LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS YOU MIGHT KNOW, TRUMP HAS PLUNGED
THE WORLD INTO A TRADE WAR. BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE STILL TRYING
DESPERATELY TO STOP IT, LIKE EUROPEAN COMMISSION PRESIDENT
AND MAN NOT IMPRESSED BY HIS GRANDSON'S MAGIC TRICK,
JEAN-CLAUDE JUNCKER. JUNCKER MET WITH TRUMP AT THE
WHITE HOUSE TODAY TO TRY TO TALK TRUMP OUT OF HIS TRADE WAR WITH
THE E.U. AND IN ANTICIPATION OF THIS
VISIT, YESTERDAY TRUMP TWEETED, "THE EUROPEAN UNION IS COMING TO
WASHINGTON TOMORROW TO NEGOTIATE A DEAL ON TRADE. I HAVE AN IDEA FOR THEM. BOTH THE U.S. AND THE E.U. DROP
ALL TARIFFS, BARRIERS, AND SUBSIDIES! THAT WOULD FINALLY BE CALLED
FREE MARKET AND FAIR TRADE! HOPE THEY DO IT, WE ARE READY--
BUT THEY WON'T!" ( LAUGHTER )
WELL, NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S LIKE IF YOUR PSYCHIATRIST SAID, "IT WOULD BE GREAT IF WE
COULD FIGURE OUT YOUR ISSUES WITH YOUR MOTHER. BUT AIN'T NO WAY THAT'S
HAPPENING, MAMA'S BOY. UH-OH, HERE COME THE
WATERWORKS. GO AHEAD AND SQUIRT THEM." AND JUNCKER IS READY TO GO TO
THE MATTRESSES HERE. RESPONDING TO TRUMP'S THREATS OF
STEEL AND ALUMINUM TARIFFS, JUNCKER SAID, "SO NOW WE WILL
ALSO IMPOSE IMPORT TARIFFS. THIS IS BASICALLY A STUPID
PROCESS, THE FACT THAT WE HAVE TO DO THIS. BUT WE HAVE TO DO IT. WE WILL NOW IMPOSE TARIFFS ON
MOTORCYCLES, HARLEY-DAVIDSON; ON BLUE JEANS, LEVIS; ON
BOURBON. WE CAN ALSO DO STUPID." ( LAUGHTER ). ( CHEERS )
OH. OH. OH, WE KNOW EUROPEANS CAN DO
STUPID. I'VE MET PIERS MORGAN. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT, HOLD ON, JUNCKER. DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE GOING
TO OUT-STUPID THIS GUY? >> BING, BING, BONG, BONG, BING,
BING, BING. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS, RIGHT? (STAR SPANGLED BANNER)
GOD BLESS THE UNITED SHTATES. >> Stephen: SO, YEAH, YEAH, GOOD
LUCK OUT-DUMBING THAT. HE'S LIKE THE BOBBY FISCHER OF
BEING A MORON-- HE'S ALWAYS THREE MOVES AHEAD, AND HE'S
GROPING THE QUEEN. BUT TRUMP JUST WANTS EVERYONE TO
GET OFF HIS CASE, TWEETING, "WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE SNIPPING
AT YOUR HEELS DURING A NEGOTIATION, IT WILL ONLY TAKE
LONGER TO MAKE A DEAL, AND THE DEAL WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS IT
COULD HAVE BEEN WITH UNITY. NEGOTIATIONS ARE GOING REALLY
WELL, BE COOL. THE END RESULT WILL BE WORTH
IT!" "BE COOL"? >> Jon: BE COOL! >> Stephen: BE COOL. >> Jon: BE COOL, DADDY. >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT YOU
SAY WHEN YOU'RE NEGOTIATING FOR A BAG OF WEED, NOT PLUNGING THE
WORLD INTO AN ECONOMIC CRISIS. "IT'S JUST A FEW HUNDRED BILLION
DOLLARS WORTH OF TARIFFS. CHILLAX, BRO-SEF." ( LAUGHTER )
THIS AFTERNOONA THIS AFTERNOON, THIS JUST HAPPENED? THIS AFTERNOON,
TRUMP AND JUNCKER AGREED THAT EUROPE WOULD AGREE TO IMPORT
MORE LIQUEFIED NATURAL GAS AND SOYBEANS WHILE NEGOTIATIONS
CONTINUED. AND THAT'S A GOOD THING, BECAUSE
THE PEOPLE GETTING HURT THE MOST BY ALL THIS ARE FARMERS. FIRST, TRUMP SLAPPED A TARIFF ON
CHINESE SOLAR PANELS. THEN CHINA CAME BACK AND HIT US
WITH A TARIFF RIGHT IN THE SOYBEANS. NOW TRUMP'S HITTING BACK WITH A
TARIFF ON SEAFOOD AND COSMETIC PRODUCTS. SO IT'S ABOUT TO GET A LOT MORE
EXPENSIVE TO PUT MASCARA ON YOUR GOLDFISH. ( LAUGHTER )
THESE-- THESE ARE TRUMP'S PEOPLE, AND HE IS RUINING THEIR
LIVELIHOODS. CHINA IS BY FAR THE BIGGEST
CONSUMER OF AMERICAN SOYBEANS, AND NOW U.S. SOYBEAN PRICES HAVE
PLUNGED TO A TEN-YEAR LOW. OH, NO... IS WHAT I WOULD SAY IF
I KNEW HOW MUCH SOYBEANS USED TO COST. ( LAUGHTER )
SO TRUMP IS SCRAMBLING TO APPEASE HIS FARMER BASE,
TWEETING THINGS LIKE, "CHINA IS TARGETING OUR FARMERS, WHO THEY
KNOW I LOVE AND RESPECT, AS A WAY OF GETTING ME TO CONTINUE
ALLOWING THEM TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE U.S. THEY ARE BEING VICIOUS IN WHAT
WILL BE THEIR FAILED ATTEMPT. WE WERE BEING NICE-- UNTIL NOW!"
"YES, I LOVE ALL MY FARMERS. THE OLD McDONALDS, THE ONE IN
THE DELL, THE INSURANCE GUYS-- ♪ I LOVE FARMERS
BUM, BA, DUM, DA, DUM DA, DUM, DUM" ♪
BUT TRUMP IS-- ( APPLAUSE )
ARE THEY A SPONSOR? ARE THEY A SPONSOR? THEY'RE A SPONSOR! AND TRUMP IS PUTTING OUR MONEY
WHERE HIS STUPID MOUTH IS BECAUSE YESTERDAY, HE ANNOUNCED
PLANS TO SEND $12 BILLION TO FARMERS HURT BY RETALIATORY
TARIFFS. THAT'S A GOOD DEAL. NORMALLY, TRUMP ONLY PAYS
130 GRAND TO PEOPLE HE'S SCREWED. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO IT LOOKS LIKE-- NOTHING? NOTHING?
TOO LATE! SO IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S MOVING
FORWARD. AND IN ORDER TO IMPLEMENT IT,
THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE ANNOUNCED IT WILL UTILIZE A
GREAT DEPRESSION-ERA LAW TO SEND PAYMENTS TO PRODUCERS OF DAIRY,
HOGS, AND CERTAIN CROPS. AND YOU KNOW THINGS ARE GOING
AWESOME WHEN YOUR SOLUTION IS, "HEY, WHAT DID WE DO DURING THE
GREAT DEPRESSION?" WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "CBS
THIS MORNING"'S JOHN DICKERSON.
There are considerably more things we could use that money for than to pander to this guy's electoral base. He is literally paying people to vote for him. I hope China hits the Trump supporters even harder. Bankrupt these idiots
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