Boyfriend Benefits

a Tony Gaskins here may I'm in my mentor doc life headquarters today make sure you visit the site if you have not brought the session with your coach and I can't talk too loud today I'm in the office ISM and I hear people downstairs talking so y'all forgive me if they go to chiming in but you know I wanted to pop in today and talk about some husband benefits the difference between not the husband but the boyfriend benefits I saw a lot of people sent me that video of the young lady who she took and she bought I'm guessing her boyfriend a rental property and he was like look I wanted a Rolex you know a watch chain and you remember some time back it was a young lady who took and she bought I mean she did a little birthday thing and had all the rose petals walked him and had the Gucci shoes Gucci belt had a stack of cash for his business you know had all this the bathroom with rose petals in it and we come to the space of like it's like the war of gifts like who can get a boyfriend who can get their boyfriend who can get a boyfriend not a husband getting a boyfriend the best gift video it and then try to go viral it's almost the equivalent of video on yourself walking up to a homeless person and giving them $10 and then posting it online saying look at the good that I'm and that's what people do on what they give give it when when it's really about love then it's not about always showing it off you had a person who receive it may post it to say thank you or something like that but truly when it's really real you keeping it in-house and that's what I need you to understand when it comes to this and specifically in the gift-giving space when what gift should you get a man and here we talking about a boyfriend the husband gonna be a little different but some of this can't apply first things first first rule of thumb is a man should buy something for you first so if you all start dating you in a relationship and his birthday comes first before Christmas before Valentine's before your birthday if the time of the year that y'all started dating y'all get serious y'all are exclusive and his birthday comes up then you need to get him a car you need to get them a car or in addition to that car you'll get them something that is thoughtful but it's something that you could pretty much flush down the toilet you know $25 you might say look I can't flush no money that I'm talking but you know what I mean if y'all broke up the next day you wouldn't have to be at Elm Scott getting a payday loan and so think about it like that and he needs to get a girl first so when he gets his gift for you and now this is for your birthday or for Christmas if it comes to where it is a holiday that both of you get a gift then if he doesn't say hey you know so what's our gift-giving strategy was to give giving rules if he doesn't say that then you need to say it as a woman you got to say to him hey on so what's the budget you know what's the budget for the gift and he may say well I don't know or he may tell you and then use if he doesn't know then you say okay well let's do a $50 budget let's do $50 you know that's been $50 on each other because we both working on our finances or what-have-you if that's the case especially if it's in early on in the relationship meaning y'all been together less than a year and then each year you can go up next second year let's do a hundred dollars next year 150 now you seen car to be ball offset of $500,000 Lamborghini that's what her money you see what I'm saying and the next time I saw a video it was maybe she put five hundred thousand in cash you know in the frigerator that's where my money at that's totally different and that also is stupid and so you have to think about this you set a budget now what's gonna happen is now you would know if you got a grown boy if you ask him what the budget and he said well a so the budget 500 you know let's do 500 now if you got it like and you okay with that then you couldn't agree to that but if your budget is not there and that don't sit well with your spirit just say ah ain't got it like that now I was saying fifty a hundred but if you agree to something not this this work wrong boy gonna get you at Oh immature man he gonna set a budget or say oh I ain't got no budget I just do what I want to do for you guys you know I come from the heart and with all that said no budget all that I'm just gonna get you what I'm gonna get you and then so let's say you go spend 500 because he said the budget 500 you come give him the gift and it might be a lure of a time wallet for 400 and some he come give you Oh svorski svorski crystal bracelet for $100 and you get Jersey like oh I thought I thought it was fine I thought I bet it was 500 then he not growing boy gonna be like yeah it was 500 that's what I'm saying we not supposed to spend more than 500 and you like but I thought that meant we were spending 500 oh no I ain't got that much nah I just was saying we going over 500 now you want to do that that was on you that's what you like that hey I appreciate you but I ain't there yet so now you like wow he really just said no further okie doke had to get me to get him an expensive Gil and then he got me this little peanuts and so now you know now you know you got your wrong boy nah you got his number time around you get him old $50 Gil whoa you really painted pension no no I thought that's what the level of gift we were getting each other oh wow but this what in the beginning when it comes to this this first year so you're the two it's gonna be a little petty don't be a little petty around gift-giving season and this is a legitimate concern I didn't got this question countless times wanna say hey it's Christmas what should I get my boyfriend or I'm talking to this guy we just started talking a month ago three months ago what should I get them I always say a gift $50 or less fit that all the less because that's what you got to understand about a man man get complacent easy with women so if you come in and you spoiling a man he gonna take from you and he gonna get complacent he gonna try to beat you giving he's not ain't got night you can't beat god-given but a man you could beat him given any time every day every day every time you could beat a man giving you mean he's not gonna compete with you on giving on average your boyfriend so you got to understand that when you go in and you gotta be able to say okay let me follow his lead on this because he a real man wants to cater to you he wants to give to you he want to splurge on you he want to show you how he cares and feels for you and then he just expects and appreciates some gratitude and reciprocation what never ever ever as a woman should you over give a man and something what no I just love the Gil Gil I just love the Gil Gil said you know I ain't worried about what he given me oh you know you always want the woman to do this no listen to me do not go in spoiling this man he's gonna be complacent and he's gonna take from you and then you're just gonna be a do girl so what you gotta understand let him lead with that let him show you how he values you then you can take and match him there or come in right up under him do not surpass him on the gift-giving because now you're gonna show him you would do too much you would do girl and he's gonna let you be that and then he's just gonna go into the mindset of just receiving just receiving so at the most you want to match him and it's the same thing y'all say y'all talk about why you don't pay your half offer to pay your half on the first date or on a date period y'all because you say that if you do that he's gonna get accustomed to that and he's gonna want to go half the rest of y'all life now that ain't true for a man that's a real man and that loves you but for a grown boy that may very well be the case and you're gonna see that same thing with the gift-giving you want to see where this man is that and how he views you so you need to understand this okay and this is the thing he needs to be able to show you how he values you to see a man I be honest with you what women do wrong most men love language is nowhere near gills most men don't even really like gills like that like he may appreciate it but think about this when somebody get you a good Gill so I'm gonna get you a good deal what you got to do what do you got to do when you get a good yell you got a and you got to do it a little squeal you got to put your hand over your mouth you got to jump up and down you gotta do your little cloud so most men don't like showing emotions don't like showing all them expressions so most men can't be so that's why a lot of times you could get a man a gift but he like hmm this nice I really like this this nice hey thank you hey your hug kiss you and I know my wife you say that all the times you like she would be like I can't tell if you like it or not like I can't tell if you were happy for it or not on the inside I might be elated but on the other side I might actually be like why did you do this you know and so because for most men they main the main love language is gonna be acts of service so you know how to say and says the way to a man's heart is through his stomach for a lot of me and that's true for most men that's true but it's just really to cook a meal is an act of service but also so like my wife she'll be talking about this guilt and I'd be like baby listen yeah isn't good oh I buy my own kills okay I'd buy what I need what I can't do for myself is script teas I can't do no striptease for myself okay what I can't do for myself is cook that meal you cook the way you cook it I could get in there and burn something more Salmonella e.coli in that chicken but I can't do what you do with this he'll serve meal what I can't do for myself you hit me and I'll say I'm talking to my wife y'all girlfriends I ain't talking my script cheese and all of this Hill for your boyfriend I'll talk about my butt as a girlfriend you could do something creative you could take and get a bunch of you know pictures put them on a look you know board that each one represents something you could hand make a car you could do something creative without spending a bunch of money now to the lady who took and bought that rental property for the man Mateo was going on and this was happening with a lot of women for once she insecure - she don't know her worth three she trying to buy love folks she wanted to go viral she thought she was gonna get kudos for being business savvy financially wise she thought there was yes Queen yes that's what you do by property all he females out here buying Gucci and Louie yes Queen buy property some asset income-producing Gill that's what I'm talking about Queen that's what she thought she was gonna get or she was sadly mistaken she got you foolish you dog you crazy yo sorry boyfriend and what you have to realize in this situation it's something just like getting a Gil something as small as getting a gift can show you if you with the right person alive when you want to go buy income-producing property and your man tell you instead of earning money every month every month having something pay him he tell you he wants a depreciating item like a watch or a chain that lets you know right there you got to put your track shoes on and take off running what that let you know is that this man gonna blow through your whole nest egg that when you married this man when you marry this man or if you married to him your whole for one cake don't get cash die early and he gonna spend it on studio time and a g-wagen with some 30 inch rims on it that's what he got to do with your nest egg with your retirement fund that your money finna be spent in this group club with him throwing dollars you hear me he's gonna be sending snapchats in cash apps to the online women for nasty pictures when when you see a man think like that when you see a man who and got into a name ain't really producing no income his self cain't buys on himself a Rolex but want you to get him a Rolex that right there finances that's a foundational belief when your finances is different y'all can't see eye-to-eye on your finance you got it wrong you got the wrong you got the wrong not now how she go has she went and got up some diamonds in some jury not a mine on the same on the same wavelength but if she thinking rental property she got a good heart she a good person you know it ain't her fault for being ignorant to the ways of men and to the boyfriend laws and the difference between a boyfriend or husband or if it was her husband it ain't necessarily her fault for not realizing that she missed the red flag by not understanding how he views money now the other lesson in that for every why everybody else men and women is you got to talk about money not and you don't have to be a direct interrogating way but you may want to say hey you know what so hypothetical question you hit the lotto you win a million dollars what you're gonna do just like that like you're just having fun it's just looking game of trivia you just you know what I mean you might even go by your a board game with trivia and fake like that's one of the questions question might be you who won the 1980 NBA championships and you say okay you've won a million dollars what are you gonna do now you hear it oh well first thing I'm gonna do go get my dream car in let me give me a diamond chain so now he telling you like whoa okay seeya you hit me so you wanna have this conversation that's a lesson she didn't know yet she know yet she will blow she was like oh she was kind of shocked now her feelings were hurt she wanted to cry she wanted to cry when he was like you know poverty man I'm watching a chain she went to cries you were hurt she's gonna cry in the car but she didn't know hopefully not she realized that and realized you know what I'm trying to build legacy I'm trying to build generational wealth and this man wanted watch and a chain weekend with this ain't gonna work that's the foundational belief that's what you got to understand and realize so think about this you have to separate a boyfriend from a husband the other thing is you gotta know who you dealing with you gotta take the time have the conversations to understand who you are dealing with how y'all see life how you see the future and it just comes from talking not interrogating not interviewing just talking just conversation just shooting the breeze one thing leads to another so that's what you have to be able to do and when you recognize that your foundational beliefs far off you got to put your track shoes on and wine do not stick around the other lesson from this situation this viral video is you have to stop trying to buy love you've got to stop trying to buy love you got to stop trying to seek approval of another human you got to stop trying to stunt for the ground and you got to operate from within stop trying to buy love you cannot buy your man now you could buy a grown boy you can't buy your man it shouldn't even be about money it should be about the love it shouldn't be about how expensive the gear feels it's like what kind of rental property you bow-like ain't no rental property cheap right now the market highest it's ever been like when where you bought this at Detroit you got one of the dollar houses in Detroit because a rental property that did for something worthwhile that's somebody gonna live in had to spend a minimal will fit thousand dollars and and end to end if you didn't buy a cache you had to get approval for it so that means your credit got to look nice your income looking nice so if you in this type of position to do something for a man and it man want a Rolex and a chain and he bought you know run a property obviously not you with booboo the fool and usually looking like who shot John and forgot to kill you got to go you got the gold you got to slap yourself with wet baby powder and don't even spend another second in that situation and and Hickel had a man did the man he posed to be receiving the guilt he's sitting out with a phone she hand him the guilt he say you open it tell her what man if you don't get it open this and put that phone down and let the person that's standing behind you be the only one filming you're here trying to sit here and film because you know you got your food you know your woman slap crazy so you want to film her cuz you finish i'm for your boys thinking you got your cube a diamond Cuban link and I start rolling to come out the bag so you wanna film for your snap child and here you is I say man look here this is the kind of man y'all dating it's kind of me all day that's the kind of man y'all choosing and this why you're over is screaming at you your body clock ticking and you letting all of that go to your head and you're trying to buy love you're trying to rush the process and you want a one body so instead of having a real man your settle for a warm body you're due for a half a man instead of a whole man and limited this a man who will just want to receive receive and accept from you and he has not given to you equal or greater on that level that man right there that's not your man that man is cheating on you he taking yo money even after it went viral hey baby I'm sorry I did with joking I won in Syria by day what I look like booboo the fool you think I'm crazy when I look broke busted and disgusting what you think I'm a lame you think I really want to watch or a chain over a rental property man you crazy man get out of here you know I were joking you know me better than that even take that wanna run a property you hear me he fantasy I rent a property in the neck mine if you're gonna get it transferred to the name cuz obviously said her name and she still got to transfer to D because he would have no what she got if she put it in his name because he would have had to sign the papers she she's been to transfer to name soon as they transfer the name he finis avatars a relationship because she too smart meaning she too dumb smart meaning she won't rent a property and she's naive enough to buy for a grown boy but he won't him a dummy with money he won a woman that got money but she's gonna buy that I stopped watching the chain so what evening to do get that property in his name and then he felt a sabotage the relationship he fin the let one of his side women text him or call him when he right in front of her to see if the makeup man so she got a leave and she don't leave he gonna say well since you called me cheated I'm gonna go ahead and go because if I'm cheating that obviously mean the relationship is broken and then he gonna leave with that rental property sale the rental property get him some jury and spend the rest on studio time work on that terrible album see this the kind of men y'all dealing with and this one I'm trying to prepare you and get a gang so you could recognize the signs early so when you see this man when you meet these men you got to be able to look and see what his priorities at and it could be something as simple as this you look at this young man and you find out what he do y'all talk about what you do for a living let's say this man say oh well you know I Drive for UPS and let's say you just happen to know that's 50k a year I don't know what it is but let's say it's 50 K yeah it's 50 K year but when y'all get to the parking lot he an old s550 so this mean he drive he make fifty thousand a year but he driving a hundred thousand dollar car now you know his finances out of order now you know his finance says is out now you see how he seed money he got he made 50 K but he bought a fifteen thousand dollar Rolex but he made fit the cake you said I mean it's just picking up little things like that it ain't even about asking all the questions sometimes just watching just just watching just paying attention and so you'll get to pick up where this man mind said is that and then you can move forward from there so understand this the other thing is when you build in a relationship you're building a relationship only thing you need to be online is pictures of y'all all these here videos I've seen so many videos of engagements of engagement proposals and in a couple get divorce that all that is not for the world that's for y'all that's for your immediate family that's for your church that is not for the social media because then people don't love you so stop trying to monetize your relationship understand this when it's not serving a purpose now it's totally different if you doing something that's gonna actually teach other people how to build real love but when you just doing something just to go viral you send your relationship up for failure now imagine this young lady Siri course she had this recorded he recorded it they put the video online so imagine all the arguments all the fussing and fighting that they going through from all the backlash all the comments they they come on through so much and it in the video is not from his father because his phone in his hand it's fun to person standing behind him which is probably who she had recorded so now she getting cussed out for making him look like a fool oh you did me like that man you need love me man why you putting it on there man you know how people live and you know this blog on post it and you know any meaning like that man you know me better than that and now you've got me going through this she probably got cuz died she could have got roughed up ain't no telling what happened and now they got to go to a public service announcement you know publicist that further explain what happened all of that because you want to put your business on line you can't get caught up in that so listen to me just a rule of thumb when it comes to pictures and videos for women okay let your man post you before you post him and if he posts you early so like if you start dealing with a man and he posts you within three months he posts you within six months now typically a man postal woman fast to get back at his ex woman he using you he using you you the thirst trout his one his ex thirsty and you the thirst trap he posts in you to get back at his ex the make her man to show her that he's moved on when a man posts you inside of six months and today honestly when a man posts you inside of a year the other reason he will post you fast is if you got some money if you got some money or you got some stability some financial stability if you got a car that's dependable if you got your own place to stay that's in your name and he does not have those things he'll post you fast okay when now if your man is not fresh shot no relationship he doesn't have a soul tie that strong with an ex y'all talked about it he'd been single for a year so he don't got a soul time okay that's strong he has his own place he got his own car and he got a good job meaning he's gainfully employed legally okay ain't on my adult weren't all that scam and all that he legally employed he completely independent now that man posts you within a year it ain't by the X cuz he ain't got no X that's recent okay and he and he got all his own if that man post you within a year he's in love it's because he loves you that's what that is now you removing an old name meaning you he don't got a car or he don't got a place to stay or he has an ex and he pulls you inside over here very rarely is it gonna be because he in love it's gonna be because he know you take that serious because he claiming you to the world he is claiming you to the world I don't know when I got online 2009 I had got married in 2007 I still ain't post my wife in 2009 and I probably posted a 2010 after you know a little bit because that's just natural form and I'm a Taylor on the truth back then I'm I hadn't really started walking in my purpose so I still were open I still was open I still had wandering eyes and really and I don't try to use my truth against you because you wouldn't know this ain't tell you I'm telling you to help you so you could see a man like myself who doing what I'm doing and the way I lived my life when I was 24 25 years old 25 when I changed my life but it was by the end of 25 you hear me but before that I had wandering eyes I want posting my wife and brag about my wife and let me tell you why the reason why is because I was not sure if I had done the right thing and I was not sure if I were gonna bump into somebody else was not sure if I was gonna cheat had not made a full commitment and that is where 99.9 percent of men are so a lot of times women come to me and they say look we've been together X amount of time he hasn't posted me online that's because he don't know yet that's cause he don't know if you don't want he leaving room I wasn't actively pursuing other women I wasn't talking to other women but I was leaving room and if the devil want to slip in he could have slipped in now I thank God for His grace and His mercy now a man who ain't under that covering because he's not called to do this work that I'm doing he might be tested in a different way and so your man not posting you because he leaving room because he don't know if he want to be with you until death does us part and he don't want to mess up his record he don't want to post you and then all his women who watching him fall off you see him saying so understand is y'all go wrong when you go to post on a man and he posted you oh babe oh boo Bay this boo that baby this baby it is my man my man every date you post on you posts are you posting you you just so happy and the reason why you posting it ain't even a lot of times with women I notice it ain't even by law it's by making your haters jealous it's by making a single women that you don't like mad that ain't got no man and what you don't realize is they could have a man if they willing to sell like you settle it so you posting your sorry man who ain't even doing right and might be a grown boy but you posting him cuz you want somebody to say oh she taking she off the market oh she complete or she a whole woman oh she got it together cuz she got a job she got a car and then she got a education and she got a man oh man I'm so jealous aha you want somebody to be jealous of you so now that's what I want you to realize so you can't be doing it for the ground for the book Twitter whatever you add only men you too posting your man instead keep it offline til you know that you know keep it offline - you know that he posts on you and he posting you for the right reasons he might post you but if you don't know in your heart that it's for the right reasons don't post him yet because you might have to leave him in a month and so men and women that's what they go through they go from posting this man it's been three weeks a lot of women start three weeks in posting in man cuz they had a few days posting them at a three month mark they broke up night with another man so the people on Facebook like oh I don't see how with foam and this young the world I see one of those thoughts escort service what the rural I don't and that's because you so ready to show that you got a man instead of letting your man show you that he is a man and that he is the man the man your man your husband you mean let him show you that then post bottle because we tired of getting saved the days and for engagement parties and wedding days and then got to begin the text a month later unsaved a date because it's all his counsel and then we got to get another date and then we looking at all the different man in all they say two days we got there now we at the house with a portfolio or save the dates from you because you keep promoting a man you keep praising boyfriends because you were by somebody watching and reading your body clock you worried about what people saying about you you you worried about people thinking that you Baron and that you're never going to get married that you got the Scarlet a on you and so you're trying to show the world that you take it but your man is not taking you in a relationship with a single man you see what I'm telling you so that's what you got to wait on you've got to let this man show you behind closed doors first that he loves you respects you cherishes you then you got to let him speak with his wallet that he willing to sacrifice and spend on you to speak another love language of gifts or quality time or acts of service whatever it may be then you need to see that he is willing to show you publicly that he willing to show you to the world and let the world know that you're his and all of that has to coincide with him having his own being a whole man a real man and all the way independent able to step up and be the man that you need that's what you need to be able to see and if you can't see that and all of that don't go together then you need to pump your brakes stop being desperate let go to frustration let go to anxiety and take your time and build with this man slowly so you can see and then at the end of the day if you look and you see that oh this man and what I thought he was he ain't no I thought he was gonna be I realized I've met his representative but I don't truly a fully know him if that's the case then boom put on by pulling back let them go move on with your life that's what you gotta get to that place that you understand that this is your man a not just Tony gasps in the video it can't be too long I don't went too long on this this topic I probably hit a few more points but hopefully you get what I'm saying and and just to bring this all the way back just to the gills because that's what truth is hip video because I kept seeing that is stop trying to spoil a man stop trying to buy a man now when he's your husband that's different you could be a blessing to him but even then it need to be in reciprocation and it also it need to be because that's what he won't that's what he liked not because you just want to spend money and you just want to buy guilt but he made rather a back massage you see what I'm saying but for your boyfriend you got to slow down you got to chill all the way out with all these gifts and giving to a man and you giving a boyfriend husband benefits hey that's Tony guys and thank you so much hey I apologize I miss me a couple days I had for speaking engagements in four days but I plan to be back lord willing on him dropping the videos for you every day and I'm gonna be covering all kind of topics going forward so make sure you drop your questions in the comments because I may see it and if it fits and I can do something with it I will in the meantime be sure click the links in the bio you'll see in not the bio the description you will see that my mentor dot life the book your session with your coach some of you have I can graduate you commend you on that for those you who are ready to become a coach I'm planning another live session April 11th if the venue is available but if you can't make it to Atlanta I'm not taking anywhere else right now because I'm trying to stay near home and not be on the road too much you can take it online you could take it online on Tony Gaskins Academy calm and I got a coupon code in the description as well for you being a Youtube subscriber if you're not a subscriber make sure you hit the button hit subscribe button and you could use that coupon code to take the life coach certification it is Tony Gaskins god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 58,816

Rating: 4.9567747 out of 5

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Id: 2JTxF4Za_6U

Length: 42min 2sec (2522 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 24 2020