>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST
GUEST TONIGHT HAS WRITTEN FOR "THE SIMPSONS" AND "S.N.L.," AND
AFTER 25 YEARS, HE'S THE ELDER STATESMAN OF LATE-NIGHT HOSTS. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," MY FRIEND AND YOURS, CONAN O'BRIEN! ♪ ♪ ♪<i>
( APPLAUSE )</i> <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
♪ ♪ ♪ <i> ( CHEERS )</i>
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH! >> Stephen: CONAN O'BRIEN. NICE TO SEE YOU. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE. >> A LOVELY CROWD. >> Stephen: VERY DPIETD SEE
CONAN O'BRIEN. >> WHAT A DAY. WHAT A DAY. >> Stephen: BACK ON THE EAST
COAST. SO A TREAT FOR US. >> BACK IN TOWN. BIG DAY. SUPER BOWL. THAT WAS A CRAZY GAME. >> Stephen: IT WAS. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
YOU HAVE EXCITING NEWS, THE NEW CONAN. >> IT'S REALLY NOT. IT'S THE SAME CONAN. YOU'RE THE SAME CON CONE CONAN B
IT'S A NEW FORMAT. >> IT'S A NEW FORMAT. I'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR SO LONG,
LET'S DO HALF AN HOUR. WE NOTICED OUR CROWD AFTER A
HALF HOUR, "WE'RE GOOD." <i> ( LAUGHTER ).</i> >> Stephen: REALLY? >> ANYWAY --
>> Stephen: I THINK-- I THINK IN SHOW BUSINESS WE CALL THAT,
"LEAVE THEM WANTING SOME." >> EVEN AT HALF AN HOUR THEY'RE
LIKE, "YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GO TO 15." >> Stephen: TONIGHT,
OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE DRESSED BEAUTIFULLY. >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: BUT SUEDE-- A
SUEDE JACKET. >> YEAH. >> Stephen: I'M SEEING-- I'M
SEEING A LOT MORE LEATHER JACKETS. >> YEAH, YEAH. >> Stephen: DENIM, A LOT MORE
DENIM. NO MORE SUITS--
>> I LIKE TO LOOK LIKE A PROSPEROUS FARMER, YOU KNOW, A
FARMER WHO HAS INVESTED WELL IN HIGH-TECH. THAT'S THE LOOK I'M GOING FOR. >> Stephen: UH-HUH... >> IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME. I GOT TIRED OF WEARING A SUIT,
AND I THINK THE SUIT IS GREAT. I'VE DONE IT FOR SO MANY YEARS
-- >> Stephen: YOU SAID THAT LIKE
YOU'RE AFRAID TO HURT THE SUIT'S FEELINGS. >> THERE'S A SUIT HERE GOING,
"COME OGIVE ME A CHANCE." NO, IT LOOKS GREAT. IT LOOKS TERRIFIC. >> Stephen: SURE. >> BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
INTERVIEWING ME FOR A BANK LOAN. AND I WANTED TO JUST SORT OF--
I'M A REAL HARD WORKER. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
I I WANTED TO KIND OF JUST WEAR THE KIND OF CLOTHES THAT I DO IN
REAL LIFE. THE ONLY THING THAT'S IMPORTANT
TO ME IS THAT I WEAR A JACKET. I HAVE TO WEAR A JACKET. >> Stephen: WHY IS THIS? >> THANK YOU FOR ASKING. >> Stephen: IT'S MY JOB. IT'S MY JOB. <i> ( LAUGHTER ).</i> >> I WEAR-- I HAVE TO WEAR A
JACKET BECAUSE I HAVE TO BREAK UP WHERE MY-- THE MIDDLE OF MY
BODY IS BECAUSE I HAVE A-- AND THIS IS A CONFESSION-- I HAVE A
VERY DISPROPORTIONATE BODY. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> WHEN I WAS 14 YEARS OLD, I
HAD A MASSIVE GROWTH SPURT, MASSIVE. I AM 6'4". I WENT FROM BEING A KID TO 6'4"
OVERNIGHT, LITERALLY OVERNIGHT. MY LEGS GREW AND GREW AND GREW,
AND MY TORSO NEVER DID. I HAVE THE LEGS -- THE LEGS-- OF
AN N.B.A. CENTER, AND I HAVE THE TORSO OF A LITTLE GIRL. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE'S NOT EVEN A HEALTHY LITTLE
GIRL. SHE WAS BORN IN THE 1840s HELP
HER NAME IS MOLLY AND SHE HAS RICKETTS. >> Stephen: WE HAVE A PICTURE. >> THAT'S MY TORSO RIGHT THERE
FROM A LONG TIME OKAY OOG. THANKS. THANKS FOR SHOWING THAT. THANK YOU. THAT'S FUNNY. NO ONE MENTIONED YOU WOULD BE
SHOWING THAT PHOTO. >> Stephen: KEEP UP THE B-12. >> BUT IT IS, I HAVE-- AND SO I
HAVE VERY, VERY LONG LEGS, AND THIS THEN TINY LITTLE TORSO THAT
SITS ATOP. AND PEOPLE THINK I AM
EXAGGERATING BUT I CAN PROVE TO YOU THAT I AM NOT--<i>
( CHEERS ).</i> >> LOOK AT THIS-- THIS... <i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
THIS IS MY NATURAL... AND, LOOK, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: YES. >> I LOOK LIKE A SHORE BIRD
AVOIDING AN OIL SPILL, DON'T I? <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
IT'S JUST A FREAK SHOW. AND THEN I ARE THIS LITTLE R2D2
BODY ON TOP. IT'S A FREAK SHOW. >> Stephen: IT IS. >> IT'S A FREAK SHOW AND IT'S
CAUSED ME -- >> Stephen: IT IS. >> AND I HAVE --
>> Stephen: NO-- NO PHOTOGRAPHS. NO PAPIER-MACHE. HE IS ALIVE. >> HE IS ALIVE. HE IS ALIVE! AND MY PANTS, I'M ALWAYS PUSHING
THEM DOWN. THEY'RE PUSHED DOWN NOW. THEY ARE ARTIFICIALLY PUSHED
DOWN. MY PENIS IS HERE. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
WHEN I USE A URINAL, I HAVE TO FLIP THE TIE BACK! <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
UNBUTTON TWO BUT ORNGZ LADY, NOT ONE. LEAN DOWN, TAKE CARE OF
BUSINESS. >> Stephen: SURE. SURE. SURE. >> IT'S A BAD SCENE, MAN. >> Stephen: SURE. >> A REAL BAD SCENE. >> Stephen: SO NO MORE SUITS. NO MORE SUITS. >> YOU BREAK IT UP A LITTLE BIT. I REALIZE I JUST UNDID ALL THE
GOOD I'M TRYING TO DO BY DISPLAYING MY BODY. BUT IT'S BEEN A SOURCE OF GREAT
SHAME FOR ME AND I WANT OTHER KIDS OUT THERE --
>> Stephen: I'M GLAD, I'M GLAD. >> YOU'RE GLAD I FEEL SHAME. >> Stephen: YES, A LITTLE
SHAME IS A GOOD THING. >> IT'S A VERY GOOD THING. >> Stephen: AFTER 25 YEARS ON
THE AIR, THE SHOW HAS CHANGED. WHAT ELSE-- WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU
LEARNED ABOUT YOURSELF OVER THE YEARS? BECAUSE, CERTAINLY, WHEN YOU DO
ONE OF THESE SHOWS, YOU LEARN WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF. >> RIGHT. >> Stephen: BUT THEN YOU'LL
FIND OUT THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU NEVER KNEW. >> YES. I FOUND OUT-- AND THIS ISN'T
EVEN THROUGH THE SHOW. THIS IS JUST LIFE, AS YOU GO ON
IN LIFE, WHEN I STARTED MY SHOW, I HAD JUST TURNED 30, I DIDN'T
KNOW WHO I WAS YET. I'VE GROWN UP AND BECOME SORT OF
A MAN. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
ON TELEVISION, OVER THESE LAST 25 YEARS. BUT I'M FINDING OUT NEW THINGS
ALL THE TIME. I FOUND OUT-- I WENT TO SEE MY
DOCTOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO. AND-- JUST FAIR PHYSICAL. HE WAS DOING THE PHYSICAL. AND HE SAID, "BY THE WAY, CONAN,
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE INTO THIS, BUT I DO D.N.A. TESTING. I'M VERY GOOD AT IT. WE COULD FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR
HERITAGE." I THINK SOME PEOPLE HAVE DONE
THAT-- 23ANDME. I SAID SURE, LET'S DO IT. HE TOOK A D.N.A. SAMPLE, AND I
LEFT. TWO WEEKS LATER HE CALLED ME UP. AND HE SAID, "I HAVE NEVER,
EVER, EVER HAD A D.N.A. RESULT LIKE THIS BEFORE, AND I'VE BEEN
DOING THIS FOR 10 YEARS." AND I SAID, "WHAT IS IT?"
HE SAID "YOU ARE"-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- "YOU ARE 100% IRISH." <i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
NOW, LISTEN, THERE'S MORE. HOLD IT. HE SAID, "YOU ARE 100%." HE SAID, "I'VE NEVER SEEN 100%
ANYTHING. I'VE DONE THIS WITH LOTS OF
PEOPLE. I'VE SEEN 93.5. I'VE SEEN 96.1. THERE'S NO SUCH-- NO ONE IS 100%
IRISH." HE SAID, "IF YOU GO TO
IRELAND"-- AND I LOOKED IT UP AND IT'S TRUE, YOU GET THEIR
D.N.A. SAMPLE AND YOU FIND THEY'RE 84% IRISH. THE LUCKY CHARMS LEPRECHAUN--
TRUE FACT-- 11% SPANISH. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
AND I-- HE SAID, "YOU'RE 100%." AND I SAID-- I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
TO MAKE OF THIS. I SAID, "WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"
HE SAID, "WHAT DOES IT MEAN? IT MEANS YOU'RE INBRED." AND HE SAID IT-- HE SAID IT JUST
LIKE THAT! HE SAID IT LIKE THAT, ""YOU'RE
INBRED." AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT!"
FIRST OF ALL, THAT'S VERY RUDE. BUT THEN ALL THIS STUFF STARTED
TO MAKE SENSE TO ME, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SUDDENLY, EVERYTHING CAME
TOGETHER. <i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).</i> >> Stephen: WELL, CAN I ASK--
IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, IN YOUR GENERATION, IS YOUR WIFE
IRISH? DID YOU--
>> HERE'S WHAT WHEREIT GETS CRAZY, OKAY. BECAUSE I-- YOU KNOW, I LOOKED
INTO IT, AND I FOUND OUT THE REASON I'M 100% IRISH IS MY
PEOPLE-- WE CAME TO BOSTON AROUND THE TIME OF THE CIVIL
WAR. WE JUST ALL MOVED INTO A VERY
SMALL AREA, A KORB CORNER OF WORCESTERRER MASSACHUSETTS--
WON'T WOOO WORSTER. NOBODY WOOOS WORSTER. THEY MOVED INTO A SMALL CORNER
OF WORCESTER, MASSACHUSETTS, AND MARRIED EACH OTHER FOR 180
YEARS. THAT'S WHAT THEY DID. AND I REALIZED -- AND THEN I SAW
THAT MY BROTHERS WERE MARRYING 100% IRISH WOMEN. AND HAVING KIDS THAT LOOKED LIKE
THOSE KIDS THAT WOULD BE LIKE, "WE'RE OFF TO GET ON THE
"TITANIC." IT WILL ALL GO WELL." SO IRISH LOOKING. AND SO I-- I-- I STOPPED THE
MADNESS. I STOPPED THE MADNESS. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY WIFE--
I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 17 YEARS. I LOVE HER TO DEATH. MY WIFE IS 50% IRISH. <i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i> 25% SCOTTISH. 25% WELSH. AND I SWEAR TO GOD, IN MY
FAMILY, THEY ACT LIKE, "CONAN GOD JUNGLE FEVER." <i> ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )</i> MY BROTHER'S ARE LIKE, "WHAT'S
IT LIKE, MAN! YOU WENT CRAZY!"
>> Stephen: "CONAN" AIRS WEEKNIGHTS ON TBS, AND NEW
EPISODES OF THE PODCAST "CONAN O'BRIEN NEEDS A FRIEND" ARE
AVAILABLE EVERY MONDAY. CONAN O'BRIEN, EVERYBODY! WHEN WE COME, BACK I SHARE SOME
PERSONAL SPACE WITH STEVE CARELL.
This is amazing lmao
Conan is Poppa Long Legs
Now I'm curious what his inseam is.... I know from experience that 36 length for jeans is the longest you'll find in stores.
As someone who grew up next to Worcester, MA I can confirm it is indeed un-wooable
I can’t tell if Colbert is just letting Conan talk or he can’t think of anything witty to say during the interview. Either way this shows just how much better of a comedian Conan is.
OMG That walk.
Do you think Conan actually likes Colbert? He seems a little uncomfortable or something. I could be reading too much into it.
Callmekevin has found his pair
He was born in the US so not 100 percent.