Desi Lydic’s Top 10 Moments | The Daily Show

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] what's so wrong about tap water so tap water has a lot of synthetic things like fluoride and chloramine oh my god fluoride we put fluoride in the water to prevent tooth decay these are great public health achievements okay so fluoride is good no fluoride makes people more docile it's a mind control drug the government is controlling our minds with fluoride they could be oh [ __ ] what mind control drugs that sounds like something someone would say who's being controlled by the mind i don't understand what the i don't even understand the question i mean this guy is a charlatan who's part of a whole anti-science movement but if fluoride being a government-induced mind control drug is anti-science where's live water getting all these science-y charts and evidence there's a lot of evidence to support that if you just go to the third page of google the third page of google that's where it really makes sense when you say evidence do you mean conspiracy theory it's not a conspiracy if it's true you know 9 11 i think we all know what really happened there what really happened there let's go to the third page of google okay so i did but the only thing i discovered about 911 is that it's ludicrous birthday and the only thing i discovered about live water is that holy [ __ ] how much does this cost two and a half gallon glass jugs are twenty two dollars each and then twelve to sixteen dollars per jug so basically it's like the cost of a bottle of water and then lighting 28 on fire [Music] [Applause] we grew up playing this golf course this is a place where i wanted to establish my career and let my kids grow up but you know you can't have a golf course with only three holes three holes are only good for one thing you know we'd have to talk about sex sorry you were talking about yeah if trump builds his wall we would lose everything completely right i just don't think it's fair which is why jeremy is tirelessly speaking out against trump's number one policy as one of the wall's victims he never could have seen it coming i actually voted for president trump you voted for trump yes ma'am he did i think trump truly cares about the american people and what he campaigned on is is stuff i believe and and agreed with except for the destroying your business part except for the destroying the business part and just felt like it was time for something different oh my god why are you complaining he is literally doing the thing that you voted for you know trump is a salesman you know so we i figured it was a metaphorical wall you thought he was talking about a metaphorical wall right not an actual physical wall that is the dumbest thing i've ever heard didn't trump say it will be a real war a real war just maybe once or twice july 2nd 2015 we must build a wall july 28 2015 we must have a wall june 6 2015 nobody can build a wall like trump august 5th 2014 build a wall november 19th 2015. we need a big and beautiful wall august 30th 2016 i saw another one from day one i said i was going to build a great wall on the southern border august 25th 2015 it's not a fence jeb it's a wall you think those were all metaphors [Applause] [Music] how is a sex robot really any different from like a vibrator or a dildo on top of a life-size cardboard cut out of wolf blitzer say hypothetically well if we were just talking about objects that you rubbed on your genitals we wouldn't be having this conversation you don't need to buy an expensive doll to do this you can use all kinds of things eggplants yes pillows good old-fashioned subway seat a cheese grater but it's still not sex with another person a city bike what we're being offered it's a degrading dehumanized commercial product is basically telling people that women are reducible to dolls ew she's right sex bots could change men's view on women the same way pornography has and i have to say i for one am disgusted with the continual objectification of women we're making male versions as well you have a male robot oh my god that's that one you said this one's taken yes i was starting to see how some people could find the idea of a sex spot appealing there are a lot of people out there who might be lonely and this is a different way to experience companionship he had a point not everyone's a people person if someone wants to bang a robot who are we to judge aren't there some perks to sex robots not generally no you don't think so i mean you can sit on them if you want you can do those kind of things sorry what else can you do with it you could tie their hair up in a ponytail if it's got a wig you can play soft music in the background caress their rubber hands and you know you can put a blindfold on it and you can make it wear a tank top you can do all those things but you're still masturbating yes you are it's something you're having exclusively with yourself for your own pleasure and i think the consequence of that is the end of humanism you really know how to be a buzzkill don't you [Applause] [Music] so who likes football i don't watch football anymore he hasn't watched football all year long you watch football all year because i don't like what's going on the news with the kaplan the kneeling yes don't like it you don't like it not at all i disagree it was time to work my magic okay so you say that you disagree yes okay this is the point of the conversation where you need to connect you're really going to let someone kneeling before the football game stop you from watching the entire game the entire thing that doesn't make any sense just don't watch them kneeling to civilize um i think it's going great i really feel that this family is responsive to the techniques that i've shown them i think david would feel very proud of the way that i'm handling this i put the tv on and i watched this kid kneel down i shut it off i don't want to watch him just like let him kneel who cares they're like making a statement it's a peaceful protest okay very good very good very good you actually just did all four steps in one statement you were reflecting on what was happening here you asked for help you were connecting with me and you were expanding on an idea all four [Applause] what's so happy about it's a scary time for men right now men men just men well there's always next year [Music] [Applause] hi my name is desi uh it's been three days since i checked my ex-boyfriend's instagram account i was seamlessly blending in so would any of you girls actually join boy scouts no what do you like about being a girl scout you don't have to worry about like being embarrassed or anything because you're with your sisterhood girl scouts i'm glad you brought that up because i was the one that just farted so thank you for giving me the support to be able to share that with you it was clear they provided a safe space but in order to get the full girl scout experience i needed to earn some badges today we're going to show you guys how to build some small robots is everyone excited yeah yes she's pretty old to be a girl scout i don't really think she understands what the building of the robot is for are we building the the ryan gosling bot from blade runner um no can we just start building the bot yeah let's do that um everybody want to open their so i didn't get my robotics badge or my mountain climbing badge or archery badge or this manipulating dna badge jesus there are a lot of badges to get so i did what i had to do it's really neat what troop are you in yeah it's crazy i guess they just saw some leadership skills in the information apparently in girl scouts shortcuts are frowned upon but i had one last chance to redeem myself by participating in some easy peasy rope games that holy [ __ ] okay i got this i've been to target on a saturday i can do anything i don't need luck when i have skill why does it have to be so hard through relentless and borderline annoying encouragement these girls showed me what it meant to be part of a strong female-led organization and i was ready to lead oh hi oh okay oh whoa so cool one of the cool things about girl scouts is that it's always evolving so you can create your own activities and reward yourself with your own badges so uh this one is my vajazzling badge for arts and crafts this is not crying during blow talks and for not getting pregnant again [Applause] trevor this is so frustrating after a century of teasing they bring us to the point of ratification and then say it's not the right time i guess women finally know what it's like to have blue balls [Music] desi i can totally understand your frustration what i don't understand is why are you black and white well i could ask you the same question trevor but i won't i won't because it's racist no no desi i mean i mean why are you in black and white like you you look like you're in the 1920s because trevor i feel like i'm in the 1920s women don't have equality nazis are back in the news i've even got a case of the measles and yeah maybe it's because i'm on an anti-vaxxer dating site but we're gonna say i like the bad boys no no desi desi come on i know men and women are still not on the level playing field but you don't have to be in the 1920s no it's fine trevor i'm actually over the moon about living in the 1920s style the glitz the glam all that jazz i'm even learning the charleston hey dude the charleston aight jessie that's that's not the charleston no i think it is i don't think it is and yes yes america's moving slowly toward equality but but i don't think that's any reason to give up desi i don't care anymore trevor it's too depressing even female amendments get ignored after they turn 35. i don't care if it is prohibition this gal needs a drink no desi don't drink out of a shoe what are you doing oh relax trevor it's not my shoe [Music] the basic idea of time is really just an agreement we all have to come together to decide when 10 am is and that agreement shouldn't kill people my time is in agreement what even is time when is time who is time why is time what uh can i go now the deeper i traveled into daylight saving the deeper i got lost and what time even was time is a construct right right time is it's now it's before it's later later i'm i'm in their past but it's my future future and if some states change the clocks in arizona doesn't could space and time invert on themselves who are you better question is when am i future me yeah i'm you during daytime save light time hold on a second this is me in an hour yeah this whole changing the clocks thing is really [ __ ] up who just locked the clocks this whole thing would never happen ah yes the mcfly paradox i knew exactly what to ask me [Music] you know 69 yeah okay [Music] [Applause] he's been hit with charges after pictures in this video showing him handling an alligator which he posted were seen by law enforcement a real name jordan bedford but i go by the alligator man okay um alligator man what's the common factor among all florida men we all different well i'm different from the rest because i do the wrong thing in the right way if that makes sense no no see you're not from florida so you don't understand my language what i'm talking right now but i do i do the wild things anything you think of i'll probably do it like i said anything anything i catch gators anything anything well not anything but basically anything when it comes to the reptile animals mainly the alligators though wait like here in florida you're not allowed to catch an alligator i mean i didn't know that before but i know not i just had a little fun put them on the leash and dance with the last one they seen what kind of dancing did you do with the alligator the alligator man dance you gotta kick your feet spell alligator in the sand as you're dancing as you're going around you spelling alligator and you end it with the stump the alligator man got a commercial too you have a commercial they got a commercial you got a theme song everybody seemed like that net name it's the alligator man that is 100 the mcdonald's jingle what's the alligator man's on now i see what you're saying about doing the wrong thing in the right way and how it works it worked where do you find alligators in florida if there's a lake there's a gator i promise you that's so that's everywhere there's gators everywhere these chairs are very hard to get up out of she gone [Applause] i've been watching fox news for 64 hours straight and i think i know everything about kamala harris so kamala harris is a radical communist senator from california she's going to turn the entire country into san francisco i hope you like couscous because it's going to be the only legal side dish they want you to think caramel harris is mainstream but the truth is she's a radical socialist vegemite hell dean she attended socialism university and majored in aboriginal ban assault weapons from hospitals and make it legal for immigrants to play in the nfl you want to know something else about campbell sue paris she has never once clapped when the airplane lands in this country we stand and applaud for our jetblue pilot and guess what else calamari harrison supports the green new deal you have a car well guess what you're gonna be forced to put one of those coexist stickers on there you're not fooling anybody alexandria okama cortez she just seems so angry i mean what the hell is she so angry about i hate angry women why has she still not released obama's college transfers what is her care routine what does she think about the minion how can we trust candelabra harris she's a cop who wants to defund the police meaning she would stop existing because she eats money to survive she is half indian and half jamaican so say goodbye to drinking beer at a football game and say hello to sipping a mango lassi at a bobsled competition actually it sounds really good forget i said anything [Music] [Applause] 34. two forty four dollars oh great so while your little girl is learning how to walk she'll also learn how to navigate the system that's exploiting her sorry these are two children snorkels eight eighty four 22 for the pink so women literally have to pay more to breathe sorry 28 women's diapers for 15.98 but the men get 32 diapers for the same amount of money this is why i stopped pooping [Music] and just like me this system is full of [ __ ] how can women afford to live in this world if the man's version is cheaper then just buy that one yeah sure if you think about it it's just one extra step and a series of extra steps that women take every day to thrive in a man's world like how we get up a little extra early every morning to put on an outfit that looks professional yet accessible but not too accessible because we don't want to be taken advantage of or how we walk an extra five blocks to work so that we can avoid the construction zone because men like to tell us to smile more and when we get to work we want to make our voices heard but in a way that's helpful and strong without being overbearing or shrill you know we do all of this without even an ounce of resentment because resentment causes wrinkles and society does not value aging women [Music] is there a men's wrinkle cream that you can recommend yes there are several i'm sure it costs less maybe a little there's got to be a better solution i'm introducing the pink tax repeal act we have got to get the federal government to protect women from this gross discrimination that's right speer is ready to give the pink tax some blue balls but why stop there i think there has to be an outrage women should say why is this more this is discrimination i'm going to call corporate got it be outraged make our voices heard take it into our own hands until the repeal the pink tax act gets passed i'm gonna make up for all the [ __ ] we've already paid for with the help of my little pink friend [Music] perfect giving women their money back one item at a time we'll call it desi's dick tax strong enough for a man but priced just for her [Music] you

Channel: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

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Keywords: the daily show, trevor noah, daily show with trevor noah, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, noah trevor, trevor noah latest episode, daily show, trevor, news, politics, desi lydic, desi lydic comedy, desi lydic daily show, pink tax, arizona, kamala harris, president biden, joe biden, foxsplains, florida, racism, robots, best of desi lydic

Id: pWO6kVno8GQ

Length: 18min 50sec (1130 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 09 2021