BETTER DECISIONS, FEWER REGRETS, PART 3 | January 17 | North Point Community Church

i have the pleasure to present to you dr martin luther king jr [Music] i have a dream [Music] i have a dream it is a dream deeply rooted in the american dream [Music] i have a dream that one day [Music] this nation will rise up [Music] live out the true meaning of its tree that all men are created [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] let freedom reign from every mountain side when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet from every state and every city we will be able to speed up that day when all the thoughts children black men and white men jews and gentiles protestants and catholics will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old negro spiritually free at last free at last thank god almighty we are free at last [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] there's a grace when the heart is [Music] undefined another way when the walls are closing in [Music] and when i look at the space between where i used to be and this reckoning standing next to me there was another [Music] there is a cross that bears the bird where the mother died by me there's another oh my dad left her dead beneath the walls i'm no longer a slave to my sin anymore [Music] should i fall in the space between what remains of me [Music] [Music] there is another in the fire standing next to me there is another in the water holding back the seas [Music] sets me free there is a grave that holds nobody and now the power lives in me there is another there is another is [Music] another [Music] [Applause] [Music] nothing stands between us nothing stands between us there is no other name but the name that is [Music] he wasn't still his and will be [Music] i know [Music] [Applause] [Music] standing next to me there'll be another in the water holding back the seats should i ever need [Music] the darkness [Music] [Music] believe [Music] standing next to me there'll be another in the water holding back this season [Music] [Music] hi everybody thank you so much for joining us this morning if this is your first time with us we certainly hope it won't be your last if you're part of one of our atlanta area churches you may know that we're about to launch a brand new round of adult community groups at all of our atlanta area churches and we would love for you to participate there has never been a better or more important time to be connected than right now registration actually opens next week but if you go to life is betterconnected.com you can sign up for a text or an email reminder from your local church that way next week when registration opens you will be ready to go now go ahead and get a refill on your coffee and here's part three of better decisions fewer regrets [Music] so uh one thing i think we all have in common is our love of story right our love of story um we all love a good story whether it's a book or a movie maybe part of a comedy series fiction nonfiction i love historical fiction maybe it's something that happened to a friend maybe it's your most embarrassing moment i mean we all love to hear and many of us enjoy telling stories what's not apparent that should be is that each of us is actually creating a story the story of our lives it should be apparent because when someone asks you about your past you know where you're from how you met where you went to school what what do you do you you dip back into a chapter of your story the story of your life now if you were like me growing up you were interested in your parents stories right i loved to ask my parents when i was growing up i loved to ask them about when they got in trouble as kids for some reason those were my favorite stories maybe it just made me feel better about myself i don't know but if your family is anything like mine there may actually have been some legendary stories in your family right stories that you enjoyed hearing over and over and over and stories you ask your parents or maybe somebody else in your family to tell over and over and over but here's the thing while those events are happening in the past nobody is thinking in terms of story right what are they thinking they're thinking in terms of current events i mean it wasn't a story it was something that was happening in the moment and this sets us up for where we're headed today every significant or unusual current event in your life even a season of life once it's behind you once it's behind us what do we do with it we reclassify it as a story a story we tell or a story we hope we never have to tell a story too embarrassing or painful to tell and often the determining factor as to whether or not we want that story to be told is the decisions we made while the story was unfolding right the truth is we write the story of our lives one decision at a time whether it's a thoughtful response or an emotionally fueled reaction we write the story of our lives one decision at a time more on that in just a minute today we're in part three of our series better decisions fewer regrets and the big idea the big idea behind this series is simply this it's the often overlooked relationship between good questions and good decisions and as we've said good questions set us up for good decisions in fact in some way our decisions are no better than the questions we ask or the questions we don't think to ask and here's the promise of this series if you will ask and if you will answer honestly and then if you will act on your honest answer to the five questions that this series is built around i promise you you will make better decisions and consequently you'll live with fewer regrets um your life will actually be better and the people who look to you the people who depend on you their lives will be better as well because and you know this we aren't the only people we aren't the only people impacted by our decisions and we are not the only people impacted by our regrets either now in part one i suggested you memorize this saying a saying from the book of proverbs and here's the saying i hope some of you've memorized this the prudence see danger the prudency danger and they do something they they respond appropriately they take refuge but the simple or the naive they just keep on going and they pay the penalty and the reason i want you to commit that saying to memory is this as simple and as straightforward as these five questions are they will bring you into conflict with the sales associate that lives in your head just as they bring me into conflict with the sales associate that lives in my head because this little sales associate that lives in your head and his or her voice sounds a lot like your voice right they want you to act now they want you to decide fast they want you to focus on the immediate rather than the ultimate and this verse is a reminder to look beyond the moment and not to look away from the potential danger associated with one of the options you catch yourself selling yourself on these five questions will slow you down and they will create the perspective you need to see danger coming these this verse will give you the perspective you need to connect the dots between the options you're considering and a future you may prefer or a future you would prefer to avoid now last time we introduced the first of our five questions number one the first question was the integrity question and the integrity question is am i being honest with myself am i being honest with myself really so i hope since last time we met you have been being honest with yourself really and i hope you've been being honest with yourself even if the truth about yourself made you feel a little bad about yourself because as we said last time acknowledging where we are is the first step to getting where we ultimately want to be so when making a decision of any magnitude ask yourself am i being honest with myself really today is the second question and i call this the legacy question the legacy question anytime you're making a decision of any magnitude or of any consequence i want you to pause and ask the legacy question which is what story do i want to tell what story do i want to tell think about it this way when this decision or maybe this entire season of life when this relationship when this business transaction is reduced to simply a story that you tell what story do you want to tell what story do you want to tell do you want to be the hero or do you want to be the villain do you want to be the good example or do you want to be the bad example which option will make this a story worth remembering as opposed to a story you hope no one ever tells and no one ever finds out about which option would make this a story you'll be proud to tell your children someday maybe even your grandchildren here's the good news here's the good news you get to decide but you decide one decision at a time because as far as it is up to you you write the story of your life one decision at a time and every decision you make every decision you make becomes a permanent part of the story the story of your life every decision you make has an outcome a consequence a result may be good or bad desirable undesirable expected unexpected whatever the case that outcome becomes a permanent part of the story of your life your boss comes along and he asks you to lie to a client and you choose to lie to the client and the client finds out and calls you on it and the boss lays the blame on you and you lose your job now part of your story is that you lied and you lost your job because you lied it's not a good story what about this story your boss asks you to lie and you choose not to lie and you lose your job because you wouldn't do what your boss asked you to do it's not a great story but that's a better story right how about this one you met this guy he was just kind of okay he was convenient there wasn't anybody else on the horizon something in you knew this really wasn't something you should pursue but you did anyway and two years later the whole thing just evaporated it's pretty much a story you hope no one even asks you about a story that no one finds out about how about this one your friends wanted you to go out but you had an exam to study for and you said no you stayed in and you studied and you aced the exam and that was a decision you made over and over and over and now you have a degree to show for it that's a good story the point is simply this every decision and the outcome of that decision becomes part of your story which means decision by decision you are writing the story of your life that's why when you're making a decision of any magnitude you've got to pause look ahead and think when this is nothing more than a story i tell what story what story do i want to tell the decision you are wrestling with right now right now is going to be nothing more than a story you tell someday what story do you want to tell now the challenge with all of this is this in the midst of current events in the midst of circumstances we don't think of our lives in terms of story now it is a story but we don't think that way for example if you recently lost your job surviving this season without a job well one day this is just going to be a story that you tell what story do you want to tell i lost my job i was embarrassed i started drinking too much i racked up some unnecessary debt i lost the respect of my friends and my kids that's not a great story it's understandable i mean losing a job i mean going for a prolonged period of time without work is terrifying it's terrifying but the decisions we make in the valleys eventually are just stories we tell on the other side or maybe back to the dating thing you're you're dating someone and things are going okay but there's someone else in the picture and yeah she's married or he's married but you find yourself gravitating in their direction and they seem to be gravitating in your direction as well and you get the sense that if you're willing they're willing your decision your decision will be a permanent part of your story and hers or and his what story do you want to tell i got involved with someone at work who was married i ended up busting up a marriage now their kids ping pong between two homes on the weekends is that the story you want to tell i don't think so now here's something that i think is true of all of us you'd like to be able to tell your entire story without skipping any parts without skipping any chapters or having to lie about the details right i mean someday you'd like to be able to sit down with your kids or maybe even your grandkids or maybe someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with and tell your entire story and isn't it true you'd like to be the hero in your story i mean i think we all want that and i think going forward you can have that but it will require you to stop mid-decision and ask what story do i want to tell which of the available options do i want as a permanent part of my story now i think one of the reasons we don't think about story when we're making decisions is we get distracted by the pressure and the emotions of the moment right i mean emotion when it comes to decision making emotion is like a fog it causes us to lose sight of the broader context which is our story and you know how this works um you're up against a deadline you've got to decide you've got to decide soon you know if you won't marry me i'm leaving nobody wants to be left if you don't make your quota you're fired nobody wants to be fired i mean when you're forced to make a decision under pressure it is hard to think about tomorrow much less your story right because you've got to get through today so whether it's love or fear or jealousy the emotions associated with the decision-making process they always complicate the process by focusing our attention on the immediate rather than the ultimate and consequently we're left thinking in terms of options not our story and the challenge is and you know this there are no emotionally neutral decision-making environments right i mean when it comes to big decisions it is almost impossible to be objective because of the way we feel because of our emotions this is why your worst decision and i know we've never met so i'm taking a gamble here but my guess is your worst decision was fueled by something with strong emotional appeal right maybe a first marriage that was pretty much doomed from the start um that purchase that lease i mean it was so appealing you bought it it was so appealing you ate it you smoked it it was so appealing you dated it you moved in with it right and if you're in retail sales you know exactly how this works you know about the worst thing that you can let a potential customer do is leave the store or leave the showroom without making the sale why well you know why because once they walk out what happens the emotional appeal of your product begins to subside and they're far less likely to make the purchase we've all experienced that now psychologists actually have a name for this dynamic it explains why once our appetites are engaged in the decision-making process we well we to some degree we kind of lose our minds um this cognitive bias has been labeled focalism vocalism because the victims and we've all been a victim of this the victims hyper focus on the one thing to the neglect of pretty much everything else if you've ever been in love and i hope you have if you've ever been in love you were a victim or maybe you are currently a victim of focalism um it's wonderful all you can see is him all you can see is her the point being this in emotionally and emotionally charged decision making environments whenever there is an emotionally charged decision-making environment we think in terms of our options not our stories so here's a tip when confronted when confronted with anything or anybody with strong emotional appeal press pause not play because strong emotional appeal strong emotional appeal should trigger a red flag not necessarily a green light instead of leaning in we should step back not because this is important not because he's not the one he may be the one not because it's not a great investment opportunity it may be a great investment opportunity not because it's not the perfect job it may be the perfect job but in spite of that we should step back because anything with strong emotional appeal even the right thing clouds our judgment so just hit pause get your bearings on go home and think about it call a friend and for sure consider consider consider your story um because when you consider your story it places it places the decision-making process within the broader context of our entire lives now the old testament story of joseph the old testament story of joseph i think is a great reminder of how powerful and legacy preserving this question is this is why i call it the legacy question um now many of you are so familiar with this story you could tell it yourself so i'll give you the condensed version around 1800 bc a 17 year old named joseph the 11th of 12 sons finds himself in a no-win situation that is not of his own making his father jacob loved him more than all the other boys because joseph's mother was his father's favorite wife which fueled the fires of jealousy in his ten older brothers eventually as you probably know their jealousy gets the best of them they decide to kill joseph in the end they lose their nerve and decide to sell him instead which is a bit more merciful and way more profitable and they sell him to slave traders and then they tell their dad that he was killed by a wild animal and now and this is important now these 10 young men think about this these 10 young men have a secret that they are forced to live with for the rest of their lives they have a chapter in their lives they will be embarrassed to tell i was so jealous of my younger brother that i along with my other nine brothers beat him up and sold him there were ten of us and one of them who wants who wants to tell that story and then we lied to my father and broke his heart and said that his favorite son had been killed by a wild animal that's not a good story and now and now joseph's brothers are liars for life please don't decide anything that makes you a liar for life here's why whatever you gain in the moment will not be worth what you're forced to carry into the moments that follow back to joseph so joseph ends up on the auction block in egypt where he's purchased by a military officer named potiphar and now joseph has a decision to make do i run do i do what most slaves do as little as possible with as bad an attitude as i can get by with or do i throw myself into this whole slave thing with everything i've got interesting dilemma for a rich kid who grew up as his father's favorite son and here's what makes this story so relatable for many of us none of this none of this is his fault somebody else took control of his story his story like parts of your story were hijacked commandeered by evil people selfish people so why try you know why care that's always the temptation when someone else decides our story in a bad direction but somehow in some way joseph overcomes overcomes the negative inertia the temptation to just throw up his hands and give up he refuses to throw up his hands and let fate have its way instead he decides to serve potiphar's household as if it were his own and eventually potiphar notices and he gives joseph even more responsibility and he ends up in charge of potiphar's entire household i then you know if you think about it that's that's kind of a story worth telling right i was kidnapped once i was sold twice i was a victim but i decided not to live like a victim that was the story that joseph decided that was the story that joseph was writing but then the music changed right if you know this story you know that his story intersected with somebody else's story potiphar's wife and he finds himself once again through no fault of his own in a no-win situation because potiphar's wife insists that he become her lover probably one of many lovers and joseph has two options neither of which would lead to a good outcome and it's important to understand in this culture this was not primarily a moral issue this was a life or death issue more like death or death because either way he decided he could lose his life and just to point it out he's about 19 or maybe 20 years old when this part of his story unfolds and once again he opts for the better story and it's at this juncture and his story and it's one of the reasons i wanted to rehearse this story with you even though it's so familiar it's at this juncture and joseph's story that he employs a powerful powerful technique something we should all employ here's what he does joseph actually rehearses his story out loud as the context for his response to potiphar's wife this is how we know he made his decision within the context of his life story so what i'm going to do is i'm going to kind of paraphrase the first part of his response and then i'll read the second part straight from the text essentially here's what he said mrs potiphar i came to this land as a slave i had no rights and no future your husband purchased me and i did my best to serve him and you and through my hard work and my diligence and through god's help i've gained the trust of your husband he's put me in charge of the entire household in other words my story is getting better all the time and then he says this and i quote with me in charge of the household he told her my master does not concern himself with anything in the house everything he own he has entrusted to my care no one no one is greater in this house than i am my master has withheld nothing from me except you because you are his wife implication that's your story mrs potiphar you really need to think this through do you really want affair with a hebrew slave as part of your story and then joseph steps back into the broadest context of all in light of all that's happened in light of your husband's confidence in me in light of god's mercy to me he asked this question how then in light of all that in light of the way my story is going how then could i do such a wicked thing and sin against god why would i want why would i want to add adultery to what's turning out to be a pretty good story with an ending i never dreamed possible in other words which of these stories mrs potiphar do i want to tell i only have two options story number one um your husband gave me an opportunity i never dreamed would come my way i was faithful to him and the god who's been watching over and looking out for me that's that's a good story or story number two your husband gave me an opportunity i never dreamed would come my way so i took advantage of his trust and had an affair with his wife what story do i want to tell which story do you want to tell when the decision you are in the middle of making right now is nothing more than a story you tell what story do you want to tell now as you probably know joseph decided to better those two stories he did the right thing but the right thing did not turn out for joseph potiphar's wife accuses him of trying to rape her and joseph ends up in pharaoh's dungeon but joseph's story wasn't over and your story isn't over either now it's true when we find ourselves in a long difficult season and a long difficult chapter of our story it feels like this chapter is the entire story but it doesn't have to be oftentimes it's our responses our decisions in those difficult chapters that make all the difference that make all the difference between a story that ends bad and a story that ends well now if you're familiar with joseph's story you know that while he was in prison joseph does the same thing he did in the dungeon as he did in potiphar's household he decides well and over time he wins the favor of the prison ward now nobody's life ambition is to win the favor of a prison warden but you know what he just decided to do what he could do with what he had to work with and before long he's pretty much running the place several years later and don't let that go by too quickly several years later he finds himself being ushered into pharaoh's presence to interpret a dream because pharaoh had a dream that he believed had significance for the nation of egypt and none of his magicians could interpret the dream and then in another surprising twist in joseph's story joseph assures pharaoh that he can't interpret the dream either and i think there was a gasp in the throne room when he said that and then he looks at pharaoh and says but god god is in the hebrew god which is a dangerous thing to say to someone who considers himself a god god who the hebrew god can interpret the dream for pharaoh fortunately that day pharaoh was more curious than furious and he lets joseph proceed with dream interpretation so according to joseph and according to the dream as he understood it egypt would experience seven years of record-breaking grain harvest essentially the egyptians would be swimming in grain and here's why that was a big deal bread was a staple for ancient people all ancient people so grain was the primary source for basically what constituted the dominant portion of the standard diet which means if there's no grain people literally starve so this was great news but that was just half of the dream egypt would experience seven years of record-breaking grain harvest followed by a famine so severe joseph said that everybody's gonna forget all about the seven good years now when joseph finished interpreting the dream everybody in the throne room assumed that joseph was finished and he would be escorted out but joseph wasn't finished and he does the unthinkable and he gives pharaoh unsolicited advice now nobody gave the pharaoh unsolicited advice especially a foreigner who still smelled a bit like the dungeon but this was the advice he gave pharaoh he said oh pharaoh somebody needs to wake up every single day focused on this problem somebody needs to wake up every single day focused on preparing egypt for what's coming so choose somebody you trust and put them in charge of grain storage silence in the throne room as everybody waited to find out what unimaginable horror awaited this arrogant hebrew who would dare to give pharaoh advice but pharaoh smiles and he says to the people standing around can we find anyone like this man one in whom is the spirit of god and then pharaoh said to joseph since god joseph's god since god has made all this known to you there is no one so discerning and wise as you and then to the shock and awe of everyone standing there you shall be in charge of my palace and all my people are to submit to your orders only with respect to the throne will i be greater than you and in this moment pharaoh makes joseph the prime minister of egypt and once again joseph did what joseph did he decided well and he devotes himself to this unprecedented opportunity seven years later as he predicted a famine devastates that region of the world once everybody's personal grain cupboards are bare joseph opens the federal grain silos and feeds the nation and before long people from all over that part of the world are caravanning to egypt to buy grain including if you know this story including joseph's brothers and when they arrived he happened to be out that day and he recognized them immediately but of course they did not recognize their 30 year old brother whom they had not seen since he was about 17 years old now if you've never read this story in genesis you should there are so many fascinating details we don't have time to explore today but in the end in the end joseph finally reveals his identity to his 10 older brothers and they are speechless actually they are terrified and they beg for mercy they know they don't deserve and in all likelihood will not receive and they were sure they were so sure joseph would do to them what they had done to him because that's exactly what they would do to him if they were in joseph's position but and here's the point of the story joseph wasn't anything like his brothers and do you know why because throughout his life joseph refused to react and in refusing to react he avoided becoming like the people he didn't like he decided he decided against the gravitational pull of bitterness so consequently now that he's got the power he is free and he is free to write a better story he decided his life in a different in a better direction he decided a story worth telling that's why we're telling his story and in that moment he made a big decision he decided revenge would not be part of his story so in addition to rescuing egypt from the famine joseph rescues his entire family and their families as well and he moves them all to egypt now that is a story worth telling a story he decided one decision one response at a time which brings me back to us which brings me back to you what story what story do you want to tell what story do you want told about you like joseph like his brothers you're writing the story of your life one decision at a time don't do what his brothers did never ever ever choose the option that makes you a liar for life listen this is so important long after long after whatever you gained is gone you'll be left with your lie you'll be left with a story you won't be proud to tell every relational financial professional academic decision and the outcome of those decisions they become a permanent part of your story so write a good one decide a good one and if you haven't decided a good one up to this point remember this your current chapter is just that it's a chapter it's not the whole story so as we wrap up i want to challenge you to make a decision right now i want to challenge you to make this decision i'll decide a story i'll be proud to tell i'll decide a story i will be proud to tell every time every time you're faced with a decision of any magnitude ask when this is nothing more than a story i tell what story do i want to tell and then decide accordingly because you write the story of your life one decision at a time write a good one we'll pick it up right there next time when we look at our third question the conscience question but as you might expect before you go we have three questions for you right now to get the conversation going or to keep the conversation going the question the first question is simply this can you identify a decision in the past think about this can you identify a decision in the past that served as the beginning of a new and better chapter in the story of your life in other words was there a decision that was like a hinge point for you things weren't going so well and then you made a decision that launched you in a different direction and maybe share that with the people you're watching with number two what was the catalyst for those decisions either a decision that sent you in a good direction or a bad direction and number three do you know anyone whose story through no fault of their own set them up to write a story characterized by bitterness and resentment but somehow they decided their story in a healthy direction again your life your life is not just random disconnected events not even current events your life is a story it never feels that way in the moment but it is so i hope you'll write a good one and the people closest to you they hope so as well let's pray heavenly father thank you for inviting us into your story the broadest context for all of our individual stories so give us eyes to see give us ears to hear and then give us the courage to pause and to think beyond the immediate to the ultimate give us eyes to see and ears to hear what you have for us and our futures and we pray all of this in the matchless name of jesus amen [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: North Point Community Church

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Length: 40min 47sec (2447 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 17 2021