- For those of you at home
watching, everyone in my audience is here because they're a first-time
expectant mom. Congratulations to all of you. [cheers and applause] Aw!
[cheers and applause] You all have little tiny babies
inside of you. Please keep them there until
the end of the show. [audience laughter]
If you can. Congratulations, really.
This is so beautiful. I know a lot of people
will do anything to get tickets
to get to this show. This is commitment.
This really is, so-- [audience laughter]
Thanks for wanting to come here that bad that you got pregnant
to be here. [audience laughter] Today really is
one of our most unique shows. We have 300 pregnant women here, which is more estrogen
in this room than in a Tijuana pharmacy. [audience laughter] And I want to say,
you look fantastic. All of you look fantastic.
Motherhood is, uh-- [cheers and applause]
Glowing. [cheers and applause] Motherhood is a beautiful
experience. It's not physically or mentally
or financially, but--
[audience laughter] In every other way,
it's beautiful. Of course, I'm going to give you
some nice gifts while you're here today. [cheers and applause] And by "nice,"
I mean "expensive." And, uh--
[audience laughter] But you know,
you've already been given the greatest gift of all. Big boobs. So--
[audience laughter] Just for a little while. I know being a mom is not easy.
I want to help you out. I asked my Facebook followers
to post questions that they had about being
a parent, and I'm going to answer them
for you right now. I should say I'm not an expert
on motherhood, but I have parked in
an expectant mother spot. So--
[audience laughter] That should do something.
Thank you so much, Pete. All right, Laura V. asks: "My 1-year-old just started
teething and won't stop crying. What should I do?"
I do know this one. You put your finger--
a little bit of rum, on the tip of your finger,
[audience laughter] and then you pour the rest
in a big glass and drink it, and then--
[audience laughter] That's the most important thing. You won't hear them.
[audience laughter] Jane C. asks, "What's an example
of a good celebrity mother and a bad celebrity mother?" There are a lot of amazing
celebrity mothers out there. Jennifer Garner
is a great mother. Jessica Alba, Mila Kunis. As far as bad celebrity mothers,
I have to say, Shaft.
He's a bad mother. [audience laughter] Shut my mouth? - [laughs] - Talking 'bout Shaft, y'all. Maria M. asks, "My 17-year-old
daughter is sexually active, "and I'm not ready to be
a grandma. How can I make sure she doesn't
accidentally get pregnant?" You can make sure
she only dates women. That's the--
[audience laughter] That's the--all I got.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] I don't know.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] Sufi R. asks,
"My son is a biter. "Are there any books
you can recommend that deal with this issue?" "Fifty Shades of Grey."
[audience laughter] [audience laughter] Gina S. says, "Sorry for the
long question, but here goes. "As a new parent, I love
shopping online at Target.com. "They offer everything you love
from Target: "great prices,
exclusive products, "subscriptions
and easy in-store pickup. "What's the best way to give new
parents a chance to experience the convenience of shopping
whenever and wherever you want?" Well, thank you for that
detailed question. [audience laughter] What a coincidence
that you would ask that, because I was just about to give
everyone in the audience a $250 Target gift card. [loud cheers and applause] tWitch has had
his entire body waxed, when he had to get ready for
"Magic Mike." So he waxed his entire body, so if you multiply that
times a billion, I'm told that's what childbirth
feels like, so-- [audience laughter]
- Right, right, exactly. - You must know what that kind
of feels like now. - Yes, much respect.
Yeah, absolutely, yeah. [audience laughter] - I have to point out also, all the babies that were
in the audience in the mothers' bellies last
Mother's Day are on this wall. Not all.
These are some of them. Look how precious all those--
and they're happy, 'cause they were here
in the audience. [audience laughter] Laughing and dancing and list--
they're adorable. So we'll change them throughout. That's not all of them,
that's just some of them. And if your baby is cute enough, we'll put them up there...
[audience laughter] as well--only send us
the cute ones, please.
