Dad Disowned Me Bc He Got New Daughter But Now Comes Back To Beg I Donate My Kidney To His Daughter

my dad and mom got divorced when he confessed he had been having an affair for a year and his mistress was pregnant when she kicked him out he went to live with his mistress but quickly tried to come back when he found out my mom was also pregnant with me my mom never let him come back but she offered to let him co-parent i would spend every other weekend with my dad but he would also come over to her house a lot in the early years to spend time with me he came to spend time with my mom really when i was little my mom met my now step dad and asked my dad to stop coming over whenever he wanted to anymore he was furious and demanded she give him more time with me so the custody agreement was revised and i started spending one week with mom and one week with dad until i was older i'm now 24. my dad lived with his mistress and my half-sister alice 25. it was clear both his mistress and alice hated me and my weeks with them were miserable my dad wasn't much better he would try to poison me against my mother and told me to tell her i wouldn't love her anymore if she didn't take my daddy back multiple times when my mom finally had the custody agreement changed my dad was angry with me and said i'd betrayed him and he was no longer my father he started spending a lot of time with alice and she would send me tons of pictures with snide comments about how she was always the favorite daughter her mother would also send me nasty texts about how she was happy she didn't have to deal with her boyfriend's bastard anymore when i came to college he helped alice and told me to ask my new dad since i wasn't his responsibility anymore this is also when i asked my mom why she divorced my dad and she explained everything to me i've had zero contact with any of them since two weeks ago i received a call from my dad's mistress she told me alice was gonna die as both of her kidneys were failing and she needed a transplant neither her or my dad is a match and the doctor suggested the best chance for her to get the transplant in time is to find a family match my father's family who have no contact with him or alice or the mistress have all refused to be tested and no one on the mistress's side is a match she says i'm alice's last chance i told her i needed time to think about it since the call all i've been doing is thinking about it if it was my mom who needed the kidney i would give it in a heartbeat i've done a lot of research on the effects donating would have on me and i don't think i want to do it even if i'm a match my mom suggested i agree to get tested and then inform the doctor i don't want to donate even if i'm a match so that they tell them that i'm not one honestly i don't even want to get tested i feel like if i do and i'm a match the guilt will overwhelm me and i'll agree to donate even though i don't want to am i wrong for refusing to get tested not wrong also the family may not be portraying the situation fully truthfully a lot of the time people can survive without fully functioning kidneys it just requires thrice weekly dialysis time consuming but possible this can be done at a hospital or your father can flash money for her to get her own private machine at home please do not allow yourself to feel pressured by these people who have never had your best interests at heart if you had requested a kidney alice certainly would not have provided donating a kidney does significantly shorten your own lifespan you're not wrong your father told you that you're not family and your father's mistress called you a bastard you owe them exactly nothing don't even respond the funny thing here is that o.p isn't a bastard alice is and this isn't meant to be rude she fits the definition alice's mother tries so hard to feel important when in reality her boyfriend refused to marry her and even tried to get back with his ex-wife my 37 female husband 41 plays rec league hockey i absolutely don't mind that he does but is the result of his playing i mind and need to set boundaries with that and a few other major similar annoyances he doesn't exercise outside of his once a week game and he gets hurt pretty often today he's laid up with a thrown out back because a guy ran him into the board's head first getting hurt from hockey alone would be one thing but he always seems to be going through something that absolves him of solo parenting duties i'm parenting our kid solo for basically the third day in a row this is pretty typical it's a special treat for me to have alone time it's not often offered i always have to ask friday i had a half day of work so i had her and ordered groceries and cooked dinner and did bath time because he got a bad night's sleep from not taking his sleeping pill he literally can't sleep without it and will be exhausted the next two days after but often refuses to take it yesterday he slept in and afterward he attended to more things that are a result of overextending himself and having bad boundaries he's just taken on managing his late father's condo in a foreign country it's been very time consuming so he had her for maybe two to three hours the whole day and i made dinner today i have her alone again so he can lay in bed and tend to his bad back his mother is also staying with us until the middle of next month and he doesn't ask her to watch her kid or cook or clean so i can have any free time he let her move in without my permission or a set end date and i had to give an ultimatum to get him to convince her to get an apartment otherwise it would have been months before she moved out he also thinks it's nasty of us to assume she'd ever babysit our kid because she's too old she's 72. the whole relationship with her is give give give he says it's not nice of me to blame him for his hockey injuries that he has to manage his dad's condo he had to let his mom move in with us and that i should be supportive of his long-term insomnia i'm at my wit's end i feel like he has terrible boundaries and self-care habits and i pay the price for them i'm not going to parent full-time and pay him for overextending himself with my personal time from now on parenting time is 50 50 and i don't care if he got himself injured playing hockey or he's busy doing stuff for the condo or he didn't sleep well his mother can mother him am i the idiot edit to add i just came home from watching our daughter for three hours to let him relax his back and he was hunched over working on his motorcycle when i pulled up i brought up that i was confused why he was bad off enough three hours ago to need to be passed out on a heating pad and now he's crouched working on a motorcycle he basically escalated it into you calling me a liar and saying this was my fault and not clearly communicating specifically when i needed free time even though i have clearly communicated this several times the difference between us is i offer help and he has to be asked and then never does it oh not the idiot this marriage is on the rocks and you two need to start talking or get marriage counseling he's so ego or pride driven at this point that it's gonna take a gut punch to prompt a re-examination of these self-centered pursuits he won't have any time for sports with 50 50 custody he'll have to take the kids no matter how he feels and take care of his mother prepare yourself the road back to a healthy marriage is not going to happen overnight my uncle jesse aunt lola and cousin poppy girl visited us today it had been poppy's birthday last week and we hadn't been able to visit them to wish her so we gave her the gifts we had bought for her my parents bought her a dollhouse and some clothes and i bought her a remote controlled car and some toy binoculars aunt lola and poppy was very happy and accepted the gifts but my uncle looked annoyed when he saw what i'd bought for poppy i asked him if something was wrong and he asked me why i bought boys toys for his daughter when she was a girl i asked him if he is saying only boys can play with remote controlled cars and binoculars and he said yes he asked me why i didn't buy her a doll or a kitchen set or something more feminine i stared at him incredulously and told him that anyone can play with these and toys aren't gendered but he kept insisting they are and started to get angry my mom told me to let it go but i found it ridiculous that he was already restricting his daughter's choices at such a young age and forcing her to be feminine uncle jessie then said if i had had a son then these gifts would be acceptable unfortunately it is lola's fault that she gave me a daughter so don't give poppy such masculine gifts i knew my uncle wasn't very educated but this was the dumbest thing i had ever heard someone say i informed him that it was his part that decided poppy would be a girl it isn't lola's fault at all that lola has xx chromosomes and he had xy chromosomes and i basically went on a rant explaining how everything works he was extremely angry after this and told me to stop lying and to shut up he picked up poppy and told lola that they're leaving they took only the gifts my parents brought and asked my parents to teach this idiot manners my dad yelled at him for saying this and my mom didn't say much to them but told me i had stepped out of line that i should have just stayed silent and ignored what he had said she said i was extremely rude am i the idiot not the idiot your mother telling you that you should have just stayed silent instead of educating your uncle is the reason ignorance perpetuates you did the right thing in explaining the facts of life to your uncle he's just too stupid or too scared to accept that he is responsible for the gender of his daughter dude's probably been resenting his wife and poppy for the tenure of poppy's existence screw these people if you need a certain gender child to be happy or really any sort of qualification you shouldn't be a parent i have a two-year-old baby girl who's in my life right now she was conceived out of wedlock and after i had an affair well with my then fiance i got the girl pregnant and kept the secret until a few weeks before the daughter was born once she found out my then fiance dumped me of course i was going through some things at the time so the girl i cheated with wasn't much of a class act she ended up in jail about seven months later and will be there for a very long time for endangerment and sugar possession luckily my daughter is only in my hands for now my daughter being a result of my sleeping around is kind of like the elephant in the room most of us never talk about it because frankly it's embarrassing for me and i'm not sure if i ever want her to know how she was made i say most people because my big sister loves to bring up how awful i am she got divorced from her high school sweetheart five years ago because he cheated on her multiple times she's bitter and is now taking it out on me and my daughter two sundays ago we had a family dinner with her two kids my daughter our parents and our younger sister before dinner we were chilling in our living room after talking for a while about how we want our kids to grow up she said well let's hope your daughter grows up more like your girlfriend than her mommy or daddy i asked what was wrong with me and she said that my daughter was gonna have tons of men that want her someday so she needs to learn to not run around on her partners and obviously i can't teach her that i was offended but i let this slide because she likes to say stupid things like this a lot when we finally sat down to eat she was still cracking jokes at my expense the final straw was when she told my girlfriend that if we get engaged she'd better get ready for another baby because mr over there might want to slip into another chick behind another fiance's back i was incredibly ticked off my girlfriend hates hearing about this and i don't like her having to think about how much i messed up two years ago i also feel like it implies that i'm ashamed to have my daughter from that situation which i'm not i told her she needed to stop acting like a witch she told me she would if i learned to keep it in my pants this escalated into yelling fight over dinner eventually i got fed up with this and decided to leave with my party while getting up my mom told me i was acting immature and needed to start thinking like an adult and not argue with my sister this set me off even more and i left without saying a word to my family since that night i've gotten calls and messages saying i need to give an apology but i've refused every time my girlfriend says i reacted too harshly but she understood where i came from i haven't talked to my sister since am i the idiot edit okay i left this out but at one point in my life before me and my current girlfriend got together i may have been a serial cheater i have cheated on every girlfriend or partner i've been with except my girlfriend at least once i had some severe self-worth problems and emotional issues i messed up and i hate to say this but i didn't learn my lesson until i cheated on two other girls between my ex-fiance and my current girlfriend but i have changed for the better you are the idiot especially for leaving the fact that you continued to be a cheater after your daughter was born out of your original post that kind of context shouldn't be buried in the comments it's obvious from a lot of the comments that they're voting not the idiot because you gave the misleading impression that you turned over a new leaf and you got your act together literally one of the first things people want to know when deciding if someone is an idiot is whether or not they have made a good faith effort to improve their behavior not even going to touch on the fact that you have a total lack of self-awareness to deride that the girl you cheated with and knocked up while you were engaged to another woman as being not a class act and i sure do hope you only slept with the mother of your child when she was sober enough to give informed consent i can understand why the sister is ticked he's acting like a completely changed person but hasn't changed at all he just hasn't had an opportunity to cheat on the latest girlfriend yet that's all yep i honestly feel horrible if my brother brought home the 15th girlfriend to meet everyone after cheating on every single other partner he's had and not said anything i would want someone to tell me if the person i was dating was a serial adulterer i mean i don't want to waste my time on someone that i'll put my heart love and soul into only to be lied to possibly gaslighted cheated on and entirely disrespected in every single way that being said sister should have held her tongue around everyone and taken opie's girlfriend aside and told her in private definitely you are the idiot here i had just finished finals for my sophomore year of college and was three days from going home for winter break i was very excited to see my cat again whom i had had for 19 years and i've repeatedly told my mom how excited i was my mom said he was excited to see me too and she sent me pictures of him the entire week leading up to going home at some point my dad had mentioned to me that my cat hadn't been feeling well but every time i asked for updates on it he avoided the question so the day i'm flying home comes my flight is in two hours and i'm literally walking out of my dorm when i get a call from a number i don't recognize i decline it and the caller leaves a voicemail which i listen to while i'm in the car with my roommate to go to the airport the voicemail is from a crematorium letting me know they have taken care of my cat's remains i stopped working i was crying and screaming so loud my roommate thought i was hurt i didn't understand how he could be dead as my mom had sent me pictures of him that morning saying he was so excited to see me i called my parents immediately and demanded to know if my cat was dead my dad got really annoyed and asked how i knew so i told him who called me that's when they told me the truth apparently my cat had gotten sick out of the blue to the point where they had to put him down and he had actually been dead for over a week my mom has taken my number off his vet file so they wouldn't be able to call me but it had somehow not been taken off the one the crematorium got then she and my dad had gotten pictures of him they had taken while i was away and were sending those to me to convince me he was still alive they even contacted friends and family to play along if i brought him up so they could break the news when i was home surrounded by their love i was telling family members left and right how much i missed my cat as i had never been without him and they all acted like they had no idea he was actually dead when i finally got back home my parents were furious i was upset with them because i didn't appreciate all they did for me to spare my feelings and they knew if they told me i would have failed all of my finals they said they knew me better than i knew myself and they did the right thing anytime i tried to bring it up to them or even just cried because i missed him they would ask me why i'm being so dramatic it's been two years and although i've come to terms with it i still don't feel i can trust them or the people they got to lie to me if someone in my family tells me the sky is blue i feel i have to go outside and check for myself my aunt told me today that i'm paranoid and disrespectful to my family because i always try to verify what they tell me now am i the idiot for not being able to trust them anymore not the idiot it would be one thing if they just didn't say anything for a week but to send you pictures and have other people lie to you as messed up and to be annoyed by your sadness over the loss of your pet isn't in your best interest either however i feel like for your sake make peace with what has happened how you do that is up to you my wife and i have been married for just about a year now we dated for several years beforehand we had not lived together before we were married after getting married it didn't take long for me to notice she was pretty lazy around the house she is not a stay-at-home mom so she is not around the house all day and she's not expected to do all the chores but she does not have some high stress job and she works many less hours than me she works at a cashier at a local store she works maybe two to three days a week for around six to eight hours each of those days now i don't want to sound like i think too highly of myself but the fact is that i have a pretty high paying job the truth is that she doesn't really need a job but i'm not going to tell her to quit if it makes her happy and is something she wants the issue is that i work way more than her and still do way more of the work around the house literally the only thing she does is sweep she can be messy too so i have to pick up from her a lot as well the other day i decided it was time to finally sit her down and have a long serious discussion about it i told her i'm gonna need you to stop being so lazy and help me out around here more i have a very high stress job and i just can't be doing everything around the house she got mad and said that she wasn't lazy she said that it's not like she is a stay-at-home mom so she shouldn't be expected to do the chores i told her that she works way less hours than me so therefore she should take up more of the chores she got very upset and acted like i was saying that her job sucked it wasn't my intention to hurt her like that or embarrass her she hasn't spoken to me since then was i the idiot for what i did everyone's the idiot here not for your point but for your communication style yes you're probably right that she should be doing more around the house but starting aggressively would stop being lazy is not the way to get what you want the two of you need to communicate kindly and come to an agreement when it comes to chores i.e what the agreed-upon level of cleanliness should be for your home who's responsible for what what each of your expectations are fyi it really doesn't matter how much you make but it does matter how many hours you're each respectively putting in at work but again you've got to compromise and come to an agreement don't just insult each other and expect positive results

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Rating: 4.907166 out of 5

Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit donate kidney, reddit get tested, reddit half sister, reddit demand kidney, reddit dad disowned, reddit mistress pregnant

Id: 9b2yk2gqNBI

Length: 20min 19sec (1219 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 14 2021