Are you Married to a Narcissist?

do you feel as though your feelings are dismissed more often than not by your spouse if there was a book title about your marriage would it be titled do as I say not as I do meaning that you have to follow all these rules in the marriage but your spouse seems to not have to follow any of them does your spouse have a tendency of playing that one game the blame game and you happen to be responsible for anything that happens to go wrong ever in the marriage and they take no blame or responsibility whatsoever if this sounds familiar to you in any way shape or form you may be married to a narcissist and you can't miss this video [Music] hi friends I'm glad to be back today and today I'm talking about narcissism but more specifically the signs that indicate that you're married to a narcissist okay so let's begin I'm gonna be discussing twelve specific signs yes there's a lot more but we're gonna really focus on 12 on today's video so let's start the first sign the blame game ah definitely not my favorite game the blame game means that everybody is guilty but then everybody is responsible but then so anytime anything goes wrong period in the story in the marriage it's your fault okay because they don't take responsibility for really much of anything especially anything that's not perfect so if you found yourself constantly being blamed this might indicate that you're married to a narcissist you know also think about this and take it a step further when folks are constantly blamed over and over again they begin to think that they are the person that's doing these wrong things and as they think that way they begin to internalize that blame and begin to blame themselves for everything as well so if you found yourself kind of going down that road you might want to become more mindful and aware of what you're being blamed for and then become very aware of when you're internalizing that blame and internalizing that anger on to you about something that you might not have even done the second sign they are always right they're always right everything they do is amazing okay they walk on water that's the key here is that they have this huge lofty sense of self you know that they're kind of better than anybody else to some degree okay and we know deep deep deep deep down a narcissist is really struggling with self-esteem issues but on the surface they appear bigger than life so in that type of case and scenario they're always going to be right especially in their own mind the third sign image is the most important thing it's about how you make them look in front of other people okay image trumps everything you could be having the biggest massive blowout fight and all of your marriage okay but when you show up to meet for dinner with all the other couples at the restaurant you're having the best time of your life image is everything you'll find that your narcissistic mate love social media as well for the most part if they're on social media they like to show off their family they like to show you off especially when you're looking your best if you're not looking your best they're not going to be taking a picture because they really don't want anybody to know that they are with you so definitely image is king the fourth sign selfishness it's all about them okay they think about themselves first you might be second or third on the totem pole because it depends on where they put their career and the children and the car and all that stuff because really it's them and you're in their world okay actually it's their world and you're in it and so when you think about it that way you begin to realize that when they do think about you it's usually a secondary thought and if they actually do get you something and it's not all the time but for the most part if they do they're gonna want something back in return okay that's what selfish people do so remember they're thinking about themselves first and then everything else is secondary including you the fifth sign they're bossy they're constantly telling you what to do because they know what's right for everybody remember they're better than us and they can tell us what we should be doing what we're doing wrong oh they're really good about telling you what you're doing wrong okay so it could be the way that you fold socks okay it could be the way that you're parking in the driveway it could be the way you're running your company okay that you've created from the ground up apparently you don't fire people right whatever that is okay remember that they're gonna tell you what to do because their way is the best and it's their way or the highway the sixth sign they have a tendency of putting you down and making you feel not good enough I don't know about you but it's really difficult to spend time with someone who's constantly putting you down about almost everything and still keep your wits about you and keep yourself esteem and self worth it's close to impossible I mean you can have a really good feeling within yourself and you can refocus yourself on a constant basis but the more and more you hear negative comments about yourself the more and more somebody's putting you down it's really hard to keep that going so a lot of times when you're living with a narcissist you're probably not feeling really good about yourself you might have a tendency of questioning yourself a lot like am I making the right decision am I making the right choice because you've been questioned often by your spouse but also either made fun of or put down for maybe possible not-so-good choices that you've made and it makes you question every step of the way from then on out so being very aware of that mindful is key to working to get that inner gut back aligned so you can begin to make solid decisions and not question yourself on every decision you make the seventh indication they used manipulation to get what they want okay we all know manipulation or lies when people manipulate you it's not being truthful or honest they're manipulating need to try to get something from you for you to agree with them for you to do something for them okay and so one of the biggest tools in the toolbox for the narcissist is manipulation so a lot of times when we're being manipulated we might not even know it I mean because some people are really really good at it and you know a lot of times though - when you're married to the situation you don't really want to recognize the fact that your husband or wife is a full-on narcissist that's not the thing that you go oh yeah look what I got a won the lottery this time no and so a lot of times we don't even like to act like that exists we want to well that's really not what it is and I'm putting too much thought into this but remember when you feel a little awkward about something or you're being talked into something and you feel like it's like invading your boundaries or invading your values or your belief system really step back for a second and ask yourself what's happening here okay because a lot of times when you're in the groove and you've been married for a long time even around this person a long time it feels normal but normal and healthy or to different things so if you feel like something's off if you feel like you're being played with or toyed with or manipulated then you probably are the eighth sign is that they feel as though everybody's after them okay paranoia they get very paranoid they feel like everybody wants something from them everybody's trying to get one over on them everybody's trying to take advantage of them trying to take something from them you know I have many clients that I'm seeing currently that their husband or wife is a narcissist and it's interesting the amount of folks who the spouse that's the narcissist is in litigation with and I'm not saying that every litigation is not is good better and different understanding in this particular situation the narcissistic spouse feels that the people they don't work with or this person this person is out to them and so there's a lot of litigation around them there's a lot of anger there's a lot of mistrust and so that's something that you really want to see and look at if you're married to a narcissist is that they can be constantly talking about how other people are out to get them they might have quite a bit of enemies in their eyes and you might not even understand it because from a distance it doesn't look like a big deal but they feel as though everybody's trying to attack them and so it's something that you might be dealing with in your marriage right now the ninth time and this is directly affecting your children if you have children in the marriage the children are constantly working for mom or dad's approval and they're coming up short so if mom or dad is a narcissist in the marriage the kids are vying for their attention vying for their love so much jumping through those hoops to try to get that spouse's approval their mom or dad's approval and what happens is they feel like they can't do enough and they're always coming up short and I've seen it so often because what happens is is that the kids grow up in this environment and then they go through the process of meeting other people in their life and they're constantly looking for that approval from other people do you see what I'm saying and so it's a cycle and so if you have children right now and you realize that your spouse is a narcissist you're gonna need to sit down eventually and have a conversation with your kids because otherwise they're never gonna feel worthy because they're always gonna wonder why mom or dad doesn't show them that they love them they're always gonna wonder why they never get their approval and why they're just not good enough the tenth sign control and control is their middle name it's not bond it's not James Bond it's control control is it okay and so the concept is that they're constantly wanting to control everyone everything if you have children they want to control the kids they want to control you okay what you do how you feel what you think about things right because their thought process their actions are tops okay and they also don't have control of themselves so the mystique is that they they look like they're all in control right they're not the narcissist feels so out of control internally that's why they're trying to control everybody around them it's the little known fact and so by them trying to control you they feel like they have more control in their life when they try to control the kids which they do a very good job of because kids automatically fall into that except for the rebellious kid that you get one of those every three or five that just don't give a crap you know what I'm saying and they'll run right over mom or dad but for the most part kids follow their parents okay and they'll do what their parent says and so if dad or mom is controlling those kids okay the interesting part about it is they can't control themselves but they use that control to control their environment around them and it's it's a narcissist calling-card definitely something that you want to look at because this is a really big red flag because one of the things that I'm a big proponent of is freedom you got to have freedom in a relationship okay and when you feel controlled and you feel micromanage that's not a relationship that's like a bad job so think about this when you're looking at your marriage and deciding if you are married to a narcissist number 11 they need constant validation and admiration so constant validation constant admiration they want to be validated at all cost okay pat on the back excellent job you're amazing you know everything you're so smart because they need that because remember at the core of the narcissist very little self esteem very little self-worth okay this is all a facade this is all to keep people out this is all to keep people at bay right this is like the the big castle door it's all smokes smoke screens and mirrors right it's all illusion that's what it is they believe it see they believe this illusion right some part of it some parts maybe not we can talk about that in another video but think about that constant validation is needed because they need to be boasted up okay they need to be feeling great and on top of the world and so if you're there to boast the narcissus things are great but when you stop doing that well I think you've seen a difference in your spouse if they are true narcissus if you're not boasting them and validating everything they're doing because they need constant reassurance and last but not least one of my favorite subjects boundaries number twelve boundaries what boundaries narcissus doesn't have boundaries okay there is no boundaries they're in charge it's their game it's their world and you're just living in it it's almost like you're an item or a fixture or a thing okay and they can kind of move you around the board game that's called life you know what I'm saying and it's interesting because with living with the narcissus normal healthy boundaries do not exist the fact that you have your own emotions and you're allowed to have your own feelings oh nope not allowed and if you do have them they need to be changed to this other person's thoughts and feelings okay because they're going to what make fun of you or discredit or dismiss your feelings if they're not what they think that they should be right you know another thing that the narcissus does is that if you're doing something that they deem is not right or not smart or not the best way of doing something okay it could be like I was saying earlier like how you run a company - the way you fold socks they're gonna jump in and tell you how it should be run okay so remember when you're living in this dynamic it's like the lines are all blurred okay there's no specific where this is where my life is I have this ability this is the the power that I have in my life and this is what I'm working on they're constantly in and out of everything that you're doing okay because you're just kind of a part of their life and don't think that a lot of people real is that to the degree that you have to realize it when you're dealing with someone will fall on narcissism because that's kind of the way that it goes and so for you to be able to have your own boundaries you have to be solid and firm and more often than not there were no boundaries coming into this relationship and so encouraging those or creating that can be very tough it's not impossible at all but can be very challenging so at this point in the video you're probably like well you know what after I've listened to this my wife or my husband really isn't a narcissist whew well that's a good thing and for somebody you might be listening right now and say okay cat out of the bag I'm dealing with a narcissist and that's okay it's not the end of the world okay it's not the end of the world at all but now you're beginning to know what's really happening under your roof right because when we don't know what's going on in our own household when we don't understand our own spouse things can be really challenging and so right now we're just taking off the mask we're just removing the illusion from the marriage that's all we're doing it's like don't worry about it right now we'll walk through the steps of the things you can do to make changes in your marriage but right now if you've identified this as your marriage and this is consistent to what you deal with in a day to day basis then you know what you're dealing with right now and now we have to move in to the solution phase so don't miss the following video on dealing with your narcissistic wife slash husband it would be very interesting it'll offer solutions that you can do right then and there to begin helping your marriage if you like this video please click like on the video and please share with your friends and family and co-workers as well if you haven't subscribed to the channel please subscribe and if you have subscribed well please stay subscribe because we really like the fact that you're here and the community thank you if you have a comment to make on this video and you'd like to add some of the red flags that you found in your own marriage and some other guy posts and signs that really allows you to realize that you are married to a narcissist please add the because the more information we have here remember knowledge is power and so it helps all of us and I appreciate your comments I hope this video has helped and don't forget to live your true life you

Channel: Ashley Berges

Views: 19,249

Rating: 4.9499516 out of 5

Keywords: narcissism, NPD, marriage, Self-help, self help, how to, Ashley Berges, psychology, happiness, resentment, unhappy marriage, abuse, blame game, signs

Id: wbMqRvMEMag

Length: 18min 17sec (1097 seconds)

Published: Wed May 01 2019