- So one thing I think
we all have in common is our love of story, right? Our love of story. We all love a good story. Whether it's a book or movie,
maybe part of a comedy series, fiction, nonfiction. I love historical fiction. Maybe it's something that
happened to a friend. Maybe it's your most
embarrassing moment. And we all love to hear and many of us enjoy
telling stories. What's not apparent
that should be is that each of us is
actually creating a story. The story of our lives. It should be apparent
because when someone asks you about your past, where
you're from, how you met, where you went to
school, what do you do? You dip back into a
chapter of your story, the story of your life. Now, if you were
like me growing up, you were interested in your
parents' stories, right? I loved to ask my parents
when I was growing up. I loved to ask them about when
they got in trouble as kids. For some reason, those
were my favorite stories. Maybe it just made me
feel better about myself. I don't know. But if your family is
anything like mine, there may actually have
been some legendary stories in your family, right? Stories that you
enjoyed hearing over and over and over and
stories you ask your parents or maybe somebody else
in your family to tell over and over and over. But, here's the thing. While those events are
happening in the past, nobody is thinking in
terms of story, right? What are they thinking? They're thinking in
terms of current events. I mean, it wasn't a story, it was something that was
happening in the moment. And this sets us up for
where we're headed today. Every significant or unusual
current event in your life, even a season of life,
once it's behind you, once it's behind us,
what do we do with it? We reclassify it as a story, a story we tell or a story we
hope we never have to tell, a story too embarrassing
or painful to tell. And often, the
determining factor as to whether or not we
want that story to be told is the decisions we made while the story was
unfolding, right? The truth is, we write
the story of our lives one decision at a time. Whether it's a
thoughtful response or an emotionally
fueled reaction, we write the story of our
lives one decision at a time. More on that in just a minute. Today, we're in part
three of our series, better decisions, fewer regrets. And the big idea, the big
idea behind this series is simply this, it's the
often overlooked relationship between good questions
and good decisions. And as we've said,
good questions set us up for good decisions. In fact, in some way, our
decisions are no better than the questions that we ask or the questions we
don't think to ask. And here's the promise
of this series. If you will ask and if
you will answer honestly, and then if you will act
on your honest answer to the five questions that
this series is built around, I promise you, you will
make better decisions and consequently, you'll
live with fewer regrets. Your life will
actually be better. And the people who look to you,
the people who depend on you their lives will
be better as well because, and you know this,
we aren't the only people. We aren't the only people
impacted by our decisions. And we are not the
only people impacted by our regrets either. Now the one I suggested
you memorize this saying, a saying from the Book of
Proverbs, and here's the saying. I hope some of you
have memorized this. "The prudent see danger,
the prudent see danger," and they do something. They respond appropriately. "They take refuge, "but the simple," or the naive "they just keep on going
and they pay the penalty." And the reason I want you to
commit that saying to memory is this, as simple
and as straightforward as these five questions are, they will bring you
into conflict with
the sales associate that lives in your head, just
as they bring me into conflict with the sales associate
that lives in my head. Because this little
sales associate that
lives in your head and his or her voice sounds
a lot like your voice, right, they want you to act now. They want you to decide fast. They want you to
focus on the immediate rather than the ultimate. And this verse is a reminder
to look beyond the moment and not to look away from the
potential danger associated with one of the options you catch yourself
selling yourself on. These five questions
will slow you down and they will create
the perspective you need to see danger coming. This verse will give you
the perspective you need to connect the dots between
the options you're considering and a future you may prefer or a future you would
prefer to avoid. Now last time we introduced the
first of our five questions. The first question was
the integrity question. And the integrity question is, am I being honest with myself? Am I being honest
with myself really? So I hope since the
last time we met you have been being honest
with yourself, really, and I hope you've been
being honest with yourself even if the truth about yourself made you feel a little
bad about yourself. Because as we said last time, acknowledging where we
are is the first step to getting where we
ultimately want to be. So when making a decision of
any magnitude, ask yourself, am I being honest
with myself really? Today is the second question and I call this the
legacy question. The legacy question. Anytime you're making a
decision of any magnitude or of any consequence,
I want you to pause and ask the legacy
question which is, what story do I want to tell? What story do I wanna tell? Think about it this way. When this decision or maybe
this entire season of life, when this relationship, when
this business transaction is reduced to simply
a story that you tell, what story do you wanna tell? What story do you wanna tell? Do you wanna be the hero or
do you wanna be the villain? Do you wanna be the good example or do you wanna be
the bad example? Which option will make this
a story worth remembering as opposed to a story or
you hope no one ever tells and no one ever finds out about? Which option would make
this a story you'll be proud to tell your children someday, maybe even your grandchildren? And here's the good news. Here's the good news. You get to decide, but you
decide one decision at a time because as far as
it is up to you, you write the story of your
life one decision at a time. And every decision you make,
every decision you make becomes a permanent
part of the story, the story of your life. Every decision you make has
an outcome, a consequence or a result, may be good or
bad, desirable, undesirable, expected, unexpected,
whatever the case. That outcome becomes
a permanent part of the story of your life. Your boss comes along and he
asks you to lie to a client and you choose to
lie to the client and the client finds
out and calls you on it. And the boss lays the blame
on you and you lose your job. Now, part of your
story is that you lied and you lost your
job because you lied. It's not a good story. What about this story? Your boss asks you to lie
and you choose not to lie and you lose your job because you wouldn't do what
your boss asked you to do. It's not a great story, but
that's a better story, right? Or how about this one? You met this guy, he
was just kind of okay. He was convenient. There wasn't anybody
else on the horizon. Something in you knew this really wasn't
something you should pursue but you did anyway. And two years later, the
whole thing just evaporated. It's pretty much a story you
hope no one even asks you about a story that no one
finds out about. How about this one? Your friends wanted
you to go out, but you had an exam to
study for and you said, no. You stayed in and you studied
and you aced the exam. And that was a decision you
made over and over and over and now you have a
degree to show for it. That's a good story. The point is simply
this, every decision and the outcome of that decision
becomes part of your story which means decision
by decision, you are
writing the story of your life. That's why when you're making
a decision of any magnitude you've gotta pause,
look ahead, and think, when this is nothing
more than a story I tell, what story do I want to tell? The decision you are wrestling
with right now, right now is gonna be nothing more than
a story you tell someday. What story do you want to tell? Now, the challenge
with this is this, in the midst of current events, in the midst of circumstances, we don't think of our
lives in terms of story. Now it is a story, but
we don't think that way. For example, if you
recently lost your job, surviving this
season without a job, well, one day, this is just
gonna be a story that you tell. What story do you wanna tell? I lost my job, I
was embarrassed, I started drinking too much. I racked up some
unnecessary debt. I lost the respect of
my friends and my kids. That's not a great story. It's understandable,
I mean, losing a job. I mean, going for a
prolonged period of time without work is terrifying. It's terrifying. But the decisions we
make in the valleys eventually are just stories
we tell on the other side. Or maybe back to the dating
thing, you're dating someone and things are going okay but there's someone
else in the picture. And yeah, she's
married or he's married but you find yourself
gravitating in their direction and they seem to be gravitating
in your direction as well. And you get the sense
that if you're willing, they're willing, your decision, your decision will be a
permanent part of your story and hers or/and his. What story do you wanna tell? I got involved with someone
at work who was married. I ended up busting
up a marriage. Now their kids ping pong between
two homes on the weekends. Is that the story
you wanna tell? I don't think so. Now, here's something that I
think is true of all of us. You'd like to be able to
tell your entire story without skipping any parts,
without skipping any chapters or having to lie about
the details, right? I mean, someday, you'd
like to be able to sit down with your kids or maybe
even your grandkids or maybe someone you hope to spend the rest
of your life with and tell your entire story. And isn't it true you'd like
to be the hero in your story? I mean, I think
we all want that. And I think going
forward, you can have that but it will require you to
stop mid decision and ask, what story do I want to tell? Which of the available options
do I want as a permanent part of my story? Now, I think one of the reasons
we don't think about story when we're making decisions
is we get distracted by the pressure and the
emotions of the moment, right? I mean, emotion, when it
comes to decision-making, emotion is like a fog. It causes us to lose sight
of the broader context which is our story. And you know how this works. You're up against the deadline. You've gotta decide and
you've gotta decide soon. If you won't marry
me, I'm leaving. Nobody wants to be left. If you don't make your
quota, you're fired. Nobody wants to be fired. I mean, when you're forced to
make a decision under pressure it is hard to think
about tomorrow much less your story, right? Because you've gotta
get through today. So whether it's love
or fear or jealousy, the emotions associated with
the decision making process, they always complicate
the process by
focusing our attention on the immediate, rather
than the ultimate. And consequently, we're left
thinking in terms of options, not our story. And the challenge is, and
you know this, there are no emotionally neutral
decision-making
environments, right? I mean, when it comes
to big decisions, it is almost impossible
to be objective because of the way we feel
because of our emotions. This is why your worst decision,
and I know we've never met. So I'm taking a gamble here. But my guess is your worst
decision was fueled by something with strong emotional
appeal, right? Maybe a first marriage that was pretty much
doomed from the start, that purchase, that lease. I mean, it was so
appealing, you bought it. It was so appealing you
ate it, you smoked it. It was so appealing you dated it and you moved in with it, right? And if you're in retail sales, you know exactly how this works. You know about the worst thing that you can let a potential
customer do is leave the store or leave the showroom
without making the sale, why? Well, you know why. Because once they walk
out, what happens? The emotional appeal of your
product begins to subside and they're far less likely
to make the purchase. We've all experienced that. Now, psychologists actually
have a name for this dynamic. It explains why once our
appetites are engaged in the decision making process, to some degree we kind
of lose our minds. This cognitive bias has
been labeled focalism. Focalism because the victims, and we've all been
a victim of this, the victims hyper
focus on the one thing to the neglect of pretty
much everything else. If you've ever been in
love, and I hope you have, if you've ever been in
love you were a victim or maybe you are currently
a victim of focalism. It's wonderful. All you can see is him,
all you can see is her. The point being this. In emotionally charged
decision-making environments, whenever there is an emotionally charged
decision-making environment, we think in terms of our
options, not our stories. So here's a tip. When confronted, when confronted with anything or anybody with strong
emotional appeal, press pause, not play, because strong emotional appeal, strong emotional appeal
should trigger a red flag not necessarily a green light. Instead of leaning in,
we should step back. Not because, and
this is important. Not because he's not the
one, he may be the one. Not because it's not a great
investment opportunity. It may be a great
investment opportunity. Not because it's
not the perfect job. It may be the perfect job. But in spite of that,
we should step back because anything was
strong emotional appeal, even the right thing,
clouds our judgment. So, just hit pause, get your bearings and go
home and think about it. Call a friend and for sure, consider,
consider, consider your story. Because when you
consider your story, it places the
decision-making process within the broader context
of our entire lives. Now, the Old Testament
story of Joseph. The Old Testament
story of Joseph I think is a great
reminder of how powerful and legacy preserving
this question is. This is why I call it
the legacy question. Now, many of you are so
familiar with this story you could tell it yourself. So I'll give you the
condensed version. Around 1800 B.C., a
17-year-old named Joseph, the 11th of 12 sons finds
himself in a no-win situation that is not of his own making. His father, Jacob, loved him
more than all the other boys because Joseph's mother was
his father's favorite wife which fueled the fires
of jealousy in his
10 older brothers. Eventually, as
you probably know, their jealousy gets
the best of them. They decide to kill Joseph. In the end, they
lose their nerve and decide to sell him instead which is a bit more merciful
and way more profitable. And they sell him
to slave traders. And then they tell their
dad that he was killed by a wild animal. And now, and this is important. Now these 10 young
men, think about this. These 10 young men have a secret that they are
forced to live with for the rest of their lives. They have a chapter
in their lives they will be
embarrassed to tell. I was so jealous of
my younger brother that I, along with my other
nine brothers, beat him up and sold him. There were 10 of
us and one of them. Who wants to tell that story? And then we lied to my
father and broke his heart and said that his favorite
son had been killed by a wild animal. That's not a good story. And now, and now Joseph's
brothers are liars for life. Please don't decide anything
that makes you a liar for life. Here's why. Whatever you gain in the moment will not be worth what
you're forced to carry into the moments that follow. Back to Joseph. So Joseph ends up on the
auction block in Egypt where he's purchased by a
military officer named Potiphar. And now Joseph has
a decision to make. Do I run? Do I do what most slaves
do as little as possible with as bad an attitude
as I can get by with? Or do I throw myself into
this whole slave thing with everything I've got? Interesting dilemma
for a rich kid who grew up as his
father's favorite son. And here's what makes
this story so relatable for many of us. None of this, none
of this is his fault. Somebody else took
control of his story. His story like parts of
your story were hijacked, commandeered by evil
people, selfish people. So why try, why care? That's always the temptation when someone else decides
our story in a bad direction. But somehow in some way, Joseph overcomes the
negative inertia, the temptation to just throw
up his hands and give up. He refuses to throw up his
hands and let fate have its way. Instead, he decides to
serve Potiphar's household as if it were his own. And eventually Potiphar notices and he gives Joseph
even more responsibility and he ends up in charge of
Potiphar's entire household. Then, if you think about it, that's kind of a story
worth telling, right? I was kidnapped once,
I was sold twice, I was a victim but I decided
not to live like a victim. That was the story
that Joseph decided. That was the story
that Joseph was writing but then the music
changed, right? If you know this story, you
know that his story intersected with somebody else's
story, Potiphar's wife, and he finds himself once again,
through no fault of his own in a no-win situation because Potiphar's wife insists
that he become her lover, probably one of many lovers. And Joseph has two options, neither of which would
lead to a good outcome. And it's important to
understand in this culture, this was not primarily
a moral issue. This was a life or death
issue, more like death or death because either way he decided,
he could lose his life. And just to point it out he's
about 19 or maybe 20 years old when this part of
his story unfolds. And once again, he opts
for the better story. And it's at this
juncture in his story, and it's one of the
reasons I wanted to rehearse this story with you, even though it's so familiar, it's at this juncture
in Joseph's story that he employs a powerful,
powerful technique, something we should all employ. Here's what he does. Joseph actually rehearses
his story out loud as the context for his
response to Potiphar's wife. This is how we know
he made his decision within the context
of his life story. So what I'm gonna do is I'm
gonna kind of paraphrase the first part of his response and then I'll read the second
part straight from the text. Essentially, here's
what he said. Mrs. Potiphar, I came
to this land as a slave. I had no rights and no future. Your husband purchased me and I did my best to
serve him and you. And through my hard
work and my diligence and through God's help, I've gained the trust
of your husband. He's put me in charge
of the entire household. In other words, my story is
getting better all the time. And then he says
this, and I quote. "With me in charge of the
household, he told her, "my master does
not concern himself "with anything in the house. "Everything he own, he
has entrusted to my care. "No one, no one is greater
in this house than I am. "My master has withheld
nothing from me except you, "because you are his wife." Implication. That's your story. Mrs. Potiphar, you really
need to think this through. Do you really want affair
with a Hebrew slave as part of your story? And then Joseph steps back into
the broadest context of all. In light of all that's happened, in light of your husband's
confidence in me, in light of God's mercy to
me, he asked this question. "How then." in
light of all that, in light of the way
my story is going, "how then could I do
such a wicked thing "and sin against God?" Why would I want, why would
I want to add adultery to what's turning out to
be a pretty good story with an ending I never
dreamed possible? In other words, which of
these stories, Mrs. Potiphar, do I wanna tell? I only have two options. Story number one, your
husband gave me an opportunity I never dreamed
would come my way. I was faithful to him and the
God who has been watching over and looking out for me. That's a good story or story. Or story number two. Your husband gave
me an opportunity I never dreamed
would come my way, so I took advantage of his trust and had an affair with his wife. Which story do I wanna tell? Which story do you wanna tell? When the decision you are in
the middle of making right now is nothing more than
a story you tell, what story do you wanna tell? Now, as you probably know, Joseph decided the better
of those two stories. He did the right thing, but the right thing
turn out for Joseph. Potiphar's wife accuses
him of trying to rape her and Joseph ends up
in Pharaoh's dungeon. But Joseph's story wasn't over and your story
isn't over either. Now, it's true when
we find ourselves in a long difficult season, in a long difficult
chapter of our story, it feels like this chapter
is the entire story. But it doesn't have to be. Oftentimes, it's our responses, our decisions in those
difficult chapters that make all the difference. That make all the difference
between a story that ends bad and a story that ends well. Now, if you're familiar
with Joseph's story, you know that while
he was in prison, Joseph does the same thing
he did in the dungeon as he did in
Potiphar's household. He decides well and over time he wins the
favor of the prison ward. Now, nobody's life ambition is to win the favor of a
prison ward, but you know what? He just decided to
do what he could do with what he had to work with. And before long, he's pretty
much running the place. Several years later, and don't
let that go by too quickly. Several years later, he
finds himself being ushered into Pharaoh's presence
to interpret a dream because Pharaoh had a dream that he believed
had significance for
the nation of Egypt. And none of his magicians
could interpret the dream. And then, in another surprising
twist in Joseph's story, Joseph assures Pharaoh that he can't interpret
the dream either. And I think there was a
gasp in the throne room when he said that. And then he looks
at Pharaoh and says, "But God," God as
in the Hebrew God, which is a dangerous
thing to say to someone who
considers himself a god, God, the Hebrew God can
interpret the dream for Pharaoh. Fortunately, that day Pharaoh
was more curious than furious and he lets Joseph proceed
with dream interpretation. So according to Joseph
and according to the dream as he understood, Egypt
would experience seven years of record breaking
grain harvest. Essentially, the Egyptians
would be swimming in grain. And here's why that
was a big deal. Bread was a staple for ancient
people, all ancient people. So grain was the primary
source for basically what constituted the dominant
portion of the standard diet which means if there's no
grain, people literally starve. So this was great news, but
that was just half of the dream. Egypt would
experience seven years of record-breaking grain
harvest followed by a famine So severe, Joseph said, that
everybody's gonna forget all about the seven good years. Now, when Joseph finished
interpreting the dream, everybody in the
throne room assumed that Joseph was finished and
he would be escorted out. but Joseph wasn't finished. And he does the unthinkable and he gives Pharaoh
unsolicited advice. Now, nobody gave the
Pharaoh unsolicited advice, especially a foreigner who still smelled a
bit like the dungeon. But this was advice
he gave Pharaoh. He said, oh, Pharaoh,
somebody needs to wake up every single day
focused on this problem. Somebody needs to wake up
every single day focused on preparing Egypt
for what's coming. So choose somebody you trust and put them in charge
of grain storage. Silence in the throne room as everybody waited to find
out what unimaginable horror awaited this arrogant Hebrew who would dare to
give Pharaoh advice. But Pharaoh smiles. And he says to the
people standing around, "Can we find anyone
like this man, "one in whom is
the spirit of God?" And then Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Since God," Joseph's God. "Since God has made
all this known to you, "there is no one so
discerning and wise as you." And then to the shock and awe
of everyone standing there, "You shall be in
charge of my palace, "and all my people are
to submit to your orders. "Only with respect to the throne "will I be greater than you." And in this moment, Pharaoh makes Joseph the
prime minister of Egypt. And once again, Joseph
did what Joseph did. He decided well, and
he devotes himself to this unprecedented
opportunity. Seven years later,
as he predicted, a famine devastates that
region of the world. Once everybody's personal
grain cupboards are bare, Joseph opens the federal grain
silos and feeds the nation. And before long, people from
all over that part of the world are caravaning to
Egypt to buy grain, including, if you
know this story, including Joseph's brothers. And when they arrived, he
happened to be out that day and he recognized
them immediately. But of course, they
did not recognize their 30-year-old brother
whom they had not seen since he was about 17 years old. Now, if you've never read this
story in Genesis, you should. There are so many
fascinating details. We don't have time
to explore today. But in the end, Joseph
finally reveals his identity to his 10 older brothers
and they are speechless. Actually, they are terrified
and they beg for mercy they know they don't deserve
and in all likelihood will not receive. And they were sure,
they were so sure Joseph would do to them what
they had done to him because that's exactly
what they would do to him if they were in
Joseph's position. But, and here's the
point of the story, Joseph wasn't anything
like his brothers. And do you know why? Because throughout his life,
Joseph refused to react and in refusing to react,
he avoided becoming like the people he didn't like. He decided. He against the gravitational
pull of bitterness. So consequently, now
that he's got the power, he is free and he is free
to write a better story. He decided his life
in a different, in
a better direction. He decided a story
worth telling. That's why we're
telling his story. And in that moment, he
made a big decision. He decided revenge would
not be part of his story. So in addition to rescuing
Egypt from the famine, Joseph rescues his entire family
and their families as well and he moves them all to Egypt. Now, that is a
story worth telling. A story he decided one decision,
one response at a time. Which brings me back to us,
which brings me back to you. What story? What story do you want to tell? What story do you
want told about you? Like Joseph, like his brothers, you're writing the
story of your life one decision at a time. Don't do what as brothers did. Never, ever ever
choose the option that makes you a liar for life. Listen, this is so important. Long after, long after
whatever you gained is gone, you'll be left with your lie. You'll be left with a story
you won't be proud to tell. Every relational, financial,
professional, academic decision and the outcome of
those decisions, they become a permanent
part of your story. So write a good one. Decide a good one. And if you haven't decided
a good one up to this point, remember this, your current
chapter is just that, it's a chapter. It's not the whole story. So, as we wrap up, I wanna challenge you to
make a decision right now. I wanna challenge you
to make this decision. I'll decide a story
I'll be proud to tell. I'll decide a story I
will be proud to tell. Every time, every time
you're faced with a decision of any magnitude, ask, when this is nothing
more than a story I tell, what story do I want to tell? And then, decide accordingly. Because you write the
story of your life one decision at a
time, write a good one.
