Explaining ADEPTUS CUSTODES To My Girlfriend

Petty displays of wealth how can your short lifespans allow such narcissism yeah but look at all the hunky boys I do not care for hunky [Music] boys what hello everybody and welcome to another episode of explaining Warhammer to my girlfriend my name is Ava and as always I am with my lovely significant other Carrie hi guys hello welcome today we have a very special episode over on patreon we had our viewers vote for an episode topic and the topic of choice was the custodes custodies the custodies are they clean actually yes very clean oh that's nice wait if I wanted to vote for a topic could I do that well you could if you head on over to patreon.com numskull where you can get all sorts of things like access to our private Discord come hang out with us talk about Minis and paintings and video games and stuff you can get access to bloopers early episodes you can submit questions for us to read at the end of the show weird edits from Carrie yeah and much much more that's patreon.com numskulls real quick for all of our gamer Subs gamer enjoyers Del from now until May 2nd it's almost over guys get it get it out get it out using our code numskulls at checkout for any order over 3969 you will get free shipping with your order that's nice any order using code numskulls at checkout for orders over $ 3969 will have free shipping yeah get yours today link all in the description also yeah if you would like some pretty cool merch head on over to Orchid dat.com where we've got a great selection of items like nurgling sweatpants look at them sleepy nekron hoodies and more on the way much more very soon Something Wicked This Way Comes that's all over at Orchid dat.com Link in the description he's down there my love hi today we are talking about the custodian the custodies like custodian kind of I think that's some people call them custodes which I don't think is correct I've always heard custodes cust yeah which has garnered the another shortened custards custards with fish STI or banana boys cuz their helmets kind of look like bananas then and they're yellow banana custard is a thing oh I suppose well it works in both oh heck yeah but let's do the Banana Split now no last time we left off we talked about the emperor yeah and his unification War Terra and we ended off with the great Crusade all the bibis now there were a lot of details I left out of that episode because if we talked about every single detail that the emperor did and every single thing that he he's going to do we'd be here for a thousand years more than that I would 40 in fact like you got like a journal 9:00 a.m. checked on kids 6 book series that's that's true that's true that's true it's behind me there's a lot there's a lot Alex has so many Alex has a lot of books my love let me say you the vibe for the custodians these dudes are the personal bodyguards to the Emperor of mankind you know how parents say they don't play favorites yeah the lies the lies these are these are the emperor's favorite not they're more okay so these are hisid these are his personal bodyguards are the these aren't primy marks though these are not primarchs in fact they predate primarch and Space Marines and thunder Warriors let's talk about that for a little I was going to ask if they were the Thunder Warriors that's going to be like custies banana hammocks thundy boys but I I got them all confused no these guys came first as far as we know so they first appeared at the Battle of Nassau during the unification Wars and it's basically described like these techn barbarians they're like in a base and they're like and they look over and they see the emperor and behind him they see little comparatively little compared to the emperor because he's you know a ginormous uh Little Golden Warriors following behind him little guys not quite they're pretty big to that to in comparison the little guys in comparison to the emperor everyone as a little guy the biggest dude that's ever been hash Grande guy so custodes are like Heroes they're like right actual Heroes one custodian is stronger than like a hundred Space Marines now granted this is dependent on like who is writing the book cuz sometimes a custodian shows up and then they get like instantly nailed by a bullet and they're down in one right but sometimes it's like one custodian can take on like 80 billion dudes at once and he's oh he's so strong right M but you know the the vibe is that they're a hero like on tabletop if you're playing Space Marines you might bring like H 5 to 10 squads of Space Marines of like 5 to 10 dudes each you're bringing a a reasonably good amount of guys right right yeah custodians you bring in like six they're for real wait so okay were they made by Ms or were are they like dudes like were they hired they were made by imps but we'll talk about more of their origins in just a second okay uh I'm just setting up the vibe for you right now yeah but they're not human in so much as like they are not like you or I they can right they they are greater than us they've looks maxed they've they're metagaming oh they if if you looked at a stat chart of a custodes it's like 99 99.99 like all the way down their DPS is as high as you can get it's crazy and they they are awesome they are ready for Dawn tril you know what I really like about custodians in terms of their Vibe they're just generally kind of nice okay okay oh yeah nice D finally been waiting for this for what seven episodes we finally everybody's like what about nurgle it's like oh yeah the guy who like makes you just lethargic yeah dude yeah he loves me Grandpa Grandpa if I don't got anybody I know Grandpa's got me is that right nle yes my son here another box upon you thank you get back closet eat get back in there um as far as their actual Origins uh it's a mystery welcome to most of 40K things where the emperor had any involvement of like oh where did they come from like where was the first one ooh it's a mystery and nobody asks them it's so secretive well custodi being the Bodyguards of the emperor they probably hear him say a lot of things so they're actually like mostly completely silent like they don't have any actual reason to talk really they are if you told them a secret they will die with that secret so they're like perfectly loyal they are perfectly loyal you know they're like unsullied they are like unsullied in a Game of Thrones yes which hang on to that Game of Thrones thing for much later don't say that that's a terrible thing to say no there's a cool thing there's a cool thing I promise dragons okay there's a cool thing wait that's in the video he was window he like a dragon we'll talk about it later don't worry oh I know you're excited I know I know I know so writing down dragon dragon so so custodes as we talked about are like genetic super soldiers with equipment that is from like the Dark Age of technology so like right where a Space Marine has your average Bolter gun a custodian has like this ancient spear Halo Halo they got the shiny spear kind of and they're they're kind of just bulked up right yeah so they they're basically compared to so if we had like a tier list we would have like human Space Marine power Gap custodes damn like to a Space Marine a custodian is a super soldier much as to a human a Space Marine is a super soldier like they're crazy so their Tech is usually little though like look at his helmet from the side it looks like he's like yeah they've got like big collars that kind of hide most of their masks but you know they're cute I like them so how do we get custodians sorry I looked down and saw psychotic consistently dying don't worry don't worry about that so originally custodes are recruited from Teran nobility so Earth's got all these like noble families right and there is a tradition that still goes into effect even in modern day 40K where it's kind of like The Witcher okay without the um the promise the surprise the law of surprise the law of surprise yeah without that so like these Teran families isn't necessarily A Witcher thing no but like I I'm sorry sorry sorry so these tan families get approached and it's like hey we would really like your child to be given to us so that we can potentially make them into a personal guard of the emperor and most nobility are like oh my God what an honor oh my goodness receive of course Your Spawn yes you receive bragging yes okay yeah so got it The Witcher comparison goes even deeper because like they are pumped up full of the genes and the the chemicals and the so on and so forth to make them like you know perfect soldiers they have to be perfect right and so whatever that means basically like they're all just Brendan Frasier cira The Mummy just cop C and paste you're on the wrong side of the r River so it's also in comparison to that Witcher thing cuz you know how like a Witcher will bring back like 10 kids and three of them survive the trials right that's like the statistic it's kind of like that for custodes as well where like they bring in a 100 kids like 10 of them survive so very unsullied like very unsullied like yeah actually right okay um I understand horrific but I understand horrific very ass uming they it's because they don't make it as opposed to like you're not qualified kid go home so P up go home you're through how could I make a custodes oh you're dead oh no so every custodian is described as like a sculpture they're like a work of art where like every single like a mini like a mini actually yeah they're like a little scul mind dude so they take a very long time to make Space Marines you got to get them out fast you get them in you get them up out out the door kicked out of the bird's nest as fast as possible but every custodian needs to be again perfect so their gestational time is longer I'm not exactly sure because like the the actual making of a custodian is very secretive yeah because they don't want like possibly chaos making custodes oh no that would be bad right right they just the training is longer maybe the training is longer the process the whole process is much longer than like your typical Space Marine okay I did say Jean seed earlier that may or may not be the case because some sources and Warhammer things say that they don't use genan seed some say that they do and the most recent sources I found say that they come from the very Flesh and Blood of the emperor himself which is probably some propaganda bullshit from 40K like he's the God so they're like his actual Angels oh my god wow not to get demonon but okay the term Jean seed we've we've used it a few times and I just want to clarify are we literally talking about sperm or are we talking like I'm assuming it's like DNA like the right the a cellular copying so we're jumping ahead a bit to like Space Marines but there are these guys called apothecaries who they typically wear white armor they're the doctors you're medical guys and if a Space Marine dies it is the apothecaries job to retract the genan seed from that Fallen Space Marine wait what because in 40K they only have so much wait whoa hang on you it's done with a gun like a big it's not sperm that's what I've learn it's not it's like DNA so they they stick it in it's like a it's like a it's like a I don't know a suppository an implant what is this no no no so so the the gun that they have has like a drill on it and it goes through the armor cuz you got to get this done quick right goes through the armor takes out the takes out the the the Jean seed and they're like great it's good to go I'm more confused my love I am also confused I don't know what's this this is an episode like what yeah a little bit actually like you got to get the spinal fluid like you got to get it you know like so there's an there's a number of Gene seeds yes and there are many chapters in 40K we're jumping back and forth sorry just no that's okay that's investigating and now I'm horrify there are there are many space range chapters who have a very limited amount of genan seed and so it's like if a bunch of Space Marines fall in battle and we don't recover that genan seed we have literally lost the ability to make more space Marines due to that so that's why the apothecary's job is so important so if a guy dies you got him so Jim's a Space Marine all right Jim Jim are space Mar he's not a nekron promise promise uh he goes down oh no Jim oh no Jim we're he's not gonna make it okay well we got to get the Jean seed okay get the Jean seed whatever the fuck comes by he's got his drill gun gets it extract gots it it's in the gun and then he carries it he carries it in like a little ice cooler thing like Jurassic Park right got it yeah um and then they bring it home and they're like we're look we're going to steal this guys Jean seed we're going to recycle that Jean seed so that okay a new recruit came by all right this is Jim's Jean seed this is which is also our Primark Jean seed this is Je back into him for the gym seed all right yeah so so you put the gym seed and Jean yeah now does Jean have Jim's memories is it like a soul oh or is there like a transference no don't take my word on this I'd have to research this cuz I I don't know every single little detail of when it comes to make a Space Marine I know that they can spit acid and I know that if they haat people they sometimes retain their memory I what sorry okay I knew about the acid yeah so sometimes a space room will be like I have to eat this this person's brain and obtain their memories space Mar are wild quick kids eat your mom's spinal cord no no no no so most of them don't do that most of them don't cuz they're like that's messed up make sure you eat the whole thing you don't want to lose any of the powers some of them are really into it some of them are like really into it oh my god there are some Space Marines love we can't get enough of it I love it man I got to have more was a hor movie or r a little bell waiter waiter more human brains do you remember that show that movie Warm Bodies I never saw it but I know what you're talking about the the whole thing in that is the zombies want to eat the brains because when they eat the brain they experience the life's memories and so for them that's a pleasurable experience cuz they're zombies now interesting tap but okay that's wild so go so going back to what the the emperor Aid someone I have so many questions all I do is come up with who who out there has the answer to the most questions chat coming back how do we get me in a room with whoever knows the answers because imagine that episode I have so many quests we get a we get a Warhammer like l Master over here and we're just like but what is it though I'll need three months to prep and I'll have a PDF questionnaire oh man so okay going back to custodes to answer your question genan seed is like blood now again it is some sort of source of power it's like DNA okay but DNA is everywhere so I feel like for me that comparison is a bit confusing yeah okay I understand what you're saying I think more like an organ almost h uh again it's it's a it's it's whatever the current author wants it to be how about that is that a satisfactory answer cuz I don't think it's Saed three days later I feel like I figured out what jean seed is okay so hit me I should have had this conversation with John first so that he could have actually taught me the words um you know how some people have a bunch of programs that they always use mhm uh like on SSD drive so that they don't even have to install them on the computer it's already installed on the SSD drive yeah it's already there I think that's what genan SE is it's an SSD drive correct basically and for when you plug it in it provides the genes that then re in the phenotype of the things that match up with whatever that drive is basically copied off of but it's like a biological transference of genetic data a son of Magnus who receives magnus's genan seed to become a Space Marine will be more psychically talented than say a son of Horus yes because they received some files the data in the data transfer essentially that were like psychic upgrades biological yeah there's a there's a there's a thing and it it you know how when you're making your relic weapon you have to pick all your stats as you go or if you're like playing a game you have to like pick your stats or whatever it's just a it's it's programmed to have a distribution of different stats and you plug it in somehow I also hate how they look I don't know what I thought it might look like but I somehow it's so much worse it's like an octopus so most recent sources say that the custodians came from the very Flesh and Blood of the emperor himself I theorize that the whole thing of like they're made from the very Flesh and Blood of the emperor himself it seems like 40K Imperium propaganda where it's like it's it's to advertise if you see custodes know that they are like literally in in this 40K timeline they are closest to our god like they're perfect in every single way but take that with a grain of salt like the literal like they're made from his blood his body blah blah blah blah blah right that's more of like Jesus and the crackers that sounds like a crazy band Jesus that the crackers what's up my Sinners you're all forgiven that' be awesome kind of once a custodian is ready they choose a name and typically this name is from tera's mythology or history you'll have like here's my custodian Hercules here's Odin yeah pick a powerful figure of human mythology Hera Zeus all that kind of thing now the other thing about their names uh-oh uh-oh does one name themselves kisi somebody names thems Goku they would oh here's my custodian Captain his name is cook I mean he's an important figure to humanity you could probably definitely have a a custodian definitely named Sun wuk Kong definitely the the quirky thing about their names which a lot of people know about is um they add more names to their name for their Feats in battle and in service so some custodies have names that are longer than books okay I understand there's a joke in uh if the emperor had a textas speech device where uh a character is talking to a custodian and he's like in order for this spell to work I'll need your full name and the custodian goes like my full name and he goes yes and he goes are you sure does it cut forward 10 years it cuts forward to like 4 hours and he's still going and he's like I needed your name not like whatever you're giving me and he's like you asked for my name I'm giving you my name and he keeps going and it's just like because these dudes live for like thousands of years right they're they're practically Immortal so yeah it's like a badge you get another name as like a badge almost yeah yeah literally did you ever see the death of Stalin the movie no there there's a couple inaccuracies in the movie and there's this dude who's like the the the general of the armies for Russia right and he comes out and he takes off his cloak and he's got like a million medals and one of the historical inaccuracies is like n in real life he had way more he has like so many more Metals my guy had chain mail just l literally yeah no it was crazy so last time I kind of brushed over what happened to the Thunder Warriors you remember the Thunder Warriors they were the Emperors like first generation Space Marines they had the golden armor and all that stuff yeah so since then we have watched the last Church adaptation guys you can see that video yeah you can kind of see how unstable they were cuz not only were they constantly dying but they were also incredibly psychotic yeah so those were the guys who had the flamethrowers they had the flamethrowers and also when the was recounting the story right they like whipped his friend in the face or something yeah they uh they they fired on the crowd yes with one volley and like hundreds dead and then they decided let's have some fun and like charged in yeah okay they're terrifying they were psychotic yes so as for their fate I talked about how the emperor like got rid of them and I kind of brushed over some of the details basically the emperor was like these guys are a problem and they need to go right so there are two versions of the story of how they died I've seen some debate in the comments yes so about this topic specifically I said the emperor hunted them all down and I think what people thought I meant was like he personally educated them executed you now you've been very naughty boy stop living you've been stop it so that's not exactly what happened but I can totally see how that would be misinterpreted as how I worded it so the first story is the Warriors realize their fate and realize like we're a means to an end and by their fate you just mean that they're falling apart yes we are like made to die we are made we made to die not to be permanent how long do they live like is it cuz I'm Wonder like that's kind of how people die of old age right you just kind of start to fall apart right but I I guess in this story they they sort of realize like it's not that we are these happy happy it's not that we're like these perfect soldiers it's like we are our organs are failing because they are designed to do that yeah they're they're it it's almost similar to clones in Star Wars how they have accelerated lifespans mhm so that they're ready to go to die earlier but obviously like those of them that don't die in battle do die faster because they age quicker in this story The Warriors realize this yeah and so they say fuck you fair enough and they rebel against the emperor good boundaries to which the custodes and the first generation of actual Space Marines annihilate them gone right in like one amazing last battle right the Second Story talk about sibling rivalry well actually a lot of that the the realization is because they see the Space Marines being made and they're like wait a minute like hang on these are all Replacements they're like wait a second these aren't like new troops they are literally different oh no okay and they wouldn't just think oh new troops are just new tech which is good for our war I think it's because of the psychosis okay you're right little guy so the second story is after the last battle of the unification War they were hunted down by the custodes no they were cleaned up like like no no Space Marines just custodes and also there's lots of specific that are changed depending on the author or who exactly is telling the story like sometimes the Warriors like go out and they're like yes this is one glorious final battle and this is what we're made to do we're made to go out like this knowing that they're going to die anyway some of them it's a lot more like they don't want to die bitter they don't want to uh and some of them it's like a lot more brutal but regardless of whether these stories are true or not or the details the point to take away is that the Thunder Warriors are gone yeah the way that you described it in our episode on the emperor I had imagined him literally like himself going around and hunting them all down like the predator or like John Wick yeah and and that's totally my fault for not likeing yeah so a couple notable things about the custodes we talked about how they live a long ass time easily over a thousand years okay here's a detail there's only 10,000 of them fair enough at any given time there is only 10,000 custodies total at any given time so there are more than 10,000 made over time over time there have been over 10,000 custodi like custodians can die yeah but for some reason whatever it is it's always stayed under the number 10,000 when it hits 10,000 stop that's the amount of account slots we've got yeah that's all we got we have this many uniforms that's all we got yeah we can't we can't make more uniforms that's the closet space oh also I this was probably implied when I was talking about the tech that they're equipped with but like obviously their armor is like fucking nuts yeah yeah yeah armor is like the big thing in Warhammer like that is yeah they could probably get like Stepped On by like a Titan which are like these big ass meccas Titan some of them are like the size of mountains which is exaggerating but like they could get stepped on one and they're like I'm fine so they are fiercely loyal to the emperor obviously when you're making your own little guys you've got your models and stuff if you want to make like I think these custodes could be like fall into chaos like sure go for it but like in lore I don't think there's been any record of actual canical custodes ever falling into chaos once oh so perfect perfect there's something yeah they're perfect perfect The Golden Boys they're literally golden they're a little Golden Boys Little Golden Boys now what is interesting about them is that where Space Marines train as like all right you're working as a team you're working in a squad You've Got Your Leader you got your sergeant you got your captains blah blah blah blah blah right right custodies train as individuals oh more like they are each specialized Heroes I was going to say more like Marines and then I realized I actually have no idea what the difference would like I I'm just not educated in that yeah fair enough but in my mind Marines are just like John Wick I guess no I don't know how but okay so they but they're like they're independent like assassins they are independent they are perfect War Warriors and if one needs to make a split decision they will like they can work as a team but if they're like deployed on a planet right right which here's a funny thing about that there's like these historical writers in the Imperium right right they like take note of the battles yeah yeah yeah everything if they get word that a custodi squad has been deployed to a planet no matter the outcome it is written as a victory wait so the custodes on record have never lost matter the outcome they're just at their job so this is where the propaganda of the 40K stuff kind of comes in cuz it's like they're supposed to be the perfect Warriors so they're just lying why would they lie propaganda the 40K not the timeline we're talking about which is like more closer to 30k 40K Imperium is like height of satirical fascism me looking at historical figures but why would they lie but why would they lie the the idea is that the propaganda is supposed to enforce the custodians are the perfect soldiers so like we get word oh the custodians are being deployed to the Moon right okay before they even like get there the battle is written as a victory okay so it's it's less of a we are purposefully pushing documents into looking a certain way and more of a it's so probable we assume so we're getting it done early with the paperwork it's both cuz that I can understand it's both okay okay yeah fair enough fair enough and where you might need like a full Battalion of Space Marines to like take care of a problem on a planet like I said earlier with the tabletop example yeah you need like six codes probably that's probably even over it it's Jedi yeah like Jedi actually in the sense of like with the Clones you got to send in a big you know like a squadron or whatever but you send one Jedi with that yeah you send one Jedi as like a general but you might also just send a Jedi depending on the problem like a single unit yeah and we'll talk more about that when we get into some of the interesting subactions of custodes okay so one other quirky thing that is very notable to talk about when mentioning custodes are the blood games huh so most custodes are hanging out in the Golden Palace I thought you were going to say the gold saucer I was like so they're hanging out in the gold Palace they're guarding the Emperor or the throne or the palace itself custodies can stand still for like months probably okay oh yeah well yeah they're like perfect bodyguards they're like the Queen's got yeah so they'll stand there but sometimes they have these blood games which is a Terri a little test it's to test out the Imperial palace's defenses okay cuz we got to make sure that we're like there's no possible way someone could get to the throne room or like even penetrate the palace the Imperial Palace is where the emperor is us right it's a palace that's like the size of a continent so he lives there with um malador a door yeah there's one bedroom a do you think they decorate for like Easter no cuz that's religious oh I didn't even think about it I just thought Easter yeah no anything religious I'm an atheist from an agnostic family I get I'm pretty so little Jacko lanterns outside with little so these blood games are like all right these custodians are going to try to break in the rest of us defend right okay so it's it's and so it's like a game that they play it's a mock trial yeah I I was trying to I feel like there's a like a scrimmage match there's a better term yeah it's like a skirmish match yeah they're sparring they're testing out the defenses while also like keeping their skill they're doing exercises drills kind of thing yeah they're training yeah sometimes they will deploy actual enemies oh shit as like the attackers they'll be like yo we've got this dude this chaos Space Marine he's just here let's let's play a blood game and they put him in and someone's like I I imagine they put on like like a whole like theatric The Hunger Games it's all televised oh oh dude oh you could probably get you could probably make it man I yo dude you've got the blessing of the four chaos Gods I bet you could make it to that throne room I bet you could do it and he's like yeah yeah I could and then the custodes are just like their eyes are glowing they're just like try it try it come get it bitch it's that picture of like the one guy standing standing there with the basketball in front of the like 7 foot men between him and the net try it the blood game started after one of the primarch actually snuck in and hacked all the turrets in the palace to hypothetically shoot down the emperor's ship guys I'm joking guys guys I'm joking this was a Cod this was a Primark okay okay okay cuz I was like this whole loyalty thing goes out the fucking window right like that but okay okay Primark tried to kill dad patricide woo we love it guys guys it was a joke I just I just wanted to I just wanted to test you guys it's a funny joke and so after that the captain of the custodes like the commander of all of them was like maybe we should like make sure that our defenses are airtight and so the blood games are started now it should be mentioned this Primark um lies as he breathes okay so take this with the tiniest which one is this one his name is alarus or is it nefarious alarus I know but or alarus my love the first line in his book is I am alarus this is a lie oh that's kind of cool though it's really cool when we get to him I think you'll really like him now this Primark lies as he breathes so whether or not he started the blood games take it with a grain of Sal he's taking credit either way okay he's taking credit but he might be full of shit right got it all right it's time to talk about the subactions of the custodes are you ready my love oh okay so paying attention typically with custodians they have different jobs yeah especially after the whole heresy incident that whole thing they realized hey maybe we should actually have troops that aren't regulated to just being inside the palace because our Warriors are like they're too valuable to just keep in this one placeit so let's kind of split them up a bit so yeah there's 10 custodes but in those 10,000 there are different like ones that are dedicated to separate jobs yeah there specialize so your main boys are the heter and guard the hetero guard hatan herion I don't know how to pronounce it more commonly known as The Companions oh okay these are your box art custodes they've got the gold armor they've got red robes strong look if you look up custodes you're going to see a picture sure One of These Guys these are the guards of the Empire yeah I think Alex has some does he yes he does but they're not painted asarian guard tell me when you get to the ones he H has I will a he's so thoughtful no you're cute no you're cute so fun fact about these companions they're they're they're you know your standard typical custodian they're your guard of the emperor they're the ones you see most of the time after the heresy after the emperor had quotee unquote died he's still kind of alive but even that's like debated whatever he's on the chair we know how the heresy ends he's on the chair not doing great the custodes actually changed their robes to black as a sign of like mning and like as a sign of shame cuz it's like we failed in our one duty no it's okay A but after one of the prim marks had resurfaced they went back to Red oh cuz cuz they were like oh we're back we're so bad uh there are some earlier editions of Rogue traitor which would eventually be become Warhammer 40K um that described after the heresy the custodes did not wear their armor anymore so there's a lot of old art of like custodes not wearing their armor they just look like guys oh whoa what so here's what okay they're wearing some of their armor and that's the problem so they so they so they took off their armor like Mark of Shame Pyramid Head and alien into an AI image gen it's so crazy I love it a little bit of Voldemort yeah so they so they didn't wear their armor so this obviously isod but it's still really funny why are there cocks because they're still like chiseled right well these dudes are shredded they're shredded but they're also packing you know what I'm saying oh damn you think got like long hair what is this what is happening well that's part of their helmet oh okay yeah they're doing the Spartan thing where they're like yes that is that is the yeah that's the feeling it's supposed to invoke that is that they're like Spartans right now that obviously has been rcon so they just changed the robes to Black okay cool and they still wore their armor cuz people were like wait a minute that's stupid why that was a lot why would they shed their armor that's like the one that's the one thing that's protecting them why would they sh I'll watch Gerard Butler all day every day as long as he's not singing the next subaction of custodes is The aquillin Shield which is my favorite and the one that I'm pretty sure Alex is painting aquillin Shield The aquillin Shield okay they wear gold armor with a purple pauldron and purple robes a snazzy so these guys are really cool because they guard individual people who are believed to be the key to the emperor's safety so there are like these these these psychers right or these like people who like their job is to like read into the future and they're like ooh I think this person off on this planet is important for the emperor's safety for some reason so they deploy one of these guards to be a personal body guard for like a Space Marine Captain an Inquisitor Grandma down the street I hope that when they do that they do also do it like the Beluga in Finding Dory where they're like oo this person this person so these custodians are told you need to guard this because they're important why are they important I don't know they're private security they're private security and so typically their military personnel Guardsman spacemarine Inquisitor but sometimes it can be like just a person so Grandma from across the street fair enough Grandma's important too and so they show up and sometimes these military people go like I don't want a bodyguard they're like I don't care I see you will be protected I see and so they'll guard them for as long as they're needed and then eventually they'll get a message from those soothsayers or whatever and they'll be like hey uh I don't get this vibe that this person's important anymore and so without a word they leave The Vibes is off come home yeah no I'm not getting that Vibe anymore and they're like all right and then they silently leave oh now I think it would be really cute if a custodian was guarding like Grandma yeah and he like leaves and she's like oh that's nice God left me oh my goodness and she goes over to the table and there's like a note a and it's like and it's like oh please be safe you know like the custodian left a little note and that's also very funny because these guys are like 10t tall like him with a little pencil and a little tiny piece of paper no sad it's it's like Grandma Winder she's like come visit me sometime a I love the aquillin shield they're awesome they're really really cool Co I'm into that the next subaction of cust are called the emissaries imperius emissaries an emissary emissaries imperius okay they wear gold armor right a red puldon and white robes they also have like green gems and green eyes okay they interpret the best course of action and the wishes of the emperor through discussion and meditation okay these guys just meditate all day a they're monks and they're just they're they're Mon and they just they chill out and they're just like what is the best course for the safety of the emperor I believe it is this and then they talk about it and then they come to a conclusion Fair they are also diplomats who get deployed and it's like hey these two Space Marine chapters they're getting a little feisty they might fight each other and so they're sent and they're like brothers chill the fuck out can we not just chw and typically it works you have to share the PlayStation members of this custodian subaction have stopped entire like Wars to just their actions yeah they're awesome I love them okay well I'm into these guys I like them so we've had the guards right the personal guards right and the monks the diplomats the therapists HR next we have the shadow Keepers oh no what HR actually is they wear black armor with gold trim red pauldron and red robes so their job is to guard old technology from the Dark Age of technology and probably much worse things at the very bottom of the Imperial Palace right so these guys are in the basement guarding all the fucked up shit that we don't even nuk they've got nukes and they guard them okay who's trying to get now some chaos Trin possibly every like 5 weeks they're like he's back he's back shit I'm sick of this dude I don't know why he doesn't take the tracker off his shit he finds it funny I have heard of these blood games I would like to participate I do not have blood it is the only thing I do not have so sometimes they also these shadowkeepers they also send out troops to search and acquire lost technology or technology that's deemed like too dangerous for anyone to use and they go they acquire it and they put it at the bottom of the Imperial Palace so they're kind of like archaeologist but Western archaeologists they take everything it's ours oh look we got to keep it behind this Vault don't open it what a great thing that could enhance Humanity better take it away from the humanity that made it no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I need to be very clear we have all sorts of fucked up technology in Warhammer 4 oh yeah Squig hair squigs and and and they guard the technology that even the Imperium is like that's too much that's too fucked up all the Legos you could step on they keep them all in there dude so yeah no they guard like dangerous Tech back there next we have the dread host oh The Dread host wear gold armor with a black puldon and white robes they are known as the instrument of The Emperor's wrath these are the angry boys oh shit so these are guys who travel on three gigantic warships oh that individually are like if it shows up give up you're done right so when all three of them show up to a place it's like oh that's a bad situation right right that's like tyranids have like taken over this entire sector the bugs are too much and we need the bug repellent and that's these dudes okay so they show up they're face on Terra is like this giant golden Spire that has 500 giant fucking Eagle statues that are said to see disloyalty huh it's because they have like a billion cameras in them and so they're like analyzing like every single person who comes across the palace and they're just like are you doing any heretical shit oh I'm watching you they're always watching they're always on the lookout these are arguably the most most violent okay of the custodes now there are other custodi subactions some of them with more lore than others some of them with interesting color schemes however I have highlighted the ones that are the most interesting to me and give like a wide selection of tastes when it comes to if you wanted to make your own custodies I think all of the color schemes are great yeah now I'm going to talk about some OC shit you ready this is the first time I'm ever going to do this let's talk about my OC gu custodies if I had custodes I would paint them like this so these are the storm board oo Daenerys mhm they are bright silver cool with gold trim red jewels and eyes and blue robes sort of based off of Danny's look her most iconic dress oh a queen and so I've had this idea of like if I had a custodian faction it would be these Stormborn where I would take a bunch of stormcast models from age of and I would Swit out the bodies so that it's cust riding on dragons that would be cool and so my my idea flavor thing is that like on a planet where things are real bad let's say an orc W happens there's like a billion Orcs on this planet and suddenly they hear thunder and the storm rolls in and from the clouds descend these custodians riding on dragons would that not be cool no that is cool yeah a hey if there's any person listening to this and you think that sounds cool and you want to paint a thing you should let us know and you should like add us on social media because I want to see that your cool Arch send us your cool Archive of little mini things yeah you want to see your little guys we want to see your little guys thank you yeah no I I don't know this is just my little thing that as we've been watching Game of Thrones which we're on season 7 guys it's going downhill no spoilers it's going downhill we're we're fully in stickhorse terit I was I was there in the trenches no spoiles please but uh I know it's going to get rough so uh but like as we've been watching it like I've really enjoyed daenerys's story and so I was like as I was writing the notes for this I was like oh but it would be really cool because like if you had these guys like riding on dragons like it it just came from the idea of like what if a custodian was riding a dragon yeah yeah yeah and like it's I don't know that's just awesome to me it's time to talk about what happens when a custodi has to retire oh okay unless they die right a custodian needs to be in absolute Peak condition to the point where if they're playing the blood games and they're like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and they're doing the blood games and doing all that shit right hey dude you were a millisecond off on your reaction time uhoh it's time to hang it up oh like they have to be Peak Performance okay you were a millisecond off your reaction time was slightly off out wow okay it's done they're doing they're like counting frames yes they are you are one frame off dude that's it okay hang it up so this can be due to an injury or just old age yeah so typically this means that they become I guess you could call them a subaction they become the eyes of the emperor they are spies wearing these robes they're very secretive they're Spies of the emperor and they are off on these far worlds and they their entire job is to just warn of coming dangers oh and so like you know sometimes they pretend to be ogan which are like the ogres of Warhammer 40K so they'll act dumb and like walk with a limp or something and they're like always like in in robes or stuff or they'll just be like on some Backwater planet where there's like no population and they're just like in a shack but they're like these eyes that just search and make sure that there's nothing coming on now they've got all these super duper secret spy codes and stuff so that they can like talk to each other and be like hey man I'm over on the western part of the Galaxy and I'm all clear and there's some dude on the East going like oh shit the bugs are here they're like what do you mean the bugs are here they're just playing firewall pretty much yeah now anyone who sees these super duper secret codes that is not a custodian or an eye of the emperor uh killed instantly oh no super duper secret there was actually a story in uh the Codex are they that not confident in their own codes well no one can know about them they're that secret secret secret when I came up to visit you guys you and Alex took me to a Warhammer store for the first time in my life which was great and I loved it and he picked up his big 10th edition Leviathan box yeah yeah and he got the big book with it yeah yeah and I was reading through the book and he was reading through the book and he read to us a story where there was a guy who was an eye of the emperor and he saw the big tyranid Hive Fleet coming oh he could see it and he was like he called up terara and like his signal was intercepted by like an Inquisitor going like who who the fuck is this and he's like you need to let me through are you on my line you need to let me through through I have bad news that would endanger Tera and this Inquisitor is like who the fuck are you you ain't nothing and the custodes like entered the code that just gave him a direct line to Tera sure anyone on that Inquisitor ship including The Inquisitor himself was like shot wait hang on cuz every now and then you get a call you know and it's wrong number and you realize it cuz they I think it was intercepted by The Inquisitor like what who who is this and he's like you need to let me through and he's like no so wait he has a super secret code that gets him right shot you know direct line to terara why didn't he use that I'm getting the story very wrong I no no no no no no no no I I'm getting the story wrong probably I'm oversimplifying here's the deal he had to get through his signal couldn't get through the Inquisitor was like and he was like fuck it I didn't want to do this and it like entered the code in he entered the Konami Code inquis was like and then bang bang bang got him super duper secret now remember 40K super satirical so like this kind of overthe top bullshit is like standard right so not that surprising in the grand scheme of things yeah unfortunately but yeah they become the eyes of the emperor now there is a second retirement plan uh and that is oh no Heracles you've been drastically injured brother let's put him in the dreadn oh no don't do that why not do you know about dreadnots well I don't know but let me tell you about dread that can't be comfortable just looking so there are these things called dreadnots we'll probably have a whole episode dedicated to like specific dreadnots and stuff but basically it's this exo suit right that is piloted by a corpse oh they're barely alive oh okay and so are they conscious yes they they are piloting they can speak okay yeah so typically when a a dreadn is deployed like in dawn of War you'll click on like the dreadn and it's like unit training and when they deploy a common line that they say is even in death I still serve which is fucking hardcore I saw like an animation of one of these guys dying yes and it was really really really sad and I was upset it is really sad because typically a dreadn is old as shit right and so there are a lot of Space Marine chapters that like these dreadnots are because they're all like brothers right right a dreadnut is like big brother so when I was watching the video I didn't know that there was like an actual like organic there's a guy in there so I would like just reboot him now now sometimes it's just turn him back on plug them in sometimes it's like a torso with a head sometimes it's a brain and a heart and maybe some lungs like some RoboCop shit they would not be alive it's a life support system that also acts as like a me yes yes perfect so when these dreadnots die it's genuinely like history being lost because there are some dreadnots that were like I was alive during the Horus heresy and I I have like a little Space Marine Squad that I want to make in my head that is like a squad and like a dreadnut and like I have this little fun cute idea that they're all around a little campfire on a planet when a battle ends they're like tell us stories big brother and the dreadn is like oh and he tells like old War Stories and stuff I don't know it's cute big brother I mean shape and like sizewise they're kind of like big brothers from um Bioshock yeah big daddiy big daddy yeah they're very big daddyish well specifically this one this is the custodi one which obviously like it's better armor IR armor better armor better weapons he's one of the he's he's Aragorn's brother AR arm uh the ones for Space Marines typically have like a boxy look and look much more like coffins oh lovely which is great and I don't really like those ones I like the ones like the custodes here where it's like you kind of see like the top of his head yeah yeah yeah I like it yeah no but being in a dreadn is not typically great well but usually a Space Marine is so loyal that they're just like this is great the qualification great man love it yeah I love this okay that's kind of spooky I don't like that now also I should mention we'll probably have a whole episode based on them because they are they have a lot of specific things okay they have a lot of specific uh quirks about them as well and I feel like it would be better to have a whole episode highlighting them specifically uh the sisters of Sy sisters of s they are anti-magic oh okay interesting but again we'll go much more into that when we talk about the sisters of Silence but in terms of custodes that's it really they're they're very simple I like them a lot I love their Vibe I love their armor I love it a lot and I'm probably missing like they did this really epic battle in this one book blah blah blah and you know like that's all well and good but I'm here here to give the broad strokes and yeah I think custodians are really cool I like them a lot I like these guys yeah they're really cool right I mean I assume though that they're taking their orders from EMP yes so if Ms is not around they usually take it from their commander and then like there's a descending hierarchy perogative emps is the most important one yeah cuz I'm still concerned about the decisions he makes and that's sort of the thing where like the individual custodes is like typically a nice person yeah but if the emperor was like hey here's a planet of nothing but children like some crazy shit right oh that was that TV that reality TV show God the moment they put them in the desert they put them in the desert and they left them there running out of food feed them so if they were ordered to like destroy that planet yeah without a second thought yeah zero hesitation they loyalty is entirely on M they are perfect soldiers yes yes good soldiers follow orders oh no yeah that's rough there should be something important to note and I don't know if this will make anybody mad and if it does I'm sorry die mad um there is nothing that specifies a custodian cannot be a woman well I mean obviously if it comes down to a brain stem and some lungs there isn't that much so if you wanted to like have a bunch of custodies and be like ah it's a full like Battalion of women like yeah go for it wait I was thinking dreadn they're all non beanies like me yeah you were thinking of the dreadn no no no no no the regular C oh no okay I see I mean again it kind of goes into the Space Marine logic of like why does it really matter but like I think it's important to talk about because like I have seen a lot of discourse reasonbly when it comes to like but I want my soldiers to be Girls the space Maring one like Teeters on the like one time that was said in an old book or whatever right yes like that's what they're kind of clinging to so it you know I understand how the idea got in the brain do you want to know the reality of why there's no Space Marine women it's because there were and they didn't sell very well and so they didn't do it fair enough um but with these guys the only way I could think of you getting to that conclusion would be by bouncing off the Space Marines just based on I guess yeah uh similarity kind of in in what it is like if I were starting Warhammer and I saw a custodian and a Space Marine it would not be out of the realm of possibility for me to assume that they're the exact same type of thing you slap armor on someone you slap armor on it looks the same it's anyone's Cas the same thing but yeah no I I I just I see a lot of discourse with that and my opinion is just paint your models how you want them your head Cannon is your head Canon your lore is your lore Fair make a story have fun yeah subvert and if lore gets in the way of what you want to do fuck it the lore is a guideline it's not like set in stone you know what I mean like it's to help you create something right it's like paray parlay it's more of a guy y could I make a group of them but do them all as the various sailor seni absolutely oh that's kind of fun yeah wait oh no oh no oh no magic get cust can I magical girl custodies custo magical girls ooh that'll be fun can I give them a little transformation of course you could even I'm going to name them after fruit you here's my shield Captain their name is mango this is kiwi no that's adorable I love that oh she's so good I'll name one Ringo cuz that's apple in Japanese it's perfect Ichigo it's perfect there I'm just going I'm just stealing Tokyo going Tokyo primar wa wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait or Tokyo custodes we're going to clean up Tokyo wait a minute my love yeah we we made the funny joke of like hahahha Goku we did as a name that one of them took Kakarot what's sailor Moon's name usagi usagi Sino here's my captain of my shield guard whatever that mean that's funny cuz it means rabbit or bunny well because is is Sailor Moon not technically a mythological hero I mean here's my custodes his name is Inu saru oh Naruto my favorite cust Naro my guy dude oh man hell yeah Edward El dude with the rat oh you could just do alont like the armor is not that far off oh that'd be easy that'd be easy Al just on the inside of all of them Hollow them out and put the the mark drawn in blood already Hollow oh that part oh that's much harder yeah but it's also more hardcore that's true like but it's literally the opposite because there's but only you would but but only you would know it you'd be like no I would show everybody they'd be like hi welcome to the warmer I'd be like look I no I would put it on magnets you put on magnets and then you can take themart this is basic basic how do you not know this you freaking I'm so sorry you tourist tourist get good hey do you have any questions about custodes my love um so is it only the custodes can become dreadnots no this is typically just an Imperium thing like typically for super soldiers of that category like Space Marines and custodes they have dreadnots although not all Space Marine chapters like dreadnots there's just something so good about giving a big ass Mecha sword right it's so good it's like Esa so good and I es that's gon is so that it fucking slaps guys hey hey hey anyone who's listening to this remember the old dub fun no I saw one episode it was dubbed in Vancouver and then it was redubbed in ex hey designers and anyone listening to this who's into like sculpting or kit bashing or whatever you want to know how to make your Mecca look much cooler give it a sword give it a shield give it a cape oh you put a cape on a robot instantly 10 out of 10 design give this guy wait okay so you got to do the Final Fantasy 16 Quest 17 Quest and then you get the the Clive outfit his tits can bar big titties and a cool ass K you know how cool that look and it looks great on women too so that's great that's my current Dark Night shot's breasts are they cannot be contained brother they're about to burst cover those up my God no feed the family no damn Space Marine your tits be fat what's his name malcador is starving because the emps keeps going out at night and like going on his missions he needs titty in his mouth okay no he A Simple Man full mouth live forever Eat Hot Chip suck on nip the Imperium of mankind is tired of women I am once again asking this is now malador voice I am once again asking for your children to be turned into custodes what else did malador do sorry I he's like the best wizard human ever rinse Rin rinse rice wice Rin no rinse wind is not the best he just has one big spell in his brain it's the biggest one though it's the biggest and then it went out who's the best Wizard who's Tim Curry uh if we want to talk about 40K technically Magnus I was talking about oh sorry you were talking about color of magic color of magic with my guy R I can't I can't do it every time I try I have a near rincewind experience but I never quite get this I just had a near rincewind experience I like it when he's got like fold out chair like he's at the beach on the edge of the world it's so good oh I love him he's great going so soon I rarely get company n all nasau no I can't read any plan for different explaining blank to my partner series oh yeah also has ke oh is good is under my leg she is chilling right now oh yeah this is her chair this is her chair I'm just on it too but yeah no we've definitely talked about doing different explaining blank to my girlfriend or cuz we have very interest like I was thinking about doing some like show JoJo anime kind of things yeah explaining magical girls to my boyfriend sounds really fun or explaining Evangelion to my boyfriend which would be really fun cuz you understand it more than I do so I think it would be fun to just have you correcting me the whole time Carrie you've assigned the chaos Gods to hogwart's houses before but what style of bending from Avatar would each of them give to their followers corn goes fire yep that's a pretty easy goe I agree yeah slesh air or straight on the metal Ben okay I feel like corn fire nurgle earth that feels appropriate I could see that and now we get confusing I feel feels like it could be zeni air feels zi because Winds of magic magic feels very windy especially in fantasy yeah and slesh water thirsty you could like make a a joke there somewhere I guess getting wet getting wet I guess yeah you you say that yeah you can make an argument for all of them really I think listen you can argue about anything it's true that's what we found out on Twitter just favorite dinosaur a T-Rex king of Gore but that's the translated Latin name is technically king of Gore king of Gore king of Gore so T-Rex king of Gore all right y we're working with fire now we got it one day the crude biomass that you call the temple will winner and you will beg my kind to save you but I am already saved

Channel: NUMBSKULLS

Views: 46,049

Keywords: warhammer, warhammer 40k, 40k, custodes, adeptus custodes, podcast, couple, lgbtq, polyamorous, emperor, space marine, lore, history, comfy, story, simplified, funny, comedy, games workshop, female custodes, male custodes, hot custodes, emperor of mankind, custodes lore

Id: 86tT5m5fc8Y

Length: 66min 35sec (3995 seconds)

Published: Wed May 01 2024