Batman Returns - Nostalgia Critic

this episode brought to you by doordash the app that brings you food you're craving right now right to your door [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Applause] so hello i'm the nostalgia critic i remember it so you don't have to it's the week of christmas in 2020 what holiday film best connects with this [Applause] [Music] year might be too happy released in summer of 1992 batman returns was tim burton's sequel to his record-breaking batman in 1989. well folks were excited to see it the reaction afterwards was something like this people didn't know what to make of it they were certainly expecting something dark but this yikes toy companies especially mcdonald's happy meals panicked because parents were so pissed off something so demented and unpleasant was being marketed to kids why can't we go back to more innocent times of terminator robocop and alien toys since then people haven't really known what to make of this film naturally it has its fans and it's haters but most people i talk to put it in the i don't want to think about it because i don't know what to think about a category does it make you stronger watching it does it make you weaker watching it i don't know it just clearly does something so naturally i think this is the perfect film to look over this holiday season let's celebrate christmas the most appropriate way i can think of this is batman returns we see pee-wee's playhouse has changed since he entered the one percent but his freaky occupants have not for his wife gives birth to a bouncing baby abomination which honestly is about as good as a pee wee birth can go in my opinion thankfully they had a baby cage ready i'll assume that's an item the rich have but he finishes off his cat food and they decide to give him up for adoption or bridge that's another option well i'm in the christmas spirit merry christmas from kenner [Music] you know this really should have been a disney film it would have gotten a g he floats through the sewers and is intercepted by penguins yes that will be the most normal part of the story and we cut to years later where gotham city is having their massive ish lighting of the tree about to attend this event is christopher walken playing business mogul mack shrek named after the actor from nosferatu not a dreamworks energy drink and i gotta say in most films he brings 80 maybe 90 walk into a roll but this flick he brings 100 walking everything he says sounds like an impression of himself that's not growth that's a mild swelling i could hand out more than just expensive baubles bruce shame on you selena yuan come on yes you could literally change the character's name to christopher walken and nobody would bad an eye how industrious he's proposing a new power plant that i think a three-year-old designed so he can obtain well more power um i have a suggestion michelle pfeiffer play selena kyle a dorky secretary who may be a power plant specialist am i the only one driven nuts we never hear her suggestion afraid we haven't properly housebroken miss kyle [ __ ] you buddy dad mr mayor it's time to go down and bring joy to the masses oh my god we found the only other actor bringing more walking than walking to the role andrew brinyarski zangie from the street fighter movie because this film clearly wasn't weird enough plays max's son chip i honestly have no idea why he's a character in this you could cut him out and not miss a thing i just love that he does an impression of walking straight to his face throughout the entire movie dad you buy that blurry business time to go down and bring joy to the masses dad go save yourself let go walking the whole film has a look like what's with that voice sounds weird tim tell them to stop being weird while making a speech the circus comes to town and attacks the crowd i have to admit i love that all it takes for the cops to call batman is one of their cars being dented what are you waiting for the signal ah sir we have a swat team coming in look for some reason we suck at fighting clowns he's good at fighting clowns let him fight clowns the signal is reflected into wayne manor library which looks cool but what was the excuse he had for setting that up mr wayne you want giant reflectors to shine the bat signal into your library which will presumably be in all the time yeah why i don't know okay batman arrives and i guess this is as good a time as any to talk about the whole batman killing thing some people have very strict rules about batman like he doesn't carry guns and he doesn't kill despite him doing both several times in the past my personal take is do whatever matches the version would conroy or bale kill people no with the exception of [ __ ] loopholes i won't kill you but i don't have to save you real humanitarian would keaton and affleck abso freaking lutely affleck maybe going for a few too many gold stars in that department should he kill no would he kill probably i mean people are on fire you think this batman's gonna be like all right better get out of the car and knock the guy out get back in the car and make sure everyone is safely subdued that would have cost like five civilians like that [ __ ] also i'll bring up what nobody does when batman kills somebody in the burton films it's hilarious [Music] [Music] if you're not laughing at these you clearly need this sign before watching one clown takes selena hostage thus batman telepathically summons the proper tool the batman or is it just batman do i look like that twilight fop to you hey frank you know what this alley needs what a face okay shrek is kidnapped and taken to an abandoned zoo can't imagine why this place didn't stay in business it looks so welcoming and he comes across the penguin played by danny devito i believe the word you're looking for i believe the majority of this film's problems are around this one character i mean batman's still cool catwoman's still cool even walking impersonating walking is still cool but this character is written as an absolute monster but is directed like we're supposed to have some sympathy for him poor devito does an amazing job trying to pull off both but it's kind of like taking a disgusting villain like baron harkonnen from dune and saying we're supposed to feel bad for him like ramesses from prince of egypt you gotta go for one or the other tragic irony or poetic justice you tell me we'll go more into that in a bit but for now he tells shrek he wants to ascend into society and if he doesn't lend him a hand he'll lend him one how's fred atkins your own partner he's good hi max remember me i'm fred's hand i always like to assume that's not fred's hand and they just assumed he killed him so they pulled a hand off another dead person they just so happened to guess right he doesn't even flinch when he shakes it as a joke that's the face of a guy who's held a lot of dead body parts back in the office selena comes across some incriminating evidence showing that shrek wants to use the power plant to suck power from the city not generate it again i know what makes me a sick [ __ ] but this seems hilarious huh you know second there you really frightened me i feel like that's just how christopher walken would tell a joke knock knock who's there honestly i really underestimated the humor in this movie watching it again as a kid watching her be brought back to life by alley cats and have a mental breakdown was pretty [ __ ] up but as an adult it's still [ __ ] up but it's really funny stuffing the toys down the garbage disposal spray painting her dollhouse even the ad about winning the boss's affection from the company owned by the boss who tried to kill her then your boss will be asking you to stay after work for a candlelight staff meeting for two exclusively i feel bad for her but it's really freaking hilarious pfeiffer honestly like everyone finds that perfect balance of tragedy but also hamming it up look at those faces she makes she plays crazy great but you're also kind of giggling at it too i also love how this raincoat is supposed to somehow cover her entire body and i don't sew but i think these thimbles are a lawsuit waiting to happen i don't know about you miss kitty but i feel so much yummier just as catwoman is on the rise the penguin is two staging a rescue of the mayor's baby you gotta love this convincing performance no it's the hideous penguin man here take the baby just don't hurt me please he didn't spend three weeks at matthew broderick's community theater for nothing all i want in return is a chance to find my mom and dad mr wayne something wrong no that was code for please help me with this tree i'm like a million and you're literally batman douche at first bruce is taken by the penguin story but upon more research he finds he may have a more dangerous background also because of this movie i know fishy schwa is supposed to be cold cold it's fishy sparser it's supposed to be cold it's supposed to be cold it's supposed to he discovers the penguin might have been involved with a bunch of child disappearances in the past missing children in several towns the police have closed down three triangles fairgrounds you hear that kids you think batman saved all the children at the end but there's god knows how many little bodies in the penguins backlog merry christmas from plato it looks like the penguin is already up to his old trick saying he wants the hall of records to find his parents but uses it to look up all of gotham's firstborn sons are you concerned about that strange heroic penguin person i think he knows who his parents are sir you don't have to do their voice in front of me i know who you are penguin does eventually find his parents continuing to win the people over penguin forgive his parents i'm fully a piece of myself in the world like a frog that became a friend no he's more like a penguin i have no joke i just love how stupid that line is catwoman also makes some progress testing out her fighting moves on a mugger thanks i saw you first give me your wallet you make it so easy don't you always waiting for some batman to save you uh hypocrite much you really should try being dropped from a tall building it set me on the straight and narrow even after a nasty fall and a psychotic breakdown she still shows up to her job that's just a good work ethic that's my name maximilians don't wear it out or i'll make you buy me a new one what i like is bruce has clearly seen her before he even slips up and says he remembers her yeah we've met have we i mistook me for somebody else you mean mistook me but it's not until she looks and acts completely bonkers that he's suddenly like say you look like you wear black leather to cope too i remember the time i forgot to wear my underpants to school and the name of the boy who noticed was ricky friedberg he's dead now well they say don't put your dick in crazy but i don't sense any drama out of her women nothing surprises me chip except you late mother wait mother's dead i got a penguin to see speaking of which shrek surprises penguin with his bright idea of having him run for mayor now you might be thinking who's gonna vote for a monstrous sex-hungry maniac who abuses people what am i talking about he's overqualified just look at how he handles people who make fun of him my nose could be gushing blood merry christmas from diet coke shrek convinces him to be mayor as he can use his henchmen to drive the current mayor into a chaotic frenzy [Music] 2020 [Music] hey parents mcdonald's here we know you were upset with the happy meal toys we had for the new movie batman returns well we're happy to announce we've updated our toys to be more authentic to the film you saw it's the batman returns toys redux my favorite is the penguin after he just bit someone's nose off it's so bloody and disturbing i hope to never sleep tonight my favorite is catwoman after she went insane and got shot four times trying to seek vengeance i hope i'm that mentally unstable when i grow up my favorite is the circus train carrying lots of little boys like me to their watery graves i'm terrified but i'm told to smile for the commercial so yay your kids will love them and we're not just saying that because our founder is batman and if you're still unsatisfied don't worry the following two films will gladly sacrifice art so your little pipsqueaks can have something to play with while eating chicken mcnuggets mcdonald's yes you can blame us for batman and robin [Music] congratulations doug walker you just saved christmas by using doordash and showing support for your local restaurants you've counted on restaurants now they're counting on you and while their dining rooms may be closed they're still open for delivery with doordash doordash is the app that brings you food you're craving right now right to your door ordering is easy open the doordash app choose what you want to eat and your food will be left safely outside your door with the new contactless delivery drop-off setting with over 300 000 partners in the us puerto rico canada and australia you can support your local go-to's or choose from your favorite national restaurants like chipotle wendy's and the cheesecake factory many of your favorite local restaurants are still open for delivery just open the door dash app select your favorite local restaurant and your food will be left at your door door dash deliveries are now contactless to keep communities we operate in safe and right now our viewers can get five dollars off and zero delivery fees on their first order of fifteen dollars or more when you download the doordash app and enter the code nostalgia that's five dollars off and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the doordash app in the app store and enter the code nostalgia don't forget that's the code nostalgia for five dollars off your first order with doordash you like me you really like me i don't like you but door dash does that's your food right now go get it go get it go go like our videos subscribe to be notified about them want to actually be notified about them click on that bell as well also don't forget to check us out on twitch playing some games telling some jokes and overall having a good time hope to see you there [Music] [Applause] as penguin said he unleashes his goons on the city to blow up stores steal valuable goods tap people's heads monsters but thankfully batman was out doing some bat shopping maybe he was going to the bat store wait that was gonna be a thing in this movie they actually built that huh maybe they had a line of credit and they called it i'm not digging up old wounds i bet this effect will age great [Music] seamless meanwhile catwoman tears apart one of shrek's department stores and again give fiverr credit for learning how to use a whip and apparently doing all these stunts herself years later she even found her old whip and showed off she still has the moves needs a little tlc that shouldn't be turning me on maybe it should either way it's turning me on i didn't know batman needed exciting rounding the corner music but it sounds very nice piss off wilhelm mimi he approaches the penguin but their meetup is quickly interrupted she's thinking ah [ __ ] came across the only people who wouldn't be weirded out by any of this they have themselves a little fight and honestly this is so silly i can't help but love it how could you i'm a woman i'm sorry i i uh oh we'll see if i help you open the jar anytime soon [Music] at first i found it weird that batman would actually be attracted to this but like the killing thing just because he shouldn't doesn't mean he wouldn't i mean look at these two and tell me they wouldn't attract one another she gets away but not without leaving her mark alfred bring me some antiseptic ointment would you i'm sorry sir i can't understand you unless you whisper in the bat suit like you did before bite me joffrey penguin announces his candidacy for mayor in the most eewy way possible wear a button let me just get it on there and catwoman makes her way to him proposing that they team up to take out batman it's chilly in here i'll warm you down oswald yeah calm down there quentin check it out we're gonna disassemble his batmobile and turn it into an h-bomb on wheels kind of curious how he got the plans for that uh are you sure you want to ebay these he wouldn't help me with the tree he spat out my soup he does his bat voice at random i'm done with the son of a [ __ ] okay i know plenty of people who'd be interested in this get a good price and i'll throw in some shark repellent catwoman eats his bird which apparently she really did i'd like to think i'm prompted and they get the idea to frame it selena and bruce go on a date and discuss their past relationships are your girlfriend no i had one didn't work see vicky thought vicky ice skater or stewardess well that's what she is now i ruined her career after dumping me the ice princess has been kidnapped they're interrupted though when they discover gotham's mascot the ice princess has been kidnapped by the penguin can you confirm for us the reports we're hearing of batman's suspected involvement in the abduction this evidence is purely circumstantial but just in case we're not running the bat signal they both take off which is great when you realize they're just gonna meet up again to fight each other but what's even better is bruce putting together why his usual excuse won't work i had to go to town tell her there's a big business deal okay my person yeah i've just got to go out of town and business for a few days you lied to me about leaving town no you know what let her know that none of that i'm gonna dumb be my girlfriend tell her i'm batman i don't care i gotta go a drawbridge opens up and he takes a bat suit off one of the bat hangers because schumacher directed for a minute and he tries to search for the ice princess during the tree relighting which surprisingly wasn't cancelled due to a kidnapping he locates her but finds catwoman is awaiting his arrival eat floor high fiber okay fine with two minutes that schumacher directed the princess is dropped from a building looking like batman pushed her and bats are released on the crowd but look on the plus side this [Music] i wonder if wonder woman has this problem mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it decorates an antenna [Music] jesus no wonder he couldn't save the princess he's been walking around with that stuffed up his ass the whole time let's consummate our fiendish union penguin celebrates their framing but he proposes a little too much and catwoman swipes left you lousy minks and i don't think i like you anymore penguin holds a helicopter onto her but she breaks free [Music] is her suit made out of animantium how many falls has she survived and things are made worse when the penguin's goon sees control the batmobile via remote control oh yeah how come the cops only show up when a batman's driving he eventually gets control back and transforms into a fat penis to escape the next day penguin makes a speech to continue to win the people over did the mayor have a plan no he relied on a man a batman i'm asking you to vote for a bird man but not that bird man that is also bad man they fan service all the crybabies that bitched about vicky vale in the first one who lit vicky vale into the bat cave i'm sitting there working and i turn around there she is oh hi vic come on in just he was confessing she figured it out how many millionaires can vanish out the window whatever and he plays audio of the penguin cursing the people he recorded the previous night i'll take care of the squealing wretched pinhead puppets of gotham ah remember the days when that could ruin your career as a politician i play this stinkin city like a heart from hell um fake news oh that's all it took all right oh why is there always someone who brings lettuce and tomatoes to a speech why is there always someone who brings eggs or tamarind into a speech cause you're a cartoon i don't know he escapes back to his hideout where he continues his original plan gathering all of gotham's firstborn sons to drown them and if you're wondering why firstborn sons it's because in the original script shrek and penguin were supposed to be brothers him being the abandoned firstborn and shrek being the prosperous second born which would have been pretty interesting in my opinion but it was cut so the firstborn thing is kind of random and we will snatch them carry them into the sewer and toss them into a deep dark watery grave merry christmas from the batman returns gumball dispenser [Applause] bruce has given it invite to shrek's max curry ball yes that's really what they call it and yes i am insanely jealous of that pun as he fixes the batmobile may we rsvp in the resoundingly negative not interested although selena kyle might be there this is why superman works alone he sees selena at the party behind red death that's a nice touch and they follow through on their kinda excuses listen i'm sorry about yesterday but i had a pretty big deal come through fall through action did he just make a joke about a woman falling to her death pretty big deal come through fall through action again must be this sick everyone the film is great but pfeiffer really does not get out of the park with scenes like this we're literally in a head turn she goes from crying to laughing i don't know anymore [Music] [Laughter] you're crazy they eventually put together their secret identities but it's interrupted by the penguin who kidnaps shrek again and reveals his evil plan right now my troops are fanning out across town for your children yes you hear that commissioner i still feel like this is a batman thing but they have an incredibly slow moving brightly colored train we didn't even stop the joker when he announced where he was going to be let him fight the clowns i'm loopy batman does exactly that and i guess that's the end of that plot thread not entirely sure why that was in the movie at all and he moves on to plan b blow up gotham with penguins it's a it's a weird film the liberation of gotham has begun he whips out the bat ski boat which really must have been exciting i mean how many times is a bat skibo gonna be the answer and they jammed the penguin's signal turning them around this film's full of anti-climaxes isn't it i would have paid good money to see batman punch penguins i can't even say that without laughing he drops the penguin into the water because everybody has to fall in this movie and he confronts catwoman who's confronting shrek let's just take him to the police split right up the center i love you so much i take off my mascara for you in between shots i just couldn't live with myself selena chooses vengeance over love leading to easily the best line in the movie selena selena kyle you're fired wouldn't it be great if she just left after that oh fired [Music] it's pretty clear max has to die after batman's revealed and that's exactly what happens when selena whips out the taser from before and combines it with the electricity behind him [Music] bruce shame on you oh and the penguin can really hold his breath a long time a cool drink of ice [Applause] merry christmas from the golden book collection what were we thinking this leads to well this scene the penguins come out and give him a funeral march without opposable thumbs and bury him in the [Music] water uh arthur is this a warm moment or should we be disturbed no [ __ ] danny elfman's music is beautiful but what tender scenes am i supposed to look back on to make me miss him nope not that one not that one either oh that's not a keeper i want to find out who i am by finding my parents okay all right him wanting to belong to society i can feel bad about that oh wait that was a ploy to find more kids to kill and he was faking all of this i think he knows who his parents are um bridge it is i'll miss you mary oh just pretend we're nightmare before christmas bruce wears he sees selena on the way back but it appears to only be her cat merry christmas mr wayne world toward men and women yep i uh i wanted to be equal yeah the film ends with the bat signal being lit and catwoman staring up at it and fun fact this was actually a last minute addition mostly because audiences wanted to slit the wrist after watching this movie i think that was a good add-on batman returns has a lot of flaws mostly like i said around the penguin character which is strange because the elements are there to make him sympathetic they just needed to take out that every other second he was trying to kill kids thing that went nowhere you could have had it where he just wanted to belong to society but then the corruption of the human world doomed him there was a batman the animated series episode that kind of did that but making him such a constant blood-hungry monster just made the message confusing and not in a complicated way just a very clumsy way aside from that though yes it is silly and all over the place but it's also visually stunning well-acted and hilariously demented some of these plot threads even pop up in mask of the phantasm the idea of batman being framed and losing someone you love to vengeance even flashing the signal at the end despite i don't think batman's name was ever officially cleared in either version if you just accept it as tim burton going all out given a blank check just doing whatever he wants there is kind of a joy in how miserable it is it's just so crazy and so brooding and so in your face unpleasant you can't help but laugh at it and i think that was the idea for the most part i know it has its problems but i can't help but love it for going all the way in i'm being so dark if you're in the mood for a twisted christmas film that's just barely a christmas film by every definition this is certainly the one to check out and why wouldn't you be it's been that kind of year all sorts of misery and chaos resulting in a huge mess apparently even feels like christmas when you consider what everybody's been through but in a strange way it's almost kind of comforting we've all gone through something together everybody's felt some form of sacrifice some have lost very little others have lost a great deal even if you're one of the lucky ones who didn't get the worst of it it's hard not to think of the people who did but we get through it that's what humanity is good at getting through stuff surviving finding a way to press on we always find a way we work with it so whatever path you find in whatever way you work with it have the best holiday you can keep confident stay strong and be creative those are the things worth celebrating because those are the things that get us through so much merry christmas to you all we wish you nothing but the best [Music] he's like a frog but became a friend nice more like a penguin hey doug walker here doing the charity shout out you know it's funny i was looking for uh charities to do around uh christmas time and uh one that kept popping up was make a wish foundation of course we've done that charity before uh like a doofus it didn't connect to me that that clearly has a connection to christmas you know making uh dreams come true and giving just wonderful gifts and presents and stuff like that so uh i figure that's a really good one uh to do i you've all heard of them you know the wonderful things they do you know that they uh you know go to terminally ill children they try to make their wish come true whether it's uh seeing a celebrity or take them to a place they've always wanted to go they just do amazing work and i everybody's heard of them they know the incredible uh stuff that they do so please check them out uh think about donating or spread the word i mean it's they get a lot of attention this year and they deserve all of it and so much more so definitely spread the word as much as you can or donate if you can i know a lot of people are struggling this holiday but uh even just spreading the word will go a long way so thank you so much and take care you

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 912,332

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, batman returns, batman returns review, batman, batman movies, movie, film, christmas, doug walker, christmas movies, batman review, movie reviews, film review, comics, comic book movies, 90s movies, best batman movies, worst batman movies, dc comics, dc comics movies, top christmas movies, tim burton, best tim burton movies, michael keaton, danny devito, michelle pfeiffer, christopher walken, bruce wayne, tamara chambers, malcolm ray

Id: Bv8lEk6wggM

Length: 32min 11sec (1931 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 23 2020