How's everybody feeling? Feeling relaxed, chilled out? Casually chewing your own tongue
off from the stress? Because it has all come down
to this. And on the weekend
before Election Day, voters got one more chance to compare the two candidates
head to head. I'm running as a proud Democrat, but I will govern as an American
president for everybody. (horns honking) Under Biden, there will be
no school, no graduations, no weddings, no Thanksgivings, no Easters, no Christmases,
and no Fourth of July. Other than that, you're gonna
have a wonderful life. -(horns honking)
-I will work as hard for those who don't support me
as those who do support me. I mean it. His new deal
are these sunglasses. He was... he was very agitated,
right? See him yes...?
"Ah, gah, gah, gah, gah." And then you'd have, like,
two-two cars honk. -Honk! Honk!
-(laughter) -(horns honking)
-That's the job of a president-- the duty to care,
the duty to care for everyone. (chanting):
Liar, Fauci! Liar, Fauci! Liar, Fauci! Liar, Fauci!
Liar, Fauci! Don't tell anybody,
but let me wait -till a little bit after the
election, please. -(cheering) Well, I think we know
who Dr. Fauci is voting for. I mean, it's actually nice to have that election be
that clear for you. 'Cause most people are like, "Oh, which candidate better
reflects my vision of America?" Dr. Fauci's like, "All right, which candidate
isn't gonna fire my ass?" You know, I can safely say that I've never seen a president
go after individual people. I'm shocked
Trump hasn't just started pulling out the phonebook like, "What about Mary Henderson
on Maple Street, everybody? "Should we lock her up? Okay, okay." The one piece of good news
for Dr. Fauci is that now that his firing has
become a rally chant, like "Lock her up,"
or "Build the wall," it means
it'll actually never happen. And by the way,
I love how Trump is just saying that Biden is gonna get rid
of all the holidays. Just, like, making it up. They're all gone, folks. No Christmas, no Thanksgiving, and I don't know what Kwanzaa
is, but it's gone. And no more Toyotathon. You won't even be able to wish
your neighbor Happy Honda Days. And Trump is right. If you vote for Biden,
there's no more holidays, but if you vote for Trump, then every day will be
Dia De Los Muertos. Either way,
Biden and Trump's tones could not be more different. I mean, at this point,
the election is like choosing between going to the ballet and breaking into the zoo
to watch chimps mate. You know
which one fits your vibe. And as November 3rd looms,
there is no question that the streets
are getting tense. I mean, as an African, I'm used to a certain level
of pre-election threats, but, ooh,
this is getting out of hand. Here in New York City and
elsewhere around the country, there is a concern
that-that tensions are rising to the point where a lot
of people feel unsafe. Police in Graham, North
Carolina using pepper spray on what was said
to be peaceful demonstrators who had marched to the polls. To Beverly Hills
over the weekend. About 4,000 pro-Trump
supporters gathered to rally
in support of the president. Anti-Trump demonstrators
showed up, and they clashed. Back here in the Tristate, there were caravans
of pro-Trump supporters who actually blocked
major thoroughfares, bridges, stopping people from getting into New York City
at one point. The backup was, in one area,
more than five miles. NEWSWOMAN:
And across the United States, businesses boarding up
their windows, their doors, and taking other security
measures in anticipation and fear
of possible election unrest. Authorities are expected
to be putting back into place a non-scalable fence
around the White House. NEWSWOMAN 2:
A group of Trump supporters surround a Biden campaign bus
in Texas on Friday. It forced Biden's camp
to cancel a rally. Damn, America's going
full Mad Max right now. And Trump might deny
encouraging these people, but then, why was he riding
on the back? That's irresponsible. I mean,
at least he's wearing a mask. That's one step in
the right direction, but still. And you know shit is real
when even the White House is putting up extra fences
and barriers. Although, hopefully, they're not letting Donald Trump
decide what a good barrier is. We don't need a fence. We should just put
a slightly steep ramp. No one can get past that.
They're so dangerous. Although if it were me, I wouldn't put up
an extra fence. I'd just paint the White House
a different color. Yeah. Then, when Antifa come,
I'd be like, "The White House? "No, this is the purple house. Try down the block, deary." But, yes, everyone is worried
about post-election violence. And I'll be honest with you.
If shit goes down, You're not gonna see me
going downtown and looting, no. I'm gonna be looting
at the outlet malls. They've got much better deals. And look,
I'm not looking for a fight, but don't play around, guys. I'm always ready to throw down
if I have to. Yeah. (grunting) Aah! Yeah. Aah! Aah! Aah! Is it bad? Aah! Now I have to
taste my blood like The Rock. Look, we all need
to be reasonable. There's no need for violence. Although according to
the candidates, maybe there is? I don't think Sleepy Joe would
be a good fighter, do you? One gentle little touch
to the face, and he's down. He's down, and he wouldn't
get up very quickly. The president likes to
portray himself-- I love this-- likes to portray himself
as a tough guy. When you're in high school, wouldn't you have liked
to take the shot? Anyway, it's a different story,
but anyway. A macho man. Of all the people in the world
that I could fight, that's probably the one
I'd like to most fight. You know what? Boom. I didn't even have to close. -I just "ding," he's gone.
-(laughter) That's right. Joe Biden and Donald Trump
are ready to throw down. (whoops) This'll probably be
the first UFC match sponsored by Life Alert. It's also gonna be
a tough fight to referee. I mean, you won't be able
to tell which one of them
has a concussion. Seriously, this is a lot
of shit talking from two guys that only have about three falls
left in them. Instead of trainers
in their corners, they're just gonna have
Jamaican nurses. (Jamaican accent):
Great round, Mr. Biden. It's time for your pills, okay? You want them with the cranberry
or with the applesauce? But Donald Trump doesn't have
to fistfight Joe Biden to win this election. All he has to do is stop mail-in
votes from being counted, because most of those
are from Democrats, and it sounds
like that's exactly his plan. NEWSMAN: Overnight,
the president arguing the race should be called
on Election Day. We should know the result of
the election on November 3rd. That's the way it's been,
and that's the way it should be. NEWSMAN: But that's not true
and never has been. President Trump saying
he'll challenge the results if he loses. We're gonna go in the night of. As soon
as that election's over, we're going in with our lawyers. NEWSMAN: ...falsely claiming
ballots counted after Tuesday are illegitimate. I think it's a terrible thing
when people are, or-or states are allowed to, uh,
tabulate ballots for a long period of time
after the election is over. So just to be clear,
Trump is flat-out saying that after Election Day, you should just stop
counting the votes, even if the votes were cast
on time, which makes no sense. It's like saying,
"Oh, that's not your kid because it was born
after its due date." Uh-uh. My baby was supposed
to arrive on January 4th. I don't know
who this stranger is, just popping out my belly
acting like you family. But let's be real. Nobody's surprised by this. I mean, Trump wants the race
called on Election Night because he thinks
that'll ensure that he wins. But I promise you now,
if Biden wins on Election Night, well, then Trump will say,
you got to hold everything until all the votes
are recounted. And then, when all the votes
are counted, Trump will say, "Oh, we should hold everything until all the votes
are recounted." We know what's happening here,
man. Trump is that kid who keeps changing the rules
until he wins. Best of five! Best of 13! Best of 123! Maybe it would help
if we explained this to Trump in terms that
he would understand. Donald, we have to wait
for the election results, because right now they're
"under audit" by the IRS.
