- From Comedy Central's
World News Headquarters in New York, "The Daily Show
With Trevor Noah" presents... [upbeat music] Big Little Allies. [peppy accordion music] - French President Emmanuel
Macron has arrived in America for the first state
visit hosted by President Trump. - While other leaders seem to
clash with Trump, Macron was the belle to Trump's
beast. - Macron has been dubbed "the
Trump whisperer" by some because of their close
diplomatic relationship. - Macron says he and Trump
have a special relationship. - Mr. President, they're all
saying what a great relationship we have,
and they're actually correct. It's not fake news. Finally it's not fake news. - Look how excited little
Donnie is, man. Doesn't--doesn't he look like
he just invited his best friend over for a sleepover? It's actually cute.
Yeah. It really is. They might even play Truth or
Dare. It would be like, "Okay, my
turn. Dare me to sleep with your
wife." "Uh, how about we do truth
instead?" "Okay, truth: I want to sleep
with your wife." But the ultimate test is how
you handle it when he publicly humiliates
you. - It's a great honor,
great honor that you're here. But we do have a very special
relationship. In fact, I'll get that little
piece of dandruff off, a little piece. We have to make him perfect.
He is perfect. So it is really--it is really
great to be with you, and you're a special friend. Thank you. Thank you.
- Thank you. - Yo, you, this dude-- this dude just picked something
white off Macron's shoulder and then announced it to
dandruff. Like, he just announced it as
dandruff to the cameras, like, "Look, look, I found a
dandruff. I found it." And credit to Macron.
He just went with it. Yeah, that's diplomacy. Because if I was Macron, I
would have clapped back. He would have been like,
"You've got dandruff." I would have been like, "Excuse
me, I have dandruff? "No, Donald, you are a human
dandruff. "You are the flakes on the
scalp of society. I shampoo you from my life." But he was calm.
He handled it perfectly. In fact, every moment Macron
handled perfectly, you know, whether it was giving speeches
or playing outside. You could really feel that
Macron was connecting with Trump. And we all know that Trump is
not the sentimental type. But clearly Macron made him
feel a way that he's never, ever felt before: human. [applause] - Thank you. Thank you. - I like him a lot. That's my prediction. It's only a prediction. - Thank you. Thank you very much. [laughter] Look, like, I--I know it's--
I know it's a cliché, but that's a bromance. [upbeat percussive music] President Trump was at the
White House hosting President Buhari of Nigeria. Although let's be honest. Trump probably thought he was
meeting with African Ray Charles. And things got a little awkward
at the press conference, because remember last year when
Trump called African countries shitholes? Well, that came up. - Did you address his reported
comments from earlier this year when he reportedly used vulgar
language to describe African nations? - We didn't discuss it.
- [laughs] - And you do have some
countries that are in very bad shape and very tough
places to live in. - "As I said, shitholes." [laughter] [upbeat percussive music] ♪ ♪ President Trump, remember him? We all know he wants to build a
wall, and now he wants other
countries to build one too. - President Trump has a
brand-new border wall controversy, only this one
involves a desert in Africa. Spain's foreign minister says
Trump told him he should build a border wall across the entire
Sahara Desert to thwart Europe's migrant
crisis. [laughter] - Imagine--imagine having the
world learn about your Toad penis, and it's still
only the second most embarrassing story about you
this week. And, you know, and, like, to be
honest, I'm disappointed in Trump,
because when he first came up with "the wall," I thought he
was, like, a crazy, out-of-the-box
thinker. But now I realize he's only got
one move. Like, I wouldn't be shocked if
Trump uses the wall as a pickup line, like, he's
that guy at the bar who's like, "Excuse me, Miss. "Is that drink a wall? Because somebody else is about
to pay for it." [laughter and applause] Oh, and...
and just--and just by the way, I can't even believe I have to
say this, but Africa is not a part of
Spain, so they can't just build
something on someone else's land. [upbeat percussive music] Today President Trump chaired a
meeting of the UN Security Council,
and the good news is, he now believes that foreign
countries do meddle in U.S. elections, yes. The bad news is, he only cares
if he thinks it will hurt him. - Regrettably, we found, that
China has been attempting to interfere in our upcoming
2018 election. They do not want me or us to
win, because I am the first
president ever to challenge China on trade,
and we are winning on trade. We are winning at every level. - I love how the one China
delegate in the background is like, "Is this thing plugged
in properly? Is this guy saying what I think
he's saying?" Because this is genius. You realize that Trump is
basically saying that if he gets crushed in the
midterms, it's not because he's bad;
it's because he's so good, China had to do something about
it. Yeah, and by the way, no one
knows where he got this "hacking" claim from,
right? He could have gotten it from
the CIA, or maybe he just got a fortune
cookie he didn't like. You know? Just, like, "God damn you,
China. "You're hacking me. "Ahh, nom-nom-nom.
I can't stay mad at you. I can't stay mad at you,
China." [upbeat music] - Global stunner: the
president agrees to meet face-to-face with North
Korea's leader, something no president has
ever done. The decision to meet came
suddenly and dramatically. Once President Trump heard that
Kim Jong-Un wanted to meet with him, he
quickly agreed. - The president was ecstatic, poking his head into the White
House briefing room to announce that something big
was about to happen. - This is the cutest story I've
heard about Trump in a long time. He was so excited Kim Jong-Un
wanted to meet him that he was running around the
White House telling everyone. Just, like, "Did you guys hear? "I said yes. "♪ Rocket man ♪ ♪ Never had a lover
like this before ♪" Now, a sitting U.S. president
meeting with the leader of North Korea is like a
"Sesame Street" episode about group sex;
it's never happened. - He's not prepared, Jonathan. That's the problem. There's no one at the State
Department to brief him. There's--we have no ambassador
to South Korea. Will he be prepared?
We don't know. - But--but, Donna, you have to
admit that the previous White House and
the one before that had some of the most
well-prepared, brilliant foreign policy minds
that we've ever seen, and it was a failure. - Oh, that's a really good
point. The experts have been trying to
solve North Korea for 20 years, and it's only gotten worse. So if the smart people can't do
it, why not try Trump, right? It's like--it's like if you had
a rare disease that the world's top doctors
couldn't cure, so you were like,
"You know what? "Why not let that dog in a hat
give it a try? "Yeah. How did he even get that
hat? He's got to be pretty smart." [dramatic music] - Earlier before their
historic sit-down in Singapore, the two leaders
sizing each other up with a handshake. - Yeah, you heard that right. President Trump said meeting
Kim Jong-Un was his great honor. I mean, then again, when you
have appeared in a McDonald's commercial
talking to Grimace, everything seems like an
honor. I get it. I get it. But this alone--this alone is
what North Korea has been pining for for decades, right? Equal standing with the
American president, shaking hands, their flags
side-by-side. Some may have seen that and
thought, "Oh, Trump's being nice for
now, but when he gets Kim alone in
that negotiation room, he gonna de-nuke his nuts off." But it turns out only one man
lost his nuts in that room. - Trump and Kim signed a joint
document committing to work towards,
"Complete denuclearization of the Korean peninsula." The agreement is short on
specifics, like whether the
denuclearization will be verifiable and irreversible. - There's nothing new in this
agreement. These are vague assertions from
North Korea. - The piece of paper that got
signed yesterday is, frankly, weak. I mean, this is--this is not a
strong piece of paper. - Because you realize Kim
didn't commit to anything. He basically Facebook RSVP'd
a nuclear deal. That's all he did. And while Kim gave up nothing
major, he got the American president
to give up a lot more. - President Trump making a
massive concession agreeing to stop joint
military exercises between the United States and
South Korea, exercises that greatly annoyed
the North Korean leader. South Korea caught off guard by the president's
announcement responding that they need to
figure out the accurate meaning and
intention behind the statement. - Uh, good luck with that,
South Korea. Yeah, good luck. We've been trying to figure out
Trump's accurate meaning and intentions since the day he
stepped off that escalator. Yeah. But this is incredible. Kim Jong-Un went up against the
world's greatest negotiator, the man who literally hired
someone to write "The Art of the Deal" and got him to give up
something for nothing. It's almost like Kim Jong-Un
did a Jedi mind trick on Trump. You know, Trump was like, "Yes,
I will stop military exercises, "and I will also pick you up
from the airport. It'll be fun." Like, Kim Jong-Un, he owned the
summit so hard. By the end, he'd even turned
the leader of the free world into his personal hype man. - Kim Jong-Un, as you know,
has killed family members, has starved his own people. Why are you so comfortable
calling him "very talented"? - Well, he is very talented. Anybody that takes over a
situation like he did at 26 years of age and is able
to run it and run it tough... - Kim is a brutal dictator. He runs a police state, forced starvation,
labor camps. He's assassinated members of
his own family. How do you trust a killer like
that? - His country does love him. His people, you see the fervor. They have a great fervor. I think they're gonna end up
with a very strong country and a country which has people
that-- they're so hardworking,
so industrious. - So--so you saw people
enslaved in labor camps, and you thought, "Man, these
people love their jobs." Really, Donald? This is what happens when
you're friends with Kanye West. I mean...and now--and now,
don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying President Trump
shouldn't have negotiated with Kim Jong-Un at all. But there's a big gap between
being civil with the person and endorsing the Freddy
Krueger of human rights. The only part of that summit
that didn't seem to go Kim's way is when Donald Trump
slipped up and appeared to make a fat joke
about his new friend. [laughter] - Yo, yo, the look. Yo, the look on Kim Jong-Un's
face. It's like a scene out of "The
Office." Like, he's--you can see he's
thinking, "Make him look thin. "You mean I'm not thin? "Why didn't anyone tell me? Was it the death camps?" Why didn't you tell me?" And I guess from Trump's
perspective, this is what he got out of the
whole summit. Yeah, when he gets back to the
White House, his people are gonna be like,
"Mr. President, you sold America down the
river." And he'll be like, "Yeah, but
did you see that fat joke? Worth it." Cleary what happened here was
Trump didn't feel the need to prepare for a nuclear
summit, because he thought his million-dollar listing
skills would carry him through. And it turns out if the sales
pitch fails, he knows that he can always
fall back on his other skill. - I think he's--I think,
honestly, I think he's gonna do these
things. I may be wrong. I mean, I may stand before you
in six months and say, "Hey, I was wrong." I don't know that I'll every
admit that, but I'll find--I'll find some
kind of an excuse. - Ah, truth Trump,
my favorite Trump. He basically just admitted that
this whole deal is as shaky as one of his casinos,
only if this thing falls apart, instead of bankruptcy,
there's a nuclear war. - First up, after Syrian
President Bashar al-Assad attacked his own people with
chemical weapons last week, the world has been waiting to
see if President Trump would respond with military
action. And because this is a decision
that could lead to an all-out war, the president
announced his decision with all the gravitas it
demanded. [dramatic music] - President Trump is up and
firing off tweets about the situation in Syria. - "Russia vows to shoot down
any and all missiles "fired at Syria. "Get ready, Russia,
because they will be coming, nice and new and 'smart!'" - It's hard to see how this is
anything but the president of the United States declaring
war on Twitter. - I feel like we joked about
this, and now it's become real. 'Cause when Trump got elected,
we were like, "He's gonna start a war on
Twitter. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." And then before he got elected,
we were like, He's gonna become president,
ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." Yeah, it turns out every joke
about Trump is just a headline that hasn't
happened yet. And also, why does Trump tweet
so weird? "These missiles are nice and
new and 'smart'"? It sounds like he's trying to
fix them up with the missiles. It's like he's saying to the
Russians, "Look, I know you don't like
blind dates, "but these missiles, they're
really nice, really smart. "Just come. No pressure. It's just a launch, come on." [light flute music] ♪ ♪ So late last night Trump
reacted by grabbing his tweet box and
creating a problem for all of us. - Breaking news, because
overnight, the president threatening war
with Iran, language that raises new
concerns. - President Trump fired off
this threat. "To Iranian President Rouhani,
never, ever threaten "the United States again or you
will suffer consequences "the likes of which few
throughout history have ever suffered before." - He was in all-caps, which
means he was yelling back at Iran. [laughter] - What? What are you... why is he explaining caps lock
to Fox viewers? They're old. They're not Amish. Like, come on. He's like, "Now, there's also a
yellow face with a smile on it. It's not a real person.
That's a..." But yes, President Trump has
made an all-caps threat to destroy another country,
and remember, this is the same way he
threatened fire and fury on North Korea,
yeah, and then six months later
totally caved to Kim Jong-Un, yeah, so there's a good chance
that in a few months we'll see Trump saluting Iran, and America will be under
sharia law. Yeah, he'll be like, "I gave
Iran everything they wanted, "folks, and now there will be
peace in Shalah. [stately orchestral music] ♪ ♪ - You know, we all know--
we all know that in America many people dislike Donald
Trump. But it turns out in England
they also don't like him. - Mr. Trump and the First Lady
also visited Windsor Castle for his first meeting with
Queen Elizabeth, which had some awkward
moments. - As the visit was taking
place, tens of thousands of
protesters took to the streets of London carrying signs with
messages like, "Trump not welcome"
and "Dump trump." - The streets of London
swelled with tens of thousands of people protesting President
Trump, including an inflatable Trump
baby blimp - And if the British disliked
Trump before he arrived, his visits only made things
worse. - The president breached
British protocol by publicly disclosing the
details of a conversation he had with Queen Elizabeth. - He broke royal protocol by
walking in front of the queen, but she quickly stepped
forward to correct the error. - He also today had tea with
the queen. He did keep her waiting
for ten minutes. - Video recorded the very
punctual 92-year-old queen checking her watch prior to
the president's arrival. - Good lord. Is there--is there any rule he
didn't break? He's like, "President Trump in
hot water after pushing the queen into
the royal swimming pool." For more on Trump's U.K. visit, we're joined by an actual
British person, Gina Yashere, everybody. [cheers and applause] Gina, in the U.S.-- in the U.S., Trump's U.K. visit
seemed to not go so well, but as a British person,
what do you think? - It was an unmitigated
disaster, Trevor. This cockwomble--yeah, that's
what I called him-- he came--came to our country
and insulted us. I mean, look what he did to our
queen. He's cutting her off like he's
trying to beat her to the early bird special. Look, it wasn't just the
protocol that he messed up. Trump was straight rude. He insulted our prime minister
on tape before he even met with her, and then he blamed the mayor of
London, Sadiq Khan, for terrorism. Obviously because he's Muslim,
and it must have been one of his cousins. - Wow.
You know, like, after this, I bet you wish that Trump had
never come at all. - Are you kidding?
On the contrary. I wish he'd pop by more often. - But--but, Gina, you just said
that everyone in Britain hated it. - Exactly, everyone. The United Kingdom has never
been so united. I mean, before him, nobody
cared about the royals. We were like, "They don't work. "They do nothing. "Our taxes pay for them to live
on posh welfare. They're 'Downton Abbey' meets
'Shameless.'" But Trump walks in front of our
queen, and I was like, "But this is the mother of our
nation, damn it. "She's the jewel in our crown. Put his man in stocks and slap
his balls with a wet crumpet." [laughter] - Slap...slap his balls with a
wet crumpet? - Look, nobody wins here,
Trevor. His balls get crushed, and we waste a perfectly good
crumpet. [laughter and applause] - Remember that photo of
President Trump at the G7 summit from a few
weeks ago? Remember that one, where it
looked like all the other world leaders were fighting
with Trump because he refused to take a
bath? Yeah?
Well, it turns out there's a pretty sweet story
behind it. - Chancellor Merkel of Germany and Prime Minister Trudeau of
Canada wanted to press Trump directly
to sign the communiqué, and Trump was sitting there
with his arms crossed clearly not liking the fact
that he felt like they were ganging up on him. He said, okay, he'll sign it,
and at that point, he stood up, he put his hand
in his pocket, and he took two Starburst
candies out, threw them on the table
and said to Merkel, "Here, Angela, don't say I
never give you anything." [laughter] - I...cannot believe
that Donald Trump would have two uneaten Starbursts in his
pocket. I also can't believe he threw
them at another world leader. Although knowing Trump, he
probably immediately snatched the second Starburst back. He was like, "I only meant to
give you one. Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom." [upbeat music]
