know that how is it the prefer life for me now because I'm a single mother named Latrice hey great question the trees just asked hey I'm a single mom how is that the preferred life for me either one do you want to take the Huon take that first no I think I think that's an excellent question the preferred life is as Paul said in second in first Corinthians 7 stay in the state you're in that's that's the whole point if this is where you are today and God knew the day you were born that you're you have son or daughter a daughter that your daughter would be here and you wouldn't be married that's not a reason then to rush into something else just because you have a daughter and so even if you were married you would still need community around you and so you you might need it in a different way now in the absence of a husband but that is not a reason to rush in into a union that God might not be opening the door for because it'll create more problems then if you just have healthy community right now with you and your daughter people around you sure plus if you think your child's a lot of work throw another man in their two children so if I understand it correctly my name is Kim are you so if I understand it correctly I am the rib of a man is that correct I'm a man's rib is that correct so how do I know if I guess whose rib I am can I be how do I know that that is such a good question so this is and I'm not this is not tell me your name is Kim Kim thank you so this is not to call you or anything but this is this is an example of diluted truth right so womankind is the rib of mankind that does not mean that you are every person in here is the rib of some man walking around on earth okay so when you try to extract principle truth and make it personal oh this must be this must apply for me then you can be in this path I have to find my soulmate I have to find my the person who whose rip is missing because I'm running around and so it's a legit question it is a legit question you know and the idea behind that in Genesis is so God could show us the relationship between one mankind and mankind not between Jada and Conway and it works because we're man and woman but it wasn't that I needed to run around and find it and so it's true in concept but that does not dictate what God has for your life because then if you if you play that principle all the way out truth has to work all the time right if you play that all the way out should you live your whole life and not be married then that means God did something wrong that means somebody was walking right incomplete without you and that's not true because should God not allow you to be married or if there's no if there's not marriage in your future that doesn't mean that he has done something wrong or that you are not exactly in the sweet spot he has for you and so that is a truth to embrace in principle but then you you have to be careful about trying to extract that to a molecular level that says I need to be looking for that person does that make sense that's a good question because I hear it all the time so don't don't feel bad I'm glad you asked it great great question yeah no I was just gonna say that whole soul mate the one is just foolishness the reality is marriages work I could be married to hundreds of you in here there's a lot of you I wouldn't want to be married to my point is absolutely absolutely find somebody that you're attracted to and if you click with personality-wise but at the end of the day is work it's me waking up every day and going I'm gonna love and serve this person and I'm not going to be selfish and I'm gonna die themselves easiest boss in the world to work for - I love coming to work every day I'll keep one up on you you will go back and forth yeah that whole idea just yeah yeah and it believed in - I don't know if anybody has this question but it bleeds into another diluted truth that comes up we kind of redefine what equally yoked means and then we start out I know I'm talking about why I got my bachelor's and he's stealing ma'am that is not what equally is about it is not it is not about your educational you know how how you complement each other in education or financially or we came from different backgrounds and and don't think that just because you've been a Christian longer than him or vice versa that you're stronger than him that's not true and so equally yoked means are you both believers are you both Christ followers not Church attenders are you both believers and then from there you go on to see is this who God's called me to partner with but that whole thing that soulmate the rib the equally yolk it gets us into this super focused path that only distracts us from what God's called us to and really sets us up to failure because nobody is ever gonna fit that perfect mole find somebody that loves Jesus and then do the work oh you don't have a mic oh sorry you got another course oh you're just gonna slip in there didn't you let's hear hers first and then I'll come to you right after that okay let's hear her Natalie and I'm actually from Oakley Bible fellowships Sarge oh by the way over here the same time I'm gonna be with you next week oh I know I heard I can't go to that conference but she kind of touched on it a little bit just being a single mom I'm sorry she touched on it a little bit being a single mom I'm newly divorced with two kids and so I just wondered if you had any you know good advice for being divorced and kind of reentering the single life world yeah to two things that to me would be non-negotiable one find a place to process what you're going through don't act like it doesn't hurt that's loss we grieve loss when it happens I don't care if it's death loss if it's relationship ending loss so whether it's divorce care ministry at your church or something like that find a place to process what you're going through in a healthy way so you can be a healthiest mom you can be and and find your community and don't let go of it if you don't have community now find your community that's a mistake a lot of couples make they isolate themselves it's just us two we're good we don't need anybody else which is the scariest thing I've ever seen as an isolated couple they got no leverage and the other person's life you may have experienced that in your divorce no leverage to call him back into account and I don't know any of the circumstances I'm not going to make stuff up but I would say just just those two things process it well so that you can remain healthy and and staying community I would say one more thing which is fight go to Bobbi Gibson the fellowship hello cliff and tell him I need you to be my covering so when I when I do roll up on me I'm sending him to you because I know pastor Bobby that I'm we're at the fool because I so desire to be married and you need to say I'm not talking to him first and if that scares him he ain't the one that make sense I promise you that's good work I know who to send you to go tell him I told you to be his he needs to be your spiritual covering Tamar said so and if he disagree tell him we're gonna talk next weekend my name is Brent I'm 45 never been married and God may be calling me to singleness for the rest of my life but I love our church and I'm constantly hearing it called a season and I want to know why we choose that term because seasons end and if God is calling me to this for the rest of my life yeah the season of singleness oh that's a good that's a great question I don't think it for well I don't think it's intentional on my part I call my marriage a season I mean it could be the season I mean somebody to check my food no no no in my mind I would think of it as a season two it might be the season I died in but it's still a season I think we probably use it more in singleness because it's more likely that that seasons gonna change hopefully then your marriage season right I don't think it's because it has to be temporary I think you make a great point from a terminology standpoint anything where you are as a season but I don't think it's assumed we don't under our philosophy I may not match our words but our philosophy is that you absolutely could be called to singleness and so we're not saying that it has to end so that's a good that's a very good yeah all right go dear all right we're times ready now I know so I know one more person have a question is it a guy praise God come in come in come on yes represent oh this is my hands standard - yay by the way that Jackie real tight you're good you're good you're good you're good you're doing good see you rolling it up see ya you're asking the question of us don't turn around address the crowd so well well this question is about the independent women like this this generation my generation the women's are independent so a leader I feel like I'm a leader so a lot of times when we talk to the women they won't allow you to be the leader like how can you give me a vice - you know I just made you attractive right there but Eric's mom bringing down the sides watch this go ahead Eric you suck I know no that's good just he's got his purity bands on ladies - leave me alone so my question is all the ladies that were clapping are you the independent women were you clapping cuz yeah we're not gonna be led or or what are you I think it's twofold one if if if you chase after God hard they'll follow you because I think as much as as the act like they want to be independent at the end of the day we all want somebody that we feel secure with we all want somebody we can be vulnerable with so I think if you pursue God hard and lead well and leading means laying down your life and serving and unconditionally loving and covering and speaking the word over and all the things the Bible says I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a woman who does I'm not saying I do it Jesus looking at me she's like your wife don't act like you do that saying what you should do I think if you do that you will find somebody who would love to be led so I think I think it's twofold you know we're in a generation where men have not been leading and so I think women if it oh now the women are like yeah so so they've been forced to stand up but have also been been raised in a lot of single-parent households and been told over and over and over again you only need a man for love we've shown that that that we can raise kids ourselves we can build houses ourselves we can do things so I think it's twofold we're not leading and and there's a lot of lies going around about trustworthiness of men so pursuit got hard lead well I think you'll find somebody who will follow yeah I would say absolutely I agree with Eric and I would say too and it's kind of for women but it's for you too young brother I appreciate your question that you have to be wise and discerning that you that you have to be discerning too because if you don't I know the women not gonna like me yeah you cannot be the only source that's that's challenging her in submission if she doesn't have a teachable heart I don't care how much you know jeez and she's gonna say but you need to be able to handle me Jesus need to handle her and and really so because because a lot of times we define leadership it needs to look a certain way and every man is not super assertive and a dominant personality but they're all called to lead and so if she is not already around women in community in places where she can be challenged on submission you cannot be the only voice of submission because while she should submit to you you cannot be the only one teaching her about it because it's just not gonna go well for you and so you need to find someone a woman that even if she is just kind of hardcore and and very assertive and has a hard time with all that if she is putting herself willing to put herself in community and under teaching outside of you that that's gonna challenge her you're just gonna have a much better chance because if the Holy Spirit can't convict her you're not gonna be able to let me add one quick thing to that since Jada was piling on the women I'll do it too for for the women who pride themselves on being independent and strong and and not wanting to be led let me challenge you that that's not a strength that's a faith issue Ephesians says wives submit to their husbands as unto the Lord which means I'm ultimately trusting God not this man that I have and so when the man makes a stupid mistake when the man doesn't lead quite well I'm really trusting God has got me and so this this idea of Independence is really a lack of faith in God and so think about good thought see y'all a good thang good I'll say one thing then we're done for real we gotta go here's what I'd say I think oftentimes and I've seen this played out too many times you've got a strong woman that gets attracted to a weak man she then marries him they come to church and the church says the man ought to lead she then gets frustrated because he's not leading her but if he was leading you you wouldn't have married him because you want somebody that you can tell what to do so therefore be very careful when you get married to somebody that that wants to go along with your program the whole way your personalities are so different that's why you like him you like him because he lets you do your stuff well that means oftentimes he's not leading you so when you come to church the next Sunday after you married and the pastor says and don't get frustrated internally because what you're saying then is well well you're not leading me no he was never leading you in the first place so therefore don't hasten to get married because you find a guy that would let you do whatever you want and oftentimes it's because of pain cause you dated a guy that was probably stronger than you and he probably did something stupid and so therefore you said I'll never get a guy like that anymore then you get a guy who is who is not as gregarious or whatever and now you're frustrated so be careful and recognize the personality differences that you're getting into and and realize that leadership is not always the rock that ain't always the rock it sometimes it's somebody different that has a different temperament and you've got to be able to follow him or you've got built for her and it lasted to the guys if you see the signs that that she's buck while believe them she's buck while gentlemen I'm gonna say one more time if you see this if she is never submitted to anybody before I promise you she will not submit to you I promise you if you just watch her this is why you don't just run up because she cute and she has a tail that you want to talk to her this is why you got to see who she is because marriage means you have my name and you gonna represent me so this is a lifelong deal so don't just go after cuteness get your mind outside of the television and look at some character which is why you've got to see who this woman is who has she submitted to if she comes to you and complain about her boss all the time I promise you it's just a matter of time before she complains about you observe how she deals was the leaders male or female in her life and she's telling you stuff you just not want him to listen because you're clouded because of how she looks removed the cloud and start watching she's telling you stuff just open your peepers she'll tell you we're done let's

Channel: One Community Church

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Id: fALxDEnJl0w

Length: 50min 23sec (3023 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 22 2016