CCF GLC 2 Book 8 - Session 2 Roles of Husband and Wife (Family Life)

roles in the family roles are the proper roles are for the functioning of the family now this is so crucial Ross do not imply notice the word superiority inferiority or inequality men and women are equal the Bible tells us Galatians 3:26 there is neither Jew nor Greek there is neither slave nor free men there is neither male nor female you are all one in Christ Jesus so we have different roles in an office you have different roles just because you are in the system just because you're a vice president does not mean the president is more important understand doesn't mean his superior does not mean he is more valuable everybody's equal in the eyes of God let me repeat rows are for the proper functioning of the family you agree rules do not imply superiority next rules are determined by God not by society or ability I remember a couple the husband says my wife is better in management better in making money so she's the head of the family that's wrong roles are necessary for effectiveness in accomplishing God's purpose roles are needed for harmony roles are needed for modeling this is God's design the complex's purpose for harmony for modeling you will see it as we go along why that is so crucial when a husband and a wife do not fulfill their god-given roles there is long-term negative impact on the family in the Philippines can you tell me are we made fertile or are we paid traffic our metrical I think so and all the ladies notice ladies who's the head of the home you the husband but you are the neck that turns the head so you be careful conflict is harmony chaos in the family gender confusion this is a big one if you don't do the roles properly you have gender confusion bad examples God is not glorified I'm gonna talk to you now men men you have two important roles are you ready to listen gentlemen all right number one you are to be the leader say that with me leader so gentlemen read the verse men ready go so according to this verse who is deciding who is head who is not help who God and what is God's instruction for men you are the head leader what does leadership mean it does not mean like this sorry it does not mean you lord it over it does not mean you are lazy understand so what is leadership gentlemen this will shop you read the following verses ray the husband is to be a servant leader what does it mean gentlemen with you but it is not so this way among you so according Jesus the leadership model is servant leadership what in the world does that mean you are a leader but you are a servant leader Harvard Business Review discovered the best kind of leaders are servant leaders Jesus knew these two thousand years ago many years ago the model of leadership is the military hierarchy positional most companies have that kind of leadership but Harvard School made research many people made research and they discovered the best CEO in the world the most effective CEOs are CEOs who are servant leaders now if they read the Bible they would have known this long time ago what does it mean it means you are responsible but you know you are there to serve others there is humility there is compassion when I explain that to you in the meantime gentlemen tell me which one are you from 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th absentee leader the father is present physically but emotionally absent or you are the passive type every time there's a problem you tell yourself as mommy crisis as mommy responsible servant leader or dictatorial I am the boss here mrs. who is about me dictatorial what about this one abusive you use physical force now let me ask you which one are you you can only give me one number ok this is number 1 2 3 4 5 choose one number so turn to the other man well I say come system of Korean so tell your neighbor what number are you whisper whisper tell your neighbor because I want to ask your neighbor to do something that's my research okay give give me the number you keep your number all right how many of you remember one to fight if your answer is below three that means you are either one or two that's your leadership style that's your neighbors lead recipe start can you raise your hand higher higher you are one or two all right how many of you are four and five your neighbors four and five raise your hand how many of you will never raise your hand no matter what I do here all right listen to me gentlemen you sit down now I'm going to ask the wives without consulting your husbands wives you raise your hands once how many of your husbands are below three one two or three raise your hand below three not three because three is an answer that I don't want to hear now because I don't believe anybody's really perfect here okay so raise your hands ladies your husband is more or less this raise your hand okay ladies your husband's are more or less this type raise your hands okay look just by the numbers majority is passive time now I want you to think of your families think of your own parents think of your father's are you not thinking of your own father's how many of you have fathers who are below three they are either one or two below three your father's raise your hands higher high wives raise your hands also if a father okay how many of you your fathers are more or less four in five raise your hand ah dynamo in this country majority of fathers are passable why I believe we don't have role models because the religious leaders of this country are not married you don't have any model and the models you have sad to say is from Hollywood and sometimes Hollywood makes fun of others all right husband read this together the husband is responsible that's the meaning of leader you are responsible meaning if something goes wrong with your family God will hold you responsible not the wife you are responsible I remember a man telling me I have a problem my wife does not listen to me I said the problem is not your wife the problem is you you are the leader if you cannot make your wife listens to you you are not the siping your wife so you are the problem look at the qualifications of Bishop he must be one who manages his own household well keeping his children under control you know why the next verse says if a man does not know how to take care of his family how can he take care of the Church of God just that verse so what does it mean to be a leader you you are a good example you must take the initiative gentlemen not passive you must plan ahead I am just wondering how many men will really analyze their family and then they say you know what I got to take initiative in this area I got to think ahead I said directions I need to prepare core values for my family I just wonder how many men are trained to do that and I submit to you most man's do not learn how to be a husband how to be a leader can I tell you why because there is no such course in the university understand have you attempted any subject in your school in university how to be a husband how to be a father have you it's from the Bible but in our religion in this country they don't really teach the Bible so I realize we are very blessed we have the Bible so gentlemen you are to be example you are to take initiative that's the meaning of leadership the husband is accountable to God accountable means if something goes wrong you're it then the husband is to understand the wife this is a big one when it comes to leadership not only are you to be accountable that means you have to understand your wife notice the word understand how is that use everybody or all the men only the men please read husbands in the same way live with your wives in AD now the word understanding does not mean and their Messiah in the Pocoyo and era but it's called understanding now what does it mean understanding this is the meaning everybody read as with this with someone weaker since she is a woman and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered noticed the way you treat your wife affects your prayer life it affects your spiritual life for that matter it affects your financial life is a fashion career it affects everything you cannot divorce the how you teach your family how you treat your children how you treat your wife with your personal life they are all interlinked therefore gentlemen what does it mean understanding notice it says treat her I say someone who is weaker the word weaker does not mean weak because wives are usually stronger when it comes to endurance it means is delicate I like this comparison China you know like a vase you know what how do you pronounce the word vas or vase okay thanks vas whatever how you pronounce it China porcelain that's called what delicate wicker what is a drum marilla's yeah Malaka Barilla style okay we are emotionally insensitive understand we can take a lot of emotional tension but wipes are different so you turn to your wife you tell your wife I will honor you gentlemen you got to understand so understand okay understanding so let me ask you have you ever discuss with your wife what are her fears what are her dreams how does she feel may I suggest you do that today honey baby I've been living with you for the longest time I don't even know what are your fears I don't even know what are your dreams you know why honey because I'm afraid to ask you some men are afraid to ask you know what ladies you will give them dreams that are impossible to fulfill so may I suggest I always tell people okay just tone down your dreams okay but share with him your fears your anxieties okay with you so tonight gentlemen you know what to do understanding the husband is to provide what do you provide you are expert in physical needs what about emotional what about spiritual needs okay the husband is to protect the wife you know when I work with my wife years ago in Valley God and just a lot of men my wife noticed my posture changes you know III wonders men - no don't whistle don't make fun of my wife because that's our protective instinct now ladies listen to me would you like men to protect you yes or no you know some husband there's a danger of me she's Madonna Tracy because men you don't know what it means to be a man to be a man six-time for the Bible saying you provide you protect and ladies I tell you if you have a man who will love you who will protect you ladies will you submit to him they will even die for us gentlemen so husbands you are to love your wife so your first job is to be what a leader your next job is to husband love say that love so gentlemen stand up men you are to be a lover say that with me love all right - responsibilities gentlemen number one leader now a leader needs followers so ladies please support him next you are to be the lover so turn to each other mental them lover boy lover boy lover boy okay lover boy okay you know why you are to be the best lover what does it mean to be a lover boy unum problema I will show you how read the Bible husband's ought to love their own wives as their own bodies he will love his own wife loves himself no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it as Christ does the church now let me ask you how did Christ loved the church the Bible says as Christ loved the church how did Christ loved the church he died he died for the church now ladies when you go home don't tell your husband you're supposed to die for me but that's the idea die are you willing to die for your wife I discovered I was not willing no seriously years ago we were walking there was a dog the dog at a parcel but a dog didn't attack me that dog jump on to my wife growing and you know what I just decided man I was also afraid I didn't know what to do and I realized at that moment I was not willing to die for my wife so I confess to my wife honey I really did not want to die for you gentlemen we are selfish so confess your wife tell your wife tonight I am willing to die for you can you say that now your wife will call you see Ginga double oven my issue was gonna be issue runs okay don't die but you got them you got the message right so gentlemen what does it mean to love gentlemen British this love is unconditional meaning you love your wife as is worries years ago my wife was loosing her hair before I married her she was losing her hair and somebody told me don't marry her other problems you know I imagine if my wife would lose all her hair would I still love her first my wife yeah you know what I told my wife I told myself I would love my wife even she loses her hair you know why I came by a week just joking but men are selfish okay so gentlemen we need to learn this so a love that is unconditional is what it's a commitment towards imperfect person to seek their highest good which oftentimes requires sacrifice gentlemen you are commanded to love somebody it's a commitment not feeling number two she's not perfect it's imperfect number three our highest good not your own good our love is selfish really if you can learn this lesson tonight you are a leader what kind of leader servant leader you're to love your wife and selfishly I am very serious you've got to love your wife and think of what's good for her not what's good for you that's how we are commanded to love and this one you need to learn you need to grow gentlemen you can sit down because I know you are dying to write down the notes so this lab is proactive not reactive where to be productive you take actions this love nourishes and cherishes the word Norris is meeting the needs of your wife that's the word for Norris the word cherries comes from the Greek word to cost to bloom so when I perform weddings I tell the men I told them man look at your wife now she's blooming she's glowing ten years from now the men here wait ten years from now when I look at your wife I want to see her even younger glowing smiling understand ladies if you are not happy you age faster do you know that if you are always smiling and happy you will never age do you know why the beauty will come out amen so you tell your wife now you tell your wife beside you tell your wife I will cherish you I will nourish you gentlemen you're like a gardener you put fertilizer water sunlight that's what you need to do now the greatest need of a wife is love the greatest fear of a wife after marriage is to be treated what as a sex object okay I mean that's the fear of women so God knows God says you know what once you marry her you make sure you love her because that's a greatest fear the greatest fear of any woman is to be taken for granted and to be treated as a sex object only so I tell them in do you hug your wife every day do you kiss her every day you know why most women tell us my wife my husband would only kiss me when do you want sex you know gentlemen the wife knows your move I'm gonna move one move to move number three kilos thinking yet delicate again so they don't get excited however I always tell people if you want to have sex on Friday night you'll be a lover boy starting Monday be nice Monday be nice to stay be nice when estate business Thursday and Friday ladies okay bear but men are different men don't understand this so the idea is this don't take her for granted so these are the needs of the wives gentlemen you may not know this number one your wife wants affection lab but affection she wants affirmation you have to use words to affirm her and gentlemen your wife wants attention time and then she wants you to lead the spiritual leadership financial leadership she wants security you have to grant her security she wants family commitment some mentor and Dobby Dominion well that's what the wife wants so gentlemen are you listening to me if we have time we can discuss it's one affection affirmation attention leadership security family if your wife does not experience this your love is not sufficient you know why she doesn't feel it now I'm gonna ask my wife to share with all of you the role of the wives okay ladies it's our turn do you want to know the rest of the dog story okay so he was standing there and so the dog was growling going from my neck so I grabbed the dog to protect myself and the dog bit my arm and so my we told the driver I'm my neighbor to watch the dog I was flying to the States and then my husband said watch the dog and so maybe Oh two weeks later a week later he checked with the driver how's the dog and the driver said okay my husband said where's the dog and the driver said well actually we ate it so so I ended up getting rabies shots but you know I love my husband unconditionally so praise God anyway he repented no he's wonderful that was just a story that taught him a great lesson in fact he told the dot the driver if you don't tell me the truth you're in deep trouble so that's why he told the truth he became very protective so now ladies what is our role our role as a wife is to be a helpmate to our husband let's read this first then the Lord God said it is not good read with me for a man to be alone I will make him a helper suitable for him now when you hear the word helper how's your reaction positive or negative positive negative many people think of helper in a negative mindset but actually it's not an inferior role in fact God himself calls himself our helper he said the Holy Spirit whom I will send to you will be your helper God is there to assist us it's a noble role and it's not in theory because remember Peter said from the Bible there's no more Jew or Greek male or female slave or free man but we are all equal in Christ so it's we're equal but it's a functional role for the proper running of the family in a company how many presidents do you have you only have one if you have two you have a lot of trouble and in a family you cannot have two leaders so for the smooth running of the family God has given us the role of helper now interesting the man said God says I will make a helper suitable for him the word suitable means comparable means a compliment so hold up your hand ladies to hold your right hand what do you notice about your hand look at it do you notice you have five fingers you also have five spaces so if this is your husband not suitable for a man to be alone hold up your other hand okay you also have five fingers and spaces so if the fingers are the strings and the spaces would be what's lacking when you put them together what happens you fill in the spaces of each other and you become a team to accomplish God's purposes so have you heard the saying opposites attract is it true about you and your husband are you opposites ok it's true opposites attract after marriage they attack that true also okay so can I tell you this unite don't fight turn to your spouse and say unite don't fight celebrate your differences because you're different by design embrace it and God has a purpose for you as a husband-and-wife team to serve Him okay you can sit down ladies so how paid an excellent wife who can find proverbs 31:10 to $0.12 for her worth is far above jewels the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain she does him good and not evil all the days of her life so we should strive to be that excellent wife and we're of great value God says and what is our job description from God what's our job description she does him good and not evil all the days of her life so how many days of your life are you supposed to do your husband good so on a scale of one to ten how are you doing ask your husband okay that should be our mindset ladies that we are to do our husband good that is our accountability to God because God has given us this honorable role of being our husband's help me so what does it mean to be a helpmate well it means that we are going to help assist aids support and I would add encourage our husband no one in this world really cares about your husband as you should he goes to the office and what did they want they wanted to perform they want him to do a good job so there's a lot of pressure when he comes home he should feel like he is the most important person in the world to you and your family that's why we need to prioritize him and to encourage him ladies can I say we should be his cheerleader leader cheerleaders say that cheerleader we should be there to cheer him on to compliment him encourage him and that of course the to our husband good all the days of our life and to be the home manager under his authority so what does this mean your husband is over you even if you're the home manager see we women when something's given to us to manage we think it's my responsibility don't butt in is that right okay but actually he is always our authority so he has the right at any point in time to tell you what you should be doing in the home and you should appreciate it we had a helper and it was taking care of this hundreds of birds that Peter had in her house and he said one day Diana get rid of her I don't there's something wrong with her and I said but you had gotten her for your birds and if I get rid of her what's gonna happen and so I didn't get rid of her because I thought I'm managing the house and so he should just trust me but you know what happened he has men have this are our leaders and we need to listen to them to follow them what happened was this helper had an affair with our Christian driver had I listened to him and even though I'm managing the home come under his authority that would not have happened so ladies we are under the authority of our husband even as a home manager and the older women are to encourage the younger women to love their husbands to love their children to be sensible pure workers at home kind being subject to their own husbands so that the Word of God will not be dishonored so what is God's priority here for us as wives what are the priorities can you see whose first husband then who's next children and then to manage the home so these are God's priorities of course first priority put up your hands put up your hands again first priority should be God second priority should be spouse husband third priority should be children and then of course managing the home and the other things God has for you to do but ladies let me ask you after you get married and have children who becomes your priority your children why we think he can take care of himself he's a big man we need to take care of the children have you had those thoughts well one day I was preparing a talk a message and my husband came in to ask me to do something that I thought he can do for himself in fact I thought doesn't he see I'm doing something important here he's interrupting my schedule have you ever had those thoughts yes okay well you know God was quick to rebuke me in fact God told me dianna Peter is not an interruption to your schedule Peter is your priority schedule ladies your husband is your priority and your children need to see that because it will help them to also respect him and understand that he is their authority so Home Manager in today's society we women are taught that to be significant we need to be out working we need to be having a career to be achieving something for ourselves well well this is good this is a pressure that's being put onto us but what happens we are working outside taking care of somebody else's business our own business you come home to your priorities and how are you are you tired giving them leftover time they want you they're so excited mommy's home mommy mommy mommy and you're just so exhausted so I don't want to give you a guilt trip but I have to say this to you God's priority is your family and if you could pray and ask God could you give me a flexi schedule work where I can stay at home and take care of my family and what I did what we did I did we decided to homeschool our children so I really made them a priority and if any of you are interested we have a wonderful accredited homeschool program for the Philippines it changed the chemistry of our family it was an investment of my life which I am so thankful for I look back to those days and I praise God for that choice we were able to input character to our children we able to model loving God and teaching them God's Word so we really took this to heart now the Bible says that we are to teach all the women are to teach younger women to be subject to their own husbands so that the Word of God will not be Dishonored you see when we are submitting to our husbands then the Word of God is honored if we are not it's Dishonored so now this brings us to our second role what's our first role helpmate what's our second role submit okay stand up ladies history to stand up submit please stand up submit stand up okay Ephesians 5:22 to 24 let's read this together put some energy into it wives be subject to your own husband's as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church but as the church is subject to Christ so also the wives ought to be to their own husband's in everything so wives what is our role here submit what is submit mean subject - actually it's a military term it means as a legion would align themselves under the commander for the purpose of going to war then it means that we voluntarily come under the authority of our husband to accomplish God's purposes because the fact is we are in a spiritual battle Satan is attacking the family and Satan knows that divided we fall in united we stand so submission is a way of protecting our family from demonic attack okay ladies you can sit down so the it's as interesting let's analyze it in the same way you wives be subject to your own husband you must know your husband you must know what he wants you to do for him not every man is the same do not compare him to your father do not compare him to your brother or to your old boyfriend do not compare your husband to any man be subject to your own husband and how are we to submit to our husband according to this ask to the Lord it means with the same conscientiousness that you would submit you are to submit to your husband now it also means that you do it for Jesus and it also means that you do it by the power of Jesus and it also means that you do it to please Jesus and you trust yourself to Jesus when your husband makes decisions that you feel may not be the best so it's an act of faith ladies to submit is an act of faith and it's to the Lord now I'll tell you what happened we got married I had studied about submission gone to classes and I thought it would be no problem but not long into the marriage I remembered I was getting frustrated with submission and I told God one night I don't want to submit my husband was sleeping and I was so irritated beside him I got up and I went to talk to God and I said god I don't want to submit and you know God is very patient with us God spoke to me in my heart and he said Deanna you don't have to submit and I thought what that's I like that he said it's an act of your will you don't have to submit and so I said okay what do you mean and then God explained it to me in my mind he said you can have your own way but if you want my blessing you want your husband to cherish you and you want to accomplish my purposes for your life then you must submit to your husband and you know it really hit me because I realized that this choice would impact the future of our family and so that night I decided to submit to my husband you see before when he would ask me to do something I'm smiling on the outside but I'm really angry on the inside have you had that experience like you have a cup of coffee and you want to accidentally spill it on him yeah yes I had all those feelings but you know the next day after I prayed that night as on to the Lord the next day when he asked me to do something I did it with a smile in my heart because I was doing it for Jesus to accomplish his plans for our life and I praise God that I made that choice so ladies it's on to Jesus turn to your husband say I will submit to you as on to the Lord okay our to your friend I will submit to my husband as to the Lord if you're not married I will submit to my future husband as to the Lord we are to submit to her husband and some things are in everything everything we had this conversation one day Peter said to me so do you think your submissive wife and I said well yes I do Peter he said well yes and no and I said what do you mean he said you submit in what you like to submit but you conveniently forget to do what you don't want to do are we guilty yes we do what we want to do so that's not really submission submission is really doing what you don't want to do so that's what submission is ladies we're to submit in everything in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that if any of them are disobedient to the word they may be won without a word as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior so ladies the Bible says that we are not to nag our husbands do you know that are we naggers no oh really yes sometimes okay sometimes but can I tell you something when you're nagging your husband you are speaking so loud they cannot hear the voice of God you become a wedge between God and your husband little you become the Holy Spirit junior and you're trying to make your husband into your image and it doesn't work only God can change the heart so can I tell you a secret ladies stop nagging your husband and that God you can nag God because God says to pray about everything so you not God God there he does it again God speak to him because when you talk to God then God will talk to your husband but if you're talking to your husband so loud he won't hear the voice of God so the Bible says if your husband is disobedient to the word they will be one without a a word did you read that they will be one without a word as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior as a wife let me tell you a story a friend of mine called us one night she said I'm in the bathroom my husband's banging on the and he's telling me to stop going to the Bible study and if I keep on going to the Bible study he thinks I'm changing religion he's gonna kick me out of the house and so I said to her well I think it's a good idea to stay in the bathroom tonight you can stay there but tomorrow they'll talk to you so the next day she came and she talked to me in Peter and we told her do you know what you be the best wife you can be you be so submissive to your husband you'd be the best help made to him and let him see Jesus through your behavior so one year later we were in a Bible not a Bible study in a wedding and I was a sponsor with her husband and beside him beside me was a lady and this lady leaned across me and she said to the husband hey I heard you been attending Bible study and then he said he turned and leaned across me and said well yes I am attending Bible study he said you know why when my wife started attending Bible study and she came to really know Jesus her life changed so much in a positive way and I became the recipient of those changes so why would I not go to Bible study you see ladies there's so much power in submission when you allow the Holy Spirit to live his life through you for your husbands to see Jesus it becomes a conviction today that man is walking with God and they're serving got together so what they need to see is our chaste and respectful behavior and ladies we put a lot of focus on the external he says but don't merely focus on the external but let it be the hidden person of your heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in God's sight how do you have a gentle and quiet spirit it's when you're trusting in God so how do you do this what if you don't agree with your husband what he's planning to do can I tell you what you do if your husband says something that you pray and you ask God how you can say it in a respectful manner you can say honey I'm not so sure that's the best idea what do you think about this idea then you share your idea and then if your husband still says no I want to do it this way then you ask this question have you prayed about it and then if they say not yet say what could you pray about it but you know of course I will follow what you say and you know when they pray about it it now makes it not who's gonna win if he's too gonna win or I'm gonna win we want God to win you see Peter and I it's not his will or my will we want God's will so when you do it that way then leave it in God's hands what if he still says no we'll do it this way then what you have to do ladies is just submit us on to the Lord and trust Jesus to cause it for good maybe it's a lesson he would learn and if you prove to be right and he was wrong in his decision you should never say this what should you never say I told you so that's like rubbing it in never say that you say you know honey I know you want to follow God and I'm sure that through this you've learned the next time you'll be even more sensitive to his leading be positive because it's not gonna who's win it's gonna be that you want God to win so voluntarily we sit voluntary - your own husband asked to the Lord in everything with a gentle and quiet spirit one day Peter told me to do something that I really didn't want to do but he said no you have to call this person and cancel our appointment he left to go to work and I was so upset and I was in the bathroom and I saw this big container of baby powder and so I got the baby powder and I started throwing it in the bathroom and the top was open so BAM because I was so mad I was so upset that I had to do this and you know what he had forgotten something he came back into the bathroom and it was full of smoke and he said what happened and I said oh I'm so sorry I don't know what happened you know and God caught me God saw my bad attitude and he wants us to submit with a gentle and quiet spirit he didn't know but God knew and he caught me in the act so ladies submission is so important to God because it is a command you see submission is ultimately not between the wife and husband but between us and God and He commands us to submit and if we don't submit we are sinning does it make sense ladies so submission without respect is not submission at all so what's our first role help make what's our second role submit and now we're going to look at our third role which is respect so can you stand up again ladies please stand up I'm standing okay let's read this verse and as she read the verse think about how you're doing and let the wife see that she respects and reverence is her husband that she notices him regards him honors him prefers him venerates and esteems him and that she defers to him praises him and loves him exceedingly this is the amplified version of what it means to respect so again on a scale of 1 to 10 how are you doing ladies okay so God takes us very seriously because it is a command so respect is so important to a man you know why God has put it in him to be respected because as a leader he needs to be respected what is a leader need he needs someone to submit to him he needs someone to submit to him the basic fear of a husband is that after he is married his wife will not respect him now let me ask you this if a wife is not respecting her husband you know what happens to the man he becomes so vulnerable to any woman that's going to respect him so let me give you a picture so the husband comes home at night and he says I'm home and nobody's to be seen anywhere so it's now hide and seek he has to go find his wife and she's probably in the kitchen cooking so cooking adobo okay so we smell like garlic and we look like we've been through the washing machine and dryer you know our hair is a mess and so he tries to Haga say no don't do that I'm busy right now and so I said can you get me a cup of coffee get it for yourself can't you see I'm busy okay so the next morning he goes to the office and when he enters the office his secretary or assistant says well good morning sir she's dressed nicely she smells good and she's smiling and so he says to his secretary could you please get me a cup of coffee and he says and the secretary goes of course sir anything else sir okay ladies this is a problem listen to me when your husband comes home at night you should be ready for him you should be showered and ready to meet him you know one hour when Peter would come home at night all of us would run to the door when we hear the beep beep of the horn all of us kids would run to the door and my friend and her family did that too and even the dog was at the door and the helpers and so when he came home they would say hi we're so happy you're home and that made him feel like such a priority and our kids to remember that he needs to know that he is priority and he is respected so ladies tomorrow you will put on your perfume right and you'll be smiling ok sit down and if your husband says get you something say sure what else can I do for you and how can I tell you something in the morning when your husband's about to leave say what can I pray for you and you can ask him what can I do for you today and then really do it because that shows him that he's priority he's respected now I had to grow in this and I'm still not very good at it all the time but you know we first got married Peter would tell me to do something and I would say sure and he'd come home in the evening say well did you do it and I say oh I forgot and then he would say ok get a note but get a note but he's you know he's a problem solver and so I got a no but he said right on the outside Peters to do notebook I did it I wrote it and then he says now you write inside this is what you're supposed to do today I wrote it and so it came home at night he said did you do it and I said I lost the notebook I've come a long way I'm better right am I better honey improving ok but say he felt disrespected because I didn't do what he said I did what everybody else said so ladies do what they say let them know that their priority respect is not earned this is a misconception it is based on it's not based on their behavior women will tell me I'm going to respect him when he acts respectably know you respect your husband because it is based on his god-given authority over you as your head respect him like you would a boss you may not like your boss always but would you respect him so put it in your mind you would say yes sir ok sir and respect means making him your priority as I said respect means sticking to him in a respectful manner watching your body language tone of voice and words so you know body language is so important and when you your husband says to do something the last word can be you can say you don't want to do it right so you say ok but you kind of throw your head have you done that it's like the last word ok are it's the eyes have you done that you kind of roll your eyes you know we have this we're experts at rolling our eyes we should not do that it's very disrespectful in fact our speaker Cassie on the first day he said that we should validate our husbands with our eyes when you look at your husband you should have respect in your eyes you should let him know that you really look up to him and you appreciate him and then also by your words you should when you speak to him never criticize him in public in fact there should be five compliments for every correction for your husband and then respects means knowing and meeting his needs so the needs of the husband authority they need us they have authority they serve they lead they analyze and they council have you ever had this experience you share a problem with your husband and all you want is a hug but they start telling you what to do have you had that I remember one time I was like telling Peter I probably said okay you know your problem you're not spirit-filled and boy I was not spirit-filled when he said that I was really upset because all I wanted was just a hug but ladies the reason is they are problem solvers and so we should appreciate that but you can just tell them I'm going to share something but what I want right now is just a hug that's what I do now and then he just hugs me says I'm sorry and I say thank you so much I feel so much better okay so conquests you know work is so important to our husbands that's how they get value in their lives and they're they're supposed to be the provider but sometimes we complain you come home so late you're always busy you know ladies can you turn it around can you just encourage them can you say I appreciate that you work so hard I thank you for working hard and bringing home the money for our family and they also need honor it's what we I said they need a relationship they want close friendship with us in fact they want recreational friendship Peter loves it when I play golf with him and might not all my balls are flying to the right and laughs right I think some goes straight yes okay so we we walk in Talk it's called walkie-talkie we walk every day so we walk and talk and that we swim and we talk and then they want domestic support of course they want to come home to a clean calm household and this is a need that's so important sexuality is sex they want an attractive wife so we are their only option women if you don't do it who else can do it legitimately who all the secretary oh my see another reason you have to fulfill this need now we ladies we get older and yes gravity takes over we should be a visual delight not a visual fright okay don't make it hard for them look the best you can at whatever age you are and be available you should put in your mind this is a privilege that I can do this with my husband that we can share this together so don't be like my friend okay she knew she had to have sex when her husband asked so he came home one night and he wanted sex and she was really really tired and so she said okay okay so he went to the bathroom to get ready and when he came back she told me she had put this cover over her head and her legs were bent and she had a sign whatever you do do quickly not good okay don't do that because your husbands want you to enjoy and put energy into it this is very important to your husbands and let me just close with this raise your appreciation and lower expectations in your relationship this is a key that I don't want you to forget raise appreciation lower expectations because what happens before marriage of all these plans and everything and after marriage it becomes an expectation you owe this to me so romance is out the window and now it's tense but what you should do is give your expectations to God and ask God to change your husband in areas you'd like but you look for things to complement and encourage any little thing in fact there was a time when my almost perfect husband I was irritated about a few things we wives can find those few things right and I was seeing I was negative towards him and I prayed Lord let me see him with your eyes and you know what God opened my eyes to see how he sees him and I saw the things that I had forgotten all the things that had made me fall in love with him in the first place and then I started to compliment him and can I tell with you make a list and review that list and then every day think of one way you can say something positive to him don't be like my friend I told her this and she said you know what Diana I can't think of one thing not one I said what you can't think of anything to say positive about your husband No so I said we thought of something so then I told her so this week you use that one thing to compliment him and I we'll check with you next week the next week came and I said so did you compliment him and she said Diana I tried so hard to compliment him but it got stuck in my throat it wouldn't come out so many of us have stuck-up throats ladies by the power of the Spirit look for something positive to encourage your husband make it a habit and you will see that your family will be predictably joyful by the power of the Spirit so what are our roles ladies first role help me what's the second submit what's the third respect and we do this on to God because this is his command and this is how we will have the family that will be a lighthouse to the world to show what a Christian family is like god bless you men what is our role leader lover ladies what's your role help me submit respect now if you understand this this is what's gonna happen in your marriage many times relationships develop problems can I tell you why husband fails to show up because you love your wife but you don't know how to show it all right so the wife reacts when the wife reacts she will be perhaps he wants your respect because he is respectful the husband reacts by withdrawing now when the husband withdraws the wife go into panic mode because she was the husband to love her but the husband is withdrawing so this crazy cycle the wife will now react she wants to solve the problem and because she's reacting negatively the husband will again react negatively so this crazy cycle will spiral spiral spiral down and that's what many marriages are in trouble I suggest from now on you reverse it for example if the husband fails to show you love ladies you should rethink perhaps he loves me he loves me for sure but he does not know how the show so you continue respect don't react with disrespect now when you show respect your husband will feel good and Syria he will realize you know what my wife respects me he will not withdraw he will move closer to you and when he moves closer to you you begin to realize you know what my husband loves me and then you will not not so your cycle will go up do you understand I'm saying this crazy cycle is happening too many marriages because ladies you need to understand men do not fight you we don't fight women we just withdraw the moment you show disrespect the moment you start nagging men will withdraw they withdraw not because they don't love you but that's their nature they don't fight women but gentlemen the moment you withdraw the moment you are silent the moment you don't reach out to your wife your wife will think you don't love her she becomes insecure the moment she becomes insecure she begins to nod she begins to act differently maybe not respect you so that cycle will begin again okay so gentlemen you have two main jobs number one lead you're responsible number two done I just want to add one thing about submission which is very important it's for our protection that's why God's appear to submit to our husbands because it's for our protection can you say that it's for our protection yeah so I don't want you to forget that and I want it to be in the video because I have had many experiences when I have not followed him I've got into a lot of trouble so just remember it's like an umbrella for your protection so man your assignment today is this way if you're beside your wife are you beside your wife now so you guys on this table you can look what do you do you hold her hand you hug her that's your chance now I know you have been wanting to hug her for the longest time you who you hard now very can I give another assignment then you say something positive to each other now just one thing one compliment husband and wife to each other okay right now my wife say something positive right now that you appreciate about them now those of you who are not married when you go home you say something positive to your parents she said okay with you say something pass slipped your parents say something positive to your children okay that's your assignment positive right sir here's a situation the husband divorced the wife to marry another woman the wife later on got involved with a man who's also separated 20 years into the relationship both came to know the Lord Jesus and committed to abstain from sexual relations outside of marriage the man is now having his marriage annulled in court can they get married when and if annulment is granted to make the relationship right before God's eyes okay this is what I call a scrambled egg see they have been living together for 20 years ready they want to make it right I'm not legalistic I'm a pastor do deaf children not mention but do you see what I'm saying the first husband is already separated probably as his own wife there's no way they can be back together so you make the most of the situation so in that condition I would say it's not ideal but it's the best understand under the circumstances so usually in CCF they will probably be asked to just get a civil wedding why civil wedding so that not talked no nothing then they want to have a celebration or probably have a celebration but in God's eyes you should not feel guilty in God's eyes you are making it right because a sin committed in the past does not mean now you will not be forgiven you see you made something you did something wrong in the past and now you come to Christ so I don't see any problem there all right last one question for the evening what can you say about wives earning more than their husbands would it be okay for the wives to work and the husband to stay at home no this is very common today the wives make more money than the husband if you ask me it is not the best but the reality is the wife makes more money and I believe the husband should not be lazy the husband should not stop working because my wife and I have many cases where the wife decides to home-school so she stopped working in almost every instance the salary of the man gets doubled gets tripled what happened it's called miracles it's called God's economy I believe in the Word of God I believe if you follow the Word of God he will bless you how he does it I don't know how but if you don't follow the Word of God you follow human wisdom you will not experience the miracles of God and I like to believe you want to experience supernatural divine intervention in your lives so the only way you will experience divine intervention is to follow God's design in God's Way it may not make sense why making a lot of money and now she's gonna quit and let the man work what God promised to provide for our needs yes or no and secondly what's your value is it money or do you want to model a godly home it's all about value system value proposition if you prioritise money money money I'm gonna tell you you may make a lot of money but what's gonna happen to your family what's the mode that you're giving to your children or f/w they said they need to go abroad and make money sure if money is the most important but what's the use of money you sent to the fellow when your children become mess up or your wife gets involved with affairs so my question is you need to think biblically and up biblically and now that sometimes means you pay a price you may make less money but so what if you make less money but you have more spiritual blessing look at me how long will you live your life on earth how many years 70 80 90 what is the most important living for God placing God is giving your children spiritual heritage I tell all the men your main priority teach your children the ways of the Lord let them fall in love with God that's legacy money cannot buy what's the use of having money and your children and your family is a mess I would just say that when a man is not working since that's where he gets a lot of his self you know fulfillment what happens if the wife is now earning and she becomes dominant and the wife is the husband is staying at home he looks for affirmation other places and many times it deteriorates into an affair because he wants to be respected and so this is something that's very dangerous and the Bible says that the wife has to be the worker at home and if a wife is making more they're both working will praise God but she should the guy should not abdicate and then let her take over his role as the leader and provider of the family a one other answer to the question about what do you do if you see your relatives are not really teaching their children the way of God you know disciplining them we have a lot of activities we have retreats parenting seminars counterflow you can also invite them hey common listen to these speakers these are great about parenting so you know use also what CCF is doing couples retreats parenting seminars you can do that also to help your relatives okay thanks you

Channel: Gabriel Rebuta

Views: 25,017

Rating: 4.8295741 out of 5

Keywords: ccf, glc 2, book 8, session 2, roles of husband and wife, family life

Id: mPnv_Xkz5OI

Length: 66min 43sec (4003 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 14 2019