What the hell is this? Who are ye? Look, I'm flattered but I'm not into any frisky business. Listen here halfling. There are only two ways this can go: the easy way. - Or the h--
- Tell me. Do you have a moment to talk about Xax'gadoth? Master of the cosmos, keeper of the eldritch knowledge. Our eternal lord and savior. Was this one dropped on the head as a wee babe? Warlocks, am I right? - Look, we don't know him.
- He's not with us. Long ago at the dawn of time There existed a being, a being without shape or form and that being was my master, Xax'gadoth! When did you say Antrius would be back? - Next week.
- Can't wait. And that is when my Otherworldly Patron chose me, Annandale To be the vessel of his Infinite Wisdom. Yes,yes. We've heard your backstory already. Yeah, four times. And thus he bestowed unto me the power
of the Eldritch Blast So that I might strike down his enemies - On this mortal plane of existence.
- How do we make him stop? Hey, pinky and the stain on elvish history Do you think this will take much longer? I've got a stew on the pot and the lads upstairs will be upset if it gets overcooked. Listen here. There is only one version of this conversation where your face comes out intact. W-what my associate is trying to say, right, is that if you don't start talking Your stew won't be the only thing that's burnt, capiche? Both of you roll an Intimidation Check. Are you daft? Your plan's as halfbaked as my baguette. Look at me. I'm a chef. I dinnae ken about any treasure. Maybe he doesn't know about the treasure after all. Of course he does. He's lying. Not lying. Telling the truth. That Tarrasque turd. Oh, I'm gonna burn him to ashes. You know I can hear you, right? Big ears? No? Idiots, the lot of you. Allow me to recount you the tale of my lord and master, Xax'g-- Yes thank you, Annandale. We'll handle it. Okay halfling, I didn't want it to have to come to this but you've left me with no choice. Nixie, you're up. Listen here short stuff. Tell us what we
want to know or it's going to get nasty. Well it can't be as nasty as your breath. *squelching intensifies* Fine, fine. Ugh. You win. Ugh. All right, I'll tell you what you want to know. The treasure is... Up your Elven arse! Tell us where the treasure is! *laughs* You call that rough? I beat my eggs harder than that. - If I may?
- Be my guest. Now you may have handled my very close friends But tell me this. Can you handle... My unabridged backstory?! And lo! Xax'gadoth spoke unto me Bestowing upon me his ancient and eldritch knowledge So that I, Annandale - Would become the vessel of his Infinite Wisd--
- Hey, they're down here! - What's that?
- Intruder's in the cellar! To arms! Uh it's not time for your line! I'm still doing my monologue and I haven't finished yet. Look. They're coming. You're gonna have to do something. Fine. I cast Charm Person. I, Annandale, reach deep into your mind Wrapping my otherworldly tendrils around your very psyche. Ah, you think you can resist? Pathetic mortal! Your puny mind would shatter knowing just a fraction of the eldritch wisdom with master grants unto me. In the name of Xax'gadoth Master of the cosmos, keeper of the eldritch lore, our eternal lord and saviour, You shall tell us where the treasure is! Make it stop! I'll talk! I'll talk! I think he pissed himself. So the chef tells you he doesn't know
about any treasure. What you probably wanted was... The place across the street. Why couldn't you have used Charm Person from the beginning? Well the inconceivable power of my eldritch master Is just not something us mere mortals can bandy about willy-nilly. Heh. Willy. Nixie. As promised. Oh Evandra. I thought you'd never ask. - Fireb--
- Eldritch Blast! I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. Xax'gadoth, please accept this sacrifice to the eternal d-- In the name of Xax'gadoth! Unhand me! Y-you amateurs! I'm an actor! I studied theater! And that's where we'll leave it this week
and thanks for coming to the session. Cool, uh, when's the-- when's the next
one? We'll let you know. Uh Patrick? P-Patrick? Yeah. Um that was great. I really enjoyed it. But I have some notes... *screams into the void* Hey, thanks for that. I hope you
enjoyed the show. Ah, we here at Deerstalker have been doing yoga lately so I can do tricks like this. So anyway, you may have noticed there was a change in the cast. Give our warmest regards to Antrius if you see him. I don't know where he's gone. Something about feeling lovesick?
Although I think he calls it chlamydia. Anyway so this guy called Annandale just
walked in and said I'm ****ing here now. He has a patron and uh, we don't.
But we could have. I mean he's got a guy called Xax'gadoth. You want us to call you Xax'gadoth? We can. We can call you daddy if you want. We can say yes chef to you as a thank you if you spend enough on our Patreon video. There's a ****ing demon behind me but,
you know, depression am I right? I'm gonna go now. I just realized I have
a second pair of legs.
