Every Joke In The Avengers

radiation nothing harmful low levels of gamma radiation that can be harmful we have no quarrel with your people an ant has no quarrel with a boot you planning to step on us yeah you say peace i'm in the middle of an interrogation this [ __ ] is giving me everything i don't give everything [Applause] we need you to talk to the big guy stark trusts me about as far as he can throw me i've got stark you get the big guy avoiding stress isn't the secret what is it yoga we're facing a potential global catastrophe those i actively try to avoid the tesseract has the potential energy to wipe out the planet what does fury want me to do swallow it trouble sleeping slept for 70 years sir i think i had my film who took it from you he's called loki he's not from around here at this point i doubt anything would surprise me ten bucks says you're wrong how does it look like christmas but with more me agent colson of shield is on the line i'm not in i'm actually out levels are holding steady of course they are i was directly involved stark tower is your baby give yourself 12 credit 12 an argument can be made for 15. did do all the heavy lifting literally i lifted the heavy things you have reached the life model decoy of tony stark please leave a message this is urgent then leave it urgently next building is going to save pots on the lease call your mom can you bunk over security breach phil his first name is agent we're celebrating which is why he can't stay consulting hours are between eight and five every other thursday is this about the avengers i i know nothing about i didn't even qualify i didn't know that either volatile self-obsessed don't play well with others that i did know i thought we were having a moment i was having 12 percent of the moment feels pretty shaken how would you know if his why is he phil well um then square deal flashy it's an honor to meet you i watched you while you were sleeping i mean i was i was present while you were unconscious stephen hawking he's like a smart person it was quite the buzz around here finding you in the ice i thought coulson was going to swim did he ask you to sign his captain america trading cards yet trading cards they're vintage he's very proud is this a submarine really they want me in a submerged pressurized metal container [Music] it's a vintage set took me a couple of years to collect them all if it's not too much trouble no no it's fine near mint slight boxing around the edges but you know the last time i was in germany and saw a man standing above everybody else we ended up disagreeing make a move reindeer games what rock of ages giving up so easily well you are pretty spry for an older fellow what's your thing pilates what you might have missed a couple things you know doing time is a capsicle what's the matter scared of a little lightning i'm not overly fond of what follows we need a plan of attack i have a plan attack they're basically gods there's only one god man and i'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that where is the tesseract i missed you too earth is under my protection and you're doing a marvelous job with that you listen well brother i'm listening you have no idea what you're dealing with shakespeare in the park doth mother know you whereas her drapes tourists power at 400 capacity how about that straight down in a steel trap you get how that works ant boot to be reminded what real power is well let me know if real power wants a magazine or something he really grows on you doesn't he low-key that guy's brain is a bag full of cats he could smell crazy on him he's my brother he killed 80 people in two days he's adopted so i'm just saying take a weekend i'll fly at a point he's love no hard feelings point break you got a mean swing how does fury even see these he turns sounds exhausting uh raise the missing mass ship the top sounds that man is playing galaga thought we wouldn't notice when did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics last night he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet finally someone who speaks english is that what just happened your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled and i'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster turn two of the sharpest men i know into his personal flying monkeys monkeys do not understand i do i i understood that reference we can clock this at around 600 teraflops all i packed is a toothbrush you know you should come by stark tower sometime thanks but the last time i was in new york i kind of broke harlem are you nuts jersey you really have got a lid on it haven't you what's your secret mellow jazz bongo drums huge bag of weed is everything a joke to you funny things you think fury's hiding something captain he's the spy his secrets have secrets it's bugging him too isn't it uh the tower was still all over the news the stark tower that big ugly building in new york in a few hours i'll know every dirty secret shield has ever tried to hide blueberry of the people in this room which one is a wearing a spangly outfit and b not a fuse that's the guy my dad never shut up about wondering if they shouldn't have kept him on ice bustling like bilge schneider like what the bilge type you know huge scaly big answers you don't have those don't think so what happens to his mind is this love agent romanov regimes fall every day i tend not to weep over that i'm russian sent thor is lawful thank you for your cooperation you want to think about removing yourself from this environment doctor i was in calcutta i was pretty well removed loki is manipulating you and you've been doing what exactly stark would be neck deep wait wait hold on how is this now about me i'm sorry isn't everything i thought humans were more evolved than this excuse me did we come to your planet and blow stuff up big man in a suit of armor take that off what are you genius billionaire playboy philanthropist put on the suit let's go a few rounds to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you i think i would just cut the wire sorry kids you don't get to see my party trick after all foot on the suit yep what's it look like in there it seems to run on some form of electricity that stator control unit can reverse the polarity long enough to disengage maglev and that's big english see that red lever you ever not going to fall for that you lack conviction i don't think so that's what it does you saw the whole thing right through the ceiling bacon green and buck ass nude are you an alien no well then son you've got a condition if i put an arrow through loki's eye sock and i sleep better i spoke now you sound like you loki he's a full-tilt diva he wants flowers he wants parades he wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered son of please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity uh actually i'm planning to threaten you you've got the uh closed stick of destiny the avengers that's what we call ourselves sort of like a team earth's mightiest heroes type thing you've managed to piss off every single one of them that was the plan not a great plan they'll come for you i have an army we have a hulk this usually works well performance issues you know not uncommon one out of five star we're on your three headed northeast what did you stop for drive-through seeing still working on believing you think you can hold them off captain it'll be my genuine pleasure just like buddhism all over again you and i remember budapest very differently there are people inside these buildings but you keep them off the streets i need a perimeter as far back as 39th why the hell should i take orders from you i need men in those buildings lead the people down and away from the streets we're going to set up a perimeter all the way down to 39 well we got us attention what the hell was step two i have unfinished business with loki yeah we'll get in line so this all seems horrible i'm bringing the party to you i don't see how that's a party now might be a really good time for you to get angry that's my secret captain i'm always angry can you give me lift right better clench up legolas hulk smash just trying to keep them off the streets well they can't bank with a damn force taking on a squadron down on sixth and he didn't invite me i recognize the council has made a decision but given that it's a stupid-ass decision i've elected to ignore it i will not be bullied by puny god you ever hear the tale of jonah i wouldn't consider him a role model you ready for another bout why are you getting sleepy son of a guy what just happened please tell me nobody kissed me all right good job guys let's just not come in tomorrow you ever tried shawarma there's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here we're not finished yet and then swarm after [Music] i'll have that drink now someone's watching over [Music] out of our reach that's not your call i didn't make it i just didn't argue with the god that did loki who should be answering for his crime oh i think he will be um

Channel: MCUHUB

Views: 2,628,359

Keywords: mcu, marvel, marvel cinematic universe, avengers, avengers assemble, iron man, captain america, Every Joke In The Avengers, avengers funny moments, robert downey jr

Id: 6DazYNvR9tI

Length: 13min 14sec (794 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 05 2021