- How many of you
are on Tinder? [cheers and applause] Good for you for getting it
started, sir, because so many people
were scared to say it, and then you encouraged them,
and then they, "Oh, yeah, then me, too." How about Cupid,
OKCupid? All right, Match.com? Hinge?
Hinge, Bumble? - Yeah!
- Coffee meets bagel? Grindr? All right, well,
there are a lot of ways to meet people online
these days. I've never used any of them,
but for all of you young people out there,
you won't believe this, but in the past,
to start a relationship, you had to talk to someone
in person. For a while. And you'd have something
called a conversation. And when someone rejected you, the would reject you
in person. You could actually see
their expression. You would know
what that means. Kids, you call it an emoji,
we call it a face. [cheers and applause] But since it's so much easier
to date online, I think people have gotten
lazier and lazier and pick-up lines
have gotten worse and worse, and I know this from
all the research I've done, and by research, I mean
I found an Instagram account called Tinder Nightmares. And since Tinder is a place
where you can find true love, sometimes twice in one night, - Yeah! - This section over here
is crazy. All right, I want to help
you people out, so I thought
we could take a look at some Tinder pick-up lines
that didn't go well and learn from
their mistakes. So this one is from Kevin,
and his first text is at 3:30 in the morning. "Hey, what's up?" And then,
"Hey, what's up?" And then,
"Hey, what's up?" "Hey, what's up?" "Hey, what's up?" All right. Then at 3:46, he texted,
"Hey, what's up?" He's persistent,
that Kevin. This next one
is from Luke, and,
"Yogurt, cereal, soup, Sidney from Tinder, these are
all the things I want to spoon." And then,
"My name's Sarah. "Did you copy and paste that
from a conversation you had with a girl named Sidney
and forget to change the name?" "Well, this is awkward." All right, here's a line
no one would ever say in person. "I heard you like whales, so do you want to go
humpback at my place?" Come on, America,
we can do better. This next one
starts off sweet, It's, "Gosh,
you are beautiful, "but I'm not looking
for anything, Just trying to make friends." "Well, thanks,
and that's okay." "I'm not looking for anything
either. "Just want to meet new people,
and if it goes somewhere, cool. If not, a new friend." And then, "Sex?" And then, sex? All right, we have time
for one more, right? Mary? Andy?
One more. All right, this is,
"Do you work at Subway?" And then, "This better not be
a footlong joke." "Crap." It was. It was a footlong joke. To see another 12 million
examples of what not to do
on Tinder, check out Tindernightmales--
nightmares or you could join Tinder. And now, here's a pick-up line
that seems to work all the time. It's, "Let's dance."
