CallMeKevin Simulator

hey there friends have you ever wanted to  play a call me kevin simulator my ego can't   handle the truth so i'm gonna take your answer  as yes okay here we go hey there friends how's   it going that's not me talking just to be clear  that's the game yeah it's pretty accurate so far   this is pretty much how i see there we go you  see i had downloaded the special edition not   the normal edition this is the normal edition  i just didn't understand their definition of   special when i was downloading it can confirm  by the way this is exactly how my room looks oh   who's this oh look everyone it's jacksepticeye  i just picked up a god oh i just shot jack but   don't worry he's the top of the morning so he's  fine press e to say more like bo ragnarok i mean   i could say it but i accidentally killed  him could you go see where terrorizer is   i think i'm the terrorizer here but sure and he  wants 10 tomatoes wait is this nogla oh good to   see you no that's a lie actually it's terrifying  to see you nagla kevin i need your help i'm out   of non-copyrighted trading playing cards get  me more carrots or else okay take my carambi   back before 11. all right is that his car it's  it's gotta be he's irish and it's green right   i ran out of bullets oh no i didn't run out of  bullets sorry jack jesus why can i only shoot   at him i can't shoot at nocl at all oh no i can't  never mind miss click oh god i i'm basically just   wearing the car can i change the camera okay i can  jump to see where i'm going and then the whole car   lifts up where would i get non-copyrighted playing  cards can i retry i feel like i i'm doing the bad   play through here okay this time just grab the  gun and i won't even face you because i don't   want to accidentally kill you also your face  is a little bit terrifying okay i can sprint   faster than any car i'm just going to run out and  get them actually i kind of want to try the car   again i'm a glutton for punishment oh yes i'm  driving i could definitely walk faster though   i can do drive-bys and everything this is a  very accurate call me kevin simulator let me   tell you that much wait i see some skyscrapers  and a crucifix i think i'm going off road ah so   it's jim pickens i thought it was jim pickens  being crucified he did die for our sins after   all welcome to gym ring oh there it is my channel  banner finally i can copyright strike this person   oh wait a subscription sign okay maybe they're  doing this for a good cause after all don't forget   to subscribe everyone it's what the game maker  wants oh my god do you sell anything other than   chess i'm looking for tomatoes for jacksepticeye  okay tomatoes terrorizer or non-copyrighted   playing cards oh there's someone it's anna chess  hey kevin do you want to play chess as she points   a gun at me and another man just appeared out of  nowhere chess mafia guy why ha this is the last   time you cheated anna oh my god oh god oh god  there's chess mafia guys everywhere oh my god   he's stuck on me he's stuck on me you're dead all  right all right i'm already dead stop okay note to   self never talk to anna underscore chess this is  gonna haunt my nightmares isn't it this song plays   every time i need to respawn all right just give  me the gun i don't want to talk to you jack sorry   all right let's follow the road this time that's  probably a better way of finding my objectives   right wait did i run out of road i wasn't looking  at the road oh god damn it where's the road gone   something i often say when i'm driving i  mean look i'm from ireland okay it happens   okay this way this is where the road goes oh jesus  christ yeah that's an irish road all right oh my   god a sign for that quote that i once said you  know that time when i was scared and i went ah   i can't believe they remembered that it deserves  to be immortalized okay so i'm in the big city   it's weird you'd think it would be cheaper to just  build out rather than build up but yet here we are   okay do not talk to anna cheese instead just  go in the water across to here oh no batman vs   superman if you don't know when i saw that movie  when i left the theater i got hit by a car so i'm   oh we're sold out of tickets that's probably  for the best bore ragnarok in theaters now   kind of bummed they don't have tickets for that  one to be fair who the hell is that that's just   some passerby die why do i never have bullets when  i need them oh oh go okay i think it just wasn't   reloaded oh who is this how you you are terrorized  okay the drift daddy beat me at mario kart again   what's new am i right do something i assume that's  the drift daddy dan the villain hahaha the drift   king wins again if you dare to challenge me go to  the gym ring okay i know where that is oh oh wait   so he just got these commissioned himself  this is jim pickens welcome child kevin i   need your help because brother turg stole one of  my crosses go get it back by any means necessary   derek is at the turk mountain it is the one  opposite your house thank you for some directions   oh i thought i could make music but i just made  gunshots come on tomatoes or pokemon carrots oh   oh bread now only 100 000 that is a reference  to a crappy pasta i once wrote he saw that the   bread was on sale so he was going to buy it and  then and big fat hairy man ran up to him and said   no that not for or you and he took the sale sign  away which made the bread go back up to 100 000   dollars this is all in the future so that's normal  for the future chicken with spit do you mean like   spit roasted or like it actually has spit on it  is that a reference to something spit in the food   yuck the hell are you oh you're this ghost to  the supermarket you can have the non-copyrighted   trading playing cards if you kill the cashier  done can i have the card split oh yes it's a rare   one too is that shiny or is it just because i'm  that pale jesus christ i was wondering i thought   the gunshots are just you know freaked out you'll  never catch me coppers it's my shiny playing card   okay i think i gunned down everyone so i guess  that's turg mountain that's the gym ring but i   don't have a car let's go to turtle mountain and  see what's up there okay i'm wait how do i get up   oh that's turgy mountain god dammit what a vast  open world it's so big but i'm just like running   from place to place oh wait a second turk mountain  could be any of these three mountains it said like   next to my house right now i gotta give  nocle the card to he's gonna be really   excited over this one it's a psa10 call  me kevin shiny am i the guy from the blue   song it's a very blue house thanks for getting  that to me there were no good cards in that   fact you know go to your room what okay i'm gonna  do what he says i'm afraid of that man oh oh oh   god damn it i need to do the other quests i  ended the game i'm shooting in the credits   alright you know what this might  be better so i can get my car back oh god damn music again one second  oh god the stereo just bled and it   continued playing no more pokemon cards for  you god damn it i picked up the car again oh okay i dropped it i also flipped it this  simulator is also accurate in the fact that i am   the strongest man in the world now this looks like  a turk mountain look at him he's burrowed his way   in through the mountain oh my god hey turn how you  feeling buddy you're okay over there jim must have   sent you here look at his face you can have the  crossback but before that i have a problem one of   my prisoners escaped into the cave system go get  it back dead or alive i like that i have to finish   every conversation with more like more ragnarok  okay he's in the cave system somewhere i'm just   gonna keep going right okay that didn't work i  think i'm actually going in a circle yeah okay   all right i'm gonna keep going left follow this  left wall and we should get there right about now   no it keeps going okay oh yes please i can't go  back no kevin i'm not going back there alive okay   i don't know why i didn't retrace my steps i  found it better to just run off in a random   direction okay why didn't i just follow the wall  i have no idea where i am i can't find my way out   i use such a genius strategy to find the  thing and then i was just like well i'm done   it just walked out like a dum-dum aha found it by  accident i knew it would work it only took three   times as long thanks no problem all right i got  the cross i can't resist shooting them all they   just fall so comically oh my car disappeared oh  wait no that was noble's care okay i'm fine with   that look how happy he is to be dead and have a  scar stolen ah tomatoes for jack excellent and   if the farmer comes out and says hey a rooney  in my livelihood i'll be like i only needed 10.   i'm taking the whole damn harvest i brought  you the tomatoes i don't understand are you   not happy with the tomatoes that i brought you oh  damn that's disappointing i walked back all this   way and apparently my tomatoes aren't good enough  for all jack spit icy where's the church oh yeah   how could i forget the one with the massive  cross on top thanks child kevin i put it in   the corner could you go see if it's okay up close  well you know what they say more like bor ragnarok   oh i don't want to do this yeah of  course i'm one of the prisoners now   what's the point in putting easels down here  if you don't feed him it defeats the purpose gotcha oh i got out oh my god i defeated  jim pickens oh no he's still moving run   okay so i need to do that i don't know how to get  jack his tomatoes i almost said potatoes bit of   an irish slip there i could try and do the chess  one again now that i'm like ready for it because i   need my card back to do the race okay grab the gun  shoot where the others oh god oh god oh god oh god   oh god oh no oh no i don't like this dude the way  they're all floating at me like that no no no no   no no no no no no no no no no no oh my god jesus  christ why do you all hate chess so much the ones   stand on the ground are just floating everywhere  i'm pretty sure i wasn't supposed to survive   this was i i don't know they're doing some weird  breakdance and i'm stuck oh wait that's because i   didn't say more like ragnarok yet so let me say  that oh oh my god oh i picked him up never mind   he just grew by sliding back they're all going to  transform into one giant chess mafia guy so do i   still get to play chess or no god damn it let me  tell you all this is just a normal day in the life   the amount of times i've just been minding my  own business and all of a sudden chess mafia guys   just spawn out of nowhere wait what the hell is  going on in here oh my god more chess mafia guys   oh little chess mafia guy you die now look how  happy she is well i think anyway it's hard to tell   i'm not in the mood for chess anymore all right  well then unfortunately you're in a weird room if   you have no intention of playing it's weird that  you're standing there and it's weird that you're   standing in a room full of only chess boards  remember to subscribe don't forget where do i   start this race i want to be a racist no a racer  racer just jumping through a ring of fire again   just something i do on a daily basis i'm pretty  cool like that so all the bodies across the river   okay you know what i'm gonna get that card for  no club and then i'm gonna go back and try and   get more tomatoes and then i'm gonna kill that  innocent civilian for some reason too so could i   just no i can can i just jump over you the card's  right there i want the card i just don't want to   deal with the police oh my god my hands are really  realistic they're just as pale as my actual hands   okay sorry dude i can't get around this any other  way i don't think he was even a cop he wasn't   shooting at me he might have just been a cosplayer  or something okay i got the card still no tomatoes   i can't just take these can i no god damn it wait  a second there's a farmer out here did he just   watch me steal all those tomatoes hello kevin  i've grown too many tomatoes so you can keep   every tomato you pick up oh that's nice of you  otherwise i would have just stolen them maybe it's   a power play by him he wants to seem like he's  in control he must have been like wait i thought   you were gonna take like i don't know maybe  a branch full or something to have like lunch   and i've taken an entire field i'm having a  field day if you will and just trying to be   accurate you know getting the true call me kevin  experience here just being an annoyance there   we go your field is barren so i guess jack just  didn't want to get involved with a criminal like   he would have been an accomplice in the great  tomato tent of 22. what the oh my god jesus christ   that scared me bro what was that okay so  apparently night is dangerous let me keep   my gun reloaded i thought i killed him honestly  the scariest part is now i have to walk all the   way back from the city again like that took me  long enough to get there i've got my eyes peeled   ready for gym oh there oh there he is there  is there oh my god is there nothing i can do   okay i can't say that i get chased by jim  pickens around the forest at night let's just   let's just say that's like ah a metaphor for my  mind overthinking things these are my negative   thoughts that keep following me no matter what  i do he's doing some weird gliding thing i'm   managing to avoid it for the most part but  like is he gonna follow me all the way home   i wouldn't even know what to do if like a dog  followed me all the way home what'll i do if   a fully grown man follows me to my house do i let  him inside i'm shooting him but i think it's just   making him angrier oh no it's 24 o'clock i gotta  get home jacksepticeye is going to be worried   oh nearly got me there i dodged all this time i'm  trying to just return to my house while shooting   and dodging this maniac oh jesus you almost  touched me the hell is that oh that was blood   never mind i thought there was like a volley of  arrows being shot at me i'm honestly gonna have   wild fever nightmares about this whole experience  imagine i'm looking out the window and just seeing   me approaching the house just shooting at an old  man as i do it okay now get stuck get stuck what   no dude i made it all the way home thanks for  getting to me god knuckles voice really carries   all the way from the basement oh now it's 25  o'clock this feels like grief for jesus all over   again this is fine you guys have been very nice  and i think what the hell is that that's jesus   oh my god oh no here's the bastard again you  know what i think you win dude i think you win   i think i need to reset to get those tomatoes  or should i just i should try and make it to   the room right so i get the complete screen  then those quests are officially finished   it just takes so long to get back especially  when i'm bobbing and weaving trying to escape   good old jim pickens here damn it i brought  him to the tomato fields hoping that he would   prefer tomatoes over me but i don't think so i  guess that's a compliment in a way i've never had   someone who preferred me over tomatoes before and  that's including people who don't like tomatoes oh   he can go through the house that's how he caught  me okay well you [ __ ] i'm going upstairs where   you can't get me and i'm going to bed yes four out  of five quests done all i got to do is that race well i topple the car i'm not even sure how it  just kind of happened luckily now that i know   the controls i can just pick the bloody thing up  i'm also going to grab some tomatoes on the way   because even though i completed the quest i never  actually handed it to him and you know i think   he's mad at me so i just want to make it up to  him oh oh you see this is how my car keeps getting   away from me it just kind of floats off quickly  just knock down the farmer okay he's actually   a statue that is just bolted to the floor kind of  handy i guess he doesn't need a scarecrow he's his   own scarecrow but not so handy when some hooligan  comes and steals all his tomatoes and he can't do   anything about it thankfully there's only one  of them in this little town that i'm going to   dub kevinton little kevinton it sounds like a  posh rapper would now be a good time to mention i   don't know how to break i only know how to break  the game apparently oh no oh no okay no okay no   well i can give you your tomatoes now  you don't want them do you once again i'm   walking into town can confirm my real life is  as frustrating as this all right so where's my   car where's my car here remember to subscribe  now everyone i have to be very careful i didn't   miss click and push the button to get into  the car and sink under the ground again this   is really hard because it feels like the  car is going to topple no matter what i do   like i'm going to take this corner as gingerly  as possible there we go lovely it's like i'm   doing my driving test not a circuit up and at  them yes did i beat his time yet i feel like   it'd be his time no no no no no no no no no no no  no no no no no please don't teleport me away yes what what wait who jumped out wait is that me oh  my god wait what is going on let's get a look at   that face everyone no not a look at that crotch  i think that's the best i can do i look like i'm   about to cry i think it's from my thumbnail  where i sang ring of fire why is the camera   still on the car oh yes can't confirm i also  have many outer body experiences every day jesus   christ in this world we're all the drift daddy  i can't actually stop myself from drifting okay   i'm here how do i beat your time okay i've spoken  to him now hopefully that has started the mission first turn yeah i top oh no i'm back here  in my outer body experience like there i go   i think that's a sign i think  that racetrack is cursed i must   return now to turg mountain subscribe bye for now

Channel: Call Me Kevin

Views: 530,897

Keywords: Call Me Kevin, Call Me, CallMeKevin, CallMe, funny, funny moments, comedy, lets play, gameplay, gaming, CallMeKevin Simulator, call me kevin simulator, life simulator, call me kevin girlfriend, jim pickens, anna chess, cmk simulator, simulator, simulation games, call me kevin sim, funny simulator games, simulator funny moments, simulator game, streamer simulator, youtuber simulator

Id: UZswSHXnhcA

Length: 17min 11sec (1031 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 19 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/Dapdude]

The mad lad did it. He played it.

[u/seidimeow]

I wanna play it on my channel but I'm concerned it'll get taken down as I am not kevin 🙆 unless kevin is royalty free? anyone know?

[u/Veraithy]

The developers should of had one of nikki's emails on the monitor at the start

[u/ser_antonii]

Imagine if Grognak the Destroyer was the final boss and you had to protect the town from being stomped on lmao