Confessions of a Binge-Eating, Wellness Influencer | Jamie Hess | TEDxWilmingtonSalon

foreign I feel like I need a muzzle I got that in a text from a coaching client to mine her name's Rachel they stared at her words and it hit me I identified the feeling of having your brain hijacked by a thought that becomes a compulsion the feeling of being held hostage by the very food you need to stay alive I understand that and it damn near killed me now maybe this is your story maybe it's not maybe you've suffered with food compulsions addiction maybe not but I have to imagine that every single one of you out there today has had a time in your life when your actions felt incongruous with who you want to be right and when that impacts your health that can feel very desperate ah but the gift of desperation it is a powerful thing oftentimes only when we're in enough pain do we actually take action and change and I don't really want that for you so before we leave today I'm going to leave you with a three-step action plan to navigate those tricky times they're techniques that work for me and they led me to a life of Freedom a life beyond my happiest dreams if I'm being honest they also led me to my happiest vacation about three years ago my husband and I took a trip but not just any trip we took a trip to Disney World now officially it was a big brother appreciation trip my son Mason had been a real trooper through the birth of my second child Asher and we wanted to recognize him as the individual that he is with a trip to the happiest place on earth now historically a trip presents something else along with it for me at least anxiety a whole pile of it see I always wanted to be one of those people who got up early for a run on the beach or packed an apple in my purse for a snack I just couldn't do it I'd have all this High resolve and then it would all come Crashing Down usually before I even checked into the hotel but not this time this time I honestly had the happiest trip of my life I mean have you ever tried to frown while watching Tinkerbell zipline off Cinderella's castle I'm pretty sure it's physically impossible but I had the happiest trip because I made a plan and I stuck to it by asking my partner for support I used accountability now I'm a wellness podcast host so I'm kind of on the front lines of the category and I hear the top experts sharing on things every week and I kept hearing the stat come up on accountability it said that people who use accountability are 65 to 95 more likely to meet a goal 65 to 95 percent well that's a pretty compelling stat so I thought maybe I should raise my hand and ask for help and I did and in doing so okay you ready for this I came home three pounds down from Disney World big deal for me maybe not such a big deal for you but what I really came home with that was maybe more important for us all is an immense amount of pride in myself and my behavior I also deepen my level of communication and support with my husband by using his help and most importantly I was present with my child on that trip I didn't let racing thoughts of food steal my joy I decided to suit up and show up by asking for the help that I needed I learned a thing or two about asking for help a couple years back before that when I really had no place to go but up it's six o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday I'm 23 years old the light is streaming through my window my alarm is going off mocking me attacking me I'm saying bolt upright on the side of my bed because I haven't been to sleep yet and now it's time to go to work see I work in public relations I have this job at a fancy shiny New York City Tower where every day is a fashion show but I don't really exactly feel the part I look around me there's people strewn everywhere and varying degrees of Consciousness I guess you could call them my friends I barely even know them I pick out an outfit black pants and a ruffle top a costume I'm playing dress-up I'm really a Slave to my thoughts to my actions to my behavior I'm an addict I Trot out of my apartment and go towards the subway clip clap clip clap listen to the sound of my Manolo blahniks going down the street when I say to myself never again never again Jamie it's my mantra I say it so often lately it's boring in a white light Moment of clarity I realize it always happens again if nothing changes nothing changes and this is too much for me to handle alone I stop at the top of the subway stairs people jostle by on their way to work and I searched through my purse for my Nokia flip phone I pull it out and I call my friend Rex he's the only person I know at this point Who's gotten sober and he told me one time when you're ready kid give me a call I was ready I called him and his voice was warm and comforting brought tears to my eyes he told me he was going to be okay he was going to come get me after work we're going to work this out but he asked me a very important question could I not use any more drugs between then and the end of the day when he was going to come get me well I thought about the plastic baggies in my purse I nodded sheepishly I'll try you guessed it within an hour's time I had failed the assignment now why did I fail the assignment for the same reason I had failed the never again Mantra to myself in weeks past when we are in an addictive cycle we are not in control of our Behavior we need help Rex did come that night and that actually started my 20-plus year journey in recovery and I got to say life got good it got real good I leaned Into Fitness and Wellness hard I actually became a fitness influencer and I share Fitness and lifestyle hacks with my followers on Instagram I'm a television personality sharing fit mom lifestyle hacks on shows like the view Good Morning America and Beyond my now husband and I even got engaged on the treadmills at Barry's boot camp I was really coasting along until fast forward the birth of my first child which should have been the happiest time of my life became the darkest of course I loved my new baby but any other parents out there yeah okay you feel me I was having a hard time loving those early days with an infant my anxiety was through the roof my hormones were all over the place I was using every coping tool I had ever learned I was praying I was meditating I was writing so many gratitude lists my pen would run out of ink but I wasn't really sharing with anybody what was going on and So eventually I did what I know how to do I self-medicated but this time it wasn't with substances it was with food but as an addict I know addictive behavior when I see it so when I realized that the Corby treats I'm going to The Pantry for 500 times a day have an intense hold over me I start to get worried I'm just gonna have one more granola bar one more bowl of cereal one more cookie I have the one more my taste buds have a conversation with my brain and boom I'm no longer in control of the show and so I eat I eat and I eat and I eat and then I panic how am I going to fix this how am I going to lose the weight I'm a fitness influencer for crying out loud and because of that it's funny I wasn't and am an influencer and so I'm used to sharing everything with my followers including my history as an addict so why couldn't I fess up about this so often we are more ashamed of our problems with food than we would be with other things substances alcohol I mean look you want me to get in front of a room full of people and tell a story about a deplorable cocaine binge I'm your girl but you want me to admit that I get wrestled into my own pantry by a box of Girl Scout cookies that will take me down until there's nothing but crumbs left in the Box I'm paralyzed with shame and embarrassment one day after a particularly impressive binge I do something I haven't done in a long time I walk into my bathroom stick my fingers down my throat and release all the food I've just ingested now this particular day I'm home alone with the baby and I hear him crying in the other room low doesn't really begin to describe that feeling all because I was too scared and embarrassed to ask for help but like I said before the gift of desperation is a powerful thing and that's how I found myself later that night at the threshold of my living room door meekly mumbling to my husband babe I think we need to talk I was ready to change I was ready to take my life back and that's why I made what I call my big ask see I believe that we can heal from food shame reverse emotional eating by asking for help and learning how to do that correctly so how do you do it correctly sounds pretty easy right you just ask well if it were that easy I have to imagine a lot more people would just do it so luckily because of my days in corporate I learned a thing or two about structuring a project so today I'm going to teach you how to become the CEO of you because if anything I said here tonight resonated with you personally first of all I want you to feel seen I also want you to know you are no longer a victim but it takes guts and gumption you gotta slip into that big boss chair and take action with three simple steps step one assess your mess this is where you take stock of the project right any good CEO knows their shortcomings they're blind spots and you can't change what you don't admit so ask yourself where do I get the most triggered around food what is the food when in the day does it happen and most importantly what is the biggest Secret I am keeping let me tell you something we are only as sick as our secrets and once you get them out they no longer have power over you great now you've assessed your mess step two make a critical hire this is where you enlist that accountability partner are you ready for the best part you want to hear the job description they need no particular skills they don't have to be a clean eater or a gym rat or any of that they just need to be someone you can rely on got someone in mind that's your person that's the person you're going to sit down with eye to eye and share your mess if you don't get vulnerable if you don't tell them how hard this has been for you won't have their full attention getting comfortable having uncomfortable conversations it's going to become your new superpower step three one team one dream so that study I was talking about earlier it's from the American Society of training and development it says people have the following probabilities of completing a goal so if you just think about the goal I want to do this you're only 10 likely to complete it not great odds pick a deadline your odds raise to 40 percent ah but tell somebody that you're going to do it it raises to 65 but when you actually make a check-in with that person your chances of success lift to 95 percent so what did we learn today the key to having an accountability partner is using the accountability partner terrific so here's the thing as I Round the Corner towards the end of this talk I want to leave you with a solid action item you have that person in your mind's eye earlier right when I walk off the stage what if you pulled out your phone what if you sent them a text and scheduled that chat and I mean schedule it goes on the calendar so you don't lose your nerve because I know this is not easy asking for help is not a lazy man's job but you deserve it you deserve to live your happiest most free life and it all starts with this text one team one dream in closing you know as a coach the two most common trepidations I hear from people that why they don't want to ask for help number one they're scared the person's gonna say no spoiler alert that almost never happens reason number two they don't want to be a bother let me tell you something by not asking somebody for help you are actually robbing them of an opportunity to feel good about themselves to show up for you to be a hero the Greek philosopher Aristotle said the essence of life is to serve others and do good we were put here to connect and help each other don't miss the opportunity thank you and namaste [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 31,572

Keywords: Achievement, Diet, Empowerment, English, Happiness, Hardship, Health, TEDxTalks, [TEDxEID:51436]

Id: P1Swvy-MjUY

Length: 17min 5sec (1025 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 20 2022