SHORT FILM: I NEEDED A SUPERNATURAL GOD | KRISTENE DIMARCO'S STORY

crazy crazy fact about the city every Sunday it's sunny I have never experienced a Sunday in the city that was not setting some things you can only learn in the dark some things you can only learn in the winter if you want to experience the faithfulness of God you have to have been in a position where you needed God to be faithful to you most of these songs from this album really have come from this three-year period where I was living in the city of San Francisco where it felt like God was building a human being God was working in my heart in such an intense but beautiful way that looking back I can tell now he was there the entire time he never went anywhere and during this time I was working with a ministry called the call and I traveled with the team to San Francisco I was a slightly hesitant but we were supposed to only be there for three weeks so I'm thinking in my mind and why I can do this for three weeks I could lead worship I'll never forget like pulling up to Market Street or like 5:30 in the morning getting out of the car and just smelling pee like so much of it and being like I don't know where I am I've just stepped into the seventh circle of hell [Music] this is my stairway this is that was lib to my back door my kitchens up there are calling it my kitchen about it so that potentially yeah it was called grandma's house and we took in traveling bands and fed them breakfast and so there was a lot of stuff going on I didn't necessarily like being here at first but I warmed up to it after about a year and a half I used to take my guitar up here and let's sit here I don't even know what goes on up here really anymore there's this one time this drunk guy drunk guy came down here and I'm just sitting here like what is this guy doing he's like play me a song I'm like alright so I just start playing like a worship song and he's like sure gods real but why is he Jesus why is Jesus gone and that was probably like really the first time anybody asked me that cuz usually you're trying to explain to people like why gods real but I realized that everybody that I would meet in the city they already know God's real they just don't know his name and that was it's probably the first time I I realized they just just need to know why Jesus God and at the time I didn't have a good answer for him and it really confronted something at me that I don't even know why I believe in Jesus I don't know why I'm a Christian and as this 21 year old being confronted with that I've been saying since I was three and I don't even know why I believe in Jesus but kind of led into this year-long thing with the Lord going through a lot of fear and doubt and I would cling to the Bible because it was the only thing physical I had in front of me oh the promises that were spoken over my life all the promises that are in this book like they need to be for me like I need this to be real and I remember curled up and in the fetal position in my bedroom and losing hope is probably the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life it pointed to the fact that there was a death that was outside of like the physical body death that like something inside of me was dying as I was giving up hope and it was just like I think probably everybody on earth is afraid of that like afraid of dying afraid of death afraid of being overtaken by something dark and I don't think anybody really wants that and so to be confronted with the fact that this is very very very much real and to realize that darkness is very very real I needed to come face-to-face with the light I needed to come face-to-face with somebody who was outside of like my idea of what God was like I needed him to be outside of every idea I ever had of who he was and needed him to be outside of everything that I could humanly process and like rescue I needed a rescuer it was a Friday night I think I was kind of in the middle of a panic attack and they're like we're going to worship in the Castro we would go every Friday night and I was like I don't think I can come today guys like I was just messed up that day when I could feel the Holy Spirit say take your guitar and go I took my guitars it's like really crummy Takamine to 18th and Castro right in front of the Bank of America and sat down like behind everybody I'm like I'm just gonna hide back here people were just coming out of the bars and they were extremely upset at us and became this like big shouting match of sorts right in the middle of everything there's a group of about four guys and they're kind of intimidatingly tall and they're dressed like nuns and they have their faces painted white and they call themselves the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and they have named themselves the ruling authority over the Castro and they surround us and they start throwing like glitter and condoms at us and I'm just sitting there with my Takamine like Jesus you said something good with God tonight I don't know why I'm here I should have just stayed home those thoughts are running through my head and they took these black like sheer shawls that had curses written on them and surrounded us kind of like to create a barrier between us and the people and I said god I don't know what to do like I just I feel so very small in this moment it just feels like a way bigger problem way bigger issue then I even can imagine and I just started playing Amazing Grace and singing it just really softly I mean it's a think that you could hear it over everything that was raging would have been pretty confident within maybe like a minute I heard somebody say how can you compete with that and then everything that happened it was happening in the corner just stopped but if he ona is being back there yesterday I'm like I remember what this feels like I remember that anger to be honest a lot of it is justified most of the people that I honestly had a conversation with on that street corner one of their biggest questions would be like I prayed for years to the Lord to take this away from me and to take these feelings these thoughts these emotions away from me and he did it so I've come to the conclusion to rid myself of shame that the churches put on me for so long that this is how I was made and what better place to do that in an environment that it's actually exactly the way that you are the minute like a Christian is there in their midst it brings up that shame thing that they've ran for so long and then this anger starts coming out because to get away from shame there's only two ways like see the rebellion or Jesus like Dealer I don't care at all or I need power to actually set me free and I was always so disrupted by the fact that I didn't have answers like like this is I'm there like telling people that this is like a problem they're telling people that this isn't right like it really confronted me with the fact that like any a supernatural God I need a God that like concept' people free because otherwise like why the heck am i standing in this corner like says shout at them something they've heard since they were three years old it's it just caused me honestly to come to this place of just a lot of deep intercession in prayer because I just realized I didn't know what to do and a lot of these people actually do want to be free and they do love Jesus but until the Holy Spirit says something to me like I don't have an answer personally so I would come here probably on a daily basis especially when I was struggling really hard with fear and panic I just felt like I needed to do something physical to kind of display that I wasn't gonna lay down and die I'm gonna beat this thing and so I would just climb up this very steep Street all the way up Clayton until I reached Twin Peaks one time I was so upset at all the fear that I was dealing with and I was I climbed I was climbing up Clayton and I looked over and there was like this beautifully carved pumpkin just hanging out on somebody stoop and then without even thinking about it I just grabbed it and I put it under my arm and I'm booking it up and I got to the top of Twin Peaks and I just start smashing this pumpkin over the rocks on top of the hill and declaring the promises of God over my life even just scripture verses I'm like I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me and all these lies that tell me that I cannot and that I'm gonna fail like I'm just destroying them with this pumpkin I'm just obliterating this poor little boys and I had massive break through my heart that day because I was doing something just as like almost a prophetic act of I'm not gonna listen to these lies anymore I'm not gonna wake up and succumb to my just my emotions like I'm going to wake up and choose to believe that God is who he says he is like I don't have any options and it's something really beautiful that happens when God becomes your only option [Music] the 26th day that I walked up to him Peaks I had had a dream the night before about this grand piano being delivered to my house like not a baby grand like full-blown grand piano and built loft that I used to live in I'm like I was in the loft and I remember looking out at the street like that is not gonna fit up my staircase like you're crazy like take it away bring me back something more manageable and I'm sending this guy away and he just keeps coming back and I heard in the dream like that this isn't going away you're gonna have to get a bigger house and I knew that God was speaking to me of something bigger than just a piano is my call it was something that it was my voice really that I was meant to carry a lot more than I actually understood or even believed that I could this didn't have a grade for it so that morning I woke up and I put on my my running shoes and I went out and climbed two peaks it was the 26th day I get to kind of where the road starts to bend and coming down the road is this black car and for the license plate says grand 26 and I'll never forget that because it was the it was like this thing of hey remember that dream I get just gave about grand piano and it's the 26th day that you're actually climbing this mountain like I see you and I want you to know this is really really important so pay attention and I remember getting to the top of some piece and just crying oh my god I just need you to show me how you see me cuz right now I just feel I just I feel really weak and I don't see myself actually as much I was in like the really intense battle - just like what are you gonna believe Christine you know believe that you're smarter and believe that you're big whose reality are gonna live in yours or mine who was this one night and I just ran down here with my mp3 player like super janky and beefy Blair came down here and my heart was just broken and I just didn't have any peace like there was just a bunch of turmoil kind of going on inside of me and all of a sudden something happened it with the mp3 player and all of a sudden started playing shined by David gray which I didn't even have on the mp3 player to my knowledge the lines and the song for don't be hiding and Sarah or clinging to the past with your beauty so precious and the season so fast will walk down the shoreline one last time together like who knows what's waiting in the winds of time dry your eyes we're gonna go or we can shine God just used this song to encourage my heart in that moment he just came he showed up out of Beach in the freezing cold night and told me that one day you're gonna shine I teared up as I was walking to the ocean with my son and daughter and husband and I'm like if only I could have seen this 11 years ago he knew of my dreams and my hopes were and he's just such a full-circle God he loves to show us like just how faithful he could be while we were living in San Francisco and in September 2006 we all piled into the car and we had a Chevy Suburban and we drove on a ministry trip to Sioux Falls South Dakota most random place I feel and when I'm in a cornfield at this this Christian music festival and we're do it had a prayer tent there it had been raining for days it was probably just a mushy mushy mud and I fell to my knees because I felt that feeling of hopelessness wanting to take over again and I'm like Jesus if you're if you're real I need peace and I need comfort and need I need you to show up and it was instantaneous his comfort just came in like a flood it was like peace just flooded and it wasn't something that happened physically just like hopelessness isn't something physical it's something that takes place internally so he filled this hopeless void inside of me with this peace that we call passes understanding and past's everything that I knew with my mind to be real and it showed me just how large he actually was I heard the gospel that day for probably the 500th time in my entire life but this time it was way different I said the prayer when I was three but I got it when I was 21 I was I'm saved like I will never die and Jesus became so very real to me in that point I realized that the name of Jesus is above everything that I have been given something that everything else falls beneath any darkness any sadness anything now ever encounter has tasted defeat by this name and everything lives underneath it he is above all things [Music] [Applause] [Music] to follow car [Music] we've become your right [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] sometimes people ask me like Chrissy when you lead worship like when you close your eyes like what is it like that you see and honestly it's this view that's burned into my memory of just this time with the Lord that wasn't always easy it was really actually difficult sometimes and I wasn't even sure if he was there but now I see this road that I walked with the Lord and I see this history that I have and it's it's the beauty of redemption he's a God of redemption and he makes things better than if they never would have happened at all so I started seeing the kingdom of heaven everywhere just because of the name of Jesus just because I found something that was above everything else so if I clung to that name I clung to what he did I couldn't be touched and that changed my entire experience in the city hope for the city and for anybody I saw went through the roof I remember having this poor guy I don't know what his name was but I just felt the power of God like shooting through my body and I found my first victim and I grabbed him by the shoulders like Jesus sees you and he just kind of like his eyes are like popped open and like thank you it is so funny and I just was so it's so excited about it I'm like Jesus sees you and you're a good man I'm just like speaking to the life that you saw inside of this guy we don't have to like even address the darkness anymore like I'm going to call out the light that I see because I mean everything else is already been defeated so why give it my attention I realized that the place where I felt God the most is where I felt lack of judgment I believe love transforms way easier than religion love confronts issues not because they're wrong but because they're killing you and they want you to live and live more abundantly like Jesus came to give its life and life more abundantly I'm like he he has this ability that I really want does just to look at a city and think about the one who is getting her life turned around that day instead of seeing like oh we have so much more work to do I think as human beings like we tend to think about a city as a whole and a mass amount of people that are in rebellion against what you believe and so it's easy to be like it's gonna fall in the ocean one day but when you see the one Heron act that is turning their life around and encountered Jesus on the street today it'd be really hard to say you're gonna fall in the ocean and I believe that and so we can really get the heart of God for the one we have no business speaking over cities like that and that's my soapbox but I I totally forgot the question that you asked I felt like San Francisco for me was kind of like this guess I'm anything I had the choice to stay awake with him and see what he saw he's ever-present - with the brokenhearted and the people that need him the most he's always there and I think sometimes he was just looking for someone to be there with him that was probably one of those impacting things about human being in the city was getting to see this part of God's heart by no means is it abandoned just like um he doesn't forget people when people are in pain like he is a very present in people sorrow just to come back here and kind of remember that for myself and also kind of give that away and just a time the honest thing when I even like think about questioning the character of God I have these three year chunk of my life where it doesn't give me any excuse he showed himself to be who he really is in this city is where I befriended God he became real to me first of all but he became my friend and he is very much real when alive very much cares very much feels and I'll never forget that I think [Music] [Music] never an orphan never without him looking back now I see where [Music] you

Channel: Bethel Music

Views: 668,876

Keywords: bethel music, live worship, worship moments, bethel church, it is well, raise a hallelujah, reckless love, no longer slaves, kristene dimarco, take courage, I will rise, I am no victim, fear not, supernatural, kristene dimarco interview

Id: X4OAsxUJx2M

Length: 23min 25sec (1405 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 31 2017