There are weapons in Fallout 3. Big weapons, small weapons, good weapons,
and bad weapons. But what about no weapons at all? Can You Beat Fallout 3 With Only Your Fists? Coming up with names that aren’t horrendously
stupid is getting harder and harder. I was gonna name myself Fisto, but I decided
to play as a woman for an added challenge, because it’s been proven by medical science
that woman do not have hands. So I went with Fistonia. And let me tell you, Fistonia is very… not…
good god she’s hideous. After a fun child birth it was time for SPECIAL. 9 in Strength to hit hard, 8 in Endurance
to be able to take a punch from a bullet, 9 in Intelligence to level-up quickly, 7 in
Agility because Fistonia’s sexual prowess must be accurately represented, ignore the
fact that she’s currently a baby, and 5 in Luck. After thanking all the guests for coming to
my birthday party and playing drop the glass, I hopped up on because I wanted to touch the
pretty helium sacks. Then I got stuck on the table. I resolved the issue by sitting and went down
to the basement to kill me a bug. I know what you’re thinking, “you have
to use a BB Gun!”. That’s true except for the part where it’s
not true at all. You can use VATS to stomp on the roach. Then when you somehow fuck up something as
simple as stepping on a bug, you can just punch it. New problem: You’re trapped in bug world. There’s an invisible wall. I thought this was the “all is lost in space”
moment, luckily Daddy-O gets close enough that you can use VATS to teleport yourself
back to reality. Then it was time to take the GOAT. I wanted to take it, really I did. But Mr Brotch took a bit of a stumble down
the stairs. So I saved us both some time by choosing my
own skills. I went with Medicine, Speech, and Unarmed. The Vault escape was what you’d expect. The Guards were the toughest people in the
Vault, but even they couldn’t stand up to Fistonia, because she hits like a Hippo with
Downs Syndrome and has a personality like a piece of plywood. Out of the Vault, I sold most of the weapons
and ammo I’d collected to Crazy Wolfgang, entered Megaton, snuck into Moriarty’s Saloon,
hacked into his terminal, did a sweet jump off a roof that broke both my legs, and was
off to find Galaxy News Radio. On my way to GNR I stopped by Super Duper
Ultra Mega Mart to see what sort of exciting pharmaceutical items they had in stock. I killed a lot of Raiders, went outside, tried
to cave in Bryan Wilks’ head but remembered that I don’t have the murder children mod
installed, pretended to be Michael Vic, returned to Moira Brown to sell a bunch of shit, entered
the Subway system, and fought Ghouls for the first time. The Roamers are a force to be reckoned with,
but the normal Ferals are a pushover. Super Mutants are also pretty tough I killed two more Super Mutants and encountered
Sarah Lyons of Cat Club and robbed the corpse of her dead friend. We fought our way through a ruined building
full of Super Mutants, in which they stole a lot of my kills. Then came the big one, the Super Mutant Behemoth. Without the Fat Man, Feline Fanatics did their
best to topple the giant, but as usual it fell on me to slay the beast. The Behemoth was no match for the freak with
five fingers. Then I spoke to Three Dog, predictably failed
a Speech check, and was headed to the Washington Monument for the first time ever. I passed through another tunnel system, killed
more Ghouls, waltzed into a minefield where Raiders and Ghouls were battling it out, only
set off a few mines, killed the Raiders, ran around looking for a bed, found one, slept,
returned to the tunnels, and finally made it outside where a lot of Super Mutants were
waiting to take advantage of a beautiful girl like myself. One-on-one, the Mutants are mostly just a
nuisance, but with several shooting me from all directions, it’s what I call a sticky
situation. What’s even stickier is that they can run
backwards faster than I can run forwards, making unarmed attacks especially annoying
to land. The Super Mutant Master was easily the toughest
foe thus far. I went back to Megaton to buy more Stimpaks,
then returned to the Mall to enter the Museum of Man-Made Bullshit and Lies That Are Blasphemous
Because God Is The Answer To All Questions. What do you want for dinner? God. Your son isn’t breathing on his own and
will be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life, should we take him off life support? God. Inside the MoMMBaLTABBGiTTAQ, I killed several
more Super Mutants, rescued the Virgin Dish, and went back outside towards the Monument. There were two Paladins guarding the gate,
so I lured a bunch of Super Mutants over and let the two groups duke it out. The Super Mutants won by a landslide. It wasn’t even a contest. Then I installed the Dish, tried to throw
a bottle out the window but discovered that the windows are fake and don’t exist at
all. Back at GNR, Three Dog gave me the information
I needed, and I was off to Rivet City. But before that, I bought a lot more Stimpaks
from Doctor Dickless in Megaton. I stayed along the river as I marched toward
Rivet City. And then I saw her, Grandma Sparkle. I damn near took her head off, looted her
corpse, stole from her fridge, raided her shack, and the curse of Grandma Sparkle strikes
again. The game crashed when I left her shack. After I passed by a bridge, I upped the difficulty
to Normal because the Raiders were to easy to kill. Then I discovered The Citadel, the Jefferson
Memorial, did a sweet jump onto the swinging bridge to Rivet City, talked to Madison Lee,
bought some Combat Armor, and went to the Jefferson Memorial to search for clues about
where Dad could have gone. Inside the Memorial I found something that
really pissed me off, far more than it should have. Unless I’m dumber than a gum wrapper, you
can’t attack a turret, or at least this particular turret, with your fists. I even manage to bop it and get it to move
back and forth, but it wouldn’t take any damage. So lame. Once I listened to the holotape left by dad,
I left the Memorial, realized that Jesus might have been a Super Mutant, and continued power
walking towards Smith Casey’s Garage. Not much happened on the way out there, aside
from killing Lucky Harith and his cow. I entered Vault 111 and by this point, Tranquility
Lane is a bore. The Patriotic Heroes arrived to save the day,
I either killed or knocked out Dad, not sure which because the game wasn’t sure either,
I left, told Dad I’d meet him at Rivet City, met him at Rivet City, went to clear out the
Mutants at the Jefferson Memorial, and let the slug-fest begin. The normal Super Mutants didn’t put up much
of a fight, and that turret from earlier is gone, so that’s cool. The Brutes had a little more fight in them,
but not much. After it was safe, I informed the nerds, they
entered the building, and I was sent to the basement, where I belong. Fuses and other stuff, nobody cares. I did briefly experiment with maneuvering
around an area without turning the camera, because people have been suggesting that for
a while. The Enclave arrived and I absolutely did not
glitch through a fence to kill the first soldier I saw. They were surprising, actually. Not very difficult at all. Dad went to the big water purifier in the
sky, and it was up to escort Doctor Li and her band of idiots to safety. The first large group of Enclave I found in
the tunnels managed to kill me. I killed a lot of them, but there were two
left, out of reach. I did some expert-level jumps and got on top
of this metal barrel thing, then I jumped up onto the platform and sent the soldier’s
flying over the edge. There’s also a ladder you can open, that
goes nowhere and does nothing. You can also close it, but that too does nothing. While I was playing with the ladder, Doctor
Li somehow managed to follow me up there. I hit her and she did… this. Maybe it’s just me, but I find that creepy
for some reason. Still atop the platform, I found a door for
midgets that led to more Enclave Soldiers who were waiting to ambush me and the scientists
that I wish were dead. I pushed onward, exited the tunnels, and arrived
at the Citadel. These are my skill at the moment because I
haven’t shown them in a while. Also, if you’ve watched my other Fallout
3 videos, you may have noticed that there were perks in the game that came from mods. I disabled all those mods for this playthrough. The perks and skills are all vanilla pudding. Inside the Citadel, I got an earful from from
King Baldy about my deadbeat father, figured out which Vault has a GECK, was a righteous
cunt to Scribe Jameson, got the location of Vault 87, and went to buy some supplies from
Knight Captain Durga. Just as I was a cunt to Jameson, Durga was
a cunt to me. But unlike Jameson, I’m not scripted to
not initiated combat unless I’m attacked. Words hurt, and Durga will learn this the
hard way. I VATS my way inside fort loser and beat her
to death with my own hands. I then stole a lot of stuff from the Brotherhood’s
Armory. I also assumed that Durga had a key to open
the Cell Door. But she does not, and that’s very unfortunate. It means that I’m pretty much stuck. This is what we in the business like to call
“fucking up big time”, or a soft-lock. So, I’m stuck in the cell. What are my options? Well, I have none. I refused to let Durga live, so I couldn’t
reload a previous save. I had hoped to avoid doing this, but the only
thing I could do was glitch myself through the cell door or the fence by rapidly quick-saving
and quick-loading. It took about 5 minutes to leave fort loser. That might not sound like a lot, but I was
pressing plus and minus several times a second for almost the entire time. My poor fingers, by the time those 5 minutes
were up, my fingers felt like the fingers of someone who had just spent 5 minutes rapidly
pressing two keys on their keyboard. But none of that matters anymore, because
I’m finally free. Next stop, Little Lamplight. It really is the place to be. Think about it: You can beat all the children
you want and they won’t feel a thing. Sure, you aren’t actually hitting them,
but let me have this dammit. On the way to Little Lamplight, I got into
a lengthy encounter with a group of Enclave Soldiers. Once again the multiple enemies attacking
at once proved to be pretty annoying. But it was all worth it because this [punching
eye bot explodes] was so satisfying. Some minutes later, I ran into A Wanderer,
who got fucked up by giant flies before running off. See, I always knew Mel Gibson was a pussy. When I arrived at Little Lamplight, McDanlies
wouldn’t let me in. I could have glitched through the wall or
spend 30 minutes reloading saves until I passed the speech check, but I really didn’t feel
like doing that. Instead, I chose to go rescue his friends
from the slavers who’d taken them. I’m sure they were playing board games or
something, and not doing anything that would make Satan go “dude, what the fuck”. At Paradise Falls, I killed the greeters and
made my way inside. Did you see what I did there? It was a very subtle joke. See, I said they were playing board games. Board games usually have dice. The name of this place is Paradise Falls. Get it yet? Paradise Falls? A pair of dice falls onto the board in some
board games. Paradise sounds like “Pair of dice”. Okay. I killed a group of slavers inside the healing
hut, and one of the slavers blew my mind. He pulled a me, can you believe it? He kept entering and exiting the healing hut
like I did in my New Vegas Companion video. What a twist. Then, before I freed the children, I fought
the Great Nameless One. With the children free to be taken by slavers,
I went back to Little Lamplight to be covered in thi- you know what, let’s not go there. My adventures in Vault 87 proved to be more
fun than usual. Never before have I been able to deal significant
damage to the Super Mutants while also being able to take some damage. It was liberating. Some time ago I had bought an Advanced Radiation
Suit, which meant I had no reason to release Fawkes. I got his hopes up by talking to him, then
I let him know that I’d be leaving him in there forever. The GECK was easy to get thanks to the Radiation
Suit. Then the Enclave ambushed me, I refused to
give up the code, I killed the officer who was rude to me. And when I say “killed”, I mean killed. I launched that fucker 3 feet off the ground
and took his leg off with my fist. I made my way through the Enclave base, snagged
the FEV Vial, wandered around some more, escaped the base, and returned to the Citadel. Queen of Pussy Patrol actually thought I’d
want some of her stupid armor. Nah, I can just buy so… oh. That’s right, I killed Durga. Despite this setback, I’d kill her again
if I could. From there, I waddled behind Liberty Prime
for a while until he entered his angsty teenage phase where he hated everybody and wouldn’t
do anything anyone wanted him to do, even if it would benefit him. So I pushed onward and walked around the big
blue fence, entered the Memorial, killed the Enclave soldiers guarding the Rotunda, and
confronted August Autumn, kind of the Palace of Auburn Hills. He died real good, but everything has to be
needlessly complicated mostly due to my own stupid decisions. Several playthroughs ago, I encountered this
problem where Autumn was dead but Sarah Lyons wouldn’t enter the room. Rather than trying a bunch of useless bullshit,
I reloaded a save and she showed up. That didn’t fix the problem though, because
why would it. She’s there, but Doctor Li wouldn’t let
us be one of her lifelines. So I’m stuck again. And again, not many options. I opted for the brute force metho d where
I glitch myself into the purifier, enter the code, and
I beat Fallout 3 With Only My Fists. And that’s gonna do it…
