Devoted Conference 2020- Lisa Bevere

[Music] well you know Sharon and Steve are the real deal Steve serves on our board which means he spanks us which is awesome we all need people in our lives that will tell us the things that we don't want to hear but I love Sharon Sharon it was a powerful word yesterday and I know you said that you liked what I preached on Thursday night the best but what I saw on your life not the best I've ever done not anybody else not any we were not comparing she remembers she said you're doing better I'm like hallelujah I hope I don't get worse but what's on your life Sharon because of the humility on your life is just going from strength to strength and it's because God can trust you and I personally trust you and I love you so you're amazing all right so everybody high five you guys can sit down how magnificent was Alex Ely last night yeah Gabi Italians are taking over the world Alex and I are Beau's Italian well in an Italian and Sheila is always phenomenal just pull something out of the depths of her heart of her soul and then I want to acknowledge but there's so many people here I could acknowledge but I want to just say how impressed I am that Lisa Young is sitting in all of the services and listening and drawing on you know a well of refreshing and I just said impresses me Lisa and then of course I love sweet Rachel Campbell I've loved her for a really long time and Beth green so I love all of you but I don't know all of your names all right I'm gonna throw the picture of my family back up it's not gonna be a dolt it's gonna be my family okay I I want to talk to you about what I see when I see my family what I see yes I see a single guy but what I see is the redemption of God and I also want to highlight something because I didn't know it was gonna come up for this conference but you see Christians to be Christian Arden's wife her cousin who basically was raised alongside of her as a sister is one of the final two finalists in The Bachelor so y'all probably know which one she is she is the godly one why are you watching it we are not watching it we are not watching it but uh but yeah I just uh I just anyway I just I'm super proud of Maddie I have no idea how it ends but hallelujah there you go so I am so excited about the message I get to bring this morning you know I talked to you about identity the first night and I want to talk to you about truth in this moment we live in a day and a time that is a universe of opinions everybody has an opinion about everything everybody feels that their opinion needs to be shared about everything how many of you know I have opinions I have amazingly strong opinions about a lot of things but God has taught me to have gentle opinions and strong convictions we need to be people who actually ground our lives on something bigger than our culture and our time and our opinions because I'm gonna tell you a little secret I have been doing this Christian thing for over thirty years I've been in the ministry and there are things I would have killed to defend that I don't even believe anymore so you don't want to live by opinions you want to live by doctrines of faith and there is a prayer that jesus prayed that we have a chance to be an answer to and that is that we would be one we are never going to come into the unity of doctrine but we can come in to the unity of faith and we believe there is one God that Jesus is our Savior we believe that he died and rose again we believe he was born of a virgin and we need to actually navigate back to down to our core beliefs do you know that the church is more known for what she is against than what she is for and that is a horrible place for us to be and the reason we are more known for what we are against is that too often the church will preach the truth without love and when you preach the truth without love it comes across harsh so our culture has responded to that by preaching love without truth but love without truth is a lie and so you and I have a chance in this day to marry both truth and love in our expression of life see people don't want to hear what you think on Instagram or Twitter as much as they want to see what you list at the end of the day the greatest platform any of us will ever stand on is our life so when I wrote the book adamant I actually was very surprised that God actually hates some things did you know that do you know that God loves everyone God loves everyone and because he loves everyone he cannot love everything God cannot love the things that on makes those he loves pride unmake those he loves anger strife bitterness slander sowing division between the brothers and the sisters these are all things that God hates and what I have found out is God does not begin with me pointing out everybody else's flaws he begins with me so I want to tell you a story about my beginning and I loved what's already been woven into this conference I loved how Alex Sealy asked you last night how's your heart I'm gonna ask you how's your habits because what will happen is you will leave here and if you don't deal with certain patterns in your life you will find that you are right back entrapped into the patterns and you will second-guess what actually happened in your heart so Sharon mentioned that John might have been in the ministry for thirty years and I still remember the turning point the turning point was not a public moment the turning point for me was a private moment I had just had my first child and I was home on two New Year's Eve and I believe it was nineteen let's see how old is Addison he is 33 so I'm thinking it was 1987 or 88 and there was a top Christian song during that time which we'd had 'we went maker but we didn't it was it was take me in to the Holy of Holies take me in by the blood of the Lamb take me in to the Holy of Holies take your coal cleanse my lips Here I am I remember I rewound that cassette tape yeah that's what we had because takes over and over and over it was my prayer and I would love to tell you that my heart was pure I would love to say I was just so holy I would love to tell you but that would be a lie I prayed that prayer because I thought there might be one thing wrong with me I was sitting on the front row as a pastor's wife falling down because that's what we were doing back then falling down at least once a month and I was like hey God is super happy with me baby you know I'll pray this prayer an angel will show up tonight put a tap a little me on the shoulder put a little coal on my lips and maybe I'll just testify in church tomorrow little did I know what I had set in motion I remember I said God I want you to excavate my life what was I thinking what was I thinking two weeks later I was like wait wait wait wait can I say excavate I didn't mean to say excavate I meant to say landscape I meant to say accessorize my life god no no more excavation but see when you play those kind of prayers in holy moments God's like angels did you hear that oh we've been waiting for this permission go after that one saying that she keeps hidden in her heart because he I just had a teeny little problem with anger like once a quarter once a quarter I would call John a name I would throw something at him I would I just just once a quarter I would have a little bit of a flip-out it was manageable until I until I prayed then it was once a month and that is when I found out three men attention of course I'm upset we are not biblical people this man should not even be sitting on the same sofa with me according to the Bible until he sends me to a spa during this season of course he is going to have a problem rented all the way but that one also worked against me because when I would be upset John would be like are you about ready I don't know it's not yeah and then the next day I was like okay it was that because like for an hour the day before my period I was capable of mass murder but then it jumped from once a month to once a week and that was when I looked at my genetic patterns of course I was angry I have mafia vendetta's clothing in my blood veins I thought I was Apache Indian he lies I took the DNA test they took it away from me and gave me Arab that did not help I had all these different things going on in my body I was coexisting with invaders my husband was just lucky to be alive then then it went from once a week to like all the time and that was when I realized I was under spiritual attack see that was my favorite because saying I'm under spiritual attack absolved me of all responsibility I would say wow I must be under spiritual attack perhaps all the witches in Orlando are gathered together praying against the youth pastor's wife and that is why I'm having problems I knew I knew I was out of control but I didn't know how to get a grip on myself and I am a student of the Bible and I was afraid because I had read that we are going to give an account for every aisle word and I was like oh no I have so many evil words I imagined in heaven people are gonna be like are we still talking about Lisa's account of idle words I mean wow this is a long time Lisa so I stopped talking so when my husband and I were fighting I stopped talking because I just was like I I'm afraid I'm afraid of what's going to come out and we were living in an apartment we have the one child and John decided to provoke me he John's Italian he's like I'm gonna make her talk and all I know is I was drying a dish and the next thing I knew was the dish became a frisbee it went back and I threw it at my husband released it from my hand John did some kind of matrix wound avoided decapitation and it travelled the length of the room and went out the window the only problem was the window was closed shattered our picture window in our yeah in our apartment when that happens everything stops my husband looked at me he was like I cannot believe you just threw that plate at me I can't believe you were trying to kill me and I said I can't believe it either I don't even know I don't even know how to throw a frisbee John was like I mean it Lisa this is not funny I am calling the maintenance people and I am telling them what you did and I said you're a man of God I don't want you to lie you go ahead and tell them but I will not be here so I got in my car and began to pray in the spirit I offered up my firstborn Addison God I give you I gave you my firstborn he will serve you all the days of his life I was Hannah I bring him I bring him to your temple I prayed for everybody in China I negotiate with God like God you know you know how powerful you are flick of your eyelash you could put that whole window back up God you can fix this you can fix this and then I went into the shaming thing I'm putting myself into shame you know that's an Italian thing it I've been into the shaming thing I'm sorry I began to imagine what was happening I imagined at church on Sunday all the older women would look at me they'd say I always knew it I always knew she had a problem with anger there would be a front page news spread Youth pastor's wife breaks picture window and I would just be covered in shame and I was like I deserve it all I went grocery shopping during this time I remember picking up produce I'd be like Oh God I tried to go home but the maintenance man was still at our house so then I I drove around again did some more prayer circles over Orlando if there's a revival it's because of me anyway about dusk the guys car was gone I walked in there was black plastic over the window and when I walked in my husband looked at me and he said God must really love you or you must have really been praying I was really afraid I was really praying he said you're not even gonna believe what happened he said when the maintenance man came I was on the toilet so Addison Addison our two-year-old opened the door and the man comes in he he sees this he's like what happened he walks over to the window he moves the sofa out to see what was going on and Addison's Tonka truck was behind the sofa a metal Tonka truck the man picks up the metal Tonka truck looks at Addison and makes the assumption that a two-year-old had thrown the Tonka truck at the window and broken it by the time John came out the man had already made his conclusion John began to explain yeah my wife threw a plate which I of course had picked up off the grass my wife threw a plate but before the guy could say any better John could see you think I said hey don't even worry about this this is why we have insurance these kind of things happen all the time and and then John was like well what would he wanted to say it wasn't my two-year-old it was my thirty year old it was year-old that did this but the guy was like say no more say no more so I am let my two-year-old take the rap for breaking a window and you know what happened that night something happened in my heart I went from what I've done like my husband was gonna uncover me so bad covers me then we moved into our first house very first house and the anger thing was just like still going on John John says the animals in the neighborhood would scatter what I had an anger saying it was like a it was like a volcano inside of me and then John would be like you know what's wrong I'd say you know what's wrong but I I would only say that because I didn't know what's wrong I wanted him to tell me tell me what is wrong but I was super productive when I was angry I would start through the house getting things done putting things away really fast stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp and I remember I was taking things out of the washer into the dryer out of the washer into the dryer and I thought to myself I just need to slam this dryer door and when I slammed the dryer door it'll put closure on the whole thing so I was bent over I slammed the dryer door turn around and my husband is standing in the doorway of the laundry room he looked at me and he said you are not breaking anything in this house and he picked me up and put me in the garage now I don't I don't know what he was thinking but putting me in the garage had the very opposite effect of calming me down he said you stay out here till you calm down so I was like what and we had a garage door opener so what did I do I opened the garage I went into the front door I rang the doorbell dingdong dingdong dingdong and John was like ah you're not calm down I you're not calm down I'm not letting you in I was like I won't go tell the neighbors that you locked your wife in the garage he was like go ahead go ahead because he knew I wouldn't so I was like so then I went back to the garage and we had just moves we had all these boxes and so I thought you know what I want to be in this scotch he's gonna have to come looking for me I am NOT gonna even try to come in so I'm going through the garage I'm organizing things I'm pitching things I'm like getting everything ready and it's for like an hour and John has not come from me and then I started to think what if every time John thinks I'm out of control he puts me in the garage I am going to be spending a lot of time out here this is not right then I thought you know what I need to send a clear message I need to find something of his that I can yep I know that I can break that I can break but then I was like no no that's too mean and we're too poor to replace it I want a long-term message and then the idea came to me that my husband was responsible for all of the grilling in our house I thought I am going to take this hammer and I am going to put a dent in the lid of the grill and every time that man goes to grill he'll be like whoa I'm not messing with her she's tough I picked up the hammer I drew back my arm I was just getting ready to hit the grill when I heard the Holy Spirit say Lisa if you hit that grill it's gonna be you doing it it's not the witches it's not the Sicilian it's not your parents it's not your husband it's you I hit the grill and said I bind condemnation in the name of Jesus my husband thought you saw my family they're all they're all normal they're all normal don't be afraid they're all normal I knocked on the door I said John one time one time hit the grill one time he was not impressed he said I don't know what it's going to take for you to get a grip on your temper and I said well putting me in the garage was not helpful then I had my second child how many of you have more than one child wave at me okay you're gonna totally understand what I'm saying one child is an accessory you take them out you dress them up they behave well it's all a trick to get you to have more children when I had my second child I thought what have I done I will never brush my teeth before noon again what was I thinking we were super poor we had one car that John took every day to work and he would see me in his rearview mirror yelling pray for me pray for me and for the safety of your children pray for me and he'd be like you're okay I'm like I'm not okay I'm not okay he said Lisa you told me when you got pregnant with Austin that God told you to see a stay-home mom I said pregnant women lie they lie I don't know what I was thinking I need to go back to work full-time I want to go back to work jumps like nope God's working something out in your life you need to stay home but see every single day was a test that I failed every single day now I don't know if you believe in any Graham or not but I am married to an inia Graham one oh my gosh pray for me every single day he would come home he would look at the mess that the house had become he would look at me I would be standing there with my nursing slaps down a baby in my arms another one off my legs and he would say what did you do all day and I would say busy I have not even taken a shower stop asking me that back in that day we didn't have portable phones I remember I'd put my firstborn down for a nap in my firstborn he had been perfect perfect I'd look at other people like what's wrong with you you should just raise your children the way I raised my children but as soon as I had that second baby he had FOMO he was gonna miss out on something it had to all be equal if I kissed the baby out he kissed him if I said I love you to the baby I said I understand so now he couldn't he couldn't take a nap because a nap meant that he'd miss out so I'd put him down for the nap he'd get back up I put him down for the nap he'd get back up he'd hear the phone ring and he knew she's trapped in the kitchen because I didn't have a porter I had a cord but I did not have a portable phone he would hear me answer the phone people what were they thinking people we had a listed phone number calling me for prayer I don't know what they thought was going on in my house John was the youth pastor I was just surviving people are calling I don't they thought I had my Bible open an incense and worship blowing I don't know if they realize what I look like at home but they would call me and and of course I I you know I did I prayed with them but my son would be like she's trapped and he would get off his bed and he would start to play in the loft and if they could have seen what was actually happening it was me stomping my foot and waving a spank spoon and my son might get back back back to your room ah back and he would just look down that's a laugh like I see that hand but I'm not going anywhere I'm not gonna do it and the back and forth and back and forth what happened and then sometimes he would pass out a nutter exhaustion but it would be five minutes before the baby would wake up well my mouth would let down I'd like I failed again I failed again so one day Addison came down the stairs and I no longer saw a child I some one enemy this is the one keeping me from getting any thing done I went stomping up the stairs I picked him up stomping up stairs I no longer liked my brain was like a storm I don't know if you've ever had a mom storm in your brain but my brain was like a storm and I thought what can I do and I heard a voice say pick him up this is not funny just warning you slam him into the wall and put him down and I remember thinking that should work I picked my son up I level and I saw something I had never seen before he was not afraid of what I was going to do he had no idea what I was going to do he was afraid of me and when I saw the terror in my son's eyes it broke me because I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive household and every time I was hit every time I was kicked every time I was backhanded or slapped every time I was thrown into a wall I made myself a promise and it went like this I will never treat my children this way but there I was a born again spirit filled pastor's wife getting ready to slam my son into the wall and it broke me I put him down and they said Addison I'm so sorry mom he just scared you put him down on his bed and I went downstairs and I hit the carpet and I said God it's not my parents they're not here oh yeah I had an alcoholic father and a mother who was mentally ill but they weren't there it's not my husband he's not here it's not the Sicilian because I know you're bigger than that it's not the witches it's me I have a real problem with anger and I don't know how to get free and then I cried until there was nothing have you ever cried until there's nothing you cry it all out you see all the interactions with your husband with your parents all the things that you had created as a resume I saw it all and I wept and I wept then I heard the Spirit of God say Lisa because you're no longer justifying this I'll take it out of your life he said what you justify you by you say I have earned the right to be this way because of what was done to me and we have an entire generation saying I was abused I was mistreated my mom didn't buy me that dress my dad whatever how extreme or how petty doesn't matter you are not defined by what was done to you you are defined by what was done for you you are here right now you need to understand that what was done for you eclipses what was done to you but you have to make that choice all of the sudden I began to see my mom's life differently I began to remember that my father would come home drunk I began to remember that it was 5:30 when my dad was not home when my mother would start being abusive to me see my mom felt like I was just like my father so she couldn't do it to him so she did it to me and I loved timeout because timeout meant I was hidden and I was saved and I was not being hit and I was not being yelled at but I loved that Alex Ely talks about how God draws us near God draws us near so all the sudden I'm beginning to see things and then I remembered that there was one incident that I'd never forgive him my mother for see there was one I'd hidden in my heart it happened when I was 7 here I was like 29 years of age and I had hidden that and I knew it was in my heart because I had a motion attached to it if I talked about it with my husband I might cry if I thought about it it made me think I need to I need to keep my mom at a distance where she's where she's safe I don't I I can't let her close again my mother had come to me when she became a Christian and she had said Lisa I'm really sorry I didn't raise you the way I would if I had known better I am so sorry and I said oh I forgive you I forgive you yeah I didn't I forgave her of everything but one one just in case she wasn't really sorry God told me you call your mama and you ask her to forgive you for withholding forgiveness for that one specific incident and at the time I was like no no I just forgive her I forgive her I don't want to bring it up I I can't believe that I dared to not forgive her I have an amazing husband and I was a crazy woman I am God I forgive my mom and he was like nope no you call her you call her so I pick up the phone and I called my mom and I said mom this is Lisa and I'm crying and they said mom I almost slammed the Addyson into the wall today and I realize it was because I've never forgive you I've never forgiven you and then I cited the incident interestingly enough the very thing that I refuse to forgive my mother of was the thing I almost did to my son my mom began to weep and she said that's the one thing I've never been able to forgive myself for well there's a reason for that the sins that we retain they're retained the sins that we remit they are remitted my mother and I prayed together on the phone that this pattern of abuse that had been in our family because her mother abused her and her mother was abused by my grandmother my great-grandmother that this pattern of abuse and excuse would stop I also called one of my friends and I told her what I almost did and she just said but you did it but she didn't she's a don't worry about it but she didn't I didn't want sympathy I wanted accountability see when I confessed it to God I was forgiven when I confessed it to my mother I was healed but when John came home from work and I told him what almost happened I had somebody who was iron sharpening iron that was accountable in my life I told him what almost happened we prayed together and then I started on the journey on the journey see habits become habitations they things we do without thinking what do we see in Galatians chapter 5 verse 16 it says keep in step with the spirit and then Paul goes on to say but I say walk by the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh for the desires of the flesh are against the spirit and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh for these are opposed to each other to keep you from doing the things you want to do what did I want to do I wanted to be a great mother I wanted to be the best possible mother ever what did I want to do I wanted to be an amazing wife what did I want to do I wanted to be a godly woman who knew how to be constructive with her anger rather than destructive so you know the Bible does say be angry and sin not abuse layer's sin on to anger anger is something that all of us have do you know even God gets angry do you know what God does sometimes does in the Old Testament I even think he does it in the New Testament cuz he did it on the cross but his God do when he's angry was he do he turns away so that he can turn back I tell my husband I'm angry at you right now I'm gonna act like God I'm gonna turn away so I can turn back sometimes in the heat of the moment things will escalate John and I have given one another permission to say timeout timeout because we're gonna move from anger to rage and then to wrath see right now we have a culture that is telling you that wrong is strong get angry use your voice denounce everybody I'm gonna tell you something it doesn't take a whole lot of strength to hold people down or tear people down it takes more strength to lift people and to build them up which means we cannot be destructive with our anger we need to be constructive there's a lot of things going on right now that we should be angry about but my Bible says the wrath of man and can I just make this one gender neutral the wrath of woman never never produces the righteous purposes of God wrath is when I say I'm mad and you will pay no we're supposed to entrust it to God God who judges righteously now I'm not talking about illegal things illegal things we entrust to the authorities I'm not talking about that I'm talking about you being mad at your sister because of whatever I'm talking about your husband I'm talking about your babies I'm talking about saying things like I heard growing up things like I'm sorry I hit you but you make me so mad what is that actually saying it's saying it's my fault it's saying I'm sorry I hit you but I had no choice but to hit you because you make me so mad see an apology is actually a defense of something but a confession is when we are bold enough to just say I'm sorry I was wrong without making excuses without saying and what are you gonna say what are you gonna say you know you do it with your husband okay I've just said this I just put this on the table what are you adding no you just have to say I'm sorry I was wrong because our hearts as Alex talked about they're just too precious for us to get in a pattern that's going to end up on making them with rage and anger and hatred we can't do that yeah there's stuff that's wrong but you know what you gotta guard your heart and one of the number one ways to guard your heart is to allow God to move through your actions it goes on to say in Galatians but if you are led by the spirit you are not under the law under the law it's i for eye tooth for tooth you slap me I slap you back as as hard as I can and then it goes on to say now the works of the flesh are evidence sexual immorality impurity sensuality idolatry sorcery enmity strife jealousy fits of anger rivalries dissensions divisions envy drunkenness orgies and things like that there I was busted it wasn't a spiritual attack of the work of the flesh a pattern in my life he goes on to say I warn you as I warned you before that those who do such things are the NIV says practice such things practice is a habit doctors have a practice they go every day and they do the same thing will not inherit the kingdom of God now you're thinking well that just means I'm in the suburbs I don't think it's a good idea Paul says I warn you as I warned you before that you don't want to be in a habit of living this way why part of the reason is you'll end up pushing the way the people that you have should care about the most I didn't have fits of Rage in public I saved it for at home I saved it for my loved ones and when I look at my family now I know that God worked a work in me he goes on to say but the fruit of the Spirit is love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness self-control against such things there is no law and those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires if we live by the spirit let let us also keep in step with the spirit let us not become conceited provoking one another and envying one another I remember I never wanted to tell anybody that story I would study out messages that were outside of me and I want to say it was like five years later I went to preach somewhere and the Holy Spirit wouldn't give me my little release to preach on my obadiah message I don't even know what that was but I like tried to find something really obscure and like hey I bet none of you've ever looked at Obadiah before let's talk about him today and God was like nope you're not doing Obadiah you're not doing Obadiah today you're gonna talk about me setting you free from anger and I was like no that's private that's private we're not doing that one that's that's a private thing and he's like nope no we're gonna take it public because it's a Word made flesh in your life and when you actually preach words that God has worked out in your life it has a different power to it so I don't necessarily watch television much but if you're gonna leave your TV on it's probably safe to leave it on Christian television and I think there was my boys were watching VeggieTales and unbeknownst to me it flipped to life today and I was giving this testimony on life today when my oldest son the one I almost slammed into the wall who had never heard this testimony was sitting watching it I came into the kitchen and I remember panic hitting me and I'm like oh my gosh do I run and turn off the TV what do I do but it was already in the middle of it he would have already heard that I almost slammed him into the wall and I stood there shaking and afraid and when Addison realized I was in the room he turned to me and he said I can't even see you doing that I can still see me doing it I see the redemption of God I want to do something once you own a mistake it no longer owns you I want everybody to stand up or just gonna do a quick prayer and Alex healings gonna bring a powerful word I want you to lift up your hands and say Heavenly Father I want to own it I need mercy therefore I'm gonna so mercy I'm gonna stop making excuses I'm gonna stop justifying I'm gonna set other people free that I have held in prison I'm gonna cancel their debt they owe me nothing because I have been freely forgiven I choose to freely forgive in Jesus name some of you need to go home and talk to your husband's some of you need to go home and talk to your kids I'm great with being the fall guy on this you'd be like I heard a crazy woman talking about how she almost heard her kids and and I just want you to know that if I've ever made you feel that you were to blame I'm sorry kids are incredibly resilient begin again forgive yourself and begin anew god bless you you [Applause]

Channel: Wave Church

Views: 11,704

Rating: 4.8474574 out of 5

Keywords: Lisa, Bevere, Wave, Church, Sharon, Kelly, Virginia, Beach

Id: 94ZRmQAPslo

Length: 47min 20sec (2840 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 09 2020