Baldur's Gate 3 "Review" | I Cast Bullet

this video is going to spoil the entire game balers Gate 3 is possibly the funniest game ever made and I do not think it actually intends to be because it's actually trying to be really gay taking place in a fantasy world where four adult friends are able to play on the same day this game faithfully and hilariously recreates the D andd experience all the way down to watching your friends paint the entire ground of their camp with your combustible blood which uh turns out can act as the fuse for a bomb and that is just the beginning of the absolute Insanity that this game has to offer because in the world of balers gate anything is possible and everything is determined via dice roll and yes that does determine whether or not you're going to be transformed into cats for turns before the building explodes I think this is the best game ever made and I'm not even exaggerating but before beginning our Amazing Adventures we have to choose our characters very carefully we've got aerion the dark her squid game Huggy wuggy all the customization you can think of for my human male fighter but today we're going to be playing as onot Riz King a they them wild magic sorcerer with absolutely unnatural Charisma Charisma so powerful that I convinced the boss to kill his minions to kill his dog to kill himself then convinced him to join me against the forces of Satan 30 hours after I sent him to Hell coincidentally anot RZ king is not a smart man my playthrough was classified as morally ambiguous because I usually did the right thing very badly you're probably wondering right about now maxor why are you speaking to a sentient rat in hell that is a good question with a very bad answer I thought it would be really funny to sell my soul to Lucifer and then break into his house kill his Incubus that he uses to have sex with himself Steal My Soul Back along with everything worth money which is the real reason that I'm here make a break for it just in time to get caught and be forced to kill Satan who by the way has 66 66 HP and sings about how he's going to kill you like a Disney villain was this the ethical course of action maybe but in retrospect I did not think I would get caught so on top of his Immaculate Riz and dubious ethical success the most important detail of onot RZ King is that he is a wild magic sorcerer which is definitely a class to choose imagine for a moment that you and your 20 allies are trying to push past a narrow Corridor when me and the Fellas cast a swarm of bees black tentacles and a goopy fart cloud which kills your entire team before you are able to see anything I call this strategy the [ __ ] up hentai now if that was to hypothetically happen you would theoretically accuse me of a lot of [ __ ] to which I would respond with yes officer I did just disintegrate that child and what's more I have committed crimes you can't even charge me for say hello to the spell Fain death which works by placing your allies into a coma this I would argue is not a very useful spell but if I were to say give all my money away to a lucky Merchant then he would trust me enough to initiate nap time and after carefully concealing my presence in a conspicuous dark blob I will be able to steal my money back plus interest and what's more I get a [ __ ] discount next time I show up is combat requiring just a little too much thought are you perhaps getting tired of taking any damage then my friend look no further than the globe of invulnerability which does exactly what you think it does a little too well the only caveat being that the invulnerability happens to work on enemies and they tend to see invulnerability as an advantage meaning literally every fight that I use it in devolves into the funny Friendship Circle say for instance that you were an enemy whose entire purpose is to explode yourself if you happen to wander into the orb of Comedy you would be forced to unsuccessfully activate your bomb vest 20 times in a row hoping and praying for a death that I cannot provide you honestly if you're creative enough you don't even have to play most combat encounters I once fought a boss that began every fight by instantly killing me now most normal people in this situation would reload the game try some other quests literally anything that uses your brain but I am not normal people I'm autistic how else do you think this video gets made the neurotypicals couldn't do this [ __ ] so instead we are going to cleverly sneak up on him with my entire party then cast fear on him forcing the men to flee while me and the Fells beat him to death with hammers another time I was stuck in a difficult combat encounter with a Invincible Dooms spider at which point I transformed him into a more reasonable animal and forgot about him for the rest of the fight of course magic doesn't always have to be used for combat or stealing sometimes it can be used for productive things like remote detonation imagine for a moment that you were tasked with solving a murder because the elephant police are being racist not against non- elephants mind you just immigrants my guy is a reactionary rancha you would be able to quickly resolve this situation by performing necromancy and asking the murder victim who killed them alternatively if I wanted to say kill everyone in the goblin Camp without conventional methods I could simply cast speak with animals and gently convince the local spiders to begin an erative race war in fact you can use this on any animal in the game including threatening rats into revealing their cheese location or the cat that narrates like a Noir detective although I do think it is very strange that I don't have to cast it before speaking to gnomes but honestly out of all the magical items you can obtain in this game my favorite was definitely the gamer sus energy drinks because it gives my character enough energy to LEAP 50 ft through the air and take extra actions per turn it uh gets mail to you as this cool Alchemy powder so you can save on gold and craft it into useful consumables gamer Subs has all kinds of cool spells like Grandpa's ashes guacamole gamer part 9000 and my personal favorite lean these are actual flavor names we're also working on getting you guys an official maxor Cup this is not the official maxor cup I would put boobs on it but if you want other cups with boobs on them you can find the shop for them here in description alley right next to the Subscribe store and use code maxor for 10% off all spells I am not responsible for what comes after see that's what he's talking about spread your ass open dude you can do the Rump Shaker huh dude this car kicks ass and I can watch M again while I'm driving Jesus [ __ ] Christ just saw a Wizarding duel outside Walgreens one wizard cast a bullet at the other and stole his magical herbs turns out Gail wasn't actually a [ __ ] or maybe now he is Wizarding life truly is amazing out here in Pennsylvania because when you join the wild magic gang you aren't just making a character you're making a mistake wild magic Sorcerers have a random chance to select an effect from a list of 100 as long as you install the mod that adds 80 every spell my character cast was a guarantee that something will happen and whether or not I wanted that to happen is a different story entirely consider the scenario that you and your heroic party are desperately trying to escape an underwater prison and no this time it wasn't for beastality it was for hate crimes you have five turns to escape before your character reenacts the Titanic this is when you make the critical mistake of casting a spell which triggers the random effect of lock all doors magically transforming this exploding prison into an exploding coffin that is a Reload or how about the time that I was tasked with holding on to a torch under penalty of death whereupon the game decided that it would be really funny if I was banished to another dimension because it would be even funnier if I happen to reload the game and immediately get petrified okay look I am exaggerating a little bit here after all the chances of you transforming into an oine on your third try would be pretty low of course wild magic doesn't always have to ruin the game sometimes it can do really helpful things like permanently inflict my character with the clown curse which is by every metric an objective upgrade I had an emotional cut scene after I got this and I'm sure it made everyone feel better here we have the fight with the giant robot where I accidentally transformed myself into a cheese wheel this gives us all kinds of new abilities like cheesy smell which would be really good if uh the robots could smell now due to the obvious limitations of my class balers Gate 3 provides a myriad of options for customization leveling and companions who by the way can be resped to any other class making strategies like the fourman gambling Squad and Jurassic Park completely possible but not exactly viable personally I find it completely [ __ ] that I do not get an intimidation bonus for walking into the bank with three [ __ ] Velociraptors like do you see this very often so to get at the True Heart Of The B Gate 3 experience we have to make some friends and eventually have sex with most of them honestly it's a pretty easy to forget that this game has combat personally though I didn't get with any of them mostly because I can't show it but also because I was interested in a more acquired taste that's right baby gay sex with Squidward I always dreamed of touching those Squidward Tentacles as I played his clarinet also if you don't have sex with anyone human the camp skeleton just insults you for having no [ __ ] and thus Thou Art alone Shadow heart more affectionately referred to as shart is a cleric of char that I spent the entire game gaslighting into a religious fundamentalist then as soon as that became slightly inconvenient beat her to death with my entire party so badly that I could not revive the body for round two now Shadow heart could have survived if I actually trusted her but unfortunately she is a white woman and I don't trust those H Gail is an aggressively bisexual wizard with a nuclear bomb inside of his chest and uh it wants me to feed boots now Gail claims this is because of his relationship with an actual goddess but I don't believe him not because that's completely insane but because I've seen how Gail behaves around me this [ __ ] is gay and since I've covered all this game's wacky and funny spells I decided that I was going to resp Gil into a barbarian and give him a gun this wizard may be out of spells but he is not out of shells will is a daring and Noble warlock who is constantly told what to do and treated like a dog by a demon girl so I don't understand why he doesn't enjoy that this game's writing is unrealistic Lael is a GTH yane fighter who within 3 seconds of speaking to her made me decide that yes I am going to do a racist character today and over the course of our adventure Lael surprised and shocked Me by never failing to prove my racism correct asterion is a sorry I forgot I installed that mod asterian is a Dev isly handsome Rogue that specializes in giving enemies the devious back shots this is mostly because asterion happens to be a literal vampire which becomes relevant when I sacrifice 7,000 children to him to create the ultimate life form I promise the scene isn't gay unfortunately this did basically nothing as asterion proceeded to walk down the hall and get his ass beat to death with hammers because out of all the abilities our sacrifice could have given us aerion had graciously received the power to continue being useless though to be fair to aerion no ultimate vampire twink is going to kill five full- blood Texans on their Fifth medel and carlac is a very hot Barbarian that I use throughout the game as a punching bag one time carlac got so mad that she randomly destroyed every box at a 10 m radius repeatedly setting the entire party on fire until we [ __ ] died it was at this moment I decided that carlac was going to be the one to disarm every trap in the game for me make sure to grab the treasures carlac with our Powers combined we are the uh world's shittiest polycule we are having so much fun without Shadow heart so as the world's shittiest polycule it naturally Falls to us to combat the forces of big straight and stop the swimmer ethnostate mostly by accident because if there's one thing that motivates me more than protecting my potential Investments it is stealing from them yes sir it is certainly bad if the only Bank in the city gets robbed but don't don't worry I've conducted a thorough investigation in my camp and I have found no evidence of wrongdoing quests in balers Gate 3 are for lack of a better term [ __ ] insane both in their scope and in content mostly the content with multiple contingencies for failure partial success or the classic unrestricted Japanese war crimes truly the sky is the limit in balder's gate and the only thing preventing you from achieving your dreams are the consequences of your actions if for instance you were to ride the calamari carousel a future character will roast you for your crimes against God in front of your friends your choices matter in bers C one time I decided to visit the circus so I could piss off the local Genie so badly that he sends me to Jurassic Park but uh that's not important right now exploring the non- insane part of the circus we find ourselves en raptured by the performance of dribbl the clown the only problem being that while investigating a series of murders by shape shifters I had already met dribbles the clown and I was carrying his sever torso in my inventory safekeeping so despite knowing the identity of my gangstalkers I decided to send Aion to the stage anyways mainly because I thought it would be funny and I was not disappointed this guy should open a YouTube channel where he promotes an energy drink he intentionally poisons now you're going to want to be careful after doing this Quest because unbeknownst to you one of your crew mates has been replaced by an imposter and worst of all I am kind of into this Can you shape shift yourself pregnant so whether you know it or not you are going to be playing Among Us for the next 10 hours and honestly playing as the Imposter is so much more fun which is why instead of stopping the killings I decided that I was going to do them myself and eventually join the blood cult by bathing in the blood of the racist elephant to bring about a new future of crimson despair shape shifters are usually multiracial by definition what I'm trying to say with these long anecdotes is that you never just go to the circus in this game or God forbid speak to a clown though you are watching this YouTube video which is close repost if you want to nail a porcupine to your neighbor's BS give me the thug Shaker dude shake your ass take your hands off it and Shake That dude those caral are so [ __ ] F welcome to the first major dungeon of the game appropriately named Central London and like the actual London it is unfortunately filled with the English you can really tell because you can't understand anyone and the food is inedible it is here that balers gate really shines as a game where you can do almost anything and an unlucky developer will be forced to code it there are three targets for you to kill in the goblin camp or if you're bad enough several dozen each with their own personalities weaknesses and premium cheese strategies needless to say uh this channel is not going to offer you any good advice after all there's a lot lot of guide videos for this game alongside race tier place so while I'm not going to be sorting You by phenotype what I can give you is a taste of the premium cheddar okay so you're going to want to start out by uh going invisible and placing a wyvern toxin into the Kool-Aid then lead a toast by declaring that we are going to drink until we die make sure that aerion is the one to do it by the way we don't need him anymore heading inside we take care of our first Target by following her to a secluded location summoning a cloud of daggers and then initiating verbal exchange locking her into our conversation while she is slowly stabbed to death this isn't considered a crime by the way because well they can just walk out just don't hit a piece of wood while you're doing that because then you're not going to be killed for assault you're going to be killed for destruction of property the next trick we're going to do is called Menara skip because we are going to be summoning a random spectator to skip to the end of nar's life just pray to God that she doesn't go down easily because uh The Spectator certainly won finally we have our third target dra raslin who is slightly hard to kill the conventional wave so instead of that we're going to do something significantly harder I know really original strategy those animals are so [ __ ] funny they make me want to welcome to the underd dark home of the uh spectator boss fight because yes in addition to having a giant underground area filled with interesting flora and fauna B Gate 3 dares to ask the question of what if people in the underd dark had a different skin color to me and completely unrelated to that what if there was a lot of slavery because it is this very slavery that we are going to take advantage of immediately upon entering the world's basement you're going to want to head over to the Mushroom Kingdom and uh you're going to get a letter telling you that the princess is now a permanent guest at one of Bowser's seven Koopa hotels talking to the giant mushroom you're going to have to explain to him how animating the bodies of dead Velociraptors is technically not a war crime but what I'm going to use them for is definitely a war crime and after playing a game of Pokémon with the corpses that your enemies reanimated we steal their boats and progress down the river towards the iron Fortress of grim Forge this place [ __ ] sucks dick I'm going to kill myself Welcome To Grim Forge home to many different kinds of people whether they're enslaved or enslaving you are really only have two options here in the Grim Forge evees dropping in on the local Minecraft Let's Play We overhear rumors of an ancient and Powerful explosive which will purchase my child labor at least 30 minutes of Roblox time and after gently ascertaining the location from their bodies we carefully confiscate the nuclear weapon using a refined negotiation tactic where I lied to them now equipped with the most powerful bomb in the game we are presented with the choice we can either use this bomb to help the gnome slaves f achieve their freedom or we can use it to kill rasl so going back to the goblin camp we discover through some experimentation that draw raslin doesn't actually die to the bomb that I just placed so into the hole you go I guess and that is how you quickly and efficiently speedrun the goblin Camp make sure to subscribe for more convenient time saves Peter what are you doing what the [ __ ] okay so the point I'm trying to get across uh really badly is that this game is utterly massive and it absolutely does not stop you from destroying it because in balers Gate 3 every single mistake you can possibly make is going to come up again and uh most of the time it is in the form of racial Conflict for instance do you want to be a Good Samaritan and free the Deep gnomes from their unjust imprisonment well congratulations you just happen to free the Deep Nome Clan's Grand wizard I hope you ready for a race war in 20 hours because uh if you happen to misplace a certain bomb then uh he's going to happen to make heroshima look like a [ __ ] joke personally this kind of stuff is the funniest [ __ ] I've ever seen not the racism part although that is still funny but rather the simple joy of knowing that your save file has probably already been destroyed without you even knowing it since beginning the long process of making this video I have made a multiplayer warlock named rizzly bear alongside my friends re saying no more Simpson and after playing for approximately 10 minutes I can confirm that my first character in advertently killed almost everyone he spoke to and about half the time the reverse was true a good example of this is the time that I just so happened to wander my character into a literal God who then offered me a pivotal and important Quest prompting me to raise the reasonable inquiry that if she was a god surely she would be able to kill anyone she wanted she responded by [ __ ] vaporizing Me overall this is in every sense of the word a role playing game provided of course you want to roleplay as a dumbass murder Goblin otherwise uh why do you even play video games we blow [ __ ] up in this [ __ ] better take your sensitive ass back to LinkedIn with scores of amazing and deep content that I unintentionally locked myself out of because we accidentally killed a man named bingus bongus ripped to a [ __ ] real one strategic and complicated combat and anent entire world of possibilities and solutions which will leave you wondering how the [ __ ] am I allowed to do this is this a glitch or intended Behavior yes so while I didn't get to cover everything since uh I only human you can trust me when I say that there is something in this game for everybody 10 out of 10 would unleash nah Hitler again for me though I would like to thank all of my amazing patrons using and sacrificing their funding for only the finest of video game content as always more deranged gacha game videos to come I will be sure to spend all of your money very responsibly oh yeah uh this video is about balers Gate [Music] 3

Channel: Max0r

Views: 856,829

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Id: I6qlhmjkQ44

Length: 21min 59sec (1319 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 27 2024