Everything Wrong With Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

from what I understand this is the story of the people who try to steal the Death Star plans which drives the plot of a new home I wonder if they'll succeed I haven't felt this much suspense since Titanic introducing Galen or so a hero so heroic that he's never mentioned once in the original Star Wars trilogy thanks for building the Death Star off DUP so we could destroy it dick it's not a Star Wars breakfast without some mysterious blue liquid why does this ship land so [ __ ] far away from the home it's here to investigate why double d's keep doing this you're on a spaceship just land 20 feet from the house is there any reason why gala needs to wait for these guys to walk to his farm so far away why hasn't he already run away if his daughter can get away he can too and don't tell me he knows about building a Death Star and putting weakness in it yet that comes later having already seen this movie I kind of wouldn't mind if instead of jumping ahead in time they'd have just stayed on young-jin growing old with Forest Whitaker a Star Wars story in movie stormtrooper ties are much larger and cooler than any other I got to play with back in the 80s considering that they had this hiding place that the discount stormtroopers can't find was there really any reason anyone had to die okay she's in space prison but where does this open door the camera is backing through lead to is the prison apartment with multiple rooms this is essentially the fourth of eight movies and the Star Wars franchise that focuses on either the Death Star or something like the Death Star get your head out of your Death Star Star Wars congratulations you are being rescued good god I might have to start removing sins just for the fact that Alan Tudyk exists to dig come on moving I know we have a lot of characters to meet a little time to do so how am I supposed to keep up with ring of Katherine Jetta well Bonnie and this place god damn this movie changes planets faster than it guardians of the galaxy film what is this it's a chance for you to make a fresh start we like using prisoners for make-or-break missions in fact we're also waiting on Sean Connery to finish getting a haircut while we D thaw sliced alone and they'll meet up with Jason Statham for transport here this is captain Cassie and and old rebel intelligence aka discount han Solo also one happy Mon Mothma is in this and they got the same actress from Revenge of the Sith to player but we're the was she in a new hope this is kind of confusing since she was the main rebel leader and returned to the Jedi where they're building yet another Death Star but as you know that's way down a line from a new hook we're hoping that he would help us locate your father and return him to the Senate to the testimony you gotta love when someone walks in on cue just to show they're in the movie and bridging continuity between the prequels in this one that's basically his role here you find him you kill him boss dude tells kasi and to kill Galen if they find it the guy that designed the supposed planet killing weapon you don't ask that guy a few questions maybe tear gate him trust goes both ways but neither of you trust each other even a little bit this is one of those things you say that sounds cool but makes no [ __ ] sense he's not trusting you nor is he asking you to trust him ah frightening CGI decisions also you couldn't find a guy who looks like grand moff tarkin you found someone who looks enough like Mon Mothma I'm sure she was in Revenge of the Sith dude that doesn't mean you can't go on a casting call for new Peter Cushing's this [ __ ] mind-reading Jabba ripoff with a dozen tentacle penises that's pretty insanely useful but I'm wondering how did saw end up hiring Bor goeth or did he just come with the Kate Pride this you just call back to a new hope is call back what do you know about Kaiba Christos my father he he said they powered the jedis light sabers is it just me or are the Kyber crystals this movie's midi-chlorians in other words things that rob you of the mystery of star wars this line not only makes a little sense it's never returned to were paid off in any way it's just random pseudo force poetry the guardians of the wheels unless you have subtitles the names of these things in movies are totally confusing I heard this as guardians of the Wills in a movie theater but apparently it's guardians of the Wills and now I gotta figure out what the a will is oh it's the force well the scene does a good job not letting you know where anyone really is and an even better job making you not care I sure would like to see what cassian is seeing right now I might enjoy this action scene a lot more did you know that wasn't me this is almost remove as sin worthy but this is a disobedient Android right here and how the [ __ ] did Kate 2's own over June and casseon work Donnie Yen is a blind force attune Star Wars character is such a match made in heaven I'm not taking a sin off the universe is stormtrooper suddenly has alarmingly great aim when it comes to hitting a stormtrooper being used as human shield go back to the ship wait for my call oh now he obeys after ex machina disobeying and saving their lives can you get us to Silver Arrow no but all his soldiers who are eavesdropping nearby just now can Jeddah is nothing if not a place for convenient timing that seems like a long walk to a super obvious place for song Guerrero to have been hiding all this time but whatever the Empire is leaving cats and dogs living together it's madness hollow porn land this movie game in the oxygen problem to pad the runtime from 2 hours 14 minutes to 2 hours 15 minutes I mean yeah right we call it the death there is no better name and the day is coming soon when it will be unleashed well it will be unleashed in mere minutes on this very city so pre-recorded Galen is pressing in as here on accident has placed a weakness deep within the system movie tries to retroactively Lee excuse the Death Star's ludicrous weak spot but fails because that weak spot is still so stupidly obvious someone in the Empire should have noticed that long before Luke trust of the force also Galen err so created the small champ that Luke will one day fire his one-in-a-million one-in-a-million shot into winning the day for the rebels but if he had this kind of power in creating the Death Star surely he could have figured out a way that would not have required such long odds there's literally no reason for the Death Star to cause a total eclipse on Jeddah before annihilating Jeddah city cool shot that in no way makes sense even lead the plans the structural plans for the Death Star to find the reactor why didn't Galen go ahead and send the Death Star plans to saw yeah yeah the plans are on some other planet but why not at least sent a drawing or some if he could get this message to saw surely he could get the plans or a drawing to him casseon uses a thing on an inexplicably placed prison door controller and makes his escape ah Star Wars the universe we're merely shooting a lot makes it unlock somehow this is possible while this is also going on and nobody important dies in the scene you know Hollywood not everything exciting has to occur at the very last second in order to be exciting think about the serendipity here the rebels find Jin in a prison on some distant planet take her to the rebel headquarters and send casseon with her to go find Saul then the Empire tests the Death Star on the a planet where saw is he shows her the gang later so recording and luckily Qasim was able to totally bolt this way out of his cell to save Jin just in time to fly off the planet before they died suicide by stubbornly refusing to leave with the others I feel nothing he had his chances your work exceeds all expectations said the studio to the CGI firm after signing off and this totally not real looking grand moff tarkin abomination everyone survives this literally the only way Hollywood knowns didn't own a mountaintop walk is dangerous is the cliche of a few rocks falling off the path how are there not at least six people dead after critic just yelled fire no one here is any of this I guess the film chalks it up to the rainstorm but honestly that's pretty [ __ ] stupid also I know Jin is a badass but a one-armed tug on this stormtroopers gun and he goes flying off the edge get the squadron leader on get him on now they're already engaged then several seconds of them flying through the mountain peaks before they're actually on site engaged but what happens like this movie gives a [ __ ] about time also didn't bode tell Cassie and a few moments ago that getting through these canyons was tough because the Empire had sensors and all through it why were they able to fly through here without any alarms going off this doesn't kill nearly as many of these [ __ ] as you'd think it would get the sense that this guy could have been a Jedi but the Jedi Council hadn't passed any a DA laws back then Jin's reunion with her dad is prolonged by spaceships exhaust because this movie stretches out every single moment two to five seconds longer than it should hopefully she gets to him just before he dies oh good she did hmm you lied about why we came here and you lied about why you went up hello well he did take the pilot guy with him so he didn't go up alone which if I'm being honest agree it's a bit of a dent in your anger argument could the Empire get any more Sauron yep this movie's gonna use the Allred helmeted Imperial Guard dudes even though a new hope and Empire both had none of them apparently just before you got to know invader was using these red dudes as bodyguards on the regular it's hard to create problems has certainly been confirmed damn Darth Vader's beginning to sound as bad as Bugs Bunny without Mel Blanc which is weird since this is before a new hope it's almost like the actor doing his phony says 40 years older now so weird until you can assure the Emperor the Gaiden or so has not compromised this weapon in any way especially in any obvious and easily detectable way that a child would spot instantly like gas vents that lead back to a main engine so I'm still in come on he's leaving dude why would you even risk asking this be careful not to choke on your ass for me she's director but Darth Vader spent some time as James Bond from 1960 to 1962 the question is what choice run high plead for mercy scatter your forces movies just gonna suddenly give the prisoner angry daughter character not only the wisdom for an inspiring speech but the public speaking and motivational skills required to make it work okay movie but I tuned out about half a jetta ago you're asking us to invade an imperial installation based on nothing but hope nice line but no she's got information about the installations weakness as well as legit experience versus imperial troops Andy blind force a ninja for a friend rebellions built on hope yeah just like I've always believed for this entire movie get with that yunnan hoping pieces of no show four of us is quite enough oh man you doing it's kind of amazing that the rebellion didn't think to send a small group of volunteers to do exactly what gin is going to do they have an impounded Imperial ship two Imperial defectors and they always fight when the numbers are against them so what did they have to lose by sending some dedicated fighters did I do I believe you for no reason at all other than hell the script says I do so let's do this road one rogue credits normally and I'd shoot this ship down but they promoted Gary over me friend yes I will send for you need someone you can trust I would trust her with my life I thought Princess Leia was on our way to Alderaan at the beginning of a new home and Vader boarded their ship around the time they reached Tatooine so sending the plans with r2d2 to give to obi-wan was a Hail Mary but here apparently she was sent to see obi-wan before the rebellion even new rogue Wan went on their own sanction mission w00t arrival schedule new flood station and even though there was a rebel attack there no one informed you of a rerouted ship because at this point everyone in the Empire is bad at their jobs silver arrow used to say one fighter with a sharp stick shut up after everything I've sent through you mean to tell me these men need a miracle on ice style pep talk prior to their battle this is the movie esteem ubi has tried to movie on my ass and it makes me angry makes me angry and I'm gonna start ranting soon I'll be looking for a manifest that would be helpful you know where you keep such things no reason to be suspicious good luck but is this what well don't you look at that they took the clothes off the inspection team and they conveniently fit Cassie and Jin I've got a bad feeling about me Oh boom ooh be intercepted Imperial transmission mom zone scaris even though this proves nothing and the rebellion was dead set against going to scare if they send everyone there now because rebels are the rebels decided to defy orders if bb-8 and Ketu it so have replaced both of you in our hearts you aren't the droids we're looking for move along I can locate the tape but you'll need to use the handles for extraction excuse me the tape did he just save the tape watchtower why keep it tight doesn't that just increase the odds the cannons will hit one of your squadron why not fan out wide and force them to constantly move their fire to hit one of you bunched up together you make one bigger target padding the XP and kill stats for whichever Endor is Manning that particular cannon so for these [ __ ] waiting for the skirmish has been going on ten minutes geez archive footage now so you've got CGI plastered over other actors posing as the original actors you have new actors replacing old actors and now you're just reusing old footage what was the deciding factor on all these alas poor red 5 I knew not status that's it because it's me yeah but what happens if you're not the person looking for the plants what if you die you mean to tell me that Galen left all this to chance this further illustrates why it was so stupid he didn't send the plans along with Bodhi in the first place or a copy of them or at least a general thing to look for when attacking the Death Star [Music] Jesus the radio and satellite this finale is in confusing with all this stuff gin and Cassie underdoing and tandem with what bodis doing this conflict will warp your mind into jelly but c-3po got at least eight movies why is she wearing Deadpool style double swords on her back we seen her use that kind of thing at all in this movie yeah yeah she snuck in here and some bounty hunter droid costume thing but still he had your hair I'm wearing this for the climax I never once let her use them that's a sin for the costume designer I think the muscle sweets a title for that code so go just look at the size of that hard drive whatever it is thing and sure the death star plans are probably a huge file but Jesus Leia puts them inside r2d2 later so why the empire need this much storage this is like the Rebel Alliance having moved on to mp3s while the Empire is still on eight tracks guys I'm having a hard time figuring out which character is blind in this scene blind guy who can see incoming blaster shots and enemies during battle has to feel around for the right lever on the console I mean you made this way too hard for us but you know good job I guess I like how once everyone is fulfilled their one crucial plot duty they die immediately it's as if the bad guys know to wait 10 seconds after they finish to finally figure out how to kill these people what the unholy [ __ ] is this bull the thing to set the antenna alignment is on the edge of this walkway for some reason instead of where all the other controls are misalign was it somehow hit during this battle by a we were neck swing that misaligned it but didn't actually damage it do they have to realign it every time they want to send a message out of here my father's revenge he built a floor on the desktop why would you say this I've heard of the bad guy monologuing in situations like this but the good guy died with the rebellion dead guy ex machina now if they got this transmission then why didn't everybody in the rebellion have the Death Star plans maybe they said only this ship could receive the transmission but ghin used a satellite to beam these things into space anybody could have gotten them right look how badly he's limping right here how did he climb up even if he somehow knew about and had a keycard for and then took the same elevator Critic did he's limping too badly to have made it up here in time this is some of the highest order Wow oh yeah look at that hoist it with his own death star movie rips off to sit on a beach in a week for the sweet incoming death scene from Deep Impact the rebel flagship his disciple on board but has received transmissions from the surface the an Arab boarding party yes yes prepare a boarding party for the rebel flagship but by all means allow a small ship to fly out of it later is this scene with darth vader badass and awesome yes that's a contradict basically every physical movement Vader made in the original trilogy yes still though this Vader scene holy seriously why are there no Imperial ships around to stop this it's like everybody disappeared a minute ago they had ships blasting the rebel flagship but I guess they were told to vanish once Vader boarded it by this point everyone should know of the magnet hide a ship inside bigger ships and do everything they can to prevent it from leaving ah more terrible CGI decisions perhaps even worse than the previous ones also I guess when Bale told Leia to go find obi-wan she decided to put herself in danger just in case the rebels were able to find the Death Star plans why does she have to do everything I can't there be somebody else in charge of the plans while she goes to find obi-wan I think the connection between this and a new hope is a bit jagged help ah gu movie hope hope hope hope hope hope hope say do you remember the first movie was called a new hope hope hope Bobbo Hope Solo the ship takes off using hyperspace and somehow didn't get to the planet before Vader tracks them down [Music] be careful not to choke on your aspirations now that dream is go back to this my heart our in my deliverer George vets on oh yes yes we are affirmative George vets or no being George vets will not be it some rose lean Rogue rogue one ha ha look down the base look down and close the shield you better lock it up you better lock it up whatever I do I do it to protect you [Music] there's a twenty six percent chance of failure never tell me the odds can this these are pets of course no white domesticated [Music] I would trust her with my life

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 4,653,864

Keywords: rogue one, a star wars story, eww, mistakes, movie, review, cinema sins, everything wrong with, wave jockey job, star wars, cinemasins

Id: GSCP2yg-v2g

Length: 17min 30sec (1050 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 12 2017