BPD & Favourite Person (explained by someone with bpd)

yo yo yo what is up guys in today's video i'm going to be talking about bpd and favorite person now if you like these videos feel free to hit the subscribe button we're almost at 6k which is absolutely fantastic feel free to drop me a comment down below uh asking me about the next video what you would like to see feel free to smash that like button bpd and favorite person what is a favorite person with bpd i mean obviously everybody has a favorite person in their life but what is it in correlation with bpd so i've got it here i've got a website called medium.com it's not the usual very well mind but here we go the infamous favorite person the person that someone with borderline personality disorder filters their world view around the source of comfort that everything take one glance across bpd forums and you will find countless posts devoted to the favorite person also known as fp your favorite person could be anyone a relative a parent best friend lover it could even be someone that you've just met the difference between having a best friend and a favorite person especially for someone with borderline personality disorder is the intensity and obsessive thoughts that surround that favorite person now take a quick break i've got a tattoo on my chest i don't know if you can see that but it says in the kingdom of passion the ruler is obsession take no now a relationship with a favorite person can be healthy but first let's go through the most toxic relationships with the favorite person unfortunately us living with bpd have a tendency to push away the person that we see as our favorite person especially because we feel such an intense fear of abandonment now this lines up perfectly with how i am as a person so my experience of favorite person i would say currently my favorite person at the moment is my girlfriend and i think she's very aware of that now the biggest problem with favorite person is this big switch it's almost like splitting in a sense where you idealize this person you don't you can't take them down from their throne you know you think they are the best person in the world so when they do anything to counteract that if they do something to upset you if they dishearten you in any way it can very quickly switch completely on its head and i can say from my own personal experiences i have had feelings of this and it almost feels not uncontrollable but very overwhelming and consuming when these things happen you feel like you have to act on those emotions straight away which i would highly advise against because when the favorite person gets flipped on its head and you then start to detest them that can again very quickly switch on its head again and they will become back to your favorite person i would say don't act on those feelings of a fear of abandonment do your best to sit through them and and think through them and be calm and and cautious and careful because what you actually don't want to do is end up pushing away your favorite person and then causing damages especially if it's with a best friend partner family member it could be very very very um tragic so what is favorite person when you have borderline personality disorder when you have borderline personality disorder your favorite person is the person that you're emotionally dependent on there is a constant fear that this person is going to leave your life and you devote the majority of your time and day to the needs of the person there is a great comparison that when you have borderline personality disorder you are like a puppy that doesn't want it to leave the favorite person is the owner that you are begging to stay when they leave even though you are a lot you logically know they are going to come back you destroy everything and throw a tantrum then when the favorite person returns you act like nothing happened in an extreme and often toxic case of being with a favorite person this is a pretty classic example other examples of what it's like having a favorite person whilst having border personality disorder feeling a surge of jealousy when the favorite person spends time with another person or compliments another person changing your thoughts or opinions to match your favorite person's thoughts and opinions switching between idealizing the favorite person and devaluing the favorite person in a matter of seconds again take note of that one mentally creating a fantastical world where you are connected to your favorite person though it may not be realistic needing a constant supply of attention from the favorite person and going through what feels like withdrawal when your favorite person isn't there having a favorite person is intense especially when you have borderline personality disorder now lots to look at through this paragraph that i've just read here the the bit that stands out the most to me initially there is a constant fear that this person is going to leave your life and you devote the majority of your time and day to the needs of this person that is so so accurate and you need to be very careful with that because actually what you do is because they are your favorite person you're trying to constantly feed into their happiness which is feeding into your happiness you will start putting them before yourself and if this favorite person doesn't necessarily realize the needs of you you can constantly be working after them and we're not working for them but you know what i mean you know chasing after them and it can become very tiring and you can be putting their emotions before your own and you can become very drained and lethargic very quickly so be careful about working to their every need be mindful to put yourself first so that you can approach them in a better more happy positive mood in my my own uh experience of this favorite person like i said my favorite person is my girlfriend i also have a condition called rem sleep disorder which i don't know if you guys know about but if you don't i'll leave a link up here but remember sleep disorder basically means that i dream a lot and a lot of my dreams are nightmares unfortunately now in these nightmares i would say about 75 85 of my dreams revolve around my favorite person and they revolve around my favorite person abandoning me that will be them cheating on me um sleeping with my friends me attacking them and then they leave or them breaking up with me and not getting back with me and me absolutely begging and then just having none of it and those are the sort of dreams that i have which is interesting because you know dreams are made from subconscious thoughts so in my head my favorite person i have all these fears constantly of being abandoned and it's reading through my dreams if you guys have the same or if you've had any similar experiences please feel free to drop a comment down below and let me know because i really do feel like i'm on my own on this one let's go through the list that that they have put out so feeling a surge of jealousy when the favorite person spends time with another person or compliments another person again if you're in a relationship this could be very toxic and it can get very toxic very quickly jealousy is such a strong feeling and especially with bpd it's just heightened by tenfold what i would do for myself in those cases is normally i would be in a situation and say for example a compliment is given somewhere else then all of a sudden my mind would start racing and i'd start putting together pieces of the puzzle which makes that this make that sense so basically i'll be like oh so she called him attractive so that means that she likes him that means that she wants to leave me so i feel jealousy so now i now dislike this person and actually i feel quite envious of him and i want to do everything i can to get into the weight of these two when actually that's a completely false concept she's only said that because she's his friend and it's it's false putting these pieces of the puzzle together but that isn't the puzzle you're putting together the wrong puzzle so again be very careful with that take time to ease through these things if you notice that you're doing these things take a step back changing your thoughts or opinions to match your favorite person's thoughts or opinions this is almost like a bigger better version of social media and um being the person that everybody wants you to be instead of being the person that you are yourself you are yourself and although they may be your favorite person your feelings and their feelings are very different so keep them that way have your own opinions keep your own opinions your opinions are valid switching between idealizing the favorite person and devaluing the favorite person in a matter of seconds this is a horrible horrible horrible feeling i cannot explain it but it is so intense and vicious and it shocked me down to my core when the first time that that i really felt it and again it was to do with my girlfriend she was my favorite person she said one thing about another girl and because of that it almost felt like i switched off click of the fingers i then had no feelings for her and i felt in my heart of heart that i had to break up with her and if i didn't i felt like i was going to die basically my anxiety was through the roof you know when you have a really uncomfortable situation and then you find out some news and then your stomach sinks and that feeling in your stomach that's so visceral and consumes the whole of your body i had that for like five days and in the end i couldn't actually take it anymore and i i went to the doctors and i said would you be able to help me with this because it's i can't deal with that all my life i don't know how to get around this and i don't know if i can necessarily help you with this but from my experience what it's best to do is to get to the end of it and get through that feeling before you make any decisions because with bpd we feel like we have to react straight away to um what's happening in front of us but actually no we need to have time think to react to build a logical way of of getting through this and then deliver your answer mentally creating a fantastical world where you're connected to your favorite person though it may not be realistic um unfortunately i don't have much experience with this but again let me know down in the comments if you do have any experience of this it would be lovely for me to find some information out needing a constant supply of attention from the favorite person and going through what feels like withdrawal when your favorite person isn't there again this is it's interesting because sometimes i have this so prominently and other times i don't at all i used to get this a lot more when i was younger when i was incredibly dependent on just one person and that was it that was who i could talk to who i could uh let them know how i felt i would have one person that i would always see and i was close with and that was it and that was the person that i was in a relationship with and it ended up getting really really toxic because i needed this constant supply of attention and they wanted their own life and at the time i didn't know that i had bpd and and i literally felt like uh my insides were getting turned out because i had to be with this person all the time and they just didn't want to be with me and that brought across the fear of abandonment more and more and more so what i would suggest to you guys is just try and find more people to talk to you know friends family loved ones even people on the internet me it can be anybody but just find someone outside of your favorite person that you're able to talk to that you're comfortable with because if things ever start going a little bit sour then you always have someone that you're able to talk to and share those feelings with so here we go keeping your relationship with your favorite person healthy you can definitely have a healthy relationship with your favorite person lots of reddit posts and bloggers talk about how the favorite person always leaves and they never stay with my earlier favorite persons i noticed the abandoned dog effect that i mentioned earlier in this post i would get upset and throw a tantrum if they weren't giving me enough tension and have a fit until they came back this is manipulative and impulsive manipulative and impulsive remember that because it is please don't take offense but it is manipulative and impulsive if you throw a tantrum so they feel like they have to be there that's you making them be there they want to be there on their own they're their own person you're your own person what you do you cannot manipulate them into sting eventually my favorite type person would get tired of my and leave but there's always ways to have a healthy relationship with your favorite person number one keep the relationship mutual your favorite person needs to be okay with knowing that they are your favorite person you don't need to let them know all the details that it contains but let them know that they're a big part of your life and you appreciate having them around let them know that sometimes you're insecure of your friendships or relationships with them and may need lots of reassurance and that everything is okay i say to my girlfriend that i love her probably about 30 times a day and she'll always say it back because she knows that that reassures me that she's not going to leave and it makes me feel more content also ask them if there are any needs that they haven't met do you uh do they need some space i know that it's terrifying to give your favorite person some space but giving them some room to breathe is actually respecting their boundaries again this comes back to what i'm saying you cannot manipulate them if they want to go you let them be and just so you know take some time to breathe yourself let them breathe and hopefully things can come together again and be better a relationship with your favorite person needs to be built on mutual respect and care and it needs to be care with your favorite person they need to be emotionally intelligent because you are emotionally intelligent this is what bpd is you're just good at reading emotions so you need to find someone that corresponds with that and you know isn't isn't brutal to you when you have these emotional times and doesn't disregard them and make you feel stupid because of them you want to feel cared about and loved and reassured and helped so yeah make sure that you're you're trying to find the right people and if you don't have the right people right now that is completely fine because friends will always come around you'll always find more people there's always more people to be bet never make assumptions assumptions make an ass out of you and me assumptions are the devil when it comes to having a relationship with a favorite person [Music] the borderline brain likes to think in black and white saying that this person hates me or they're leaving me forever or they're the worst if your favorite person hasn't texted in a while ask them hey is everything all right i'm just worried because i haven't heard from you in a while if your favorite person hasn't made time for you lately you respect it they're busy don't make the assumption that they hate you because again this comes back to that thing that i was saying of piecing together a puzzle and you're piecing together the wrong puzzle your brain is making things up that could be true but just remember they could be true it doesn't mean they are true they could be true so do your best not to believe them wait until you found out the actual information and then react to that assuming the worst will bring out sides of you that will lash out and throw tantrums to test your favorite person you want to make sure that they don't leave don't give in to that emotional temptation do not emotionally blackmail do not emotionally manipulate don't do any of that it's not needed it's not necessary they are your favorite person and they love you as much as you love them there's no need for that you don't you don't need to put them in a situation where they feel like they have to stay because if you put someone in that position enough times they will leave because it's controlling and nobody wants to be controlled everybody wants to live their own life and do their own stuff when you feel like you have to constantly be coming back to this this thing that requires so much of you and and you not you don't even necessarily feel like you're getting that much back it's it's going to go downhill so like i said do your best not to give in to these emotional whims this impulsivity that bpd is is situated around just take things calm give time time is so valuable and so useful you know you could have an argument with someone and you could be absolutely popping off and if you just take two hours to just breathe and maybe go for a run or or read or do something then then i feel like it could really really help you there's lots more information up here i will leave a link to this page but i just want to finish with this there is a bad side to the favorite person if you don't realize that you have a favorite person and you don't realize that you're manipulating or being controlling in any way so i guess the moral of this video is to be very very very aware that we are very strong in terms of our emotions and our emotions do a lot of the time control us but we must remember that emotions don't control us we control then so when it comes to these favorite personal situations and things start going a little bit wrong take your time breathe just be slow be steady be calm they're your favorite person you don't want to leave them you don't want them to leave you you don't want any reason for them to to find a reason to hitch up and ship so please for for you i i just need you to be smart about this to be happy i i hope this video helped in in some sort of sense favorite person is an interesting one because it's the best thing and it's the worst thing in the world but just part of us so embrace it accept it and uh let's move forward i shall see you guys in the next video lots of love i'll do some exercise bits and bobs but i'll also throw up some bpd stuff as well um so yeah lots of love i hope you guys enjoyed the video thank you make sure to subscribe comment and like i shall see you in a bit

Channel: Reece Henderson

Views: 49,421

Keywords: borderline personality disorder, bpd, mental health, bpd favourite person, reece henderson bpd favourite person, borderline, mental health help, bpd help, how to fix bpd, borderline personality disorder relationships, borderline personality disorder favourite person, reece henderson mental health, bpd advise, borderline personality disorder advise, bpd symptoms, bpd disorder symptoms, bpd explained, bpd episode, mental illness, personality disorder, bpd relationship, dr j fox

Id: -vPchB1XvgQ

Length: 18min 52sec (1132 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 25 2021