Clone High S1, but it's just Joan Of Arc

[Music] donavak up top don't touch me gandhi too slow welcome back joan you got breasts jeez you you grew like a foot you grew like a pair of breasts luckily the extra height doesn't feel that awkward i'm up i wish i'd seen you more over the summer but i was at camp was it breast cancer okay you get one more well brand new year same old faces man one of the eldest ones really let himself go hasn't anyone here grown at all you were thinking it i know [Music] you know abe i've been thinking i'm gonna date a lot more this year uh-huh yeah i want to date cleopatra she's attractive smart athletic good-looking she's hot photogenic she takes pride in her appearance i guess what i'm trying to say is i admire her commitment to community service you don't think dating an old friend would be better you know maybe someone that you know you take for granted no i like cleo but even think about it like an old friend nope cleo only cleo hi are those longer sideburns [Music] abe i think you're bleeding not now fine i'll go wait for you by the gauze school's always awkward i just want you to know i can relate you see i'm not just your kindly history teacher i'm also the first mostly human clone spliced in a little sheep dna which is fine with me you can't even tell mr sheepman thank you before you leave we have an announcement from miss of ark i admire her commitment to community service now i know i don't have to tell you how committed i am to community service that's why i'm starting a teen crisis hotline and i'm looking for volunteers they're not geeks gandhi they're just delightfully eccentric hello cohorts it is i george washington carver and i spent my summer bio-engineering this anthropomorphic peanut i oh goddess i shake your hands but you know peanut arms all right they're geeks but we have better things to do than worry about who or what we're seen with no gandhi's right this isn't about who we hang out with this is about not having to put your hand on your own buttock and pretend it's a woman's breast all i'm saying is a girl is interested in me and i'm not going to ignore it if i want you going to what forgot what you're going to say happens to me all the time well i'm off can't believe we got eleanor roosevelt as a gym teacher yeah he's great you know abe tonight i finally had the night off from the hotline which is community service so i was thinking we could like you know carpool to jfk's party you know save gas you like talking to mark well you can tuck your tight little buns into principal scudwar's office slowly oh yeah mr mark i'll overlook your little gym class disruption if you help me with the report i'm writing tell me your likes and dislikes well i dislike being tied to a chair good i'll use a big fat butts with the margins then i'll be home in time for jay leno you would like leno how dare you insult that big chin to every man and his various african-american band leaders perhaps you'll learn some respect spending the rest of the afternoon in my death phase death maze huh oh hi i was in the maze once it was hot you know i'm hot now i think i'll take my shirt off ah ready for the weekend gandhi i think it's really big of you to skip the party and work the hotline tonight uh of course sure i buckled under the pressure of living up to the original gunny and became a non-stop party machine but damn it i still care so joan you can count on me uh no no not at a party we're just really busy here at the teen hotline wow suzy kelly do me a favor and make out so you're depressed hey i thought you had to work the hotline tonight no man i just forwarded the calls on my cell phone look i'll talk to you when you can stop crying and you're not afraid of joan catching and ultimately killing you oh i'm so scared well i think i'll just jump off this balcony in case she's oh my god congratulations abe the people were clamoring to make asses of themselves and you gave them the means to do it not exactly i i could only get non-alcoholic beer they're gonna be able to tell i'm a pony you'll be fine joan have you ever liked someone so much you're afraid you're gonna blurt out something stupid i have a rash on my back to talk about it you wouldn't understand maybe you should tell abe how you really feel what good would that do maybe he just thinks you don't think he doesn't want to not ruin the friendship you make it sound so simple maybe one of us just needs to make the first move maybe that one of us is you thanks mr b i love you don't mention it wesley [Music] maybe it's the beer talking i doubt it it's just i always saw you as this honest guy but now i'm seeing you as a cool guy who just happens to be honest doesn't that blow your mind that's me cool honest abe oh babe it's like there's a tin can phone from your brain to my heart [Music] oh man that does suck that were me i would probably kill myself hello hey joan cool stun gun wait [Music] well choosing between a jerk who's good for your image and a nice sensitive guys not really much of a problem what should i do [Music] go for the jerk oh and sleep with them right away it's never too early for your first time oh and also don't floss your teeth you do have to make sacrifices to be the best damn it you know what go with the nicer guy and flossing keeps gums healthy and removes plaque from hard to brush areas did you just screw yourself you know even if these pants do fall off i'm still wearing boxers ah good thing there was no one around to see that wannabe sure maybe pretending to be drunk will use the pain so uh are you uh drunk enough yet to sleep with me answer the question you you're holding it fear get in well that's two which is all we could fit in the squad car the rest of you are free to go well i'm not gonna let this get me down i'm up look right now you're a loser a big one but soon someone else will make an even bigger ass in themselves and then everyone else will forget about what a big big big cruiser you are [Music] thanks van gogh i hate this school surprise cleopatra didn't fill them up with acid actually cleo says it would kill the piranhas joan of arc don't think about the mode in terms of its divisive ignorance think of it as an opportunity for building community hey community skinny dipping in the piranha mode yo everybody get naked i've got to go console her abe lincoln don't she's just trying to get attention and you're falling for it ugh it makes me so mad i could kiss you what was that last part i'm sorry no i i said i i i could piss glue as in uh oh i'm so angry i could piss glue i've never heard of that but it's a very common expression huh well see ya stupid joan real stupid i can't believe jfk is running unopposed i mean you'd think with a school full of world leaders someone would be into student government well i'm a genetic duplicate of abe lincoln and i'm not fit to be president if i only knew what fears and insecurities were holding me back you should run i'll manage your campaign together we'll fight for things that really matter like new bishops for the chess club so what you're saying is if i run for president i can get cleo to like me that's why she likes jfk because he's a natural leader great idea joan clumsy joan really clumsy abe hey your speech wasn't that bad oh okay maybe the encore wasn't the best idea but but the speech itself what stinks in here man you think it's too much abe i just pulled everyone in the girl's bathroom you're ahead i knew the polar did you say i was winning straight up man numbers don't lie i'm the number five that's it all of the pictures i have of him over my bed are coming down except for that one where he's under the tree with his shirt off hawk that sounds like the gentle knock of a vulnerable teenage girl you're wet allow me to draw you off with my pants i want to manage your campaign hey whatever you're into dads i'm going to be busy nailing this kinky broad for the next 15 minutes would you shut up i'm here because i can't stand a being cleo's puppet and you can't win the election without my help here's what we're gonna do well how about dental damn okay no dental dam [Music] ape what are you doing here i come out here to think sometimes me too well right now all i can think about is not thinking about you over there on your thinking doc thinking about what you did i was only trying to help abe you don't know what you're getting into what she's getting you into you don't know what you're getting into and that's out of my friendship and you know what hurts the most joan this nail i just stepped on but there's a metaphorical nail in my other foot that hurts the second most and it's from you backstabbing me so maybe instead of the nail metaphor i should have used a stabbing metaphor but it's too late for that now isn't it i guess it is that's where you're wrong joan because i'm gonna win that election with the most dangerous campaign stunt since dukakis jumped the snake river canyon goodbye joe goodbye joan [Music] wait everyone you should vote for abe because a real leader does what abe just did and what he always does he stands up for the right thing even if it makes him look like a jackass that's the kind of jackass i want in my corner not the highest score yet on the applause up the official voting system of clone looks like lincoln is your new president you're gonna make a great ass president thanks joe for showing me how to be a real ass leader ah your impressions are awesome uh spazz putting fries up your nose is not an impression you actually are a guy with fries up his nose oh you like impressions huh hi i'm joe livark and i wear a repair up high honesty this bent wire better not cause an overbite or in three to five years i'm gonna perfect oh sorry i didn't see you there [Music] don't feel alone god is always with you did you just say something oh the voices finally the voices jesus christ do you know the story of joan of arc yeah i've seen a movie got on dvd on she was like 16 right and then god told her to make the frenchies fight the englishes you know people that drink tea all the time have big teeth and then people started getting mad cause she was hearing voices and then at the end she got cooked like a steak pretty good i give a thumbs up homes basically see i've never been able to live up to her that's why instead i became a cynical angst ridden goth girl but now i'm hearing voices religious voices damn hey they tell you who's going to win the latin grammys if it's ricky martin don't tell me don't tell me it's ricky martin huh this is totally freaking me out hey take a hit relax god's message can be a total trip but you know what you have to do what he tells you hey because god has a plan for all of us a painful painful plan wait wait the voices are telling me to head on down to saint paul's mattress discounters i have to go hey zeus god's power's in the mix be careful with that nail gun jesus jesus saves and so will we on california kings all weekend long if you can find a lower price god will give you a bed frame for free oh feel it firm but not too firm just like the lord god won't stop talking to me his power is in the mix i haven't slept in 78 hours oh my goodness i'm tired geez that guy's like 45 is there heather in the crowd heather heather i have a message for you jerome wants you to forgive him for hooking up a lupe trace party and god is commanding all of us to give a shout out to all the locals at the in and out in la puente his power is in the mess we're 107 fm where the mix of fresh christian jam slam first his power is in the mix coming up we've got a rock crusade 40 minutes of non-stop amy grant i can't i you know i gotta take him okay i can't believe it jerome hooked up with lupe maybe i can help i think god left one last song in me you're ready for god [Music] uh i make films okay on video experimental video are technically not intended for audience wow cliff art you know i'm glad we get to spend some time alone hi abe my film is really coming along i'm doing an autobiography called the best of the best of the best of the best of the best the whole premise is how tough it is to be me popular smart well-traveled and incredibly well endowed boobs hey is there a time limit on the films would you tell a sunset that it couldn't last forever sunsets last six minutes does the sunset have a soundtrack featuring smash mouth see ya and abe i'll see you at the movies wow [Laughter] um joan thank god you're okay i've been looking all over the restaurant for you hey we put out an apb on your missing friend it's okay officer i found her what are you doing here it's not safe this table's not even bust i don't know how to say this you don't have to you think the film fest is too commercial i do yes film at clone high used to be just you and andy warhol and your disturbing art films but now cleo's got her epic gandhi's doing his cop movie and mother teresa's got that team slasher sex romp but it's not about them this festival's all about you joan me abe you and me and what you have here heart wise like my film it's everything i've been wading up in the sad chamber of my heart and now i'm shooting that wad in 35 millimeter joan isn't there just one thing in that beautiful and honest heart of yours that you need to express yes ape i love shh don't tell me show me in your film well i'll see you guys okay remember you're gabe gabe lincoln now your motivation is that you're in love with your best friend but you just haven't told her yet and go line ugh there is no line right now you just scream and weep and go ah [Music] [Applause] well there it is i'm finished well i'm not keep it down over there finally a film that perfectly expresses all of my feelings for aid hey joan what was that you were saying quietly abe hi i just finished my film and it really expresses my truth i'm so proud of you opening yourself up and expressing what's inside you're such an honest and true friend friend it's been hard for me because i'm trying to win over cleo and run the film fest but knowing that i have you as a pal gives me the strength to do it pal don't worry bro cleo will never take your place as my best friend bro yeah even closer than a sister so close that we could sleep in the same bed and never touch or kiss so anyway thanks for expressing yourself man man [Music] joan i almost forgot to pick up your amigo buddy fella where are you guy hey what's this you're going to express yourself joan even if i have to do it for you do you mind some of us are nailing catherine the great here or should i say catherine the so-so what abe abe abe why is my name on the program because it deserves to be i found your film in the trash can and i submitted it no no you don't understand abe this film is embarrassing for both of us how could i be embarrassed by a friend who's got the legs me that's who me who knows joan maybe your film will change the world that's what i'm afraid of open up thomas edison i know what you're after joan and you're not gonna get it but you don't understand or do i no or is it yes no let me in you can try all you want joan but we both know that even an angry woman can't claw through steel that's two feet thick damn coal powered projectors well all the films are ruined there is no god there is a god except jones film which has somehow expanded in the fire and will now be seen in widescreen ah there is no god this is a sign joan if you don't express yourself you'll just keep saying fine when someone asks you how you are and then one day someone will say how are you joan and you know what your answer will be there won't be one because you'll be dead look i think it's obvious what this is about so let's just get it over with [Music] whisper whisper hush hush [Music] booboo [Music] whisper bye go away sigmund freud could it be any more obvious so i guess things are totally different now not really everyone's still rioting no i mean my film now you know the truth about how i feel uh yeah and it doesn't change things no thanks for not making this too weird i just felt so exposed because mine was the only film that was truly personal what did you watch my movie joan or did you just see it unlike you i didn't make a beeline for the obvious i used a little something called symbolism you see joan i was that giraffe wow so if you were the giraffe who is that little girl good night joan good night i've got nothing to say that pxjt crap is useless in the real world everything i need to know i learned on the streets so you suck at taking tests yeah you could take a prep course school after school no way i mean one school is enough for the g-man but two schools is like what oh here comes a quick uh pretend this is something funny hey you just farted that's hilarious i haven't slept in two days abe the pxjts are coming up you need sleep come on joan i've got a list of a million things to do sleep i'll be the number one thing on that list pal i was in my 18-wheeler late one night but about the sleepy hour [Music] when i come upon a cop car around the suicide i could tell he was too sleepy to be driving right then and there so i get up next to him and try to guide him off the road with my right [Laughter] did you kill him kill him i saved his life of course he's a [ __ ] now dang is that your rig sweet man trucking must be the life whizzing in a bottle solving mysteries not having to take the pxjts all the time did you say pxjts it's so cool joan cleo and i are getting really close abe your card it's it's rolling abe it's gonna hit that animal cracker display abe it's moving really slowly just step forward and grab the handle hey hey you're too tired to be grocery shopping your reflexes are shot my reflexes are fine in three seconds i'm gonna slap you across the face you have a problem you see i have a secret abe and it's time i told you that secret oh i can't it's such a big secret perhaps i'll tell you later all i can say right now is you need to sleep i don't take orders from you or anyone hi cleo sure i'll take your order spicy tuna roll california well okay got it yeah yeah oh i always ask for more ginger now i'm getting in the car you can't drive what if there had been real animals inside this box yeah joan i'm gonna crash into a big box of animals cleo we need to talk abe's not sleeping you gotta cut down on his hours capisce somebody's jealous normally yes but there's something you don't know cleo something that happened something personal it happened to me personally but there's no time to explain that now because we need to help abe i'm gonna be meaning to hate food i hope you've all come prepared with number two pencils mr b no one suspects the slightest lightest lightest lightest abe did you get any sleep yep all nighter with cleo pxjts important must not listen to body [Music] hmm what's going on here are you guys having a pillow fight i wish i wish this is an intervention abe you have a problem and it needs to stop i just need to stay up a few more hours so you can save a few more hours after that i'll sleep when i die you'll die if you don't sleep babe remember how i was so excited about seeing the movie american pie that i couldn't sleep the night before and remember that scene where the guy has sex with the pie well i don't because i fell asleep in the theater why didn't you just rent it i've got a story too abe a delicious story that i've been tantalizingly close to revealing for too long are you ready here it comes okay here's my story you know how i was at camp last summer it was a sleep away camp that's right a camp for people with sleeping problems at first i used to stay up just socially but but then i'd cut class to sneak out to the parking lot and stay awake finally they found me one day face up in the gutter wide awake and there's something else there's there's this my judgment was so poor due to sleep deprivation that i actually paid money for this joan i had no idea give me that pillow why is he looking at that pile bunny oh my god oh no he didn't [Music] [Music] abe you haven't slept you'll kill yourself this is the last thing i have to do for the last thing you'll ever do and i owe it all to my pal joan thanks joan wherever you are i'm right here so you are joan so you are swiss gandhi is pissed yo i work my beige ass off on that banner i'm gonna get those guest freaks back because if mahatma gandhi stands for anything it's revenge gandhi's scream was right the stakes were here but now they're here those gash hoodlums are gonna feel the wrath of 104 pounds of all-beef captain and the wrath of 105 pounds of grade a girl meet i'm playing on the team this year captain oh joan you know the rules no girls or animals can play on the boys teams but i beat you every time we play you were keeping score joan wait maybe you should try on my letterman's jacket you mean that's right joan i'm giving it to cleo at the homecoming prom and i want to see how it fits a girl what makes you think cleo wants your jacket you had one date with her and she went home with jfk her house is more on his way home [Music] i may be blind but i can still hear someone not following through on her jump shot what's troubling you joan oh toots i know i could help the boys basketball team but the rules don't allow girls or animals joanie you may find this hard to believe but there was a time before racism was eradicated when they wouldn't let black folks play organized sport so racism kept you from playing pro basketball yes joan yes it did over here yes joan yes it did as usual your words have inspired me toots i know just what i'm gonna do ah who are you my name is john dark as in john dark the french name for joan of r no nothing like that at all [Music] so john how come i've never seen you before yeah and who was the original john dark hm uh he was this explorer yeah an explorer and uh and then he saw the statue of liberty and realized he'd been on earth all along wow what a turn on i can't believe we haven't studied that yet my kennedy sense is detecting some fresh tale hey you're uh missy how about you and me play a little one-on-one i'll be uh leaving awkwardly now man this locker room full of naked boys is a lot like every other locker room i've ever been in that's for sure so abe nice playing out there nice well thanks to all your hot dogging and point scoring cleo hardly noticed me forget cleo she's a skanky ho well you'd be better off with someone like joe nevark are you serious john dark joan of arc sure that joan of arc is one tasty piece of [ __ ] well she's smart loyal pretty and i delight in her caustic wit but but nothing you should date the crap out of her wow me and joan somehow that doesn't sound so crazy hey i know what you're doing i see right through that mustache john or should i say the guy who's trying to get me interested in jones so he can have cleo for himself no i don't want cleo i want you to date joan well nice try john dark but forget it leo's my girl hey that's no way to treat a member of the team especially one whose skin is so silky smooth and by that i mean someone who's as smooth on the court as uh his skin is silky i mean thighs are milky i have to go so john dark and handsome when are you picking me up for the homecoming prom uh didn't abe ask you sure but he's not half the athlete you are or man milk thanks but i'm just not attracted to you in that way i'm sorry i'm not following i'm rejecting you rejecting me there's something fishy about that john dark to distract us from the homoerotic nature of this men's only weight room it is now time for the sexual conquest discussion to begin john doc please uh start us off i would never kiss and tell intruder in truth i'm i'm kidding of course let's see once i met this um girl yeah yeah and we kissed yeah yeah and then we held each other until the sun came up and then i nailed her jackpot yeah was that girl someone else's girlfriend dark because you seem to be into that you certainly don't have the moral fiber it takes to be captain like me you're out as captain and john docks in i shall now remove your embroidered sea [Music] why the long face genetics [Music] i never wanted you to get hurt abe it's a little late for that you may have my captain's c but you'll never get my other c cleo you're cleo as me to the dance you lie dark i'm not talking to you anymore there's no one i can trust even joan hasn't been around recently for some unsuspicious reason damn it i'm the tallest perfect hey uh new captain just wanted to say that you should pass me the ball more because i'm always open for anything penny for your thoughts oh mr butler tron i wanted i mean my friend wanted to show that girls can do anything boys can but in the process she ended up hurting the one boy she loves most your friend should listen to her heart i'm not programmed to wink but if i were programmed to wink i would have winked when i said your friend well mr b i just don't want to hurt abe what would the real joan of arc have done she would listen to her heart and then she would have gotten burned at the stake but yeah what are the odds that could happen again 38 [Music] he keeps passing to that gangly buffoon gabe [Music] hey we're lincoln counting on you to give the ball to dark he's shooting the free throws oh did you think that i i meant that you no let abe shoot he can make it forget it john i suck you should shoot yes listen to the sucky kid no i can't do this you see the rules don't allow girls or animals to play basketball but i wanted to prove that a girl can play just as good as any guy that's why i donned this clever disguise you see i'm not john dark i'm joan of arc oh so the uh fella was abroad from the get-go good-bye will and grace hello dormer and greg ugg i almost did it with joan what joan how could you lie to me abe try to understand oh i understand you sold us all a bill of goods and those goods turned out to be bad then you sold me up the river that may be but i set you up that river with my heart as a paddle but you took that paddle and smacked me in the face and i wear my heart on my sleeve so when i wiped my face i got heart all over it wait what are we talking about i don't know joan but i do know this you have to shoot those free throws no chance skeezix you know the rules under the eight you're in [Music] damn it shoot the damn ball no i admit it i laughed at joan when she wanted to be on the team and think of it a girl playing [Laughter] basketball know pretty weird huh but it turns out joan is the best player on the team i say let her shoot rule i'll just erase it ball is yours girly thanks eve score that point john dark score it like the wind [Music] ah [Music] oh i was these bad boys and burning man seven years in a row let's hit it for our hero i'm no hero i'm just a girl who loves basketball not you abe if abe hadn't made that speech you never would have scored hey hey hey oh abe you're my hero and that concludes our broadcast to the clone high homecoming game now stay tuned for the mills elementary school dodgeball championships candle what do you mean you haven't kissed her yet what about that night at jfk's party when everyone was drinking non-alcoholic beer what a hilarious night this is our first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend and cleo needs it to be perfect but jfk used to just park his van yeah yeah i heard so did everyone in fifth period english she's a screamer rabe enoch you kind of just rhymed kiss with kiss gandhi please call me g-spot whatever abe forget cleo i mean if two people are in love the first kiss will just happen at the right moment like this thanks joan your fake infatuation bit never fails to amuse you should join an improv troupe man i can't believe the only way i can see my girlfriend is on tv i know how you feel man [Music] abe be realistic i'll bet cleo's already hooked up with ashley angel from o'town wrong oh we made a deal to remain faithful no touching below the eyebrows abe all celebrities are completely hairless they put the eyebrows on and editing to make sure the actors make the right facial expressions we'll see who's laughing when cleo's wearing my letterman's jacket on a cable tv show which coincidentally is starting right now what's up that's not dancing it's built it's letterman jacketless filth and i don't condone it abe you need to forget about cleo and find yourself a new girl you're right jonah bark i'm gonna turn off this tape and find another girl possibly a redhead wait what's that vcr pause tape what's that around cleo's neck the world's ugliest necklace probably a gift from ashley angel from oh town vcr zoom in on cleo's necklace my jacket joan she did wear it lucky me no no no it doesn't count the arms the arms aren't even through the sleeves she violated the spirit of your agreement hey don't get on that plane i can't stand to not see you not make the biggest mistake of one of our lives what huh none of that matters cleo's flight has a layover in atlanta city if we drive we can meet her there and it'll save you three days travel time and about ninety dollars done thanks pal let's roll wow so everybody put your hands together and pull them apart then put them back together again making a skin-on-skin slapping noise for larry hardcore [Applause] are you ready to say no to drugs because if you don't say no to drugs you're going to say yes and believe me i know a little something about regret i really regret the time that i got ah and wrote a hit song and it made me insane amounts of calls i used to buy more drugs so that's why smoking raisins isn't cool wow that jonah mark is a convincing speaker oh cool people report to my van to smoke raisins yeah jfk is a convincing speaker are you coming abe well if you are and everyone else is hey don't what about all you've previously said about peer pressure joan cleo and i have been dating for two weeks now if i don't follow her to jfk's van she might hook up with someone else it's called trust joan what happened abe why didn't you just tell them you were high on your mother's love like we rehearsed i did joan but fortunately i have real friends who kept pressuring me until i understood the fantastical truth about raisins you've changed ape well maybe everything's changed only you haven't changed so you're the one who's changed because it's all relative hmm oh tree i wish you had some idea how to solve the raisin problem i got something that'll make all your teenage problems go up in smoke check it out [Music] [Music] first they'll smoke raisins and they'll shoot up apricots i know you can't resist man do you want to smoke some fruit check out my sweet-ass matching pants soon i'm the badass little plant pusher i'm the booty looking [ __ ] chicken [ __ ] kids [Music] [Music] so how many scoops how many do you got abe are you okay i am now joan man i look like a jackass now rainbow shorts yes you do abe but don't worry i've got a plan hey parents i bought all these raisins for me and my student peers and now we're gonna smoke them let's just burn them burn them like the roots wow these raven fumes are making me feel all groovy inside now that authority figures are doing it it doesn't seem so rebellious let's smoke crack instead no my power is diminishing oh i'm the pusher the pusher let's see who this pusher really is larry hardcore but why i opened for the california raisins on their 89 tour but these days the only dance and fruits kids want to see are the backstreet boys the point is the raisin council needed a new marketing campaign to attract teens do you mean to say smoking raisins doesn't really get you high that's right those psychedelic adventures were all in your heads all in your heads hi everybody who wants vegemite i may be blind but don't worry about this dog i built this house like noah built his ark ready for flood yep this house is flooded it's gone toots god what a terrible flu hollow when you see land jody hollow when you see land joan are you okay we heard about your house burning down it's okay abe i don't need your pity is it true you're living under the gym bleachers and i really don't need your pity so where do we put the canned goods because i brought you some beef broth it's still good just dented i'm a vegetarian and here's a musty old hypercolor shirt i found in our dust drag drawer i know it's out of style but you poor people don't care about that sort of thing right ah can you good i will girls girls please you know how i feel about conflict i'm against it now i love you both one in a completely platonic way the other with a fiery passion that most people know but once in a lifetime by the way that one's not you joan it's cleo welp i'm glad we had this talk now let's never speak of this again okay guys with the non-perishable foods keep in mind that you can totally take the wrapper off cat food and they'll think it's tuna joan your friends sure are generous wait cleo is not my friend that hoe bag is just pretending to care to make me feel even worse about being homeless well you don't have to worry about that anymore joni could i found us a big old house to live in really now as you know i've been calling a fine looking lady friend for a while now and she's generously offered to let us move into her home cleo's drunk foster mom come on out here girl cleo's mom she has a daughter about your age too now i don't really recall the girl's name something like clean glutes cletus clint cletus that's a clitoris no that's not it anyway i'm sure you two will get along storms metaphorically too it's so nice i don't have to drive all the way over here when i want to make sweet sweaty music with your cleo's drunk foster mom i got to speak in cold so the kids don't know what i'm talking about i like that there i never thought hell would be this pink you can put all your stuff in here if we're gonna share a room i just need you to sign this confidentiality agreement it prohibits you from discussing such things as my pre-makeup morning face and my mid-afternoon bowel movement hey hey how are my two favorite girls hey remind me now do you like cleo cause she's conceited or cause she's a [ __ ] [Music] yeah and abe remind me is joan your best friend because of some elaborate joke or is it sympathy that's rich but seriously maybe i can help resolve your conflict in an efficient yet ineffectual manner who's up for a trust game joan you fall backwards into cleo's arms and cleo you catch shown to show she can rely on you i'm so confident you two can work this out i'm not even gonna stay to watch the magic proceed joan you're a girl right do you know how to remove a bra i mean do you step into it like pants or pull it over like a shirt why don't you just take the tissues out and it'll fall off you signed the non-disclosure agreement i hope you have good lawyers because i'm gonna sue your hand-me-down pants off bleacher trash girls girls girls you're both human beings you both put your bras on one leg at a time in my conflict mediation seminar we learn to channel the cold pricklys that divide us into warm fuzzies that unite us by painting our emotions huh i'll get this marks and i know what i'm gonna paint a dividing line right down the middle of the room great that sort of thing works out on situation comedies all the time [Music] so how are the conflicts mediated hello dinger abe get down don't got crazy since we divided the room she's like a monkey in every way i sure didn't think you'd paint the line horizontally think yankee go home okay i'm hearing that cleo is saying she would be respectful of joan if she die dixie [ __ ] and joan brings a good point to the table that's enough joan in the north and cleo in the south hear me when i say a bedroom divided against itself can not stand [Music] that [Music] get it are you trying to smother me to death oh i'm sorry i didn't see you there you're so flat-chested enough fooling around choose your pillow cause it is on toledo the fighting in the skivvies [Music] hmm [Music] catch me a pie darling [Music] [Music] but it's so delicious [Music] everyone stop your pie war i have something to say please my eight-inch abe wants to talk to you he's in my pants come on everybody let's go out behind this building and i'll show them to you oh [Laughter] but in the end the storm came and it wiped away all that bad feelings and also the pie eventually the heavens got all there crying out and it was time to be happy again and like the north and south joan and cleo realized it was time to put an end to their overt hatred for each other and instead have an understood unspoken hatred and principle scudworth and mr b well they learned oops who are you talking to now i'm a blind man you telling me i've been talking to myself the whole time if that ain't the most embarrassing thing jeans and their litter there orange orange who orange are jealous of my new warm-ups that too pot said he loved him ah littering's not cool gandhi if littering's not cool then why does ponce do it geez you're lame out and i'm keeping your car seat oh man ponce everyone's littering because they look up to you you've got to stop what joan is that are going to kill me what the ow candy wrapper cut cranberry apple in my bloodstream [Music] um stand up i know you're not really dead stand up or i'll suck you one oh my god i just killed my dead friend you guys pick up your trash you guys pawns died from trash you guys and now you guys are littering that sucks you guys you guys suck is your refrigerator running yeah very funny gandhi bye whoa whoa don't i'm in lockdown on death row you gotta get me out gandhi what did you do a and b why did you open with a crank call oh that's cause i always joan you gotta bust me out before shower time i'm talking to some lawyers gandhi we're doing everything we can joan i haven't gotten a single high-five since i've been in here could you give me a few under the table everyone else is getting them gandhi i have some bad news it's about [Music] pots i've been acting such the fool joan i berated cleo for comforting jfk in his time of grief when we cast our love into the sea of human emotion sometimes what we catch is in fate's hands i never asked to be a fisherman in such a sea as this then you know what you must do i guess some people rely on litter for their jobs maybe littering is good in moderation in moderation [Music] well this blows oh my god snowflake day is almost here snowflake jake this holidays mascot will come to my house and bring me spices upon spices oh joyous day what do you have against snowflake day anyway it's not like all of those exclusive religious holidays like christmas hanukkah kwanzaa oh it's time for the ceremonial lighting of the snowman [Music] jolly snowflake day joan would you like a bite of my lamb taco it's just not snowflake day without a lamb taco cripes why is everyone so crypt darn cheerful well you better be cheerful at my annual snowflake day party because those crackers won't hand out themselves i can't wait neither can i joan we're all going to exchange snowflake care satchels speaking of which abe i can't wait for my big expensive snowflake day gift oh don't worry cleo i'll get you the best gift ever a clamp to keep her legs closed no even better than that why do i take this job every year [Laughter] now no empty me chum bucket it's starting to smell like a day old hooker i hate you you nasty crap-eating monkey i'll tell you what spicy i hate this stupid holiday don't say that joan and i could have used that jump sorry i didn't realize how do you know my name i don't know your name i call everyone joan it's like saying dude or bro or in your case joan of arc but that's not important right now what is important is that you continue to spread the snowflake day spirit snowflake day sucks all those kids are so greedy i'll give you some spices i'm fat i want some parsley lucky kids with their spices i have to eat the salt they sprinkle on the roads when the ice freezes who cares about spices and seasonings and traditional snowflake meats snowflake day is just another made up holiday courtesy of the greeting card industry just like valentine's day and easter i can take her out right now you know for many this season is about giving so um can i have 50 cents so i can eat today ah see even you a homeless person greedy and selfish well if it spices everybody wants i'll pepper their precious snowflake day with a little slice of sabotage pie joan of arc style hey are you anymore me no this mic doesn't even work so you're just an incredibly hot homeless person you'd be surprised at how many ab machines you find in dumpsters plus i have a trainer ugh i can't believe you guys watched that snowflake day crap now i may be blind but i can still see you losing your snowflake day spirit girl you know snowflake jake might not shoot a spikes cannonball at our party if you continue to act so ill-mannered who cares i'm not going to the stupid party anyway but my presence will be felt oh oh yes so yes my presence will be felt but you have to come to my party you're serving the crackers where else am i gonna get a cracker girl at this late hour joni are you putting itching powder into the eye patches i may be blind but i can still tell when somebody's trying to sabotage snowflake day i hate snowflake day congratulations joan you just got yourself a one-way ticket to snowflake jake's ill-mannered list your behavior is um oh remember when you were a kid and used to do your traditional cabbage patching cabbage patch with us johnny come on no i hate this family i'm running away and never coming back that's the spirit yoni you sure can cabbage patch that's right wow she's lost her snowflake day spirit sure is shooting she's lost it wow hello john oh it's you that sexy dumpster teen i know you're running away from home after sabotaging cleo's party it's just that i hate her and she's dating the boy i love and i have to live with her because me and cute's house burn down and i hate her wait how did you know that i can see it in your heart joan your family misses you they're worried about you come back home girl i knew you'd come back that's a good journey it's all right i'm just happy now follow me i'll show you something about snowflake day and yourself i don't know toots told me i shouldn't let homeless people show me things come with me and i'll forever change your life forever you sure you're not me anymore no seriously because you really get off my back okay leave me alone i already said no are you stupid or something [Music] you took me to this dump to show me the snowflake day spirit this is no dump it's your old house the one that burnt down welcome home joan welcome home wow i didn't know poor people could have fun they have the snowflake day spirit joan these people don't need spices or silks or a balanced diet to have the joy of the season they just need each other so you find the snowflake gay spirit when you hang out with the homeless yes and no more like you find it when you hang out with your friends be they homeless or homed my goodness it's true i've abandoned my family and friends i've slashed their tires and urinated in their punch i realize now i've lost the snowflake day spirit sure as shoot and i've lost it i'm back family and friends johnny i thought you were dead i shot you for biting me so much oh toots everyone i've got something really important to say don't drink the punch these derelicts taught me something today snowflake day is not about greediness or ruining parties it's about being with friends and family and realizing what you've got so that's why she's amazing maybe she had a good day disappeared so she wasn't mandy moore she was an angel an angel all along well jolly snowflake day angel jolly snowflake day everyone [Music] i think people are going a little overboard on these prom invitations [Music] [Music] uh no i knew you were going to say that ugh if you're gonna ask a girl to prom try to avoid the usual cliches like your helicopter or your talking fetal horse whatever i don't need some guy in rented pants taking me to a dance dance joan you know the expression prom is the single most important event in your life no well now you do you want to be president well you better go to prom because all of them did plus prom is the night where everyone steps up a base sex-wise uh listen abe i really don't want to go to prom why are you wasting time on that eyesore joan shouldn't you be planning on how you're asking me to the prom which since i'm cleopatra will be the most original and elaborate promposal this school has ever seen yeah yeah i'll get to it cleo oh joan you poor spinster i'll make sure you get to prom one way or another abe you you mentioned an important prom decision that you made about me that's right joan i did joan joan would you make me the happiest guy on earth and accompany me to the mirror so i can give you a makeover so some other guy will go to prom with you oh abe make what now don't thank me yet we got a lot of work to do a lot of work uh in what universe would i ever let you give me a makeover in the universe where i care about you joan god knows i should be busy planning a fancy way to invite cleo to prom but i can't get you out of my mind i'm in your mind we'll have to spend a lot of time alone together alone together are you thinking what i'm thinking eve i've been waiting for this moment in my whole life [Music] joan are you ready to be blown away joan wait you forgot your sexy vampire teeth joan joan go away abe i used to feel good about myself and then i met you but joan you're so close i can almost see the beauty that is locked away inside of you hidden far far below the surface where no one can see it i don't want to be beautiful abe i just want you to get you a prom date i'm two to three steps ahead of you joan that's why i had these flyers made up [Music] now i may be blind but i still recognize the sound of my foster granddaughter's laughter you hear a good pope joke today in school honey no toots i'd kind of like to be alone was it the one where two popes they walk into a bar right and pius xxi says he says it's abe i really like him and i wanted him to like me so i let him give me a makeover and look at me look at me i can't look at you dhoni i'm a blind man but i can do something better are you thinking what i'm thinking what oh please god [Music] for you and me oh you don't need to thank me johnny your joyful sobs of gratitude are thanks enough well i'm late for a tennis match [Music] great it's crying just leave me alone just leave my boyfriend alone can you pass me my blush your what the blush it's makeup you know like what your mom throws at you when the vodka runs out i never had a mom okay joan i didn't know i didn't know you didn't have a mom oh for a second there i felt bad for you even though everything's going great for me is that crazy no it's sympathy you know i may regret this but i have some old lipstick i need to get rid of you'd be doing me a favor if i could get rid of it on your face are you thinking what i'm thinking [Music] cleo i haven't gotten around to your promposal yet but i found something that i'm pretty sure you'll be just as excited about it's emmett from under the overpass he's agreed to take joan to the prom in exchange for some rubbing alcohol the government's putting fluoride in the tap water oh i think joan's gonna get someone even better than emmett abe i just finished giving her a makeover she's about to make her dramatic entry coming down the stairs [Music] i present to you the new and improved new jonah mark oh my god [Music] joan you look like a [ __ ] teenage beach [ __ ] yeah i know you guys i don't need to pretend to be someone else you guys you look like an angel do you like it like it this changes everything joan would you please come pile a list of guys you'd like to go to prom with i mean now i could get you a date with any guy in school maybe even aid i'm cleopatra so quit your stammering and start your plannering proposal-wise yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but you gotta admit joan looks clear-toucher flamingos it's flamingo elephant flamingo elephant not flamingo flamingo elephant flamingo god dolphins start your propellers come on amateurs okay abe i'm ready for your proposal all right cleo here goes cleopatra smith will you go to the prom with me yes i joan would love to go to prom with you [Music] it was all a dream but what does it mean all right i know this isn't a fancy or elaborate proposal but you've always been the one for me you're my friend and so much more so i'm gonna ask you to the prom by saying the words will you go to the prom with me followed by your name ready okay will you go to the prom with me [Music] will you go to the prom with me excuse me got a tickle will you go to the prom with me joe king aside will you be my prom date [Music] clio my kennedy sense is tingling here's how it is in as much as i'm very popular and you're very good-looking oh i'm gonna ask you to the prom now and you will obviously say yes no okay i'm just a shy lad and i don't know how to ask this but will you go to the prom with me i'm waiting for someone special to ask me someone more like hey joan joan i have a very special prom question to ask you uh yeah yes i asked cleo to the prom and she said yes i i just how is that a question well clea wants to have s-e-x on prom night but i'm really nervous and i need some information so i can make an informed decision do girls parts need some sort of oil or equipment like cotton balls or wooden dowels why do guys always go for giggly vapid [ __ ] hawk i just heard a word that starts with an s ends with an s and has a lut inside a lot of me jfk you are so funny i am so glad we're going to prom together but you said no oh as a giggly vaping [ __ ] i i get so confused you and jfk huh that's cool i'm so psyched for you guys well i'm off to buy some condoms what do you think toots now i may be blind but i can still feel when my foster granddaughter is ready for the prom [Music] tony whoa little bit of acne there girl hey joan you look beautiful hey baby oh hi kennedy barnacle sarge cause i got a delicate flower for you in my pants oh jfk you are so funny now let's get you all together for a little picture stay away from abe of ark or you'll pay hey what okay i hadn't thought that far well there's a double feature playing down at the silent movie theater where my keys at brother lost his keys i'll see you prom yeah see you at prom have fun at the prom joni [Music] hi uh who are they oh well they're my other dates catherine the great and uh the bronte sisters what the f oh jfk you're so funny i'm definitely not nervous about sleeping with joan cleo who what check this out hey how's your night oh hey you're so funny i guess that was pretty funny asking about your night joan you seem so much more approachable lately and it's made me want to tell you something a very special something that you've probably been wanting to hear for some time now really abe something you no doubt pine for so deeply that my hinting at what it is only increases your anticipation and nearly guarantees your imminent joy oh boy here it comes joan yes your date jfk he's a lucky guy tonight you know what abe i am tired of you you've what huh um i don't i don't know what to say don't say anything joan just tell me something do you ever wonder abe it's sex o'clock it may have sounded like i said the number six but instead i substituted it with the more suggestive word sex okay let's ride cotton balls oh abe you're so funny best night of my life what did you just say i don't happen to recall you called me joan no i didn't joan i'm pretty sure you did joan don't be crazy i just meant that i was jonesing for you joan say my name say what now say it sure no problem [Music] jack [Music] what the hell are you doing do you seriously think i'm gonna go through with this now what could this mean you're in love with joan abe you're in love with joan maybe my mouth is broken you're in love with joan [Music] shouldn't you be with your other dates actually uh catherine the great is a heaven boil into the hot dog vat and all you gave the bronte sisters to the three stooges you know i used you kennedy i used you to try to make abe jealous ah i'm such a girl exactly you're a real knockout betty jones and a better betty when you're not faking being a [ __ ] [ __ ] you mean you like me when i'm just me ring-a-ding-ding that chowderhead lincoln just can't see it without some bozo makeover i tell you that guy's head is so full of chowder he should have a bread bowl for a beard i think i might be in love with joan do you think there's a chance she returns my feelings if i want you you want me to what makes me so mad i could kiss you what was that last part i love you shh i want you i just want you ape abe abe baby what i see wait cleo's in there now lonely sexually unsatisfied and totally naked except with joan heads covering her junk that is the case go away gandhi joan joan abe guys guys oh yeah didn't see it coming either then by it i mean me [Music] everybody free [Music] but joan i love you nothing bad ever happens to the kennedys

Channel: BWTrickster

Views: 915,597

Rating: 4.9479728 out of 5

Keywords: Clone high, Season 1, Gandhi, Compilation, JFK, Joan of Arc, John F Kennedy, Cleopatra, Scudworth, mtv, kekma ga, Joan

Id: yqVwMB-DYZ4

Length: 89min 27sec (5367 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 07 2020