David sa (follow up)

hey [Music] you haven't spent it on drugs no not at all not at all right now if i do drugs i would be it would be a disaster it would be disaster yeah i'm like a ticking time bomb hi david yeah good to see you again you called me early this morning yeah and told me you were gonna commit suicide all right tell me what's what's going on what's going on in your head well uh i'm i'm i take medication and and uh it's a shot that i take you know when i don't have that shot i hear voices and uh i start getting real depressed you know i just don't want to live because because of all the baggage and all the trauma i've been through and uh this is like the ninth time i've done this this in six months and this has been a real bad stressful year because uh it's uh when i when i was 19 i lost my daughter and uh she got hit by a car she was four years old and uh you didn't tell me this yeah yeah i have this is the tattoo right here um and uh i just i think about [ __ ] like that you know it is i really need my medication you know you know it's so you get your medication how often david uh once a month once a month and are you due for your next yeah i'm over i'm late they're lazy so why are you not taking it um because the program i'm in they they're late on it they're they're they're slow and uh they missed the shot they weren't paying attention and um and you end up in a situation like this yes or your mental state is not yeah and i had one i warned them this week that it's about to happen they didn't listen to me and you know i guess that's what's wrong with the system they don't they don't they don't take it serious you know well somebody needs to take your situation seriously yeah yeah because look at the situation you're in you're you're calling me and you're you tell me you're gonna commit suicide yeah and i meant to i was really gonna end it because i i just i can't take this [ __ ] no more the voices are just and you're walking around the streets of south central no i stayed at the bus stop for like two hours and then uh i i was gonna pick a fight at the house because the they were making fun of crazy people last night people with mental health problems and i i was gonna pick a fight with the dude that started it but i don't wanna go back to jail and uh i i don't want to hurt nobody but that's how i was feeling you know yeah the mental state you're in right now is not something that common sense and reason are going to get you out of right your meds are probably going to be there so getting in a fight committing suicide anything you're considering right now is probably not the answer like right now i'm hallucinating i'm seeing like [ __ ] because i took 20 suboxones last night you took what 20 suboxone 20. yeah and uh one suboxone can overdose you and uh i i just i didn't i just kept taking them just so [ __ ] would just stop you know playing a voice would stop but it didn't and what do the voices say to you uh they tell me that people are after me that uh that uh that i'm not worth living and then they tell me run run run cut yourself roger's after you and uh or go hit somebody who's roger the guy that written no i thought the story you told me was that you were molested raped by uh family members yeah he was he was an adopted brother oh he was an adopted brother yeah oh i see yeah is he still around uh i was looking for him uh but i stopped looking he's just somewhere in florida and uh he ran when he found out i was looking for him he he he left his house he took off that's what my sister told me and i really scared him did he do this to other people or just you yeah five different people five different people but he i never got my my my day in court with him i i got screwed out of that you know you know do you feel like what happened to you as a young man is unresolved yeah you've never really talked about it but you had a therapist right uh yeah in prison but uh i they it's like a high and by type of thing they it's really like 20 minutes and that's it oh really and what about therapy since you've been out uh i i can't afford it uh but if i get get the money i'll i'll definitely i know a psych that will take me in you know a good therapist yes yes you just can't afford it i can't afford it yeah i mean how often would you want to go i'll go every day i'll go every day you know like uh seven days if i had to because i i how much is a therapist for you um like 1200 a week twelve hundred a week yeah yeah yeah well there's a there's a gofundme campaign on connected with my channel that uh i can't think of anyone other than alicia and patience oh okay there would be more okay worthy of our help we'll see if we can't uh get you some help yeah yeah i i would really appreciate because i hate seeing you like this yeah i mean this is awful yeah because now i'm gonna have to end up going to a psych hospital and get admitted and so what will happen now they're going to move me into a hospital a 51 50 hole 51.50 hold yeah it says for people with uh that try to commit suicide they don't want they say you're a danger to yourself will they get your meds yeah well that's the most important thing yeah yeah yeah and then i it will give me time to detox off the suboxone you know tell me about the drug use you've been using or not using i haven't been using and is that a good thing or a bad thing it's a good thing because oh it's a bad thing because um because you were telling me in the car i depend on drugs it calms me down you know yeah i've heard this from a lot of addicts right who will tell me that drugs like crystal meth or crack will actually calm them down calming down whereas with everyone else it's the opposite yeah yeah i got adhd and that's a it's uh i'm hyper i'm more hyperactive like i can't i get maybe an hour of sleep a night really yeah it's torturing me like like i don't know what to do you know i know what to do but i don't know what to do at the same time i just it's frustrating and crystal meth will calm me down yeah yeah the only thing i do when i'm on christmas i walk forever i walk from here to hollywood and back all day long and i get to think and and it makes me concentrate it gives me a peace of mind it really does it really does but i'm not gonna go to the drugs because i'm on probation and it's just i want to try something new you know i want to try it i know you've been working out a lot you told me that yeah i mean uh four hours a day yeah i do 1200 puts per day four four hours a day working out yeah wow you know and i i bought a speed bag and a punchy bag and a couple weights with the money i've made so yeah and the money you've made how uh well with uh like i sell cigarettes and then which would you help me with yeah yeah and then um just i'm a hustler i never run out of money like uh but what i use my money i usually use my money on workout stuff like i have a lot of workouts though i'm addicted to working out you know you can find worse vices than that yeah yeah you know yeah you know right now i'm i i'm in a state of mind where like i want to fight and it's i i got registered hands so i could go to jail you know what i so i need to get yeah you were telling me in the car you're a golden glove yeah boxer for 17 years uh broadway in manchester broadway gym yeah tell me about that um i've been going there since uh since i was 14 and and they brought me up like a son like my trainer was like a dad to me and i took it i was the one that was always coming early and leaving late because i i took my training rules you're a boxer yes yes yes wow yes um i fought fernando vargas you ever heard of fernando vargas no i haven't he's out of oxnard he he's he's a he's a real he he's a professional boxer i'm not professional but i sparred with him yeah at the kelowna colonia boxing gym it's in oxnard what's your record um i got okay i'm not sure i out of 100 fights i've won maybe 70. i've lost a lot because they all i'm my my weight i'm always fighting bigger guys like because um i'm all i'm i'm i'm uh not as tall as usually far as they got a longer reach you know oh i see yeah but uh yeah i love it i love boxing it really helps yeah it probably helps you release yeah so your anger i would think yeah when i was in prison i i never lost the fight like it was like you know i'm not bragging blaze it is you know but yeah i i'm really aggravated and just frustrated right now because the system is [ __ ] up i i've been telling them all week that i need my medication and i knew you're at the mercy of who to get your medication um uh it's my mental health please they used to be good but after the kobe they just for some reason no you should have access to your meds when you need them yeah yeah well they stopped giving me my bottles because i was i was overdosing oh you're abusing them yeah so i get everything by injection now so how many times have you done things like what you did this morning uh in six months i've done this nine times it's been a bad year i've been really depressed this year yeah the last five times i've seen you you've been great right you seem like you're on the road to recovery right right and this yeah this i knew it was coming because uh i felt it you your body will tell you whence when you're about to lose like yeah that was a creepy text i got for you this morning yeah yeah what did it say i didn't know how to yeah it says i'm sorry for that but i was crying for help mark i need to talk to you i think i'm gonna commit suicide yeah goodbye yeah goodbye oh good oh yeah that's what i got from 6 20 this morning when i came out of the gym and i don't know where you were yeah i i wasn't going to call nobody but that would have been a mistake i'll probably wouldn't be here right now and um no i'm happy to talk to you anytime yeah yeah i just gotta learn that my life is worth living you know because i just i'm 41 and i just don't uh i think therapy was what would help you the most just to break down what happened to you as a young man right right you know because no one should live with that right no one should have to but we can't erase that but if we can talk about it we can break it down yeah yeah therapist to help you work it out talk about it sort it out and see that you're not at fault you're not to blame right right yeah it was um was it the pain of that that does the cause yeah i have a lot of regrets like yeah i'm sure yeah it's what happened was um it was going on in my house so long that i thought it was right i thought it was i thought it was all right normal you know like that was normal i i started changing that doubt like maybe two weeks after it happened i i had a real bad feeling like i did something wrong and i was like so i live but you were a young man yeah i was 13 14 years old it was my eighth grade uh into my freshman year yeah no oh david yeah i feel for you we'll get you a new shirt yeah so you don't look like you murdered somebody oh you weren't horrifying yeah and i just i just bought that jacket too and i got blood all over it so but yeah i can give you some clothes here yeah all right david well let's see if we can maybe get some donations and get you some therapy okay that might help yes yes maybe your meds too that would be great yeah i really i really uh i'm really uh so i'm confused on how this is gonna play out like like uh i don't know what's gonna happen you know it's it's it's i know this much i'm not gonna do no drugs and i'm gonna stay on the right track as much as i can you know well when you do this does it relieve some of the pressure yes so you're kind of mellow for a while until it builds again right right because for the last few weeks you've been telling me how great everything is how good you feel yeah you seem much better so that's great i thought you're on the right track and then this happens yeah yeah i i lied i i just wanted to let you know like you know about 50 of the time i was like lying because but i just wanted you to think that i was on the right check you know i said i had i hadn't done no drugs but i have you you're not as you're not as good as you make up right an impression on right right yeah that's right no david you don't deserve anything you're going through you don't deserve any of this we just need you to get we need to get you some help okay yeah all right david thank you very much you

Channel: Soft White Underbelly

Views: 68,522

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Id: 5Tx4sKCHs8s

Length: 15min 29sec (929 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 13 2021