Everything Wrong With The Conjuring 2 In 17 Minutes Or Less

[Music] Warner Brothers a new line neatly get their logos out of the way in 23 tiny seconds only we're not done with a logo drain cuz our has yet to check in after everything we've seen disembodied will be talking want to make the events of your movie seem like they're based on a true story dig up the Warrens connection to the Amityville Horror a story that has been questioned about its authenticity for decades discount Joseph gordon-levitt okay we ready then let's get started character at a movie at 1:39 marks is what I said at the zero zero zero mark envision yourself in a halo of glowing white lies it will protect you don't cut scare I mean try not laughing during this awful it's impossible movie proves beer Farmiga has a way better imaginary dream shotgun than you do by the way this movie emulates the first Amityville Horror in that the people sleeping during all the shooting are the deepest sleepiness [ __ ] in the world you slow this down you can literally spot a dozen different ways this mirror shot is off what an [ __ ] creepy ghost kid laughing creepily in a horror movie cliche also what an [ __ ] Jesus Christ this is a vision right she can't even keep up with a creeper kid and a vision how's she gonna possibly hold her own when this goes real life oh she's not oculus again ah Kim Basinger I'm kind of confused if fluorine gets strangled here does she die in the matrix also somehow even though I thought she was walking through a previous murder from the past this chick is still strangled by a white face zombie none ghost born out of a mirror and when you put it all in writing yes it does seem pretty goddamn ridiculous with stacks chairs like this what kind of Jenga bolt is going on with this furniture the people around the table should not be buying this but that halo of glowing light is probably preventing them from being skeptical this is close to hell as a everyone again the end the end reading [Music] Jesus Christ movie we get it we're in London the song alone was overkill but the British Invasion seizure was dead horse beating levels of unnecessary right Phalke get just a wanker the audience look at this movie is going to speak another language without giving me any subtitles I might as well give up can't just go into another country like this and expect me to follow along with my rudimentary understanding of whatever language this is I feel like maybe this movie isn't British enough this is a nifty little shot here where we pan up with mom into the hall window and threw it into the bedroom then follow the daughter back out into the hall my only issue is that nothing in the story or script of this movie comes close to matching the creativity displayed here in this shop the shot is above this movie actually for being such a well shot will be overall when we move us it look it's bad enough we're conjuring The Amityville Horror do we need two conjuring to a discount Ouija board into this thing look if this movie's gonna go all insidious on me why not just call this insidious for you already got Patrick Wilson so I'm already having a hard time distinguishing this movie from those movies this kind of pounding would definitely make me jump out of bed and fear for my life but this girl don't give up if a movie opens with excessive evidence the family is poor you can bank on even more evidence piling up as you go forward also a sweet spontaneous wet t-shirt contest I'm genetically hardwired by logic to laugh out loud whenever I hear the phrase ghost hunter regardless of context and now we're gonna talk to my next guest dr. Steven Kaplan who says that the investigations the Warrens conducted into the Amityville haunting is a load of hogwash then why isn't he the hero of the story careful who you call a liar what are you gonna do about it fraud fight first night bang some doors second night move a single swing it's gonna be 17 or 1890 where these ghosts do any real damage isn't it what are you doing you playing a game with Billy you're both here talking to her and playing a game with Billy can wait you bored demons man how do they work did she get over there that fast without making any noise ah hutch this goes on for some time like most ghosts from the fiery depths of hell this guy likes to play with children's toys okay the kid turned it off and kicked it into the tent now it's in his bedroom and turned back on I might be weirded out too but remember this is the 70s in the 80s I had electronic toys doing weird kid all the time America didn't really master the glitch free battery-powered toy until Teddy Ruxpin so this kid should at least be considering the totally plausible explanation of toy malfunction does this movie know how sick sense it is right now I don't think it does because if it did someone would have said something and this scene wouldn't be so sick since right now audio-based jump-scare cue movie check your D B's on it because I'm thinking about suing your ass that was loud also okay fine that was scary unexpected and loud I felt like I was gonna die but it's up with this dude if you want them out of the house show up and scare Francis O'Connor no one believes kids unless they're in the crucible those two really really wants these people out of his house decides to retire when the adult shows up super poor family has giant house with a television that has a goddamn remote control in 1977 it's like dad spent all the money just hours before he skipped out on his family that's the only reason I can think of that they're so poor because earlier mom said she had no money for biscuits and even though she has twice since produced magic biscuits she still hasn't sold this [ __ ] luxury TV and forced her kids to seek entertainment in their own imaginations every single exterior establishing shot of this house opens with a car zooming by everyone not to mention the fact that we already were just inside the house let's see we've got Queen Elizabeth family have a stuttering British kid so this movie is basically the King's Speech when it comes down to it Direct TV just reading book dude I don't watch her you're really enjoying that market doctor speech anyway be honest okay but why spend so many days pounding on doors and rolling fire trucks around if you have this serious appointment also why does he give up after that why not appear behind here five six seven more times until she leaves hi Mona Lisa on Mac yeah I know I know the castle but I didn't think it was that bad this guy knows his wife like I know his wife wink wink nudge nudge say no more anyway he should know that her disturbance has nothing to do with his shoe painting but what's in the painting you can still do the lectures no new cases and by that I mean we will take a new case ten minutes from now also you're not gonna tell your husband that the nun he painted is the exact same done that strangled you with a Lutz house but why because if it's a TV shows another scary ghost and holy SH they talk to it okay okay first of all what if you sleep untie this middle school now second of all why you acting like you didn't literally see a remote control moving old man ghosts earlier today did you tell anyone about that you think he's impervious to knots once again they super loud pounding on the store not only doesn't wake the entire house it doesn't even wake the sleeping sister in this room Janet knows this house is haunted but decides to walk through it in the dark anyway there's been a couple decent scares in this movie but now it resorts to the pulling the covers off and yelling technique you two being with this god damn it are you going to forget the bite on your daughter's shoulder and I'll ask again does this go scaring the kids and not the adult for is it bad that I didn't realize there were two brothers until just now can you imagine what a good scare that would have been if there wasn't two brothers instead movies been so negligent with I think the taller one I had no idea until I rewound this movie and found this kid a couple other times playing in significant background filler finally bring me a check from the kitchen would it be great if he went to get the chair and when he came back his partner was murdered haha maybe I should make horror movies no lice maybe this King idiot hears Thunder rumbling in the house and then suggests mice and fires this difficult on the spot of the cop this dick had finally figured out if you need people to leave your house you do in front of the authorities exterior shot suggest we're back in America for now but the lack of rapid montage involving u.s. monuments over Jimi Hendrix's instrumental national anthem I can't be sure Lorraine is transfixed by her daughter who's obviously transfixed towards something down the hall but this is a horror movie and Lorraine won't notice the demon nun until after her daughter points it out after god knows how many years being thwarted by them the ghosts have finally decided to haunt at the source of their enemies you ruined our haunting now you must pay the price of slam doors in thuds in the night yeah we all know where this is going right this goes to understand symmetry Oh laureen's been in the further this whole time I got a question though how did her daughter show up in her vision you telling me her vision has no rules okay I don't like that so what's stopping you also why even tell her these visions raise more questions than answers TV crew captures haunting on film but I guess the late 70s viewing audience collectively cried Photoshop or something mom looks concerned about her daughter's health but Carrie on TV interview why is the sister still looking at her obviously possessed younger sibling like she's telling a story about girl scouts why isn't older sister freaking the f out I'm sure the haunting is plenty hot news in this community but no bread that should get the entire front page by itself and certainly top of the fold placement over some soccer controversy it won't help really but isn't it about time they took this tent down it's kind of a catalyst for all [ __ ] boat isn't it this isn't creepy anymore you did this like in the first 20 minutes and you've moved on to possessing small children when I go back to random toy degree is it just a pad to the runtime if this dude shows up as a guy carrying an umbrella all of a sudden I'm officially done with this movie if you can do this as a ghost you can literally do anything it should have won already based on the true story also yeah I mean now we're talking about transforming yourself into whatever drawing is on a child's tour and this isn't your house kind of a dick ghost haunts the neighbor's house oh yeah it was Janet all along wait what this dude could clearly kill everyone here and not even think about it but he fails miserably and he basically just causes damage and cleanup headaches and there is a family in London that desperately needs our help can you believe this movie is at the hour mark and the Warrens aren't in London yet this thing is over two hours I had a premonition of your death moulding stalagmites come on we don't run from fights this works I understand that Janet is levitated did that happen in here as well yeah more than once when did that happen did we miss the levitation are we talking about the time when she fell in a bit fifty Christ compels you my ex-husband bought all the furniture with the house when we moved in this family unlike most horror families has actually lived in this house for a while now why did it take so long for this goes to get pissed off and Oh believe me it can hurt you but it's not going to right now or anything he also told me he can stop smoking any time he wants he just doesn't want it demon makes them all turn their backs because he's suddenly shine there's no good reason except to have a unique perspective on this demon interview scene let's go down a business what are you saying you're telling me no one has snuck a peek yet you see this 50 crosses upstairs don't deter this dude but this one tiny cross does are you sensing a presence no it's just the opposite I'm not sensing anything all right how can that be we could be looking at hysterical neurosis that would explain the multiple personalities no it wouldn't she wouldn't do that it helps me sleep Lisa no I'm not going anywhere that's not what we saw earlier you fell out of bed remember I'm sorry I didn't believe say what you will these hauntings appear to be good for mother-daughter relationships oh she's being haunted by st. Peter this [ __ ] needed a distraction in order to scare the audience I mean Genet these two must sleep like the dead how much noise did they just sleep through here like three minutes of solid petrified screaming silly this dude's plan was to suffocate her with curtains goddamn man you just pulled her through the ceiling into this room he transformed herself into an illustration okay you just killed something using your own powers they're gonna believe her right since this room was padlocked from the outside and this girl was found screaming and suffocating inside the only other explanation is that the mom did all this without the warrants down the hall hearing anything and what about the claims that Jenna has been teleporting around the house in her sleep you mean like last night when you found her in the locked room what the actual Jesus she teleported herself into a room locked from the outside easy discount gene Shalit I've already covered this but good job copying me she's gotta spit it out taken another set before you turn back uh-huh I saw the demon wants the humans to down his existence what a weird-ass ghost man he's literally just playing with them so you really do believe them yes we do Lorraine made and promised before they came here that they believed at the first sign of this haunting being real yet here they are twelve hours in at least could five pieces of true haunting evidence yet neither has even brought up the we should leave packed no one would be seated during the Patrick Wilson Elvis karaoke scene the fact that this random leaning against the wall generally unused guitar is in perfect tune a Texan and a half to anyone that ever played a guitar in real life though for scorekeeping reasons well rounded up to two it's so small and light har-har did you ever worry that there might be something hiding under your bed at night yep he's actually fixing their plumbing while staying there as a ghost hunter because Hollywood only knows one gear when it comes to super good characters and that's all the way baby look I'm fine with the Warrens integrating themselves into this family trying to get them to think happy thoughts and all that this movie waste so much time this basement was absolutely constructed with the specific goal of adding to the tension of a horror film I mean who builds that many half walls with that many open board slots yeah it's scary I just don't know why this [ __ ] has to creep anywhere he could just transport himself over to Ed and grab him right now if you wanted haha I was gonna kill that but now I've decided to kill you instead haha I'm so great she clearly got bit in this water but he's casually feeling around like there's a definite nearby plug drain or a million-dollar heart of the sea diamond down there he's back from the grave because his business has unfinished teeth even though this chair is definitely evil and connected to the ghost these [ __ ] still put all the Christmas tree decorations on it causing Janet PTSD every trip back for a new ornament oh it's the brother she just teleported into the next jump scare the producers of this movie really hate chairs locked doors are no match for Ed's average human man strength I think there's something wrong with your wiring movie doesn't even try to show you how he untangled her from all that mess this video is offered as proof of Janet faking it but if she's being possessed as they've seen happen doesn't this video basically prove nothing also does anyone remember that a hall chair got thrown on a line from the kitchen to the living room and is this footage from five minutes ago because so much more happened during that scene plus her brother was there and there was no footage of how she got into that impossible closet either a war the part where she magically appeared in that room or the bite marks which everyone conveniently forgets [Music] movie offers a the old-timey cover of the wallflower song from Zoolander is this movie seriously about to turn on him seeing a spilled tape in the shape of a cross really x marks the spot come on I can see that this is clever but why would he leave out specific words two different times that when combined magically form one message what kind of convenient ghost affliction causes this oh now you'll feel the presence you mean this whole thing was a ruse to get the Warrens out here so that this demon non could kill it geez never considered working in America she survives this thunder and lightning storm during the climax get out of here the site is being blocked by the inhuman spirit it's just unfortunate that her site which detects inhuman spirits was blocked by an inhuman spirit that's annoying the demon's name gives us power over and we can cast it out yeah really okay whatever I'm up for whatever at this point I mean Denzel could start narrating is one of these characters and this could be a huge fallen prequel at this point I wouldn't carry your name you didn't ask for it it was given this is the fastest solvable riddle since bat killer in Batman Forever no ed use your god-given door breaking hands demon that went through all the trouble of throwing a couch in front of a window a minute ago somehow can't stop it from breaking through a floor steam burns at Warren giving him conveniently blurry vision for the last several minutes of this over bloom bolt Edie is clearly oblivious to the Red Power Ranger stalking him from behind I'm kind of impressed by the new Power Rangers reboots marketing department here so I'll let it slide yeah no I won't and some people said it would take 600 years to cut through this door with a tiny axe old Andy did it in less than 20 find the hell with a demon teller its name considering the power uname possesses in this world well no you've stamped your Bible a bunch before your daughter snap you out of it I need my Bible I brought the exact one that Ida faced an earlier scene I figured who buys a new Bible those are the exact letters on a bookcase from earlier you mean they just happen to decorate their bookshelves with the five letters of the demon they're chasing or did the demon do this because it really wants to tell her its name for some reason do they have other letters strewn about the house or just these five and they just happen to buy two a's and all this bloody hell Valek if the demon is this powerful maybe we should just let it win well you know what to do now go get that dudes week door chopping axe and chop this down don't leave anything to chance lion ghost hunter is every bit as distracted by a sudden homely zoetrope as the little boy was earlier and I may never have written a more ridiculous sentence one day I'm gonna have to ask people who make horror movies why a demon with Duty making more work for yourself [ __ ] let me go in alright while I go in here will you go upstairs and cut down that elder blade that form from the lightning hitting that tree thanks I owe you one this demon don't give a [ __ ] about Loraine coming into the house yeah that would have taken him down with her boobies continue to perpetuate the line well what are you waiting for say it's name get the demon is as strong why is there any tension in this cookie movies climax thanks for that by the way okay now it's double the bull like three times as much double the bullet still doesn't prove to the church there's a demon here though yeah but how they didn't never have proof then Laureen sent the demon back to hell so what else could people find after this was over this tape which couldn't be manipulated at all is going to prove everything this very movie said it couldn't anyway I got the flow you all got to go so go get your bags so we can go house on the ceiling feminine pizza bag and minimizing job loss why would you think that of me no I am the one who knocks it's coming from inside the walls [Music] okay have I done my job up to your goddamn standards because according to my standards you fit the model of drug-seeking behavior now you may have a thick skin a skin stole our biscuits those are cookies cookies are cookies and biscuits I'm pissed if you call cookies biscuits - what do you call biscuits so I'm not saying scones you're up early yeah I couldn't sleep get inspired [Music] Oh first I'll just reach in and pull my legs out no I'll pull my arms out which might be daddy's gonna kill Ralphie no he's not no

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,938,412

Keywords: mistakes, cinemasins, wave jockey job, conjuring, eww, everything wrong with, conjuring 2, review, cinema sins, patrick wilson, movie

Id: gbQL3YMG1c0

Length: 19min 1sec (1141 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 13 2016