CWC SDA featuring Dr. Abraham J. Jules - "Marriage Principles"

if you've got a three in the direction of your brain [Music] I know why I was born this is it he's seated everyone I want to identify today the fact that God in His Word has counsel for almost every arena of life the Bible counsels us how to manage our money and if we would follow those counsels we would not be in debt as we are today the Bible gives us councils as it relates to our bodies what you should put in your body what you should not and if we follow those councils we would lead healthier lives the Bible has given to us some foundational principles as it relates to marriage and our relationships whether you're single or dating or you getting ready to be married this message today is for everybody single married divorced because there are some principles in God's Word as we elucidate those for you it will somehow stir your mind and a jog your memory as to some places you've been some things you've done that if you had this counsel prior you would have not comported yourself that way in other words ladies and gentlemen if we study God's Word and if we read God's Word and put into practice the things that God has did you guys turn back up the heat I asked them to turn it off because they're people Fanning all up they got fall asleep on me they shouldn't turn it back up you got people fanning is hot and miserable in here and I'm gonna get hotter as I preach all right please ask them to take care of it for me you got too many people Fanning it's miserable alright I don't know what I was talking about but we'll get back to it God's design for marriage is a sacrificial male leading an honoring female their love directed selflessly to one another was meant to perpetuate their relationship throughout life a woman falls in love and stays in love with a man who will sacrifice to meet her needs not because she is commanded to love him but because he's meeting her needs nothing in this world can endear a man to a woman more than the quality of sacrificial love there is a reason why I'm saying what I'm saying it comes out of Ephesians chapter 5 by the same token nothing can embed a woman's spirit more than a selfish or abusive man marriage is a covenant not a contract now marriage is considered a civil contract the state requires that you get a marriage license that's a civil contract but in the eyes of God marriage is not a contract marriage is a covenant a contract has escaped clauses but a covenant does not in the Old Testament the Hebrew word for covenant means to cut blood was involved when two parties entered into a Solomon binding agreement they would literally cut a covenant they took an animal and hewed em into and placed the severed halves on each side of a pathway they then pledged faithfulness to the oath and if they broke it to suffer the same fate as the animal the book of first kings recalls the death of King Solomon who reigned in Israel for forty years and upon his death his son Rehoboam was to take the throne but there was a problem when Solomon died the people gathered at Shechem they were weary from their heavy labors Solomon had forced them to endure so they set array of balm in first Kings - for your father put a heavy yoke on us but now lighten the harsh labor and the heavy yoke he put on us and we will serve you upon hearing their request r/a Obama told the people to return in three days for his answer after they left he called in the elders who had severed who had served rather his father to ask their advice unfortunately ladies and gentlemen the new king rejected the wise counsel of the elders and chose instead to act on foolish advice from his young friends his friends told him to tell the people my little finger is thicker than your father's waist my father scourge you with whips I will scourge you with scorpions the people rebelled and the nation was split on that day and they made a man named Jeroboam king in other words the people rejected the boss and they exalted the servant on that day now this happened because rayou bomb did something that is natural for many men to do instead of humbling himself and being sensitive to his people's needs he chose to dominate them into subjection and because of her Obama's refusal to humble himself and serve the people as the elders had advised him God gave the nation over to man who would serve his people ten tribes went with Jeroboam and only two stayed with Raya Boehm Judah and Benjamin what's the lesson ladies and gentlemen as I talk about marriage we must have a servant's heart as we lead our families and the Last Supper Jesus himself washed his disciples feet husbands have choices to make related to their leadership styles to choose the way of pride or to choose the way of humility dominating like Rehoboam through carnal Authority instead of using spiritual authority makes one a petty tyrant when God wants us to be benevolent authorities Ephesians 5:28 and 29 says so husband's ought to love their wives as their own bodies he who loves his own wife loves himself no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church when a young person gets his first scar he's mesmerized by the thought of more independence and mobility my daughter who will be 16 next month will be getting her first skull on her birthday she already picked out the color of the car she picked out the interior and the make of the car she wants a Jeep Wrangler and daddy's gonna buy it now that is driving a 2014 Toyota Camry with 227 thousand miles on it it just got banged up last week I had an accident driving from here to a funeral to Mount Vernon somebody banged me from behind but that's the car I'm driving I can't afford another one but you know what I'm getting the Toyota I'm getting the Jeep Wrangler Sahara unlimited with leather interior a Mensa body alright as you can tell my daughter is only interested in style obviously young people don't think about maintenance expense resale value or upkeep when I got my first car I was thinking about speed independence and fun most people prepare for marriage like a teenager shopping for his first car teenagers look first for exterior and other immediate qualities showing little concern about long term maintenance so when people get married they usually haven't prepared themselves for the expense and the maintenance aspect of the relationship I remember my first car was a Love Bug Volkswagen yellow convertible a Volkswagen Beetle my car broke down I broke down an Eastern Parkway and Utica Avenue and I called my dad and says what are we gonna do and he said what are you gonna do it's your car now he finally came and helped me finally fix the car for me but he was reminding me it was my responsibility I had experienced the fun of driving the car now it was time for me to take responsibility for keeping it operable and in good shape immaturity causes us to enjoy the pleasures of something without taking responsibility for it that's why if you're immature you should not get married that's why I got married so late I was not ready to give myself completely to anybody I was too selfish and self-serving and I enjoyed it that way but when I was ready to give my all to somebody that's when I got married man you need to be honest with yourself if you're gonna take somebody's daughter and make her your wife you need to be ready and able and willing to work and maintain it because you can't enjoy the thrills without the responsibility amen anybody who drives a car or owns a home realizes you cannot sell your car or move every time you have a problem it is even more immature to get rid of something or to reject it simply because it needs maintenance or has broken down that's why so many marriages are having so many difficulties because nobody is working to fix the leaking faucet if we took our god-given responsibilities to provide for our partner's needs and to maintain our relationship properly there would be few if any problems to face in our marriages most of us want marriages without maintenance we want thrills without responsibilities and we want fun without faithful devotion woman are basically the same like automobiles there may be a different some different options available on some models but under the hood the equipment is the same what I am saying is no matter what woman or man a man marries his wife will require essentially the same care now some men don't believe this so they keep trading lives hoping each time to get a newer and better model that performs a hundred percent of the time and never needs care and never needs a maintenance there are at least two issues about women that men must learn to accept in order to have a harmonious marriage the first is that women and men are essentially different and you can't marry a woman and expected to think like you act like you and behave like you if that were the case you needed to marry a man that's not what I'm recommending here let's get that straight is this on video yeah pass so straighten it out the second thing is to learn at least the four major needs a woman has and how best to meet them let me say without any apology upfront if a man does not meet a woman's basic needs he will be miserable in marriage because when she is not happy that dog is not happy that cat unhappy the bus driver is miserable so if he does not meet those needs everybody will be miserable now many men tried to make their wives like them so they lecture them they brow beat them and they commend them to be like a man what it whenever you do that you are not accepting and honoring the essential differences God designed in your wife to make her a woman many will men feel and act the same toward men observing the inherent differences they respond with woman say things like these men are weird both sexes need to realize neither one is weird we are just different and God made us that we can somebody say men and men you should not try to be like a woman and woman you shouldn't try to be like men you must celebrate the fact that you don't think like her and you don't act like her and you never will Amen somebody the first major need a woman has is the need for security whether a woman is growing up with her parents or living with her husband she has a genuine need to be secure a woman needs to know she is safe and well provided for in every aspect and it is much more than financial by the way and I've said it before I'll say it again if your marriage a woman I can guarantee you right now she's hiding money from you somewhere my wife hags all over the place and forgets where she hides it I find it I spend it she doesn't even know she lost it until I preach and say it a man needs to know that his wife feels secure secure in his love that he doesn't have a wandering eye that he's not texting people he shouldn't be texting that he's not on social media trying to hook up with some old girlfriends saving somebody if that's your desire you shouldn't get married if you want to be with somebody else that's who you should be with but you should not be with a woman and not honor her and make her secure in your life and in the marriage and a man must communicate that he cares for his wife above anyone or anything else except God you know a woman can discern instinctively if her husband is caring for her properly yeah even when we have realized and accepted the differences in the opposite sex we must be careful not to translate their differences into our language I all hear me woman yeah suppose your wife said honey I want you to hold me a normal man you heard what I called him a normal man would say all she wants sex I said sex you know all you're looking at me as though you came here you made some other arrangements to get here say pastor talk mother sex how else did you get here ollie a normal man she says hug me honey first thing goes to his mind cuz he's normal said she wants me so he begins to make sexual advances to order and she slaps his hand away I said I just want you to hold me now although you heard the words correctly your mind keeps trying to translate woman talk to man talk men have a natural need for sex a man's brain thinks like that because sex is one of his primary needs and if you got married don't call him a pervert so it Paul says when you get married you owe your spouse due benevolence you know what do benevolence is due benevolence is what comes due at the end of the month when you have rent due benevolence is what comes due when you have a car notes when you get married due benevolence is what comes with marriage not once a month as often as need be it's an on need basis sex is a man one of a man's primary needs but sex is not a primary need for a woman studies have shown that a man is generally eighty percent more sexually oriented than a woman that's eighty percent generally speaking a man hits his sexual peak at twenty and a woman hits hers at forty no wonder when it comes to sex and sexuality in many marriages the couple is out of sync with each other some of y'all need to go home tonight and take care of business amens Amaury here's a second need here's a second need woman need affection and they need many times non-sexual affection now how does it make you feel when you express a need to your wife and she belittles it or translates it into her own language suppose you my brother said to your wife let's make love and she responded you pervert you don't need sex what you really need is some non-sexual affection come here let me hold you and it happens she can't understand why he wants sex all the time and he can't understand why she doesn't want sex all the time but God wired us up differently if husbands and wives would simply listen to each other and take each other at face value and apply themselves to meeting one another's needs happiness would prevail is the third need woman have a deep need for intimate conversation when spouses reject each other and college of the names lives are changed a woman needs to be talked to and to be listened to your wife needs to have conversation most of the times we are not interested but if you would meet your night wife's needs you will become interested and talk with her and listen to her and become a partner with her in that regard man and now we don't have deep superficial conversations most man how you doing man I'm good everything is good everything is good you good yeah I'm good that's how we talk but woman we'll go into the details and so a man who will then meet will meet his wife's needs will have meaningful conversation with his wife Amen somebody and then a husband needs to communicate his admiration and love for his wife gotta tell her how pretty she is even after she has put on some extra pounds they belong to you Amen somebody and these woman had babies for you and you ain't all that Slim yourself you got a big old stomach ain't nothing sexy about a big old stomach and you want to beat up on her a woman blossoms fully in an atmosphere of praise and adoration but she wills and dies in the presence of Perpetual silence and criticism nothing is as toxic and makes a woman as insecure as when her spouse criticizes her although a man must speak a time some words of Correction or displeasure to his wife these words must come from a source the woman knows is supportive and friendly if all you do is point out her flaws she will become insecure and bitter and you'll wonder why she doesn't want to touch you every woman is a reflection however of her husband women reflect in their faces attitudes and appearances how they feel about their husbands and the environment one man naturally gravitate to people and places where they will receive compliments women have affairs because they meet a man who will talk to them and make them feel special husband communicates his faithfulness adultery is not simply a physical act it's an attitude some men carry a spirit of unfaithfulness and woman can pick up on that immediately and makes them very insecure you need to communicate regularly to your wife that she's the only one you desire a husband must communicate his dedication to provide financially he's the breadwinner money manager and praying for God's blessings and direction financially the most common complaints that married couples have about each other is this for the man he feels little respect from his wife for the woman she feels she gets little love from our husband couples who share this concern I usually trapped in what counselors call a dependent codependent relationship one spouse is dependent upon the other who appears more independent the independent spouse however is dependent upon the other spouses dependency God designed marriage however to have a healthy dependent codependent relationship the wife is to be dependent on her husband he is to be dependent on her dependency in doing so she feels feminine protected and cared for you didn't get it some will go back and say it again the wife is to be dependent on her husband he's to be dependent on her dependency and in doing so she feels feminine protected and cared for this is a biblical he feels masculine needed and important she feels loved he feels respected Ephesians chapter 5 I have never met a woman who respected a man that she could control so from her innermost Souls smells a basic need to disrespect her husband to find fault with him passivity on the part of husbands lead many woman to take over the marriage because he is not doing his job I have never yet met a man who truly loved a woman who controlled him so from his innermost soul smells a basic need to separate from his wife to ignore her and to find significance elsewhere thus both spouses are pushing each other way the white through fall finding and the husband through neglect are y'all hearing me when God said to Eve after sin your desire will be for your husband the word desire in this passage in the original Hebrew language means a desire for authority let me share with the immense for basic needs Anna Anna is a man's greatest need that is why Paul wrote to the woman in Ephesus submit to your husband's as to the Lord now the standard of a wife's behavior in marriage is to treat her husband as she would treat Jesus guys y'all Savior because these woman over here saying hey man every time I lift them up open your mouth say Amen [Music] how would she treat Jesus the way she treats Jesus is the way she should treat her husband that's what the Bible says how is she gonna talk to Jesus is she gonna tell Jesus get out of my face how she talks to Jesus is how she should talk to her husband say men somebody marriages that last there's a woman honoring a man and respecting him and here's a man loving and being affectionate with a woman he's meeting her basic needs and she's meeting his basic needs how you gonna disagree with Jesus same way you disagree with Jesus you disagree with your husband respectfully amens somebody while many women might not admit it they feel like saying something I guess well my husband doesn't act like Jesus so he doesn't deserve to be pretreated like Jesus let me just tell you this out front no man can measure up to Jesus but the bible does not qualify this admonition it does not say wives submit to your husbands only if they behave themselves and do not get on your nerves that's not what the Bible says the Bible says honor your husbands and it stops right there without any qualification another scripture without qualification is he Ephesians 6 and verse 2 it says children must honor their parents that their days may be long upon the land listen to me folk it does not qualify it doesn't say honor your parents if they were good parents it just said honor your parents why is God giving that counsel I can tell you why he's giving that counsel because if you do what is right it might just make somebody who's not doing right start doing right any woman is willing to honor a man who never fails but there is no such man my wife will tell you I'm the closest thing to Jesus I'm not looking in direction she might disagree with that I'm just kidding good now what separates a mature wife from the rest is how she responds with her husband when her husband fails honor him where you want him to be not where he is so woman becomes a cheerleader for her spouse she complements him she took men thrive and live off of admiration so if you want to meet your husband's needs you've got to admire him and you're gonna tell him go ahead and lie to him tell him he's the best thing you've ever seen in your life God will forgive you he knows you're trying to do what's right proverbs 31 describes a virtuous woman her husband is honored in the gates of the city because of her the best way to get your husband's attention is by honoring him the best way to get your husband to spend time with you and desire you is by honoring him because his deepest need is to be loved and honored and cherished by you and it's your most powerful asset amen providing honor for your husband is just as critical growth for him as his making you feel special and secure in his love for you a man's need to be honored and respected is only equalled by a woman's need to be loved you further honor your husband by covering his faults you should not be running all over town telling everybody all your in-laws all your sisters all your brothers your mama and daddy all your fault the faults of your husband you should hide his faults now if abuse is taking place you should get help but you should not run and tell your business all over town about your husband or your significant are the same and somebody nobody wants to know that all their foibles are being discussed by others and by the way you all need to stop going to all these paraprofessionals their marriage is failing and you're running to them for counsel everybody is having hell and you're running to them for counsel y'all don't like my sermon in my sermon I'm gonna do whatever I want here today here's a man another need that's a man's basic need sex as most men realize and most women realize sex is a powerful force in a man's life as a wife you are God's legitimate resource for satisfying your husband's need and this puts you in a very important place mas woman realized the intense nature of a man's sexual drive but many women do not respect it most women do not want to meet their husbands need for sex as often as he needs it so they refuse or call their husbands names a whiteness understand two things about the destructiveness of this attitude and behavior number one when a white rejects her husband's sexual needs in the man's eyes she is rejecting him because his need for sex is an essential part of his makeup and when you refuse to meet your husband's sexual needs secondly it leaves him vulnerable to temptation outside of the marriage now although affairs are unjustifiable sin and devastating to a marriage a woman should understand that the main reason most men have affairs is for exciting sex most Affairs happen a man wants sex woman on the other hand are drawn to affairs because they find a man who is attentive to them and who makes them feel special while most men are drawn into affairs for far less far less normal reasons they simply want these woman a man just want simply want a good exciting sexual experience most women want to be treated tenderly and pay attention to affairs are not justified because a man's wife does not give him satisfying sex if that's the case at your house you need to go home and if you know how to light her fire light it up cuz nothing justifies immorality or unfaithfulness in a marriage covenant a man also needs domestic support if you're a woman you need to make your home be his castle clean orderly home well decorated so he wants to come home amen somebody and then another need a man has his friendship woman are wired up to nurture and men are wired up to beat nurtured let me bring this now Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 33 when scripture commands women to submit to their husbands it isn't somehow diminishing their identities are downplaying their significance in marriage men and women are equal in every way and men no right to control or dominate their lives submission is not about subservience it's about humility and kindness godly submission is simply a decision for wives to lovingly respect their husbands as their partners in life and to work alongside them to guide their families and make decisions together husbands are commanded to do the same thing men are told to lay down their lives and to serve their wives by sacrificially meeting their wives needs men are expected to love their wives and to respect their opinions to listen to their needs and to work as a team marriage is a two-way street two sevens in love each committing to do whatever it takes to meet the needs of the other it is through godly submission that a woman finds the key to husband's heart and is through unlocking her husband's heart that she finds the love and worth she most needs and desires godly submission is one of the most misunderstood concepts in all of Scripture some have used the term to subdue and dominate their wives but God's view of submission has nothing to do with control it's about humility gentleness and purity of heart biblical roles according to Ephesians 5:22 233 biblical roles protect many women fear submitting to their husbands in a biblical way because they do not want to be abused by a dominating selfish man who would take advantage of them but ladies what if the husband to whom you submitted was a sacrificial servant who loved you and met your needs with sensitivity and humility that would be a different story wouldn't it likewise many men fear humbling themselves before their wives have given themselves sacrificially because they don't want to be washing dishes and iron clothes for the rest of their lives but guys what if the woman you sacrificially served treated you like a king what if your wife met your needs eagerly and with great honor would you feel vulnerable around a woman like that of course not when two people love one another as Paul described in Ephesians 5 the result is deepened love intimacy and Trust finally every good home should have a customer service counter you know what a customer service count is customer service counter is where you take your complaints and you're treated with respect after you complain you've never been to a customer service counter and complained about something you bought that didn't meet its intended purpose even when they are mad at you at the customer service counter they try to act like they care every home needs to have a customer service counter where the husband can come and share his concerns and complaints and be received and treated kindly and tenderly every wife should have in her husband a customer service counter where she can go and share what bothers her without being objectified or being judged somebody needs to commit today to his wife to her husband to meet their needs to honor and to respect the husband and a man to love and be tender and careful with his wife she brings security into our life Paul finally gives us some counsel in the book of 1st Corinthians 7 Paul says that every wife should reverence her husband do you know what that means that means a wife should live in awe of her husband so when you get home tonight your wife should be walking behind you saying oh oh I'm just playing as is but you get the point we should have a reverence for relationship reverence for each other and love for each other what do you stand to your feet everybody if you're married here today I want you to go ahead to your wife get your husband come to the altar we'll pray for you go get your spouse and come to the altar husbands and wives find your wife somewhere come to this all too well pray for y'all if you engage planning to be married bring us significant other to this altar we'll pray for y'all would you come would you come come close to the old to leave room for those coming back I'm all the way [Music] and while today we focus so much on the marriage unit we didn't forget the single people will be praying for you that God will bless you bless your life would you come come quickly come from the balcony come husbands and wives I'm gonna ask my wife to join me because we need to spread to amens a buddy come every head is bowed every eye is closed let's pray loving father we thank you this day that you designed marriage for how could we thank you that even in a fallen world our spouses bring us so much joy and happiness and we thank you even today for those rough patches we face when we feel like we are getting on each other's nerves but we thank you that in your own way you helped us to go back and revisit what we have done wrong and tried to do right today we pray for forgiveness of sins for the times we've neglected and hurt our spouses times we neglected to care for them and to be there for them the times when we were not as gentle and christ-like in our marriages as we should be the times when we were caught up in our lives and did not share our hearts and our emotions with our significant others in other words Lord we have all failed we failed not being the best that we can be we fail because we did not meet our spouses emotional needs please forgive us help us today to walk out of this church being determined to love and to cherish to be affectionate and caring with our lives help us God to realize their made totally different to us they've been wired up with a divine design to think differently to act differently help us God all of us men in this household of faith to be Christian men in our marriages to be loving men to be patient to be kind to be gracious we pray for our spouses our wives that they too will understand our needs the need to be honored to be respected and to be loved granted this lesson today that comes to us out of your Holy Word will never be forgotten by us that will place these principles and these holy Oracle's into our lives and place them under forefront of our minds as we live from day to day grant most of all this day I pray for your Holy Spurs in each of our lives and in our marriages help us to remain faithful to you and me on that last day as we are on this day hand in hand look up to the heavens and say lo this is our God we have waited for him and he will save us we pray this pray in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit that everybody say Amen [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]

Channel: CWC SDA

Views: 6,720

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: CWC, SDA, Community, Worship, Center, community, worship, center, sda, Pastor, Abraham, J., Jules, Principals That Cause Marriage

Id: sx-w7VWcQsk

Length: 48min 11sec (2891 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 30 2019