Breaking Generational Cycles

[Music] thank you hey it's your boy sir rod coming to you with today's episode of the sir rod Show podcast Today's Show we will discuss generational cycle Breakers I cannot possibly do this show without my trusty Dusty well I I got scolded let's talk about Dustin yeah I'm just trying to think of something else to call my trusty very opinionated co-host co-host just Tory yes we'll see the dusty part comes on you know when you have something on the shelf that you've had for a while and uh laughs I just was trying to see if you were paying attention so today's show we're going to talk about generational cycle Breakers and not generational curses because curses you tend to think of on a spiritual nature and then you know we're not talking that nature here on sir rod show we talk about common sense Common Sense approach we we don't have any problem with Academia we don't have any problem with religious perspectives but we're trying to bring back common sense so on our quest to bring back common sense I like to have conversations with our guests that also operate in the realm of Common Sense Today's Show we have a young lady who has as they oftentimes say got it out the mud pour yourself from your bootstraps now I don't know if she pulled herself up from her bootstraps because she may have had some help along the way but we're going to have a conversation with her to find out just how she broke those cycles that she experienced uh throughout her childhood and adulthood and things of that nature so without further Ado I'm not going to belabor the point I'm going to allow her to speak for herself so today's guests we have none other than drum roll please [Music] [Laughter] so we have Latonya Boykins and Latonya tell us who you are wow no she's not Latonya Boykins that's just the name honey there's more to this oh my God oh my gosh I am a mother I am a uh Trailblazer that's what I like to call myself because I'm always blazing some kind of Trail uh some good some bad but I'm definitely somebody that believes in I'm a doer if I had to give myself one word it would be doer I am definitely a doer now let's talk about this uh you are a mother wife girlfriend engaged Shaq and divorce what's the status because I don't want uh the serotologists that listened to the show to contact me telling me they want to holler if you're not available that part yes but don't block it let me read it first because I did I'll call her and tell her yeah so let's not talk about who you are today let's talk about who who you were and how did you become who you are to date because the show as you know we're talking about generational cycle Breakers so I want to know are you a generational cycle breaker in your own family in lineage um I I would definitely say yes I um it takes a while before you start to kind of see the titles and the things like that because for so you don't even know for me I didn't even know that's what I was doing I just knew that where I was wasn't where I wanted to stay well let's talk about where you were your childhood what did you work with a silver spoon did you grow up on the rough side of the tracks I mean who who was little Tanya oh wow who was a little Tanya she was a dreamer she was we grew up with uh my mom she she had struggled with her demons and alcohol and different things like that so I was in foster care uh we we dealt with a lot I grew up with not having anything I I truly grew up kind of lost lost in the system just kind of lost in life it's five of us have Two Brothers Well three brothers and one passed away and I have a sister and it's myself so my mom passed away when I was 16 years old and so when my mom passed away I kind of became a caretaker but at the time I didn't know that's what I was doing I just decided to be the one to lead my family and sometimes in that leadership role I failed and what age what what what place did you fall in the the five children my brother was the eldest his name was Dino David Jones rest his soul he passed away about four years ago four or five years ago um he passed away and I was next to the eldest okay so but you were the oldest girl I was the oldest girl my sister Kim is a year younger than myself and in our culture in African-American culture that means something being the old eldest girl you know a lot of times and a lot of families there's a lot of responsibility placed on that girl that might not be on the other girls would you absolutely do you find that to be accurate in your household oh gosh I feel like for me I was the one person that um I always think that someone has to Bear the pain and I was the person that I bear the pain in my mother's pain and it took a lot of years for me to understand what that meant because I kept thinking gosh why is she always so mean to me why is she always so hard on me and I I know now through therapy I know now that she saw a whole lot of herself um and she wanted a different outcome for me but I didn't understand that when you're growing up you know you know that's what I find funny when I hear people talk about so many kids nowadays can identify like the pain or their circumstances I don't know what I was going through right I didn't understand it right I was just living and and I and I and I think now when I look back I'm like wow she saw something in me that that I didn't unders I didn't see in myself so I don't look at it now if you ask me this 10 years ago I would have told you something different right but I know now that she was just trying the best she knew how to get me to be where I am today you know I oftentimes I tell people uh it's a hard truth to hear regardless of what circumstances you came up in your parents for the most part did the best that they knew how in that particular time it does not mean everything they did was right it does not mean that uh there was not room for improvement but with what they had their mental wherewithal their pain their drama or whatever they did the best they could at that time now of course hindsight is always 20 20. you can always you know Monday Morning Quarterback and say oh you should have done this and you should have done that of course you know but uh it's interesting as a parent you stayed at telling you were a parent I'm a parent as well as you know and when I talk to my adult children they tell me things that they had a problem with me and I'm like what what busting my behind to make sure and you're mad because you didn't get a Tonka truck at eight yeah after all I did for you you're still mad that made me almost not a good parent being able to even have lights are overrated okay well now you're doing yes yeah now you tell me I mean but there was some I'm sure Tanya along your way you know in parenting and I don't want to take the conversation too fast but would you agree that now you look back at your relationship with your children and you say there were some areas that you may have tried to overcompensate because of the the the struggles that you endured oh my goodness that's such a it's so profound to hear just that topic because for me I thought okay I ain't gonna beat y'all I ain't gonna talk to y'all any kind of way I'm gonna give you this kind of life I'm gonna give you that kind of life I'm gonna work real hard I'm going to be this person that I didn't see right and yet my daughter will be 31 in a few weeks and she told me so many things that I didn't get quite right I was like what what you talking about girl I didn't beat you she just would tell me things that shocked me she said mom your expectation was too high for me right right and I was like what about so I think sometimes that there like they say there is no book there is no book and we're trying so hard I tried so hard to Shield them from Pain and I began to cause them pain absolutely absolutely and me still think I was inflicting right because we don't know I didn't know it right we don't know what we don't know you know we think that there's if I don't do those things that were my story or my pain then my child would be fine we don't we don't open ourselves up to consider absolutely that we're just trading one pain out for another and so as you progress through uh your younger years teenagers in the early 20s you said you were always a dreamer when did you decide I'm getting ready to put the rubber to the road I'm gonna make some things happen was it a first child was it a an embarrassing moment what was that you know that aha moment it says okay I can be better than my current situation you know what I would go to school and that's why I would go to school and it would take me away from uh my day-to-day going home to just the drama the alcoholism the you know just just my life and so when I would go to school and see certain kids I was like oh my gosh they would speak a certain way they dressed a certain way so I became kind of engulfed in just kind of wow just kind of envying their lives and wishing like how can I have that right what what are they doing what are their parents doing that they get to come to school and they're happy what are their parents doing that they come to school and they're not hungry I remember like oh my God I want to know what it feels like not to be hungry and and so I I say that to say that even in that I learned a lesson uh as I started to mature and I started wanting to in Saint Pete I grew up in uh South St Pete rough area but I was like okay I I had thought I had all the answers so I was like I'm gonna go to the school that all the rich kids go to that's all I thought I thought Money Was Gonna Save Me wow I got to this uh school with all the rich kids oh they had a whole lot of different kind of problems I ran back over here wait a minute y'all let me go to the problems I know yeah you'd rather deal with the devil you know absolutely and the devil you don't don't know right so I was confused and that's when I realized though money ain't the answer right okay I didn't turn doing some stuff right right right they cursing that parents they smoking cigarettes absolutely really absolutely and you said you know what I'm accustomed to over here where uh LA sharique and Willie Earl are going at it let me go over here at least I know how long this this probably last about five minutes so we're good nobody get upset but over here I don't know what they're doing they're snorting coke and then shooting up and it's like well whoa wait what about so did you have anybody while you were growing up you stayed at your mother passed at 16 and then you went into the system did you have any family members friends or someone to step up say hey okay we'll take them uh that you attribute their contribution to who you are today my grandmother Annie and I I if I if I talk about my grandma I get a little emotional and that emotion is coming from living my grandmother would always say keep living and I've been I've been living and so when the system when my mom died and I remember and that's why I say childhood trauma if you don't deal with it it'll deal with you I remember we she passed let me interrupt you here was Miss Annie your maternal or paternal grandmother maternal okay okay she had a very bad relationship with my mom and so they had their issues but when my grandmother she had raised nine kids on her own and when my mom passed away I remember us I still cries that I've never heard to this day uh she went across the street to her girlfriend's house As the World Turns was on she said wake me up at three o'clock when the kids coming home her girlfriend went to wake her up and she had passed away and so my brothers and I and I remember you know coming home from school I was at a friend's house I rushed home and I remember going up those stairs and it was so painful and in that moment my brothers were screaming just tears screams I've never heard before still to this day and I remember thinking what are we gonna eat how wavy has to eat baby needs this I gotta make sure Dino is good I gotta make sure Kim is good so I immediately I've been living my whole life up until a few years ago as that 16 year old girl that just wants to fix it so then my grandmother stepped again that's when she came in she came in okay everybody told her to let us go they they were so I think what fueled me all what gave me the the tenacity I guess to keep going was Hearing in the kitchen everybody walked through that door said and they don't get them kids you can't take care of five kids woman and and I know now that they didn't mean any harm to us but I remember those voices so I wanted to prove so bad to everyone that counted us out that I could do it so I hurt myself along the way trying to prove and then I changed it and now I just want to be the proof that it can be done I don't have anything to prove but that propelled me kept I just got to show them they think their kids better than us oh no I I so I had anger right I was very angry so that that filled you that that fueled you now how long your grandmother how long how old were you when your grandmother passed she passed in 2013. what is that yeah so I guess I was 40. okay okay okay yeah because uh Tanya for those that don't know and as a classic 1973 model myself I wanted to tell you that she's also a classic and so yes I am uh in a few months she will also celebrate the momentous 50. hello somebody yeah yeah yeah yeah so it doesn't can't wait yo I tell you you know whoa It's the most free most beautiful moment oh my God I thought 40 was something oh no no no no no no no no no no no no 50 oh it's different oh it's real different it's it's real different now because uh it's just it's just you know what they say my give a damn gave I gave out a long time ago yeah yes it really did and so now when your grandmother can't step into your life and she began did your grandmother pour into you or did you just internalize what you were going through to say I'm going to be better or did your grandmother pull you to the side and said baby I love you I see so much in you you know how did that what was that interaction between the two of you alike because I know you uh attribute a lot of who you are to her and she froze there she goes yeah there we go there we go the little freezing freezing okay this year did you hear the question no say that again I'm sorry so you said that your grandmother you attribute your grandmother with uh being influential in your life so my question to you is it because she pushed it aside and said hey baby I see something in you you can be you know anything you want to be I love you I'm here for you because I know you stated she was a woman of modest means so it wasn't monetary but did she pour into you uh emotionally I don't even think that it was uh emotionally for me I think for me because when I look at my grandmother she's never said the words I love you my grandmother was the first person to show me that love was a verb it was action that's right she didn't know how to say I love you love was in the bacon love was in the harsh criticism love was in the baby go lay down rest my grandma gave me rest and for me I had never felt that I was in a very chaotic environment with my mom it was different men coming in we all have different fathers it was and not to take anything away from her because in death I learned to really fall in love with my mom so I'm not saying anything to take away but my mother's house was chaos my grandma showed me hard work she didn't know how to drive but she never missed a day of work she cooked her house was clean her words were sharp and I knew behind those words was somebody that cared so love looks different to everyone it's so funny and it's ironic that the person that never said I love you showed me the most love um so now when you were a child when you were 16 with your grandmother and what did success look like to you what did you think that being successful would look like if I get my first apartment if I get my first car what was success to 16 year old Tanya success for me was having clean underwear I'm being totally honest right you know you invited me to your show I got to tell true come on with it all come on come on because this is going to free up somebody because somebody right now is looking at what they're dealing with today and they look at how my family is because for the most part generational Cycles are based off of who you were where you come from and who you are based off of the things your adults you see from your parents because when you get grown you tend to do those things that you saw until you get older you you know you learn more and you say you know what I don't like that behavior or I don't want to do such and such you know they used to say My grandmother used to say uh chew up the meat and spit out the bones and so you know I learned that certain things that my mother or my grandmother may have did it done yeah I hadn't did may have done that I didn't like so I said okay I'm not going to do that but everything that they taught it was not wrong you know I think in today's times that we try to get away from so much of what they taught us but a lot of what they said and even to your point Tanya with that sharp tongue because my grandmother could oh she was quick wit and she didn't cut you down and slice you from you know too short to you know at any given time but if you realize as you said Tanya it was based out of love she wanted you to be your best self so she would go she would uh risk the fact or risk the chance of hurting your feelings so that you didn't go out in the public and they hurt your feelings absolutely so Tanya when you decided okay I'm gonna go above my current situation what was the first step that you took to say okay I'm going to break this cycle of poverty over my life the first step was just me looking at my surroundings and saying that I I didn't and no not to the girls that I grew up with was my Association I I didn't hang out with a lot of girls that grew up the way I did I felt like what we gonna show each other just how to be poor I said I got to get over here and be around some people I learned that early on right like girl please I don't want to hear this I need it to be around people that I could learn from so throughout my life I've always went to places and sought out people that I could learn something from and I think that has been yes that was the biggest thing that I wasn't sitting around just waiting I was I was a little fast guy too don't get me wrong child you're with Jenny from the block now wait a minute now wait a minute now let me let's listen so there was a there was some uh the living going going on you haven't just got the 50 just on the slow easy training yeah grandma say baby calm down you know what you know honestly I always thought I was all that okay I think that there was something about thinking that I was all that that made me become that have mercy that's what I thought I was I became that's right so for me they used to laugh at me because they said can I go sit your little Poe ass down I said okay okay let me show y'all some and let me go pull Let Me Go full that's what that's right so I've always kind of thought that I was all that and when I see girls now I I look at no matter what I was the poorest person in the neighborhood but I had the biggest ego man the biggest confidence and sometimes they call it manifestation or dream anymore I had already seen who I could I I closed my eyes I didn't see and and people don't close their eyes anymore they're too busy looking on the internet at somebody else hearing somebody else oh come on I didn't do that come on to do we didn't have it to do and then and the rate the rearing that we received back then was sweep around your own front door you worrying about the Joneses don't try and keep up the Joneses because the Joneses don't matter if you're not going to do what the Joneses do to get what they have or you're not going to do what it takes to keep what they have right and so when you were coming up and you're in your 20s and you're feeling all of that you know what I'm saying and Luke Skywalker you know you pop the coochie and everything was out of you you got to drive it there once was a little boy named sir rod and let me tell you something now he was on the scene baby okay all right all right so I gotta tell you what happened in the 90s I can tell you about that on the late 80s in the early 90s oh my Charlie when I write the book I'm not gonna talk about it now because I'm gonna write the book and so I'm not gonna name things I'm gonna change names and hopefully I can change that means enough to where they won't know I'm really talking about them but now I'm gonna try and change the names in a few little details you know what I mean she didn't have one shirt a lot of yeah she didn't have on a pink shirt she had on a green shirt you know what I mean kind of deal so now Tanya today when you sit and you look at man I made it from Pinellas County to whatever County you're in now you know what does that look like to you how do you take all of that in because we haven't even talked about who you are today and I'm building up to that I don't want to jump to that because I want people to realize that you can have a struggle it's not where you started it's how you end a thing but I wanted to I wanted to talk to Tanya about how do you get there what's your steps along the way because no doubt time you've made mistakes correct oh my gosh and I still make mistakes right so what is somebody what do you when you look back if you and you said to yourself in my 20s if I had done or maybe younger if I had done this diff if I could redo this one thing I would redo it what is that what is one of those things that you think about I wish I hadn't placed love so high on what I felt I needed the love of a man um I missed a lot of good years to me if I'm just being completely transparent and honest I missed a lot of good years right being good to people uh or thinking that I couldn't stand by myself so for me every decision I've made everything I've ever done I was just like okay the missing piece is always going to be a man and so I fought so hard for love that at times I didn't fight for me gotcha and so I put love if I could do over do you hear the do you hear the the the the uh the contrast in I thought I was all of that but then at the same time you needed a man to validate you or qualify yeah because you know what that that's a lot of people's story they feel like you know in a part in a part oh I I like me I look in the mirror I love me but in that small little corner of that heart they say yeah but if I could just get this relationship and I think and I tell 20 orders now don't spend that time trying to be in a relationship I'm not one of the worst advice I heard some I was uh listening to someone give some advice to a college student the other week and they said to to a girl find your mate before you leave College yeah because once you leave College it would you've heard that before oh yeah I heard I almost fell out the barber chair I said wait a minute they weren't even talking to me they weren't even talking to me but you're mad oh my gosh I immediately wanted to pull out the microphone say listen can I do an episode of the sir wash show right now and tell you can we just talk about this right now I had my barber I was like swing me around I said listen that's what they tell us when we go to college but but there's so much more to life you have nothing to give to a relationship in your 20s you have nothing to give you yeah nothing but the person who's telling you was well that told me that they didn't go to college right that's what I'm saying but then please turn that down we're alive that so that thinking is that you need a man they're thinking that way so they're like oh if you didn't find one yet and you're going to school make sure you find it then you should find one yeah and you better do it before you go to school because then if you're not you better go find one at the job they said to her you because then you were outclass him and you may lessen your opportunities for me but but there's so much to life you can travel you can get to know who you are 20s really should be yourself for shears they really should yes you should not be stuck on anybody's relationship and if you think you can't find a man if you start being selfish to yourself well guess what you're not going to find a quality one no that if you're not selfish men are being selfish absolutely absolutely and and they'll say the standard that women won't bet on their self a man accept his standard and his standard could be totally he could have five children but guess what he'll say I'm not dating a woman with children because he's been on himself he still feels like he's a star you know and so now Tanya when you were in your 20s and you said you know hey I'm I'm you wasted a lot of time on trying to have that perfect young Restless or you know yeah it's a situation going on what how are you moving professionally were you aggressed were you progressing professionally at that time you know what's so funny is that everything I ever did uh I didn't realize that was leading me up to who I am today because I I went tried to go away to college and when I had my I had a daughter my daughter at 19 and again I was chasing love and trying to always do things with another person and not solely on myself so I think at that point in my life I would get jobs and they would always tell me how good I was like immediately I remember being 25 years old I got a job at Chase and they immediately within three months they promoted me to a supervisor here I am no degree um young mother and so I kept my grandmother I remember going to my grandmother's house and she said girl when you start seeing what them white folks see you gonna be somebody and and I didn't get it because she was saying to me she you know they would give me I'm never got you know I'm not going to dismiss it but they never gave me the whole loaf they just gave me some crumbs and I was happy because sometimes when you've been eating off the floor somebody was all right well your life the prom tastes good yeah right so I would get promoted so quickly and and I remember them saying your work ethic is insane and I was like okay I might have something here I'm the first one there I'm the last one to go I'm working I'm working I remember I they gave me 38 000 oh you had made it then on that whoa I thought I made it I let somebody tell me what I was worth gotcha so I always did good in Corporate America gotcha but they created the ceiling for me they said okay you right here baby girl and yes and for a while I thought I was now were you always uh good did you always handle money well I noticed you said you worked at Chase where you always you know when you were fine Tanya you know you had it going on and all that good stuff did you just know how to manage money did you is that what you were doing at Chase now I was a customer service manager and Auto Finance in the collection area but no to to oh you're the repo girl I was a repo girl she probably used her Grandmama she probably used her her grandma was quick quick you know cut back that team don't call some people yeah okay I'm coming to get you I don't know you talking about future I was I was collecting on them no I I did not know how to handle money I remember them giving me a credit card to Spiegel I might be telling my age oh wow they gave me a credit card to spiel and when the bill came I said what is this I don't got confidence and sheets and I brought my grandma all kind of stuff I said what's this honestly right I had no clue what that was so how did you learn about credit when I wanted to go get a car I thought I was supposed to put it in somebody's name and I remember calling my aunt and I was like oh I need you to put this car in my name and she was like oh man and when they ran my credit they said my credit was bad and I said what do you mean and that's when they said well you ain't pay this bill you ain't pay that bill and I was in there sobbing crying the repo lady the reaper I didn't know what I was doing and again she got a bill and didn't know she didn't know what yeah I didn't know what it was but you have the dancing to call my phone don't call my phone about my car yeah I didn't even know what I was doing at least I could get a car you talking about a speaker and a supervisor took me under his swing named Chris pratty and he used to just educate me but I was teachable and I was trainable that's a nugget that's a nugget I'm teachable that was that was that that that's very I was teachable yeah that's very important because you know ain't Ben can't tell want to go how to get there you know yes you've got to listen to someone who's been there so that was good that you were able to hear and so then you then you began to uh grow in in your credit then I started paying my bills on time I started and so just imagine I thought I was all that baby when I started getting and understanding this credit and this money and this things like that whatever so I was Unstoppable then and so now let's let's go into now we're going to slide over into the 30s okay and so now in your 30s now are you you've got your credit game together credit was credit was good in the 30s in Corporate America working in Corporate America hanging out on the weekends things things start looking up things were looking up got you and so now when did you today you you you have amassed what professionally oh wow right now today my husband and I own uh somebody it's so funny somebody told us we were developers I just don't even put titles on stuff uh my husband and I have I guess that construction company we build new construction homes I um we own nine properties yeah yeah no no no no no no no no no no no wait a minute yeah go ahead I have uh four assistant living facilities named after my grandmother wait a minute wait a minute I do uh seminars now teaching others about credit I have everything I'm now I'm finally what my grandma kept saying what you doing boy get out of here she's sanctioned back look that she's approved by her husband that's her husband there yeah yeah I'm now um walking in my purpose so to speak I love it and so now let's go back to this not knowing I'm a development oh no no no no no no no no I'm gonna make a walk today I'm gonna make her walk her down because see she's so she's so modest yeah she's so modest and all that crap yeah we want to know the real deal here let's get to the real deal yeah so now when you said a developer this is this is what I want you to hear just Tory because see Tanya is trying to remember that's fine I'll do it for you I'm sir rod I don't have a problem saying what needs to be said so now all right here's the deal how many homes have you and your husband built from the ground up we're probably in four years on uh house number 25. but you don't know if you're a developer see that's what I'm talking about okay so you just want to talk about so now happy number 27. so now let's go back on to something else she said yeah I know yeah then we talk about manifestation that's right now let's go on to this as well now when you say my husband and I have a I guess a construction company you're what you said I guess yeah I guess that's when they call it I mean you know we we build the houses kind of like like some type of pie yeah yeah we just taught each other yeah yeah it's just call it up you could call it a podcast you know we're International you know you can see us anywhere but it's it's kind of a little podcast yeah I do seminars on credit when I couldn't get it my change was strange and my my ends wouldn't even wave at each other now all of a sudden they're overlapping okay they call this growth they call this growth but now not only that let's let's walk it slow so now the grace and favor which is not fair so now let me ask you this so we didn't hear about when you all went to school when you went to school to be a developer so how did that come about oh there was no school we um pause for the cause people pause for the cause so don't tell me nothing about oh I haven't been to college save that if you want it you can make it happen so absolutely okay tell us about your so-called development developer look what had happened was yeah husband uh when he came home from prison in 2007. so he went to prison you hear that people I just want to highlight all these excuses that people use in our culture I have a record I don't have any money I don't have any education I had a baby I grew up uh rough I grew up poor all of these that we talked about untouched on all these here so far okay all right carry on yeah uh when he came home and I think it was 2011. he left in 2007. we weren't married at the time we uh he came home and a friend of ours told us about property preservation work working with banks on foreclosures and so at the time my husband was like oh of course we were like we didn't even know what it was we just he he was doing it and so yeah that we own a home there yes yes I did and they said um you can be a uh I just I was doing stuff and didn't even know what I was doing we bought our first house and I purchased my first home in 20 at what 25. I didn't have a mom or dad so everybody else was trying to buy cars I was like I bought a house so sometimes when you don't even know what you're doing you just got to be doing something right so I I didn't know what that meant but when he came home and we started this business working um uh with the banks on foreclosures we started doing that and then we didn't know you know we were some fools with a whole lot of money and it left every dime almost and things got crazy and we decided that we were going to do some things we were going to do some things a little bit different and the only thing that we had never done together was pray and it got so bad that we thought okay we don't put everybody in this but God my God yes we done yeah everybody else on use this but him so once that money left us and the relationship and we were on really just some tough times and we were just like going we didn't know what we were doing with each other and it was real bad and we decided that we were going to stick it out and we went to the courthouse and said we're going to get married we got to put God in our Union and whatever else we do we're going to add him to this mix now when you got married how long had you been together when you got married oh about 20 years now see I'm telling you this this woman has more gems than than Jared Jewelers okay this is why I am this is why she's Our Guest because she understands life she has walked it and so when I want our listeners to understand stop using excuses live life it can be challenging you know but she's proof you can get lemons sell the lemons and still make lemonades absolutely we ain't even got the lemonade yet so okay so you sell so you uh and that that then we decided to get married did all that stuff and then the business went bust and then we got married let me stop you real quick so you're telling me you were going through some hard times you say the money went fast we were there for everyone and at that moment y'all said this is the perfect time to get married right is that what I'm hearing we really had separated the year prior we was going through it real bad and we just decided to fight for us and and stick it out that's why I wanted to hear yeah we we went through it and we decided to be honest with our children about who we were what we had experienced together and one day he said I'm not I'm not living another day not being married we were in the we were in the truck headed to work and he said no we ain't doing this no romantic yeah we had our work clothes yeah and he said we're going to get married and that's what we did and we didn't have a wedding okay yeah you said okay I'm on lunch or before we hit our bottom both of us and and when you hit that bottom you is gonna make you or break you as they say and so for us we were like okay I told him look we're getting ready to build some houses and the thing about you you got to be equally yoked in the sense of when I said that he didn't say what you mean Bill house girl get out of here we ain't doing that yeah he came home two days later and said I saw some Lots um huh I saw six slots that's what he said and I was like okay so we saw those a lot and I said we got to find somebody to teach us how to do this and we unfortunately we tried to talk to a few people and he said I met a I met a guy named a Spanish guy named Willie in Home Depot and I just started laughing boy get out of here he called him he called Willie And Willie showed up really Earl yeah you never know how will it gonna come that's right and Willie showed us the first house he showed us how to do it step by step and then Willie got greedy and really that's why I say sometimes you it's you know he got a little greedy with the second because we did so well that he said okay I'm gonna raise the price and we said when uh-uh there's another nugget and we said nah they were willing to pay for their knowledge when will it came on board they a winner based off of what time you just said there had to be some terms and they agreed to them so sometimes you're gonna have to invest in your own uh growth but now let me let me back up for a second when you stated that you you said you know we're going to build houses did you have where did you where did that come from Tanya where did you have that mindset we had worked on um we had worked on work with the banks on foreclosures and all that so we kind of knew about our house but my husband had a friend named Ron who worked a job and was building houses and I was like and Ron wasn't a contractor and then I just kept hearing that voice where my grandma would say you can be a copycat you just gotta copy the right cat and I was like if Ron can have a full-time job and build houses on the side shoot we can do it too we kind of call Ron and he just you got to listen to people who he was positive he was like oh yeah you just got to find the right person to walk you through it and Ron wasn't a contractor and I thought okay so you got to be crazy enough to think you can do something now did your did your did you have did you have all the money you would need to do it oh gosh no we didn't even know what we was going to get the money from when you determined when you determined child of money you're gonna just be like okay it's gonna come I had credit cards so we we started using some credit cards we had a little cash saved because you were paying those bills then yes my grandmother would always say God takes care of babies and fools that's right so we were foolish but we were foolish enough to believe that we could do it right now let me ask you this when you started what would you say your net worth was when you started negative a hundred and fifty thousand negative 150 000. gotcha okay see I just want to be I you know the siren show we believe in being real right yeah negative 150. you can't help somebody if everything like to your point Tanya if they're looking at the image you put on uh Instagram see that's that's what you want out there that's the image we're portraying but you don't realize what happened before they took that picture you know uh because today's net worth is different than the negative uh 150. yes and so now when you built that first one was it like well you said he got greedy on the second one so did you have to cut Willie out and go get someone else or did you know enough to go on your own yes we but what we did is we wanted to stay connected to Willie we just because he we still Credit Union it was useful we still credited him with what he did for us and to this day we will forever be grateful absolutely so we said Willie we need you on our team you just can't lead us no more right so really and we still do business with Willie now he does our brick work gotcha so I I mean most people he works for me I'm just gonna keep pulling these nuggets out every time I see what I'm gonna snatch one out there nugget see I can still do business with you I don't have to cut you off I don't see this cancel culture we live in nowadays everybody's got a cancer but you could because my girl would say look Tanya this is the Grandmama show because my grandma would say uh you cut your nose off to spice your face you know we weren't canceling Willie because he had done too much good for us right that even his greed didn't matter to us because Willie told showed us we could right and sometimes when somebody show you something we just held on to that we like we were like okay we can't get it this way but what it did is his if he doesn't get greedy we don't my husband doesn't become a general contractor so we needed that uncomfortable that greed and we had to split the money with Willie so that's okay we like Willie made some money and we made some money and so that's what pushed us to say okay we're gonna my husband gonna go become a general contractor and today he's the general general contractor and that's how that all happened and the rest was okay now we got the houses we we starting to get our mojo and then I said I wasn't still fulfilled because there was still a piece of the puzzle that was missing I needed a purpose and all I knew how to do was care for other people and then I had another crazy idea one morning as I'm gonna open up an assisted living facility and call it Annie's assisted living facility and I did that never worked in the medical field day in my life never none of that always thought well I used to think I can't do that because I don't want to clean and that day I said I've taken a lot of and so I opened one in 2020 during the pandemic when they told me not to in in 2022 I bought three more and today I have four four assisted living facility and after I have a purpose now for those that don't uh has have a grasp on the assisted living facilities just without uh yeah just tell us a month just in one month what could a a fully staffed fully staff far as client patients go uh what would what does that bill a month what does that bring in a month oh wow um my residence let's say the residence I'll give you guys I just we we open I hope more I see you I want more CNAs I want more home health people to understand their their possibilities that are out here I each resident pays 5 000 a month uh times that by six that's thirty thousand I spend 10 12. you can walk away with upwards of eleven twelve thousand dollars a month with an assisted living facility and so one thing about me is I was doing one and I'm a numbers person I'm just gonna keep doing this and so I just said I'll do it four more times you didn't just tell you right then see Tanya was fast in her 20s yeah she's got that money right now so if she saw bro with some bread she knew all right oh okay I know so go ahead no I heard something different I know people heard you know what you said but I was here when she heard what you said I heard what you said so you know she said I've always been the numbers person I get it so but this is purpose this is each facility is I did a 2.4 million dollar deal with May 1st Bank um they had not done a deal with assisted living facilities and so that's why I said you got to put God in it because then then alignment starts to happen and and so I started putting him in and praying and it just kept and so it's just this alignment this thing that just happens that I can't even put into words but I was putting in the work that was one of the hardest years of my life doing the first facility I was like whoa and it wasn't the residence oddly enough that's the easy part it's easy to love on people that you don't even smell that I just want to take care of them right I want to make sure they stay they keep their dignity I love all that the hard part was Staffing and the issues and the and so that's always gonna that's an ongoing battle whether your children work in the business it's so funny yes Bree now my daughter will be 31 uh June 6. Bree is now one of my facility coordinators my niece Shea she's a facility coordinator they kind of handle and help me run everything so it has it it is doing phenomenal we now and also do I just doubt I'm now I did my first Airbnb I'm getting my second one so I'm doing everything here we go here we go I guess they call us a developer I don't really know you know we do a little I do a little something where I have uh what's this little thing called like a little meeting or whatever so these what I'm hearing are multiple streams of income but you call it the lip you know you don't really know what it is I can appreciate that the modesty you know but the truth is set you free and so now with the Airbnb how did you did you buy separate property for that or how did you what made you go into that well you know what's so funny is that it's the first property that we ever purchased in 1998 we decided we already always rented it out and we thought okay let's kind of dabble in that so April 23rd we rehabbed it and then we did our first Airbnb we had our first Airbnb guests we were booked every weekend in May unbooked every day in June and I'm now filling up July come on now okay come on now come on now and so now let me ask you this Tony let's go back to that 2.4 million not every weekend but every day she said every day you heard it yeah you heard it you heard it the other day yeah you heard it you heard it and then in July 31 hello hello somebody so now let's ask this question let me ask you this question when you close a deal for 2.4 million dollars okay now what did you feel in that moment when you signed that final paper oh wow that's a goal I've felt all the the pain of of that little girl I felt that finally I'm no longer proving I'm the proof that I can change things for my family I felt these people are taking me serious now I felt that for every young undigreed motherless fatherless molested abused abandoned person girl this is for us Brown this is brown this is for us believing manifesting and knowing that forget the seats at the table we own buildings we all we we climbing walls I felt this whole I couldn't breathe but it was it was it was surreal it was the same location where I went to do the signing at 10 years old I used to sell avocados on the street with my uncle and we used to say avocados and in that moment this was exact same location where the bank is now in South Saint Pete wow you put damn I'm selling avocados begging white folks for money and now I'm signing 2.4 million dollar deals and so it just showed me that God is real believing is real not being a victim being a Victor is what I I that's why I guess sometimes I don't even put a title to what I have or who I am I'm just gonna do what my grandma said I'm just gonna keep on living keep on living so let me ask you this before we uh I'm a couple of other one other questions how have you dealt with uh because you said you change the trajectory of the family how have you done because you're one out of five and we know one brother passed how have you handled being the rich Unity because you know that comes with its own challenge in itself when everybody has a need and they expect you to cover it because they look and see oh you're living good so hey I know you ought to be able to cover it well you know what's so funny because I've read Trevor Noah's book and we call it this thing is called the black tax that when you're the one that makes it there's this tax that happens to you so for me how I've dealt with that is I forgive everybody because at first I was mad I felt like okay I have a special needs brother who's been with me for about 14 years I care for him um my brother right now he's not doing well my other brother passed away my sister's been on dialysis 25 years 24 years um I now just love everyone as far as I stopped being mad I was angry I felt gosh I'm the go-to person for everybody that I can't go to right why y'all ain't giving helping me why nobody ain't calling me and then I realized that God chose me so when I start seeing it like that and now I feel like he knew that I would be the one to carry that baton so I'm not mad anymore but I was mad it was a period of my life I was angry I felt like I'm just the money person for everybody I'm just oh everybody just call me for money now I don't feel that anymore because I'm healing and I'm healing but that doesn't mean you always strike every check every time they ask someone either oh hell no don't get it twisted no I just want that to go record I want that on record yeah because I don't want them to think oh oh no it's him so much he's opening up her wallet when you start saying when you start healing no goes hand in hand with that and it's almost I don't feel mad I just be like oh no I can't do that and I keep on going call me tomorrow if you want to talk about anything else though yeah yeah so how did you give back how did you give back to the the young tanyas of today oh wow I'm always it sounds crazy but I'm always helping uh people if someone calls me information I'm always and I give back by just telling my story I used to be ashamed of it but I'm always giving back by saying to come out yes it's coming every time I hear somebody the most freeing thing that ever happened to me was one day I wrote a post about something traumatic that happened to me being molested and I just got I put that in the universe on social media and the response I got back [Music] like you and I was like what and that's when I realized just giving my story giving my time and helping people because when somebody looks at me and they think that it's been this and it's been that and then when I say oh no because I don't feel sorry for myself so I'm always giving them this truth and there are some people that I have been assigned to that just by me telling them this happened to me just by me showing them that I don't have a degree I had this I had that the daughter of my father was my baby daddy he got killed and then so every time I smile despite all those things I'm giving hope to somebody else right right and that's what I'm hoping to accomplish by anything that I do as well as she has created two uh phenomenal young ladies and [Music] um the baby girl is kicking butt up at FSU and uh you know and I say that because people will look at their current situation might be a single mother with a child they don't see how this thing could possibly play out yeah okay but we're talking about somebody who's had just about all the life challenges you can have and then so and then some now here's here's here's here's the thing your net worth today is what uh-oh it's so funny I didn't know the answer to that either until the bank told me that I I my net worth was 2.3 million I was like what I didn't even know I don't keep up with that I just keep working you'll see you're saying went from negative Started From The Bottom yeah and now we're here okay negative 150 000 five years ago okay five five that's the number between four and six we don't want you to be confused now I think she's gonna say like 20 years no no no no no no that's perseverance that's going even when you don't see a win in sight because I know that she did not see every day a winner you know and even now sometimes you know because I do follow her on social media so I know that there are days she struggles now just get up out the bed we're not talking about somebody who doesn't have you know she's not worried about her light bill now but so those people that are struggling in their day-to-day life just keep living maybe just keep putting one foot in front of the other keep trying you know I often times with this show uh have the sir rodology and my serotology would be keep pushing keep living you see today you don't know what tomorrow holds but you have to be confident in Who Holds Tomorrow and keep moving forward just keep doing the right thing and in time the right thing will continue to manifest and you'll look up and you'll be your own Latonya Boykins hello somebody hello okay say you do some credit building what is what credit someone talk about the seminar yeah because we didn't but she has so much going on she didn't talk about that let's talk about let's hear about the uh you know the the little seminars you do for credit well we we did it was kind of credit and it was a real estate seminar and just sharing with people that the biggest thing is just kind of something that most people kind of figure out just living within your means not maxing out your credit cards not doing that kind of thing so I'm always trying to teach people that that even when you have it if you just got to live within your means you got to save you can't be maxing out credit cards and all that kind of stuff so I'm always trying to help people stay on the straight narrow with credit because I couldn't do any of this stuff if I didn't have good credit what if what if the person has credit cards like you and wants to start a business and they decide I'm going to use my credit card to get the business going because time and you know what there's a different way that was Tanya that didn't know now I would say okay let me show you how to get you some business credit let me but you got to straighten up your personal credit I just didn't know I told you all I was in school and so now that I know the right way or some different ways I would tell that person to do it a little bit different than I did okay gotcha okay so now we're gonna wait for the book to come out we're gonna wait for the next seminar we appreciate you for being a surroundologist we ask that you keep your phone on and be ready to take our call to come back on the show yes anytime you need the siraj show if you need to promote something if you want to come on and talk about a conversation come on your family absolutely thank you I love this I pray that people um see me as the proof yes I like that yes yes and I love that you give back by sharing your story because what you go through or what you went through was for someone else's benefit it really it really is and you know if we can keep that in mind then we can go through a little better when you realize this is going to help somebody along the way doesn't feel good in the time at the time there's a lot of stuff you wish you could uh you know pass off to somebody that's what can can you let this go by me and give me something else give me the the the the one down the next level the lower one but I thank you and again thank you all for tuning in to the sir rod show thank you thank you just Tory I appreciate it he can't play cards either thanks guys thank you [Music] laughs

Channel: The Sir Rod Show

Views: 366

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Id: DbxlqkfxQOg

Length: 65min 7sec (3907 seconds)

Published: Sun May 28 2023