What is Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder?

hello i'm dara mcgee today's topic asks if i would outline quiet borderline personality disorder sometimes referred to as high functioning or discouraged borderline now if you like this video if you find it helpful please check out my other videos on mental health related topics and please consider subscribing to my channel but just as a reminder this video is for information purposes only it is not meant as a substitute for support from a mental health professional nor is it a tool to be used to diagnose someone my borderline personality disorder it's part of the cluster b group of personalities this is often characterized by erratic and unpredictable behavior people with bpd tend to be very sensitive and often experience fluctuations in moods and behaviors the smallest thing can bring about an intense emotional reaction which can be problematic not just for themselves but for the people around them as well and i've made a video on borderline personality disorder if you want to check that out but like a lot of personality disorders there's many different types there's many different shades borderline is no different to date there are four known types of borderline personality the first being self-destructive borderline impulsive borderline petulant borderline and the topic for today's video quiet borderline now typically someone with a borderline personality may feel a wavering sense of who and what they are their likes their dislikes their self-image their goals may change so often that life in general can seem very confusing very uncertain and there's a difficulty regulating feelings and as a result of this relationships can be very unstable the stereotypical image that involves borderline is being overly dramatic um emotional outbursts with quiet bpd however someone may feel and struggle with all those same things like the fear of abandonment the the mood swings the extreme anxiety impulsiveness even but the aggression the irritation that gets turned inwards those with quiet bpd tend to internalize these struggles hoping that others won't notice and this can make them difficult to spot as well as to diagnose when feeling something intense they tend to implode rather than explode and some of the typical feelings that do get turned inwards include anxiety anger fear particularly the fear of rejection obsessions intense self-doubt guilt and shame these often come in severe mood swings but unlike other forms of bpd which can be externalized quite explosive these mood swings are internalized and can last for days upon end other people may not recognize the suffering as that person is still able to function on some level and to cope with day-to-day situations and because people with quiet bbd tend to struggle in silence quite commonly out of fear of being rejected you know fearing they're going to be a burden on someone the symptoms can become worse over time it can lead to an increased risk of other mental disorders such as say bipolar eating disorders addiction depression avoidance even social anxiety and it can be difficult to diagnose due to the inward nature of the condition it can often be confused with another condition for example generalized anxiety depression avoidant personality or social phobia it can also be co-morbid meaning it exists alongside another disorder so looking at some of the common symptoms of quiet bpd and remember these have to be pervasive and persistent and also remembering that someone with quiet bpd tends to be calm on the outside but suffer on the inside so firstly they tend to believe they don't deserve compassion from others so they hold everything and are actually quite good at hiding it others tend to think nothing bothers them so they don't really reach out they don't really offer support and this reinforces the belief that they don't deserve compassion and support they tend to be very sensitive and highly responsive to other people's feelings but unable to identify or to express them they can come across as lacking empathy and since there is difficulty in expressing pain the intense feelings of anxiety anger shame often come out through a series of self-destructive behaviors such as alcohol or drug misuse reckless driving self-harm binge eating and so on and as i've said previously it's sometimes referred to as high functioning uh borderline due to the image that everything is okay on the outside while they're falling apart on the inside this is if you will it's a false self it's a full self that they believe a lot of times they believe it's going to bring them some kind of approval from others fearing rejection the false self can include being happy being easy going but it's really just a facade facade of success of happiness often hiding intense pain on a very large void in their lives secondly there is the avoidance of any kind of conflict and this can lead to a lot of people pleasing behaviors now regardless of the personal cost there are different reasons for this and primarily i think again it's that fear of rejection and the need for validation from others so there can be a lot of self-sacrifice self-sacrificing behaviors just to try and keep everyone happy there can also be a lot of rumination over past conversations and situations checking out if anyone was offended by something and the irony being that this kind of behavior doesn't really help them to connect with others on anything other than a surface level and it can also lead someone with quiet bpd open to being exploited to being manipulated to being abused by others and following on from that avoidance would be a common trait of quiet bpd people with this condition tend to mentally retreat emotionally retreat into themselves or dissociate now this involves shutting down whenever things become overwhelmingly stressful this can leave them feeling numb or empty it has been described as like going into autopilot experiencing things as if observing them from the outside at times at times unable to piece together a coherent narrative of what might be really going on next there's a lot of self-blame even when something isn't their fault they accept responsibility for it those with quiet bpd overly apologize often overly apologize for everything they feel intense guilt and and punish themselves for never doing their best even criticize their own thoughts and feelings they can sometimes feel as if they are a nuisance to others even for just turning up they tend to believe everyone else is so much better than him everyone else is so much more worthy than them now even if they're being abused by someone they tend to blame themselves rather than the abuser now a common trait with borderline personality is a fear of both abandonment and intimacy now this would relate to say an anxious ambivalent attachment style with quiet borderline this can mix with an avoidant attachment style so as much as someone may fear rejection and loneliness yearn for connection and validation they avoid relationships as soon as someone starts to get close in a relationship when feelings begin to form they find a reason to either break it off or to sabotage it so that the other person breaks it off and i've heard it described as wanting to end the relationship before their relationship ends them now this can lead to them being socially withdrawn again as much as someone might like to take part in something to be included intense anxiety and self-doubt often fueled by shame leads to a disconnection with the world and because of the all or nothing thinking associated with borderline personality any disagreement teasing anything at all that may indicate um someone is displeased with them this fuels the anger the shame the anxiety and the self-doubt and rather than the emotional outbursts the avoidance leads to them shutting down and not giving someone the opportunity to to explain or to apologize through say avoiding them ignoring them unfriending them on social media that other person may in some cases not even be aware of any grievance they may have caused so the relationship doesn't get mended there are self-sabotaging behaviors often due to your belief that they don't deserve friendship they don't deserve a good job love success and these beliefs can lead to them turning down opportunities rather than risking being disappointed later on and lastly there can be self-harming behaviors thoughts of life not worth living um suicide ideation sometimes described as feeling both helpless and hopeless the thing about quiet borderline is it is treatable you know the all or nothing thinking that push me pull me behaviors are often symptoms not every time but they are often symptoms of trauma the behaviors even as maladaptive as they are remember they're all about survival about trying to stay safe and many who live with quiet borderline personality they are often very sensitive creative they're very gifted people and mental health professionals like counselors psychotherapists they can't help someone heal from past traumas learn to regulate feelings make more positive life choices so they're my thoughts on quite borderline personality disorder there are many other characteristics i haven't included please feel free to use the comment box below if there's any you would like to share i do like reading and responding them whenever i get the chance and i've also noticed recently some interesting discussions that have started around these videos now if you like this video if you find it helpful please consider subscribing to my channel for future updates on mental health related topics and until next time thanks for watching

Channel: Darren F Magee

Views: 39,022

Keywords: what is quiet borderline personality disorder, quiet borderline personality disorder, quiet borderline, quiet borderline personality, quiet bpd disorder, quiet bpd symptoms, quiet bpd explained, borderline personality disorder, personality disorder, bpd symptoms, Darren Magee, hidden signs of bpd, cluster b personality disorders, Sentient Counselling, bpd disorder, bpd explained, quiet high functioning bpd, discouraged bpd, what is bpd, what is borderline personality

Id: RKh6BgC3Kw0

Length: 10min 30sec (630 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 30 2021