- "How long will the ambulance be?" "16 feet, six inches." Why in the world is he
smiling like a creep? (upbeat music) Hey guys, welcome to another episode of "Medical Meme Review." I think it's about time
to get a good laugh. This has been a heavy time for all of us. Laughing sometimes carries
a healing nature of its own I got myself some raw cashews. "It looks like you're pregnant." "I'm pregnant?" "No, but it looks like you are." Oh, don't do that. Don't do that doctor. I've had a patient like that
where I've walked into a room, nothing to do with what she's looked like but because of her chart
it said that she's pregnant and I walked in and I
said, "Congratulations," but really it was the wrong chart. So it was a really embarrassing situation 'cause I'm telling the
patient she's pregnant, she thinks I'm saying
that to her because she. That was stressful. Therapist, "Anyways." Me, "'Anyways' isn't a word. "You mean 'anyway'." Therapist, "Anyway, we were talking "about your difficulty making friends." I have friends that correct grammar. I get it, 'cause you
wanna have people speak grammatically correct, in a
grammatically correct manner, but man when you're just having fun, or sharing certain things with
people, you want them to not judge you on your grammar. You want them to love you even if you're ill grammatically correct. Doc, "Do you smoke, drink
or do any other narcotics?" Why other narcotics? "Hells yeah, I'm down for whatev's yo." Doc, "Tight, we should kick it later." We have to ask these questions. The reason we ask these
questions 'cause to better assist in understanding what risks you face. You smoke, we may need
to do some screenings. You drink a lot of alcohol,
maybe I wanna check a blood test. If you do hard drugs I'll
counsel you on quitting. You don't wanna hear it,
you don't wanna hear it but I'll tell you the
risks so you're aware and educated on to what
risks you're facing. I said risks a lot. It's about risky risks. Doctor, "Hi, how are you?" Me, "I'm well thanks." Doctor, "Get the F out then." I disagree with this meme
because I want patients to come see me as a family
medicine doctor when they're healthy because we wanna
keep them doing well. How do we do that? Counseling, vaccinations,
cancer screenings, blood tests, Dustin Coach, Doctor,
"You need to eat healthy." Me, "No." Doctor, "They last patient
who didn't change their diet "after I suggested it died." Me, "Oh my goodness." Doctor, "In a plane crash." Me, "That sounds unrelated." Doctor, "I'm the one that crashed it. "Do not disobey me." That did not go in the
direction that I thought it was gonna go. Eat healthy but not because
your doctor may kill you in a plane crash. And first of all how in
the world did the doctor survive the plane crash? "Who would cure COVID-19 first,
Meredith Gray or Dr. House?" I think House would make 18 mistakes first and call it every other virus
every named in human existence and then by the time the
patient already recovers on their own he's gonna
be like, "It's COVID." And then Meredith would be
like in a steamy session with McDreamy who ends up
dying, she gets with McSteamy and then in the middle of a
romantic session it hits her, it's COVID-19 and she tells
them and then saves the world. But that's how these shows work,
it aint real life baby boo. "Is it okay to have kids after 35?" "I think 35 kids is enough, don't you?" No she's not asking about having
35 children, she's talking about having kids after the age of 35. We call that pregnancy
of advanced maternal age and the reason we do that
is because it's considered a higher risk pregnancy. That doesn't mean you
can't get pregnant after 35 so please do not worry. But if you have a question
speak to your doctor. I just made that really medical. "I have a 1:30 appointment." "Which doctor?" "No, the regular doctor." "I'm having problems with my hearing." "Can you describe the symptoms?" "Marge has blue hair
and Homer is a fat guy." I'm having problems with my
hearing, can you describe, Marge has blue hair
and Homer is a fat guy. The symptoms sound like "Simpsons"
but apparently a medical education doesn't prepare you
to understand jokes like this so I failed you. "When you see a claim that a
common drug or vitamin kills "cancer cells in a Petri dish keep in mind "so does a handgun." Oh my God, that's violent
but it's absolutely true. In fact bleach kills virus on surfaces but bleach also harms you. That's why we tell you not to drink it or not to put it on you. Please don't inject
anything into your veins like disinfectants,
that's not how it works. "My organs when I swap
my fifth iced coffee "of the day for a single cup of water." Ah-ha, you shouldn't be drinking
five cups of coffee a day generally speaking 'cause
that means you're not sleeping enough, you don't have the energy for whatever it is you're doing and you're functioning on overdrive. Actually, myself, I'm going
through a caffeine rehab. Saturday and Sunday, today's
Monday, I didn't drink caffeine at all and that's new for me
'cause over the last six months I've been drinking caffeine
pretty much every single day. Today, I don't know if you
can tell, I'm speaking kind of fast, had a cup of coffee. "CPR is just the human version
of blowing into a video game "cartridge hoping it'll work again." That's really dark. You know, I don't even
know why we did that. Was that like a thing that
we did 'cause we had anxiety? That was calming for us like (exhales). When someone stops breathing
they're essentially dead and you need CPR to bring
them back but when a game isn't working and you blow
in it the game's not dead it just, there's some interference. "Sitting in conference
after a night shift like." There were so many times
where you had to work a 24 hour shift and then
stay for morning rounds and you wanna stay up and
you wanna learn from it but your eyes are like,
"No, you will close." You fight so hard you turn purple and then people look at you
really weird and you're like, "Oh I should probably just
have another cup of coffee." "New interns entering the
hospital on their first day like." Aww, that's so cute. Yeah, when you walk in you're like, "I'm here to help the world." And someone's like, "Go
and do this, do that, stat, "help with this nurse, help
this patient, do this." And you're like (gasps). "when you let the med student
betadine the patient." That's actually really funny. So those of you who don't know
betadine is how you disinfect areas before you do a
procedure or a surgery. It has this unique color to
it, it's like dark in color. So this does look like an
area that you betadined. Is this photoshopped? I don't even know if this is photoshopped. I can relate to this. I had a spray tan once
in one of my videos. I think it was either
my night time routine or how to get a summer body video. I got a spray tan for one
of the first times ever and I looked so weird. Sorry I just need a walnut,
walnut, I need a cashew, a raw cashew. "Big Pharma's first Adderall meeting." "Meth, but for children." That's so bad. It's bad but it's accurate. One of the main active
ingredients in Adderall is methamphetamine and
it's kind of interesting, and surprising and
ironic at the same time, that methamphetamine's
something that causes you, that acts like an upper,
actually calms patients who naturally are too up. Right, but it works. And it doesn't mean it's
right for everybody. Don't push that on patients. And patients, don't automatically
request it when you think that you don't have a
great attention span. Some people, especially some
patients that I have, come in and tell me that, "Oh Doctor
it's hard to study for tests. "I'm not really distracted and I can focus "for long periods of time but
I just don't like studying "so I can have a prescription for this?" That's not what it's for. These medicines have true side effects and you'd be taking them
unnecessarily, it's bad for you. "RPG roles in the body." For those of you who don't
know, role-playing game. Well the stomach could be the
Damage Per Second character 'cause the stomach burns
everything with acid. I'm with it. The heart, okay it's the
Healer 'cause it loves. I think the brain would
be like the Sorcerer rather than the Rogue
'cause I don't think brains are sly they're more like wizardy. And the liver is the Tank. I would make skin the Tank. Many of you didn't know
the skin is an organ and guess what? Your skin blocks almost all viruses and bacteria from getting in to your body. That's why they have to
land on your mucus membranes to get in 'cause your skin's
like, "Nah B, I'm a tank." This is getting weird. "Me after mingling at
an interview all day." "Please allow 48 hours for full recovery." Oh my God that's how I feel. But not necessarily with
med school interviews. When you would go to med school interviews it's kind of exciting
'cause it's your future but when you have to
mingle for a long period of time with people who are really smart it takes a lot of brain power. Especially for someone like
me who like, I have to really be on and afterwards
I just wanna come home and like melt into the couch with Bear on top of me melting into me so we become this weird
human-Bear combination. Check out this hilarious "Memes
Review" episode right here and if you're having a
tough time with quarantine check out some of these
tips I put together for you. Right here, click it. Click it.
I adore this video, but you dropping the cashews scared the crap out of me, can I have a hug
I love these memes Doctor Mike!!😍🤗
Best
Hey Dr Mike there is a reddit post in this subbredit about a guy who has ideas of killing can you plz help him I'm worried about the dude