Desi Lydic Foxsplains EVERYTHING | The Daily Show

[Music] so recently there's been a ridiculous debate about whether america is a racist country biden wants us to unite behind the idea that america is a racist country many on the left believe that america is an evil racist country that's the messaging at this point the american people are racist that is a lie absolutely absurd liberals would a racist country have a black history month well i've been watching fox news for 358 hours straight and i'm ready to do some foxplaning show me in the history books where america has been racist okay not the first 98 of the book but the end of the book near the glossary i'll tell you what's racist how come there's never been a white woman on the cover of oprah's magazine how can america be racist if it was the liberals who fired a hard-working black woman from her job as a syrup bottle this is the country of african-american legends martin luther king jr rosa parks macklemore if our country is racist how do you explain that i have been kicked out of whole foods more than any black person ever has and i'll tell you what the most racist people are the democrats like joe biden who want to start teaching critical race theory in our beautiful public schools critical race theory is not appropriate for our kids to learn teaching kids to hate their country and to hate each other this revisionist woke curriculum you are not going to do this to our children now you might be wondering what is critical race theory all i know is we cannot have critical race theory in our schools hey woke mom stop canceling things that you don't agree with and start canceling things that i don't agree with like the 1619 project when you take the six out of the 16-19 what you got we need to get back to the traditional school subjects math rivers mitochondria books that aren't about wizards and of course the nice things that christopher columbus did instead our children are being brainwashed with this racist anti-racist critical race theory is it just me or should have children not be learning any theory at all hey einstein get back to me when you figure out the facts of relativity think about it why do our kids have nap time so the teachers can woke them up i don't think so principal kaepernick while the other kids are napping my child will be reciting the pledge of allegiance for 20 minutes straight no blinking woke history healthy lunches sober pta meetings where does it end i'll tell you where with your child getting accepted to be brainwashed at an elite ivy league university i mean what parent wants your kid going to princeton just like everything you have to ask yourself who stands to benefit from this huh who stands to benefit from the end of racism black people so there you go so i say thank you to the brave republicans who are not afraid to stand up to the democrats and proclaim that america is not a racist country because otherwise our kids are going to be learning this from the loony left i don't think america's racist no i don't think america is a racist country anthony bouchy is a vegan leprechaun president joe biden has been in office for two months and has already racked up an astounding 37 658 scandals why is joe biden still wearing a mask he's been vaccinated he can't discuss our policy in the pacific without reading notes that his handlers gave to him the biden white house has erased literally erased dr seuss red state's firing back after accusing them of neanderthal thinking biden's affection is totally real it's in no way part of a slick pr campaign devised by cynical consultants determined to hide the president's senility unfortunately the comma lame stream media isn't picking any of this up well i've been watching fox news for 153 hours straight so i can give you the lowdown on what's already considered to be the most corrupt presidency in the history of the united states if you thought obama wearing that tan suit was disgraceful and jesus knows i did where do you get a load of this let's take stock of joe biden's america dr seuss illegal dr fauci promoted dr scholl's so comfy dr quinn medicine woman hasn't been on tv since 1998. is this the country we want to leave to our estranged children we got shrimp in our cereal but eating steak is banned fourth of july is canceled but aoc's birthday is a day off if you're not angry get angry i'm angry 24 7 and i've never been happier joe biden tripped walking up the stairs on air force one not a single impeachment hearing does the 38th amendment not matter anymore it's a false flag people guess what biden refuses to lower that flag to half-mast he doesn't know who he is he won't talk to the press his dog major fit the johnson straight off of dr seuss cancelled him right in the gonads not one single story on cnn here's a fact grenade you won't read in the new york slimes joe biden's dog is now the leading cause of death in america do you know what it was when donald trump was president there wasn't one zero deaths in four years and you don't want this man to have a second third and fourth term open the schools joe if my children are gonna learn the wob choreography uh they're not gonna do it over zoom joe biden goes to delaware every weekend and get this delaware doesn't even have a mar-a-lago days in office 63 number of times biden has done an hour-long interview with sean hannity about how much he loves a deranged pillow salesman zero joe biden knows exactly what he's doing also he has no idea what he's doing think about it but not too hard thinking is illegal unless it's woke joe biden isn't the president kamala is the president which makes joe biden the vice president and do you know who that makes the president hunter biden's laptop joe how many rocks do i have to throw at your window to make you care about the american people i'd be in jail right now if kamala and harris hadn't defunded the police so buy green eggs and ham hello green new deal goodbye cat in the hat hello cat in a mask go the places you'll go joe biden won't do a press conference he hates the media how sick is that wait i hate the media oh my god do i love joe biden so there you have it joe biden's scandalous regime foxplaned first lady's a hologram i've been watching fox news for 64 hours straight and i think i know everything about kamala harris so kamala harris is a radical communist senator from california she's going to turn the entire country into san francisco i hope you like couscous because it's going to be the only legal side dish they want you to think caramel harris is mainstream but the truth is she's a radical socialist vegemite hell dean she attended socialism university and majored in aboriginal ban assault weapons from hospitals and make it legal for immigrants to play in the nfl you want to know something else about campbell sue paris she has never once clapped when the airplane lands in this country we stand and applaud for our jet blue pilot guess what else calamari harrison supports the green new deal you have a car well guess what you're gonna be forced to put one of those coexist stickers on there you're not fooling anybody alexandria okama cortez seems so angry i mean what the hell is she so angry about i hate angry women why has she still not released obama's college transcripts what is her skin care routine what does she think about the minion how can we trust candelabra harris she's a cop who wants to defund the police meaning she would stop existing because she eats money to survive she is half indian and half jamaican so say goodbye to drinking beer at a football game and say hello to sipping a mango lassi at a bobsled competition actually it sounds really good forget i said anything [Music] hansel culture it's the number one problem facing america today but what is cancel culture well i've been watching nothing but fox news for 72 hours straight and i'm ready to fox blame cancel culture [Music] okay cancel culture it's political correctness plus discrimination multiplied by woke millennial shame monster if you don't hold the right opinions you're cancelled if you don't vote for the right candidate you're cancelled if you own two thousand slaves and murder thousands of native americans well apparently we can't name an elementary school after you anymore where does it end the leftist mob has canceled so many great american heroes andrew jackson roseanne barr the fire festival guy stimpy from ren and stimpy my dog probably i haven't seen him in a week the radical left is out of control first it's confederate statues next it's a statue of liberty pretty soon they're going to make an all-female reboot of ghostbusters what what thought police politically correct godaddy commercials gender neutral olive garden a 10-year prison sentence for listening to ignition if joe biden gets to appoint supreme court justices you better believe that's coming hot and fresh out the kitchen here's the statue you can tear down i'd hold up my middle finger but it's broken i get medical attention for it but my hospital is named after you guessed it vegan cinemax channels safe spaces for birds trigger warnings on sudoku puzzles transgender roombots what happened to the america of john wayne and ty cobb they want to rename our military bases tear down mount rushmore and change our national anthem to bootylicious well here's a message to the looters and instigators i will never salute beyonce's ass even if it is a national monument if the liberal left wants to cancel something why don't they start by canceling my membership to planet fitness i've tried but it's really hard barry weiss barry bonds is barry on hbo gonna be cancelled someone answer me okay that about sums up what cancel culture is thanks for watching everyone oh and goya beans are protected by the sixth and so basically rudy giuliani obtained hunter biden's laptop and the contents are so explosive i threw my phone into oncoming traffic get this hunter biden is communicating with known criminals from his email address corruption jury ukrainian money dot scam and he's hitting up all the big time oligarchs vladimir putin jonathan burisma anthony faucikov liza minnelli he's making deals despite not even graduating from the third grade here's what we know in 2015 hunter biden aka hunter pelosi bin laden made 15 trillion dollars by investing in a chinese planned parenthood one year later hunter makes an additional 19 billion dollars from a russian satellite dish he's living on a yacht under the name dawn mexico he hooks up with mary mcchees of moscow start the hedge fund with you guessed it hillary hussein clinton check the hungarian bank accounts check robert mueller's secret tick tock account check that receipt for cheese poppers from the applebee's at kiev airport all this evidence and yet i'm the one getting my house repossessed that's the real malarkey and by the way did you know that malarkey is mandarin for i will ban fracking let's take a step back for a second you don't think it's fishy that hunter biden is sending texts to his dad my kids haven't returned my text in years mommy loves you she just wants to warn you about adam schiff's pedophile ring slash casual burrito restaurant last week georgia passed a new election law in response to joe biden's victory over actual president trump and then all heck broke loose is it time for american conservatives to cancel sports they will certainly strike out with their predominantly conservative viewership let's not call it coca-cola anymore let's call them woca-cola how many black people have died in the last hundred years from diabetes caused by coca-cola products they want to boycott us why don't we boycott them confused well i've been watching fox news for one week straight with no bathroom breaks and i'm ready to explain what the fake news is too fake to tell you so we all remember what happened in georgia during the 2020 election ballots slingshot into volcanoes voting machines made by antifa foot soldiers and reports of one georgia man changing outfits and potentially casting thousands of votes hello so in response to these issues the georgia legislature passed a law to make the elections process easier safer more republican faster illegal in atlanta and other common sense bipartisan ideas this is just the way the founders intended us to vote step one get an id step two go to your local elections office conveniently open between 9am and 902 a.m step 3 solve a series of ancient riddles in order to receive a ballot application step four look there are 19 more steps we've all read the constitution but for some reason the commucrats are soiling their vegan underpanties just because it's now illegal to pass out bottled water to people who are waiting in line for nine hours to vote oh so voters in line need water but somehow it's illegal for matt gates to wine and dine a 17 year old camels go nine hours without water all the time and you can't oh no don't give it the woke mob will tell you that george's election law is designed to stop black people from voting but can you even prove that black people exist i haven't even seen one in my entire life and now corporations think that they can act like people for some unclear reason and they're protesting too coca-cola delta microsoft are all speaking out against this beautiful law i know three things one conservatives are pro-business two conservatives are pro freedom of speech and three conservatives need to destroy these businesses for opening their mouths you thought major biden was bad for this country major league baseball moved the all-star game out of atlanta mlb is just blm backwards hey corporations here's a simple rule stay out of politics but stay involved in making our country better by giving money to mitch mcconnell you know what we need to boycott them all the mlb the nfl pbs cpr the next time someone tries to give you the heimlich maneuver you tell them to buzz off right before you lose consciousness you better believe that if i were still allowed on commercial flights i'd be boycotting the hell out of delta the cancel culture crowd is about to learn what happens when you try to cancel the cancel cancelers you get cancellated [Music] no [Music] well surprise surprise the do-nothing democrats are trying to steal this election ice agents found thousands of trunk boats floating in the ariana grande the states that are still out arizona pennsylvania nevada georgia put them all together as panbaja what is azpan baja the ukrainian milk company who's the chairman of the board hunter [ __ ] biden pennsylvania isn't even a state it's a common wealth common plus wealth count the votes stop the count count the stop hop on pop ilhan ocasio-omar voted 53 times in marietta georgia they gave pens to democrats and made republicans fill out their ballots with the sharpie smells like dead people voting to me breaking news rudy giuliani found 50 000 trump votes in a goody bag from adam schiff's bar mitzvah the more cases the more counting the more testing the more ballots has anyone seen anthony fauci and nate silver in the same room one two three four five stop counting 77 78 79 80. stop the number you

Channel: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

Views: 842,166

Keywords: the daily show, trevor noah, daily show with trevor noah, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, noah trevor, trevor noah latest episode, daily show, trevor, news, politics, fox news, desi lydic, desi lydic foxpslains, foxsplained, biden, joe biden, trump, donald trump, mitch mcconnell, critical race theory, kamala harris, hunter biden

Id: _CEa2kUQ9mk

Length: 14min 50sec (890 seconds)

Published: Sat May 29 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Blue_Eyed_ME]

I'm a technology dunce who hasn't yet figured out how to post images/screenshots, but I can copy and paste a url! This collection of Desi's best FoxSplaining sounds so much like Q-ranting that I thought y'all would enjoy.