Chris DiStefano Impregnates His Wife on the 1st Date | Howie Mandel Does Stuff

uh we actually met at um in 2014 uh at a at a bar called place to beach deep in coney island brooklyn like real like not gentrified new york like real new york like she's puerto rican i was italian it was like west side story stuff and we met and um they were singing they were singing dude it was a full musical and and and we met and then we went out on a date uh a couple of weeks later and what was your line to her did she know you did she was she recognized you from tv no no no no um and and i said to her that um i walked up to her and because she's latina and she was dancing and i was like i'm a salsa instructor and she was like do a move and i was like i have a i have a kidney issue and she said you have a kidney issue and i fired yeah and she started laughing and she was like you're an idiot and i was like see and see which is uh spanish yes yes in spanish yes and then she told and then and then and then it's you know i whatever struck out and then before i left i was like i just really like i'd love to like take you out on a date and she was like um she was like uh yeah no i'm with somebody and i was like okay great so i just like you know left and i was like ruined girl my dreams gone what can you do and then she sent me a message like a week later because we had taken pictures we were taking pictures in there and hashtagging place to beach that was the name of the bar so she looked up the hashtag placed the beach it was just on it because her friend owned it and saw me and was like oh whatever i guess things didn't work out with that other guy and she messaged me and then we went out on a date a week later uh and on the second date we had sex i had fun and i splooched because she had the lemons and the papercuts and she wasn't wearing a poncho and she got pregnant immediately with my daughter delilah second date oh wait the second date that we ever had in our so my daughter when she was born it was an accident yeah a hundred percent yeah accidentally oh it's spanish [Music] that's not your billboard on the back of every bus in town is it what was it in l.a it says accidente on the back of every bus you have to i don't know if it's a new york thing i don't know if they have it in any other city but if you drive around here you look next time you see a public transit bus there's always i had no idea it was about you [ __ ] your wife on the second date yes that's and you advertised it yes so wait she got pregnant how did you find out that she got pregnant so actually she told we we then you know had sex and we were having fun or whatever and then we didn't you know just no condom it was all casual no well i had it on for the for like two or three pumps and i was like i can't do this and then i took it off and she was okay with that it was okay with that we were drinking you know it was passionate she were having sex she was like papi i was like okay no but weren't you gonna but why didn't you pull out um that's a good question what that's a good question oh no why didn't you what yeah look what happened i'm sitting beside it because i wanted to do a podcast i said to my wife i want to do a podcast in 37 years and i don't want to do it alone oh my god there you go and there's jackie you know you know what i feel terrible i know i'm sorry even uh caroline and everybody back there is just like cringing yes well it's funny because i went into this podcast saying my mother's such a huge howie mandel fan and i was like let's call her you want to call her yeah wait i want to know what you were saying okay so but i i okay um so i said um i said uh you know to her you know we kind of were talking not talking like just casual whatever we were both single and um your mother and you my mother my mother is single fyi um i'm confused now who are we talking about do you like women with gerd gastroesophageal reflux disease oh my god is that i i figure oh my god we have it baby we have gerd a measure paul i think i just splooged a little there you go hear that mom um so she's gonna kill me for this well so is my daughter killing me for sitting beside me through this what can you do so so so she so uh you know we're we're like kind of both single she had a child she had a three-year-old son um from the date of the guy that when she was dancing exactly yeah then another guy three years ago yeah and did that and then so we it was september 11th okay september 11 2014. oh yes yeah yeah yeah what do i do december 11th 2014 and i was in tampa at uh side splitters comedy club shout out science splitters and um and and you just had more shout outs shout out go ahead yeah shout out side splitters and uh where the owner the previous owner of the club was she was i remember i got a text from from jasmine while the owner of the club was telling me about how the night before you had punched a woman in the face and wanted to show me on the uh on the security footage i was like i'll pass thank you i was like yeah i just knocked her out who's jasmine huh who's jasmine jasmine is my is my uh girlfriend we're actually not married my girlfriend the mother of your children of my children yeah mom spanish yes okay i love that because this uh this is not a closed caption podcast but it doesn't have to be well with you here it is yeah but the point is so jasmine who got punched in the face uh some woman in the parking lot of side splitters in tampa but the owner of the comedy club was telling me that he punched a woman the night before and was proud of it and you said well i [ __ ] a woman a week before oh yeah i'm proud of it what did you do any video of that wait i'm so confused so story started with you telling us how you found out that she was pregnant yeah i think this is the story telling us about how excited your mom was that you're coming on and now we're talking about someone getting punched in the face que paso yeah spanish yeah yeah i i well i because that my podcast is called christy chaos where we go all over the place so let me try to just get in there so like i did where are we going in july where we're going shut up so he can just dad shut up whoa oh my god let him finish so sorry is this one i should just be happy i didn't pull out so we so she you know she she she texts me and she goes um jasmine she goes i'm i'm gonna come to tampa uh tonight i it was you know she was like i'm going to come to tampa tomorrow i meant and i was like oh awesome like you know come like have fun i could buy the beach we'll hang out i felt like it was just going to be like fun you know hook up whatever blah blah blah blah i was like this is great we'll have fun you know great and then she comes gets to tampa and she's doing shots just she had shots i come off the stage and she's like let's have shots lined up i was like well this girl's ready to party fine fun whatever both single have fun so we go she's like drinking and talking and we go back to the room and she's like uh she said i'm so [ __ ] drunk right now i was like good good for you i was like let's get it on and she was like that's that's this i like the way you do it the way you say it yeah women must just oh they loved it yeah let's get it yeah i had my nipples were fine i don't think i've ever heard besides barry white you're the second person yeah i've ever heard say that yeah right that's right yeah oh it was marvin gaye it was marvin gaye who's who's saying let's get it on marvin gaye marvin gaye marvin gaye and now you chris chrissy gay that's who i am or gay chrissy is what they call me in the neighborhood you're gay chrissy g-a-y-e though because i'm a marvin gaye fan i'm kidding so okay yeah i'm chrissy accidentae so so so she tells me she goes to the bathroom and i thought i thought she was going to come out butt ass naked right right but instead she comes out fully clothed with a pregnancy test that's positive and she's like this is why i'm here uh she was like you know i have a son already i'm just here to i just wanted to tell you that obviously i'm pregnant um but you know i can't possibly do this with you so i just want you to help me take care of this and be there for me and that's all i want that's why i'm here and you know i don't think we should speak anymore after this and um but she didn't want to keep the baby no not at that point she was like no i could tell the way she drank before she was like i don't wanna you know she was like let's go jet skiing let's just forget about this i'm pregnant let's go jets let's go jet ski and drink let's do heroin whatever and i was like okay uh and then i was like so you don't wanna do this and she was like do you wanna do this you barely even know me and i have another child and you're a comedian and and i was like um and it was like this moment that i had where i was like i don't know i i was 30 years old at the time i had a okay career i had my education you know was raised catholic sorry and were you apologizing to jews so he looked at if you're not if you're just listening he looked at my me the big bald jew and my jewish daughter and when i'm catholic i apologize all right well cause i you know i have catholics but shouldn't we be apologizing apparently we killed jesus you did kill our guy sorry but what can you do i don't know but he was jewish he was jewish yeah okay but you know yeah well we'll see i i don't know i don't know if he's married to a catholic guy oh wow there you go how do you like it it's fine it's good yeah right so we're really not that fun um so she so she's i had this moment and she said i say to her i was like i know this is crazy i know we don't know each other i know i'm responsible for my action we're both responsible for our actions obviously i'm completely okay your body your choice whatever you want to do i'll pay for it i'll support you i'll be there in any way you need me i've never been in this situation before so just tell me what to do and i will do that if that's what you want but i will say that i will also gladly be the father of this baby and i promise you that i will you know like we don't know each other so i was like i don't know how if we're gonna last i don't know but i promise you that i will be the father of this baby and it will be my whole life i promise you and i guess you could just feel that i was being i meant that i can feel it yeah well put a poncho on so so she said if i i i can then i'll keep it if that's what you mean then i'll keep it and you went fine and then you know what it's the best decision i ever made because we had our we have our baby and now we have another we have our our older daughter and we have a baby daughter i have my stepson i have a whole life a whole puerto rican life [Music]

Channel: Howie Mandel Does Stuff Clips

Views: 66,572

Keywords: Howie Mandel, Howie Mandel Does Stuff, Howie Mandel Does Stuff Podcast, Howie Mandel clips, Howie Mandel Does Stuff clips, Howie Mandel Podcast, Jackelyn Shultz, chris distefano, chris distefano wife, chris distefano family, speshy weshy, chris distefano standup

Id: QTwcHs5Rqao

Length: 10min 42sec (642 seconds)

Published: Sat May 28 2022