Fentanyl Addict interview-Moser

what's the upside of this lifestyle i really [ __ ] love drugs so i get to be on them all right moser moser where'd you grow up where are you from originally um i grew up in allentown in that area but i moved to l.a right when i was like right after high school so i feel like i really grew up in l.a in a sense and you had mom and dad growing up oh i was raised mostly by my dad my mom she left when i was like 12 i think ken came back around right when i left why do you think your mom left oh i don't know that's her business how you describe your childhood in general um it was i don't know i'm not sure it was kind of typical what kind of kid were you in high school very popular but um naina not a cliche way i don't know i was more i got along with everybody but i also got a lot of trouble um you finished high school i did yeah i actually got expelled from the same high school twice but they still gave me my diploma cause i was close okay and what did you do after high school moved to l.a and when you came to l.a you did what drugs yeah where were you staying on the street on skid row or somewhere else in west l.a and then i would stay with i had a lot of girlfriends so i would you know bounce around between them i live with a lot of women how would you make money um how did i make money my girls took care of me you know and what drugs were you doing at the time heroin heroin yeah that was how old do you know now i'm 30. and so i started when i was like 20. he came to kensington when well i moved to back to allentown first and i used to come up here like every day for drugs but then some things happened some life changes my girl left me and i just had a lot of a lot of things ended and changed so i ended up staying here my cars broke down i was no longer going to be able to come here to cop every day so here i am how long you been here about a year and a half what happened to your voice uh i hit something i'm not supposed to while i was shooting up and every time it starts coming back i [ __ ] do it again because this is where i hit on my neck but you know doing in the dark how long has your voice been out like this been about a week and a half now so at least now i can somewhat talk right when i first do it there's nothing yeah yesterday you were worse tell me about living in kensington no i mean all i want to do is drugs and die so it's pretty perfect do you think you have a death wish i do but i don't i guess yeah you know as much sense as that makes yeah if you really want to die you just jump in front of a train yeah it's not that i want to die like i don't vehemently want to die but i'm open to it you know you call yourself self-destructive yeah definitely yeah and where do you think that comes from something in your childhood that happened or something you heard i think i'm just kind of done in a way um i just don't want to do everything i i just don't want to do it again you know my wife is gone my i just done i've done what i've wanted to do or i feel like i need to do i don't want to start over i just wanted you to do the work of getting clean no i don't wanna clean i don't wanna i don't wanna kick again i don't wanna be clean again i mean your option is is pretty bleak then yeah yeah it's just what i want to do so this is a great place to do it yes it is do you have kids or anything no no kids your family knows that you're in this situation my family knows that i am this situation and they've given up on you no but what can they do no they're not gonna stop you if you're not gonna cooperate what do you think would change your mind but what do you think would get you to tell me nothing i'll i'll decide to do something productive eventually you think oh i won't yeah every time i drive past you in the park i see you putting a needle in your neck yeah or putting a needle in someone else's someone else's yeah that's how i make money here people pay you too good to find a vein to hit them right and why the neck because the veins in your arm or legs are gone that's that's just where yeah that's where we go that's where it's where it works it's pretty interesting to drive through especially like the needle park in kensington and you'll see five or six or seven people in a row just openly injecting probably fentanyl yeah in their necks necks feet yeah wherever they can right and when they can't they come to me is that right you're you're a specialist funny yeah no abscesses nothing like that no your hands are rough though yeah i mean i've definitely had i have plenty of of wear you know all over what's the upside of this lifestyle i really [ __ ] love drugs so i get to be on them what's so great about them i mean i guess you have to do it is there anything that you're running from hiding from that you went through as a kid or something like that i don't think so if i am doing a really good job of it yeah you just you just discovered drugs and no i feel like i've always i don't know i feel like i've always been an addict you know are there addicts in your family no no no no do you have any regrets in your life no your legacy is going to be you were a drug addict that died in their 30s unless something changes right probably people die from fentanyl every day oh yeah i know if it isn't fentanyl it'll be a dirty needle or something like that right um it'll be something it could be a bullet yeah it could be a point out here but um this is always how i don't know like i said i'll decide to do something and i'll be great at it or i won't and i'll die what are you good at what would you like to do everything you're good at great at everything i do and yet you're you're living this very self-destructive life yeah is it because there's too many choices for you is because no this is just really is just what i want to do really you've been loved you've been in love before oh yeah many times and the prospect of that happening again doesn't no i don't want to do it again a lot of people feel that way do you have anyone that understands yeah understands you yeah who's that um the last one the last girlfriend yeah yeah where is she today she's in oakland i think yeah 10 years 10 years all she could put up with yeah it's got to be a hard for you've got to be a difficult partner for definitely what's been the roughest thing you've gone through just probably definitely losing her i was definitely you know the catalyst for this there's a run that i'm on yeah but that's like i'll get over it or i won't so you've been in kensington how long a year and a half yeah it's rough here i mean not for me you like the gunshots you like the definitely nothing new for me the hustlers and the drug addicts everywhere this is this is you know this is my surprise this is your scene yeah it really is you're comfortable with it you're not interested in rehab you're not interested in housing you're not interested in anything comfortable no what does your dad say my dad's ted are you dad's dead when did your dad die it's been like probably five or six years now how'd your dad die um i can ask something medical yeah not drugs i don't know if this can do no there's no other joke addicts yeah sorry about that no one's gonna understand you it's all right i'm open to interpretation you seem happy i mean i try to be you're a good communicator except for your except for your throat yeah which really sucks i mean i really that's a huge part of my life communication yeah yeah i rely on that so this really does affect me in ways i can't explain yeah and you haven't been to a doctor about it or anything like that no how do you get money for drugs i hate people oh i see so you have to fight them yeah yeah you're always in the park helping people find a vein aren't you yeah why do they pay you for that it's usually five or a bag of dope it's a dark existence you've got monster but i i imagine that delights you someone somehow right it's it is what it is you know seeing a therapist isn't in the cards for you no do you have friends no did you have dreams of doing something with your life when you were younger well i've always done what i wanted and now you're doing what you want and right now it could change though yeah definitely it could definitely change it has before this is my first rodeo you know but right now this is what i wanted what are you worried about no i said right now this is what i want no but what do you worry about oh nothing you're not afraid of anything no not afraid of dying oh you're afraid of living i really hate being incarcerated so try to avoid that that'd be good that's about it are there benefits to this this lifestyle yeah i do exactly what i want no responsibility no job well that's not exactly true you got to hit the vein i've got it i've got to be out there working all day if you had your life to live all over again would you do anything differently no nothing wow you ever get uh depressed or angry anxious anything like that i mean i think i probably am depressed but i do pretty a pretty good job of dealing with you know what was your favorite memory as a kid the only thing i have i think all my favorite memories start as an adult what's your favorite adult memory [ __ ] i don't know i really don't know i've done a lot i've had a lot of fun i've lived a lot of lifestyles so it's hard to say what would you say is the most important lesson you've learned in your life just to be nice to people not to hate anybody or anything to love everybody and do what you want oh absolutely absolutely all right moser thank you so much for sharing your story thank you and i hope you've lived a long happy life i hope so too hopefully i don't come back in a year and find you going i doubt it i'm not so fortunate thank you you

Channel: Soft White Underbelly

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Id: ub_nUoTlmV4

Length: 16min 16sec (976 seconds)

Published: Mon May 23 2022