7 Ways To Honor God In Your Marriage with Levi & Jennie Lusko

come on Bayside shirt it's a privilege for us to be here what a joy yeah you guys can be seated thank you so much we we want to say how grateful we are to be here we were here a few months ago for an evening and just to see a church so packed out on a Friday night as why you could do on a Friday night but to be here doing something good for your soul doing good something good for your marriage and for your life give yourself a hand it's really a fantastic thing I am personally real so encouraged and inspired by each and every one of you for for being here tonight and what you're saying tonight is that you're wanting to invest in your future you're wanting to invest in your relationship with your spouse now if you're not married with your future spouse and I'm just I'm personally honored we're just so thankful to get to be here with you tonight and hopefully in part things that we've learned share from our hearts to you and so I'm just believing that God has something so special for each and every one of us as we've all gathered here tonight so thankful yeah and we want to just say how grateful we are for the pastors and staff and team here at Bayside everyone in serving as a volunteer tonight all the way up to the pastor's come on let's thank God for the leadership for the team you can't pull an event off like this without a lot of people working hard and over the next couple days we'll be talking about marriage and relationships and we love good stories one of the best we've heard on the subject of marriage was about a woman who was excited about a big day at work she had a big meeting and you know that that meeting that you you you kind of like comfort yourself by I'm gonna wear my like favorite dress I'm gonna wear my favorite outfit so she had God that dry clean she was super excited big day though so you know amidst all the craziness getting the coffee made and the kids lunches pack for her husband were kind of coming going well last thing was of course to slip into this dress that she had her power dress for that day's meeting and just at that moment her husband came into the kitchen and and began to sort of flirtatiously sort of like you know kind of make a quick advance before the day began and and so what he chose to do was to grab this her on the back of her dress and sort of you know kind of play with it just a little bit and she says stop stop stop this I I got to go in a second I I have a big meeting this is right and he he he sort of like didn't you didn't get the memo sort of the plane a little bit and and just as that moment she went to jerk and say he's no stop is usually I gotta go I gotta go right now he was still holding the zipper pretty good and it tore off the back of the the dress at which point she was of course not policed and if mama ain't happy ladies and gentlemen ain't nobody gonna be happy and as he held the zipper she she stormed off to find something different to wear which was you know inferior to her first choice and she jumped in the car went to work meeting went fine when she came home later that day she saw that her husband was under the vehicle working on the car in the driveway and so because of the way he was positioned with his waist just sticking out she decided that revenge is a dish best served cold so she went up to her husband in the driveway and she grabbed the zipper and began to flirtatiously play with it just a little bit at a time up and down up and down up and down satisfied that she had even the score she went into the house to her dismay her husband was standing in the kitchen at the counter pouring a tall glass of lemonade which confused her and she said what are you doing here and he said I live here he said your who's under the car in the driveway she said our next door he said our next-door neighbor he was he held he offered to help me with a car so I was getting him a glass lemonade right now and she had confessed what she had done it went out and there was a pair of legs very motionless with the zipper halfway they called his name he didn't answer so they eventually pulled him out and he was unconscious turns out while he was working on the muffler in feeling his pants being unzipped he did what anybody would do he sat up really really quickly and abruptly the point is marriage is crazy and sometimes hard well we're excited to talk about it because we've been blessed by marriage and we're excited to to plumb the depths a little bit so there's no spiritual turn at all that's just completely totally a great story come on you got it Mets a good story first Peter chapter 3 we're gonna in both of our our sessions together be kind of camped out of first Peter because God has in these past few months in our home our church we've been really spending a lot of time digging into this book of first Peter and we sort of think the theme of first Peter is dawn is coming dawn is coming because if you know anything about it it was written to Christians who were dealing with hardship and persecution and difficulty and and Peter wrote to encourage them that hey no matter how dark it seems no matter how dark it feels dawn is coming come on the Sun rises every single morning like clockwork and no matter what you're going through today there's gonna come a Sun up over the horizon tomorrow it was Winston Churchill who said that the message of the sunset is sadness but the message of the sunrise is and hope and so it's been an amazing book of the Bible for us to study personally and to go through and and we're really excited about it but before I go any further your swipe right is a great resource if you have kids especially one of the reasons that we worked on that book and released that book was to help parents transform what can be an awkward talk an awkward clumsy talk into an ongoing dialogue that points to wise choices it talks about pornography and tinder and what to what to make sense how to make sense of this crazy cultural climate that we're living in sexually speaking dating and marriage and there's a whole chapter in there called date your mate or the devil will find someone who will so lots of good lost a good marriage advice in there but I'm really excited to let you know as well that jenny has her first book coming out on Mother's Day of 2020 this year she spent all the last year working on this book yeah come on give her give her a hand just tell us a quick and I tell us a quick bit about the book just real quickly okay really quickly the things that we go through the struggle that we're in regardless of where we're at in life that those things that are those things are the very thing that's going to cause us to thrive and to flourish I think sometimes we think the hard stuff we go through the dirt the crud the crap that we deal with it is just obstacles to getting to where God wants us to be but the truth is is that all those things are the ingredients that we need in order to grow in order to flourish in order to thrive and it's part of my story our story and things God's teat been teaching me so I'm thankful that I was able to yeah it's amazing it's great I think we have some we have the art for it if we do we could put that up if we don't we'll show you tomorrow it's just an amazing cover I want to get a tattooed on my back it's so good fantastic maybe we don't have a woman pool show tomorrow but the fights are flourish just what that books called in this coming out on Mother's Day I'm so excited to watch it get released into the world but this message in this session that we're gonna have together from first Peter chapter 3 we want to give to you a message that we're calling where Beauty comes from where Beauty comes from because there's not a single one of us that that is here tonight who would say you know I don't want my relationship to be beautiful I think we want a beautiful marriage we want those of you who are single here tonight you know when the day comes and you you get married you say I do you want a beautiful rich vibrant relationship and Peter's gonna tell us where Beauty comes from right in first Peter if you have your Bibles chapter 3 starting in verse 1 he says wives in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes instead it should be that of your inner self the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight for this is the way the holy women of the past you put their hope and God used to make themselves beautiful they were submissive to their own husbands like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her master you are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear and then in verse 7 he speaks the word to the men and he says husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers and father I thank you for every single person every couple here tonight thank you for the great privilege that it is for Jenny and I to be here and to get to encourage we're fellow journey we're journeying as well on this road wanting to grow wanting our marriage to become more beautiful and more rich Gaudin and we just pray that blessing over every single heart every home here yes we're not unaware of the fact that in a room this size that for some this might feel like sort of a last drastic measure marriages that are in real difficulty struggling through the pain and hardship of infidelity or other betrayal challenging seasons difficult diagnosis that has has come unexpectedly and so father we just know that you know everything that's happening and you have a plan and so we love and trust you yes we're not expecting just another service or just another moment we're believing for something to shift we're believing for breakthrough or believing for change because we're the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom and as we gather in the name of Jesus to to look to you to do what scripture says knowing that you're God in heaven and we're here on earth we're gonna let our words be few we want to hear what you would say because your words can change everything yes and so we do ask for that to happen we stand on holy ground believing that in just a few short days God you can do massive things and so we ask for your will to be done in Jesus name we pray amen I love that leave I just prayed that we're in the journey with you or not we're not up here saying this is how you should do it and you're the perfect example but really we're on this journey right alongside you we're learning we're growing our heart is to grow and our relationship with each other and living beautifully individually and together and so our hope is to to come alongside you and say hey we got this you got this and let's do this so yep we almost always turn down speaking engagement marriage conferences because it just exposes so much inside of you to get us to come talk to other people about marriage like oh wow okay we better really start talking to me I'm joking it's been great last couple weeks but we a little bit about us we've been married this April will celebrate 16 years we have five amazing kids four daughters and then one son of our daughters ones in heaven waiting for us and we're just we do love each other so much and it is always a privilege and a special thing to get to talk about about our relationship and relationship in general yeah well these verses just basically I mean we could just read them and go because this kind of lays out our roles within marriage I love first of all so much that Peter spends six verses talking to the women right and one verse talking to the men hilarious and it's so funny because it's like as women we need all the details we need okay who how when why give me everything I need to know in order to submit to my husband's love my husband respect my husband lots of examples Old Testament illustrations right because he just knows all the questions they'll have and for the men it's just one verse he just says you I just need you to track with this one thing and there's a heavy-handed threat at the end right if you don't God will stop listening to your prayers alright fine I'll do it just tell me what I need to know right just one verse amazing it's fantastic but it really is a beautiful thing as he tells us how to have the beauty that we all crave and that is true on an individual level and as he begins he says look look being beautiful doesn't come from what you wear and and how your hair is you can be pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside and so it's got to come from a deeper place it's got to come from something on the inside right and this is showing us our title where true beauty comes from and I love that in the in first Peter first for in the message it's it's talking about your inner disposition it's talking about it says cultivate inner beauty the gentle gracious kind that God delights in and I love that this is first of all at an individual level and I think so often we can get so carried away with the outward appearance for men and women alike we can focus so much on our hair our makeup our clothes what what we're looking like on the outside but we see here that it's the inward and I love how it says in verse three your beauty should not come from outward adornment it's not come only from what's on the outside such as what they wore in those days braided hair gold jewelry fine clothes and none of those things is he saying don't do that right I think don't braid your area saying don't let don't think that that's where true beauty lives but he's saying your beauty should be that of your inner self and and just for a moment I think for us to know that that's actually something that we can grow in and that we can cultivate is that focusing on the inner beauty I know for me personally even recently really being aware of and examining my own how I get myself ready in the morning because we get ourselves ready we brush our teeth we take a shower maybe after we work out oh by the way toothbrush is a great gift I don't let anybody tell you is that a vacuum is a great gift too let's not mess with the peloton it's too soon but I did get Jenny I bought you about a vacuum of toothbrush and a pellet on all four birthdays and gifts and Miniver Suri's yeah he's grateful for all of them at least she said so well I just like gifts so anything is amazing but anyway so I was just thinking how so often we can focus so much on the outward and I know for me personally like if I literally start from shower to being ready for the day it could take me like a full-on hour and and then I was thinking well how much time do I put into taking care of my soul and preparing my soul for the day and there are there are days where I'm getting ready for an hour on the outside and then it's like okay a quick 5 minute getting my soul ready reading a verse praying spending time with God really quickly before I head out the door and I'm not saying that you have to equal your time getting ready and your time getting your soul ready but I think that's just such an important thing to be aware of that are we putting more emphasis on the outward than we are on the inward which is actually the more important and the the part of us that where the true beauty actually comes from and so that's been something you my own life that has been challenging me it's amazing you know Paul said in the book of first Thessalonians may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely spirit soul and body now the spirit is a party that can interact with God it's the part that God breathed on salvation and through regeneration you you became alive in your spirit we were dead and since now we're alive and in Christ so your spirit can interact with God and receive his power your soul is the part of your nature because you're trying just like God is God is Father Son and Holy Spirit and you were made in God's image so you have spirit you have soul your soul you can use to interact with yourself so that's how you you have self dialog most of your communication throughout the day takes place within yourself that's your soul and then your body of course is how you interact with your environment living in this world as we do with what we can see spend taste eat and handle it's very easy to live body first soul second spirit third if at all and this world encroaches upon you to value your Instagram followers dollars and cents square footage what how horsepower is on your boat all of those things that our body first is putting body first and when we rush out the route to show up at work or to go to school or to do what we're doing and we've only adorned our hair only taking time to think about our clothes and brush our teeth we're putting body ahead of soul and spirit but by taking the time to read God's Word and pray and worship those sorts of things they prepare your spirit and allow you to live spirit first soul second and body third and you're informing how you use your soul in your body by what God has done inside your spirit and that's what Peter is saying here he's saying that's where true beauty lies and those of you who are single don't fall into the trap of making your evaluation for the person you're going to marry simply on the basis of physical attraction and and how they look now because last time I did a wedding it was better and worse sickness and in health for richer or for poorer and so what you're trusting is that there's gonna be something of substance deep down that doesn't show up on a selfie that's going to carry you through the difficult days and the times of lack the lean years for the seven you know gaunt cows come up and swallow up all that you're trying to produce that's a reference to the book of Genesis all right so you're you're hoping for depth but we're living in that we live in a day that's physical and like Madonna saying this material world it's easy to only think about how good-looking they are right yeah I how many times someone this person's wrong for you plays hot so as hell so you got it you gotta be looking for more right well it's true and like we started off saying we all want this beautiful life we all want to have the the lives that our have a purpose and have a goal and that are making an impact in the world and and where this all comes from is is the inner person and I just I just think about how like kind eyes like I want to be the kind of mom that my kids remember is having kind eyes and even like as I got older I want to have the like the the smiley wrinkles not the frowny wrinkles it but but the smiley wrinkles come from living a life of smiling and being in the habit and the practice of being kind and and that comes your eyes get their writing start from your soul and so as you as you prepare your heart for the day I think so often like we put makeup on and we're like okay we're ready because we look good but it's the the slow steady every day spending time in God's Word every day cultivating that that hunger and that heart for God and and that's the beauty that will show over time and and isn't an instant gratification thing but it's the the steady obedience loving God loving people that at the end of your life will show on your face in such a beautiful way great and what's true of an individual is also true of a couple so if when it comes to you and me our true beauty is not a matter of what we look like it's what's happening on the inside it's what's happening on that invisible level the same is true for a marriage and that's what he's trying to get a seat to see this think deeper going on if you want a beautiful marriage it's not just about being able to afford that great great vacation or going on that cruise or or anything that you can see it's what happens on the inside that's where beauty comes from but before we even really go any further we should a quickly get our historical bearings and then B we should acknowledge an elephant truth that comes from this now I know many of you have to be ready to colon as I got what it was that mean what does that mean exactly what you what about my extenuating circumstances hold on a second we'll get there well let's start with this many Christians it seems in the church that Peter was writing to were in a situation where they were saved but their spouse wasn't they were a Jesus follower but this spouse wasn't it seems as the gospel swept out and revival went out there was lots of people getting saved too went back home and their spouse was like I don't want anything to do with that so good luck with that have fun on Sundays but but I don't I don't want anything to do with that and so Peter here is giving some advice giving some hope and encouraging what can feel like a discouraging situation don't abandon them don't bounce on the relationship don't give up on them let's just believe for salvation and let's believe the way that you approach your marriage can actually bring the beauty of salvation to their soul and and we encourage anybody here today who you know you maybe your spouse came kicking and screaming or maybe they're not here at all you're here to marriage conference by yourself and let me just encourage you to believe it's that god is a god of the impossible and he can make a way where there is no way and we believe with you for the salvation of your spouse well and I love that how he says he says that exact thing he says wives be submissive to your husband so that if any of them do not believe the word they may be won over without any words by the behavior of their wives when they see your purity and reverence in your lives and it it's that that living that beautiful living that could win over your spouse and that's beautiful you know it's it's so amazing how we can disarm anybody in our lives who doesn't know Christ who we want to be a good impact on now by just the words we speak but the beautiful life we live the way you show up at work the way you perform the way you do all that God's called you to do we'll make an impact because no doubt with some of these people got saved their spouses like Oh we'll see the holier-than-thou and you're gonna probably start condemning me and judging me with your you know Pharisee type language and oh wait here it comes here comes and he's like hey dude jujitsu it's the application of force is exactly what you're not expecting be more gracious be more humble don't have a smug pharisaical holier-than-thou attitude well you know but instead do the exact opposite and watch as God works through your beautiful life that you live to make an impact and that's what he says to these these amazing people in these difficult situations but having laid that context let's acknowledge what this passage teaches us and there's three primary things I think that we can immediately pull away from this this text before we wrestle with the meaning of it this text tells us jot it down God cares about marriage God cares about marriage and we could get you know swept away with well what does he mean here and does this apply to me and all of that but first can we just be thankful for a hot minute that God cares enough about marriage to tell us how to approach it he gave us a book and didn't leave us floundering without you know knowing what to do he cares about marriage and that's why he created it newsflash it was his idea we were hanging out in the garden just naming stuff hippo giraffe we men and God was like ya gonna need a wife for you it's not good that you're alone this is not going well and so God God gave this beautiful gift and and so it's clear he cares about you see that in Genesis we see it the first thing Jesus does in the New Testament yeah oh the first thing you eat his first miracle is at a wedding when he turns water into wine and you see that God cares about it because he showed up he was there yeah and so it's very clear that he has a passion for marriage beginning of the Old Testament beginning of the new the Bible ends with a wedding celebration that is a way to understand heaven this beautiful you know festive invite with everybody rejoicing that's a picture of heaven and I think one of the reasons God so passionate passionate about human marriage is because it points to the ultimate marriage yes Ephesians tells us clearly when we see marriage done right it gives us a picture of the relationship God wants to have with his church so God cares about merits just know that if you're having a hard time with marriage today or whatever it is just know that God who created the world cares about marriage but not just about marriage in general he cares about your marriage yes God cares about your marriage he knows what's going on he knows if there's a frosty silence in your home he knows if it's been a long time since you guys have spoken a civil word and he knows if it's going really well and he even sees improvement and strides of growth he sees into the future what your marriage could be what it potentially will be he knows the source of blessing he wants it to be to you he knows how he wants it to be a powerhouse for evangelism that people who come up come all up in your house are gonna get a blessing they're gonna get an impact they're gonna see something different they're gonna see faith they're gonna want even if they don't understand how to even describe it they're gonna say the kind of funny things that people say that's like there's something just different about you or there's a great karma about you listen I don't know what the energy is about you were like his name's Jesus right he's like that's what it is I mean we were in an uber and the other day uber drivers like there's just something different there's just something in what he's trying to articulate is the Holy Spirit of God and that's what he intends for your marriage the people who just get around you would just sense that overflowing but of God's blessing on the spills over on them and it's gonna come out in really funny ways where they might want nothing to do with your faith until something goes wrong in their life when everything really falls apart they're gonna know who to call who they can depend on who they can look to they're gonna ask for some prayers they're gonna finally take you up on that invitation I've been inviting my boxing instructor to church for a long time the first time I finally did it was after six or seven lessons and I finally said hey easter is coming up we'd love to have you come and he goes I was waiting for this go waiting for what you'd invite me to church I'm not religious and I go hey how many restaurants have I told you about how many apps for your iPhone have I recommended how many how many times have I told you oh you're going here you gotta check out this place I'm evangelistic about everything that's just God if I like it I'll tell you about it he goes that's a good point but you don't I said you don't have to come you tell me you want nothing to do with God I'll still be your friend I'll still be in your life and guess what last week Jeni bumped into him and he goes hey tell your husband I'm reading this book it's making a big difference I'm dating this new girl she told me about your church I want to come sometime so you just never know you just you just never know yeah well and I love how Levi said God cares about your marriage in the state that it's in right now so right now in the in the mess in the heartache and the difficulty if it's good if it's sunshine in your marriage if it's stormy and cloudy and rainy in your marriage God cares about it right now right where it is but like you said he also cares about the future of it and the possibility and the potential and the power that's going to come as you grow and as you lean into the difficulty and grow together there's so much for you yeah that's right and then thirdly God has a plan for your marriage I had a bike tire blowout the other day and I was able to go on the manufacturers website and see exactly how they recommended to put it on and when I did a bad job doing it and I had a wobbly tire I was able to go on to see what they recommend to do about that here's the cool thing whenever we have a problem with the product we intuitively know to go to the manufacturer well guess what God made marriage so if you're having a problem with your marriage just know there's a googling search you can do there's a there's a place to turn con we have a manufacturer what I'm saying is marriage is god-given so it should be God governed we should look to him to see what we should do with this gift that he gave us and what we find in Scripture is that God's plan for your marriage is very clear it is that we would submit we would serve and we would study submit and serve and study and we see this this there's this phrase in verse 1 and verse 7 and it's in the same way wives in the same way be submissive to your husband's husbands in the same way be considerate as you and as you go up further in chapter 2 of first Peter it's talking all about Jesus and how he was submissive to his father it's actually what is believed to be one of the oldest songs of the church first Peter chapter 2 a song all about how Jesus submitted to the father and receive blessing because of it Wow but it's just so beautiful and it gives us the picture of what it looks like the picture of marriage isn't okay wives you submit to that husband and he's gonna rule over you and make all the decisions but it's it's a loving union of man and a woman who are submitting to each other in the fear of the Lord as they submit to the Lord submitting to each other and it's such a beautiful relationship it's not one above the other it's together like Jesus submitted to the Father it's us submitting to each other as we submit that's exactly right you know kids to look at and go okay well it's very clear here you need to submit to me that is to model your marriage after jabba the hutt we're supposed to follow Jesus to Christ alright we're not pulling the chain to drag laya over we're we're seeking to outdo one another in honor here's Jesus he submitted to the Father and to serve us and so we then in the same way as Jesus did serve each other in fact very clearly one of the most foundational marriage passages in scripture tells us that submission is not just the job of the wife it's the job of the husband and the wife or Ephesians chapter 5 verse 21 look at it it says submitting to one another in the fear of God so what does that look like well as it plays out it plays out through me dwelling with my wife with consideration and treating her with love and gentleness and and for her it's a feel like she's the gracious gift because of the way I treat her just like Christ loved us and cherished us and shed his blood to save us and then as she is treated like that it's a delight and a joy to want to submit but we're both submitting to one another in the fear of God warn where's be really clears that up with that powerful quote we found in his commentary yeah he said if both partners will imitate Jesus Christ in his submission and obedience and his desire to serve others then there will be triumph and joy in the home come on God wants it to be triumph and joy in your home as you seek to love and serve your spouse like Jesus loves and serves you now what that doesn't mean is that there's not occasions where even as you follow Jesus that you're gonna disagree that's gonna happen and when you disagree what you have to do is both go back to God and say God am I being sinful am i being willful in this thing we have seemed to be it in and an impasse and what scripture would show is that if that moment after you both prayed and both sought God and saw wise counsel and checked your heart for selfish motives if you still don't know what to do the Bible says that it's on the man to have that tie-breaking vote and to spiritually lead the home and say hey we both here's where we are and and I'm gonna I'm gonna cast that tie-breaking vote that God gave me because he's gonna hold me accountable for that and guess what in almost 16 years of marriage that has never happened to us one time now it's been about 800 times where I've wanted to do that and not one of them could I walk away and say yeah this is me seeking the Lord and woman you have heard God differently than I have this is me going I'm selfish and petty and wanting my own way but but we crave consensus we both seek to listen to Jesus and serve Him together and outdo one another in submission and serving each other and then this is really cool in studying each other submit and serve and study one another and there's such power in in studying your spouse and learning the things that they love and knowing who they are and and and honestly studying yourself - in the process and really that's that's looking inward and studying okay these are things that I need to grow in these are things that that I need to do studying yeah it's a huge figuring out how each other are wired whether it's your strength finders or Enneagram or spiritual gifts tasks going through growth track would be a great way to really figure that out as you begin to serve each other knowing where the other person's weak cuz he actually pointed out and said to the husband's hey just so you know your wife needs to be extra you need to be extra gracious with her because she's a weaker partner and and err with you of the gracious gift of life so here's the thing now I know the women we here wait a minute weaker hold on let me let me explain a Ferrari is weaker than a Ford f-150 if you're hauling bricks from Home Depot a Ferrari is stronger and a fort is weaker if you're talking about racing across the country I am weaker than Jenni in many areas and Jenni is weaker than me in many areas as we study one another we figure out how the other is weak so that we can serve them and in your home as you recognize there are situations in scenarios where it's Ford V Ferrari all right where you got to figure out how the temperament how the gift how the calling so we can be strong for each other where the other person is weak and vice versa right one of the things that has helped us so much is as we've there's this book called strength finders yep and it tells you like what you're strong in and what you're weakened and we did this six years ago and I wish we would have done it before we got married because it cleared up so much of the struggle because I found out that I'm more about myself that I'm very highly empathetic highly include or very relational Levi is very strategic and visionary and if I would have I feel like if I would have learned that early on I would have realized that God so perfectly connected us together because we need both and knowing that I don't have to feel bad because I'm not more like him and I don't have to resent him because he's not more like me but it's actually a beautiful blend don't put bricks in the back of the Ferrari and don't take the don't take the Ford when you're trying to go to the racetrack you know so just figuring out the the end dialing in and serving each other in those different ways yes Oh God has a care for marriage care for your marriage and a plan for your marriage for us to follow and to live out now we want to give you seven ways to make life and marriage more beautiful and these all are pulled straight from the text all are pulled straight from verses 8 through 12 so a little bit of homework before you go to bed tonight I love for you and your spouse or your datin read them with your your person you're dating maybe not like right after you make out maybe like just maybe just maybe just read this and then today I'll see you tomorrow right like I was just you know first kissing the car thing you know we had to watch out being in the parked car when we were dating remember it was like hey we're trying not to have sex - were married let's not be in parked cars right so so verses 8 through 12 is is a passage where Peter directly quotes from Psalm 34 and Psalm 34 was written in a time of crisis and a time of difficulty in his life and in what he says in verse 8 through 12 we've pulled away 7 things that can help your marriage be and stay beautiful alright so take notes number 1 act like you're on the same team act like you're on the same team because sometimes if we're honest we feel like we're not on the same team and we're not on the same page and we're against each other that's how it feels like that's how it can tend to feel is that we're against each other but when we remember that we're actually on the same team fighting forward together fighting against whatever we're dealing with together that helps with the the unity of of what we go through and I think for us just to remember that we're not against each other or for each other we can actually love each other even when we don't like each other I think that's such a huge thing because so often we come to a point it's usually the little things right it's usually the the little issues that come up that caused the biggest friction but if we can remember that we actually have it in us and God can give us the strength to love each other even when we're not liking each other in the moment that's a huge thing to remember and to act you may not feel like it but act like you're on the same team and if you are then coach each other so when you feel like you have to score cards and you're like this this this this and you remember wait a minute we're on the same team so I want her to be doing better to be doing better in this relationship and the better she's doing is better I'm doing then I'm not gonna withhold information from her team's guard their play books I don't want you to see the secret play it I want you to know about it right you don't get on TV and watch the two soon all right so give them the camera and see what they're doing what they're the what they're calling to each other so so here's the thing in marriage we should be doing that so we on our best days if we're in a fight I'll be doing what I think needs to happen which is help her solve the problem but that's not what she wants to happen so so no she'll call a timeout and go hey I already know the answer probably better than you do just hug me and then back to the fight and I go well that's amazing I just wanted a hug I didn't realize that but but but when you were acting like we're on the same team we're giving each other the Intel that helps them to win in a situation right we're giving each other the assist and we're helping each other win not just ourselves number two don't retaliate compensate how to have a beautiful marriage don't retaliate compensate if we both have a role and both have a part to play and Jenny stops doing her part and she's not loving me not soon to me and I I'm doing my part my tendency is like well then forget it if you're not doing yours well I'm not gonna do mine if you'd had you know the night out last Thursday well then it's my turn for a night out you have the kids or if you bought this then I get to buy that and well that's hot tit for tat that's I for an eye that's Moses that's the Old Testament basically Jesus brought this new thing called grace where when we're not doing our part he doesn't stop loving us he kills the fatted calf when we come home he rejoices over us with singing and dancing so when our marriage is covered with grace I go oh Jenny's not love me I'm gonna give even more love and compensate for all her lack of love that doesn't mean I'm not gonna say hard things and and at times expose how I'm feeling but I'm gonna try and be strong where she's weak I'm not gonna retaliate this will change your relationship I'm gonna compensate with grace this is really hard because if you're going against everything you feel because in the moment you don't want to be lavish and you don't want to give more love you want to retreat you want to hold back you want to not have sex with them that night there there has to be that leaning in and when they're hurting you're leaning and more when they're withdrawn you give more and it just goes against everything that you feel like you want to do but we all know that we don't just go by what we're feeling we go by the truth and we go by what God's asking us to do and calling us to do that's right number three try each other shoes on you know it's an amazing thing how we can write a story in our head about what why they're doing what they're doing is saying what they're saying that isn't accurate but when we actually remember they're dealing with difficult stuff too we love this story of Alan Shepard the first American in space and you you you might not know that he actually flew into space with his urine filling up his space suit because they did everything right building the rocket but forgot to install a bladder for going to the bathroom because it was gonna be such a short flight turns out though with whether he got stuck there on the launch pad for hours and hours and hours and hours so finally he got permission from Houston to relieve himself in the suit and so as the whole world it was somebody one of the most televised things ever watched the whole world watched him fly through space ago what must it be like to be him right now the dude just really had to pee and I think in marriage sometimes we think well they don't they're not thinking of my needs no dude I can't believe they said that how insensitive and it's like yeah but you have no idea what they're walking through so to put their shoes on and go hey when you said this it made me feel this way but is it helped me understand your perspective help me see well really it's some sympathizing and it's having compassion for the other person and that's something even recently we were in a hard discussion and I was really struggling but he opened up and said you know when you do this it makes me feel like this and in a moment I opened my eyes to see like when I do this I'm affecting him in this way and it helps so much that vulnerability vulnerability but it's also so important to know and have that sympathy for each other and not assume that they're out to get us or we're not on the same team but assuming the best and and really wanting to see life through their eyes number four bite your tongue some of the best marriage advice you will ever get worth the price of admission right there Carnegie said Andrew Carnegie said he said if you want to gather honey don't kick over the Beehive a lot of times we want honey but we kick the Beehive verbally so evaluate what do you want and then actually prioritize and and and structure your words to get what you actually want and oftentimes it's not saying that thing that you want to say letting the Holy Spirit lead you that's right number five is stay tender just keeping that softness and sweetness and and going back to the beginning for those of us who've been married for a long time sometimes we have to fight a little bit harder to go back to the beginning going back to our wedding day going back to our wedding night and just remembering like we love each other that's right number six look for beauty it could be so easy to look for the negative I know in my own life it's easy just to see oh he's not doing this he's not doing this he's doing this again but we have to fight to look for the good and to to praise the good and to to honor and to fight for looking for the good things and the beauty in the marriage that coz even if you're struggling right now there's still something that's beautiful in your marriage right now that you can focus on and you can even give to God like we don't have much but we're gonna give you this part that is good protip ladies every man likes to be affirmed and if you praise what you want to see repeated it's like a dog out of Boy I'll you do that again I felt good I liked being praised and and really I say that joking but it really it helps when you identify a victory everyone wants to win and when you let me know that was awesome and you did that I appreciate that I remember that will remember that praise what you want to see repeated look for beauty and the number seven and finally consider yourself and in all this it's so easy to shove the blame or to look at the other person but truly to consider ourselves and where we're at and where we're at with the Lord and in our hearts before him and considering ourselves before we shift any blame to the together get those planks out of our eye so we can see clearly they help the speck out of out of the other person's eye and before you resort to you always and you never and all this is asked to ask and and that's not to say none of this is to say there's not going to be times where you have to really say hard things and walk through difficult waters but just before you go to let them know how they're failing that you ask yourself what's it like to be married to me and what what am i doing well we'll continue this conversation and dialogue tomorrow but let's end with this quick story a man in Nashville Tennessee walked into a thrift store music city thrift shop and there he saw in the corner a bucket of posters rolled up one of them was yellowed and had a patina to it and so he grabbed it and opened it up and it was a replica of the Declaration of Independence obviously not the real thing Nicholas Cage has that one and he saw the sticker on it said it was 2 dollars and 48 cents so he bought it and brought it home and some friends were over one day and saw it and said bro that thing looks like super old you might want to like get it to an antique road show thing or whatever it doesn't look like a replica it looks like old parchment because it's not the Declaration of Independence it's at the Smithsonian bro good I don't know just my two cents get it checked out we did turns out it was not the Declaration of Independence but it was one of only 200 original copies that were made by John Quincy Adams in 1820 so that they might be spread throughout the entire nation as a reminder of freedom that ranked fourth he was able to sell this replica for four hundred and seventy seven thousand dollars when the story broke on the news in Nashville a man who was a pipe fitter by trade named Stan caffee saw the televised coverage of the discovery Stan caffee a little bit about Emmy in his spare time tinkered with bicycles in his garage and for nearly 10 years adorning the wall of his bicycle shop he had interestingly enough a copy of the Declaration of Independence until he got married and his new wife said we need to go through you packrat and get rid of some of this junk and as they picked things up one after the other they finally came to the duplicate of the Declaration and he said keep her get rid of it she said get rid of it so he did he donated it to music city thrift shop and Nashville Tennessee I have to take away truce and then we're done number one is stan caffee will probably have a pretty good case to never throw anything away for the rest of his life remember last time but I guess the second and most appropriate for us to consider is for 10 years he had a treasure in his house and he didn't even know it Wow let's not get to heaven let's not get to the end and be informed what a treasure we had in our own home because God has given you a beautiful one-of-a-kind thing called your marriage and this beauty let me tell you it's in the eye of the beholder so God opened our eyes to see what you see not the marriage that is today but the marriage that could be should be and by your grace will be yes we pray this in Jesus mighty name amen come on really give it up for these guys is that good stuff here so it's biblical it's practical I'll pull across a little bit yeah come on join us at our little pub table goodness look at me speaking Irish with the tartan on tonight everybody yeah oh there would be pride love your mom okay so here it was a temple coffee today that's like temple in Ireland yeah cool what's that call it Temple Bar this is definitely a soul together good serve coffee there is it Wow just the Guinness hallelujah and I've got a mention Conor McGregor everybody I got we gotta get to their questions and you've been talking biblically practically and we've got some questions here that are very practical a nice easy one to start with this was the first one gentle really what do you do when your spice is completely opposite from you in every way and you don't like who they are you love them but can't stand them clearly this is a blue yolks couple clearly it's cozy I would never be granted bay crying perfect marriages here okay so yeah well yeah I would love you Jenny says I would say what originally attracted you in the first place something was there you you you out of all the people on this earth you picked each other so there was originally something so start there go with that build on that and opposites attract me there's that there's something to that God didn't create every animal the same he created two of all these different kinds of animals that came on the ark and all all the rest cuz he's into personality and differences so I think that God has you if you can learn to appreciate your spouse's differences and know that together you're meant to be a lethal force for the kingdom and what she's strong out your weak out and vice versa so if you can get those things in the right direction it can be a it can be a threat to the devil well yeah I mean Levi and I are so different and I so many times we could see just the differences but I mean I would probably I would bounce the question back on you what about you do you do you think your spouse hates or but is bugged by and I think it goes both ways like you can see all the different all the hard stuff all the difficulty all the annoyances all the frustrations but when you put that back on yourself it's kind of like the plank thing that Levi was talking about not plank like exercise plank but like the plank in your own eye versus trying to let me get that speck out of your eye but here you have this huge thing that you're dealing with Arkin China off the dresser with your plank sticking out your eye when you when you look inward that changes so much and honestly I would just say ask God to help you see them through his eyes yeah because he's he or she they're a child of God and there's something about them that's beautiful even if all you see is the hard stuff yeah and you know don't forget too that what you prayed for the answer for is in your difficult situation with this person meaning the Bible says that iron sharpens iron so a knife can't sharpen itself you need something else grading against it so you know you might look at your spouse and go gosh I want a different marriage God wants you to have a different marriage just for the same person and they're the mechanism by which you become different okay so when you look at the friction the rubbing like Jenny and I every difficulty everything we're just reflecting the car today every hard time at every fight as we've chosen through repentance and chosen through running toward each other and not fighting again big thing we're gonna fight we're gonna work this out let's just hey kids staying in the room like we're gonna deal with this right now every new level as a company has been accompanied by a boost in enjoyment a boost in an embassy it was like almost like we faced the boss at the end of a level and now we get to go to you know level 1.7 and it really is like that and we're stronger and we're better for and we see we've if there's anything I can say we see the fights coming a little bit better and know how to make the right choices and and and and circumvent some difficult days I'm sure spiritual sort shortcuts but your wife is meant to be a means of which your your sanctified and vice versa so you prayed for patience you pray to go closer to God hey your prayer has been heard and now let the scraping cause you become sharper come on that's a good answer everybody yeah good answer so next one is what is your wisdom for opposite sexual desires and love languages good what do you think like well no like when your love languages don't line up right I know it's from Kelly Harlow no oh sorry I'm not meant to read I love you Curt I think it comes back to the point study by studying your spouse when you're honest about your desires and you're asking where these things are coming from if it's being fueled by pornography obviously there can be a pervert and a distorting and and you can get off true you know there's the thing called true north and there's this thing called magnetic north and it's different you know there can be a pull on the compass tour if you follow what you think is right you actually end up somewhere where you don't want to be and I think our culture can warp our sexual desire so being honest with each other and and and knowing like okay hey I want to study you you're gonna Jesus gave some really great sex advice it's more blessed to give than to receive and when you give pleasure and don't make the goal receiving pleasure you actually in the end receive far more pleasure and so by studying your spouse and being honest about you you were your desires and what what whether you're fulfilled or not and being open about that you'd be surprised your spouse actually wants to please you too so I think it what calls for is honest vulnerability and also vulnerability is the key to intimacy so as you're communicating I mean intimacy is an overflow of what's happening in your relationship and tomorrow in our session we will give some of our best sexual advice honestly so come back tomorrow all the guys have just set their alarms all hey I think girls like sex like sex - yeah it's awesome it's great he's blushing look at that Irish face girls of course amazing the next one is such a good one cuz it's to do with the world that we live in today in a first Mary's putting your spice before your kids isn't that hard but how do you do this in a blended family without all the kids resenting the new step parent yes it's a great question with I would say with counselling with prayer Jenny and I have a marriage counselor and it is one of the best things we ever did to get a marriage counseling preventative ly not waiting till it's like oh my god we're hanging in by the tiniest thread but having it as a preventative thing a preventative tools like getting oil changes and the belts tuned up on your car you know when we're able to talk to a marriage counselor and one thing we did learn was don't do your marriage counseling on date night and don't do those check-ins and hard conversations on date night all that stuff swirling around in your mind yeah it's probably better to go to God and like journal and not just go straight it wasn't so much me it was more a friend of mine because with me well look the Ford Ferrari thing a guy kid to go to counseling and be like tell me about your worst darkest day of your life you know here it is like oh my god that's awful that could be a horror movie yeah it's pretty bad alright what's for dinner you know and we're a girl because of the someone told us one time that men are like waffles women are like spaghetti waffles have little zones spiders in here serpents in here spaghetti it's like whoa you're pulling one things like why did that connect to that like I don't know it's all yeah so I would say that's alway a way to plug counseling and and community and prayer and it's not a one-size-fits-all and it's not like baking cookies and when you have multiple families step situations custody issues you know you have you have a lot of dynamic to at play and we will talk tomorrow about some of the safeguards to it so they can be strength as in the midst of really complicated things but you know God's not afraid of a challenge so you know he's also doesn't he defies statistics and he one time was impossible there was this one time he was dead you know and I think also I mean from experience in my in my family I've divorce and remarriage and my side of the family but I've seen just when the step parent doesn't include the kids there's resentment but I think the more when you're married some marrying someone who has kids you're also you're you're marrying into this family and you're bringing these kids and so the more that you can involve them and make it special for them and I love your mom and I want to marry her let's let's let's do something like I think that changes the game versus you coming in and asking them to marry you and then you're surprising everyone and everyone's mad and no one understands and but I think the more there's just that communication and that honoring the kids and I never weaponizing the kids tell your dad it's like oh my gosh like just just and and so I think as you follow the holy spirit and and and prayerfully also don't forget like over time gradually that compound interest like you were saying that cultivation you just watch what it could become and what down the road it could be and and and so just watch what God will do is what I would say great answer last question is simply this what is the one thing everyone's looking for one thing but if you had to narrow it down get it to priorities what is the one thing every Christian couple should make sure they do to have a successful marriage come to the session tomorrow now you can give an answer I was just I know one thing that's so hard I'm such a variety person needing all the difference spaghetti it always connected I think honestly having fun laughing like not taking yourself so seriously taking your role seriously but not taking yourself so seriously and just enjoying each other yeah yeah I would my interview time you know a marriage is a great marriage spelled T IME you know you can't you can't grow in any friendship without spending time together and you can become a stranger under the roof you know maybe my second piece what I would say would be especially when your kids are young it's really hard to fight for date night when the kids are crying you know don't go like look we were at 4:30 this morning I pickup was 6:00 for the airport our daughter clover Jenny was on the peloton I was lifting weights our daughter clover came in and crying don't go don't go on the trip every time we live on a preaching trip she cries and it's very hard and you know we have we had a a daughter pass away on a date night and that was very hard to get back in the rhythms of regular date nights because we were out on a date night and literally we had a child died and so it was very hard you know we knew but we knew this the best thing we could do for our kids would be to show a strong healthy marriage for each other because we're showing them that there's gonna be a man that's gonna love you like I love your mother and is gonna give a sense of stability and strength and so as you say clover we love you so much is why we're going back tomorrow it stabilizes her and gives us strength so I would say prioritize the time to work on the relationship I joked earlier about mama ain't happy ain't no unhappy but you're your home life your kids like all of that that's meant to be generations wringing out will only be as strong as your marriage so you're doing a disservice to pull Billie in between you two if a child is sleeping in your bed I would challenge you passed orally there should be things happening in your bed that would scar your child for life yeah I was gonna say that give him the boot that's another boot sleep naked give them the boot oh but my child will get a complex yeah a complex called sleeping in their own bed that's good advice you can have a worse complex if you stop having an intimate relationship and you know so that's our two cents yeah well I would say that you have lots of sex and if there isn't lots of sex happening then I feel like that's an indicator that there's there is something there is an issue and so I think you know giddyup so hey before you go get in sixty Seconds tell everyone about tomorrow morning just give them a tease on that this can be great best thing ever let's go back home and write to talk for tomorrow Jennifer I know we're gonna be talking specifically about a little bit more about the Donna's coming aspect of what do we do when there are real tremendous difficulties and what are some of the things we can do in our lives preventive ly in our marriages in our homes to give us a great sense of strength going forward into the difficult things that will face in marriage in life yeah it's wonderful come on put your hands together for them I'm for pasta curd [Applause]

Channel: Bayside Church

Views: 4,541

Rating: 4.9534883 out of 5

Keywords: Bayside Church, Ray Johnston, Hope, Love, Marraige, Levi Lusko, Jennie Lusko

Id: gJZjM0kC4FM

Length: 64min 39sec (3879 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 05 2020