best of taskmaster nz series 2 (yes, it's 30 min long)

laura what did you bring in i bought an an absolute green icon i brought in the sexy green eminem yeah you think she's doing great things for women on those boots with no pants i well you know guy's got his legs crossed right now yes we can all agree it's a very [ __ ] chocolate guy what is that person on your tissue who is that oh it's just a very cool t-shirt with a picture of paul as a 14 year old boy i'd like to say i i still have no idea how he got that photo uh it sits in my parents wardrobe so someone in my inner circle has betrayed me head with yourself no embarrassing i feel like i should interject i swear he wasn't wearing that shirt before but that is a photo of me again stop it where did you get this one from just down the shops run [Music] it's not working but i'm really enjoying it do you want me to move the car back no i can do it can you teach me how to drive do you feel safe no where's the brake yeah [Applause] did you lose your wings i don't have wings is that because you fell why did i fall from the roof i take my tool belt off it's just decorative something that i fix [ __ ] because i'm a lesbian you open your mouth watch your head i'll go down to judge it are you gonna jump i was just gonna walk [Music] [Applause] oh my god oh my god is so sore you hear that for me [Music] i'm gonna go with player b this is why we come up with multiple plans it works onwards and upwards then we ready for another task i think we are really what do you mean we're not getting closure on this here's an idea i spent all the taskmaster seeing that [ __ ] bucket and i was like there's some [ __ ] in there we filmed this once a week it was there on the fourth week i'm so proud of you i'd just like to take a second to talk about guys new t-shirt that's not you again is it that is me again yes it was a i think a tinker bell dress looking good paul yeah you do [Music] you got us getting whiter you look hungry that that's like constipated no like that do you want kids one day paul maybe i don't know if you're going to get them mate how did you feel about that he liked it i guess i liked it can i say that last line or will it start instantly if i say that last line you can say it now can you say now you can see it now as part of the task okay yep your time starts when you say let there be dark okay [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] this that was genuinely a mistake you're allowed to say it once i didn't obviously explain that well enough to the lighting guy something strange happened there didn't it on a number of levels it genuinely was not meant to be a stitch up also he actually had less than half the time in the dark uh he got naked in just under 12 seconds you know what they say paul what do they say [ __ ] are you ready yep can you give me a countdown three two one [Applause] so you kind of drinking that hmm [Applause] that didn't squirt no that did not squirt that was my mouth how did it come out of your mouth [Music] [Applause] one meter 27. jeremy whose portrait would you like to see first ursula oh jeremy i think i really captured your mother one thing you like you just can't deny about this show is that the taskmaster is a really good guy [Music] and i just i can't wait to receive the head at the end met a real dark horse on the dry weight books there how many did i eat matt ate nine wheat picks with milk still not as many as david but it was very impressive and it made me just want to watch the footage again and again and then while i was watching the footage i did see some some pretty interesting stuff watch this [Music] [Applause] we're not sharing a dressing room are we because that's going to come out today still i don't want to relitigate the whole wheat biscuits gate thing yeah just that's just been raised no i'm not glad i'm glad you opened all of that [ __ ] out [ __ ] you man [Music] how was that perfect thank you david cool [Applause] laura what did you bring in i stole paul's girlfriend [Music] [Laughter] we went on a date we had a magical time we kissed we had candy floss i've stolen her heart do you find that amusing jeremy i think that's fantastic you know what else is fantastic um i also stole your girl are you laughing no i don't laugh oh okay but it's probably good that you weren't laughing because i also talk your girl [Music] you find that amusing david what the [ __ ] oh it took your girl [Applause] we hung out outside a royal oak peck and save i know the one i take you there too [Laughter] yeah did take a while to track your girl down but uh i found her [Applause] ursula um i respect you too much thanks mark so before we move on paul can you tell me what were the words that you couldn't use right there was quite a long list i do believe tree was one of the words [Music] i didn't say tree i kind of feel like i heard something like that maybe if we play back the first two words of the song shall we have a listen to those presents [Music] it was a very simple mistake but i should point out that matt practiced his song seven times oh and between each practice he reread the list okay we you've still got 30 minutes and 40 seconds but you're happy with that i'm fairly confident that i'm not going to crush this challenge but i know at some point you and i are going to box and or wrestle and i'm going to crush that one [Laughter] thank you that is a terrifying insight into the montgomery family christmas yeah i remember them with mixed memories really mum was always scuffing around for an oven and dad would be out the back just absolutely going hammering tongs on a fox [Applause] [Laughter] i think i i got poor with that please be beans [Music] [Music] [Applause] i was slightly confused i felt like he didn't understand the task he was opening a lot of cans of tomatoes you're such a [ __ ] paul how many swear words can i say on this show i think that's up to you okay well you little [ __ ] pretty little matt took six minutes 41. so not much in it really it was close for first but guy is the winner with five minutes 35. it seemed like matt just walked straight up to the can and then opened it but something's clearly happened here paul yes yeah he talked to me for quite a bit at the start this is highly irregular i'd say it's not he does it every task uh paul yes you missed something what the half an hour of me telling you what i loved about christchurch yeah it got cut out what the [ __ ] it was uh quite boring usually wants to know can we kill a duck [Music] i'd rather you didn't i've eaten chalk yeah she's correct that's right because david eats something it doesn't make it i food have eaten some chalk and because izula eats something the same rule applies paul yes what's the opposite of bluff telling the truth look at this it's your social life create a diss track about the members of the other team best diss track wins you have 45 minutes your time starts now i got beef with mad heath matt man run him over like a cat david you shouldn't run over have his body hanging from this tall place they're going to go hard on us because they know about music and stuff [Music] [Music] can't wait to hear his christmas song montgomery more like mont [Music] david came up with a different freestyle of increasing intensity for every beat we sampled a lot of it was unbroadcastable [Laughter] you're coming last we're gonna eat your ass not me not so much let's go you've been surpassed we're gonna eat your asses not me so much i'll have a biscuit that was quite something yeah talk us through the thought process i don't think we should be talking about you kev writing and you're gonna eat the asses it wasn't till after that ursula pointed out that eating their ass is i thought it was like insulting you guys we kept it clean and we kept it respectful and i hope you guys do us the courtesy yes you'll be devastated to find out that not only do we not offer to eat your ass but we don't even offer our own [ __ ] for consumption hello uh this is our rap group the three friends three friends and uh this is our our track that's gone out to matt heath and ursula carlson [ __ ] you guys yes you've been [ __ ] you guys yes yes you've been warned i'mma break your face just in case you don't know your place headed [Music] i know i know drink more milk [ __ ] so as an apology i'm so sorry here you guys go thank you i'm so sorry meet thanks i love it me pack oh that's lovely i'd love to hear some of your your famous quotes four scoring ten years ago i had a dream let me pay for this costume i just got oh no oh my cards declined oh no abraham lincoln wearing headphones i believe you're in the background of one of the other abraham's camera right now wow what are the odds what does the cake say says i [ __ ] your dad what's it say syphilis why does it say syphilis because i wouldn't want to see the word syphilis at my wedding [Laughter] [Music] finished want me to stop the clock no sir i was quoting your dad i had an idea okay about how to make this cake really inappropriate okay have you seen american pie how would you feel if we turned all the cameras off and you american pied the cake i don't know what that means i think i can guess and i'm not that keen on [Music] i didn't move i stood here the whole time [Applause] when i see one you got a thick dick paul there was some circumference on there bro where would i find a code am i looking too small i'm supposed to stay in here aren't i i'm supposed to stay in here there is no great there's no reason for me to get out of the caravan i'm supposed to be in here the grape is somewhere in the caravan that's a fake grape that's a fake grape that i'm not supposed to get it shouldn't be this hard paul is that your key company i sell keys i got ten bucks you actually suck [ __ ] where's the [ __ ] nine nineteen they're ten dollars sorry no where's the two i was gonna bring 20 bucks today to buy pie 16 minutes and six seconds was the time to beat it took david 19 minutes to spot the grape [Applause] david's overall time was one hour and 23 minutes [Applause] [Music] how's that very hot is that your i don't know your throat's earning you yeah i'm worried for you you know when you have an idea that's just so bad that you know before you start it that it's a waste of everyone's time not really no you probably don't i experience it a lot you've got 22 minutes and 12 seconds thanks paul you've got a place in my heart laura there's a lot of waterfall action with your tea yes extremely nice it was like her cake it was delicious did you [ __ ] the tea [Applause] i don't like this episode you have a pretty good time when you're standing outside that caravan you prick when the time's up i'm gonna need you to let go three two one [Music] during the next task stealthily sabotage your team if your team loses you win if your team wins you get no points if your team accuses you of sabotage you get no points [Laughter] [Music] do they know to watch out for sabotage no don't let them know you want the point today they would do the same if they were sure would they i feel like david wouldn't okay david [Music] did you not get frustrated guy because you look like you were doing a lot of work for that yeah that i mean that it was cha you are a real [ __ ] piece of work matt my item is something that every man in the world has looked down on and thought i wonder what that would taste like it is of course urinal cakes this is amazing i think i speak for everyone when i say finally you have understood the task david what did you bring in uh i bought an uh what you think oh was this some nice refreshing watermelon drink no no that's dave's yum yum fuel that's petrol dave's yum yum fuel yum yum don't eat it put it in your car i know this is your first rodeo but it's it's not not mine this is my first rodeo let's get rid of these disguises i love it when a plan comes together this was my first radio just to clarify was that your first rodeo there was my first rodeo but if i was to do it again i could gladly say this is my second rodeo [Music] [Laughter] i didn't touch any lasers did you no no i'm not really enjoying this compass why is that well part of it might be i've never used a compass before what is it phil could you give them a broken compass i might have i the the issue is i i always keep my compass on me because you never know when you'll need it but i do keep it in the same pocket as my magnet which way is north i can't say what's that telling you do you know which way the wind's going today no that doesn't matter you'd be a charming date partner ursula paul loved it look at his little face did you love it i don't know [Laughter] he loved it i think he loved it is there anything more special on a date than truly getting to know yourself here i got you a juice [Applause] tell me a little about yourself i'm paul [Music] interesting i love it about you [Music] [Applause] [Music] i'm sorry it's okay [Music] i just wanted to see you up close that looks like you've just painted that one on oh this one yeah yeah i painted this one on the real ties here [Applause] okay is everything inside i'm not looking i'm not looking either can you get them to blow the pubes out because if i move it might fall outside [Music] okay [Applause] do you like this no edward tie hands what could he do with tyres on his hands hmm not a lot ah he can tidy up [Music] she slipped it joke that's pretty good you didn't sell it edward tie hands what can edward thai hands do what every woman wants he can tidy up yeah that's what every woman wants yeah okay you made it creepier i was gonna say something sexual and i was gonna get a good laugh why because you every other joke you've made is sexual and then you give me one and you don't give me the sexual material you can get away with that but but you give me a six give me a second it's creepy i don't want to do it one track mine 10 minutes isn't too long body on the line tie on the body bing bang bong one point for you laura what because it looked too good are you [ __ ] kidding me we will be back paul oh oh my god who's that oh my god you're not paul at all you're a faint poor i bet you're not bald no but you're handsome thank you whoa it was hugely frustrating for me yeah right i went all the way down to the water there's a guy down there with huge thighs about one minute and 50 seconds okay this is going to be captivating footage there's a guy in the caravan and you're handsome but this guy was a dish you know the guy i'm talking about i think so mustache yeah yeah it's ridiculous how do you too old for milk what well you're not a growing boy milk is a man's drink milk is for everyone except adults follow these shoelaces that one yes please classic task one for the ages beloved by all who did it did anyone else do it no thank god i thought i've got dementia or something so that's obviously a clerical error on my behalf i could have sworn everybody did this i knew no one was else is going to do it you don't have the time to do that by everyone else it gets so much worse no no [Applause] i take solace knowing that everyone else has to go through this as well i don't think there's any way to jinx this one hey huh mr sockman mr suckman was my father's name call me the puberty in new zealand history sock hey young boy huh mr sockman this is what happened to me it's been doing it all night you appear to be experiencing what's called a wet dream is perfectly normal oh thanks mr sockman i feel finally seen while i got you here would you like to hear about horus emerton hodge he was a medical practitioner who made an international reputation as a playwright i'm not doing that i'm not doing that task i don't think i'm not gonna open it ever nah maybe who knows i'm gonna do it oh am i i'm doing it i wish i had waited longer how many sugars did you want two [Applause] don't worry about the time [Applause] and then your dad's from new zealand yes brian from moleskill was it wow i'm sorry but um crew are breaking from lunch in my 18 minutes yeah i just i love how versatile it's one hour and 24 minutes what do you mean well that's how long you've been going is it oh really done yeah how [Applause] thank you so much for watching we'll see you again soon [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: TaskmasterBits

Views: 406,670

Keywords: Taskmaster, Taskmaster NZ, Taskmaster NZ Series 2, Taskmaster New Zealand, Paul William, Jeremy Wells, Guy Montgomery, David Correos, Laura Daniels, Matt Heath, Urzila Carlson

Id: qbichwqajvY

Length: 30min 39sec (1839 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 08 2021