BETTER DECISIONS, FEWER REGRETS, PART 6 | February 7 | North Point Community Church

[Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] so today we're wrapping up our series better decisions fewer regrets and the big idea in this series is the often overlooked relationship between good questions and good decisions uh good questions actually set us up to make good decisions and i'm convinced that if you've been following along in this series that you're convinced as well that if you will ask answer honestly and act on your answer to the five questions we're talking about in this series you will make better decisions and consequently you will live with fewer regrets your life will be better and the people who look to you and depend on you their lives will be better as well because we aren't the only people impacted by our decisions right and we're not the only people impacted by our regrets either quick review the first question we explored was the integrity question the integrity question am i being honest with myself am i being honest with myself really you will never get to be where you want to be until you are honest about where you currently are the most difficult person to lead is always the person in the mirror so whenever you're making a decision of any consequence before you commit to an option ask yourself am i being honest with myself am i being honest with myself about why i'm doing this choosing this purchasing this calling him calling her back second question was the legacy question the legacy question is what story do i want to tell when the decision that you're in the process of making right now relational financial academic professional when the decision you're in the process of making right now when it's nothing more than a story you tell what story do you want to tell make it a story you're proud to tell in fact better than that be the hero in your own story not the villain be the person who exercised self-control not the person who lost control use your super power we've talked about that your respond ability that's your superpower and you decide your story one decision at a time because as far as it's up to you you write the story of your life one decision at a time i want you to write or decide a great story our third question was the conscience question is there a tension that deserves my attention is there attention that deserves my attention you're you're considering an option and you're thinking about doing something specific you're about to pull the trigger on the decision and everybody's nodding you know everything looks good on paper but there's just something about it that doesn't seem right something that you can't put your finger on when that happens pause and pay attention to that tension now last time we were together we explored the fourth question the maturity question and the maturity question is what is the wise thing to do in light of your past experience in light of your current circumstances in light of your future hopes and dreams what is the wise thing for you to do an option may be legal or acceptable or permissible not exactly immoral but is it wise remember this a decision a decision can be not wrong and not wise at the same time unwise decisions remember this unwise decisions are gateway decisions they lead to regret in fact your greatest regret your greatest regret was preceded by a series of unwise decisions how do i know that because it's true for all of us the decisions that preceded your greatest regret they they weren't wrong they weren't illegal but looking back they were terribly terribly unwise so decide wise and that brings us to our last question our fifth question is actually the relationship question now again if you've been a part of this series you know by now that most of these questions most of these questions are a bit terrifying because they are in fact so clarifying and by clarifying i'm referring to the fact that in most instances you know the answer to the question even before you finish asking the question right and once we know we can't unknow and once we know the answer to these questions we feel accountable we feel accountable to ourselves which is good and honestly it's a bit terrifying it actually reminds me of a question my mentor reggie campbell used to ask me he used to say this he said andy andy what do you hope i don't ask you about now that's a terrifying question right andy what do you hope i don't ask you about so i would dodge this question and i would say this well you can't ask that question reggie you've got to dig around a little bit that that's cheating you got to discover that for yourself and he would laugh and then he would repeat the question andy what do you hope i don't ask you about so our fifth and our final question is perhaps the most clarifying question of all but honestly in some ways it's the most terrifying question of all is clarifying and clarity come on clarity is often the thing we need to push us past our resistance to making a good decision and i promise you there will be resistance with this one in fact this may be the question you will be most tempted not to answer honestly because it will require the most of you so once again the disclaimer you don't have to act on your answer but you owe it to yourself to know the answer to this question because what you won't know what you refuse to know can hurt you and in this case what you refuse to know or acknowledge or admit is going to hurt the people closest to you as well again this is the relationship question and as i mentioned last time when you envision your future and it's true when you envision your future you never envision yourself alone there's always somebody beside you this is true of all of us and perhaps that somebody is already beside you our final question this fifth question will help you keep them there perhaps you're looking for that someone getting in the habit of asking this question now if you do that you will become the person that the person you're looking for is looking for because you know who you're looking for you're looking for someone amazing right so are they asking and acting on this fifth question will increase your amazing quotient i guarantee you but the benefit of asking this question this relationship question it actually extends beyond that special somebody this question when asked and answered honestly and then acted on it has the potential to enhance the quality of every single relationship you're in it has the power to restore broken relationships heal relationships it has the power honestly to rekindle romance to restore what was lost but before the big reveal another disclaimer unlike the other four questions in this series this one does not come with a guaranteed roi return on investment the the other four do but not this one here's what i mean you will always come out ahead by being honest with yourself really you'll you'll always have something to show for writing a story you're proud to tell um there will be a measurable return for paying attention to the tension and doing the wise thing you ask those other four questions you are going to benefit our first four questions always yield a favorable return sometimes immediately but always eventually but our fifth and final question is different there may be no tangible measurable or even noticeable return on your effort in asking this question while the first four questions are demanding in the moment our final question is demanding throughout every waking moment and the reason being our final question isn't about making your life better it's about making someone else's life better which may make your life better but honestly it may not however this fifth and final question should you have the courage to ask it and act on it positions you to make the world better so here we go throughout jesus ministry when you follow jesus through the gospels throughout his ministry he was constantly hinting at the fact that something new was on the horizon something designed to actually replace much of what was in place in first century judaism and while many people were hoping for political reform jesus had something entirely different in mind something much bigger than political reform something far more inclusive his hints his parables his foreshadowing they were all designed to create a sense of expectation in the minds and the hearts of his followers so when he entered jerusalem for his final visit you know this story crowds lined the streets to welcome him they knew something was up but their expectations were political regal messianic he had their attention but they did not understand his intention in fact even his 12 apostles were confused about his ultimate aim right up to the very end right up to the very end they are jockeying for positions of power and the soon-to-be-re-established independent kingdom of israel so on the night of his arrest he gathers them together for what would be their final passover meal and he finally reveals his intentions he makes he makes his intentions clear to begin with he announced that he was leaving and that was a problem as we've talked about before jesus was their security blanket wherever jesus went crowds gathered and the crowds kept jesus enemies from getting close so if jesus leaves if jesus goes missing odds are the apostles are probably going to go missing as well and not in a good way besides why would why would jesus leave now they were on the precipice of a revolution i mean the kingdom was about to be restored so on this final night together he spells it out for them in terms that well in terms that have become so familiar to many of us i'm afraid that they leave little to know or make little to no impact now we don't doubt they're true we don't doubt what jesus says is true after all jesus spoke these words but they these words don't rock us back on our heels they they don't send us rushing home or back to work or back to the neighborhood with an apology on our lips the these words um this command from the lips of our lord think about that they they just don't stand guard over our words like they should they don't stand guard over our responses our actions or our attitudes the way they were intended to in fact when when i read jesus words to you in just a moment you may be tempted to respond with oh i've heard that before oh that again which is unfortunate because these words spoken by jesus to his closest friends men who would earn their reputation for turning the world upside down these words explain the event that we cling to when we sin when we fall short isn't this true when you wonder where you stand with god when you wonder where you stand with god in those moments as a christian what do you lean into you lean into the event of christ's death on the cross as the payment for your sin right jesus died for me so i have a right standing with god but his death his death on the afternoon after he spoke these words was actually an illustration of these words and a reminder of how central these words are to our experience as jesus followers they they represent in a way the epicenter of the christian faith these these words are really what the kingdom of god looks like on earth paul who was um clearly rocked back on his heels by these words and actually never recovered when he wrote his letter to christians living in the roman province of galatia he said this he said the only thing the only thing that matters is these words and then in first corinthians he declares that if we don't get this one thing right it doesn't even matter what else we get right he understood what we missed and here's the thing and i understand this we want we want deeper and paul would respond to that we want deeper requests like this you want deeper you want deeper you want deeper because you've never witnessed a man being flogged to the point to where he wants to die but can't because the soldier inflicting the pain knows exactly when to stop not out of mercy but because the goal was to inflict as much pain as possible death would be merciful but out of a desire to cause as much suffering as possible they would stop when we think there's there's got to be more it's because we've never witnessed a crucifixion we've never seen someone choose days ahead of time to lay down their life for an enemy there is nothing deeper there is nothing more profound there is nothing more contrary to fallen human nature there is well there's nothing with more potential to change everything than jesus instructions to his followers the night of his arrest his words represent a paradigm shift of it's no exaggeration to say of epic proportion they would again they would turn the world upside down because they established a kingdom that looked upside down to the world and what began as a harmless threat to the empire a harmless threat to the temple a nazarene sect a cult would eventually engulf the empire and his words to his disciples during that last passover meal they serve as the context they serve as the fuel the match for our fifth and final question here's what he said and i wish for a moment you could hear them as if you're hearing them for the very first time allow these words to set you back on your heels to leave you scrambling for your slice of the conflict pie in your relationships i hope they will compel you to forgive to be kind to loan your strength to tame your tongue to adjust your pace to open your wallet to reshuffle your values here's what he said a new command a new command i give you and of course they didn't need any new commands they had plenty besides earlier jesus had just reduced the entire list to two love god and love your neighbor those are the two we know right so why do we need a third and besides that why was he talking about commands they needed to make plans i mean and what gave jesus the right to add any new commands and only god could only god had the authority to add commands exactly right as it turned out jesus wasn't adding a command to an existing list of commands he was doing something far more radical he was replacing the existing commandments all of them and one reason one reason that this new command doesn't have its desired effect on many of us is because we were raised to believe that his new command was simply another command another command to be added to the big 10 or the big 600 plus but it wasn't jesus had come to replace much of what was in place a new command i give you love one another which wasn't really actually new but then as we've said before jesus wasn't actually through and he wasn't commanding them and he wasn't commanding me and he wasn't commanding you to feel something he was commanding us to do something and what came next well what came next was unthinkable but what came next changed the world what came next trumped the golden rule what came next trumped love god and love your neighbor as i have loved you so you must love one another this was so disturbing in this moment jesus establishes himself as the standard for love the standard against which we are to measure and evaluate our behavior if we're jesus followers you've you've heard it said believing is all that matters if you were raised in certain kinds of churches it's all about believing jesus would say to you if you're going to participate in my kingdom loving as i have loved is what matters most doing for others what one hoped others would do for them in return that was so last century that was so old covenant jesus tells his followers on the night of his arrest to do unto others as he had done unto them now this was extraordinarily extraordinarily personal for the guys seated around the table right i mean when we read as i have loved you you know you're to love one another we think of the cross they didn't they thought back over the previous three years i mean jesus could have gone around the table and called them all out one by one matthew matthew you remember what you were up to when we met um yes sir i was working for rome from home i was well i was pretty much a government-sanctioned thief with bodyguards um i remember because good people well they kept their distance from me and jesus could have said matthew do you remember what i said to you that afternoon when we met yes sir you invited me to follow you and no one had ever done that before in fact when people thought people thought i was following them they just rushed home exactly matthew extend that same grace to every single person you meet for the rest of your life as i have loved you matthew that's how i want you to love and he could have worked his way around the table one by one love as i have loved you extend the same grace the same forgiveness that i have extended to you so real quick how about you what let's let's put you in matthew's seat for just a minute what were you up to what were you up to when you first understood and accepted the call to follow jesus think about that season of your life and to think he loved loves you anyway he he hears your prayers he forgives you over and over for the same dumb stuff right me too i mean in my case i have no excuse i mean i have no excuse not to extend grace forgiveness and mercy um second and third chances to everybody i meet because i've been commanded to love as i have been loved and i have been given second and third chances by my savior and as as jesus looked around the table that night he could have added and gentlemen if you think you've seen me love you haven't seen anything yet because tomorrow covered in my own blood i'll put on a demonstration of love that will take your breath away but more important it's going to take your sin away and it's going to take your excuses away not to love the way i have loved you tomorrow i'm going to give my life away for you and for my enemies and then he continues and and this is the part if we if we ever got this right if i ever got this right it would change maybe it would change everything he said gentlemen by this by this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another now the term this is a demonstrative pronoun remember those a demonstrative pronoun is used to point to something very specific and in this particular case it's a singular demonstrative pronoun jesus is pointing to one specific thing that was to be the identifying characteristic of his followers namely the way we love this new command this new command brand of love was to serve as the unifying and the defining characteristic for his new movement the church his new command was to serve as the governing ethic against well against which all of our behavior should be measured and this stood in stark contrast to the current first century way of thinking unfortunately it stands in stark contrast to the way that many of us were raised to think in the church today this this litmus test this would be the litmus test for being a jesus follower and again the new litmus test was not some sort of ritualistic day of the week festival driven don't forget your goat don't forget to say your prayers worship of an invisible and somewhat distant god following jesus would not be looking for ways to somehow get closer to god who dwelt out there somewhere jesus followers according to what jesus said that night jesus followers would demonstrate their devotion to god by putting the person next to them in front of them as he would do the following afternoon authentic jesus followers would not authenticate their love for god by looking up they would authenticate their devotion to god by looking around by loving the people around them and then this this was so unprecedented in an unprecedented move for a religious figure especially jesus didn't leverage his position or even his equality with god or his messianic authority to stir his followers to action he didn't say hey guys you better do this because well do you know who i am he didn't anchor his new command to his divine right as king paul said it best that jesus did not regard equality with god as something to be leveraged for his own benefit instead do you know what he used to inspire his followers to action do you know what he used to inspire you and me to action he leveraged his sacrificial love why why should his disciples obey this command to love because he loved them first he went first they were to do unto others as jesus had already done and was about to do unto them a new command i give you love one another as i have loved you so you must love one another jesus knew all encompassing command was well it was far less complicated than the prevailing system but it was far more demanding there there are no loopholes no workarounds in this brand of love it's why we avoid it it's why we are tempted to take the new command and simply add it to a list of commands perhaps hoping it will get lost in the mix and that brings us at last to our fifth and our final question the relationship question the question honestly that paves the path to relational health the question that really lays a foundation for mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying relationships a question that honestly brings inescapable clarity to just about every relational decision you will ever bump up against a question them i think a question everyone should ask but a question that jesus followers well we have to ask it our fifth question is this what does love require of me what does love require of me this clarifying and as i said earlier terrifying question should stand guard over our consciences it should serve as a guide a signpost a compass as we navigate the complexities of relationships it should inform how we date how we parent how we boss how we manage how we coach it should form a perimeter around what we say and what we do and our roles as spouse co-worker neighbor friend this this question gives voice to god's will for us on so many issues on issues where the bible is silent it fills the gaps um it succeeds where concordances fail if you're a christian it it crushes that insipid justification that we all grew up using but the bible doesn't say there's anything wrong with right this this question closes all those loopholes in fact it exposes our hypocrisy it stands as judge and jury it's so simple but it is so inescapably demanding and it intersects with every imaginable relational scenario i mean we're all tempted to ask or wonder sometimes relationally how little can i get by with right the very thing we don't want the person on the other side of us to consider this question calls us to account so relationally speaking when you're not sure of what to say or do simply ask what does love require of you when unsure of what to say or do ask what does love require of you and then do unto others as your heavenly father through christ has done unto you he did what was best for us we are in turn to do what's best for others we are to love as we have been loved and when we fall short we're to own it quickly we're to own it before anyone even has to bring it to our attention and if that sounds like too much to ask congratulations then now you know that you understand exactly what jesus is asking of us if there's something in you that's like i i just don't know if i can live up to that then you understand what he's calling us to now i imagine that you're smart enough and emotionally dialed in enough to know what love requires of you most of the time even if we don't want to admit it right but just in case if love one another is not specific enough the new testament is actually full of real world applications of what jesus new command brand of love looks like in fact the authors of the new testament did not add to jesus new command this is an area where it gets confusing really quickly they didn't come along and add to jesus new command they simply explained what it looks like they tell us how to apply it and the apostle paul provides us with i think the clearest applications in his letter to christians living in in the roman province of galatia we mentioned earlier he insists he says this when it comes to relationships god will always nudge you the spirit of god will always nudge you in the direction of kindness goodness gentleness faithfulness self-control when when you're tempted when you're tempted to try to control someone else paul says the spirit of god is going to nudge you in the direction of self-control because that's what love requires of you when in doubt simply max these out but this was actually the apostle paul's abridged list his most detailed description of what real world love looks and acts like is found in his first letter to christians living in corinth right we've talked about this so many times in fact that list is so familiar i i i fear it doesn't even create so much as a ripple in our conscience sometimes especially for most modern readers and that's unfortunate because paul's description in first corinthians is the gold standard of what love looks like in the real world what does love require of us you know this he says well it's patient it's it's kind this brand of love doesn't envy it doesn't boast it's not proud it does not dishonor others love never treats another person dishonorably disgracefully and decently again love never treats another person dishonorably disgracefully or indecently one more time love never treats another person dishonorably disgracefully or indecently because jesus never treated another person including you dishonorably disgracefully or indecently what if we just got that right love he goes on he says love doesn't create regret it's not self-seeking it's not easily angered it doesn't keep score love conveniently forgets the bad and elevates the good love forgives and pretends to forget that's what love requires love doesn't love doesn't delight in evil but it rejoices with what's true it always protects in other words love never smuggles something harmful into the relationship just the opposite love keeps harmful things out love doesn't seek to win arguments love works to protect the relationship love chooses to trust he finishes up finishes up this this powerful piece of literature he says love always hopes and it always preserves it always protects that's what love requires of us that's why our fifth question is not for the faint of heart but before you decide to remove it from the list of questions to ask whenever you're making a decision i want you to consider this isn't that or aren't these things what you hope for or even expect from the people closest to you your spouse your fiance your significant other your kids is it isn't this what you hope for from your friends and your neighbors and the people you work with i mean if these are the behaviors or responses we consciously or even subconsciously expect from others shouldn't they be required of us as well so before you react to someone before you over respond to someone before you remind them of their past before you get out of the car and go into the house to straighten everybody out before you walk into his or her office as you're contemplating that invitation before you decide ask what does love require of me what does love require i know what i've done in the past i know what everybody expects i know what everybody else does i know what my pattern and my habit has been i know what they deserve but what does love require of me if you're a jesus follower this is like asking what does my lord require of me it may require you to get up out of your chair in just a few minutes and walk into the kitchen or the bedroom and apologize it may require you to pick up your phone and rebuild a bridge that you burned down with your unassailable logic and sarcasm you were right but being right wasn't what love required you may need to write a letter or rewrite an email and no the other party may not be interested in what love requires of them or what love requires of you but that's okay right chances are isn't this true chances are there was a time when you weren't interested in what god's love for you required of him but he didn't quit pursuing you there there are things and this may be hard for you to take coming from me but you know there are there are things that that i'll never understand in fact there are things that jesus said i'm not exactly sure what to do with in the modern world but my lack of understanding never impedes my capacity to put others first as complicated as so many things are it's this is there's so many things i'll never understand but when it comes down to this question as much as i don't know i almost always know what love requires of me and if jesus was correct apparently that's enough if jesus was correct that's what it means to be his follower that's the center that's the kingdom of god on earth what does love require of you so that's it those are our five questions to ensure that you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets remember good questions good questions lead to better decisions and your decisions determine the direction and the quality of your entire life your decisions create the story of your life so come on write a good one and remember this your current regrets and we've all got them right your current regrets are only part of your story they don't have to be the story your past should remind you but it does not have to define you so tell yourself the truth even when the truth makes you feel bad about yourself explore rather than ignore your conscience raise your standard of living from what's legal acceptable permissible to what's wise and then do what love requires of you that changed the world once and perhaps it will again but even if it doesn't change the world it will certainly change yours as you know i normally leave you with three questions but today i'll leave you with five heavenly father thank you so much thank you so much for these powerful powerful words from jesus i pray that it would in fact set the standard for what we say and how we treat the people around us and father for the man or the woman or the student who's listening or watching right now who knows in their heart they need to turn to the person beside them or to get up and walk into the other room because that's what love requires of them give them the courage to submit to your lordship in this moment and obey and father i do pray that all of us would live a story worth telling and a story that at the end ultimately points to you and gives you glory in jesus name [Music] amen i searched the world but it couldn't fill me a man's empty praise and treasures that fade i never know oh then you came along [Music] you put me back together [Music] now every desire is now satisfied here in your love oh oh there's nothing better than you there's nothing better than you lord there's nothing nothing is better than you come on cause i'm not afraid [Music] to show you my weakness with my failures and flaws lord you've seen them all can you still call me fred cause the god of the mountain is the god of the valley [Music] and there's not a place your mercy and grace won't find me again [Music] oh there's nothing better than you there's nothing [Music] oh is nothing better than you there's nothing better than you nor there's nothing nothing [Music] [Applause] morning to dancing you give beauty for ashes you turn shame into glory you're the [Music] you get beauty for ashes you turn shame into glory you're the only one you [Applause] care you're the only [Music] come on [Music] nothing is better [Music] is [Applause] [Music] is [Music] [Music] [Applause] you turn those into you're the only one against [Music] [Music] you

Channel: North Point Community Church

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Length: 42min 22sec (2542 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 07 2021