Elden Ring FUNNIEST "Review"! Asmongold Reacts to Sseth

i promise and we are going to watch it it's elden lean okay not eldon ring anymore okay hey hey people seth here the following is highly experimental and may come off as disjointed or schizophrenic i don't care eldon ring the newest hot release by hideo miyazaki of ghibli studios famous for classic animations such as hal's moving mausoleum and my invader totoro from software have really outdone themselves as this game features not one but two crustaceans possibly even more unfortunately i haven't unlocked the ability to swim so i cannot confirm or deny that and i make my character his name his class naturally is wretched i did originally consider prisoner but i chose not to i take the key as my starting item and live to regret it after i get immediate access to a side dungeon and get run over repeatedly by a speeding train i chose instead to go the other way after camping a few times molina comes by and offers me an accord i turn it down because i think it's funny to kill morgott and godric before i realize i haven't leveled up how was i wait wasn't he using like five summons god damn so now i had to say yes miyazaki just because i'm offered the ability to talk to a woman doesn't mean i'm going to take it i think that's a symptom of bad design conversely i fell for the oldest trick in a book the warm embrace of a woman's lap only to find out 100 hours later it's actually a debuff what did they mean by this base yeah actually that's very true yeah i never thought about that this will have to consult a 40-minute lore video to figure out the true symbology behind this item description i tell you passive storytelling at its very best especially when half a characters either disappear die or start t posing during your play through this might bother people people who believe there's a story which is the equivalent of finding a bunch of random notes and thinking to yourself damn that book was wild halo's plot is crazy have you not read all the secret terminals on the bright side dark souls lore channels now have a steady source of bread for the next four years that's the best thing it's like being an elder ring content creator now you have like because nobody understands what the [ __ ] is happening in most of the war so they can go and just say whatever right it's like yeah well i'm gonna make another 30 minute video explaining this because nobody [ __ ] knows what's going on assure you you'll know every side character better than your own family i don't remember which war granddad was fighting but i do know patches i know that canonically he is circumcised honestly i don't judge i still get to have my wife ronnie what i'm criticizing is the involvement of this fat [ __ ] celebrated helping to weave the narrative experience okay let's let's see what this is sunset found her squatting in the grass groaning every stool was looser than the one before and smelled fowler by the time the moon came up she was [ __ ] brown water the more she drank the more she shattered but the more she shat the firstier she grew her first sent her crawling to the stream to suck up more water i rest my case j.r.r martin is the greatest offer who has ever lived he has also never finished his books and so oh my god what the [ __ ] man that's so scary is that the lowsome dung eater is that it now we know where he came from so fittingly from software has embodied the spirit of jrr martin by uh never finishing a single quest line elven ring is an ambitious platformer and if you disagree you haven't played the because half this game is jumping jumping with a head start or falling into a hole into a canyon into the place you originally wanted to but accidentally jumped before doing so adding an extra foot to the height of your fall which turned it into a lethal descent there's nothing i love more than jumping awkwardly off rooftops but uh how do we spice it up archers you love archers i hated this place so much this was the worst area in the [ __ ] game man especially because like it's not like it wasn't enough for them to just have one archer no they had to have multiple archers and it wasn't enough for the archers to just shoot one arrow no they had to shoot multiple arrows holy [ __ ] man they're on every roof and they've got tracking and guess what the sewer levels are back and this time they're essential to the plot yeah i'm thinking game of the year calling the mountain torrent absolute genius so anybody googling eldon ring torrent gets a bunch of horse pictures instead i can't wait and oma bro like that's [ __ ] brilliant i i i'm just speechless holy [ __ ] until eldon ring 2 features the popular and beloved character kodak's de nouveau pre-cracked no virus but uh why are we here oh dude oh wait i gotta take another screenshot we're here for the difficulty because we're hardcore gamers take it from me i've already beaten the final boss john eldon ring so i can give a few pointers have you ever used a weapon armor fast travel potions or open the world map what sorry did i say but uh you're playing the game wrong this game is meant to be played level one as a wretch using a single club i've actually heard about this on my play through uh yeah i've heard about this a lot great if you disagree and i'll call you a casual if you ever hear someone talking like this take pity on them because this behavior is characteristic of someone who stacks no paper and gets no [ __ ] this game isn't hard not because it's not hard but because video games fundamentally aren't hard you know what's hard the circumstances of life getting a degree having a stable family being born with a baby arm you're born and one arm develops normally into an adult arm but the other is this stunted mini child arm which stops growing at like three years of age so you're this freakish monstrosity you'll be known around town as baby arm man and the only job you'll ever have is baby arm stock photo because it's harder for them to get a kid to pose for that it's a lot more convenient to have a malformed monstrosity on standby furthermore i genuine um okay i'm gonna subscribe like uh yeah i'm gonna subscribe that's yeah yeah that's a that okay um yeah what a what that's impressive that was just wow you're watching i'm watching i just never sub to this to the channel that's what it is yeah i know this guy but like i've seen his videos for a long time holy [ __ ] okay oh this is the this is the ubisoft release you only believe that pattern recognition is a form of cheating your homo sapiens brain is literally destroying the difficulty of the experience by compensatory adaptation i hope that people consider this in the future and later learn to recognize that the truest from software experience would be a lobotomite run where prior to playing we perform a frontal lobotomy and sever your prefrontal cortex sometimes the only option you have to preserve the purity of your experience is brain damage multiplayer enhances the experience sometimes you'll see white phantoms briefly appear these are players from every world going through their own journey once i saw a white phantom appear tea bagging a dead npc in this moment i knew i was playing a masterpiece messages and appraisal are exactly how reddit users believe karma works you upvote and you get actual physical nourishment from the karma oh look a message on the floor maybe someone out there will tell me something useful then what if you open it and read it butthole see dog butthole closely right fortnite according to a true story once upon a time miyazaki's car broke down in the middle of a road this was during winter so no help was to be found when suddenly three strangers appeared out of nowhere sucked him off and left without even saying a word and that's how miyazaki got the inspiration for souls multiplayer gameplay flawless stunning effervescent just like bloodborne was a complex allegory for sexually transmitted hiv elden rang is a rich synesthesia between seeing swampland and remembering blighttown or hearing layendale long after you've left the capitol because my ears are still ringing from the sound of those [ __ ] trumpets uh that was really [ __ ] annoying i will give you that that was so [ __ ] and i hated those oh my god actual real critique no jokes no giggles i think every boss should have a stake of america outside the boss room generally this is true but sometimes i gotta walk and traditionally i do not consider cardio as part of a boss fight now the walks are more generous than any other souls game but yeah i think they're generally better too i hate run backs to bosses they're [ __ ] annoying it's like it just it's insult to injury you're already lost like what do you have to what we have to do is again because somebody chose to take a smaller [ __ ] in my rice doesn't change the fact but it's still there inside my bowl steaming up my tupperware i would also have originally said that the death screen is quite long but then i realized it's working as intended you see when you die in pvp you have no option but to watch helplessly as someone spams point down and repeatedly defiles your dead bodies if like me you didn't realize vigor has a non-linear scaling it would have helped immensely to know that going 10 to 20 makes no tangible difference but 20 to 40 is all the difference between taking a blow and getting one tapped by most of the game i wish i knew that at the start luckily this game is very well how would you alright alright you should have known that bro you should have known that [ __ ] why a 100 percent dude what do you mean absolutely generous with its ability to reroll your character if you're still paranoid you can back up your save at no risk i've done this more than 100 times without issue and recommend you do the same because despite what anybody says there's a million ways to break your save i've done it i can reproduce it it's still there also easy anti-cheat is a very good anti-cheat because it's very easy to turn off my friends may have done exactly that and more tell me seth was he punished is he banned no some of the later fights have interesting hitboxes not like i care i cheesed through that [ __ ] this game makes you realize the greatest competition i actually think the hitboxes were fine i did i thought the hitboxes were totally okay there was no bad stuff or anything with hitboxes at all and uh yeah it was totally totally good but there was like a couple of them that were about like that well i didn't like the millennium fight but now i'm because if i remember he was like okay i'm back sorry about that boys jerk off queen washing yeah of course i'll wash my hands why not wash my hands dude i got a clean dick why would i never wash my hands look here's the thing uh is that the hitboxes i think hitboxes were fine you'll ever have is yourself so why not make a copy lore before continuing we have to stop and talk about the best character in the game dung eater loaf dung eater ferocious feaster of feces devious doo doo devourer dung eater consumes excrement feces [ __ ] even nihilistic and with a wicked sense of humor his greatest desire is to eat the poopoo and of course murder you and defile your dead body i think there's a lot we can learn from dung eater but as a society we're not yet ready for that conversation there's many builds strength is terrible until you realize you can power stance through the entire game and block everything else with barricade shield for zero stamina going strength so let's talk about that that is called a um that is a uh that is a legitimate strategy okay before listen uh no no no no you guys want to [ __ ] pull this [ __ ] on me watch this just a minute like i i'm gonna pull this [ __ ] up and y'all are not gonna want to see this like you're not gonna want to see this but here it is get ready uh let me see this real quick and i'm going to pull it up i'm going to show you guys some [ __ ] okay look at this i was watching mitch yesterday watch this watch this watch watch watch ready ready okay all right yo guys strength boys yo strength is overpowered right here we go oh my god strength become a wizard harry strings is so op it's so broken oh my god this is it put this down drink this ah oh why one shot at what what oh my god okay good [ __ ] i never want to hear about how i'm overpowered again i i never want to [ __ ] hear it never fortunately puts you at the highest risk group for naming yourself the black swordsman and cosplaying as your favorite slice of life anime if i see you doing this i'll summon you intentionally so i can kick you for my world dexterity do you enjoy katanas how about double katanas each one longer than the last using realistic historically accurate sword techniques from feudal era japan what about epic pvp compilations say no more get a river of blood today intelligence i saw that they say a great deal of their enjoyment comes from learning the moveset of every boss a rhythmic dance between sword swipe and perry a lethal symphony silenced only by death others that's a good way to do it i didn't think about i actually just i actually just fought that boss on my own but i could have just let them jump off the edge well [ __ ] that's way easier i disagree i'm confident that if you ask any player running sorcery what's their favorite boss they'll recoil and surprise and say i don't know any i just sit at the back and spam azure comment faith incantations are very good abusing the animation of catch flame to cast them instantaneously is even better and before you say it i know it's working exactly as intended you know what else is intended this also this and this my greatest enjoyment of this game beyond the exploration the richness of the graphics and the scale of the world they made has been abusing every mechanic i possibly can before see that's that's the real fun is the cheating is the fun part playing the game authentically that's boring it's all about the cheating that's the real good stuff gets patched out and so inevitably i have taken two abusing other players you might call them humans i call them people who use moonvale unironically and thus i feel no remorse for any of my actions attracts many different responses some fleet the long shaft of fromsoft endlessly others hate it because of their own incompetence walking manifestations of a dunning-kruger effect these people believe that failure is not their own and somehow inflicted upon them by the universe you can't be bad at video games as video games are merely a subject matter no that is a deficit in your cognitive ability something that likely plagues you there's a lot of people that make excuses for why they suck at the game like for me i uh like i if i'm like usually whenever i [ __ ] up it's always on me it's always my fault you no i never do i never do i always say it's because i suck it's because i'm getting anxious or like i'm making a mistake it's not the game's fault it's not because the game is bad it's because i'm bad like go back and watch it that's what it is the bird i hate the bird yes you're right i do hate the bird right that's true that's one boss okay guys there's one yeah that's the reason of your life if you're bad at video games you're bad at life you've got a strong brain and a low iq your fate is to be a grunt in the new world order and then there's others like me who are quietly waking up to the fact that maybe we should have never dropped those bombs to begin with i guess what i'm trying to say is eldon scrolls 10 out of 10 garbage i love it as always more content to come so stay tuned if you're interested in some merchant multiplayer password thug hunt goes in all fields first fifty two days fifteen percent off their first month of fuckhunters.com the official sponsor of this video and now allow me to conclude this presentation with some calming visuals rest assured most of the things seen here can no longer be afflicted on another human being thanks to the many members of a merchant's guild generously funding and bankrolling these videos you're all truly wonderful have a good one that's a pretty good review of eldon rings i feel like that really you know it covered all the important parts talked about all the things that matter when you're lame ass point of view that should have been my whole mission from the start you're putting it together so he's just killing people in one hand field and what's not mine becomes my new mind it doesn't matter who the target is you know i'm gonna finish it once i get it started kid that's the way i gotta market it marksman mercenary [ __ ] guys put you in a foster retaliation any thoughts on the story i don't look [Music] oh my god so [Music] but you can get your [Applause] [Music] [Music] yeah that's how really real it is i care about my pockets it's funny as [ __ ] for me to watch this and just see like how much broken dumb [ __ ] there is in the game and like nobody even gives a [ __ ] about it it's just [ __ ] funny that's about it [Music] [Music] you guys see what's going on all right we finished enough of it here let me link the video right here okay guys yeah there we [ __ ] go man and uh so much dumb [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah i got it i got after the credits wait uh yeah yeah give me one sec check ending okay all right all right we'll watch it it's only it's only one minute left right i mean who gives a [ __ ] [Music] yeah it's all it's it's only one minute left inside he's gonna sit around and do nothing okay [ __ ] monsters out there man damn somebody's gotta go he just got [ __ ] destroyed you can keep your justice man boy he just just is [Music] [Music] jesus is this that you're the average great sword user and dart in uh in elven ring all right jesus yep that guy hates his [ __ ] life guaranteed that guy hates his [ __ ] wife miyazaki at 3am hello again yeah i mean the thing is like yeah there it is i i would pretty much expect that that sounds about right hey people yeah seth here i have no idea if it is or not right this [ __ ] was [ __ ] funny man i like this video watch chinese yeah sure it's just a joke bro it's just a joke yeah i don't know how to speak any of those languages at all all right let's see here in fact it's ruining this game we discovered the preset downline uh you could be here with us right now sorry seth i don't recognize games that are older than 50 of your audience yeah this seth is the one that did the review for dwarf fortress right like i'm pretty sure that he's dwarf fortress isn't he yeah all right [Music] you

Channel: Asmongold TV

Views: 1,853,210

Keywords: asmongold, asmongold reacts, asmongold wow, asmongold highlights, asmongold youtube, world of warcraft, asmongold funny, asmongold tv, asmongold channel, ZackRawrr, elden ring, asmongold elden ring, elden ring sseth, seth, sseth, elden ring seth, elden ring reaction, elden ring sseth reaction, elden ring review sseth, elden ring review seth, elden ring review sseth reaction, elden ring meme

Id: dJR936S7HQs

Length: 21min 49sec (1309 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 05 2022