Caroline Myss - The Curmudgeon (The Power of Archetypes)

and that is what a curmudgeon does a curmudgeon uses these tactics and they are tactics to stop the flow of harmonious energy they just have to stop the flow of what could be just a harmonious situation or a harmonious event or a harmonious conversation [Music] look hi everybody time for another archetype today we're going to do the curmudgeon um and I'm sure every one of you knows a curmudgeon before I launch into this particular work um I would say Workshop Old Habits um archetype I want to kind of remind you about what an archetypal pattern is all about what we're all about an archetypal pattern is a pattern of power and and what we do with what archetypes are are like what we do is we Channel our power our life force into these patterns unconsciously that's that's how we're designed that's how the collective is designed that's how our unconscious is designed and um these patterns of power have long-running narratives that go back centuries that just go back and and this this power gets channeled into our archetypes in the collective unconscious and then the ones the archetypes that we have each archetype contains a archive an archive of stories and myths and legends and Etc and our particular Journey our contracts our our who we are our life Journey um our unique Journey we select then certain narratives from each of our archetypal archives that we identify with this is how when we're children we reach for books and stories that we automatically identify with you know we like little boys that want to be heroes they like Hero Stories they like those Marvel uh comic books and girls like those they you envision yourself as warrior queens or great Heroes and that begins to talk to your unconscious and it begins to form how you imagine yourself expressing power in the world and you might see yourself as someone who wants to save others and be recognized as a hero and that starts to form the way you make your choices and how you think of yourself and little princesses begin to imagine boys AS nights they may not be but that's what gets projected Knights begin to gravitate to girls that are damsels I mean it just happens this is how we are configured archetypally and this as we grow up these narratives become part of who we are and it becomes how we then make choices that form the content and the experiential environment of Our Lives we we begin to think like our con our archetypal patterns we begin to act them out we make choices in keeping with our archetypal patterns and this is how we start to experience the nature of our power are we in realizing what our power is and I remember for example a story it's not a story actually of um an older brother of a of a very close friend of mine who obviously had a hero archetype but he did not have the um self-esteem shall we say to actually be that hero to actually be that and it was either that or he so wanted to be what he was not at any rate I remember him coming home he wasn't the military coming home and regaling us with extraordinary stories of what he did in the military none of which were true but we all believed it including his mom and this is the kind of Shadow side of this power and these fantasies that controlled him and eventually he committed suicide there was no truth to it now all of our archetypal patterns lead us to experience what our life really is they collide with with our capacity to actually Empower ourselves and create a life based on what we're experiencing and the choices that we like for example you may have a princess or a night archetype but there's a likelihood you actually don't have a castle and look at all the times you hear on TV and you hear people say a man's Castle is his home or a man's home is his castle whichever the way that is but the castle image is there but it's not a castle it's a home in a suburb or it's a home in the city or it's an apartment but the image comes from that myth and and it gives rise to that idea that I can do anything to protect my castle and and how many how many women I have met in workshops who speak about divorcing and saying he didn't turn out to be the Knight I thought he was I mean so they saw during the dating stage they projected this myth this fantasy that goes all the way back to their childhood that this was their knight in shining armor unable to see who this person really was or who they were and their fantasies and the unfair projection onto another human being who is just a human being and and the point is this is how we experience our choices the power of our choices the power of our belief system the power of the and the truth that we each in fact dwell within a reality of our own power system and that it is it's it's that knowing your archetypal patterns are so unbelievably important to navigate why are you making the choices you are what it is you're perceiving why you're seeing what you're seeing and um how your real life often collides with your um myths with your fantasies and you realize this is this crisis that I'm in is really not the result of that person or this or that but it's my orphan child wanting to be adopted by that person that I have projected as a parental figure and that's not my parent and so inevitably if you understand the archetype and you understand the dynamic you realize of course I'm this relationship is going to break down that's not my parent I'm not that person's child so it was dysfunctional from the get-go I have to heal this abandonment issue in myself otherwise I will continually attached myself to people with the private agenda of wanting to be adopted instead of just wanting to be in an adult to adult relationship at the end of the day another way to understand this is all of our archetypal patterns are the ways in which we are we learn how to manage our power how to manage our power how to manage our power in relationships how to manage our power in the quality of choices that we make how to manage our power and for every single person no I want to say it this way the one of the greatest achievements a person can aspire to is to realize that empowering others is in fact the the greatest thing you can do is to use your your power to bring about the empowerment of another person this is the difference between the transition from the love of power to the power of love this is that transition and to utilize your inner capacities to make the transition from your self-esteem to actually channeling The Graces inside of you the grace is inside of you to real to in this activates your intuitive perceptual system to realize what can I do to help this person what can I do in order to get to that place a person has to Journey Through the fear that somehow or other empowering another person disempowers you that empowering another person is helping them win a race that you will then lose and that somehow the way to protect yourself is to not compliment someone is to not enhance them you don't realize that what you're doing is is anesthetizing your own perceptual skills your own capacity to channel Grace that you are repressing all the gifts you have to give this world because you're so afraid that somehow or other empowering others disempowers you when in fact the the great mystical truth is that a rising tide lifts All Ships and you see this this fear in the way people think about money I mean no no I can't I can't I can't give that person money money oh my God no I can't give that person an opportunity oh my God not an opportunity I'll I'll just you know help him out with 25 cents but I'm not going to give them an opportunity you know I'm not gonna I'm not gonna tell them I'm not gonna give him an idea Jesus what's in it for me oh my God that expression what's in it for me if I help you out what's in it for me this kind of no gets just sticks in my crop that what's in it for me if I do something so on the other side of this spectrum this fear this it reflects a level of how a person is out of power what do people do when they have not yet developed reservoir of self-esteem where they haven't yet developed that kind of first stage of self-esteem where they can't even do anything for anybody now we talk about a curmudgeon what is a curmudgeon everybody knows a curmudgeon I had an aunt who was a curmudgeon I adored her I loved her to Pieces she was my favorite aunt but she had a curmudgeon skill I mean she was a curmudgeon it's not a skill she had a tendency and this is how hers worked it's an auntie what about going to this restaurant ah I don't like it and it was the one she wanted to go to but she forgot and it was always tweaking something always tweaking it was always or you'd make something and you'd say how is it uh yeah I could use a little more salt always something it was never this is fabulous thank you for doing this ah it was always this tweak it was always someone could we go to a party and you'd see somebody in the family and I'd say don't they look great not that hairstyle why don't they get their hair style you know always some had to tweak something just like that I mean it the curmudgeon could never just say something nice it could never just say something nice another person that I know is a curmudgeon has to tweak something and these are meaningless tweaks right you'll say um we left it uh four in the afternoon it was 4 10. meaningless meaningless tweaks but gotta get the last word in gotta gotta get the last word in we'll be touring a city and we'll say we want to go see this why I mean there's nothing there I mean none of us had seen that particular place and she'd always say why I mean I I've been there it's nothing maybe for you but could never just go along with the group I always had to tweak it I remember we wanted to go on a um a dinner a group of us why do you want to do that I mean it's just so nothing but it meant something to everybody always had to curmudgeon a little bit always had to curmudgeon that trait that that trait that irritating always have to tweak always have to curmudgeon where nothing pleases that person absolutely nothing now why are people like that what makes that person a curmudgeon if we put it in the um explanation of power what makes it difficult for a person to just say what a good idea or that's fine or just agree with I mean over meaningless things I mean right and I've thought about it and I've thought of because these little tweaks these little things these little comments are so annoying but what it does do is it causes you to say well do you want to go to this restaurant do you want to go to that one what what would you like so that you stop curmudgeoning what would you like well I don't care I mean do what you want do you want to go there that's fine but the somebody's sprinkled that dark fairy dust over something and it's like then when you go there and she looks in the menu and she goes well you wanted to go here I mean it's that kind of thing what is that trait and how do you handle these people right so that trait reminds me of what children do because children don't have the capacity to get up and say that's it I'm out of here they don't their only capacity is to get stubborn is to lock in is to cry is to control through the least through aggressive behavior that stops traffic in the house and that is what a curmudgeon does a curmudgeon uses these tactics and they are tactics to stop the flow of harmonious energy they just have to stop the flow of what could be just a harmonious situation or a harmonious event or harmonious conversation they just have to constantly tweak I was just in this just the other day and somebody who was taught telling a story and all the tweaks were absolutely meaningless no it was it was this time no we had this for lunch nothing absolutely enhanced or was essential to the core story this person was telling absolutely nothing but it was as if the other one had to let the person know you're you're not on you're you're not telling it the right way you just I could do it better you're not doing you know what is that about it's like the curmudgeon critic and the curmudgeon has to never is never satisfied and so I if if I were if I was teaching a workshop right now I would actually pause and say all right how many of you have this trait how many and what's in it for you what is in it for you to curl imagine out what is that about and and I I will admit that I've had episodes episodes I'm not a curmudgeon by Nature that's not my nature but what I've had episodes and I have and I realized with me that I when I am depleted of my energy completely depleted that I run out of patience and I can't and it's it's an interesting thing and I I find it curious in myself that um when I'm with a lot of people for a long time like when I'm teaching for example and I'm talking for hours and hours and hours and hours and I'm around people and I'm really in a heightened state of attention I I'm paying attention at a level I don't normally pay attention and I'm I'm constantly scanning the room and I'm constantly an alert okay and that afterwards I try and answer questions for people because they want to talk to me and I try and do that and I try and be there for people just like that but I noticed years ago that people would say can I hug you can I hug you and early on I would say sure but what would happen to me I'm like a plane that you can that can go on full fuel until it's out and when it's out it crashes there's just no more fuel it goes straight down it doesn't gradually go down it goes down out of fuel crash and I would notice that all of a sudden all of a sudden it was instant I would get like oh my God if one more person touches me I'm gonna lose it I'm going to lose it and the way that expressed itself is I gotta get out of here now right now and I didn't even myself realize why I and it wasn't until I really had to acknowledge something I didn't want to acknowledge which was that I must be absorbing all the emotion all the content of these people hugging me I didn't want to be that poorest I can't stand the thought of being that poorest but I was and and so now when I teach which is not that often anymore covid changed a lot of things but I'll say Please don't hug me I'm I'm delighted to talk to you but don't ask to touch me I don't don't do that I can't I I really can't I don't need to explain it but I just it I can I it's too much and it turned me into that type of curmudgeon where someone wanted to uh when I'd be walking to my room and someone would say do you want to no I don't want anything and I couldn't believe the way I was answering because that's not like me I'm always very grateful when someone would say do you need anything you know thank you yeah I I couldn't tolerate that part of myself and so now after a workshop I need I like to go away we charge take a nap for an hour and recharge my battery and then I'm fine and I'm fine to be social again but that's how I experienced the curmudgeon it's now part of my nature but it's something that comes it activates activates when I am depleted because I don't have the energy to give to anybody else I think some people have that archetype in their system or when we are out of energy that archetype emerges somehow um not because we have it in our Energy System full time but it's the consequence of feeling disempowered and when we're disempowered the idea of empowering anybody even by just being agreeable isn't comprehensible to us and so we we engage in that and I think that um the more helpless someone is the older they get perhaps the more they resent the accomplishments of others what whatever the more they think things that they were entitled to didn't come their way uh there's all kinds of reasons why a person can see themselves as disempowered and the result is that the idea of empowering another person is just impossible for them to consider and honestly what I have to say and encourage you is that if if you become aware that you do that that you have this trait of tweaking of always jumping in for meaningless things because you want to just correct somebody because you want to if you're curmudgeoning stop it stop it and recognize I just can't let something go I just can't let it go I gotta get the last word in I gotta just do this why why this is a trait that's not pleasant to be around and it's something that says I just can't let another person even have a second and if I don't have a second it says something about my power my absence of power my resentment that they of someone else's power and that says something about you and at that point you have to say where in myself do I need to attend to my own empowerment what is it that I have to do because this is a self-esteem alarm it's an alarm it's saying that I I need to attend to myself in some way that I so resent and lack a capacity to allow another person a second in the sun much less a moment much less to be encouraging of them and if you're around a curmudgeon this is my Council because I I I have to say that it's risky it's risky I'm going to tell you right now but I think we do someone a favor by saying and I've done this um I'm going to give you some feedback I love you to pieces but you are a curmudgeon and every time someone says left you say right every time someone says up you say down why are you doing that why can't you just leave something alone what what is what what is it with this what is this I mean what if if what you were contributing actually enhanced what was being said but it doesn't you're tweaking to make them feel inadequate like they can't tell a story with that and everything you're saying is meaningless what are you doing that for and I'm just giving you feedback that it's annoying it's not enhancing and so you think about that and we love you but stop it and there it is so that's my counsel with this particular archetype and with archetypes in general remember that these are patterns of power and it's through these patterns which is why it's so important to know your archetypes that you have acquired your inner narratives and that those greater archetypal narratives have merged with the actual experiences of your life and that that the experiences of your life are formed by the patterns the greater patterns that you identify with and inevitably there's a collision because the fantasies of the archetypal myths are never fully manifested exactly as we imagined them so that's where the Journey of our own co-creative choice and our own power comes in in life it's an extraordinary design I must say I must say that's why I love doing workshops on archetypes I love it love it love it love it love it I might go back to that I just love it so thank you everybody enjoy the curmudgeon

Channel: Caroline Myss

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Length: 29min 0sec (1740 seconds)

Published: Wed May 10 2023