David Spade | Club Random with Bill Maher

love random I always want to see you more but you're so rare you make yourself so rare what are you doing so important yeah you're so rare what are you doing you have to be so rare you don't never come out with like like all those Comics why you never do you know what's funny is we're not with me two things I come by this freaking Street when I used to live up here for 15 years so I know the street back and forth and uh so I didn't know you lived here um other than that that's a great story we use that as a clip and uh yeah and when I saw you in Hawaii uh people don't know people to the people at home uh you do a show in Hawaii and then yeah last year this was the last it last night hold the plug you did the first year of uh comics on board it was so great you and Jeff Ross oh yeah yeah yeah it was 2014 I think is that what it was oh yeah I believe it was really fun because you know your your friend group of um yeah it's the coolest guy ah Woody's funny great Sean Penn Eddie on that trip and the crew I take I mean it was 12 years I did it was great and I got to spend time with people like you and Jeff like I never would because I don't know what are you doing why you hide where are you shy while you look you know what it is you're with girls right so Coquette how did you get to be you know you're like the Pete Davidson of your generation you're right you kind of are yeah like the guy everybody goes wow how did he get all those girls it's always how it's so horrible it always starts with how no one can figure out the [ __ ] Rubik's Cube it doesn't always start with a house sometimes it starts with water I remember uh one of them uh said I had a big Wang and some energy you and people like oh and I go you know she's just saying this because people like are baffled so it's just to make up something like oh but what is it expected stand outside yourself yeah and what would you say it is um like if you have to actually answer that okay push in um I'm gonna do a long speech the thing about me that's weird so I uh well you know if you can't get them on the uh Great Looks Department which drives me crazy because I would rather be better looking if I could but I think if not you know we're all Comics I don't think it would help any of us to be like stunning uh I'm not including you in that um but you know what I mean like we have a sense of humor but I will say when people say they like a sense of humor it's kind of like music it's a little general so you have to find a girl that likes your sense of humor because right there's so many different types of comics yep and they can say I love comedy and they can list three Comics you don't think they're funny right exactly so or these movies you go so or you say great that's exactly so I I like girls that are obviously attractive to me but I also like when they're kind of light and funny and they don't have to be hilarious but they just have like a charmer I have to find you hilarious and they have to find me hilarious yeah you don't care they're hilarious yeah yeah no but it is wonderful to be with a girl who actually does make you laugh yeah I mean I really have experienced that and it's and again it's like how do I put this not as much as we do it yeah exactly there's a certain perfect amount sure and it works for them too because they're not Comics right not that and we're not always on either just they have a lightness to them or they kind of see the world like you do it's just and they get the joke yeah they get the jokes some people don't get the jokes and they have to leave immediately you know what I mean I met a girl that was from Ukraine and I go there's a toddle in town someone's old joke I go Ukraine uh okay and she was they have a seriousness built in and uh from that area and uh everything got quiet but uh you know Ukraine well it's just but but people like that and then she's talking to me and I realized that the point was everything I say or even throw away Joe even just mildly it's it does it's not clicking and that's that ultimately will be this is not partly because of the language problem it is partially that and it's not their fault really it is not their fault but and just the way you can't blame anybody I think for what their taste is sure um you also can't blame somebody if they say look I can't be with someone who speaks English as a second language unless they're utterly brilliant and I certainly have had that girl in my life who did not speak English as the first language and was so utterly brilliant she was better at the language than I am and never missed one reference one joke oh wow but it's rare because the language is a barrier and we use so many idioms and we use so many twisting things and yeah some references to growing up here and plus we're working with an age barrier because you and I both Dave yes thanks for dragging me in but yeah well it's true I know I'm not well there's no reason why but I should apologize for being who we are and what we like right I think people don't like if there's an age difference with someone you date and that's it's such a it's such hypocrisy it's fine when Madonna does it or she's 77 her boyfriend's 14 everyone's like that's fine fine but but it's true it is it's girl power it's what it works yeah when people like after 18 you're like you're an adult you know you guys date I don't care I don't it's not I have bigger problems I got bigger fish to fry them you know what uh an appropriate age is one that works if it works and everybody's happy that's a pro that's what's appropriate one of my friends is female is single and she's uh 57 she says you know I'll never date a guy under 40 and I'll never I go you can't do that because you might meet the coolest guy in the world yeah who might be 39 or you just don't know because it's hard enough if you've got the whole thing you've got it you got to pick up everybody it's hard enough to get just one thing working look first of all and my experience relationships work when people um are more opposite than alike in the sense that you bring just the relationship something the other person Lacks so are you gonna Pro are you gonna be like most compatible with someone who's just like you not in my experience I don't want someone just like me I have me yes and there's some women there's women that are like I don't need the greatest looking guy in the world because I'm already oh I I want to be the attractive one or I'm pretty and I don't want someone working out every day and preening and doing all that and they I think that's one way another way women are more interesting is that they can just say I like a Vibe or a packet or something and that's where might work for me where they say this just the sum of the parts might work but did you ever get close to getting married yeah I my problem is I don't know if I would uh if it would work and I would I'm you know obviously I have mental problems I'd be scared of uh if I was living together if I would not do well with it or if I was uh or if I ruined it or if it fell apart for whatever reason that if we hated each other I see my friends or people I know that where they get divorced and they hate each other and I go that's tough someone you're that into and it's just a grinding hate and you go I would hate to have them hate me or I'd hate that it's just it's almost just a fear obviously it's not normal um but I don't really care I just think it's perfectly normal for you and that means I I don't I don't get I've refused to apologize for any of this yeah I feel sheepish about that that I think everybody else is nuts I don't know how they do it and by the way most of them don't I mean they half of them get divorced and certainly of the marriages that do stay together many of them are not what I would call happy right some of them are like very like on the surface unhappy and some of them are just like we have come to accept this sort of dismal experience no you're here when anyone's ever cheating or caught they go yeah they get in front of it we've been in separate lives for a long time right we're basically divorced it's just it's not really that big of a deal and that's a tough one because some just the it should be harder legally to get um married than it is to get divorced because marriage is so easy it should be very tough because when you get divorced my people I know though well I've got the house with them I've got this and we got the cars and we got to split up the electric it's just too hard and they say we can just be we'll be fine we'll live a separate we all know yeah being Stars here in Hollywood and a-listers okay I mean uh I didn't see it at the Met Gala No because I didn't go but I didn't have a cat costume right that's that's a funny look when you see everyone there but we all know people like prominent people well to do like managers and agents and people like that as well as stars who've gotten divorced and we know being close to these people that they went through a kind a period of years if they were lucky it was only two years but it could be five years of just this every day hatred yeah and um revenge and you know just imagine you're paying for the lawyer who's [ __ ] you in the ass yeah that kind of thing and also this is the person you thought it was gonna be forever with and so you opened up totally to them so now they have the best kind of ammunition to use on you because they know everything about you because that's scary too I think this is what we both has prevented both of us from like going all the way to Baghdad as I call it with you know like let me just invade Kuwait and kick him out of uh what we said and not go all the way to Baghdad because when you go all the way to Baghdad you get bogged down and then the next thing you know the Shiites are coming into your apartment and putting an electric drill to your brain yeah I mean metaphors oh yeah it happened in Iraq yeah well I don't want to sound like I'm anti-anything about this I oh please love the girls you know I just I I have um I've had great relationships and I just you know fears of ruining them let me get this out God you can't take anything out okay I see no but you know I would I I it's funny you said agents I was seeing someone just a few years back and then left me for a big agent and I was like oh like just walked out in the middle and just said yeah I got this big agent guy and I was like woof that's all right were you very upset by it that was yeah you were yeah so you really wanted that one to work I was working on it trying to make it work out and I always didn't even get a chance it was like ripcord pulled for me but you know I I have I have I have women of data fast and uh it takes a long time for me to actually get to know someone and then you sort of find out what they're like when they're mad when they're sad when they're when they're this when that things are going well and over time you can find out I can handle that because they go oh everyone's crazy I'm crazy we know that so when I say what crazy other person we're both crazy which one can I that type of crazy I can deal with the most and it's like oh that one I'm not that worried about it I don't find you crazy I I cloak it all right but I'm not that bad for being a comic we isn't that crazy why you do that it's like supermodels will go yeah I was a nerd shut the [ __ ] up you're not crazy they're not nerds does everybody stop at the false modesty you're not crazy everybody else is crazy uh yeah when they say that to me now I was a nerd and I go you're still a [ __ ] nerd to me well take that out you're a nerd who probably did 28 movies um well I'm I'm okay with everything so um I wasn't gonna tell you how many movies have you done you think I don't know if you count no people can't um really uh and uh 81 cameos Sandler movies uh no I've done um um I don't know I've done TV shows I try to keep it moving I did a tour this year's stand-up tour do you ever go on tour tour or do you just thank you I should I I have to call it I have to like rename just when I go out I'm gonna call it a tour because what's a tour it's like I'm in this city this day in this city yeah and it's helpful to sell it it was stupid that I haven't but I'm gonna uh rename my but not rename name because now I did right I just say I need it in the show I'm in you know I'm in [ __ ] I'll hear my plugs right now June 3rd I'm at the Met in Philadelphia June 4th the Wind Creek Event Center Bethlehem June 16th and 17th at at the MGM Grand in Vegas yeah what oh I just didn't make I'm doing a thing in Vegas with Nikki Glazer we do uh we're doing three more this year we just did it last weekend here's how you know you're not crazy everybody you're like Woody Harrelson everybody who ever has worked with you likes you that's nice people like look I mean your your huge podcast oh yeah you know I mean like some people don't wouldn't come on yeah yeah well some people just I'm not gonna name names but certainly even in the cast of SNL of that era are not like you know because they are crazy yeah there are some people who are crazy I'm not gonna not all BFFs for sure I mean that is a uh it's a war zone and they always say don't compare to the war because it's not I'm like well we all know it's not the actual War but you know you go down there you're basically down there with people and it's a tough place I like that you're such a Pros donor you have scissors not just scissors these are my friend Dave gave me these to me these are like I call them circumcisors because it really it gets right to the point well let's see if it really um you know when Woody uh your boy Woody did SNL I think he tweaked up his monologue I thought that was interesting I've never seen that happen tweaked huh like he changed it I worked on that with him but I don't really change it you'd be the one asked I don't know if he changed it I just know that that's not really the you know what they do there say whatever he wants that's interesting you know he and I are very close yeah and I'm not just saying it for that reason but what first of all what a amazingly great guy and what a ballsy move because first of all it might get the adrenaline going I bet Saturday Night Live I mean that's the plot of certain movies shows it's live they can't stop me I'm gonna do this and this guy did it in real life it was like no they can't because it is live and I'm gonna tell this story now I don't know how much they knew about what the ending of that story was but it was also a brilliant way to make that point and look Woody and I have had just too many hours of discussions about vaccines and covet and stuff I would say we're 90 on the same page but I certainly don't go as far as he does sure but the theme that he was putting out there I certainly am on that page image of we should be much more skeptical of pharmaceutical companies it's so funny when the Sackler family puts out these opioids you know that's that's when is it Oxycontin and they get sued and for eight billion dollars they have to pay and everybody goes oh well the Sackler family sure pharmaceutical companies billionaires of course Corporate America they can't be trusted but when the same people are involved with as what he said you know okay you're going to have to stay home until you take our drug yeah that's not to say that kobit wasn't a real thing or that the vaccine wasn't helpful to millions of people who would have died without it but it is a point that should be made and the fact that he was able to or willing to put his considerable popularity because you know he's a beloved figure and say I'm gonna I'm gonna take the hit of some political Capital by making this statement in this very high profile Arena I mean you got to give the guy props for that even if you don't agree with it right I would I wouldn't do it uh I I I have no opinions I don't have opinion about this yeah no I love that what he did because I watched it and I was like and when it feels like it's off cards like cue cards where you think and I've been there you know I work there and the monologue is like uh you know sometimes it's written early enough to be in read through on Wednesday and sometimes they throw it together on a Saturday my monologue got derailed when I went back Sandler was in it and it was the weekend Waterboy opened we're going back a ways but Waterboy was such a big hit he had to go back to LA to do something because it was that weekend it was blowing up we were like holy [ __ ] this is one of our guys you know right and it was so big and he goes I got bad I gotta go and I'm like oh he's in my monologue and I'm already in 13 sketches going what's my monologue and they go well Lauren goes just you know do something from your act you're a comedian I'm like I don't never go on anymore I'm just come on just shoot me or whatever really so I go [ __ ] um I pulled something for my my last special and then something new I was working on I go but there's no practice it's like I do it once at for six people the crew guys and then I do it on dress and then air and so I did it and it was it was it was fun but the monologue is scary anyway Woody's not a stand-up I thought he was very ballsy to say it and I I think Lauren maybe knew he would do something like that that's what I'd heard and I like that Lauren said not it's your funeral but just you do it if you if that's what you think you'll take the heat Sinead O'Connor right thing up right Tim Robbins when I was on came out and he wanted to slam GE and that's our apparent company right and he said GE it brings good things to death they were doing something back then of course I don't know anything about politics I was too busy putting my nails on for Gap girls so I didn't give a [ __ ] but I was like wow and and he did it and Lauren was like like let him you know let him do it because it's part of the fun of the show and then later gone ripped up the picture of the Pope and then they forgot about the Tim that was the same show yeah boy these stories about SNL are great we should do a podcast um wow I'd never um but anyway what do you to wrap that up I thought I thought a very interesting choice because now you've got to go to all your sketches when even the cast is probably like holy [ __ ] dude right and it's scary enough to do that show it's scary right if you were to start a new business what would it be and don't say a chat GPT robot brothel I'm sure that's already a thing whether you're starting a new business or a growing one if you wanted to be successful you need the most talented people on your team that's where a zip recruiter comes in and right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com random why should you let ZipRecruiter help you hire for your business I'll tell you zip recruiter's powerful matching technology finds highly qualified candidates for a whole wide range of roles zip recruiter lets you send candidates you like a personal invite so they're more likely to apply ZipRecruiter also offers attention grabbing labels that speak to job flexibility to really help your job stand out let ZipRecruiter fill all your roles with the right candidates four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day see for yourself go to this exclusive web address to try ZipRecruiter for free ziprecruiter.com random again that's ziprecruiter.com random ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire the weather is getting warmer and you know what that means it's almost hot girl summer but in order to be your hottest you have to get sleep and that's where bowl and Branch comes in Bowling branch is the betting expert making the highest quality sheets with Incredible craftsmanship they sent me these sheets and I have to say they have amazing traction I get but truly you can feel the quality immediately the sheets are silky smooth and help you sleep like a baby minus the screaming bloody murder while shedding your pants the signature hemmed sheets from bowl and Branch are a best seller for a reason bowling branch uses the highest quality 100 organic cotton threads on Earth each sheet set is slow made for a superior softness and a better night's sleep they're so luxurious they're loved by four U.S presidents rumor has it that Joe Biden was recently seen trying to eat his best of all bowl and Branch gives you a 30 night risk-free guarantee with free shipping and Returns on all U.S orders sleep better at night with bowl and Branch sheets get 15 off your first order when you use promo code Club at bolandbranch.com that's bowling Branch b-o-l-l-a-n-d branch.com promo code Club exclusions apply Seaside for details you've never seen Watergate like this White House plumbers is the new HBO original limited series from the producers of Veep and succession that stars my friend Woody Harrelson also Justin Thoreau Lena Headley and more it's based on the unbelievable events behind the Watergate scandal no names have been changed to protect the innocent because nearly everyone was found guilty stream White House plumbers on HBO Max and check out HBO's White House plumbers podcast hosted by Olivia nuzzy wherever you get your podcasts it takes enormous balls and integrity to stand up for what you believe when you know that the a program is going to come at you forcefully and of course it did the next day I saw the stories on the internet it was right I mean it hadn't been it's funny because I said to him before he did it this might be a little too subtle for the crowd because it's it's amazing cloaked you're cloaked in this idea are they really going to get it and of course they got it in two seconds and the haters were all over it but I didn't know where it was going I was like right oh this is funny like this is an example to me of real courage whereas there's so much stuff that people do now like ins in situations just like that where it's called courage but it's not courage because it is being courage courage is when you say something knowing you're going to get booed yeah or hate it it's not courageous to go I'm gay in front of a very liberal audience that's going to give you a standing ovation it's not wrong but it's like that's that courage because they're loving it well you know Comics did Trump jokes mostly during the first election that Trump was like kind of a crazy person and then when they kept doing them I'm like all right you can switch it now because now it's you go you hear what Trump said then everyone applauds so it's as a comic you go that's fine whatever your products are but let's find a new angle that is it's balls here to say anything against that to make people go oh [ __ ] you're not saying what everyone's saying I saw this guy he's an actor I love him he's I think he's a fantastic leading man actor um [Laughter] not Isaac Oscar right Oscar Oscar I I okay I think it's so funny because his name is Oscar Isaac I always thought he was Jewish because he could be he looks some ethnically some things you know he doesn't look like he came over on the Mayflower usually when he went to confession he brought his lawyer forgive me Father for I've sinned Mr Cohen wow an old Bill Maher big guy he's the oldest that's a great one yeah when I used to see you at The Improv oh we all know our like original acts because those are the ones we saw each other doing yeah I saw you on the chalkboard I was new and I'd see billmar Jay Leno Seinfeld Belzer Paul Ryan like it's a [ __ ] mount it was great I guess everyone's good that was that was a good training kneeling Dennis Miller I remember hanging out at the improve out here and uh Sandler was like just an up and coming were you you I don't think you were around but I remember him at the Improv and like we would like go out to my car and listen to Beatles songs girl you think about he's such a music dude yeah how far but I'm gonna finish okay so he he's the host this is like a year ago or something most of SNL yes yeah okay okay so he uh comes out and in his monologue he reveals that his his name is not Oscar Isaac that's like those are the first two names he asked but his name is Oscar Isaac like I don't know and then it's two Hispanic names he says oh I don't know exactly well you didn't watch this episode I guess you know it's still on now that you're not okay why would they keep it on if we peaked so so he says my name is my real name is Oscar Isaac you know Hernandez Rodriguez or whatever it was and the audience erupts in Applause and because it's like the woke audience you've been cured of whiteness it's a miracle we thought you were white and this is a gift from God great news and again I like this guy I think he's he's actually done great I mean lucky was hosting that show and I think he's still underused but then he says like yeah those the first two names those are the ones they gave me and like who who's they first divorce meaning like the agents like it's not like it's 1950 and he's in the office of Louis Vuitton all right we're going to call you up yeah all right young man the public would accept Summit of Hispanic origin we're going to call you Oscar no I'm sorry we have a better one you're going to be Bill Jones Bill Jones no it's like this kind of phony [ __ ] posturing is what I they made me yeah they made me they didn't make you uh you signed on to that willingly and uh By the way when you came along it still would have been fine so you're right now it's fine it's gonna give you two first names it's like no the you know no I know 20 2010 what were they gonna we don't serve your kind I uh he was in uh because he did a sketch for Sarah Sherman I saw that was funny and I said who is that they said Oscar Isaac and I they said he was in the Star Wars but I I didn't even well uh yeah listen it's good for him if I don't know who he is because very much who he is he was I I don't see Star Wars but he did a fantastic uh HBO like limited series about a year ago seemed I think it's called scenes from a marriage it might be the oh yeah the ingmar Bergman thing it's a little over your head Dave no believe me don't go by me if there's something good I'll never see it really you wouldn't watch that it was him and Jessica Chastain it was about a marriage yeah remember that one was like DiCaprio okay everything has to be Joe Dirt and like really no I'll watch that stuff but it's like some of them are just uh too depressing so what do you watch um tick tock tick town really no I have are you are you on do you do a lot of the good stuff with the I am a tick tock you are but it's bombing uh really no because I don't really do it I I would use like plug gigs and everyone's like whoa that's not really what we do here really well that's not really what you do there great I didn't know that yeah I mean it just if if I joined it and I got four million people right away so I go oh so it's more people that I could get work stuff out to but I do like doing a little comedy [ __ ] for it so it's but if you don't uh use it to plug what the [ __ ] do you have it for Phil that's embarrassing to me well what if I learn a new dance um right that's true they say JonBenet I feel like being a me being on Tick Tock now at 67 would be like me walking into you know the hottest club in LA on on just a regular Saturday night like hey I'm gonna be here at the club no sir yeah you're you're just this club is not for you yeah you know you know you know one time I went out with uh when I just started SNL my first year no maybe I'm for sure I just I knew lovetts and maybe Carvey I just knew him barely or Dennis and we went to a Lakers game and then they go let's go I'd love it to say let's go to bar one remember bar one of course I'm sure you [ __ ] killed it there because but I was new and so I go oh what's this thing it's a club on Sunset Boulevard I was like great and so I we all went there and uh we walked out and a bouncer checks that he goes John Levitz SNL and it was like Dana maybe it was them whatever and to me and so we yeah I was a writer I just got hired so we go in have fun and then a week later my buddy's in from Arizona I think that's what you want to do and I go oh there's a bar I went to called bar one let's go there and so we valet we get out and the guy goes what's the name because he stops me which is first of all bothered me and I it's a Saturday night and he goes uh what's your name I go uh uh you guys you have a reservation I go uh no uh isn't it a nightclub with you I didn't understand what was going on he goes yeah we got a private party tonight that's their company line I don't know always I'll get a private party it's like the legal way to say right and I go I'm probably on a Saturday I couldn't believe someone rented it out right uh and then I go oh well I was here last week because uh who are you here with like oh this is John Levitz oh yeah you're a cast member I go yeah I'm a writer and he goes yeah private party [ __ ] WJ is gonna hear about this so he said nothing we can do and my buddy was like let's go it's so [ __ ] embarrassing got worse turned around and the ballet was driving with my car and I go and then I had to wait for him to park it come back get the keys go back get it come back overpay him and my buddy's like you're not famous at all I think some of your stories are lies I go well I'm like famous but I'm a writer I mean I'm sure there are people out there in America going uh you guys are complaining about the time you didn't get recognized yeah um but I just have to say I've had that happen to me too and it it is it's embarrassing it's like you know Jesus there's a yeah and that's the thing you learn that um Fame is something that in America because we're so bifurcated that everyone has a little niche yeah so like you can never depend on knowing who's going to know you and who's not so you just have to go through life unless you're like you know Drake or you know Obama or something you hear these people say do you know who I am they don't it's I mean if you say it you're already at a disadvantage so famous and it's the way it is in the definition you know I am if you don't I'm not that famous so when P I go to places and they go hey there's gonna be about a 45 minute waiting okay and then I either take off or wait but I don't go hey right exactly I think you got it wrong we gotta go some people know some people care people care different levels yeah some people see me and they go hey there's I remember when I found out it wasn't a big deal but someone goes uh hey there's the there's David's Bay that goes I hate that guy and I go so I thought oh it doesn't mean they like you it just means they know who you are they saw you on something of course and I'm on [ __ ] TBS every day for grown-ups or bedrooms so they're getting force-fed me somewhere from some cable or yes they see something or you know so it it is uh fun to be known like that somehow but um it doesn't always mean it's like well I have a tip for you yeah go for the go ahead what are we in a business meeting go yo Tom uh okay so if this this you said somebody says uh we have a 45 minute wait and you and you either go right or you wait what I would do what I have done okay is um very nicely say okay um I was invited here I so I'm so sorry I was out somewhere else and I met I forget the gentleman's name but he seemed everyone seemed to understand he was the owner of this place and he asked me to come and you know whenever he said he would take care of me so I don't know who this I sorry I can't remember his name but and they about the person who started to get the drift well they get to drift and also they probably will get some other person even if the owner isn't there so you have one more chance and it's probably somebody smarter and higher up who then goes hey knucklehead let him in the Cheesecake Factory you drove all the way down to the Grove let this [ __ ] guy relax um right what do you think of that that's not a bad one I'm just so embarrassed to go like it's I don't think you get but are you still going to clubs I go no I go Cheesecake Factory I go maybe you don't even grown-ups they go Chris Rock no Adam Sandler right there's only five of us you'll hit me eventually no you have to like not it's not why you're going anywhere where they would a club not a chance there's one guy that's still like on an old Club list I laugh about with my friends that he still hits me up you know I'm like I need to go to a club like he'll be like hey man if you're at the F1 in Monaco we're doing a thing that I'm like what and I go I hope it's just I say if the F1 comes here and it ends at 9 00 PM I might go do you remember the times like the era I should say when you know what every night of the week yeah sickening in club like and it was the same bunch of douchebags yeah who would then go me I do promise spider club and and like oh so gross I'm like I should probably give Thursday off they've seen me too much right one day that's right give them a [ __ ] month you know why because here's the thing we're probably the same with this I don't know I was certainly no cathode in the [ __ ] Beaker when I was in high school I was not making any experiments happen sure okay so and then you know Cornell that was horrible you know but finally I'm like a grown man you know and girls I can make girls like me if I get to talk to them sometimes you know so therefore having like sort of wandered in the wilderness for so long um it was like okay there are these places now where I can afford to go to and that I can get in and I can post up at a bar and see a pretty girl and start to talk to her and make you know get her nut oh that whole [ __ ] and it was like if I can do that now it was a little like Halloween you know like this is a night they're giving out candy I'm tired but I really it ends after tonight like tomorrow I can't knock on some stranger candy but I can tonight so I'm gonna keep going and it was kind of like that but it took 10 years yeah and fame is a window so you go hey I might as well I'm a Ashton Kutcher I just saw one something and uh who I knew him back in the day a little bit because he was on 70s Show I was on just shoot me and we where we'd see each other a lot super nice guy but he said I was a douchebag he goes I don't know I mean because I had Fame he's first always tall great looking he has no problem anyway and then he's famous and he's rich and he's on a hit show and it's just too much I mean it he said I Pro he does he there's no proof but he was just like I'm sure I was a dick because it's just too much too much now luckily I've never seen him be a dick no he's always nice he's always nice yeah I just thought it was It was kind of humbling I think he's sitting very hard on himself but I get that when you go in those days like it's mostly your friends going can you get us in here even if you don't want to go out they're like just get us in and get the [ __ ] out of there if you want just get us in and get us you know throw your card down but then you can take off so that that is fun when people know you and you go out but you know I do wish I had stopped living that life earlier than I did though even though it was still available to me if I if I was a more mature person you know an early mature which I never have been you know we can't all have every great attribute I wish I had certainly 40 should be the year you stop ever being in a club or a bar just for the purpose of like you know being a single guy talking to girls and it should be something I don't even know what would replace that but like but you know the problem is for us like we never I mean I don't regret never getting married do you no not really I mean I think also going those places now I go to dinner and I do a longer dinner and have a drink and then I don't I used to go to dinner and then maybe have a drink and then go to a club and then it was I got rid of a club and then I go to dinner let's go somewhere else have a drink right and now it's long dinner drinks talk where you can hear each other right because I realize your superpowers are gone when you're at a club and you're yelling your jokes it's [ __ ] embarrassing no one hears them and that's my only thing I got going no one looks across the bar and goes ooh this guy right they're looking it's just strictly yeah on the surface who's the most attractive person I can talk to because no one's talking they're just yelling and they're going where are you going after this I'm like I just got here right because no one has anything to say what are you doing after I mean but that's the thing and first of all some of them are on their phone they're not even in the room oh yeah yeah I mean this this incredibly superficial room you're in they take it one step beyond that they're not even in that room they're not even next to you they're just like they're like right yeah so I mean look we didn't have that when we were usually we went out there wasn't that at least no and I think things were so much better when people I mean I know this sounds like get off my lawn but like when we're sure but but it doesn't mean it's not wrong no I don't listen I don't want AI I I just think we should just stop about a year ago I go we should just stop inventing things now we're good for about 10 years like everything's going well we have to keep inventing keep pouring money things and keep and then you go but it just gets more and more complicated more my house I just moved into has a bunch of stuff the same regular light switches it's like new meal and I go nothing works everything's shitty um I wish I lived in a dump like this I've sort of missed it you know no I'm kidding this is good well I don't live here no you know that club random this is like this is like in the metaverse and you know what you I if I invited you to a party here you would never come because you're in bed at nine o'clock I I say I remember a while ago I told our manager Mark here with hey handsome I said we have the same manager and I said I see more and more clips of Bill show because they they do come uh they come across my phone I didn't mean I came across them but uh I see you on there and I go I watch and I say oh this was funny and then he goes tell them you tell him you talk every day he goes right you got his number and I go all right so I've texted you about three times but I don't think I have your old Hawaii number you must because I would certainly so I say hey Bill this was great when you said this because I see it and I go [ __ ] man this is stuck well here's a rule of thumb if I don't answer your text it means I never got three years yes I would I'm not the bouncer from 1997 who didn't know who you are I'm me no I I you'd at least say oh you know yeah oh so I keep saying Mark okay well we'll remedy this tonight yeah we will and uh but you just do you don't ever stay out late do you I don't stay up that late anymore and also I don't do drugs I used to do that's a shame a little booger sugar you know just just to bump it up a little bit you know just a little power flower uh but I but that and I realized that would keep you up but you know in the last 10 15 years it's two tricks you we can't do anything exotic at our age well I think I did There's twice when I did a little extra um and I felt like a little jittery and I go it's a bad feeling you can't and uh I go I don't want to go down that way but rather not no look you you have to make concessions to age yeah you know you look good you look whatever you are yeah but a good version of that and that's all you can do that's all I got going from here no no I mean that's good thank you no yeah you look healthy you look like yourself yeah the worst thing you can do is to do some [ __ ] surgical intervention that you don't look like yourself as they say in my ACT then you're old and weird I might just do the lips uh no but I see people and uh some things are too big or something and you know what nothing says sends the wrong message to a woman like plastic surgery on a man because I asked you before or somehow came up like why do you think this you know you were always so popular with women they like authentic yeah what is less authentic than a man or who like can't stand to like yeah and you know hi you wrestle with it though because I think we're all insecure but it doesn't work that's the thing if if it actually worked friendly Woods had the great line no one will ever have it better on that she said no one looks at a 65 year old person with plastic surgery and goes look at that young person so if yeah so what's the point or someone authentic yeah girls that are 27 and they get it I mean we've made women feel so badly whatever but they go oh we got to get it and so normal women out in the real world they're getting lips and everything yeah you look 40 when you're 27 you go you know what sorry nobody put a gun to your head okay it's you made a dumb [ __ ] choice that's it yeah um I saw this uh story about I think it's Linda Evangelista do you remember her yeah supermodel yeah from like the 90s of course well you dated her or something like that no okay but it's like a stunner there are people a lot of pictures of you with like a woman who's a foot and a half I think they all start a foot and a half taller yeah yeah but really I mean yeah it only made you look good no it's fine I I try not to push it out there but yeah but she uh she she like did some thing yeah that ruined her face that went sideways on her yeah right unfortunately and I I feel bad for her but I have limited sympathy for people who do it to themselves you know you did something for vanity yeah and uh and something that is advertised to be you know probably works 100 99 out of 100 times but you really want to be that yeah because it seems that they seem to have it down pretty well for like I don't know if the Kardashians have had anything but if they have they've got it wired because butts are curvy everything you know it all seems to like look good and you go now is it a great message for young women I don't know but well don't Google um breast jobs that went bad yeah because there's a show I'm producing for TLC right but you know you know what I'm saying I mean it's hard I I get it I mean I think Lynn evangelista's supermodel was probably in that George Michael video and you know at a certain point you've just got everything and then if it starts to slow down you know it's the same with all of us we can't really do these things on the body I mean I certainly understand that there's a real thing that is being trans being you know so-called born in the wrong body but you know whatever the remedy that we decide for whatever individual they do are not um putting enough emphasis on the fact that you you can't expect someone to be really healthy for the balance of their life when you do something as radical as take away their penis and put in a vagina or vice versa these things are intrinsic to your health you know it feels like health is number two below this makes me feel and that is important yeah but you know any surgery is very uh scary to anyone and so the more you do the more it can go the wrong way I agree with that I agree have you ever had surgery um I mean I've had a hernia a hernia voluntary um why why did you get a hernia because I lift weights every second no because I have a Soloflex in my house a little Flex I had one in my apartment my the when I yeah with the rubber bands no I just got one because uh old or something and then um I had one I have to get another one for a sinus surgery but I don't but I'm just saying those things you get scared to the last second here and they're going what if this goes from even a colonoscopy you go which uh I did one recently let's look at a clip [Laughter] we don't have one clip I sent one but even those you're about to go on and you're like some people don't wake up so you get scared now if you're doing something really you know you're really getting in there in your body that's scarier I mean that that's the whole thing of plastic surgery in any way shape performance is risky so you know even though it's like the slowest moving Bronco Chase ever and it's been foretold and then happened in such slow motion I still can't believe that we who were the young comedians are now the old comedians I know you know yeah I mean it's like you know it's gonna happen and yet you can't believe it did yeah you know we're what are you talking about we're I will say we are lucky because in the comedy world yes you don't have to retire that fast much better than music it's great I see your show I'm like Bill looks the same he's doing the same show he's getting laughs yeah interesting so yeah and again we'll ask all these people it's like fun kind of an advantage that we were never the pretty boy yeah because then we never had that to lose you know it's not like hey George Hamilton lost his tan or whatever you know girls always say guys are lucky they go uh when you get older you just get better looking not you but they and I go well if you're a good looking guy and your hair gets a little gray it's like great but not everyone turns into a butterfly when there's a seven no no but but women are much more deep than us sure like I agree no in the sense that there were more superficial like the old saying goes women fall in love through their ears and men fall in love through their eyes I thought it was boners I heard something different laughs I don't know it was on the bathroom wall no I agree that that's such a good comedy partner because you never dropped the ball ah we go back and forth that's why it's fun it's fun yeah I don't really do punch lines like you like you always come up with the punchline that's the valuable guy in there oh can you believe that this town's on strike is that affecting you well um you know I think I've been through one or two you have too right they're tough I mean it's it's a little press at the beginning and I mean I got thrown out of work this week and then it gets oh that's right you were supposed to do a show Friday and Monday was they hadn't taken the vote until the night I did what I normally do on a Monday which is put in a very long night you know putting together the first draft of my editorial at the end of the show and and now no show and uh I mean think about that yeah and this oh I mean I don't want to get into the politics of it but there is no Dan look I know the writers are getting screwed by the streamers but um the Rough stop work it's always hard to stop or because and also the money you lose just doing that is crazy all the people who get thrown out of work yeah like unless they use it to get rid of people right not sure that too but also not just people who got thrown out of work who actually were directly writing but the restaurant that was across of course the studio yeah where the actors went to have lunch they showed them the news today they were showing all the restaurants that are empty and you go yeah it's just such a trickle because I mean listen I have no answers I'm a writer I'm the writer's guild at night but I know I get it and um but it's one of those after covid you go oh and then the drug dealers who don't get the same order that they do that's what we're getting at the hookers who would normally go three and four at a time to certain the ious for the hookers is the embarrassing that's another thing I think you and I agree on like we would never want to be with a girl except if she really we whatever our flaws are you have to really want to be with us we can't like just buy you right because that wouldn't feel you wouldn't feel good about yourself right like because like anybody could do that love it's could do that right I'm just making I don't know I'm kidding John we love John Balderdash I saw love it's this weekend you did yeah I did Las Vegas he was there and so we went golfing that's see that's like the way people feel about bands you know like I feel is the way a lot of people feel about that gang of Saturday Night Live guys who like more than other cast members seem to have like this bond that went on like yeah like more than the music fans don't like to think of their favorite band members hating each other breaking up I don't know I don't talk to him it's like please mommy and daddy why are you fighting I hate it and you you guys I think uniquely in the nsnl catalog like have this like Band of Brothers thing that went on yeah you know I can't think of any other grouping that does you know I'm lucky a to have some friends from my era and then also the Dana Dennis Kevin Neal like that era Lovett's I still talk to those guys when I can you know I see Dana a lot but you know it just also there's you're not all the same era well I don't know sort of overlaps them we overlapped a little and then it went on to uh more I think people think of more with me you know Schneider Sandler Rock Tim Meadows you know those guys and uh Farley what about that first year with Chevy huge star six four good looking I saw Goldie Hawn she goes nothing like him formidable he came into a meeting I was like really God damn this yes because they did no two movies and also the good looking but has a sense of humor yeah so can play against type that's what Carrie Grant was yeah that's what Burt Reynolds was yeah um that's what uh uh Ryan Reynolds is yeah you know that's that's the ultimate goal when you are the good-looking guy but you don't act like you're just doing your thing yeah I mean that's so attractive to women yeah you just [ __ ] around Warren Beatty accidentally good looking yeah you know that's not your only thing you have going what and then that's that's those guys well Warren Beatty was the ultimate because he was great looking Rich movie star but also like humble like we've had very Midwestern manners that's it was always about you yeah and also you know in the second baseball he was a five tool player he also was like the most Relentless like the stories about Warren Beatty like he would see a girl driving and he would pull her over yeah just like that like just like I have to get to know you blah blah blah and then of course he's Warren Beatty and it probably happened and he's gonna look in there later yeah and he's more invading you know so no no sevens are pulling guys over girls we can't be uh you have to like have some right it's like girls who get away with murder are sort of great looking guys they get away with stuff that regular people would there's a thing that the kids call uh pretty privilege [Music] [Laughter] directly I've heard Whispers yeah you always hit the ball back I feel like I would be I would love to be a straight man that is a great job I would love to just be that guy I'm a straight man with Farley I'm a straight man a lot of movies this movies it's true I go I would do this movie because you need him in the wrong Missy at the movie for Netflix I was straight I read it knowing I'm not the funny part and I go you know what I sort of like that Ben Stiller Jason great job in over your head straight man it's like being the assist leader in basketball you know and then you just watch them score after a while it gets tough but you just want some score but it's funny like that wrong Missy did more that movie did more for me because you know I guess it's about have one that works about every 10 years that's what I'm that's my pattern it's like it goes Tommy Boy then it goes joder and it goes growing up then it goes yeah wrong Missy was one of the big ones on Netflix that they just call ago it's worldwide number one again number one again no I'm like I'm like I don't believe they're like um we don't believe it but uh good job so just just trying to hang in there very few people have like one hit let alone yeah it's hard to hang in there yeah you know what you know you're doing the same thing it's hard to just keep it going so uh um I think what you're doing is harder because I'm doing the same I've already got it I've been there 21 years you know all I got to do is just do the thing that I have been doing which of course if you keep doing the same thing you're going to get better at it yeah you know and like you said like we look we don't have to look awesome we just have to look generically late middle age yeah and not be offensive to look at yeah you know um did you see a movie like Will Ferrell is the dad you don't know his wife or how old they are but you go Will Ferrell and everything how old he is no he's the guy in this movie of course and he's funny right but if you ever go oh he's 59 and he's still you know it doesn't make sense in the movie but you go because you don't think of that that's old when you think about it but when you go oh it's Will Ferrell and he's the kids coach but you go why would he have a kid Arnold Schwarzenegger and so that's there's Sylvester just alone yeah got it made it you don't smoke pot I was about to say okay they made a movie about oh I didn't know it was only a few years ago okay yeah it was a script that blatantly was real was it them in a prison I remember that one plainly was written for two men in their mid 30s I mean they're hitting each other with pipes upstairs they don't even change it yeah they it was just like they were so preposterously too old both of them for this movie it was like one of them was in prison okay you have to get arrested get in the prison yeah and then break out of this impossible to breakout prison with this guy who hates you and for Robert Pattinson Arnold says he wants to do it you're like instead of your daughter being four she's 40. I mean Norman Lear was not available so they went yeah and it's just like yeah but they're Stars yeah you know there's something about that's not the one where the boots stick to the ground that's Nicholas Cage remember he's in prison and he's got these electric These Boots Are magnetized the ground outside your Club I'll send you a link no I mean but Nick Cage there's a great example what he's great too Nick Cage yes and also I mean he was just on 60 Minutes like he has he has like waited for the ferris wheel got some mystery to him and he comes back and and now he's at the top of it again and it just shows especially in this business and when you were saying like every 10 years or whatever but like that's life we just happen to be in the business of of show so for us it's like this kind of thing you know you not everyone out is going to be a hit and it's very hard to predict what is going to work and what's not sure especially movies yeah like I'm so glad I'm not in that game I couldn't take it because so many things can go wrong you read a movie in every movie I've tried to do I've all right is funny from the beginning there's so many ways to go wrong like you said table reads funny and then it goes wrong from there it's like direction is tough the editing the the uh this the co-stars don't get along and someone's right something about it so distribution the poster the release date it's freezing out exactly I mean we we had black sheep come out and they go Larry King was like there's a storm tonight this weekend they advise everyone not to leave the house I'm like what don't leave shut the [ __ ] up like not just they're snowing they go that's good for a movie the snow's like oh not when they say don't leave the house the worst one we've had in 15 years and you go ah so now uh for you kids watching uh back in the day as you kids would say uh we had to leave the house to see him yeah yeah you had to go out yeah they're like what are you talking about it's hard to get out and see it's hard to get people out to see it did someone stash your phone outside or something why would you need to leave the house and you know when you watch a movie at home you can get distracted the same thing with the people that work from home I think there's too much distraction because I've done it and when I watch a movie I like my phone or I go in the other room when you're in a theater you're it's sort of the only game in town you're sitting at the internet and you watch it you're more into it I think I have I have I must admit I have only seen I think two movies in the theater in the last five years and some of that was covered yeah but but some of that is just I got so used to um not watching movies all at once I treat a movie like a book I don't read a whole book in one sitting that's what I'm doing none of them hope my if it held my attention yes I could see but it's like yeah I like this but for 20 minutes and then I'm going to watch something else for 20 minutes people that Shock Me are my friends you know In fairness they have no jobs but they they go they go uh they have you know they are they I have a commercial audition Thursday I'm like this is what it's down to so they go you know what I watched last night uh three seasons of Ted lasso that's a hundred hours and they're like yeah I don't know what how do you know I blew through a season okay I went re-watched Breaking Bad I I know I I couldn't have I do one like this is it you know as good as it is I don't know if I'm a snob but I go these some of these are good but I go it's not even the show I just the tension's been I don't know what it is I agree I I don't understand the American attention span it's either three seconds or forever you know like like podcasts like I would never have guessed that podcast would be a thing to me it's like AM radio a lot of it it really is um and which wasn't cool for so long so so uncool um and also like if we only do an hour it's like chancy you know it's weird why why two hours or three and I'm like whoa who who likes the gods of green earth is sitting there I mean and Rogan in like five hours to binge anything big and sometimes I can't get through an episode yeah I think clips of podcasts I see that on Instagram so I see clip of theoban I see my friends I go Tim Dylan that's funny that's funny but I don't ever watch the whole podcast but I go this is the good part and I judge going that's funny to me these guys are funny to me and I form an opinion about yeah I must say I kind of hate that we live in this clip world because people say to me you know Billy Corgan said he was on your Show recently yeah just just before you got here we were talking about an interview and he said yeah I saw clips and it's like I want to go thank you and also [ __ ] you I know it's like I heard him say that it's like I just want to go oh it's a shame I but nobody ever seems to want to watch anything in its fullness or you know we do certainly have fans who do that but like I feel like we move into this clip driven world of like just give me the just give me the tastiest tip of the yeah you know because people say you know uh your movie I actually seen pieces of it I liked it right that's another Hollywood thing it's not pieces of it I I mean I've had people who said with a straight face like they're trying to compliment me on religious and said I started it it's like that's not a compliment you know like you know SNL has it down like if you follow even like you on Twitter it'll show in full one of your one of your full segments so it's really the whole show SNL here's where you can update here's someone on Weekend Update here's a sketch here's the monologue so if you want one at a time you can go back and watch what you want to watch a lot of things do that yours is bigger because it's on like the internet like people will pull it on the next day and say you said this right and you'll click and it'll be the whole model so if you miss it you see chunks but you see a fat chunk you don't see it a minute of it right it'll go beginning middle end and that's uh a way I see a lot of stuff because I mean they're not there or I'm out there making millions doing [ __ ] you know but you are no not all at once but no it adds up yeah um you've had a [ __ ] amazing career I mean not everyone comes off that show oh that was a hard move that's the hard one that Gap right there right because a lot of people they said you can do your own show for a network it was back when it was like just the networks really the big three in Fox I said we'll give you your own show right off of SNL you get one swing right and I watched I think it was Arsenio had all the heat in the world did his own sitcom and didn't work right and they're like okay he's done what else they're like yeah brutal is that brutal one swing then they turn and you think it's gonna be forever so I that's when I joined just shoot me they go or you could be the fifth lead on a show that they might pick up and I said it's farther down the line it's passed very smart pilot stage it's a pilot I could watch right they didn't have someone kind of like me and was really good that's smart it's from a guy that did Larry Sanders right and NBC already likes it it's almost on the air right and I go let me jump in here perfect and the same thing then I went over I never knew that that's right it was an engagement it was a pilot they were already wanting to pick it up if you join we'll pick it up so I'm already at the one yard line to do a pilot from scratch right you're right it's too scary that's the uh activation energy Point as they would say in chemistry where we see whether these two compounds combine to make a new compound or fizzle and that was a very smart move that's the that's the key moment there yeah like you pick the right horse I see it also and this sounds crazy but when you watch football and you see like a great receiver a great quarterback and they want more money and they switch teams and you go and you never hear from again I go you should just realize there's something that's working with this group and I can't say what no one knows what but that's where you work best and it's working it's working you go somewhere else something's different and there's something about it and it falls apart I yeah that's what this kind of like TV shows if if you get cocky and say I want to do my own and it doesn't work that mental beating of trying to go back and get your heat back it's just too hard but it's nice that you're you know we both got to a point where first of all I had so much anxiety when I was young about am I going to be a failure or not because it's very easy to be a failure you could either be a failure right at the beginning and never get anywhere or come off SNL and then just kind of yeah it's hard to get on something if it doesn't work then that's a misstep and then it's a little harder than you get the second lead on a pilot and then if that doesn't work then it's really to me that's a lot of my mental calmness is like okay I was not a failure in this life I chose this profession and was a success and found a nice piece of real estate and same with you you found a nice little piece of real estate it's something you do you just try to do it yeah are we Austin Butler no easy but you know we weren't dealt that end right we made good with the hand we had yeah targeted it's hard after five years after 10 years all right I'm gonna be wrapping me up yeah can you bring my car around I I want to stay a little longer but my car is coming around [Music] I'm sure you won't be here at the party I'm gonna have for you honor oh crap you [ __ ] stay six minutes and do this thanks Bill is that the end

Channel: Club Random Podcast

Views: 406,395

Keywords: club random podcast, club random, podcast, bill maher, bill, maher, club random with bill maher, real time, real time with bill maher, David Spade, david spade stand up, david spade interview, lights out with david spade, david spade show, david spade snl, talk show, comedy, snl, funny, adam sandler, david spade chris farley, interview, comedian, saturday night live

Id: kPNXlIK6YzQ

Length: 70min 58sec (4258 seconds)

Published: Sun May 14 2023

Reddit Comments

[u/grenner70]

Why did Bill think spade is ugly bec he kept saying “guys like you and me”. I’ve always thought David was handsome and fun ! That’s why us women like him. He must have been like “uh why are you grouping us together. As much as I love Bills mind, he’s no looker

[u/clapclapsnort]

Bill finds a way to talk about trans people in every fucking episode. And Spade was having none of it just answering with “erm”s and “um”s and trailing “yeaaaahhhh”s like “I still have a career I want to keep thanks for dragging me into this though bill 💯 appreciate this.

[u/nuanced_discussion]

The best part of this episode was behind the scenes information about something that happened on snl (the woody harelson stuff).

And then I find out that that's precisely what Spade's podcast is about.

Already listened to two episodes. I'm hooked.

[u/skunky_pants]

So this is at least the second time I’ve heard Bill talk about Woody’s SNL monologue and the “backlash”. Am I nuts? I watched it live and remember noticing how it made zero waves on Twitter and the next few days I don’t think I saw a single mention of it.

My thoughts on it at the time was it was just really passé and he was revisiting something people were exhausted talking about when they were there for a comedy show. Was there outrage somewhere?

[u/Unfairlyhacked]

I watched last night. I always enjoy Spade’s razor sharp wit.

[u/Buckowski66]

Isn't this just Bill interviewing himself?

[u/awesomefaceninjahead]

Bill Maher staying hip by bringing young up-and-comer, David Spade, on his basement podcast.