How To Be True To Yourself | ANDY STANLEY

[Music] we were a change to this girl together we can do it we believe Oh [Music] Wow that way and it's not Hey [Music] so today I want to start with something that I think that we all have in common and then move to something that hopefully we all have in common but here's something that we all have in common we all want to be known or something you may have given this no thought you may think about this too much but the truth is all of us want to be known for something in other words when you come to mind other words when you come to mind when you think about yourself when you come to mind you have some adjectives in mind in other words if somebody were to stop you and say hey what do you want people to think when they think about you whether you've given it a lot of thought or not something comes to mind because we all have adjectives in mind when we come to mind they determine a lot of things about us these adjectives determine our social media they determine what we say about ourselves what we hide from other people what we put right out front what we listen for what hurts our feelings the list goes on and on and on and it's certainly and it impacts what goes on Instagram right so here's the question and this what we're going to talk about for a few minutes what do you want to be known for what is it that you want to be known for so in the spirit of transparency what I thought I would do is I would start with me and tell you what I want to be known for and then we'll start right here with you young lady and we're going to go right down the row we're all going to share and if you're at home you know we're all going to share what we know we're not going to do that obviously but I am going to tell you what I want to be known for because it kind of sets us up for where we're going to go today and not that this is all about me but and this is an out rather you keep this in the room okay when I did I said I was thinking about this if I'm going to ask this question need to answer I thought what do we want to be known for and this is I don't think I've ever said this out loud before but I think I want to be known for a couple of things and these aren't in priority these are just you know they're probably not in fact the first one isn't the most important one the first thing that I thought of was and I think this comes from my childhood is I want to be known for being smart and I think I know why because as I've told you this isn't new news and I wouldn't I hope that you wouldn't tell anybody this either because when I took three algebra in the 8th grade my first test score a lot of you know this my first test score was a note I'm not making this up my teacher gave me the test back and she just wrote on the top and red ink I can still see it it's edge to memory no she didn't March anything wrong she just gave me a note not kidding second test no so went home and tried to average those together yeah so anyway so I think because I was scarred in the eighth grade there's something in me that I've never felt like I was smart and so my the first thing that came to mind when I asked this question is I want to be I want to be known as smart which is really kind of weird and then of course I really want to be known as a great father and a great husband I mean that's you know I think a lot about that a lot of you would feel the same way and I can go on and on but there's just two or three things that just immediately want to ask this question what do I want to be known for so so what about you I mean if you if you had to turn to somebody that you know or maybe a stranger or if you think about would you spend your time thinking about or what you spend your time protecting and pretending and hiding and covering and kind of putting out there woody it's an important question what do you want to be known for and then we're going to take it a little bit level deeper as we move forward what what do you do what do you do and what do you do when you don't measure up I mean you here's what I want to be known for here's how I want to project myself here's a way what up here's the adjectives I want to come to people's mind when they think about me but what do you do when you don't measure up and specifically what do you do and you don't measure up to you and I know what you do you do what I do we pretend and we excuse sometimes we mislead and we begin to and we can't help it we begin to manage our image but the problem with managing our image is it makes us imaginary think about that when you begin to manage your image when you are of something on the inside and you're projecting something different on the outside you become without meaning to you become an imaginary person and it is impossible try as you might try as I might it is impossible to be genuine it's impossible to have genuine friendships it's even impossible to have genuine intimacy in an important relationship or marriage because you're not genuine and you can't have genuine relationships if you aren't genuine and you can't be genuine as long as you're trying to manage an image and as long as there's this giant gap between what you hope people think about you what I hope people think about me and what they actually think about me and it the bad news gets a little bit worse because the moment we start pretending we stop growing we get older we don't get better we get older we don't get deeper we don't get I like this word we don't get finer if you have ever met people you have I already know the answer you've met people are you know people and and if you were to describe them if you were to give them an adjective you would just say you know what the best description of her the best description of him he's just a fine person she's just a fine person you just you don't get finer you don't get finer when you start pretending you actually what you do is you get stuck now I know all about this because pastors just to speak on behalf of pastors pastors like me we are the worst when it comes to this and the reason we're the worst is because if you're a parent or you're an older brother or sister you can appreciate this you know how has an older brother sister you want your younger brother or sister kind of think the best of you you sort of put your best foot forward if you're a parent you do this all the time you want your kids you don't wanna lose your moral authority with your kids and so you're always on around your kids or at least you probably should be because you know you want your you just want your kids to not lose respect for you well when you do what I do everybody's your kid okay in a way it's like everywhere you go it's like you just want to be so careful and so for me you're people who do what I do and this is why it's such a big deal to me maybe maybe this is just counseling on stage of the microphone but to the degree and here's the deal I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me because we're all fall into this rut to some extent to the degree that my lifestyle are to the degree that my marriage or even to the degree that my faith veers from what I present it to be to you and to the people around me to the degree that there's any gap between what I present myself as or even what I speak about to the degree that there's a gap to that degree I feel the pressure to pretend and to make it worse if you're honest you would prefer that I pretend you want me to be what you hope I am in other words what you don't want is you don't want me to get up and say hey we're beginning a brand new series on self-control and before we jump into this series I just want to thank the elders for sending somebody to pick me up last night because I had a few too many and they got me home on time so I want to say thanks to the elders now let's talk about self-control you do not want to hear that it's like that's too much information keep it to yourself get a counselor I want to live with the illusion that you are what you pretend to be imagine the pressure that is for me but you have that same pressure in some capacity right imagine this imagine I get it and say now today we're beginning a brand new series called making the most of marriage and before we begin I just want to thank my sweet wife Sandra see she said last night that she's going to give me one more chance okay now let's talk about marriage right but you don't want to know that you don't want to hear that you want to you know you in Sanders here today I ask permission to use that illustration okay oh and by the way okay you don't this I'm not looking for a clap today is actually our anniversary so how about that yeah okay 20 not no 29 yeah 29 new that 29 awesome awesome years 29 years yeah but the point is if things were falling apart it's like you just don't know so that's the pressure so again but we all have that you have it at home you have it at work you have it you don't have it everywhere so the truth is the truth is most of us most of us have gaps there's just gaps okay there are gaps between what the edges we want used about us the adjectives we use about ourselves you know what I want to be what I want people to think I am and what I really am because nobody knows you better than you and between what are who you want to be known for and what and who we actually are known for there are these discrepancies there's these gaps so what do we do we all pretend except to some level we all hide this except to some extent and we all cover then it gets even worse okay and now we're going to talk about you instead of me and where where do we pretend the best right here at church I mean look at you you're like all on your best behavior okay every couple looks happy even if you're not holding hands okay all of you look like you must have perfect perfect kids you all look like you have great jobs and you love your jobs and that you're wealthy I mean you guys I mean it obviously I mean look at you you're amazing at all of our churches all of our campuses if there is ever a place to pretend to have it all together Church is the place you may have screamed your lungs out in the minivan on your way but when you got out of your minivan you put a smile on your face you had warned your kids to the point where they are going to be on there they're not even going to speak until you get back in the car to go home right we are all on our best behavior at church and the reason we pretend anywhere but maybe particularly the reason we pretend to church is that people knew what we were really like they would like us if people knew what I was really like they wouldn't like me but here's the jumping-off point for the next few minutes if people don't know what you really like they don't really like you they just like the image they like Instagram they like the social media you they like the adjectives that you have convinced them are true of you if P if if people don't know what you really like they don't really like you in fact it's possible that you're watching or you're one of our rooms today and nobody this is a horrible thing to say and nobody really likes you because nobody really knows you and you have become like we're all tempted to become every single one of us feel as pressure I feel this pressure to become kind of a pretender holic and until we embrace this is this is true for all of us until we embrace who and where we really are we can't get to where we need to be until you face up to until you embrace who you really are and where you really are you can't get to where you want to be we can't get to where we need to be so it's true we want to be known for something but what we really need is to be known by some some ones we all maybe even beginning with me certainly including me with me we all need relationships we can drop the pretense we all need relationships where we can kind of drop all the manufactured cool and courageous and confident and got it all together and everything's organized all the time we need a place where we can drop all of that without fear of being judged and without fear of being rejected and here's the proof here's the proof of what I'm saying when you find that environment when you find that group of people you are attracted to them whether they are healthy or not when you find an environment where you can drop all the pretense where you can truly just let your hair down and be yourself and you're not going to feel judged you are drawn to that environment whether it is a healthy environment or not and here's what you say we all say this we see those people those people are real those people are free those are real people in fact you may not like church because you've never met real people but there's some other environment we'd say you know those people are free when I go to church they all look like they all have their act together but when I'm with this group when I'm with this group when I'm at this place those people are for real and maybe they are for real but maybe there's something else going on maybe those people were the first people you were real with and when you were real with them you got known and when you got known it felt good and maybe for the first time or one of the first times in your life you felt like somebody really liked you and they really liked you because they really knew you because you allowed yourself to be known this is why rehab romances are so prevalent people fall in love and Rehab all the time and why do they fall in love and written rehab all the time because they're around such healthy people no because they're around people who are just like them and it's like finally someone understands me would you marry me finally someone understands me I'm in love with you because and I'm not being critical it's so powerful when you are known when you are truly known we're not known like hey just do whatever you want to be whoever you want we don't care that's not known that's not love either but when there when you find an environment when you find a circle of people when you find a group of people and you can truly be who you truly are and yet you feel like they have your best interest in mind that is a powerful powerful powerful thing in fact you were made you were created for that now here's the part of the message you won't believe and I'm gonna have to spend a few minutes trying to convince you that the place where this is supposed to happen believe it or not the place where we are to be known the most the place where we should have the most freedom to be transparent and at the same time committed to becoming everything that we want to be and the adjectives that we've kind of laid out there for ourselves the place designed for that believe it or not is the church not big Church real Church now that may not have been your experience in church in fact is we're going to see in the next few minutes there's attention around this whole idea but if you've had a bad idea about the church or maybe you're not you don't go to church anymore because of a bad experience you need to know that the essence of church is this very thing that we're talking about the church is to be the primary environment where that kind of known this can happen here's why I say that in the very first church you heard a First Baptist Church First Methodist Church First Presbyterian Church this was first Jerusalem Church which was like the very first church and in the very first church in the very first century the very first pastor the very first church in the very first century which was one of Jesus very own brothers the pastor that church James said this about church check this out he says church here's what you're supposed to do I want you to confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed so what we're going to do in just a few minutes not right now is I'm going to ask you to stand and find a total complete stranger and I want you to confess your deepest darkest sin to that person and then allow them to confess theirs to you and I would suggest you not go first we're not going to do that in fact when you read a verse like this I know what you think the same thing I do you think okay I'm not going to confess my sins to anybody I'm going to confess my sins to God and keep it between me and God because I don't want anybody to know what I'm up to which is the same thing as saying I don't want anybody to know me I don't want anybody to know what's inside me I don't want to be known I don't know what's wrong with my marriage I don't know what's wrong with my friendships I don't know why I'm so lonely I'm surrounded by people but I'm so lonely I don't know what's wrong but I don't want anybody to know me James Dez let me tell you what the church is for the church is for this confess your sins to each other and pray for each other pray for each other based on what you know about each other so that you may be healed there is extraordinary power in being known there is something that happens on the inside that can't happen on the inside and so you're willing to do something on the outside but let me just be honest with you and kind of take a little pressure off we're not going to do that in here in fact we can't do that in here that would just be weird in here in fact in rows it's actually impossible to do some of the most important in fact the most important thing a church is designed to do another pastor wrote this first century me this is when the whole thing got started they know they knew what real church was all about here's what another pastor says he said and let us consider how we may spur one another on LaVette spur one another on toward love and good deeds in the words Heys christians we're supposed to be all about loving people and we're supposed to be all about doing good deeds doing good for other people he says so I want you to figure out how to spur one another on this is not somebody stand up here and talk to a whole bunch of people and spur a whole bunch of people on it said no no this is a one another thing I want you to be in one another's lives to such an extent that you figure out how to spur or go Toor urge or encourage other people on two living lives characterized by love and lies characterized by good deeds but this is a one another thing well you can't do that in here either and he goes on this is not giving up meeting together it says you see you got to get together this is not a solo thing this isn't a lone ranger' thing this isn't a hey me and God are cool I don't need anybody else now you don't understand if that's how you think this is the church not giving up meeting together is summer in the habit of doing but encouraging one another now again if I said in just 15 minutes we're all going to stand up and I want you to find someone that you don't know and I want you to go them I want you to urge them on to love and good deeds well it would be so superficial like dude you know go get I'm going to love somebody kill to see you see what was your name I mean you can't do that in here I mean here we are we can't as a church do what the first church leaders told us that the church is to be characterized by can't do it pastor Paul you know Paul Kossoff all now he was like the expert he planted more churches than anybody else in the first century in fact he planted more churches than most pastors ever planned I mean he was the original church planter he was kind of the original pastor here's what he says the local church is supposed to look like feel like act like brothers and sisters he says if someone is caught in a sin so in just a few minutes um if you know anyone who has sinned we you know they would go against like we're not going to do this if anyone if you know anyone that's caught in the sin you who live by the spirit that is those of you who have submitted yourself to the will of God should restore that person gently that is your demean it should take this literally here to go out and try to catch people that's the word it uses catch people sinning aha I caught you sinning and now I'm going to try to restore you it's like you I'm not going to do that it's none of my business I don't even know her name I don't even know his name I mean I hope they get it worked out but I'm not just going to walk up and say aha I caught you now I'm going to restore you and yet Paul says this is what to characterize the local church and he says that it's Paul saying person says carry I love this carry each other's burdens carry each other's burdens well I'm going to carry your burden not going to know what your burden is if you're gonna carry my burden you've got to know what my burden is and you're never not and you're not you're never going to figure out anybody's burdens and here right you're never going to know my burden here's if I'd told you one of my burdens but you don't need to send me no you know I mean it just it just can't happen but look how he finishes this this is so important carry each other's burdens and in this way carrying each other's burdens is what this way refers to and in this way carrying each other's burdens you will fulfill the law of Christ and let me say what the law of Christ is the law of Christ Jesus when he left right before he was crucified he said okay there were 600 plus commands then I blowed it down to two now I'm just going to boil it down to one law of Christ the law of Christ is love other people the way that God through Christ is loves you that's the law of Christ I mean it when in doubt when you wonder what the Bible means when you wonder what the Bible says when you wonder what you're supposed to do if you're a Christian that comes down to that I am to love others the way that God through Jesus has loved me and he says here to carry each other's burdens and when you do you fulfill the law of Christ but I can't carry everybody's burdens and the only way to carry anybody's burden is to know what and anybody's burden is then he says this another one accept one another then just as Christ accepted you accept one another just as Christ has accepted you know do you know why God accepted you just the way you were do you know why God accepted just the way were so he could transform you into who he wants you to be the reason God accepted you this is the great news about being a Christian and if you're outside the faith or you used to be a Christian this is this is so important the reason that God accepted you just the way you are is not to leave you the way you are good parents don't do that you love and accept your kids but you you want them to grow up on mature the reason God accepted you just the way you are is that that he can transform you into who he wants you to be and do you know where you will best experience God's unconditional transformational acceptance with folks who are committed to and who are open to his transformational unconditional acceptance the way that you are transformed is by being around people who are being transformed and being around people who are being transformed to the level that you understand what God is doing on the inside of them and once again that's not going to happen in here and I love in here I make a living doing what I do in here in here is awesome but in here we can't even actually do what the locals is most designed and best equipped to do and that's why I need that's why you need that's why we all need a therapist no that's why you need it's why I need it's why I've been in for over 20 years a circle because it's in a circle it's in a group it's in a with a handful of people who are one another in one another that's where the action is that's where the essence of church happened that's where life on life transformation happens that's where you carry one another's burdens that's where you accept one another that's where you're accepted that's where you're able to be honest that's when you're able to confess your sins and realize they're not going to kick you out of the group in fact they're going to pray for you and somebody else in your group is going to say you know what me too and somebody else is going to say me too and all of a sudden you're going to realize I'm not alone that we're not the only couple struggling that I'm not the only guy struggling that I'm not the only woman who feels like you know I'm never going to meet anybody all of a sudden you realize that there are more people like me dealing with what I'm dealing with in at the same time we don't want to be left where we are we want to become everything God wants us to be in the New Testament says over and over and over and over that that kind of transformation happens in life on life and that's why we are so committed we are so committed to circles rather than rows about 22 years ago in October will be 22 years old and 20 to 22 years ago we committed big time with our budget with our staffing with everything we committed to being real Church / big Church now we got big but at the very beginning before we were big we committed that we were going to be real Church that is we were going to emphasize circles over and along with rows and we knew that we had to create an opportunity for real to happen somewhere because we knew that it wasn't going to happen in an environment like this and you know how we knew that we knew that because those of us who started at this church looked across the table at each other and I knew that I needed it and Lane knew that he needed it and Julie knew that she needed it and so what we basically did is we created a place for people like us acceptance with a view to improvement that what the church is all about you know why because that's what Jesus is all about you know why because that's the gospel the gospel is for God so loved the world that he sent His only begotten Son not to just leave you a love note and leave you but to move into your life in such a way that he transforms you from the inside out and the way he does that is through the body it's through the church it's through other people who are sharing the same journey and on the same journey in acceptance with a view to improvement and the place that happens is in a circle where someone knows your burden so they can carry it where you know their burden and they can carry it you can carry it where people are able to be who they really are so that they're really known because only when you're really known do you get deeper you get better do you get finer now we know this we cannot manufacture we cannot program and we cannot force transparency we can't force authentic relationship but we've been doing this a long time and we have figured out a way to set the table to where those kinds of changes and those kinds of relationships happen naturally and the results we've been doing this a long time many of you would say hey I could tell you my story in fact at Northpoint today we heard one the results are this real people real friends real change real people no more pretending I'm a pretend in the rows I'm a pretending we get out of a van I'm a pretend you know when I'm trying to you know put my butt in this group in this circle no more pretending real people real friends because you can't have a genuine relationship until you become genuine real change you don't change until you face where you are and who you are and that's the power of the circle that's the power of the church when we talk about groups if you're new to one of our churches or one of our campuses or you're watching online and considering us as possibly a church home we talk about groups we're talking about 10 to 12 people five couples six couples five 10 individuals 12 individuals meet three or four times a month generally through the school year but oftentimes these groups go for a year and a half sometimes two years during the time there's discussion we make PDFs available of all the messages and all the questions for all the messages so that you can discuss what you heard and hear in rows because I'm telling you as much as I like to preach and as clear as I try to be it's not until you ask the difficult questions and are asked the difficult questions that a sermon becomes meaningful in your individual life so we discuss the messages we pray together we tell our stories together and then of course we eat we have couples groups we have men's groups we have women's groups we have mixed groups where you know people who want to put singles who want to be with married people and marry people who want to be mixed with singles we have every kind of group imaginable because we really do believe as you've heard us say a thousand times the circles really are better than rows at the beginning of a brand new group we have a four-week study and here's how it works you sign up for a group you're in a four week study at the end of four weeks pardon my language you decide are these my people these are not my people honey we're not coming back to this group okay so we're going to give you four weeks getting an opportunity to experiment together with this group of people and at the end of four weeks you decide do we want to stay together for this entire school year do we want to stay together through an entire year you get to decide so we're going to give you a four week trial run with a group of people some that you may know some that you may not know some that you will be so glad you met that will become in some cases your dearest closest friends now this year we're going to do it a little bit differently we have an event called Group link many of you have been through a group link it's an out it's our way of helping people form groups in their neighborhood so we're going to do it a little bit differently so here's what I need you to do I need you to pull out your phone some of you've already been on your phone because you lost interest in the sermon 20 minutes ago but anyway if you would pull out your phone and on the lower on the bottom of your screens it's different at all of our churches there is a word and a number the number is the same it's eight eight five five five eight eight eight and we just need you to text that word to that number and here's what will happen we're going to send you a link we're not you're not signing up for anything you're not making any promises we just want to send you a link and that link will connect you to information about how to get in a group and specifically it's going to connect you to information about group link okay so if you're already in a group like Sandra and I are in a group and you're taking the summer off this is the time to round everybody out but we want everybody everybody everybody in a group this fall and there's several reasons why I've just talked about bunch of them but one of them is this next Sunday is you've already heard I'm starting a brand new series that's a series I did nine years ago called guardrails this is an extremely important series for all of us and the questions for each of these messages are really important in terms of taking this content and applying it so we want everybody in a group as soon as possible so you can begin working through this content now if you don't get in a group for another three weeks because you're going to go through a group link it's okay you can pick it up where the series is or you can begin this series over but we want everybody in our church in a group because we believe the church happens in circles not rose um now say this real quick the imaginary you the image you does not have time to be in a group I know that okay but the real you may be dying for this your marriage may be dying for this your marriage may be dying for a lack of this because then you're you know you're a couple and everybody thinks you met at Publix because that's the story decided to tell now we're going to tell people we met at public you didn't meet at Publix you met it well it wasn't Publix okay somebody needs to know that and you're wondering I don't know why we're struggling we got all this stuff going no nobody even knows your real story you need a place to tell you a real story everybody looks at you because they only see you kind of environment like this or at work and they're in the neighborhood walking and you're so cute you got it all together everybody thinks you're living some kind of wrinkle-free life and you desperately need an iron okay so we want you in a circle where you can get some of that stuff ironed out everybody thinks you have friends you don't even have any friends you just know a bunch of people right now and last thing is this if you're a parent okay as a parent parent to parent one of the greatest advantages one of the greatest advantages biggest advantages of being in a group was our children our three kids watching us prioritize Monday nights to be in a small group putting them to bed early saying stay upstairs do your homework don't bother us we're doing group and to see them peeking over the rail year after year year after year and say mom dad there you have in your group is this your small group for them to see us model a circle I'm telling you is so powerful and now my adult kids they think you're just supposed to be in a group they think that's just part of the Christian life is you got to be in a group the value of group life goes beyond what happens in your life and it goes beyond what happens in the lives of the people in your group the value of group life reaches into the next generation that's why we don't you to miss it so you want to be known for something absolutely you're already known for something we want you to be known by some some ones you're already known for something but are you known by anyone are you truly known as anybody really know what's going on in your relationships does anybody really know what's going on financially does anybody really know what's going on between you and your kids does anybody really know what's happening in your marriage we know who you're doing image management with but who are you doing life with and I understand this cultures I mean believe me I understand this culture says protect the image protect the image protect the image protect the image Jesus says I want you to come out from behind that Jesus says I want you to come out into the open not with everybody because you'll face the criticism you know you'll face but in my body with my people there's a safe place and if you will get real I will become more real to you than you ever ever ever imagined because our transparency I'm telling you this you've heard me say this before transparency which really translates into humility transparency humility is an invitation for your heavenly Father to show up in an unimaginable and real way in your life Jesus has dropped the image and allow me to go to work on you and how through the one anothers around you the church not big church circle Church hope you Thai hope you texted to that number I hope you'll check your email and I hope you'll check your junk mail if it goes there and I want you to click on that link and I want you to at least consider at least consider becoming a part of a small group that's when the church really becomes the church pray father thank you thank you for James thank you for the author of Hebrews thank you for the Apostle Paul who risk and all of those guys eventually gave their lives for the church what a gift to us so father would you give each of us the wisdom to know what to do with what we just heard would you give each of us the courage to do it and father I want to pray for our men and our churches for just a moment because we're a little bit stubborn I understand that father would you maybe even in this moment just break through that and give us the courage to take this step and do something so remarkable in our lives I pray that thousands of us would look back to this day in 2017 and say that was the day it all changed for me it wasn't a sermon it wasn't a church service it was that group it's a father have your will and we look forward to what you're going to do Jesus name Amen hey thanks so much for being here we will see you next week as we begin our brand-new series guardrails have a great week

Channel: North Point Community Church

Views: 117,426

Rating: 4.7358141 out of 5

Keywords: North Point Community Church, North Point, NorthPoint, North Point Atlanta, Andy Stanley, AndyStanley, Andy Stanley church, Andy Stanley message, Andy Stanley sermons, North Point church, NPCC, North Point youtube, Andy Stanley YouTube, groups, small groups, small groups message, life groups, life groups message, circles are better than rows, be know, be known for something

Id: qcXG97tShBM

Length: 35min 6sec (2106 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 06 2017