I want you to think back to your gaming experience as a whole with friends maybe playing a little bit of Halo 3 while your buddy Daniel keeps freaking screen looking. DUDE STOP! or maybe those spooky moments and horror games that leave you filling your only good pair of Calvin Klein underwear with feces or you know even those great moments on the borderlands specifically the ones with Roland in the cutscene. What I'm trying to get out here is... well I'm not really too sure what I'm trying to get at. But what I do know for sure is that no game out there gives you the budget dollar store feeling of role-playing as a Gundam as Borderlands 3 does. Today we will answer a question a lot of you totally not sane people have asked Can you beat Borderlands 3 with only Moze's mech? The people that have asked that question clearly are the same people that snuck 3D
glasses out of the movie theater when they were younger. But fret not I am here to answer this question for all of those that wish to be entertained. Before we can start this Power Ranger Megazord roleplay fantasy, a few rules need to be set. Rule 1: I can only use Iron Bear to kill my enemies. Melee attacks or projectiles used by iron bear are completely viable, but any other means of damaging enemies is prohibited. Rule 2: my shield can never surpass the purple rarity and artifacts/class mods cannot be used at all this run. Rule 3: this run doesn't truly start to level 2 so I can use any means necessary to expel the scum that riddles the Borderlands. Until level 2 of course. Rule 4: there aren't any other rules because this run is pretty straightforward so go ahead and grab your fruit roll-ups and Hi-C juice boxes and join me as we delve into the Borderlands and experience the true tranquility of a run that is so goddamn torturous and makes me straight-up puke out of my asshole. After being graced with the vision from our great and merciful leader, Ricardo Milos, the journey began. Moze is a character in the game that I would say is criminally underplayed. The reason why? I'm not really too sure why and I try to think of something witty here But... eh, I'll come back to it later. The only remotely interesting thing about our Russian mama is the fact that she has a pre-1950s television set as an optional headgear. I named her after the same man that assisted Abraham Lincoln in writing the Gettysburg Address. I did so as a homage to the fact that this week in history was the week Lincoln gave that speech. *clip plays for a millisecond* And then went off on my way to complete the most difficult and challenging part of this game: the jump tutorial. Just like the patience and delicate hand of a surgeon, I made my way gracefully pressing my spacebar at the perfect moment and landed the jump. Pushing a bit forward I meet the very first group of degenerate scum that deserved the highest quality of attention. What type of attention you ask? well obviously death you a big dumb stupid idiot! Since until level 2 I can use any means to kill my enemies I decided to throw on a shield mod I got from pre-ordering the game. This mod emitted a supernova whenever my shield was depleted and that was what I was going to use to get rid of these goons. Condom off I ran into battle and let them take me until I inevitably exploded. This surprisingly took quite long but the good part is they let me practice for a potential shield damage only run which I quickly concluded after 20 minutes of trying, that tying cinder blocks to my ankles and being thrown into a septic tank would be more enjoyable than that shit. My shield mini nuke took good care of Shiv and before we knew it your boy was level 2. Now I could conjure a heaping metal mechanized gun suit aka a Gundam or Power Rangers Megazord for those of you that didn't go to college. The damage this thing provided was seriously straight-up condensed testosterone. This bad boy was the Messiah of destruction and overwhelming pain. Absolutely monumental in every possible way. All these kind words about IB aka Iron Bear aka Iron Boob aka irritable bowel syndrome were absolutely sincere. But this was when it first began to dawn on me - the one thing that would lead to the deterioration of Senza's sanity. By Lilith's command she told me of some more baddies that cared to listen to the sweet, sweet gospel of the diaper booty gang's crusade. So I pushed forward to Vaughn's last known location and this was where the giant heaping tsunami of diarrhea decided to hit me with full force. Here's the thing - when I'm in Iron Bear, I am in semi chubbed nirvana. Around 30 seconds of complete annihilation. Nothing stands in the way of Iron Bear and all the ugly lifeless beings that deserve to experience the tortures of hell. Hell in Diablo 3, of course, not real life because that shit is fucking spooky, dude! Ugh! But when iron bear runs out of fuel my desire for living is erased by the likes of Doodle Bob from Spongebob himself. Moze's cooldown on her action skill is around a minute and thirty seconds. This means I have to run around for that length of time, playing with my nipples and clenching my asshole tighter than an alligator's bite just to make sure I don't die. I already drink four hundred white claws a night just so I don't reach overwhelming amounts of emotional pain, and this run is going to make things all the harder. This all means that I will to go through the whole run dealing as much damage as I can in 30 second intervals. You know me, I live like a fiend - living fast, eating ass, downing subway footlongs in two minutes tops. But this run, this was going to be the exact opposite of high-octane. After taking the bandits to a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant - Death - I let Captain Underpants down with a melee attack and pushed onwards. Access to vehicles was needed so I made my way over to Ellie. We discussed the potential 'lay' of the land and any 'geographical qualities' I should know about before heading off to find her a vehicle and continued onwards. Being the mental gymnast I am this is where my stress was lifted and instead of drinking four hundred white claws tonight I can safely drop down to 375. I found a reach-around, so to say, to the Iron Bear problem. Iron Bear's weapons are the fuckers guilty of raping the poor little fuel bar that separates me from undying misery and straight-up nutting. Fortunately using only melee attacks would extend my time with my soul mate Iron Bear a little longer then straight-up slapping my dick on the left and right triggers to shoot my guns. I'm not sure how long this damage is going to stay relevant because this extended my time in Iron Bear to almost a minute. After finding and returning the vehicle, I did a little side quest for Ellie, got screwed over by Iron Bear for being too big and its inability to crouch, and got a little sad thinking that I was going to have to abandon this quest. But have no fear cause thanks to a super cool and awesome genuine guy with a really nice haircut I remembered from one of his stream highlights that you can actually hardcore parkour and finish the quest without ever shooting. Thank you Oboe Shoes Games You guys should go sub to him and give him my utmost gratitude But be sure you sub the Oboe Shoes Games and not Oboe Shoes Twos. The latter is a copycat wannabe loser and his hairline is absolutely horrendous. While we're on this too - I may as well shout myself out. Come follow me on Twitch because starting in December, I plan to start streaming my holy Crusades four nights a week, 7 P.M. CST till 10 P.M. And I'd love for you guys to come hang out. Even though I was quite under leveled I figured it was time to go and bring the battle to God Cringe Tyreen. But before we go and attack Cock HQ™, as always let's discuss the plan gentlemen. Operation "Hot Singles in my area AKA I'm a gullible thirsty boy" AKA Here is a cool transition. Is now in full..... Time is of the essence gentle boys and girls. I can feel it coming. The clinical trials and stipulations are coming to a close. Hours of research have been met. All that is left is one more character to complete a run through with - Moze. The Thanos gauntlet has been personally sent to me, but two more challenges must be completed before Protocol X and the prophecy can be carried out. We have already discussed the hardships of Moze and Iron Bear but going through with this crusade is going to be limp-dick inducing. The blue tree is going to be my best friend. This f*cker has two skills that is more than needed this run - a straight-up Modern Warfare 2 nuke and the skill that lets Iron Bear stay active after your fuel runs out. As long as you make your way down this lonely road, you will get the muscle mass needed to end this run. I did end up fingering the green tree a bit with a couple of skill points, but that is totally optional. Any questions class? That's what I thought you bunch of baby back b*tch Now let's get back to answering this bizarre question. Invading Cock HQ™ was quite easy. They seriously need to get to work on their security because this underleveled Russian mama and her baby boy straight-up got in there and spanked them around. We made it to Mouthwash and this was when all the fun I was seemingly having completely vanished. This dude was straight-up sewer ass. Everything was going great, I was dishing out decent damage and it was all fun and games until I exited IB. The problem was I didn't take the amount of time I needed to stay alive for the cooldown into account during this fight. Not only that but since I had the IQ equivalent to that of 14 Fallout 76's my dumbass thought updating my low-level shield would not be necessary since I'd be in the mech the whole game. Mouthpiece was one shotting me and my cooldown rate was taking a Millennium Falcon. Fortunately three hours and a boner later I succeeded through rigorous high tier gameplay and got what was needed. Getting that shit deciphered was next on the menu. And while Tannis was taking care of that, I simply took care of all the bandits lives with a couple of melee attacks. It was time to get up into space and as always I ran over things, got the limited edition Astro Boy Nav chip from a bunch of losers, and then the best part - watched an unskippable cutscene. The writing on the Teletubbies was better than this shit. Either way, Lilith unfortunately needed to be revived, and we were now in space. The next stop on our bang bus was Promethea, so we can meet our hot gamer guy, Rhys. I made it down to Promethea and the halloween event was still in progress. This was just another splinter in my buttcheek. But I wan't going to falter. Since this video is the X Games equivalent to video game challenges, Iron bear took it upon himself to get a high score and kill a few Rattatas. After I let him get his moment I skipped all the other baddies with the Lorelei cutscene and found out the leader of the Thundercats had a close connection with Rhys. And that is just what this Russian mama wanted. On Promethea was where I found the first gripe I had with this run. Going into loading screens while in Iron Bear completely canceled the action skill and put me on its full cooldown. That shit got me heated, but not as much as the next part in our journey. We had to clear the courtyard in order for Rhys to come out of hiding. So that means I had to go through about 45 minutes of torture. And these torture levels are literally equivalent to stepping on a floor full of Legos... with no shoes on... and you just woke up. Sure, using Iron Boob felt f*cking great karate chopping any sentient being's ass cheeks that came into my line of sight, but god fucking damn it, dude. My mech was getting one-shotted, and when it did I had to run around till my next summon. After the most pathetic 45 minutes of my life I met Rhys *heh* You know that that super hot cool gamer guy I was talking about, that so happened to be the main character on the Telltale Series. *ha* And then he told me to go find a good old friend of his - Genji from Overwatch 2. At this point I have made the conscious decision that I won't be doing any other side quests to level up. Reason being was because this run was already going to take a ridiculously long time in the first place. Ninja Gaiden wasn't too far from Rhys' watershed, so we took a hike. Irritable bowel syndrome made it there and we enjoyed getting absolutely pounded. This was when I sort of started to realize that I should Chrono Trigger™ time travel this bitch back and change my point of view about avoiding sidequest. But there was no point in doing that because my head is harder than a priest during a baptism. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Eventually, I was able to overcome and embrace Patience (that weird guy that was insistent on becoming my best friend) and I got to our boy Ninja Gaiden 3 Razor's Edge. Coming from the emoji in his eye <3 I witness a small glimpse of hope. Hope that things would be a little easier. Hope that I didn't know I needed. During the fight up ahead Zer0 just may as well not even be there. He was useless just as every other Zer0 main that thinks that they have the power of anime and obnoxiously large tits on their side. Due to my aggressive playstyle and me just straight-up being bad at video games in general, I was getting absolutely mauled. After the incessant blow up jump house full of butt f*cks I was rewarded for my efforts. Rewarded with access to Giga Chad's DMs, and you already know your boy is jumping in that shit. As an innovator; a visionary; a video game mastermind I developed a perfect strategy to make sure I had this fight in the bag. It was simple, and I hope you guys follow along because it may be confusing for some. I literally just summoned Iron Bear, sat in his face pumping him full of all the lead I possibly could, and then hid like a little bitch. The pinnacle of hide to your gameplay, baby. Woooooooooh! This is so much f*cking fun! The tactic fortunately worked; I made that dude eat the Rock's dirty jockstrap and then it was over. With Giga Chad's DMs now in my possession, I gave it to Rhys and found the next stop for the conquest. Athenas turned out to be a giant pain in my ass cheek. Being under leveled turned out to be an absolutely terrible idea. One Iron Bear summon and I could barely make it through killing one of the mobs on this planet. The enemies would just look at me and Iron Bear's health bar would drop to zero faster than a Twitch thot's DMs blowing up when she says she's single. Getting absolutely destroyed after every corner was absolutely no fun. Not even the presence of Maya made this shit better. I was starting to believe that she was even on their side. My sanity at this point was reaching Arkham Asylum levels. In my deteriorated mental state I was at one point convinced that Ava was a well-written character. That should truly show you how I felt during this time on Athenas. IB and I had a goddamn goal, though. Just when you think that he's given up, he surprises you by not giving up. Fortunately this is what you're capable of when you are force sensitive and really attractive and You know, "really funny." My persistence and winner attitude got me through this fight. Straight-up godlike calculations and talent is what got me this far in life and fortunately for you, this play is far from over. It was time for Taunt. Thanks to my time in the Skyrims I was able to make it through this fight in one try and unscathed. Popping Iron Bear and slapping Taint with that minigun justice felt great and when IB was done teaching him who was boss, I hid off in the corner and grinded my sneak skill to level 100. Taint has brought me great agony and severe constipation. One run was all I needed this time around, compared to the 40 of my other videos. The Lord is absolutely watching over us... Amen. With Taint gone, it was time for the Sky Well, baby! WOOOOOOO! Imagine this guys - Gearbox one day was sitting at their smug desk while coding Borderlands 3 and they just said this let's make a level in this game that not only closely resembles one of the most hated games in the franchise but including that we are only going to put in one fast travel point, one respawn point every 9,000 miles and one vending machine at the beginning of the massive level. We want a government run by Randy Pitchford and his USBs. Just kidding Randy. Come on, I'm just playing dude. Like you should let me voice someone in the next DLC. That'd be really cool I was just... that was all a joke. (Seriously though not a joke) The Gundam 1v1 took a Pillars of Eternity to get through and then I made it to Katagawa Ball. Okay my little default skins. I'm sure you know how this battle went. I feed off of ass beating so you know that eventually I came through and taught that boy who the real big boss was. I schooled that bitch on the middle school basketball court and a couple of sexual favors up the Maliwan corporate chain, I was now at their head honcho - Katagawa The leader of reddit.com/r/politics This boss fight was straightforward. Having Iron Bear rarely up hindered the high octane potential of this fight. Sometimes I was lucky enough to get off two DPS phases with Iron Bear. But for the most part only one. I did exit my crib at the wrong time and died because I'm an impatient f*ck. "Oh god, I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. ooooh! "Suck my toes dude." But my second time around I was able to level up from killing one of his clones and then let loose a barrage of lead bringing him to sweet misery. with Katagawa dead, the battle had been won, and it was time to make our way to our first Vault. With the plethora of skill points and upgrades I had for Iron Bear the game was getting easier and I was getting harder. In no time I made it to the gates of the Rampager and I was more than ready. Seething with the stench of strength AND masculinity, there was no way this Vault Beast could stop my Pringles can and I. The fight transpired and it was as you would expect... Big surprise, it took me around 40 minutes but eventually I got him to literally a sliver of health and the fight was almost over and I was about to f*cking buzz and then my iron bear fuel ran out. Big Fs in chat all around but this did lead to an odd discovery - Maya can't kill the boss by herself. She was literally pumping the Rampager full of dick when that boy had one health. Even throwing mini nukes and ninja stars and toaster ovens his health wasn't even budging. Iron Boob was summoned to finish the job and then I got to watch my favorite cutscene. Jurassic Park was up next and I was excited because this meant the run was nearly over. :D Hammerlock needed to be saved and I made my jolly way to go save that nice hunk of man. After a few business meetings with the enemy faction we made a unanimous decision that death would be the only option they had to get out of our ongoing business deal. After meeting with not-so-tiny Tina this was when I realized - You know the fights that are, you know, supposed to take probably five minutes. Yeah. Those were taking 30 f*cking minutes. "Mordecai do something you brainless turd ahhhhh!" I got to the Warden and wow, this is more like We're-Dead because that boy was literally making mincemeat of my low-level ass. My main goal was to get through his armor, and that seemed like a feat that wasn't very possible. This shit was so painful and AIDs inducing but I feel bad for future Senza when he has to go back and edit this shit. It's not something I want to live through again. "Yeah, this shit's pretty bad Senza. I don't know I hate you for making me do this." He was a goner, Hammerlock was returned to his sweet cheeks, we listened in unison to the Jacob family ASMR mukbang Starbucks edition video, and then I went off to conquer some more ass. The dinosaur housing my good friend Ice-T took two cycles of my ultimate. And after saving Dad-Lex(?) we pushed through the ship and I was beyond hyped. I now had the skill that kept Iron Bear up after I ran out of fuel. This run got 50 times better. Watching Iron Bear straight up push poop in from a distance was absolutely entertaining. Eventually BAE Lex got his own Gundam and we brought the fight to GenIVIV. Embarrassingly, I died three times during this fight. The problem was that outside of Iron Bear I was useless and the cesspool of bullshit trying to obliterate me did just that - obliterate me. Using my utmost epic gamer skills GenIVIV was dead, and it was nearly time for the Graveward. using Rogue Sight to find the last vault key piece that was stolen was beyond easy, and after a bit of confrontation and two deaths my Iron Boob did the honors and sent Mini Me back to where he came from - the trash can of course. Up next you may as well mark Aurelia off the hit list because even though she was four levels higher than me, She took Iron Bear's Iron Dick. I died a couple of times but playing this shit like Dark Souls, timing my dodges to each of her attacks was the way I was able to make it through. IB was nice enough to do the honors of finishing her off and our teamwork was absolutely absurd. A true display of skill. After Aurelia, Graveward was nothing in comparison. This shit was an absolute joke. Steroid Groot barely took any damage which was expected but the level difference didn't matter too much. This fight took me around 30 minutes and even though I did have to make a trip to TJ Maxx to get another pair of underwear, that didn't matter because with Graveward now turned into firewood We cued the Code Lyoko Aelita ripoff kidnapping, and whoa won't you look at that! Operation "Saving Undercover Siren" was now in full effect. And yes, I am the conductor of this poop train. But I made my way through Carnivora saying hi to all the carnival attractions and tourists - with my guns of course - and after playing cat and mouse with this tank, I eventually got to the Agonizer. Having PTSD flashbacks from my last video was giving me the heebie jeebies, Scoob. But fortunately I remembered the blessing Ricardo Miloss gave me at the beginning of this run and the Agonizer was able to be done in a single fight. Surprisingly the Agonizer didn't use me as a hacky sack, as usual. I played it smart dodging his moves and Iron Boob - good 'ol IB - gave it to that bad boy good. It was over. The operation was a success and Pain and Terror now rested in the Terranigma Underworld where they deserved to be. Pushing through Cock HQ™ I realized something that I never thought of before - Why in the goddamn f*ck are they sending me with a prepubescent child to take down Troy? We had the likes of Marcus from Gears of War, every wannabe quickscoper and Zer0 (AKA Genji) back at home, like who? (Idek how to subtitle this) After demolishing everything I could possibly have in my sight it was time to take on that snub-nosed Hollywood beach looking bum - Troy. This fight surprisingly took quite a while. Longer than I honestly would have expected. Before this boss battle I was literally going foot to boob kicking in everyone's lungs and destroying everything in my path with my obnoxiously big muscles. But for some reason all that didn't translate with the Troy fight. After surprisingly 38 minutes that scum was dead and it was time for the final chapter of this run. On Nekrotafeyo finding that turd farmer DeVito with an Indiana Jones whip was my only option. After finding him it turns out we needed to get the final vault key piece to access a grand vault. And General Taint was standing in my way of doing that. This fight actually got the best of me (big shock) But after a few deaths, I learned his ways and finished that f*cker off. But.... enough talk. Cause we got a problem. Your boy Snacks-A forgot to check his hard drive. Terabytes and terabytes of Ellie hentai got the best of me. The final bit of the run was not recorded due to my disk space being so low, I completed the run the fight with Tyreen took me fifty minutes because holy turds I was barely doing any damage and... ugh I've probably hit rock bottom This is what my skill points looked like at the end of the run and it did take me around 30 hours Goddamn it. "My name is Senza. I'm a big stupid idiot!
I love my dude snackza
If you play away from the patches that nerfed her, should be alright.
That was pre-patch. I wonder what he thinks now.