Best of Chandler Jokes | Friends

come on what is this oh um that was my bathing suit from high school i was a little bigger then oh i thought that's what they used to cover connecticut when it rained hey anybody know a good taylor you need some clothes altered no no i'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk don't you go see frankie my family's been going to him forever he did my first suit when i was 15. no wait 16. no excuse me 15. all right when was 1990. okay you have to stop the q-tip when there's resistance [Applause] condoms and you don't know how long we're gonna be in here we may have to repopulate the earth and condoms are the way to do that we'll flip for it ducks or clowns oh we're gonna flip for the baby you got a better idea all right call it in here heads heads of this yes we have to assign heads to something right okay okay uh dox's heads because ducks have heads kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday hold on there's something different i went to that tanning place your wife suggested was that place the sun hey how cool would it be if he could watch like a real life-size version of this huh i mean how crazy would that be as crazy as soccer some girl ate monica now shut up the camera adds 10 pounds huh so how many cameras are actually on [Applause] oh sorry did i get you no you didn't get me it's an electric drill you get me you kill me hi hi what's wrong buddy someone at work ate my sandwich well what did the police say sup sup dude take whatever you want just please don't hurt me so like playing a little playstation huh that's whack playstation is whack what's up with the whack playstation sup huh come on am i 19 or what yes on a scale from one to ten ten being the dumbest a person can look you are definitely 19. come on man really how old young you're a man-child okay now go get changed because everybody's ready and please oh please keep my underwear oh thanks [Music] why is your family scottish why is your family ross what happened oh man he promised he wouldn't take the chairs what the hell happened how are you locked in or where the hell's all of our stuff well this guy came by to look at the unit and he said he didn't think it was big enough to fit a grown man see you got involuntarily i was trying to make a sale oh man if i ever run into that guy again you know what i'm gonna do bend over do you like some gum oh is it sugarless sorry it's not oh then no thanks what the hell was that mental note if jill goodacre offers you gum you take it if she offers you mangled animal carcass you take it i mean just just now just now there was some woman at the coffee house smiled at me and then uh the other day on the subway a woman accidentally sat on my hand dude don't rub my face in your crazy single life well and then how about this uh there's an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the uh interdepartmental potluck dinner why did i get married and it's a book oh it's dr seuss that book got me through some tough times there is a little child inside this man yes the doctors say if they remove it he'll die okay but no accountants oh and no one from like legal i don't like guys with boring jobs oh and ross was like what a lion tamer oh my god what happened oh um joey was born and then 28 years later i was robbed oh you're the day you know this is actually good because if we ever lose ross we have a spare but i don't want to be single okay i just i just i just want to be married again and i just want a million dollars how's the moving on going not well i went on the subway again and someone did sit on my hand but that person was neither female nor wearing pants well maybe you're going about this the wrong way you know i mean think about it single white male divorced three times two illegitimate children the personal ad writes itself yeah that's funny yeah do so do you think you'll ever work again what are you doing you know i can only dish it out i can't believe rachel just moved on and didn't say anything to me look maybe she didn't move on you know i mean maybe that kiss was just an impulsive one-time birthday thing oh about a month ago she gave her number to some guy in a bar didn't she go out with him no when he called i threw the message away ah the high road all right you know what enough enough talking i i have to get moving hey check out those two blondes over there hey come with me are you trying to get everybody divorced come on you don't have to do anything it'll just be easier if it's the two of us like college remember first you uh break the ice with some kind of a joke so they know you're the funny one then i swoop in with some interesting conversation so they'll see that i'm the brilliant brooding sexy one i thought i got to make the jokes [Music] you

Channel: Friends

Views: 2,730,020

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Id: T9RRe4ZsSGw

Length: 8min 14sec (494 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 11 2022