Rob Schneider | Club Random with Bill Maher

the staff tells me that you are already on fire that's what they i have been hearing god bless you hey i got to tell you i have more cameras here than i feel like i'm at the chinese embassy baby let's go i know i feel like we have camera all of you we have evidence now you tell us all the early jokes on the 80s you know what ever since you couldn't play other nationalities i stopped working oh yes you can't play other nationalities you did you did a few of those yeah because you know if my mom's asian that makes me asian because they give a [ __ ] they don't know it's so funny you mention that because the editorial i am doing this friday on real time is about how casting directors go back to being casting directors and and cast the person who's best for the role and not whether their profile as a person a real life person matches the role tom hanks says he wouldn't do philadelphia today because he's not gay and the character is it's called acting yes you're supposed to be able to play people you're not that was the whole point of it exactly why do you think actors want to be actors because they don't want to be themselves right what happened though is that they're just there's a creep that's happened which is i think you've noticed that there's a creep of like trying to make the water better out there man trying to make the world better and making it way worse by such [ __ ] about everything and i can't even at this even at the even at the hotel i get wherever the hell i'm staying they don't even tell you what kind of shampoo it is anymore they don't say what flavor or whatever you know whatever it just says not testing on animals oh and as if and i'll tell you the truth i don't care i'll tell you another one well i do care about i want you to test it on animals i mean don't be an [ __ ] about it don't shove a bottle i'm up the bottom i'm a peter board member so let me just say i struck on the last thing if ever gonna agree i'm just saying if you are if you have a shampoo company and let's say you have a lizard it doesn't have to be put a couple of drops of shampoo in his eyes and if the lizard dies let's come up with another shampoo that's all i know it doesn't all right i can hate you and the joke that you made and also appreciate that that is a good joke okay i can do both because i have a bicameral mind well that's good you know that's the problem yes we are so polarized as you you talked about with jake you know with jay you know we thought you'd pull it right the other thing is it's like you know they can't you can't even anything and then he comes down here those are his two moves jay's guy you know what i'm up here and then you go down here and you come back i used to love his segways on the tonight show you know like they'd be trying you know about the sitcom or whatever then and uh here you are you collect toy train [Laughter] i remember like being on the show katherine ross finally after like my fifth appearance on there whatever with jay she said stop waiting for jay just keep going and that was the best advice well but jay leno is one of the greatest people i i mean i don't understand this animosity no because it just happens i mean and i hate jealousy could you believe there's jealousy in standup is that what you're saying well i guess in uh not stand-up but in getting the crown plum talk show yeah oh yeah oh sure and you know i don't i don't know why jimmy and conan who i both am so fond of i don't want to be in the middle of this but i mean i just don't know why they they they seem to hate him but it is and he's such a great guy he has there's not one person that jay hasn't helped i mean literally i drove him one of my first things i ever did like in the early 80s i had a um a manager of course and he said you're going to pick up jay leno you're going to know you know the san francisco like the back your hand you have you take the thomas guide that was the thing i remember you take him and you take the thomas guide you know what's that you pick you have a sign at the airport you pick up jay and then you take him to the radio show then you take him to the club and then whatever he whatever mr leno needs and so i did it what year is this this is like 1983 84. i think that was just when he was doing like hey on the letterman show hey let me tell you what what's your beef jake let me tell you my beef i'll tell you one thing right now i'll tell you i gotta beat james let me tell you dave and um and he would murder he would murder absolutely nobody ever did talk show spots quite like rodney he had material rodney did but rodney would just do another six minutes johnny would say nothing and they'd make a joke about that but leno killed him i mean that's what got him the tonight show oh yeah well he he took that as the opportunity that it was a lot of people come on there tried to be smart whatever yeah he said this is my first minutes and i'm gonna murder i'm gonna do a commercial income yeah yes and he did yeah like he was a guy like i remember i mean he was so nice and he said so you know i am you know any good chinese rights martha you know i said yes mr leno because i was a san francisco kid my mom's filipino we went every sunday we went to this place not today fancy place but we used to drive by the fancy place where the politicians would go and they go my dad would go that's the place um the fancy people go this food's just as good we're gonna go it's just as good chinese food it's even better let me tell you what it's not as fancy we're not fancy you know my dad always considered the temple like it's a fashion show we don't need to go to temple it's a fashion show and so um we went to that i said mr leno that's the best place he says yeah come on in here wait can you come in no don't eat by myself and he finally said so are you a comedian and i said yes mr allen and he said to me how much time you got and i said about eight minutes they said good you know most people i ask how much time you get i got six hours i can do six hours i got two hours of cleaning two and with the dirty again and i was like you know who would need to hear six hours of comedy material either have 20 minutes of kills every time everywhere you go you got right that's all you need you gotta have five minutes of kills every time everywhere you go or you have nothing and i said and mostly you don't need 20 minutes to become a star and truthfully i worked after that dinner at lunch with him i worked my ass off to get five minutes and a couple years later i got on letterman doing that five minutes and truthfully like me spade rock sandler never had more than 20 minutes and the thing also about jay is he like he would always like bend over backwards if there was some sort of a beef to try to end it like like people would [ __ ] him over and he would call them i know and i i just don't understand i was having a problem at nbc and he took me aside as the anthem kid i was doing men behaving badly and i literally was i was out of my [ __ ] mind i did i've been in therapy now dealing with stuff i should have dealt with 20 years ago i i'd be able to buy a place like you have to like what no but i but i had a problem uh with with an nbc like because i hated doing the sitcom it was called men behaving back i [ __ ] hated the fact that we have all these episodes from england they're hilarious let's just do those and they promised me they'd do that and they took them over here and they watered them down and i listened to your you know to warren littlefield who promised me we're going to make it just as funny bubba and anyway so i was performing with a shirt that said performing under protest you know all the people were the writers laughing at their own [ __ ] and then jay said hey listen you got to figure out a way to make this thing work for you you know what i'm saying like you don't think they get into the jay lineup they get another jay leno tomorrow you don't think they get another tom cruise they're getting up top cruise in a week or maybe two weeks because it's time [ __ ] cruise but you know everybody else you know so you got to find and i was like just to him to take the time yeah of course i didn't listen to him but if he were just taking the time i mean he was just the greatest i want to know about these uh things that you could have uh paid a house for in therapy oh yeah no no no no i pissed off so i i [ __ ] up so badly uh what do you mean no i just like what happened was what did you i didn't realize you're you're a household name thank you but no i shouldn't but i mean like when you think about all the people you started with i mean i always think about it like the military you know we went into battle with a thousand guys and like a lot of them are dead yeah yeah i'm not dead really although some of that too but you know just dead and they never and you know you're rob schneider i mean god bless you you know couldn't there's another thing jay leno told me you know i get these guys calling me up you know he said hey you know i'm sorry i'm doing jay but i just listened to your body you're very funny he said like you know well i can do it too you know he's not the only one i can do it these guys called me up and they said hey listen jake and you put me on for five minutes and i said how is it going to help you he said it's it's like you're 40 years old you got only you only got five minutes you haven't read a new act and now you're fat so but what i happen what happened to me which i'm realizing now through [ __ ] therapy that i can finally afford and have the time to do so you do go to therapy i do now yeah was that by i was raised by people who were very wounded i was raised by people too it's amazing how that works no my parents like my mother half her family was were killed by the japanese in world war ii and so like i can't travel without food with me and it took this you know who was killed by the japanese both my uncles one of them was beheaded and the other one on death march your mother's japanese my mother's filipino filipino oh and the japanese invaded the philippines yes maybe you heard about that well well first of all pearl harbor started the whole thing don't trust anyone under 40 to understand even what century worldview happened no it is so we got if we want to get the full audience here i mean kids uh world war ii it happened after the middle ages yes okay it was the one with hitler before bieber uh yes i think what kids don't understand about world war ii was like they don't get why hitler japan was put up on the same side yes and it was like wait i'm evil and you're evil so we're just gonna be evil together really but the plan was just like when hitler with ribbon trump you know it was just like right we're going to you know look we'll kill you eventually right now let's just take out the polls and get this thing started let's back up to the kids who don't know who've on ribbon drivers okay so the nazis and the soviet union made a pact in 1940 yeah the uh uh von riben drop pact and they decided to cut poland right in half as a matter of fact that's all that stalin wanted after world war ii wanted half of poland and germany got the other half during the malta times when uh you had churchill and uh and what was left of roosevelt at that time which is basically where biden is now what was left of roosevelt and you had uh and then all that stalin was there was like i just want i just you know i just want the same amount of poland that hitler gave me and then what a surprise i got who knew i was gonna get czechoslovakia hungary it was so in half of germany forget about it okay what did they do anyway you were killed by the japanese no not you you're your mother's brothers yeah my mother were filipino the japanese invade in 1941 42 42 january 42 right and they just they came in this is people might remember douglas macarthur saying i will return he will return and they did two takes when he came off the boat because the first that's right he came right off newsreel yes the newsreel right he walked off the off of the lane and he went right in the drink and then he said we got to do it again and we're losing the light and also i think i have another one in me i want to try a few yeah let me just first of all this is my better side can somebody light my [ __ ] cigar jesus or his pipe or whatever i think it was a pipe but so anyway so that's i'm going to improvise so that's what um so that that's kind of like on my mother's side and then on my father's side my father was also a very melancholy his father committed suicide so i just i'm raised from like a community and blames my grandfather your grandfather my grandfather who came you know came over from the old days it was one of those things where you found out he was like three years older than he was when he was like you know where did he come from he came over from um well it was prussia at that time prussia sure yeah prussia is part of it's eastern germany it's where berlin is yes berlin is in prussia prussia was a country of its own in the 19th century before germany was was united not that i have to tell you kids go to class tarnipol was where he was from and he came over and like he didn't realize and you know this is a guy could barely read and write but he can read the newspaper and right he would do and so he had a uh a a literally a barbershop he cut hair right next to the fox theater on 7th 7th street in san francisco around a market right off market street and uh and had a good life for himself and then when he retired he didn't realize that like he realized he went to the bank and realized there was nothing in there he didn't understand that my mother molly hoffman hoffman schneider had taken that money and invested in real estate and some other had a little jewelry store so and so he just thought they were broke and he got really depressed like i did all this for that yeah and then he went to my dad's and then he said you know i can't live with your mother she blew all my money blah blah and he said well look i gotta i'll be right back just hang out and then he my dad came back and uh and then my grandfather had offed himself i hate to bring the show to a screeching halt so how did the japanese get to prussia so so the japanese came in by the way the japanese so you know whenever you invade someplace you are the liberator but why yeah pissed off the filipinos because like you're fellow asians and we're we're liberating you from these [ __ ] americans i mean we invaded iraq in 2003 and we said we were liberators they didn't see it that way they didn't it's funny how that works no i mean conquers right i mean it's goddamn romans i mean whereas uh the austra austrians uh pretended that hitler conquered them but really when hitler marched into vienna oh yeah it was absolutely it was not exactly it was not exactly yeah the disastrous day that they would like to present you don't break they're an investment they've seen the film you don't throw flowers at the times when they're coming in and say these are the bad guys okay so you have that that's kind of so but here's my real question like so all this bad [ __ ] happened in your past i mean your family's back yeah so what do you give a [ __ ] what do i give a [ __ ] i know that's why i matter it's affecting you today because because you're a celebrity who lives in hollywood well no no i moved to arizona i moved i moved to arizona i couldn't take this [ __ ] i don't know how you guys do it how much more can california take it's like you got homeless people on the lawn do you have to have them move into your house finger your wife at what point do you say i'm [ __ ] out of here well that's why i never got married the thought of homeless people fingering my wife driven me well you know first of all maybe i'm looking at this all wrong no it's not no the homeless we're either having a huge homeless problem or a gigantic camping success story we have to look at it both ways the tent companies are killing it right now bill i know i i drive through this town and like especially when i when i'm out of town coming back from the airport i always go with this road route through you know burbank airport and then calcutta underpass looks like woodstock 99. i know it's it's just it's it's it's the aclu that did it the aclu they [ __ ] well basically the cities capitulated to the lawsuits and they said we don't want it we don't have the money we're not going to fight this fact and like and so then then you had you couldn't kick them out anymore and so that's what happened a common theme of mine yes besides marijuana use let's mix it up baby come on hey you're all right you're okay tell me the person i met rodney hey i got a i got a couple of girls with some bloating you want to hang out come on man i smoke every day the only reason i'm still alive let's do rodney and leno together we're running once you pass the blue a little i guess you know there's a guy over here with a schnauze that went like a little hey let me tell you get your own [ __ ] you know what i'm saying pal this stuff's expensive yeah i got a lot of energy i think i'm going to write another monologue okay but i love jay but jake did get to the point where he was the monologues were 25 minutes the interviews were 30 seconds but he's an amazing monologue writer he's an amazing joke i mean every bit he had when i opened for me and dana carvey the great legend dana carvey the most talented guy i've ever come out of san francisco this guy we are both open for him in like the mid 80s and then at the palace of fine arts like one of those new year's crazy shows where you'd make like a thousand dollars if you were an opening i was like geez that was great and then and jay lena would come in and whatever every we'd have our killer bits we couldn't wait to get to and then every joke that jay leno had was killer and just murder and then he also knew how to get into it in like three seconds which was i was so jealous of because when you're an unknown it's so hard to like break the ice warm up the crowd i always hated it and i like oh god it's going to take five minutes before they're like who's this [ __ ] guy yes whereas jenna john lennon was always like uh i think the one i i said it to him when he was here was like hey you see the paper you see he's and he's already like he's home almost you know i see uh buddy epstein's uh muhammad ali is going to come out of retirement he's fighting buddy yes but he is like a ninja in that way we're like you know you have these guys they have their moves and they've been doing it so long they just become impenetrable after a while and he's he's right was one of those guys he was talking about i always forget what we're talking about but it was something i was very interested in something with you and the japanese the japanese in the war well what happened gabor mate told me this dr gabor now why is it still in your why is it still exactly dealing with because no what happened is is that that does transfer from the parent to the kid and i didn't realize that because i said i always travel with food is because my mom starved during the war okay and so that guy your mom starved during the war yeah and i know that that's the thing like whatever problems we're having in the united states people should realize right but and that they don't realize that this really isn't these are these problems that we have like we don't this isn't a civil war we are not in a civil war we have maybe very soon well if really if the democrats continue to try to imprison people then then there's nothing that there's nothing separating us from like some guatemalan thing well i mean if someone broke the law plainly like trying to undo a fair election they deserve to be in prison well let's go back to nixon the last progressive president we ever had nixon put in the epa of course right now okay okay i mean i wouldn't yeah so nixon yeah progressive compared to today what had to happen was that it was true ford sacrificed his own political career in his own presidency by saying we got to stop this [ __ ] and stop this attack and move on and like nixon himself when when it was very obvious as soon as they lost the presidential election in 1960 nixon and his uh you know his associate his advisors are like we can fight this we know that they cheated in chicago that dead people were voting and he said the transfer of power is more important exactly that is okay exactly that is the key that's why yes nixon made a sacrifice in 1960 al gore 40 years later made the same sacrifice because yes he did absolutely okay and let's not even talk about tilden tilden because i'm still pissed about tilden okay you know who tilden is i'm blanking on them 1876 mark oh yes the first time the guy did not get the presidency after winning the popular vote okay right okay kelden all right damn it but you look at president johnson after lincoln let's go back now this guy he wanted to follow through with what with what lincoln wanted which was to not penalize the south and they crucified him and it was the northerners who did want to penalize them i'd have to look at that history again and they impeached him and he he saved it by one vote there was one vote that prevented him from losing the presidency we are supported by signalwire have you checked out the sci-fi show westworld on my favorite network hbo they present a picture of the future where technology would make unprecedented communication experiences possible like robots that are indistinguishable from humans they look talk and act just like anyone else or as i like to call them senators well it's 2022 the future is here but our current tech is a pretty far cry from what real-time communications could be that's where signalwire comes in 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are clove cigarettes by the way yeah here step up to the cool refreshing reflecting traced of uh but i will say that i mean i feel like i was dumber than all the guys all the smart people at snl but at least i had some some a semblance of of history that i can understand some basic well then you should understand how unprecedented it is what trump has tried to do and it is exactly what you're talking about the peaceful transfer of power is the jewel in our crown as a democracy it is it's so many countries in the world have not been able to get this right the idea that we would have elections and then go okay i hate your [ __ ] guts but you know what i'm gonna paste on a smile and i'm gonna walk over to the white house uh whether i mean i'm gonna walk over invite you to the white house even though i lost and i'm giving up this great palace because that's that was just well that's what that and that is what trump has [ __ ] broken and thrown to the floor well i will say that he has he seems to have narcissistic tendencies i'm not 100 sure well let me just tell you i mean you george let's go back because there's been an ugliness throughout our history there has but but a difference in degree is not a difference in kind this is a difference in kind the guy who says on tape you have to find me eleven thousand votes that guy has that's about it that guy has to go to jail the guy who says just send electors who are fake to january 6th that that guy has to be in jail the guy who says uh sir they're going to hang mike pence good he deserves it that guy has got to go to jail well this this is a i know it's troublesome you can't what i believe we should do first of all also representative lewis okay who is a sun louis yes this guy is a civil civil rights this is how we got beaten this is a guy who stood up but at the same time when when trump became president it was a travesty to not accept him as president that was a that set a they never accept anybody nobody didn't accept obama but that's one thing to say accepting someone is not the same thing as contesting the elections because it's telling people well people are not as smart as you yes they have but but but that is different to go publicly and say that i do not accept him as this and to start this whole [ __ ] of of this whole russian collusion thing which is book but let me just say this the thing about power what makes you should be there but well the the thing about power and what makes a great leader is people who step away from the power when george washington was asked would you be king great rob listen to yourself people who have the dignity to step away from the power like george washington gosh who can i think of who doesn't have that exact quality of being able to step away from the power yes well that is a detrimental who god damn it i can't think right now detrimental somebody recently i know it's recent i didn't think that his legacy of a great real estate oh okay but let's talk about your psychological issues dr gabor see if we by the end of this you should read the book it can connect your psychological issues and get you back to not thinking well i will say this i mean i i'm always gonna take i'm high right now i'm always going to take the position of the underdog no matter what and the people in power which happens to be well that's silly no no no not always i mean what if the underdog is wrong well i'm not talking about i'm not talking about but i'm saying like the people in power the people that are are not in power i think it's important to to attack what is in power and like the difference is here's my problem with the way it is both democrats and republicans it's very simple this goes back to like noam chomsky which he says this noam chomsky is right about a lot a lot of stuff some he was a little crazy about this you know putting people in prisons who were you know who were unvaccinated that was that it was very far left he's very lunacy however he did say like americans are allowed to discuss very viciously very very angrily and they can have incredible arguments about a small number of issues i agree but you don't have them arguing about stuff that's of like uh foreign policy and like at wars they're just not interested and they're not knowledgeable enough to even have the discussion that's the problem really that is a problem really i mean they're not like us with the von trippen rip and drop i mean i got two more of those i mean sleeve can you see jay leno and rodney talking about that hey here's robin trippingtop let me tell this guy a guy did not know how to wear a suit you know i think that stalin is quite a dictator isn't he this guy really he likes being a dog i tell you at the parade the other day kept looking the wrong way they're coming from the left to the right this guy's looking from the right to the left this guy but i do think i do think that there is there has always been a this ugliness in politics but i just don't think it's become to the level of entertainment yes trying to steal an election no not conceding an election that you absolutely lost that every court that you threw your ridiculous [ __ ] against said you lost republican secretaries of state who counted the votes said you lost this is different this is not ugliness rob in politics yes there's always ugliness ugliness everywhere this is a whole different kettle of fish it's this it's i don't get it where you guys who are i mean i you're so sane i think on so many other things where you confront wokeness in the same way i do yeah but i don't know what this affection you boys have for no it's not necessarily just past rationality and you should check yourself on that with your psychiatrist with your psychiatrist because it must go back to the [ __ ] philippine invasion it made i'm sure that there's something in there i first of all you know i'm i'm one of the few people i'm the only person you're ever going to meet who made a movie with donald trump first of all let me just say that right now he owned the the uh home alone 2. he owned he owned the hotel and eventually we knew we're going to have to put him in the movie because i made a movie with the donald trump look-alike donald trump lookout yeah what was that pizza man in 1990 it was made on a budget of a half a million dollars i was the pizza man and it was uh all about how this pizza man was trying to get his just his 15 and 23 cents for the pizza and he uncovers this web of crime and it leads to all these look-alikes um michael dukakis anyone who and the big uh villain at the end is donald trump we forget that he was like famous i did a people didn't hate him in new york at that time i was at a party with alec baldwin and him at the snl ford and it was like and everybody would seem to be getting along oh yeah the thing about is like here's what needs to happen we cannot have i mean i mean here's what i think would be better idea because people the scrutiny that you must go through to become president or to be to run for high office in this is unbelievable so i think you just take the most talented guys that there is and it's like a sentence you got to do this for four years and we got to pick between those guys and they have no way out so you have you have to choose well elon musk can't win but you know he's from south africa a big fan of him but yeah but i'm saying though you know you do have you know just the way i believe about the presidential thing and the whole thing is if you want to be president that should automatically disqualify you from running for that but that's a catch-22 that we could never get around we can't but why do we need these leaders all the time we should i am against what's happening which is you know a consolidation of no here's my problem i'm not a trump supporter we have to know that right now i think he has i think at the end of the day he was i i what i want to have is a fractured government and not having the powers of the executive branch okay the executive branch running everything which is what's happening now you can't just make 125 you should have like it's just like in football or baseball but they get two referees you throw the flag and then that's the one you get that's your executive order you get two per year and you can't have 125. now why did you rise in your chair to make that point i mean that that is i love the glasses around that what do you think about some reading here during the show this is a nightclub this is old this is club random i'm [ __ ] oh you're not gonna need glasses here okay all right in fact it's probably better if you don't see a lot of this stuff i'm old i'm oh you saw the dolphin thing no way let me put the glasses on take a look you and i holy [ __ ] i do remember that you and i did a sketch san francisco 2000 yes unpolitically incorrect that's right because the big story in the day was ellie and gonzalez cuban boy who washed on shore yeah i mean people don't remember and i'm sure the young ones you don't have any reason to know this but this would not be a story today no one would give a [ __ ] oh i think they would you think they would a cuban kid okay if people don't remember yeah i mean people have been trying to get out of cuba for the longest time because i think we would agree communism is evil yeah i would i've always said ronald reagan never was more truthful than when he said it's an evil empire communism is horrible yeah so any of you kids who think it might be worth another try yeah read something about it okay so this kid elian gonzalez and his mother left cuba trying to make the 90 miles to miami on a raft on a rubber tire the mother dies on the trip elian washes up on shore he has relatives there who take him in like an uncle yeah they were a little bit of a sketchy family and it became one of the first examples of like partisanship like we're no we're just not going to care about anything but what team we're on because the republicans who were always like the family value people they were like no cuba is evil which it was the government so he should stay here because this is america and america is the best place and the democrats are like no he should be with his father he still has a father in cuba yeah and it turned out that was the right thing i mean cuba is a troubled place but it was better to be with the family who okay but that was a very tough call for people so i people are so politicized when you have family members murdered by castro and you're in south florida and then the idea i mean it just brings up these hot button things but do you remember sitting on my lap because i was in i was in the i was the dolphin that you rode to america on and you were ellie and gonzalez that's right yes i know that's what you believe we were ever that young can you believe that people no one complained about the sketch either why would they because they're not just saying everybody complains right and right and you were playing someone who was not exactly i'm not exactly what you are i could have done the whole thing but i didn't do it how ballsy was pacinos uh that just taken that choice i'm going to do this for the whole movie for scarface and i'm going to commit to it like a monster you have to see that movie scarface as a black comet right it's very similar to in my view to apocalypse now yes apocalypse now which you know a great vietnam movie but it's not like platoon the tone is completely different it's a black comedy yes kubrick's movie too yeah to a degree yes yeah if you see kubrick's uh oh yeah the full metal jacket full metal jacket if you see it as a comedy you will get more out of it miss a horny yeah he's so horny i show you good times i mean that got into a song remember that no by two live crew you remember two live crew yeah i remember the first rap i ever bought that's when i knew i had made it when jason put me horny jay-z put me in a song back in like 2000 or whatever jay-z yeah and it was like like a deuce bigelow and i went holy [ __ ] oh that movie's like holy [ __ ] that must have happened that one holds up thank you they wouldn't let me do that again you know i like that like amy poehler's embarrassed that she was ever in it because we you know she's they would never have that where someone has disney made that movie with someone has tourette syndrome who's embarrassed oh amy poehler i'm she's embarrassed about what being in it that was her first movie role before she got started i don't know she never talks about it that's her first role she ever had you know she's embarrassed because i was so funny it was one of those [ __ ] things where you know you're just flipping late night channels you don't think you're going to get like a a public [ __ ] you from anybody you know and i was watching it and two of the girls gayle o'grady and amy poehler and they were watching they're playing celebrity poker and like oh they were both induced pickle and they start and they they they announced what their credits were and none of them said my movie i went ah [ __ ] why do i watch tv listen to this two times within one month this happened to me i'm in bed like at night and when i watch tv at the end of the day that's why you're not supposed to because your eyes you know you wear blue no i mean you shouldn't wear blue blockers because like the light is telling your body stay up and you're trying to go to sleep but that's what i want to do at the end of the day it's the most passive thing i don't want to read i already read a lot okay i want to watch tv so yeah i'm in bed i'm ready to go to sleep i was watching this show on um uh showtime it was about uber and the founding of uber called super pumped have you heard of it or no but i've i've i've taken a new video all right it was with uh joseph gordon-levitt who was terrific and okay i was especially interested it was an interesting subject because i know travis call colonic whatever his name is who was the uber founder he had a very dramatic rise and fall they threw him out of his own company you know yeah he was very brash and brilliant but brash blah blah blah so i'm watching this and also i knew i from reading the reviews that there was a part in there because arianna huffington my dear one of my dearest friends for 30 years okay had a part because she was on the board of uber she came in at a certain point as kind of one of their saviors so i was like oh and uma thurman is playing ariana huffington and i'm like oh this is awesome i can't wait to see somebody play ariana and so i'm waiting and she doesn't make an appearance till like the fourth episode and what she does her first line is she goes up to travis he's had a bad day and she's going travis the bad boy of silicon valley and he's like please ariana had a bad day says oh don't worry about it i've had to have lunch with bill maher and pat buchan like had to have lunch like you think one of my best friends in the world would say that and but like when you're sitting in bed waiting to go to sleep and you're like you're like oh i just want to drift off and then like you want an [ __ ] i need to be up for another two hours it's so funny because like i remember like when when um uh it was uh the guys from south park did an episode which was very funny and i have to say they you know my friend from the same since matt salmon said they could have been way meaner but they were like you know i was one of i was like with the third movie that i'd done rob schneider is an animal raj schneider is a male prostitute rob schneider is the girl whatever the [ __ ] so they said rob schneider is a stapler rob schneider is the carrot because sometimes a carrot doesn't and it was very funny and and my friend like matt salmon from the simpsons a genius writer he said they could have been meaner you know but i just remember like how people wanted that to hurt you you know they're like i did that you see you know you know what i mean they wanted that absolutely did it did it make it did it bleed did it cut you exactly you know no i know no and you know those guys look there is no bigger fan in the world of their movie that they did with the puppets oh my god a team america team america team america is one of the greatest comedies ever made it's really one of the greatest it is brilliant on every level and i i have to give it up to those guys and the fact that that's not the biggest movie makes me so [ __ ] angry at the public i don't i don't really ever watch south park a because i'm loyal to my boyfriend scott mcfarland and that's pepsi and coke exactly and i love my family guy um i know people love it and i'm sure it's very clever and they're clever and that movie is just genius i can watch it every day incredible but will you ask us mcfarland why he [ __ ] put some i get these [ __ ] every once in a while some social media thing like rob schneider strangles migrant farm workers in the shower and seth did that on family guy one episode that's one of those things what does that even mean i don't understand but please ask seth but the whole point wait you're strangling farmworkers but i don't get what the joke i i will tell you it's it's something in one of their episodes and it's enough for like i've heard it so many times from people coming up to me it's just one of those things i'm just in pop culture enough where people go well that guy but you're not safe to go after but which is not strangling migrants i want to know what the connection is i don't understand i don't know it but it's just one of those things like you have to just like okay so anyway here's my here's my end to my story about the south park guys okay yeah so i was thinking about watching that show at one point and then i read it there's there during a playboy interview and like the one of them says something like uh kind of out of the blue i mean whatever the i don't know but the question was where they're talking about their personal life and he was like well i don't want to be in my 40s like bill maher and still going to the playboy mansion and i just remember thinking trust me [ __ ] when you're in your 40s you're going to wish you were there you're going to [ __ ] wish you were there as a matter of fact one of the last times people should know when you take gratuitous shots yeah people in show business are sensitive we all are i know and i'm sure i've done it to people but when you do it they notice and and it's not like that there's not a ripple in that pond that goes out it's not like it doesn't happen it's it's just but the fact of the matter is we have to like be we're super hyper sensitive and we shouldn't be two guys i'm doing a [ __ ] show after this we wouldn't be in this business you have to have the hypersensitivity and a huge ego you got to have both it's got to be low self-esteem and a [ __ ] giant ego for no reason to back it up we're not normal we're not but like tonight after the after here i got to go do a show on melrose with two people the [ __ ] i know hate me you know pat and oswald and this other comedian but they wrote a book and both the books they [ __ ] on me and it's like you know what who i hate is not those guys as much as the friends who tell you did you read that in the book you know that friend who tells you okay wait a second what is the show and why do you have to do that i don't know because adam carol you reached out to me gig for me it's going to be on melrose and i said yeah you're coming on mill rose it's at the improv just come to a set and i said absolutely i'll figure out i ca make me understand i understand who adam corolla is i know where melrose is i got a movie i'm now called daddy daughter tripp and i'm doing press i never do press anymore because i don't give a [ __ ] why are you burying the lead about plugging something you're on something that people are going to hear you're like trying to like trying to hide it okay i got a movie coming out yeah so anyway i'm doing this so coming out crawling he called me up and he did what is the name of the movie daddy daughter trip okay where is this it's the only move my wife won't let my kids see where is this movie it's going to be just playing in arizona to start oh it's a theater movie it's a theater okay yeah and then it's going to go out otherwise so you're you're doing this thing on melrose to plug it well i'm i'm going i went on adam today okay adam crowley's show with them and then i'm on i'm going to come into yours and i'm doing some promotion to promote the movie coming up and so he said you come down to a set i didn't know it's going to be like pat and oswald sarah silverman and i love sarah but like i just it was just that right you're with some super woke comedian yes and i don't need that [ __ ] sweetheart i don't either and i love sarah i don't know pat not well but patton and i he he came after me once and then i saw him at a dinner we patched it up it was nice he was he had a he [ __ ] on me in his book yeah he [ __ ] on me once on twitter but like at this yeah and it's like the thing about it is like he shouldn't but well he should stop like so many of the people in show business stop being indoctrinated you know what there's there's liberalism and then a lot of you are just [ __ ] indoctrinated yes and like what a [ __ ] this guy is let me tell you about pat and oswald here's the thing that bothers me talk about whatever you want and like i get it and he's brilliant blah blah blah but he [ __ ] took a picture with dave chappelle and [ __ ] apologized for it that that is a piece what a [ __ ] [ __ ] i've never apologized for a [ __ ] joke in my life and believe me when i did the the uh the netflix special the last thing they cut [ __ ] so they got 15 minutes out 15 wait wait wait you have a netflix special i came out well thank you it came out two years ago during the okay well okay i probably saw it but 20 years ago two years ago but i'm saying though they cut the stuff out you know and it's the god bless them that they got their thing but like there's some stuff that i wish they wouldn't have that that but that's like well i must say i'm not bitter you can tell i must say they didn't do a very good job of promoting it they didn't because i would have watched it if i knew you had a special oh thank you i would totally be there the only reason i didn't see that is because i never knew about it well and that's not really on you well i think that they they just they have a lot of content they get so big they just but they push their big guys yes but i like i mean you know the stuff that they cut out was stuff that chappelle did in his you know what's the same subject matter i mean i'm not taking away from chappelle he's a genius you know he's he's the you know of that generation the best comedian for sure you know he came after us um and really believe that or do you just have to say that yes uh you do i do i mean i'm a huge fan of his but i also think people just at some some point people just line up behind an opinion because it is the correct opinion i think well i mean i will say there's like i don't i mean there's uh a number of comedians that i think are great including myself he yes absolutely absolutely your last special was great thank you and and the thing about it was like that's why you say opinions that's what i love about it because like you one of the few guys who can will say an opinion that is contrary against the [ __ ] mob yes and you have to do that and that's why like my act and what i'm doing now is is contrary to the opinion and i don't mind being conservative because i'm not a conservative [ __ ] traditional liberalism but traditional liberalism gets [ __ ] shoved into a corner and they call us right-wingers very hard to put labels on things we won't go back into the trump thing um to me that's a bridge too far but there's lots of things you and i uh hold hands on there's lots of oh yes of course we are cousins well here's what happened absolutely i mean like it was me i'm going to move up again physically physically intimidating here's the thing it's like this it's like traditional liberalism it's like i'm for [ __ ] free for free speech guys who do that with the knee like this is gonna really drop i know you don't agree with him but this is gonna really drive him the point if i touch your knee right there that's my point and so you have traditional liberalism and what happened in my opinion was they have no [ __ ] place else to go so they kept going anyway it's like the gay rights needed to happen for sure it's the civil rights of the [ __ ] 70s and 80s right gay people need to have the right to adopt children if they want to and have a family and they should not be they should get help [ __ ] insurance of course you know they need to [ __ ] if they want to be just as miserable as me is the old joke right get married yes you know i'm all for it right what happened was they went to go live their life and improve neighborhoods so that we could move into it after it gets improved right they can risk their lives build up that neighborhood and then all of a sudden it's an arty area now that used to be a poor area right and then what happened was they left to go live their lives in the freeze [ __ ] country in the history of the world and they left the door open and the crazy gay people snuck in and that and for for different rights that actually aren't a problem there aren't and i hate to say i don't know if it was other gay people like no no it's the crazy people who are it's like it's like it's just yes i mean i i see andrew sullivan talks about it yes i love andrew sullivan he's he's so he's so sensible he is it's like he doesn't know there's that's called the conservative now he was fairly conservative liberally but not crazy no but you could you could sit down and love love 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but i'm certainly on your page in general that what happened with liberalism is an actual undoing of liberalism in fact that's in the thing i'm writing this week that's going to be on friday illiberal in the guys liberals that they you know they go 10 subway stops past what made sense you know what you were just saying about gay marriage and stuff that made sense and then we have to like fall asleep on the f train and wake up at men are pregnant yeah yeah i'm sorry what happened yeah exactly we fell asleep on the train and when it came to the end of the line we were at menarche and if you don't and if you say they can't get pregnant you're [ __ ] kicked off water and you know right yes so it's but that's a lunacy that we have to [ __ ] call but the the thing about it is that the liberalism is you know just just to make it simplify it a bunch of [ __ ] [ __ ] that won't call [ __ ] on [ __ ] and the people that we get grouped in as like me i get group that is the right winger now and i'm not right well that also has to do with the medical aspect which you and i both have got our share of [ __ ] about oh yeah and i don't think it should be a political issue at all but it becomes a political issue because the people who believe that i should be able to make medical decisions which are personal decisions outside of politics i should be able to make all of those that has cost me more than anything else especially in a country that has done such a [ __ ] job keeping its population healthy and then you want to tell me oh follow these people well i don't want to you know i want to follow obama told me if you like your doctor you can keep your doctor yeah well i do like my doctor and i have kept more than one doctor but they all are at variance with what fauci and a lot of other people don't want to farm when doctors are afraid to actually say oh yeah think what's best for the patient there's no drug that's 100 safe 100 percent of the time and you have no where there is risk where there is risk there must be choice or we don't have freedom it's medicine and we all have and we all have different health profiles i mean the idea that they tell you from washington all do this like what other thing that you went to the doctor for would they ever do that i mean if you had a decent doctor he would look at everything he would look at your history your profile risk all the different factors if he was a real good doctor he'd also say and what do you eat and how many medals do you have in your body how much do you spend time on your phone with the thing next to your head there's a million different factors how many x-rays have you had how much mercury you know all these things but that's not the country we live in the country we live in is you do it our way this is one thing we do for the and it's mostly you know for the people who care for themselves the least now that's your choice that is but i don't want to have to we have to say this and it's hard because there is a kindness underneath this but that kindness correct [ __ ] killing people correct the liberalism is the way to think it is the right way freedom freedom of speech freedom of to choose what you want to do but what happens is when we get to the point where we say oh we have to accept everybody as they are we have to accept these obese people i'm sorry if any weight is healthier what about what about anorexic people i'm sorry that's not [ __ ] healthy and we have to stop being political well i i'm gonna i'm gonna just correct this because i bet you you don't mean it either we have to accept all people yes certainly and love all people exactly what we don't have to do this was my editorial last week then of course they all went nuts on twitter about what we don't have to do is accept lies like healthy at any weight yes we have to that's a lie and i don't accept lies you know people said to me your thing about obesity last week it wasn't about obesity i've done those before my thing last week was about lying just don't lie to me don't tell me healthy at any weight and we do that all the time we do that what happens is it's under the mask of kindness which is [ __ ] things up i was very good friends with dick gregory spending with homeless people well definitely mentioned homeless yes well dick gregory well dick craig might talk about the fatness dick gregory who was a really the jackie robinson of comedy he really was and we had a nice documentary that um on as andre i'm sorry i forget his name now who directed it he did a beautiful job and the family is a beautiful family this this guy used to have to break down walls yeah to get obese people out so that they didn't die in this place and and get them on this diet of this this just just a literally a liquid diet until they could lose hundreds of pounds and they did right and this guy dedicated and you know his life to this so we can't just um ignore the fact it is not kind you can love everybody right but let's let's talk about how to make people healthy with homeless it's not kind it isn't to leave them on the street this is my thing and your thing i think about going 10 subway stops past where we should be with homelessness somehow they got to the place where not getting them off the streets was compassion right how dare you yeah you can't what that would that would be the old way of being compassionate you don't have a house i'm going to try to get you one and put you in one yes but now the compassion is no well yeah they're what lifestyle that's what's happening under the stars well it's it's it is it is under the mask of kindness there's an ugliness there's a and then what happens is there's stupidity it is well you have it in san francisco and saying yeah i'll tell you i i i never thought i know that's your place oh my god i never thought i'd give it up i had a place which is remembering a rooftop i used to go to a nightclub you own yes yeah yeah the dna lounge the dna lounge when i used to like do stand-up and then go to club oh yeah those are fun oh my god i wanna i always say this i'm gonna write when i write my memoirs it's gonna be called who was in my body because who was in my body when i used to go out to clubs oh yeah like alone like i do a show and then tell the driver yeah take me to the dna lounge but i love that club that was when when that was going off cause san francisco is a town i must tell you where it's hard to find the party yes it is clicky yes yes it's you know it's a little snobby for small you know and so i never but that place i had that place wired let me tell you something oh you did i had it wired and also like when i had like many love stars yeah right when you own a club and that was fun at the time we i know i lost money it was worth every penny but let me tell you i had a movie star huh who was in your body well that you started a well disco well the thing about it was like you know my brother at the time he was looking for something to to do would be fun and my dad and i made the mistake of like surrounding him with women while he was married women and and drugs at the club well there was just there was just there was still the it was the end of the 80s early 90s was right some of that druggy kind of right in there but the the it was a fun special time that i but at the same time what happened i thought i'd never give up that uh that san francisco place i'm talking about when the you know when the the angels planes come by uh blue angels yeah from my rooftop of my condo i could it was a 100 year old building i could see the helmet and the glasses on the dude they would buzz it and i had a view of the bay to me that was like the blue angels flying over san francisco no because they would do it every year like around july 4th for a while you go up on the roof and you you know smoke a bong and you'd watch these guys but well it must have been for a reason oh no it was just celebrating july 4th oh july 4th so it was just it was just that blue angels every year but anyway and then i started getting better that shouldn't go over well at berkeley right across the way i'm sure they hated it so anyway then i started getting these bills this is like not that long ago before literally like you need to remove the toilets in front of your of your of your house and i was like i don't have toilets from my house what are you talking about and so i went out there and they were using the flower pots as toilets yes and now let's go back and realize when this started and it was under the reagan administration i guess you could say that's considerate yeah at least they're using the flower pots so fertilizer they're actually the the very i understand your tomatoes were amazing that year so but [Laughter] it was reagan that [ __ ] it up by closing the um by closing mental health places yes and that was the beginning of the end of that and then you had it just it was a slow build and now you have a point where in san francisco it's crazy you can't there have this where you know you have this you they give you drugs people come from all over the world to get the free drugs in san francisco right that's a point where this is enabling if you were the mother they would come and say you got to stop doing this right you're enabling your kid to do these drugs so you have that and where are these free drugs right acro right across from city hall it's a joke that really shouldn't work at my age because like if anyone thought it better be like come on bill yeah you're rich you're 66 you don't need free drugs write it out into this yes write it out into the sunset that joke come on it's an acronym leno would not be uh you know give it a try you know it depends on your audience you know but we had fun up in san francisco when we did that show oh we had just like three thousand five hundred crazy people huge fans of politically incorrect yeah and we had a blast at that time the show's different than your show now and i love your show oh yeah but the problem is thank you they're listening to me the problem i'm going to be here's the problem with your show is that like their needs in the old show we would go half the show that had nothing to do with politics we would just go off on some funny tangents that's why i'm doing this well this yes because this doesn't have to be political and real time is i mean it's it's it gets into pop culture issues if they write like johnny depp trial if they rise to the left if they do of something that's intellectually nutritious well there's where else other conversations except your show exactly conversations right about something real yeah not just about trivial look everybody else is interviewing the third lead on a sitcom right that's not what i'm interested in and that's not what i'm doing and you know the show you are more centrist you've always been a liberal that i respect liberal principles somehow a liberal and also a libertarian because yes when politically incorrect was firsthand all they said the word that was in every article was libertarian because i am a libertarian but i'm also a liberal also a conservative i'm also whatever works and makes sense right it makes sense but the problem is now is that you don't have this you don't you no longer have this debate for better ideas what you have now is demonizing and censoring of people now that is coming specifically from the party in power and the tech companies and that's illiberal liberalism so that's why i've gone down that road to conservatism because you have to fight against this [ __ ] you have to because if we continue to give into this [ __ ] the very foundations of of what we love about this country are being diminished well they're being they're being diminished and threatened from both sides i would agree with you the extremists on both sides because if you go between l.a the extremists on one side are like 44 at least 40 percent of the party of the republican party you really believe that i don't believe that that's what the polls show at least at least 40 of the party of the republican party thinks donald trump won the election in 2020. that's plainly not the case well would you say here's their argument beyond the shadow of the jedi you did not win the election in 2020. it's an ultimate deal right here with you either you either come to the right but that reality okay but here's where you put it or your wall up and i'm just going to ask you it's not a wall yes my wall is reality right in reality trump lost that attraction re-election is like this is a [ __ ] wall you see can i ask a question there's no give in this okay no give at all but then then if if you're the certainty is there i didn't build the wall but they are now but they're not admitting it we're not finishing the law we're cleaning up what the former administration did is that building a wall we're not building a wall we're just simply cleaning up stuff in in the form of a wall we're taking some garbage that was there people need a wall at all but wouldn't you say wouldn't you say as someone who was not a popular leader somehow in the tally of the votes and i disappointing this as a question he somehow got more votes than obama i'm just asking as a question of just well there were more people i don't even obama ran in 2012 he ran in 2020. uh they're more people i mean okay you know their arguments are just i'm just asking a question i well it's a dumb question because it's it's been two years since the election or more yeah and we've answered these questions and again if you watched any of the january 6 trial these are i mean uh hearings these are i like that there's no crosstalk there's also all republicans but i also like that there's you can't you can't there's no cross-examination that's an interesting trial that was their choice that was theirs well they refused to participate right blah blah blah but i i would say the fact that everybody who we hear from is a republican is cross-examination enough because whatever okay but when we have somebody talking here's the [ __ ] you have to [ __ ] call on this now just let's let's lose party for a second and say when it's hearsay evidence from somebody who talked to somebody who knew somebody that that talked that lived next to somebody who was the driver in the [ __ ] limo i mean look trump is not that was not okay to to put yourself over country that is a gigantic red line that no one should ever cross and that is a that goes against the last great progressive and why are we arguing no because at the same time you have to respect cannot we're done but right red line you can't grow you can't cross right okay he did he did okay that is that is a uh that that will go down in history okay that will go down in history as a gigantic blunder and and you know to your point about was there here say yes the thing about grabbing the wheel of the limo i i see that you're uh uh kind of upset about that i agree it probably didn't happen and the pt probably didn't happen well but it there are mistakes but the facts are he still hasn't conceded the election to this day that he has not conceded the that is an election day by day active sedition let's that is big that's a big word then i'm gonna have to look up and call jay about let's no look let me say this let's be that is that is a travesty and that is a detriment to our country that that is a dr a contra that is goes against the great leaders of our country the last progressive president of our country who had a lot of issues too he [ __ ] up and in it with vietnam obviously you can say that after but you can you can also say and and the and the hate list that nixon had however we have to when it came time for him to put country first he did yes that's a detriment to trump's about nixon yes okay as long as you're about nixon and not trump right nixon is uh to me head and shoulders above trump even on his drunkest absolutely i mean and i'm not a giant nixon fan and he was uh he should be pretty pretty shitty in some ways but yes absolutely before he was before watergate ensnared him can i throw in any anybody yes he absolutely was it was a centrist a smart car can i throw it at you you don't know you're right no no no no more than just the epa the environmental protection agency and making sure that women had a chance to play sports title he also was for universal healthcare let me just tell you that and he was opposed by you absolutely who was he opposed by the democrats edward kennedy really so now so you have like people who had a chance to put in stuff kennedy was against universal health care absolutely you look it up i will look it up the the other thing is is that like i didn't know that well like uh talking about abortion since you brought it up but but when when okay obama had a chance to legislate that and said it's not a list of priorities nixon became president yes wait a second 68 no he was elected in 68. he took office january 20th my birthday 1969 on my half birthday july 20th people landed on the moon and ted kennedy drove into a river yes okay yes so um i don't know if that had anything to do with his health care uh maybe he was distracted but i can't believe that ted kennedy was against universal health you got to look it up if i'm wrong about that i'll i will let's share but it doesn't matter the point the bigger point remains that nixon was uh a smart even vietnam um which uh obviously was one of our big tragedies in american that's not just the tragedy of vietnam but right it was not cambodian it was nothing to do with the [ __ ] morning it was easy it's always easy to get into a war it's hard to get out yes and nixon did get out but of course it took a whole four years now could somebody had done better yes probably but i don't know i can't remember and it's too far back in time all i know is in sean penn's great movie about uh uh i forget the name in the word nixon's in the title but there's a guy and he because he's a salesman that's the party he's playing and he says richard nixon ran for office in 1968. on the platform of getting america out of vietnam yes he didn't do it and in 1972 he ran on the platform of getting america out of vietnam that's a salesman right yeah well my dad voted for him in 68 because he was he was talking about getting us out of that war so that's the thing about people need to know that like people fight for domestic things on a very not even enough of them frankly because they won't go up they don't won't go up against the pharmaceutical you know uh controlled government that we have now but at the same time the foreign policy stays the same that's why like 40 billion in ukraine god knows how much is getting to the front whatever it's extending this conflict and it's both parties both parties are wrong about this and like they're very what should we do about you we have to let first of all we should have never allowed it to become a fight we should have turned we should have i mean gorbachev let me tell you gorbachev was promised by james baker it was promised not 10 steps past poland that's a long time ago i know it is but i'm telling you that the russians were told that not 10 steps past poland okay that was the promise and now they're at the border putting missiles at the border just imagine china putting missiles in mexico but that wasn't the last century in gorbachev okay i think gorbachev you know was one of those let's talk about missiles radical statesmen in history who hasn't gotten his do he hasn't but he will let me tell you this yes let's take let's take china wanting let's put china putting missiles in mexico pointing to us that's what we're talking about missiles from nato pointed at russia from ukraine so i just want to say because that goes against the grain from what everybody wants what time is your double date i'm not doing another show tonight i'm going to stay here till make sure yeah what time is your double date with pat oswalt i don't know um no first of all he's a funny comic i don't mean to jitter but i thought wouldn't it wouldn't have a [ __ ] the photo thing pissed me off i don't blame you when he tweeted about me whatever he was it pissed me off but what i'm saying is you know to apropos to our discussion about the country at large yeah when i saw patton i came to some dinner i remember it was like a year after i don't know two years who knows i smoke pot and um my phone's my phone's ringing i'm supposed to be at that club i'm not gonna do it i'm not doing it i'm not doing it [ __ ] sorry i can't talk now i'll wrap it up but when i went to i saw this do i went to a dinner i think al franken was there sarah was there yeah and i didn't know patton was there i could have been like you know this [ __ ] [ __ ] he you know and i think it was something i said about islam which i'm clear-eyed about and not an islamophobe yeah and not a racist it's a religion not a race we won't get into that but yes it's one of those issues where the woke are very very benighted and i'm clear-eyed about it without being you know i think you don't want to attack people like that right beautiful woman um i what's her name ayan herself she's a hero she's not embraced by the liberal intelligence right so much sam harris tells a great story about a bunch of white girls walking out on iron hersey yeah someone who was brought up in somalia and was the victim of genital um you know gentle mutilation general mutilation and lots of other horrible petricidal unbelievable that western women pretend that they're so against and then she goes to the then she goes let's continue she goes to holland the point is becomes a legislator i certainly thought he was out of line with whatever he tweeted about me and it but instead of like when i was younger i probably would have been like oh this i'm not even talking to him yeah you know because we were always feuding when we were young i was like okay you know maybe he had a bad day or maybe we can talk this out and it so like that's what america has to do like i don't i don't hate you you said one thing which i really thought was out of line but you know maybe if i just engaged you and that's exactly what happened and i wound up talking to him about health and he wound up saying i have emails or i don't have them but i had them but were like oh you know you really saved my life because i'm doing this like i hipped him onto this like certain kind of fast you could do and stuff like that i mean that's what america has to do right and he's really a i mean he's a super talented guy and a great guy he's clearly like again i think some of these people get hard work and brilliant indoctrinated into stuff i think they've been watching too much msnbc all day and it's like it's just coming from a place of trying to grow perfect exactly right and i just want to talk to them but again you have to talk to people and of course it's the same thing with the right i mean you and i argued tonight yeah but it wasn't it was wonderful we can disagree and still love each other and still respect each other there's not one moment where i said to myself rob isn't agreeing with me fully on this i hate him and he's stupid that's not what i said at all and even in my mind that's where we have to go it is and that's where we're not that far apart because once you have conversations the problem is right we don't have a media that is allowing dissent and conversation and so you don't really have any objectivity and i will tell you the story from i won't say his name but like a friend of mine who's a former fortune fortune 500 ceo was having a conversation with the the publisher of the new york times and he was saying there seems to be a lack of of um of of a certain discernibility to which side you're leaning towards and he was trying to be very he's like a ceo would be very very you know calm and and also not deliberate and not attacking right and he said i feel it is my and the the new york times you know the the the publisher is like i feel it is my it is my moral duty above and beyond any uh anything of that det to make sure that donald trump does not become president again and while i i agree that that that you know donald trump is there's clearly um that that that happened yeah that's not really the job of the newspaper but it is just tell me just tell me the fact you have to because the facts about donald trump are so damning that you don't need to put your thumb on this guy i mean just the fact that you know that's if you go down the road and see the times that he he'd had you know his buildings built and didn't pay people that says all you know right that's it however you have like you have to also respect there is a there isn't something about like even though he i couldn't say that he had respect for the office himself i do think that we need to continue to have respect for our office we have to respect the executive branch we need to definitely respect you know the judicial branch that is very alarming to me you know thomas soule is a you know bro wow a lot too now but he's talking about like right we had 92. he said we have crossed brilliant the rubicon here right where we can threaten judges that is is very unique and that that is the reason why that's a law that that is happening and that is not being prosecuted that's a real issue the kids who don't know vaughn rip and trump what are they going to make about the rubicon this well i i will say look that the the fact that you and i yes you know i'm so glad we did this can i tell you that it's been it's been a long time it's been too long one of the great things about this [ __ ] club random thing is there's not a lot but a few people who like i really haven't connected with ever but i always wanted to i knew them but didn't really know them and then i sit here and it's like oh my god we wasted a lot of years i feel like we wasted a lot of years but i hope we don't waste i hope you know no because i i enjoy talking to you so much and i so appreciate the balls you have to not you know kanye west who i have like everyone some issues with lots of stuff but when he said about trump the mob can't make me hate him i was like i love you for that and you know how i feel about trump yeah but the mob can't make me exactly somehow we have to keep both those things in our mind the same i can hate donald trump and i can love kanye west for saying the mob can't make me hate him and you i feel like among a very few people the mob doesn't make you your career whatever it is they can threaten the mob can't make you do what you don't believe or what you don't think that is to me something that i find i'm so admiring of that thank you i really appreciate that and it has cost me dearly yeah in this [ __ ] show businessy thing but i will say this and it's just like you know a guy like mark twain who just this is when we didn't have our presidents weren't um weren't getting some kind of pension and uh grant at that time was writing uh his autobiography to make money ulysses s grant and he was a war general and president of the united states this guy 1839 yeah and he broke he wanted to make sure yes he wanted to make sure that his wife could have would pay off this after andrew johnson and this guy that misunderstood best mark twain went there and helped him finish that book and did that for them is that right i never knew that now mark twain finished grant's book because i know grant was on his deathbed he wanted the money for his family yes and mark twain came in he went there and absolutely did you know what i thought when i read it i saw some twain in there i was like somebody [ __ ] ghost wrote that [ __ ] but that that is something that's a guy like yeah to me if that like i really respect that incredible man samuel clemens and i do feel like he was aware of his time yeah and where and i do feel like you have to for whatever reason whatever fame whatever i've had i think you have to be somewhat um aware of our times in our times right hanging out with gregory made me you know he if he said oh you hung out with him well yeah well i i knew did pretty darn good you know because i had like 20 years ago this you know when i got home he died recently right he did yeah and he was out there the last time i told him okay he called him uh just to say hi he yelled at me because i called from hawaii i was doing some show over there with adam sandler and i called him up and he said so what what are you what you calling me right now for and i went like dick i just want to tell you i love you i haven't told you i haven't been talking he said you know i got to go on stage in 45 minutes i mean don't you you come on you know what it's like like doing i'm going over my [ __ ] man i was like i'm sorry dick last time i ever spoke to him but um the thing was like dick was he would have jokes about like by the time he would bring america together with his jokes very much like george carl did but he would say before george collins was dick gregory and he would say like by the time they finally i was able to eat in a diner next to a white man they didn't have anything i wanted you know and i said no that's what i got i got a yeah he was good i got to look him up so i know what all is and i i think biography but i i put country before career at some point this country's giving me everything and for someone like from my background who you know and mixed-race background i do feel like i've always kind of felt like an outsider when you're asian and american yeah you got to play that card more well i don't because i don't want to be that [ __ ] guy to be like you need one asian right you know who needs this [ __ ] it's the time to do it right now it really is i just you're a person of color i just need that and i need some kind of sexual abuse that happened to me uh and so that i could and then then i got the whole package all right well we can arrange the abuse all right thank you hey this was great let's do it again give me a big

Channel: Club Random Podcast

Views: 535,715

Keywords: club random podcast, club random, podcast, bill maher, bill, maher, club random with bill maher, real time, real time with bill maher, Rob Schneider, rob schneider snl, rob schneider adam sandler, rob schneider movies, rob schneider comedy, rob schneider standup, rob schneider the waterboy, rob schneider interview, rob schneider you can do it, rob schneider jokes, rob schneider stand up, rob schneider politics, rob schneider vaccines, saturday night live, stand up comedy

Id: qrLDIrO97FU

Length: 80min 13sec (4813 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 21 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/MadPeroX]

So now we know the scientist that Maher has been consulting with..Hey Bill, Schn isnt really a scientist. He just played one 28 yrs ago on SNL.

[u/Simaul]

After listening to Rob's spot on "Fly on the Wall Podcast" and hearing how he was raised, his views are not surprising. He's a better writer than performer.

[u/GWB396]

If I wanted Rob Schneider to provide me with vaccine advice I’d ask also ask a clown how to construct a rocket ship…

[u/Expensive-Platform-1]

Wow, never knew Rob was such a sniveling simp for Dumpy. The kind of pos who calls guys "pussies". GO back to the 80's, little baby. What a turd pile, good to know.😭

[u/[deleted]]

Did you ever wonder what Rob Schneider thought about the powers of the Executive Branch? Wonder no more !

[u/Bruce_Hale]

"The ACLU is the reason for homelessness in California." - Rob Schneider

[u/JoseyWales115]

Met him once, super nice guy even if his films aren’t my favourites.

[u/[deleted]]

South Park was lampooning Rob Schneider 20 years ago for being washed up. Lol

[u/Fishbone345]

It still blows my mind that Rob Schneider is Elle King’s father. I never would have guessed that.