Does She Want A Relationship or Not?

hi i'm coach koi wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today's newsletter is going to be does she want a relationship or not well i've got an email here from a guy he's 39 he has two kids he's a widowers his wife passed away a few years ago and he was dating about six different women and having a good time and one of the women he was dating after a few weeks of hooking up asked him to be exclusive things were good for a few weeks and then right at the beginning of the new year she wanted some space and backed off and then didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore and so then they didn't speak for several weeks and out of the blue she called him recently said she missed him wanted to see him he went over they hooked up now he's thinking does she want a relationship or not so i got a quote that i wrote in this particular topic and then we'll go through his email and point out some things that he may or may not know yet just based on the woman's actions if a woman asks you to be exclusive and then you're exclusive for a month or so or two then all of a sudden she wants space doesn't want to be in the relationship and backs away typically that means that the guy came on too strong pursued too much and he got in the way of her emotionally bonding with him and falling deeply in love because women don't dump guys that they're in love with they dump guys that pursue too much act too needy too desperate and come on too strong and then they get confused about their feelings and when they typically back away guys that don't know any better start pursuing even more because they fear losing her which actually drives her away even more so it's a good email to see how things started off good and then kind of went sideways after a few weeks probably right as he thought everything was going great so i got a quote that i wrote and we'll go through his email the quote says relationship and dating labels commitments bonding connecting and being exclusive are feminine energy men may pick who they want to date but it is women who do the actual choosing therefore men should focus on creating the next opportunity for sex to happen and simply focus on hanging out having fun while hanging out and hooking up while they're hanging out having fun when a woman feels ready and provided the guy doesn't display too many unattractive behaviors that ruin her attraction towards him she will bring up being exclusive men who try to lock women down before they are emotionally ready will actually repel and turn women off which leads to friend zoning rejection or ghosting so what you see and i'd like to bring this up topic up a lot because obviously things have changed so radically in our culture in the last 30 40 years 50 years basically during my whole life that when you go and you look at the older movies black and white movies whether it's in the 1940s 1930s all the way up to the early 1970s what you notice women are very feminine they're very submissive they're always doing the pursuing in the men they're always trying to lock down the high value man and then what you'll see is there are other guys in the movie that don't know any better that are pursuing the women that are pursuing the main character in the movie trying to lock him down and you see a lot of this nice guy behavior which you saw that in which i've mentioned before in the movie it's a wonderful life from i think was 1946 that that was made where one of the most beautiful women in town i think her name was violet she's after jimmy stewart's character likes him he's always trying to get his attention and yet there's always two or three dudes around her saying they'll do this for her they'll do that for just bending over backwards to please her and get her attention and validation and she likes their attention and validation but as soon as jimmy stewart's character comes walking by she blows them off they're literally still talking and she just walks away from them and goes after jimmy stewart to try to get his attention and validation but pretty much mostly what you see today is the exact opposite of that where women are fighting off all of the attention from these beta males and yet the main character in the movie acts like a beta male and yet she falls in love with them and that's not how things work in the real world and if you think about that the amount of brainwashing that can do to our society is that it has men acting like women and women acting like men and both of them turning each other off so the idea is we want to get back to things that are natural and the way the big man upstairs plan things like i talked about in my first book three percent man which you can read for free at understandingrelationships.com all you gotta do is subscribe to the email newsletter so with that said let's go through his email he says hi corey thanks for your amazing work and sharing your knowledge i'm trying to figure out where i went wrong as well as how to get my ex back well you should really think about it from this perspective she should be trying to get you back instead of you trying to get her back because that's obviously part of the problem is your mindset is you were pursuing her too much and trying too hard to get her attention and validation instead of letting her come on to you because the reality is even though a lot of women these days if you mention this that's not true it should be 50 50. the reality is when a guy pursues too much and tries too hard the women get confused they're like i'm not sure where i'm able to be right now i gotta get my head together i get i gotta focus on myself i got to work on myself and they come up with these excuses the guys go that kind of sounds logical yeah it makes yeah i can understand she needs some time to her so no problem and what she's what she's really trying to say without hurting their feelings is hey you act like a and you turn me off so i don't want to be around you anymore i lost attraction but women don't talk like that they don't think like that because they don't want to hurt your feelings they want to be nice and hope that you figure it out because they don't want to have for most of them they don't have to teach a guy how to be a man he says i'm a 39 year old widow who was married for 17 years to my late wife we have two kids and she passed away 18 months ago i met my ex 44 years old and one kid in late october 2020 18 months ago that doesn't really make sense 18 months ago you met her in october 2020 unless you get the dates wrong because that was only like four or five months ago so i'm going to assume because this ended pretty quickly that you're what you're saying because most your email lines up with you met her in october of this past year he says it resulted in four dates till around the 10th of november 2020 on our fourth date i slept at her house and we hooked up so typically most women if you follow what's in my book will sleep with a guy by the second her third date so he says we hooked up every third day afterwards and on the 17th of november she asked us for us to be exclusive so that's quite a lot of spending time together like every third day so what i'm seeing is a lot of routine doing the same thing over and over it just sounds like you go over to her house you have sex three days later you come back and you have sex again so it's like who was calling who who's reaching out to who was that her idea to get together or was it 50 50 because it's like that's one of the questions i always ask when i'm doing phone sessions with guys that you know they're the women got turned off and they're trying to get them back so i'm like well how much were you reaching out first versus her reaching out first it's like any time i hear a guy going it's yeah it's 50 50. or it starts out where the woman's doing most if not all the pursuing and then when she starts backing off the guy does more and then it flips or it gets to 50 50. and it's like the guy doesn't have to finish the story i mean number one i'm talking to him so i know something went sideways but when he tells me it's 50 50 then i'm like hey it's just it's just a matter of time before you get friendzoned i know how this story ends but please continue tell me the rest of the story and that's i mean it's really as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west you pursue too much you come on too strong you call too much you text too much you never give her time away from you to miss you to wonder about you to think about you to spend time with her girlfriends to wonder when or if you're going to call again when she's going to hear from you next and you could say this to a lot of women that i disagree with that should be 50 50 but if you ask them okay well tell me about the guys that you actually date and have relationships with or tell me about your boyfriend and then you find out the the boyfriend that they're so in love it doesn't do any of those things that she says she wants and he doesn't do the things that she says is the way it's supposed to be and most women just they don't understand this because they're focused on their emotions and how they feel about a guy and if you're getting together every third day it sounds like it's pretty much a routine like you're kind of friends of benefits or your buddies so it's just from that alone tells me that you're probably pursuing too much because at the end of the day women don't dump guys you're in love with he says i was not keen at first because i had six other girls i was dating and hooking up with and eventually i agreed resulting in losing five of the six and we saw each other about every third day so what does that mean you kept one of them around which resulted in us watching movies and hooking up afterwards so it's like you didn't really date you just were kind of buddies you went over to a house you had sex and then you stayed the night sometimes you laughed he says everything happened at her place according to her it's the best sex she ever had she introduced me to all her relatives and friends as her boyfriend my ex traveled the world for 15 years and is extremely successful and she's a financial director at a big firm her longest relationship over the last five years was six months so obviously she's going to be more in her masculine than most women she's confident she's successful and the reality is most guys get really intimidated by that they get really intimidated by a woman who's successful especially if she makes more money than they do and then what they try to do is they start trying to force her to spend more time with them they force her to try to be a certain way and women like this are just going to bounce he says around january 3rd she asks for space her reason she is too subdued with me and i'm very reserved upon which i agreed and backed off making no contact at all so the excuse me like well it sounds logical but at the end of the day her attraction has dropped it was going up and then it started going down she has to be exclusive and then she's like ah it's not working for me it's because her emotions changed how she was feeling about you changed and again most women don't really understand this or even think about this they just know that something doesn't feel right so he says around the 10th of january she said she wanted out of the relationship upon which i agreed and i went on holiday again he doesn't say anything about who's calling who he did say he made no contact so after a week she reached out and said she wanted out so he says after not speaking since the third she started texting around the 17th of january and i just answered her questions no conversations around the 20th she said she misses me and on the 23rd she asked to come by for a hookup and i agreed so she started reaching out saying she missed you typically what i teach especially in some principles getting expected or things like that make a date but you also didn't bring up getting together so maybe that tells me you're new to my work and you don't really know it and so you waited for her to bring it up which obviously that worked in your favor especially if you had over pursued and turned her off since she pushed you away it's her job to fix it remember she's got to earn another chance with you not the other way around it's a complete mindset shift and that seems like what's happened here is that you just found out about my work in the last few weeks and you've made enough corrective action that you didn't because most guys when they're in this situation they keep pursuing they agree to be friends only think oh just give her space and time and you know and we'll hang out as friends and eventually she'll see what a great guy i am and want to start dating again and then meanwhile months go by and then they find out that she's another guy which is shocking to them so if she pushed you away and you let her do all the reaching out and getting together and bringing up getting get together after she's pushed you away then it's her idea you don't have to worry about rejection because if a woman is always chasing you you don't have to worry about getting rejected he says when i got back in town i spent the night at her place and we haven't spoken or texted since it feels like i'm in a power struggle to see who makes contact first i wouldn't look at it that way at all again if you look at the older movies what's going on the women are seeking your attention they're seeking the guy's attention and validation the guys are kind of they got a purpose they got a mission they got big goals they got big dreams they're not really interested in the you know the white picket fence and settling down and having a family and living happily ever after because they got big goals and big dreams and the women are going out of their way to lock the guy down this is natural because think about it women do the tight skirts the low-cut blouses that show their cleavage they put all the makeup on they do their hair they do their nails they try five different outfits on before you pick them up before they come over why would they do that because they're trying to get your attention to validation they're trying to look desirable and irresistible so you become enchanted with their beauty and that's one of the things i love about it's a wonderful life is they did a great job of catching that on screen it was beautiful and another movie i like is the movie charade with cary grant and audrey hepburn i think was made in 66 or 67 which is great because he's bantering with her and with her the whole movie with a total deadpan straight face and she can't constantly can't tell whether he's with her or being totally serious or just goofing around and it's really cool great chemistry between the two of them again you don't really see stuff like that captured on film in most modern movies there was uh was one of the not the most recent spider-man movie but i think the second one that came out i can't think it was like two or three years ago where the the chick is always chasing him and he's always something happens where he has to leave the last minute so the whole movie she's pursuing them and then the movie that came out after that he turned into a supplicating beta male again so obviously applied a different writer but you know maybe the guy that wrote the the one before that maybe was familiar with my work or just understood women so you know you just you don't see that dynamic most of the what you see in the movies is the guy's fumbling all over himself acting like a insecure girl and the women just fall in love with the insecure girl routine and you try that in real life and you get stuck in friend zone so he says when i got back in town i spent the night we haven't spoken since and it feels like i'm in a power struggle so if she's seeking your attention and validation you shouldn't care you should be like hey play ball she didn't want to be exclusive this is awesome i got you know get your most of your girls back that you had in your rotation and then if she asked you to be exclusive i wouldn't be so willing to give that label back to her just say yeah we tried that before but you know you wanted a relationship and then after a few weeks you bailed out of it so i just want to take my time i want to see how things go let's give it let's give it a few months and see let's give it a few weeks make her wait make her earn it because if you just give it you know it's like anything in life if it comes easy we don't value it but if you have to work for it you appreciate it and when she just tosses you aside and then a week or two later comes back that's you don't reward that behavior you're gonna be more skeptical a little more hesitant you're not going to blow off the girls that are in your rotation he says i'm confused does she want a relationship or not it's none of your business dude that's not the guy's department your job is simply as i talk about three percent man is to create the next opportunity for sex to happen hang out have fun and hook up ah simple you see it doesn't say anything on there about relationship or exclusivity or commitments that's it that's the formula right there you want a a girl to ask you to be in a relationship hang on a phone and hook up she'll bring it up when she's ready let her do almost all the calling texting and pursuing and make dates when you hear from her but again you the man starts the courtship off in the beginning he does have to pursue gets her number makes the first few dates typically after they sleep together the woman starts reaching out and texting or calling or face timing or whatever and then when that starts happening you don't really have your your pursuit's kind of over at that point then you can just kind of slowly hang back and let her do most of it and then when she really misses you and really wants to see you she'll reach out when she's really thinking about you and feeling attraction she reaches out and when you make dates when that's happening she's pursuing you you never have to worry about getting rejected it's easy as pie again it's just like they did in the old school movies when things were natural more men acted like men and women acted like women he says i'm not texting or visiting every day i hike gym study and i'm a single dad i really like this woman any advice to get her back well i've kind of the idea is let her do all the calling texting pursuing let her earn you back you should have the attitude of let's see how much effort she's willing to make to be on her best behavior to warrant me giving her another chance in other words she has to get you back dude not the other way around she unilaterally ended the relationship now she came back to pursue you it was her idea let her keep doing that if you because guys that what happens the guys make mistake and like where he's at right now is what happens is a woman starts reaching out and they're like oh i'll go back to calling her texting once a week to try to get her out and what happens is they go right back to the same behavior that turned her off and things are good for a few weeks and then they get the same oh i'm confused i need some space so in this case let her do 100 of the calling texting and pursuing from here on out and just simply make dates when you hear from her and if she just disappears it really doesn't matter you got several girls in your rotation i know you like her but you don't really know her that well you only dated for a few months and she's displayed a lot of flaky behavior obviously she's in her masculine so you you shouldn't have her on a pedestal thinking that you know she's the best thing since sliced bread make her earn you she should be on probation as well she did you've already decided like she qualifies to be a great girlfriend and based on this kind of behavior she should be a little lower on the totem pole so to speak she should be a little further back on the bench in your female rotation that's all you have to do this is actually a pretty simple case but i want to go through and explain these things because i know a lot of guys that first come into my work they're in this particular situation things are going well or at least they thought it was and then they get dumped or they need space and then the woman starts reaching out after a few weeks and they're going what the hell she said she didn't want to be with me anymore why is she contacting me now it's just don't get upset don't get butt hurt about it just look at it and be objective hey she lost attraction so she disappeared and then i didn't chase after her because i'm a man and then she started missing me and she started questioning herself and because most guys continue pursuing even when they get dumped or pushed away and so she starts reaching out to you and pursuing you it becomes her idea and as she has to do that more and more and especially in this case when you're not in such a rush to say especially after a few weeks of hooking up she says let's be exclusive again i wouldn't agree to it just say i want to see how things go you know i already did that with you and you know you're just out of the blue broke it off with me so i wanna i'm gonna take things slow let's slow it down let's not be in such a rush you know let's give it a month or two and see how things go and then we can revisit it then but you look really cute laying over there naked why don't you get a little closer and snuggle we can spoon and maybe something will pop up so if you'd like to get my help personally in a book a coaching session go to understandingrelationships.com click the products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly until next time i will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 24,400

Rating: 4.9106383 out of 5

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Id: xhJyVXzOGzA

Length: 22min 41sec (1361 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 27 2021