Everything Wrong With Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[Music] dc comics this is gonna mean a guaranteed a plus on my paper just by seeing this your writing skills grammatical prowess and structural work won't play a role not great at all i mean this is probably a false cover story anyway but you don't have to make it so obvious we're always happy to show off our prototype yes that seems like a normal tech company stance come one come all to see our latest unreleased inventions we aren't afraid of patent theft at all also you couldn't have set this tour up for the middle of the day rather than the heart of thieves time ninja proof notebooks also this large group of ninjas throw two stars wait six seconds then throw a few more then pause another couple seconds to throw two more it's not the onset of one of the time it's we're used to but the disease can present itself in sneaky ways you know the logos at the beginning were 30 seconds and hovering on the verge of tempting my wrath but now you want to spend another minute on pre-movie credits and you think your cool art design will save you you've treated my mercy carelessly and you shall now pay the price either the turtles left two pizzas out in the rain or they just littered on the sidewalk either way that's not the turtles i know and feel completely ambivalent about i always find it odd that the t-rex and the penny are the only two things we see most of the time displayed in the batcave the mechanical t-rex came from his adventure on dinosaur island all the way back in batman number 35 and the penny came from his misadventures with penny the plunderer in world's finest comics number 30. so did he just decide to stop collecting after 1947 i guess it's possible but highly unlikely look at all the wasted space open containers near electronic equipment powers industrial is the recent victim in a string of break-ins man we are going old-school storefront multi-screen news position on this one huh and now with crystal clear audio heard all the way into the street even through the glass also this sign simply says 30 and because i'm an [ __ ] i'm just going to assume that means 30 of the original cost and if the store says it means 30 off then that's their fault for being needlessly vague oh i see we're in the same version of the dc universe where metropolis and gotham city are bay relatives and it's still just as stupid get it because the turtles like pizza so much he squished a piece into his filthy utility belt for later this is a horribly unsanitary way to treat the food you love you might as well have it stuffed up as cloaca umbrella weapons because the penguin likes umbrellas i get it but do they have to be so colorful i'm just saying red yellow and blue weapons are not the recommended choice of colors for covert operations the genius that i am i figure we hit the wayne lab first and sell the tech to our new friend whoever they are makes sense that penguin doesn't know who the new ninjas are in town but how does he know they'll be heading away in enterprises this is the third person with this knowledge but no one has bothered to explain how they came about it the ninjas could be attacking lexcorp for all they know after all they would just have to jump on the ferry to get there my favorite thing about this ninja trying to grab a hologram is that he's so confused he has to try and stab it two more times even after it's clearly disappearing bad guys are always really smart until the plot needs them to be really dumb and then they are super dumb he's got a gun umbrella a gunbrella how cool is that i don't know how cool was it when his henchmen used the same goddamn thing a minute ago it's always the time for accuracy leo donnie would be a ninja at cinema sense he's got a gun umbrella a gunbrella we'll handle the force man toes around here michelangelo's common denominator the hell is leonardo not getting shot right now the bullet should at least be ricocheting off his plot armor it's a sword brella too it seems it is but considering the blade came out of the same location as the gun barrel and he fired off at least a few dozen shots and he later flies away on it where is all that hardware even coming from also why did he have to jump off the building before activating the go go gadget umbrella he could have just popped off the propeller while standing on the ledge and took off you picked the wrong battle warrior but shredder was about to leave all batman did was shoot his harmless grapple gun at him which shredder quickly disarmed so why did he jump down to fight this fight had been going on for a while now and while i get that seeing these two duke it out is sufficiently badass there really is a limit to how much punch kick block repeat that i could take no one will be seated during the post vista cuffs 30 seconds of heavy breathing portion of the movie they all survive this and raphael escapes multiple murder charges and then the turtles have a conversation about whether or not he knew the dumpster was there and then he says maybe and then donatello channels cinemasins again and says that they might not have survived anyway the way this movie tries to forgive its own stupidity by talking around it is downright exhausting think this is the guy working with shredder could be they had to follow shredder and the foot clan to gotham and they really knew nothing about batman maybe they should look into doing actual research and not just relying on conveniently timed newscasts yeah leo no one knows how that utility belt works he always just seems to have whatever it is he needs at his disposal at hogwarts they just called it the utility belty requirement to the face i said to the face maybe not telling your opponent exactly what your attack strategy is could be beneficial this place has 26 pizzas boxed up on its front counter and while it's possible that pizza places have to make this many pizzas occasionally they don't usually haphazardly just stack them in a common area for maximum comedic effect okay taser level seven neat weapon but how is that helpful unless the person in question is literally right in front of the batmobile seems rather limiting master shredder i trust you procured the cloud seeder from wayne enterprises imitation jeff goldblum is using some sort of two lensed glasses on his face despite having the compound eyes of a fly you will have to explain this setback to our partner who i won't mention by name because pronoun gaming is so much more fun for the audience remember your plan would be nothing without me and my supply of the ooze nothing to see here just two grown men in costumes reminding each other of things they already know for the benefit of no one in particular i just hope you can deliver all you've promised if it's a demonstration you want i would give all the sins back right now plus 300 if the demonstration involved one mr robert matthew van winkle giving us a little go ninja go ninja go for the glory of the head of the demon my college girlfriend's pre fellatio pep talk somehow makes it into the script once we obtain the cloud cedar gotham's own citizens will tear their city to the ground why the [ __ ] do these villains especially in dc movies always talk about their plans on the top floor of a building with openings in the roof from which superheroes can see and hear everything also i get this movie is playing a little looser with these characters but they keep saying cloud cedar with such a serious tone and really any name for the device would have been better than that because batman teenage mutant ninja turtles shredder the penguin batgirl and ross all glue weren't enough let's throw robin in as well is ace the bat hound around maybe we can have a scene of nightwing walking him while poison ivy is giving nightwing a poisonous hand job and harley quinn is dealing with knight's tail section the way he fought avoiding lethal blows he wanted to figure us out like a detective i feel like somewhere in the last 10 years warner realized that batman fans jizz and juice anytime anyone refers to him as a detective so they put out a memo that all batman related properties had to force in at least three detective references per movie why does batman leave an open window in his lab in this day and age of two separate ninja teams running around wreaking havoc sure maybe he knows batgirl is going to show up but surely this kind of entry isn't necessary and the dna on this weapon suggests they were mutated by an outside agent you got the turtle part and the ninja part and now the mutant part if only you knew how old they were i love being an amphibian as much as the next guy amphibious we're still reptiles i swear donatello exists just to make me mad by sending things before i can't well guess what donnie boy if you've seen your own movie again i'm just gonna let sinsworth add a ding and move on now i can be even more lazy so suck on that i made a database of every reported batman sighting and ran it through an algorithm that triangulated against the city's police records and natural cave formations yeah but how do you know batman uses a cave also how many times does batman go out and get sighted anywhere near his own bat cave look i get it the movie needs to sound super smart on how the turtles find batman but this is also also years of supervillain geniuses couldn't find it but give a pubescent mutated martial arts terrapin a computer in half a day and voila oh a tiny dude's like totally trying to kill me this reminds me of a dream i had once about warwick davis in a chainsaw which reminds me about another dream i had where julianne moore was wearing nothing and holding a chainsaw hmm i have a lot of dreams about chainsaws then i may as well tell you that i know exactly who shredder and the foot are working with you should have probably done that regardless [ __ ] robin what did i say earlier about open containers and electronics the sin is for not listening and don't you expect me to pay for a new keyboard young man you did this to yourself in the next minute on shredder's way to joker he will meet cameos from mr freeze bane aceto scarecrow two-face poison enemy and harley quinn it's like all the ridiculousness of the batman villain list from lego batman but with none of the self-awareness or humor it's bad enough when you have to play all the hits from one universe but this movie has to squeeze in forced references from two so this league of assassins seems just like your standard evil ninja deal agreed so where is michael dudakov when you need him don't worry it'll only work on someone who's been mutated in the last 12 hours i might be able to look past the fact that donnie and batgirl conjured up this anti-ooze antidote in less than a day but having a harder time with the 12 hour time limit they somehow injected into it i've never seen an attack like that it must have been the satoshi strike and the only information i needed to deduce that was that you'd never seen it before so now i can go into some illustrated backstory narration about it just as god intended shredder may have ancient ninja moves but i've still got a utility belt oh i get it batman is stupid in this version are we sure zack snyder didn't direct this teenagers mutants ninjas turtles i've never seen a roll credits moment that was so much not a roll credits moment but at the same time also so much was a roll credits moment in all my life leave before i finish that never gets old i'm still here but why look i'm not gonna take the time to draw up the astrological charts or anything but the chances that every character in this movie just happens to get their own bruce almighty moon to jump in front of any time they are running at night are well astronomical it's not a race i never said i didn't want to win no you said it's not a race which means there isn't anything to win in the first place so you're still a hypocrite so the showers in this prison are fed by a water capsule and one that just happens to be the same size and shape as a container of ooze how fortunate also apparently that canister got the loaves and fishes treatment because that tiny amount was enough for everyone with at least 12 baskets left over didn't commissioner gordon say that they had the perimeter locked down where are the people locking down the perimeter this perimeter is super unlocked remember this whole asylum is essentially a maze first why would gotham make an asylum a complicated construction for one to get through how is that helpful to anyone and second the turtles have never been here so why the [ __ ] would they remember anything and on top of that even before they were mutated these inmates were the deadliest criminals in all of gotham well i mean except scarecrow right he has his moments but i think batman is playing a little fast and loose with the word deadliest hello batman i was afraid you wouldn't show up so the turtles were turtles before they were mutated and they mutated into larger turtles with human characteristics why are all batman's enemies mutating into animals at all and even if that's part of the deal how would the mutagen know to make them something similar to their villainy persona it's not like jonathan crane is actually a scarecrow so why is he crow like why didn't he take the features of an alligator or giraffe no hey creature leave that kid alone that's a decent pink floyd reference raphael but you're facing off against mr freeze so something from the thin ice would have been more appropriate just a reminder as robin is playing some freeze tag here that every single one of these random villain vs random superhero fights serve no point other than fan service the stakes are completely unrelated to them and they exist as filler in a 30-minute plot stuffed into a 90-minute movie feel free to enjoy them but they mean nothing to this lazy story did they not tell you about me little turtle i'm the man who broke the bat they really didn't need to because that's pretty much the only thing you ever [ __ ] say when you meet people bane is that guy at the party who only has one thing to talk about the antidote to cranes gas it should wear off quickly you had an antidote and you're just now trying to give it to him all these years i never realized what my true potential was if they're all supposed to be mammals then why is ivy part plant this movie is so simplistic and yet still manages to make no sense glad you could join us bats you're just in time for the coin toss two-face what gave it away don't pout pudding i love your scales i'm now wondering what snake-on-dog action is like and i blame you batman vs teenage mutant ninja turtles at least this time ooh that's weird and gross kink shaming a fat batman well technically joker said the mixture mutated him and made him crazy so really he's a batty bat batman but whatevs father are you there oh great now that robin called batman father i can hear the orgasms of a bad army as they tremulously chitter about which robin this is and which bat time and which bat channel that means this takes place in and blah blah blah blah but to the casual viewer this is a very confusing thing for robin to say i guess it's too difficult to serve new viewers when you're so busy using both hands to service the hardcore fandom he's a bad monster after my own sunday card but why isn't the middle-aged mutant psycho batman going after the joker too shouldn't he be just as endangered as everyone else hold still anti-vaxxers so batbeast is able to stop one hand but not the other when did manbatt's other hand become useless so the anti-ooze worked and that's no surprise what is a surprise is that this vaccine also wipes away the joker venom that makes you insane he makes the ooze with his own concoction so how does the vaccine cure the insanity i think he's going to be okay assuming you have the knowledge of a doctor without being one also known as 2020. then this whole damn thing was just a giant distraction you think so here's where the bad guys find the cloud cedar this boat with wayne enterprises stamped on it good job world's greatest detective you put all your resources into the ark on asylum battle but didn't think maybe to send someone to spy on the boat and make sure nobody stole the device the bad guys are looking for yes the boat was on its way to another city it got hijacked and something something the penguin but you could have easily sent some people to check on its status while you fought cobra joker uh don't feel too bad i've been with a foot for years and i've never been paid which i guess is a mark in the hostage column this movie is quite funny at times and i'm almost willing to give it a sin off but since the comedy feels so out of place and the tone is all over the place i guess i won't also i'm an ass did everyone else know that batman is bruce wayne you take this one donny i mean you knew the bat cave was underway in manor i gave you a chance but you four are impulsive and you don't follow orders i want you out of gotham what batman was the one that got stabbed by joker's cocktail and nearly [ __ ] everything up he's more like ass man in this movie and not the fun kind also how have robin and batgirl been any more helpful than the turtles if the turtles are out they should be as well so many buttons could i please just don't press anything why is there anything for mikey to press that's the passenger side how would batman press anything there if he was driving solo and needed to oh sure now you've got so much anti-ooze that you can launch 12 of them at a t-rex but you could only take one when you went to arkham does it have a plot-based manufacturing limit also this ending is one severed lewis gusset junior arm from being jaws 3. so this machine will rain down mutation on citizens turning them all into let's just say mutants which will create chaos and thwart superheroes by making the whole population no longer men in women but axe men and women i swear i've seen this plot in another movie how was it called alright the amazing spider-man and now nothing can stand in my way immediately followed by things that will stand in your way cliche shredder is mine um he's actually the turtles arch nemesis got a pretty extensive list of villains one of which is hanging out over by the cloud spermer why don't you let them have this one foolish child i'm hundreds of years old and have trained with the greatest teachers in history how could you possibly apparently this movie attended the owl my balls academy of entertaining things any last words why doesn't shredder just start with the mystical why waste energy on normal hand-to-hand combat when you can turn your arm into an earthquake or whatever nonsense he's about to do we did it there's technically no robin and we so i guess that's an accurate statement no way shredder could have survived that well we've certainly counted him out before so we definitely shouldn't investigate to make sure he's dead we needed a code word that batman would never normally say i've heard the word martha might do the trick forking your pizza in the end credit scene shredder is now a joker hybrid so it was definitely worth not making sure he died in the fire when i become a superhero i will also make assumptions about supervillain deaths and have a pizza party to drown out the logic anyway still better than batman v superman all too easy people be like how is there a comment on the video when it just posted fans be like i'm a member motherfu you can be a [ __ ] member too get videos early extra videos bonus podcasts swag discounts and more click the patreon link in the description or at cinemasins.com to take your sin to the next level those things they were like lizardmen or something i'm the lizard king why i've become like all of you savage fear-written who are you i'm batman take them down we need answers you want answers what the truth froze all cool we finally meet face to face what's up foot clan we don't have water bet videos this weekend and that's really my fault i had to do some stuff today someone help me i i'm still alive only i'm very badly burned say the line bart quizzlers make your mouth so very happy a polar bear with an ice gun that is so cool you are not sending me to the cooler although all this personal growth can make a plant hungry no capes

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 756,097

Keywords: everything wrong with, eww, cinemasins, movie, review, movie review, batman, teenage mutant ninja turtles, tmnt, batman vs tmnt, everything wrong with batman vs tmnt, eww batman vs tmnt, batman vs teenage mutant ninja turtles, batman vs teenage mutant ninja turtles full movie, batman vs ninja turtles, animation, dc, dc comics, raphael, donatello, leonardo, michelangelo, bruce wayne, robin

Id: Se98aIIGMag

Length: 17min 31sec (1051 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 01 2020